Glee, The Office, The Vampire Diaries, and Grey's Anatomy finales

• Glee: Dull, mostly lame songs, a Wemma wedding no one cares about, and no death of an annoying character. We have to wait to find out what happens with Blaine's proposal and Rachel's audition, the only two things we care about. Catfish's identity was super predictable, as was Ryder's reaction. Episode grade C-. Season grade B-
• The Office: This was the big one, and it was very nearly perfect. Michael came back and has kids, Dwight is married and in love, Pam and Jim ended things perfectly, Erin found her parents, Creed was finally brought to justice, Nelly got a baby, Ryan and Kelly got what they deserved, and we finally got to see Mose talk! We didn't know he could. This show should have ended three years ago, but this finale was perfect. Seasons 6-8 were terrible, but season 9 as a whole was watchable. Episode grade A. Season grade: B
• The Vampire Diaries: This season drained our will to even watch this show. We're so glad the sire bond is gone and Elena and Damon are together by choice. We are also glad that Elena didn't take the cure. It's good that Bonnie died because now there is no one around to magic the cast out of every single problem they face. Knowing this show, they will bring her back. The finale was pretty good, but the season as a whole was a disappointment. Episode grade B. Season Grade C
• Grey's Anatomy: Arizona whyyyyy. We like that it wasn't just about lust and that the show brought the affair back to the leg trauma. Just when you think things are buried... We kind of hope the Chief is dead. His character has run its course and the cast is too huge. LOVED April telling Jackson she wanted him, even after Matt's cute/dorky proposal. We're so glad that Meredith and her baby are healthy. We always knew they would be. Meredith has been through so much on this show that even Shonda knows it would be ridiculous to hurt her like that. Owen and Cristina are broken up...again. They do this every season, so we're not buying it. You don't spend four seasons on a couple if they aren't endgame (unless a cast member is leaving, like Callie, Izzie, George, Burke, etc). Episode grade B+. Season grade B.

Scandal, Parks and Rec, The Office

By Courtney (Kerry Washington - TIFF 09') [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Scandal- White Hats Off

We’re bummed that Stephen is gone, but that red head we hate is still there. The president is still a hot old dude though. Those are rare. The president’s wife is still horrible, and we loved when he yelled at her. Everything he said was true, even if it was totally harsh. In this episode, we find out Quinn’s background. It could have been more interesting. She’s a suspected bomber/murderess, but she probably didn’t do it. Probably. Olivia Pope and her henchman gave Quinn a new identity, papers, and a chance to start over, but nobody knows that.

We didn’t like the show spending time in the courtroom because the prosecutor wouldn’t have been allowed to give that particular opening statement. TV shows never follow boring old evidence rules, unless you’re talking about The Good Wife. Normally, the regular rules take all the drama out of a courtroom scene. We liked the sex scandal subplot. Really, getting the media to spin your mistake takes all the bite out of sex. That’s completely realistic. The media tells us what we should think of events and stories. It’s effective.  We loved the term “America’s Baby.” Hilarious. We just want to note that no one this open-hearted, conscientious, and humble would ever be elected president.

Episode grade: B+

Parks and Recreation- Soda Tax

Is it just us, or is this season not as good as the last three so far? We liked the topical storyline with the soda. We liked the line where the “child size” soda was the size of a liquefied two-year-old child. We’re glad Leslie went with her conscience. She won’t last long in politics doing that, but hey, it’s TV. We love her relationship with Ron. Ben trying to befriend his interns was painful, but we love the reminder that he’s a huge nerd. It’s one of the things we like about him.

We want Ben back in Pawnee immediately. We were sad that April drew the picture of him. It’s better when April targets people who deserve it. Ben doesn’t. The arc where Chris is depressed about his meaningless life is appealing. He deserves it after he dumped Ann for no reason a few years ago. The idea of him going to therapy is good and sure to provide laughs. Who is the therapist going to be? Will we get to see the sessions?

Episode grade: B

The Office- New Guys and Roy’s Wedding

The original showrunner is back and vowed to earn viewers’ trust again, so we thought we’d check into the season’s first episode. Not bad. It wasn’t anything like the seasons we loved (1-5), but it wasn’t as terrible as the last two seasons either. We liked hearing the documentary crew tell us that they were interested in Pam and Jim. We don’t hate the plot where they are getting as bored with themselves as a couple as we are with watching them be a couple. Oscar sleeping with Angela’s husband is pretty genius. James Spader is gone. The fact that his character turned out to be so unfunny boggles our minds, because his first appearance in his interview was funny. We will miss Kelly, but her exit scene was worthy. Dwight’s high wire stunt had us laughing, but it’s sad that he’s not the father of Angela’s baby. We weren’t sure about making Andy a little meaner, but this episode was yards better than most of last year’s. A promising start.

Then, in the second episode, things got back to boring and unfunny. Jim is still hiding his business venture from Pam, which is never good in a marriage, and Roy grew as a person. It was fun to bring him back, but who cares about him? Especially since he wasn’t funny. The plot where Erin was tricked by Clark was gross and stupid. Clark is an idiot, and we hate him. We’re glad Pete ended up taking her out. At this point, we aren’t shipping her with Andy anymore. We didn’t ship her with him that much anyway. Nellie trying to get Dwight to follow Taliban law could have been funny, had the show mined another section of Taliban law. As it was, the plot went nowhere and, even worse, got no laughs. Did we pick this show back up too soon?

Episode grades: B and D-

New weekly covered shows

Due to us deciding to binge Vegas after season one is finished and us dropping The New Normal, we have added Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother, and The Office to our weekly shows. Modern Family is never going away (see: Emmy wins even in its worst season), How I Met Your Mother is popular and requested on this blog, and The Office premiere was pretty good. Plus, it's the last season and the old showrunner is back, promising to earn viewers' attention again. We'll give them a chance.

