The Rest of the Dramas! Sorry for all the lateness.

Ringer - “Oh Gawd, There’s Two of Them?”
Bridget has to tell Andrew and Henry that Siobhan had a twin. It turns out the Bridget’s new sponsor is working for Siobhan and he’s the one who killed Gemma. Gasp! Also, Malcolm escapes. After Juliet boozes, parties, and crashes a car in order to help her friend, Andrew cuts her off of her trust fun. Let’s all have a sarcastic slow clap for Andrew for doing the thing he should have done years ago. Good luck buying drugs when you don’t have access to $10 million. The fact that he didn’t do this in the first place means that Juliet should be taken away from him. Also, Juliet was scandalized and hurt that Andrew didn’t trust her motives. No sympathy. You do hard drugs in high school, you lose all expectation of trust. Overall, this show has really gone uphill.

Episode grade: B

American Horror Story - “Halloween 2”
Ok, Hayden was actually genuinely creepy. When she was rotting from the inside out, that was a nice touch. We are SO GLAD the dog wasn’t in the microwave. That would have been too far. Tate’s backstory is amazingly interesting and we look forward to the flashback and more details. Ben has been thrown out of the house by Vivien, but we hope that he has to come back soon. Out of everyone in that family, he is the one who most deserves to live in the haunted house, and it isn’t because he’s a cheater (although that doesn’t help). We feel bad for the way he has to deal with all that shame. He’s the worst because he has a pattern of covering things up. Everyone messes up in life. It’s how you deal with the aftermath, grit your teeth, and own up to things that decides whether you’re scum or not. No one likes a cover-up.

Episode grade: B

Revenge - “Charade”
Man, this was a good one. We had Nolan’s first takedown, and it was successful. The “Tyler is gay and in love with Daniel” theorists were correct. We liked the whole swapped identity thing, but man, Frank got way too close for comfort there. We, like many others, still aren’t buying the Declan/Charlotte romance, and we wish Declan had been cast by a different actor.

Episode grade: A-
The Secret Circle - “Beneath”
The Circle goes to Henry’s house to look for Jane, because Cassie hasn’t heard from her in days. The crew finds the house empty, but Cassie gets a text from Jane, saying that she is on her way home. The Circle decides to stay the night in Henry’s house. Diana experiences jealousy over Adam not being able to bear watching Cassie kiss Jake on a dare. Faye is jealous of Cassie and Jake’s budding romance. Jake rejects Cassie later, though. It seems that he is more into his witch-hunting team than her right now, but that might change. Henry reaches out to Faye from beyond the grave and Cassie finds his body. Meanwhile, Charles erases Jane’s memory and has Henry’s crystal. Most of these episodes have been heavy on the action and light on the character development. We got more quiet time with the characters during this episode, and we loved that. We also like when Diana starts to show her imperfect side, like when she made Cassie and Jake kiss. Most of all, we thought the music in this episode was really beautiful.

Episode grade: A

Fringe - “Novation”
We pretty much know how the Observers erased Peter now, if we hadn’t guessed already. The case of the week was boring, but the Peter/Olivia/Walter stuff was pretty good. Walter has rejected Peter as his son and a family member that he is allowed to keep. That’s sad, but we’re pretty sure he will come around, eventually, and help Peter figure things out. We’re glad to have Peter back.

Episode grade: B

Sons of Anarchy - “Kiss”
The way things are going, it looks like SAMCRO is going to have no choice but to kick Clay out of the club, which is something we are surprised hasn’t happened a long time ago. Clay gets one step closer to taking out Tara for good.

Episode grade: A-

Parenthood - “Forced Family Fun”
The main drama going on right now is the whole Seth thing. We hope he gets better, and he seems sincere, but this had better not affect Sarah’s new relationship, which is getting cuter all the time. Coffee girl needs to not sweat the small stuff and give Julia a break every once in a while. It’s like she gets paid for every awkward moment that she makes even more awkward.

Episode grade: B

Person of Interest - “Witness”
Reese has to protect a school teacher who saw a Russian mob shooting. Of course, Carter has to get all up in everyone’s business. The whole Carter thing had better turn out to be just as good as the rest of the show. It had just better pan out.

