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Sunday, August 26, 2012

Why We're Not Watching the True Blood Finale Tonight

Gage Skidmore [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

We’ve seen 10/12 episodes of this season, and we just can’t bring ourselves to watch another minute. Yeah, it’s better than season three and arguably better than season four, but we’ve been finding it hard to watch. We have to make ourselves look at it. The show has always been overrated, and now we’ve decided that it’s nowhere near as good as most of the other shows we watch. The religion stuff didn’t work for us. It’s too annoying and most of it really has nothing to say about the world or religion. One line that rang true was when Hoyt talked about feeling accepted in the hate group. Yep, a common enemy bonds. It's a component. Moving on. 

Another thing we hate about this show is that it takes so long in an episode to get exciting, and then just when it amps up, it ends. Then in the next episode, the exciting things are solved in the first five minutes. Rinse and repeat. We remember when this show was FUN to watch. Still, it’s seen worse days. This season was pretty good, for this show. As for bringing Lilith to the show, that’s been done to death in fiction. Our favorite Lilith appearance was in Simon Green’s Nightside books. True Blood didn’t top that.

There are just too many storylines on this show. Not everyone needs to be a main character. Next year, this show should have two storylines and just put everyone in them. Or it should consult HBO’s other overpopulated show, Game of Thrones, to see how to juggle so many people at once and still have a coherent, entertaining story. Things jump around too much, and it’s hard to get too attached to any one storyline. We know this show finds it difficult to fill an hour, but come on…

We like that Tara is better and Jason is staying sweet, but then the show adds more people we hate, like Nora and Salome. They took Jesus from us and then only bring him back in dream sequences, but Tara is back for real? Wtf. We liked some of the gross stuff this season. Getting our lips sewn shut is on our list of Top 100 Things We Never Want to Happen to Us. We also liked when Bill climbed onto Eric’s back for a piggy back ride through the streets. Yeah, that happened. Yeah, it was funny. 

We also started liking Martha. She’s a badass. We liked the Jessica/Hoyt relationship, but that seems pretty over. We also liked Tara and Jessica when they were friends for a time, but that didn’t last long. Terry’s ifrit storyline was all for nothing. There was no real consequence, and heck, he killed a woman, so there should have been.

We like Lafayette as a paid, fabulous medium, but it’s not enough to distract from stupid things like the Hate Group/pig farm stoyline. When Bud and his girlfriend were monologue-ing, we were like, “What the heck is this? Scooby Doo?” Sookie looked really nice in that scene though. Luna chased Bud’s girlfriend down and beat the crap out of her. That was the first time we’ve ever liked Luna. Crazy violent Luna beats boring, mommy, sexy Luna any day. Things were going alright until they took Tina Majorino away from us. We hate the fairies.

We think everything to do with the Sanguinistas and the Authority is boring, heavy-handed, talky, and too weird to take seriously. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. We don’t know if Bill is faking conversion or if he’s really a Lilith worshipper. What’s worse, we don’t care. We don’t care about Bill at all anymore. We kind of care about Eric, but not enough to keep watching the show. Why are Russell and Newlin still on this thing? Why did Roman die so early? Why does it take so long for something to happen on this show? We’re out. We should have been out years ago. The Jesus season was okay though because of the witch stuff, particularly Jesus and Marnie. 

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