The Rest of the Shows We Watched

Well, Ern decided to go goof around at Disney World for three days. If you saw a grown-ass woman trotting around Hollywood Studios, swinging a blue lightsaber and making dinosaur noises, then you saw  Ern. Sadly, that means no one watched new shows Touch and Missing yet, since that was Ern's job. Hopefully that will happen shortly/next week. But here are the rest! Thank Leeard, mostly, lol.

Sunday
GCB - Hell Hath No Fury
Leeard is still enjoying this show, but we're both hoping some things change in the next few weeks. It's getting repetitive and it's only been on for two weeks.
Episode Grade: B

House of Lies - Ouroboros
Marty finally found out that Jeannie is engaged, but plays it off to help her save face with Wes. Monica is mad that Marty is seeing someone else, so she files for sole custody. Oh Monica. You dumb, crazy bitch. Marty's new girlfriend is great with Roscoe and we hate Monica, so we're rooting for Marty. Also, Monica's consulting firm is doing the due diligence for the MetroCapital merger, which obviously sucks for Marty.
Episode Grade: B

Monday
Alcatraz - Clarence Montgomery
A man is sent to Alcatraz after being wrongfully convicted of murder. We should mention that he's black and he was convicted in the 1960s. He's in our time now and actually committing crimes. Apparently, he was brainwashed back in Alcatraz so he's convinced he's guilty and won't be anything but a murder for the rest of his life. He finds an old friend from the rock who notices he hasn't aged. When Rebecca, Doc and Hauser find Clarence at his friend's apartment, Clarence asks his friend to kill him so he both stops murdering and doesn't go back to jail. Hauser is upset, because Clarence had the lady doctor's blood type and could've saved her life.
Episode Grades: C

Tuesday
Switched at Birth - The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters
Part of this episode was pretty cool. We like that Bay and Daphne teamed up for Emmett's birthday gift - making a deaf zombie movie. Too bad he doesn't deserve it, because he and Simone are acting cagey as hell pretending that they didn't sleep together at the basketball tournament. Wilke finds out because he accidentally reads Simone's texts with Emmett and he obviously disapproves. We obviously disapprove because Simone is the worst. We don't really know how to feel about Emmett not telling Bay. The truth is obviously going to come out eventually (probably next week, since that's the season finale), and it's not going to be pretty.
Episode Grade: B

Cougar Town - A One Story Town
That end tag was probably the best ever. So funny, even for people who don't love Scrubs. Jules got way too involved in the lives of her friends, as usual, but it's always out of love. She tried to set Bobby and Travis' photography professor (Angie) on the perfect date leading to the perfect kiss, because Bobby is a horrible date but the best kisser (according to Jules). Obviously, things go awry, but it obviously ends up all right. This is honestly one of the shows we wish we could live in.
Episode Grade: A

Body of Proof - Identity
We are so sick of crime shows doing an episode with this plot. Two girls who look similar are in a car accident in which one dies. They're misidentified at the scene. Seriously, when we were watching and found out that two girls had been in the car accident we said to the tv "please don't do this plot, you're better than that". Unfortunately, the show didn't listen to us. We still really like Megan and Aiden (mainly because Jamie Bamber is gorgeous and we miss Battlestar Galactica), but this show needs to stop recycling plots from every other crime show.
Episode Grade: D

Wednesday
Suburgatory - Independence Day
Tessa wants to become an independent, self-sufficient woman, so she gets a job at Dallas' crystal store. George worries that there's something going on in Tessa's life that she won't share with him. He finds the poem she wrote for the cool teacher's poetry class and worries even more about if this means that Tessa wants to see her mother. He meets with Tessa's maternal grandmother to see if she or her daughter (Tessa's mother) want to see Tessa. Apparently they don't. Whatever, Tessa is awesome and they're missing out. Also awesome: Dallas. She and Tessa are probably the best things about the show.
Episode Grade: B+

Thursday
The Office - Get the Girl
Andy drives down to Florida to get Erin to come back to Scranton with him. He succeeds of course. In Scranton, Nellie has arrived for a job in the branch and, seeing Andy's office has no one sitting in it, decides she'd be a good manager. She gives everyone a raise and somehow convinces Robert California of her talents. Not that she really has any. It was a weird episode.
Episode Grade: B-

Community - Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts
If this episode hadn't been the first after an extended break, it would have been fine. As it was, it definitely didn't live up to our expectations. Granted, it's Community, so it's still hilarious (like Troy and Abed "de-whimsifying" themselves). We really wish we had gotten to see Troy and Abed's 24-hour marathon of weird in the dreamatorium.
Episode grades: A-

The Vampire Diaries - 1912
We can't believe that after all our complaining about Alaric death fake-outs, we found out that all the dying was for a reason. That was leading up to something! Dying too often and being saved by the ring messes with your head. This show is so brilliant. Even the stuff that annoys us turns out to be important. We found out that the person who made Damon a bad guy was a vampire named Sage. We bet she's doing MMA now. Damon and Stefan grow closer, and Elena and Matt share quality time together. Matt is STILL in love with Elena, at least a little bit. Poor thing. Although we enjoyed it, this episode won't get a perfect grade, because we think it's dumb that Meredith shot Alaric for his own good, and Liz acted irrationally. Their actions just didn't make sense.
Episode Grade: B

Grey's Anatomy- One Step Too Far
There is yet another gap for this show, and it's driving us crazy. At least other shows have ONE long gap and maybe two. This one seems to have about five per season. About the episode...well, everyone is on Team Cristina at this point, right? The abortion was debatable in some circles and we could at least half understand her point. But cheating is always wrong and cowardly. We actually still think that these two are endgame, but we don't enjoy adultery storylines, so it's a shame the show took us there. The abortion plot was at least interesting. We were surprised that Owen cheated, but we were glad that it wasn't with Nurse Emily. We love Summer Glau. We love Catherine Avery too, and we feel really bad for Morgan. Alex needs to shut it down before he hurts her or he needs to love her back. Callie is usually right, Alex. We can't BELIEVE Meredith and Lexie took out that tumor without consent. These doctors make so many mistakes in this hospital that we shouldn't be surprised, but they absolutely deserve to be sued for that. That was so bad. Of course, Derek took it all on himself, so we have to watch Saint Puppy-Dog Eyes in a lawsuit storyline. Snore.
Episode grade: B