Episode grade: B-

Nikita - “Clawback”
Michael is mad at Nikita for not telling him about his son, even though she told him and pretty much did it right away. Ugh. We are kind of hating the whole Michael’s son thing. The son needs to die. We liked Alex’s plot this week, and we loved that Ryan came back.

Episode grade: B-

Prime Suspect - “Shame”
This episode featured a prostitute who killed, but we were less interested in her than the cop shenanigans that went on in this episode (like when two of them pretended that they were going to hit one of their informants). The team is getting along better, and we like that. The shooter from Grey’s Anatomy guest starred, and he was creepy in this, too.

Episode grade: B-

Grey’s Anatomy - “Heart-Shaped Box”
George’s mom returns and isn’t scandalized by Callie’s lesbianism. She just wants to see pictures of the baby. Aww. We enjoyed all the discussion and memories of George. We like when this show acknowledges its outlandishly crazy past. Jackson dumped Lexie because she doesn’t love him. She should, but she loves Mark instead. Finally, Henry is puking up blood, and that’s not good. We’re not saying we’d be devastated or anything, but it would be sad. Filler, but lighthearted, mature filler.

Episode grade: B-

Bones - “Memories in the Shallow Grave”
This was an average, “meh” episode, but it’s adorable to see Bones and Booth as a couple.

Episode grade: C+

A Gifted Man - “In Case of Memory Loss”
Michael comes across a former football player that he operated on a long time ago. The football player has since lost a lot of his memory and become homeless. Also, Michael has to treat a teenage girl who is having trouble coping with her best friend’s murder. Michael helps people. His wife haunts him. This was all par-for-the-course for this show.

Episode grade: B-

BONES!

Bones comes back tonight. One of us is literally trembling with excitement. The other one? Not so much.

Chat - Primarily on last night's Glee ("Night of Neglect")

