True Blood - season 5, episode two “Authority Always Wins”

Spoiler warning

This episode wasn’t much of an improvement from last week. Tara rises like an animal, and it’s actually kind of cool and morbid. She can’t be tamed. At least she’s quieter. Then she gets back to herself a little, says, “I’ll never forgive you” to Lafayette and Sookie, and runs off. Tara’s angry at someone?!! What a change! It seems like she will be getting completely different storylines now that she’s a vampire and it’s a whole new season! We hope you are getting all the sarcasm there.

The much-hyped backstory of how Pam met Eric is lame so far. Steve Newlin just needs to go away. He’s the kind of gay guy that gives gays, Christians, Republicans, and men everywhere a bad name. He isn’t funny and he isn’t scary. He’s still in the closet about being gay. The best thing about his existence is Jessica throwing him out of her house and throwing his hair. We liked Hoyt’s mom’s reaction to Jason breaking up Hoyt’s relationship. Pies for Jason!

Luna acted pretty crazy when Sam suggested that Luna not cut Emma off from her grandmother, Martha. Emma is a cute little wolf. Marcus’s body looked too fake to be gross when it was all partially eaten. We don’t get to see a ton of Alcide and just about everyone keeps their clothes on this week. We don’t get much progression on the Terry stuff. He just acts crazy and agrees to go with Patrick to look for their missing fellow soldier.

We liked Nora getting shut up and slapped when she tried to lie. We also like Chris Meloni as the head of the Authority (the Guardian). True Blood is tackling religion, the church, and fanaticism by showing us the vampire religion. They are like vampire Catholics from the Inquisition days and they definitely believe the government should be a theocracy with them at the head. Greeeeeaat. That will be so fun, True Blood of all the dumb f*** shows getting political and throwing out commentary.

We’ve seen the Lilith myth used in much better ways. Most of the effort is devoted to the Authority torturing Bill and Eric. They tell the Guardian that Russell Edgington is alive and about. That way, they can be offered to Russell as bait so that he can be caught and killed. Then he won’t go after Sookie. Sookie’s got a mean air freshener on her side though. She might not need their protection! Yeah, that was more sarcasm. Sookie needs to get a sawed-off shotgun with silver ammo and start working on how to get better control of her fairy powers. This show makes one of us miss The Vampire Diaries.

Overall, this episode was boring and mostly set-up. But the last image was gross enough to make it worth watching. This season had better get good, quick. We miss Jesus. Kill Tara and bring back Jesus!

Episode grade: C+