The Secret Circle - Lucky

Faye told her mother about Cassie’s dad?!! Oh Faye, you’re the worst, even though we love you. John Blackwell is still decidedly Team Jake. It’s doubtful that all the adults would be ok with a school hosting a Casino Night. We loved Grant right away and wanted him with Diana so that she will be happy. He seems too perfect though. He donated 100s to the school, he has an accent, he reads books, he’s confident, and he’s cute. Since it’s this show, he has to be evil or something. It was awesome when Cassie almost killed Ethan for stabbing her father. We love when she gets dark and vengeful. John must really be in Cassie’s corner, since he didn’t let her kill Ethan. This is going to cause more rifts between Adam and Cassie. Both those dads are pretty hot. Dilfs. We don’t want either of them gone. We are pretty happy with this show, but the one thing that could make it better is if it became more of an ensemble drama, like a witchy Grey’s Anatomy. Cassie is not as likeable as some of the others, and the whole circle needs equally screen time. Cassie needs to not be the “main character.” There need to be six main characters.

Episode Grade: A-

Is the Hunger Games Out Yet? (No, obviously, because we aren't living behind the movie theater waiting for each showing)

This week was really crazy, so as you can see, we are a few episodes behind on some of our favorite shows. Boo. Also, a lot of shows didn't have a new episode this week. Double boo. We hope to be caught up very soon, but this week is spring break and we always have crazy plans for spring break. We're sure we'll watch something though. 

Monday shows: 
Pretty Little Liars - Father Knows Best
After the last couple of weeks, another run-of-the-mill PLL episode wasn't going to wow us. We felt really bad for Spencer's dad during this episode. Emily's dad is awesome. Aria is donning the red coat when she meets yet another player in this game (new guy Duncan). Thank God it's March. It's time to find out who A is already. It cannot come too soon. Unless the reveal sucks.
Episode Grade: B-

The Lying Game - Weekend of Living Dangerously
EMMA SLAPPED SUTTON! Who cares about what else happened in the episode because EMMA SLAPPED SUTTON! And it was awesome! Also, pretty much nothing else happened in this episode. Well, Sutton and Thayer found out that Rebecca has a picture of Ted in her locket (which they discovered held a picture of the love of her life) and Emma and Ethan almost had sex. Ethan finally confessed the ranch kiss to Emma, and they broke up for good. It was actually a pretty boring episode, but that slap guaranteed it'd be getting nothing less than an A from us.
Episode Grade: A

Hart of Dixie - Tributes & Triangles
Okay, first things first: does this episode title remind anyone else of The Hunger Games? Just us? Well okay then. George won some Man of the Year thing and Lavon hosted party in his honor (which obviously sucked for him). Zoe made a big speech at the party and now basically everyone knows that she's in love with George. Honestly, this was probably the best episode so far. When Zoe told George that she got her father to do his dad's surgery, Leeard teared up. This show is a lot better than it has any right to be.
Episode Grade: A-

Smash - The Cost of Art
While we continue to love Julia and root for Karen, this show just keeps having non-eventful episodes. Nick Jonas guest starred and is now funding the Marilyn workshop. Karen got a much-needed makeover (both with style and attitude). Whatever. A Jonas brother will not save this show and we are surprised that was what they tried. They should go full Broadway, take more risks, and have stuff happen. One of us likes Katherine McPhee, but the other of us wonders if her lack of charisma is what is tanking the show.
Episode Grade: C

How I Met Your Mother - Karma

Barney found out that Quinn is a dancer at his favorite strip club and thinks he's dating her, when really he's paying tipping her a bunch of money. Robin moved out of Ted's apartment and into Lily and Marshall's house (temporarily). Everyone realizes that Long Island sucks and moves the heck back into Manhattan, since Ted was nice enough to give Lily and Marshall his apartment. We're left wondering what the heck Ted and Robin are going to do and frankly only one of us cares anymore.
Episode Grade: C+

Tuesday shows: 

Switched at Birth - Write a Lonely Soldier
Emmett found out that Bay had been emailing Ty while he's been in Afghanistan and he got upset. Daphne helped Travis, a student at Carlton, get a job at John's car wash, but he quickly gets fired when he gets in an argument with an important customer. Daphne goes to his house and realizes how difficult his family situation is, with parents who don't know any sign language and a younger brother who only wants to know the curse signs. It's actually pretty depressing and helps explain his earlier attitude. Travis tells John he'll work on communicating better. Overall, it was a pretty good episode. We just with Emmett would stop being stupid.
Episode Grade: B

Jane By Design - The Getaway

Well, Ben finally found out about Jane's real job. Jane and India went to California for the weekend to look for a new location for a Donovan Decker store. Nick realized that Jane would never choose him over her job and Lulu realized that Billy would never choose her over Jane, so both of those relationships appear to be over. Well, to be fair, Ben overheard India make a comment about how Jane shouldn't hook up that night, which didn't help matters. After coming to those revelations, Nick and Lulu kissed. We're actually pretty bummed that Nick and Jane broke up; they were a cute couple, if not at all realistic.
Episode Grade: B

Cougar Town - Lover's Touch
This show is just so, so good. It's funny, it's touching, and it's gotta hang around for a few more seasons. Jules has been neglecting Grayson to focus on the wedding, and he is bummed he hasn't been getting much affection. Then Travis gets into an accident and Grayson gets neglected even more. While Travis keeps telling Jules not to worry about him, Jules gives a speech that, honestly, Leeard's mom has given before. Jules tells Travis that even though he's almost 20 and in college, she's still his mother and she will continue to worry about him and his safety until the day she dies. It's a very touching scene. We love this show.
Episode Grade: A

Wednesday shows:
Suburgatory - Poetic Injustice
Oh Tessa. That poetry teacher was super weird, not super cool, as was Dalia's poetry. George and Dallas finally seem to be getting closer, so that's pretty exciting. This show never really has much of a plot, but it cracks us up on a regular basis, so we appreciate that.
Episode Grade: B+