ern (11:31:21 AM): Chode!
Leeard (11:31:32 AM): Yes, chode?
ern (11:32:01 AM): Tell us something entertaining
Leeard (11:32:12 AM): ummmmmmm How I Met Your Mother is pretty good this week, as is Cougar Town. And I watched this week’s episode of The Chicago Code again.
ern (11:32:55 AM): I forgot to call Cougar Town and order a penny can :-(
Leeard (11:33:05 AM): Way to go
(GLEE STARTS)
ern (8:01:08 PM): Offshore accounts! Oh Sue.
Leeard (8:01:53 PM): Umm so 5000 * 0.25 isn't 20000
ern (8:02:06 PM): Umm, so you're a nerd
Leeard (8:02:15 PM): Ummmm no, I’m just not a moron. I love Brittany
ern (8:03:08 PM): She's so obsessed with cats. All of her facebook statuses are about cats.
Leeard (8:03:12 PM): She's so amazing
ern (8:05:07 PM): Terri is pretty
Leeard (8:05:14 PM): I’ve missed Terri. UGH. Gwyneth Paltrow.
ern (8:06:20 PM): Gwyneth is here to butcher the hell outta ADELE
Leeard (8:06:34 PM): I’m seriously not looking forward to it
ern (8:06:50 PM): I'm looking forward to your comments about it, so suck it up and watch it. I think Gwyneth is good in this role, but it's a bad idea to ask anyone to try to live up to ADELE. Rachel needs to not have bangs. Ughhh, Will Ferrell is going to be on The Office for FOUR episodes.
Leeard (8:13:10 PM): ughhhhh. I don't like her (Sunshine) either
ern (8:13:35 PM): What a surprise, you don't like an arrogant person (sarcasm).
Leeard (8:13:58 PM): How is Sunshine Corazon arrogant?
ern (8:14:15 PM): She just bragged about how she was alone at the top and such a better singer than anyone. I thought that's what you didn't like
Leeard (8:14:39 PM): I started typing it before she said that
ern (8:14:48 PM): Why don't you like her then?
Leeard (8:15:23 PM): I don't like her voice
ern (8:15:40 PM): What don't you like about it? The range? The power? That darn clear tone? I want Jesse St. James back NOW
Leeard (8:17:00 PM): Freaking me too
ern (8:17:38 PM): I love Lauren
(A Thor commercial comes on)
Leeard (8:17:42 PM): THOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ern (8:17:46 PM): NERD
Leeard (8:18:05 PM): I'm okay with that
ern (8:20:15 PM): ok, The Vampire Diaries finale will feature deaths, duh, but I just read that they will be both "momentus and tragic." I really can't think of a single good character on that show that I can live without, except for Bonnie, and they won't kill her because they already did a fake-out
Leeard (8:20:43 PM): Or maybe it was foreshadowing? I kinda hope they kill off sheriff mama
ern (8:21:10 PM): Me too, but I wouldn’t call that momentous
Leeard (8:21:28 PM): Well, depending on how she died ....
ern (8:21:30 PM): Who is a character you think they might kill but really hope they don't?
Leeard (8:21:52 PM): I don't want to think about it. I don't like reading spoilers, and you already ruined it for me
ern (8:22:29 PM): Since when do you not like reading spoilers?
Leeard (8:23:06 PM): I read spoilers for, like, Bones, but not for shows that are crap-your-pants awesome.
ern (8:23:28 PM): This Emma/Will scene is hella-lame. Is anyone still into that couple?
Leeard (8:24:32 PM): Someone please tell Mercedes that she’s being stupid.
ern (8:24:41 PM): She's not. She should have a fresh puppy any time she wants
Leeard (8:25:04 PM): um no. Seeing as how they're trying to raise money, it doesn't make sense to spend money on her demands
ern (8:25:52 PM): Puppies are free at the shelter
Leeard (8:26:03 PM): no, they aren't
ern (8:26:16 PM): Gotta spend money to make money. I want to be carried to class in a giant egg. If anyone were to make that happen, I would do anything for them
Leeard (8:29:10 PM): oh, how did you like How I Met Your Mother?
ern (8:29:16 PM): Pretty good
Leeard (8:29:47 PM): i thought about texting you and saying "just watch the theme song"
ern (8:30:20 PM): For the record, after I finish watching the last Harry Potter movie, I am going to sob for about two straight hours. Grieving the end of my childhood.
Leeard (8:30:40 PM): I’ll probably be doing the same thing. Hopefully the midnight premiere won’t interfere with work.
ern (8:32:03 PM): Harry Potter > Work. PERIOD
Leeard (8:32:13 PM): !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE
ern (8:32:53 PM): I really have to hurry up the plans on that Darren Criss intervention I'm planning for you. I know who is going to be prom king and queen on Glee. Some extra spoiled it.
Leeard (8:36:05 PM): Don't tell me. I love Mike’s dancing. Also, this song.
ern (8:36:50 PM): "Meh" to both
Leeard (8:37:04 PM): He's so adorable though. But I wish Brittany had danced with him
ern (8:37:26 PM): Me too. I love HER dancing
Leeard (8:38:05 PM): ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Gwyneth’s version of "Turning Tables" is coming up. I don't want to watch. I want to change the channel after commercials