Happy Endings - Cocktails & Dreams
This show, guys. We don't have sex dreams about Dave, but we kind of wish we did so we could be a part of that group.
Episode Grade: A-

America's Next Top Model- Kelly Osbourne
At least they didn't kick of the girl with the cutest accent yet. However, so far this season is descending into ANTM's trashy worst. What happened to real photo shoots? Why would you pair some of those famous figures. We have no favorite so far, but this show entertains us and always hooks us on the makeover episode. 
Episode grade: C+


Thursday shows: 
The Office - Test the Store

Andy got beaten up by a little girl while trying to defend Pam. Kelly used to be a bully (which we are not at all surprised by). The Florida group opened the test store to "bloggers" (um why weren't we invited?!) to some pretty positive feedback.
Episode Grade: C+

Movies: We saw Act of Valor, a movie that most everyone wants to see (OK, mostly guys), but critics say is underwhelming. Who is right? Well, the reason we go see that movie is to see bad ass Navy Seal action. Let's face it, this isn't the newest Christopher Nolan movie. If anyone is looking for nuance, grey areas, political correctness, an objective look at the military, or multidimensional characters, they can look elsewhere. We want to see Seals be awesome and that's it. The movie delivers that, and so it is a success for its audience. There is a formulaic plot in which the Seals show us what they do. When the explosions, shooting, chasing, and other fighting are going on, the movie is good and realistic. It's exactly what we are here to see. But then they have to stop and talk to each other. Those scenes range from cheesy to unintentionally hilarious. The acting is some of the worst we've ever seen, but the guys are real Seals, not actors. The script and dialogue are unworthy of these heroes, and we wish other people had been involved making it. The end message and action are good; the overall movie is unfortunate. If you like good movies, don't go see this one. If you like action, America, and Navy Seals, do. We like all of the above, so we're giving this a mixed grade of B-. Ern re-watched Warrior to make her dad and brother see it. They liked it. 

Books: We read Fever by Lauren DeStefano, the sequel to Wither. For a book where the bulk of it was spent wandering around, getting sidelined, and trying to look for Rhine's brother, it was pretty entertaining. It didn't move the plot along much and ended with a frustrating cliffhanger, but the end was truly creepy. This book is darker than the first, which was good, but we had to spend most of the sequel waiting for the exciting characters and moments. That is why the first book was better, but the second book sure wasn't bad. There was a lot of suspense built up to when and if we would see anyone from the mansion again. We await the conclusion eagerly. Grade: B


OLD SHOW ALERT: Ern finished season one of Veronica Mars. A lot of it feels like Wonderfalls in tone, especially when they brought in the Russian bride thing. That's not a bad thing. Ern can't decide if she's a Logan fan or not, but it's pretty clear at this point that he's endgame. It was cool how he stood up for her in front of his friends. It's going to be weird going into season two to have Veronica back in people's good graces, but with writing like this, Ern is pretty sure it's still going to be good. Clash of the Triton: A+, Lord of the Bling: B, Mars v. Mars: B+, Ruskie Business: B-, Betty and Veronica: A-, Kanes and Abels: B, Weapons of Class Destruction: A, Hot Dogs: A-, M.A.D.: B+, A Trip to the Dentist: A+, Leave It to Beaver: A+

There's a Light at the End of this Tunnel, Guys

Good news for those of you addicted to this blog: One of us sees a part in the clouds of schoolwork and anticipates that April-May will be lighter. This means daily posts are an option at that time. Until then, here’s your Monday summary. Yeah, we're behind on a few shows. 

Cougar Town - Ain't Love Strange: This show returned to a series low in the ratings. We were sad about that. It’s due to a tough time slot and no powerhouse lead-in like they had last year. That didn’t stop the show from turning in a premiere in its usual adorable, heartfelt style. We weren't digging Laurie's ankle monitor though. It felt like she would have told the gang the story right away, not in exposition in the episode.  
Episode grade: A-

Revenge - Chaos: Leeard was expecting (and wanting) the body to be Tyler, but Ern was completely surprised. Either way, bravo for the twist. In order to fool us, the show used a body double that looked sort of like Tyler and sort of like Daniel as the body that fell to the beach after being shot. We are really glad Revenge kept Daniel alive. One of us thought the Tyler stuff was getting a little too cheesy and overwrought, especially the scenes where he plotted with Emily. There was so much exposition that we expected him to break out in a cliché villain “muah haha.” Leeard hopes Tanaka doesn't kill Emily and is starting to like her.
Episode grade: A

Glee - Heart: Rachel’s dads were delightful, and we like the new Christian character. Ryan Murphy was jonesing for a Christian character so badly on The Glee Project that he was bound to name a Christian kid the winner. Now that he has his Christian, Ryan will be able to pick the most talented, awesome kids when The Glee Project returns. Yeah, we are still sore about Hanna losing. We also liked Quinn’s talk about Christianity and the Bible. For a crazy, flawed character, Quinn can manage to say sensible things when people need advice. She presented the other side of a common argument well. The show continues to avoid demonizing religious people while it pushes for tolerance of gay people. That’s quite a feat. We liked a lot of the songs and performances. It is eerie that Glee chose to do Whitney Houston’s famous song. The decision was made before Whitney died and the episode aired after Whitney’s death. Glee is psychic. That’s probably why it’s so crazy. We can’t believe we were sad for Karofsky. We are also surprised that Rory isn’t leaving! He was lying about his visa being denied. Does that mean Damian gets to be on the show longer than the few episodes he was promised? Strangely, Rachel Berry’s nighttime routine resembles Ern’s, only Ern’s is possibly more elaborate. Ern doesn’t do the ice thing though. That’s the height of insane, Rachel. 
Episode grade: B+

Glee First Listen Friday - Everything is a little forgettable except Blaine’s song, a cover of “Cough Syrup” by Young and the Giant/The Jakes. It’s a cool song. Blaine’s voice is too autotuned in it, but we still can’t decide if we like his cover or the original better. Rachel was given a song that didn’t fit her voice at all and the results were disappointing. The "Fly"/"I Believe I Can Fly" mash-up was ok. Ern is kind of over "I Believe I Can Fly". Leeard will never be.