ern (8:38:28 PM): Please don't. Hate it with me. We so rarely get to hate the same things at the same time, with no arguing
Leeard (8:38:53 PM): Ha. Watch me love it. Just kidding. Obviously that will never happen. Charice, get off my TV!!!
ern (8:40:36 PM): Were you with me and __ and __ when we saw The Hangover?
Leeard (8:41:18 PM): mmhmm
ern (8:41:44 PM): oh yeah...you're the one who compared me to Zach Galifianakis' character.
Leeard (8:42:02 PM): That wasn't just me ....and I seem to recall you saying you'd memorize his wolf speech
ern (8:42:30 PM): And if we go to Vegas, I will
Leeard (8:44:51 PM): Rachel Berry, I love you. Why does Rachel get all the attention? BECAUSE SHE'S BETTER, MERCEDES
ern (8:45:35 PM): I think they are equally good
Leeard (8:45:46 PM): I think Lea Michele is better
ern (8:46:03 PM): I know you do, because your Lea Michele obsession almost rivals your Darren Criss obsession
(Gwyneth starts singing)
Leeard (8:46:28 PM): UGH. I HATE THIS. I WANT TO KILL SOMEONE. DON'T RUIN MY DAMN SONG
ern (8:46:42 PM): Nice orchestra. They brought out the big guns
Leeard (8:46:58 PM): …..To try to cover up her crap voice
ern (8:47:12 PM): Actually, I'm liking the way she does the verses
Leeard (8:47:26 PM): It’s not the WORST thing I’ve ever heard, but it's nowhere NEAR as good as the original
ern (8:47:47 PM): Dude, this is REALLY good
Leeard (8:47:51 PM): I disagree
ern (8:48:00 PM): I'm downloading it and replacing the Adele version
Leeard (8:48:08 PM): I’m killing you. Please tell me you’re joking.
ern (8:48:19 PM): HAhahahahahA. NO. I'm not, because I am duty-bound to disagree with you, no matter what. KIDDING. That was holler-y and lame. ADELE ftw.
Leeard (8:49:03 PM): Thank you. You whore.
ern (8:49:40 PM): That song was so completely unnecessary
Leeard (8:49:43 PM): I was seriously contemplating not talking to you
ern (8:49:50 PM): Why would the character of Holly Holliday sing at the kids’ glee benefit?
Leeard (8:50:11 PM): To make me want to cut out my ears
ern (8:52:43 PM): Why is Hollywood trying to make Emma Roberts happen?
Leeard (8:52:59 PM): Yeah, I don't know
ern (8:53:14 PM): I kind of liked her in "It's kind of a funny story." But I think it was just the movie/part
Leeard (8:53:34 PM): Wait, is Rachel not singing? Rude.
ern (8:53:39 PM): This had better knock my socks off, Mercedes
Leeard (8:53:44 PM): Love that dress
ern (8:53:49 PM): Me too
Leeard (8:54:48 PM): I don't think this is amazing. I'm kind of disappointed. Mercedes has sounded better. Wait. It’s getting better. She heard me.
ern (8:55:33 PM): Come on. Give us a big note. Bring it home.
Leeard (8:55:48 PM): I have faith. That was good. It wasn't great
ern (8:56:24 PM): It was ok
Leeard (8:56:34 PM): Rachel could totally follow that though.
ern (8:56:55 PM): I like seeing Rachel be nice, but I like hearing her sing more
Leeard (8:56:56 PM): Gwyneth just said amazeballs. MOTHEREFFER
ern (8:57:00 PM): so?
Leeard (8:57:30 PM): So, I like saying amazeballs and she just took that from me
ern (8:57:44 PM): hahahahaha I'm gonna start saying it too
Leeard (8:58:07 PM): please tell me that the Vocal Adrenaline director is going to come out of the closet
ern (9:02:22 PM): Are you gonna watch the royal wedding? I can't be bothered, even thought that Kate seems like a nice girl. I can just google pictures of the dress. Good enough.
Leeard (9:02:30 PM): I probably will, just to watch all of my dreams get dashed.
ern (9:03:03 PM): But that guy is an uggo
Leeard (9:03:11 PM): He wasn't.
ern (9:04:26 PM): SOUTH PARK SEASON PREMIERE APRIL 27
Leeard (9:04:32 PM): I KNOW
ern (9:05:28 PM): I didn't. I’m so excited. http://bangabledudesinhistory.blogspot.com/ I'm disappointed that we didn't think of THAT blog
Leeard (9:12:15 PM): I’m enjoying this website. There are some hotties
ern (9:12:30 PM): Surprisingly, yeah. I like the pie charts
Leeard (9:12:52 PM): I like this would-be assassin. He’s my type
ern (9:13:10 PM): He's not my type. I swear you can see the devil in his eyes. Like, he looks evil
Leeard (9:13:29 PM): That's part of my type
ern (9:13:35 PM): Really?
Leeard (9:13:45 PM): Usually
ern (9:14:40 PM): I know we've had this discussion before, but bad boys are a huge turn-off for me...unless they are Damon Salvatore. And that's mostly because Damon is funny. That had to be one of the lamest Glee episodes ever
Leeard (9:23:00 PM): It wasn't that great
ern (9:23:04 PM): Nope. I'm prepared to deliver unto it a C-
Leeard (9:24:40 PM): Ok
ern (9:38:33 PM): We are up to 8 cents (from advertising on the blog)
Leeard (9:38:37 PM): Whoa buddy
ern (9:38:57 PM): How are you going to spend your share?
Leeard (9:39:21 PM): I think I’ll invest it
ern (9:39:39 PM): Sensible. I'm gonna squander mine on gigolos
Leeard (9:39:55 PM): Maybe in 927408 years, I’ll have a dollar