The River - Los Ciegos: This show improves in its third week and is turning into a really fun show. A few of the characters got more sympathetic this episode, and there was some good humor. 
Episode grade: A-

Parenthood - Tough Love: Whoa, Julia. Being a paralegal is a hard job. They have to read well, pay attention to detail, and be extremely responsible. We love that Julia thinks Coffee Girl is that smart, but we think that’s a stretch. Fortunately for the legal profession, Coffee Girl did not apply. We love the aspect of Julia’s personality that just won’t let go of this girl, but we are bracing ourselves for a possible sad ending to this story. We can’t believe Amber was caught by Kristina so quickly. Haddie, you little rat! We are even more dismayed that Bob was such a pussy and let Kristina take her. They are both adults and the age disparity isn’t that great! Ugh, Kristina. We felt bad for Seth but not Drew in this episode. For some reason, we think Drew is too old to have this reaction. He has progressed to the age where he needs to work on being happy for his mother, getting along with his potential new stepdad, staying quiet about his feelings, and dealing with real life. Maybe we are being too harsh? Meh. 
Episode grade: B+

The Secret Circle - Return: Cassie's dad shows up at her house!! Then Cassie tells Adam, who says something like, "Then he's really alive?!" We wanted to hit him in the face for dumb ass-ery. It's been apparent for weeks. The audience knew in the pilot. Anyway, this episode was almost as good as last week's. The dad stuff did not disappoint. We're not sure we trust him, but we like him. We liked seeing Faye make out with a guy who wasn't Jake. Also, coma girl woke up. We'll see what that's about. 
Episode grade: A

The Vampire Diaries - All My Children: We have yet another Alaric death fake-out as a cliffhanger. Meredith shoots a gun in his direction. He'll live. He always does. We loved watching resourceful Elena face off against Rebekah, and it was nice to see Damon protecting his brother's returning humanity. Bonnie's mom is a vampire, yawn. Good job for fighting back, Elijah. Don't let this show take you from us again so quickly. This episode was fine, but it wasn't among this show's best. We weren't surprised by anything or particularly touched. 
Episode grade: B

Grey’s Anatomy - Have You Seen Me Lately?: Hey, you know what's awkward and sad? Watching Owen and Cristina in couples counseling. Owen is kind of jealous of Meredith, showing that he misses the point of this show, which is the friendship between Meredith and Cristina, DUH. You have to give them credit for trying with this marriage thing though. Lots of people would throw in the towel and no one would blame them, under these circumstances. Amy comes to Seattle Grace and tries to get her brother, Derek, to do a surgery. They do the surgery in the Private Practice hour (it's a crossover event), but we didn't care enough to watch Private Practice and see how it turned out. If someone else saw it, let us know. The good news this week is that Meredith and Callie might be friends now. Callie is going to help Meredith study after Meredith rocked a case where a man got his hand ground up in a meat grinder. Yuck. 
Episode grade: B

The Office - Tallahassee: The only time we laughed was during Jim's early-morning prank on Dwight. Part of the Scranton branch went down to Florida to design Sabre retail stores. Packer was there too. Dwight got appendicitis. Stanley is acting like this business trip is a month-long paid vacation. That's about it. We miss this show being hilarious.
Episode grade: C

Parks and Recreation - Dave Returns: First of all, Team Ben. Second, we also like Dave. He's so honest. We are still raising our eyebrows at the whole Ann/Ben thing, which is apparently still happening, but it was funny this episode. That song Andy wrote was appropriately hideous. Finally, we have exactly the same reaction to cops as Ben does: we never break the law, because we are terrified of cops. Ern can't even look at them when passing them on the street! 
Episode grade: A-

New Girl - Valentine: We got to see True Blood's Ryan Kwanten guest star as a guy Jess tries to have a one-night stand with. Jess's quest to "get some strange" ends badly. Wait, no, it ends adorable, because it ends with Nick dragging Jess to her bedroom when she contemplates sleeping with Schmidt. She brought an entire (and very large) box of condoms for the occasion. Guess who did sleep with Schmidt? No, not Leeard, even though he is her soulmate. Cece! We can't believe it, guys. This was a funny episode, but we don't really dig the one night stand topic. 
Episode grade: B+

Awake - Pilot: This episode is up on hulu, so you can watch it early, and you should. There isn't much here that wasn't shown in the preview, but we loved what was in the preview, so you can guess what we thought of the whole episode. The main triumph of the pilot is that we already care about the characters. We will be tuning into the second episode when it airs in March. This show reminds us a little of Journeyman, only we care more. Sadly, it seems like just the thing that could be cancelled well before it's time. NBC loves to give us great shows that don't hit it out of the ballpark, ratings-wise. With this show, we just hope there is a satisfying conclusion to what will probably be a short run. 
Episode grade: A

Modern Family - Aunt Mommy: We haven't been mentioning this show in the last couple of weeks, because most episodes are the same. People are saying this show is stuck in a rut and we agree. At least it's a relatively funny rut. However, this episode had some pleasing factors that made it stick out. For once, Cam and Mitchell's plotline didn't involve them having a fight/bickering. We got to see multiple characters drunk. The only thing that could have made this episode better would be if we had gotten to see Luke try to reanimate that dead squirrel. Even though Modern Family refuses to give us something that feels new, it's still a funny show.
Episode grade: B+

Happy Endings - Everybody Loves Grant: One of us watched this episode yesterday when she had a fever and no energy, and this show still managed to pull some chuckles out of the haze that was that day. Dave trying to be "the cool guy" made him the MVP of the night. If you like this show, you probably liked this episode. 
Episode grade: B+

Pan Am - 1964 (and the series as a whole): Well, this show wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but it had a nice little (probably) close to the series. We were left with Kate moving up in the CIA, Laura and Ted are in love (and one of us is so glad we didn't have to see Ted tell her that Amanda is pregnant), Dean and Collette are on the road to reconciliation, and Maggie is by herself. While we can kind of see hints of where the show would go if it's given a second season (Collette's search for her brother, Laura and Ted trying to figure out their relationship, Kate becoming an actual spy, Maggie hopefully dying), we think that 1964 works as a decent series finale. Pan Am was a nice diversion, but we won't miss it too much.
Episode grade: B
Series grade: C

Casting news: The Good Wife didn’t have a new episode this week, but news emerged that Matthew Perry will join the show as a lawyer who is trying to win over Alicia. Alicia and Bing-a-ling? We really don’t see it, but we like the idea of Alicia getting another love interest. Breaking Bad’s Giancarlo Esposito will play a business associate of Pierce’s dead dad on Community. We’re sure it will be perfect and hilarious, like that show always is.

Books - The White Devil: If nothing else, this book will make you deathly afraid of getting TB. The White Devil is a ghost story featuring an American teenager who has to go to a British boarding school. If you are familiar with Lord Byron as a historical figure or as a poet, you will enjoy this book a lot more than your average reader. This book was entertaining, for the most part, there was good writing, and it had some really creepy moments. But it never grabbed us and we will forget about the characters by the next week. 
Book grade: C+

As for movies, we re-watched Warrior, which is the best movie of 2011 that you never saw. Yeah, some of it isn't very original, but it is so intense Ern almost had a panic attack watching it, there's lots of emotion, you care about the characters, and it's never boring. Even if you aren't interested in MMA or fighting as a topic, you should give this one a shot. Grade: A We also saw The Other Woman with Natalie Portman. Despite mixed reviews, we enjoyed it enough that we're glad we watched it. Grade: B- Then, finally, one of us saw The Paper Chase. Like a typical law student, Ern nearly screamed at the end when the main character did what he did (no spoilers here, but if you've seen it, you know what we mean). How could he do that?!! We would NEVER do that. Also, plenty of Ern's law professors are just as bad as Kingsfield, seriously. Grade: B

This week, Happy Endings is great, The Office is ok, and Ringer forces us to drop it by sucking

Happy Endings - The St. Valentine’s Day Maxssacre

This was probably Alex’s finest episode. She was hilarious getting mistaken for a stripper, staying optimistic about love, and reciting all those historical facts about Saint Valentine’s grisly death. They ripped him tip to taint. We weren’t into Dave’s story, especially when it capped off with him missing a threesome. We are getting sick of the whole threesome trope. We did like his middle school email address. threesomechaser@pulaskimiddleschool.org. Very funny. Brad went to the dentist and got a little too much happy juice. He spent Valentine’s night high, drooling, covered in chocolate, and full of really amusing things to say. He also compared the gang to their respective Friends characters. Comical. Penny gets dumped by a guy she wanted to dump, but she felt like it would be kind to not dump him in the “break-up window.” That’s when a holiday or big personal event crops up and it would be cruel to dump someone. Max finds his ex, Grant, and the two share a kiss. Grant is played by the lead of that really good cancelled show, Lone Star. This episode had so many laughs that we are glad we’re not doing a full recap of it. We’re running out of synonyms for “funny.” It was so droll, you guys.

Episode grade: A

Ringer - What Are You Doing Here, Ho-Bag?

We officially do not care about this show anymore or anyone in it. It moves at a glacial pace. The reveals are not shocking. We don’t care about the characters. The episode titles are immature and try too hard to be clever at the same time. The show doesn’t know if its audience is composed of stupid adults or of teenagers who enjoy watching mostly adults. The episodes are too long. We have six other shows that we watch on Tuesday nights. Its situations are implausible and character motivations are unclear. The show is not entertaining to us. For a while, it seemed to get better, but the long break took its toll on our ability to remember this show was even on. The two episodes, including this one, after the hiatus have only served to bore us to tears. We have much better things to watch and not a whole lot of time, especially since we started posting more and doing longer reviews. We may tune in for the finale, just to see the conclusion of this mess. Better luck next time, SMG and The CW.

Episode grade: F because it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

The Office - Special Project

The single best scene of this episode was when Dwight was in the conference room, teaching his new team about Florida. It had great small jokes, especially if you are familiar with Florida. We are. Yes, there are too many mosquitoes. This episode was just ok, but it set up some things that will likely pay off later in the season. Like Kathy being after Jim, sexually. What a whooooooore. We know Jim won’t cheat on Pam, but it will be fun to watch Kathy try to get him, only to fail and then get fired. Also, it will be fun to see Dwight and his team in Florida. Lots of people think Dwight plots are weak, but we can’t get enough Dwight. On The Office anyway. We are still unsure about the Dwight spinoff they are considering.

Episode grade: B-

Secret Circle, Parks and Rec, and The Office

The Secret Circle - Medallion

Adam still hates Jake and wants Cassie away from him. This works when Jake tells Cassie that he has killed witches. Cassie wants nothing to do with him now. A psychic named Lucy Gibbons (played by Nurse Rose on Grey’s Anatomy) shows up and tells Cassie that she was the woman who saw Cassie snooping on the boat in Jake’s memory. Dawn finds Lucy and confronts her for betraying the witches a long time ago and Lucy ends up stabbing Dawn, because Lucy is with the witch hunters. Charlie uses the crystal to bring Dawn back to life. Cassie learns how to use her medallion and uses it to drive Lucy out of town. Lucy goes back to the head witch hunter and is killed by him. The bright side of all this is that Cassie now knows how to use the medallion to fight the witch hunters and Lucy confirmed that Cassie’s father is alive (as if there was any doubt). Faye gives Melissa that drug she’s experimenting with and Melissa is hooked. Even though all that happened, this felt more like filler than ever. Bring on that daddy. 