That's about it. Oh, but that Glee spoiler Ern mentioned will be placed in the comments for all those who didn't see it on yahoo news. If you want to know.

A Few Comments on This Week's TV

How I Met Your Mother - The Exploding Meatball Sub
Both of us thought this episode was a little “meh” and not funny, although ern really liked that Marshall finally quit his job at GNB. She also liked the meatball sub stuff.

Episode Grade: C+

The United States of Tara - The Full F You Finger
It was ok. The Adventures of Kate are boring us. Get back to Tara.

Episode Grade: C+

Body of Proof - Talking Heads
We are starting to bemoan the lack of chemistry in the cast and the predictability in the episodes, but we are still watching. Leeard thinks it’s like Bones, only stupider and without Booth. Liked the corny ending though. We’re suckers for mother/daughter stuff.

Episode Grade: C

Modern Family - The Musical Man
Very funny, even though the plot where it looked like Phil was pimping out his family was a little too dumb, even for Phil. Then she show actually pulled off a touching moment with Jay’s brother! We missed this show.

Episode Grade: B+

America’s Next Top Model - Lana Marks
We were a little shocked that Jaclyn went home so early. She takes great pictures. True, she looks the least like a model and she runs the least amount of drama in the house. We think it should have been Hannah or Molly. Molly has had a horrible attitude from day one. We are still rooting for enemies Brittani and Alexandria.

Episode Grade: A-

American Idol
As it stands, Leeard is rooting for Casey. Ern has favored Haley for a while. Even before "Bennie and the Jets". But feel free to hop on this bandwagon. Haley has a fantastic voice. Leeard was sad to lose Paul. Ern was ecstatic. He was the worst. Now, we just have to get rid of Jacob Lusk, a singer neither of us like. When we agree on American Idol, it’s rare. That’s how bad Jacob is. Week grade: A

The Office - Training Day
A show that mostly isn't funny anymore + a comedian who mostly isn’t funny anymore? You know how this turned out. We have only liked Will F in Anchorman. Elf had a funny script, but Will didn’t add much to it and came across as a creeper. Neither of us cared for him in The Office. Someone breathe new life in this show, fast. Funniest part of the episode? The turtle part. Episode Grade: C

The Vampire Diaries - The Last Dance
This show can do no wrong. It is so much better than any teen show has any right to be. The pacing, the twists, the characters, the hot guys, the lack of stupidity, the health of the relationships, and the moxie of the main girl? Pitch perfect, and this week is no exception. Episode grade: A

Bones - The Truth in the Myth
Too predictable, pretty forgettable. And stupid, because the chupacabra is obviously real.
Episode grade: C

Mike and Molly - Opening Day
We liked the bonding between Molly and Carl, but she shouldn't have gone to the baseball game with them.

Episode Grade: B-

The Chicago Code - Wild Onions
It’s awesome. One day the blogger who loves this show will explain why it’s awesome, but until then, accept it.

Episode Grade: A-

Better with You - Better Without a Job
The stupid plot with the book/Maddie is dumb for the whole pretending-to-not-be-fired thing.

Episode Grade: C

30 Rock - I Heart Connecticut
Truly, truly unspecial episode. No laughs, lame plots. At least we’ve got crazy Tracy back for next time though, right?

Episode Grade: D+

Community - Competitive Wine Tasting
We didn’t love Trey’s subplot, but we loved someone calling Jeff out for being a douche. And did Pierce really find the right one? Fiddla please.