Episode grade: B-

Parks and Recreation - Operation Ann

Leslie spends her Valentine’s Day trying to find Ann a new love. Chris is depressed about losing Millicent and DJs a government Valentine’s Day party with hideously depressing music. Tom ends up taking Ann to dinner that night. Whoa. Apparently, he makes her laugh. Ron helps Ben complete a scavenger hunt Leslie set up, with little help from Andy. This episode was so funny that we laughed out loud multiple times and wished many other people were in the room with us so that we could laugh with them. This one was perfect. It was a great break from the campaign. 

Episode grade: A

The Office - Jury Duty

Dwight is a father! Probably. We could not love this more. Ok, we could if Dwight gets some time with the child in order to raise him in all his crazy Schrute ways. Jim pretends he has jury duty to get out of work and is caught by his co-workers, but when they realize that he was at home doing a harder job (parenting) they let him off the hook. This one was pretty funny. It wasn’t too memorable or anything to write home about, but it got the job done. Congratulations, Angela. 

Episode grade: B

NBC lovers should watch this video for a laugh:

http://www.nbc.com/parks-and-recreation/video/brotherhood-of-man/1383311

It’s Not Sex If You Can’t Remember It - Grades for this week's comedies

Shameless - Summer Loving

Sheila makes it out to a fruit stand, getting ever closer to Frank’s bar. Frank reaches a new low when he decides to find someone else to mooch off of and goes to a former bar patron, Dottie, who has health problems. She has a city pension that could go to Frank if he plays his cards right and wins Dottie’s heart before she dies. Dottie has lots of home repairs for Frank to take care of, but she can’t have sex with Frank, because it could kill her. Dottie is known for being a “butterface,” which means that she has a great body…but her face (is ugly). This is an accurate, if horrible, description of Dottie. Frank finds out that he is the male butterface. We don’t think that body is anything to write home about, Frank. Jasmine tries to set Fiona up with a sugar daddy. He turns out to be a nice guy, just along for the ride with a friend. He and Fiona have an honest, cute conversation about how it’s so not happening between them.

There wasn’t enough Fiona this week. Emmy Rossum is possibly the strongest thing about this show, and Fiona is the most developed and sympathetic character. Taking focus off of Fiona and putting it on Frank isn’t a great idea. Veronica breaks the rules at her job in order to take the elderly people at the retirement home on a fun excursion to the park. One man overexerts himself and kicks the bucket. It’s all very sweet, if a little morbid. Lip is upset that Karen seems to be taking her relationship with her new beau seriously. Ian tries gets Mickey a job at the Kash and Grab so Mickey can get redemption. Debbie is starting to show some growing pains this season and craves her own room. Frank shows compassion by lending his bedroom to a pregnant illegal immigrant. Carl moves into the van. This was funny filler. Our favorite part was when Fiona had her old diary read aloud.
Episode grade: B-

How I Met Your Mother - 46 Minutes

Lily and Marshall move to the suburbs, 46 minutes away and Barney becomes “leader of the group.” First destination? A strip club. Final destination? Lily and Marshall’s house where the gang find that it doesn’t matter if they have to travel nearly an hour by train. As long as they end up together, the group is just fine. Kevin and Robin play “relationship chicken,” which is where they both try to appear adventurous and flexible by agreeing to every suggestion. That’s how they end up at a strip club when neither of them wants to go.

Confession: Ern totally does that. Crazy restaurant with gross food? Ern is there! Go-karts even though Ern is a grown-ass woman? Ern is there. Beer festival? Ern is there (and wasted). This episode, while not as funny as we wanted it to be, at least showed Ern that she is not alone in being too agreeable at the beginning of relationships. And, actually, Ern ended up really liking the go-kart thing. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with trying out a guy’s interests for a while. What else is dating for, if not to learn about new people and have experiences?

The episode was briefly funny when Barney and Ted played poker with the Russian mob. The whole thing with Lily’s father trying to “help” Marshall and refusing to move out was not funny. Strip clubs are gross. The best part of this episode was the new intro with Barney as the head of the group. The show gets bonus points for playing a second version of that halfway through the episode. Overall though, the episode was dull and flat.
Episode grade: C+

New Girl - The Story of the 50

Jess prepares a party bus for Schmidt’s 29^th birthday. Schmidt gets drunk and tries to kiss Jess, which is why he had to put a 50 in the douchebag jar. There, see? We told that story a lot quicker than the gang in this episode. Nick has a new girlfriend named Julia who is played by Lizzy Caplan who was also in Party Down, True Blood, and Mean Girls (and Related!!). She was Janis. Yes, Janis is pretty in real life. We love Lizzy Caplan. This episode was mildly amusing. Jess acted intelligently, for the most part, which is a relief to Ern. We also got to see Schmidt as a fat college guy. Awww.
Episode grade: B+

Happy Endings- Makin Changes

Jane convinces Penny not to change herself for guys, but to find a guy to change instead. Penny starts dating Jeff, a 30-year-old who still acts like he is 20, played by Ryan Hansen (who will always be Veronica Mars' Dick Casablancas to one of us). Penny changes Jeff for the better and he goes back to his ex-girlfriend a new-and-improved man. Penny does manage to break her pattern though. Year of Penny! Jane brags about how she changed Brad, so Brad starts acting like he did back in college. Jane realizes that Brad changed her too, so she approaches Brad looking like she did in college (with pink hair). They admit that they grew up together. Alex and Max are addicted to shows like Hoarders and Intervention. They conduct an intervention for Dave to stop him from wearing V-necked t-shirts. All three storylines are funny. We love this show.
Episode grade: A-

Parks and Recreation - Campaign Ad

Paul Rudd is Leslie Knope’s opponent! Brilliant! He is adorable and makes the episode even funnier than it would normally have been. Leslie and Ben fight over whether Leslie’s ad should be positive or negative. Finally, they make a great ad that they both like. April and Andy have multiple doctor appointments so that they don’t have to seek medical attention for at least ten years. At the end of this post, we have included Leslie's full "pro list" because it was impossible to see in the episode.
Episode grade: A-