Episode grade: B

Parks and Recreation - Andy and April’s Fancy Party
We want Ben to get Leslie. At least for a little while. They set it up so subtly that it felt like the audience’s idea. Until this episode, where it was obvious. Brilliant. Plus, April and Andy got married!

Episode Grade: A-

Fringe - Lysergic Acid Diethylamide
That reminded us of Inception. Only with more character development. The cartoon thing was cute, but Olivia’s looked nothing like her. Very strange, but we liked this one. Oh, this show. Episode grade: A-

Chaos - Love and Rockets
Par for the course for this show, which equals an episode grade of B-

A Wee Saturday-Morning TV Chat

ern (1:14:37 PM): I just turned on The Vampire Diaries!!!
Leeard (1:15:00 PM): Psh, took you long enough
ern (1:15:12 PM): I've been very busy. Is it good?
Leeard (1:15:19 PM): Duh. Why is that even a question?
ern (1:19:46 PM): Because I'm an artard. Clearly
Leeard (1:21:16 PM): ah
ern (1:24:39 PM): So whatcha doonin?
Leeard (1:24:46 PM): Watching Degrassi and avoiding working on a presentation. It’s not as good as TVD, but still. Also, Bones is suuuuuuper predictable this week.
ern (1:26:37 PM): I think Imma skip it
Leeard (1:26:54 PM): Imma tell you that's probably a good call
ern (1:27:53 PM): Ughhh, you guys, Klaus is Alaric. Shut uppp. Well, now Caroline came out as Jackie-o, completely missing that Jackie was a brunette.
Leeard (1:30:16 PM): Psh, that doesn’t mean anything. Doesn't she look adorable?
ern (1:30:24 PM): She does, but I think you have to be brunette when you dress up as her
Leeard (1:31:02 PM): I think it's still obvious who she is
ern (1:31:10 PM): true, but it's a sacrilege
Leeard (1:31:31 PM): You're sacrilege
ern (1:31:48 PM): why hasn't Elena made out with Damon yet?
Leeard (1:32:07 PM): Good freaking question
ern (1:32:22 PM): Poor Jeremy
Leeard (1:32:33 PM): Why?
ern (1:32:45 PM): Because he can't do anything to help Bonnie except walk around looking hot. I hate that Matt is undercover with Caroline’s mom
Leeard (1:33:29 PM): I do too, but I also love it. Like, I’m scared because I feel like it's dangerous for one or both of them. But I also love that they know. ALSO I MISS TYLER
ern (1:36:19 PM): I do NOT like Matt's hair like that and I do NOT like how he is betraying Caroline. Also, I just ate my weight in chicken
Leeard (1:36:44 PM): yummy. I don't like how he's betraying Caroline, but .... she's a vampire
ern (1:37:24 PM): She explained what happened and he took NOT her side
Leeard (1:38:00 PM): he doesn't view her as Caroline anymore
ern (1:38:08 PM): well, he's wrong
Leeard (1:38:09 PM): so he didn't betray HER
ern (1:39:12 PM): Dance club version of "I Think We're Alone Now"? Bonnie is so meh.
Leeard (1:39:48 PM): ugh you're so meh
ern (1:39:57 PM): YOU'RE so meh
Leeard (1:40:04 PM): Wow good comeback
ern (1:40:10 PM): It hates you, precious
Leeard (1:40:12 PM): No, it doesn’t.
ern (1:42:05 PM): Elena just found out Klaus took a body. Elena's thinking, "I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHEN HE DIDN'T KNOW WATERGATE WAS IN THE 70S!"
Leeard (1:42:12 PM): um duh. Also, did you yell at your TV when they left Elena and Jeremy together?
ern (1:42:37 PM): I don’t like the way the actor is playing Alaric/Klaus, and no, because I don't yell at my TV, weirdo.
Leeard (1:42:49 PM): like, DON'T LET THE HUMANS BE ALONE. Ha okay I don't know if you'll like Happy Endings, but I’m cracking up
ern (1:43:46 PM): I don’t usually like stuff like that, but I will give it a try
ern (1:45:40 PM): Bonnie NO. Don’t kill Alaric. Oh my jeezzzz.
Leeard (1:47:01 PM): mmhmm
ern (1:47:11 PM): YES YES A+. Bonnie DEAD. And now Elena is going to hate Damon. But Bonnie and Damon never got to have sex! Shame. It’s sad that Elena is sad. Well, at least Kat Graham still has this to fall back on- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JYMDYdOgRk