The Office - Pool Party

This episode was really weird, but it worked for Ern. The opening was one of the funniest Office openings we’ve seen in a while, especially the dog dressed as Dwight. Ern is starting to ship Erin and Dwight, and Leeard thinks that is gross. “Monogamy for my hog in me,” might be one of the best Andy lines ever. Man, weird WORKS for this show. Even Gabe was funny! There were multiple, audible laughs from us during this episode. We all know The Office needs to change in order to have new life, and this type of humor might be a good direction for it to go in. It's not the show it was, but it's a show that's still funny, in a way. 
Episode grade: A

Modern Family - Little Bo Bleep

There was lots of controversy about Lily saying the F-word, but we thought it was funny and realistic. Who doesn’t remember younger siblings, cousins, or their own children accidentally saying bad words without knowing the implications? The highlight of the episode though was Phil getting autotuned on youtube for talking about how much of a pervert he is for wanting to have sex with his wife. CLASSIC. Stella is the cutest dog in the world and we want her. We are with Jay on this one.
Episode grade: B

LESLIE'S PRO LIST

• More dog parks
• Senior citizens rights
• Safe streets
• Safe sidewalks
• Better schools
• Lower taxes
• Better parks
• Better business climate
• Better Better Business Bureau
• Cleaner streets
• Improve greenways
• More snow plows
• Protecting Pawneeans
• Improving tourism
• More trash cans
• Energy-efficient street lights
• Westside Detoxification and Revitalization Project
• Repaving Grand Avenue
• More teachers
• Fewer libraries
• Improve intergovernmental agency communication
• Clean-up Barefoot Lake
• Passing Pawnee Jobs Bill P-129.4
• Playgrounds in every park
• Playgrounds in every schoolyard
• Playgrounds in every residential block
• Clean energy
• One police officer for every 5 citizens
• One park ranger for every 10,000 raccoons
• Resodding Hilltop Cemetery
• Start talking to Cuba again
• Emergency evacuation drills
• Plow for Charity
• Forming an Ad Hoc Sub-Committee Oversight Committee
• Challenging the norm
• Pawnee Corn Subsidies
• Finally Passing PR-61, formally recognizing South Korea
• Official peace treaty with the Wamapoke Tribe
• Four-way stops at every intersection
• Unionizing ice cream trucks
• Get Europe out of debt
• Free trade with Illinois
• Enact RRP - Raccoon Relocation Project
• Pawnee Community College tuition in exchange for 4 years of public service
• Doubling Pawnee Hospital's emergency room nurse staff
• Legalize Korean
• Lower the obesity level
• Stop global terrorism
• Re-open the toucan exhibit at Pawnee Zoo
• Find Gabe the Toucan
• More community gardens
• Ordinance 11F: To Re-pave City Sidewalks
• Budget reform
• Updated Technologies for Local Schools
• Better retirement benefits for city employees
• Edward Phillips Senior Center Remodeling
• Speed bumps in front of elementary schools
• Unemployment benefits
• Re-instating the Main St. Farmers Market
• No turtles as pets
• New uniforms for youth sports programs
• Free public Wi-Fi
• Updated childcare facilities
• Shutting down the Child Left Behind program
• Handicap parking placards for the obese
• FREE PARKING EVERYWHERE
• Cleaner drinking water
• Regulate heights of trampolines
• Memorial for those lost in the trampoline "incident"
• Control the floods
• Funding for public art commission
• Fencing in correctional facilities
• New police patrol cars
• Funding overtime hours for police
• Rebuilding the PTA
• Prosecuting former PTA president Linda Trifle
• Profitable government organizations
• Shutting down underground shooting ranges
• Making sure city contracts employ local workers
• Providing more economic development grants and micro-loans to small businesses
• Foster partnerships with sister cities
• More buses to speed up morning commutes
• More streets to accommodate additional buses
• Require all city employees check and respond to email
• Working sewers
• More parades
• Grants for scientists to discover new forms of energy
• Leave a lasting impression on all visitors
• Challenge the norm
• Finish the statue of Burt Bacharach
• No more conflict diamonds
• Bulletproof glass everywhere
• Free cookies at every street corner
• One school for every student
• Require flattering mirrors in public restrooms
• Develop a municipal composting operation
• Enforce existing speeding and noise ordinances
• Upgrade existing parks
• Create an anti-graffiti, youth outreach program
• Free cake when it's your birthday
• Reevaluate NAFTA
• Rickshaw Wednesdays
• Making it illegal to refuse a hug
• Make downtown more people-friendly
• Sell candy in government buildings to pay down the debt
• Get Pawnee a licensed pharmacy
• Better screening processes at local adoption agencies
• Finding homes for the adopted children of Day Labor Corp.
• Prop 6A: To Recognize All Five Food Groups
• Replacing all glass with plastic at Pawnee Psychiatric Clinic
• Curfew for minors at The Pawnee Mall
• Stop paying Sweetums the so-called "thank you for being here" tax
• Mini-golf renovations
• Subsidizing educational and eco-friendly businesses
• Removing Zorp from all written laws
• Reducing Federal Government Experiments in town to 10 per year
• Ordinance 8R: A Goat Cannot Own/Inherit a Farm
• Legalize clapping
• New railway
• Prop 14: Religion Is Not a Science
• No longer recognizing the winner of the chili cook-off as a government position
• Stricter testing at Pawnee Blood Bank
• Boarding up unsanctioned "drop off" slot at Pawnee Blood Bank
• Encouraging the FDA to re-analyze our farms
• Funding for better and safer sewage treatment
• Thicker cement for containment of old sewage treatment factory
• Mandatory sexual harassment seminar for government employees
• Starting a dialogue with the people who live in the trees
• Pay off our debt to the Ringling Bros.
• Prove that we can safely host a circus again
• Ordinance 43K: Laws Cannot Be Secrets
• Recall Food N' Stuff branded hand sanitizer
• Disseminate the fund for a Pawnee Military
• Find the stolen cell phone tower
• Reduce obesity by .01% (100 lbs per family)
• Make the Pawnee Cemetery less flammable
• Less nudity on public-access television
• Capping the number of local public-access channels at 50
• Eliminate permit application process for legal ownership of a calculator
• Making Li'l Sebastian Day a legal holiday