Leeard (1:51:31 PM): okay, i liked the pilot of Happy Endings. Also, I sure hope that's the Bieber video
ern (1:51:47 PM): I usually don't like stuff like Happy Endings. Kat's in a Bieber video?
Leeard (1:52:05 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOI4OF7iIr4
ern (1:52:08 PM): She’s not dead. Stupid fake-out.
Leeard (1:52:51 PM): That's why i haven't said anything since you said how happy you were that she died. Also, it's not a season finale and there were still 10 minutes left, did you actually expect her to die?
ern (1:53:56 PM): Some shows go there. Skype? Hopefully Klaus isn't a hacker
Leeard (1:54:41 PM): I mean, this show goes there too, but not with that much time left in an episode. Come on, even I knew she wasn't actually dead
ern (1:56:42 PM): ELENA NO
Leeard (1:56:47 PM): ELENA YES
ern (1:57:01 PM): why WHYYYYY? This show is so convoluted, I forgot why she would pull the dagger out of Elijah.
Leeard (1:57:18 PM): a) to be able to kill klaus with the dagger and b) because elijah wants klaus dead too
Ern (1:57:20 PM): Ughhhh
Leeard (1:57:25 PM): No joke, i've been listening to this song non-stop. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-64CaD8GXw
ern (1:57:26 PM): I have that on my 'pod
Leeard (1:57:28 PM): I do too, hence me listening to it non-stop
ern (1:57:42 PM): That's one of my dad's rings on his phone
Leeard (1:57:56 PM): Your dad is cool

Bones - The Daredevil in the Mold

Yesssssssssssssss. We know we are supposed to be sad because Booth is sad and always getting rejected, despite his insane hotness and good-guyness. Yeah, that’s realistic. But we’re not, because we (hopefully) don’t ever have to look at Hannah’s face again. In a few months, we will have forgotten her name. In case you missed it, the only important thing that happened on Bones last night was that Booth proposed to Hannah, and Hannah shot him down, reiterating that she is not the marrying kind. Booth was heartbroken and angry. He threw the ring away and went to get drunk.

Hannah called Brennan, and Brennan met Booth at the bar. Booth didn’t want to talk about it, but he said that he wondered what was wrong with him that none of the women he loved in his life ever wanted to be with him forever. Then Booth made it pretty clear that he wasn’t ready to get into discussing the Brennan/Booth romance. He needed a partner, and a drinking partner, that night. She stayed and drank with him.

People on the show kept asking the question that all of us are asking now: “What happens next?” Apparently, the show writers think that having Booth and Brennan fall into a relationship together soon would be too contrived, so they are going to drag it out even more. There will be an episode soon where Booth and Brennan get stuck in an elevator together and are forced to talk a little more in detail about where they stand in their relationship. But we wouldn’t expect them to get together anytime soon.

It looks like this season will be mostly known for Hannah unless the writers can pull off a great sniper arc or have Booth and Brennan get together in the finale. Since Hannah didn’t go out with a bang, we are wondering if her arc was a complete waste of time. Most of us are still hanging onto this show to see a Brennan/Booth relationship. Is anyone enthralled by the weekly cases anymore? At least with Hannah gone, the two are one step closer to getting together.

Bones - The Sin in the Sisterhood recap/review

A victim's body was found in cornfield, and Brennan and Booth had to investigate the dead man's three wives. The wives were also biological sisters. Booth and Bones bickered about the nature of marriage, jealousy, and love. They found out the sisters' father had killed the guy. Not a surprise and not a great addition to the polygamy TV canon. Ern was disgusted with the college student who slept with the victim, despite knowing that he had at least one wife. How can you do that? It boggles the mind.

Much of the episide also focused on Cam's frustration with her (new) doctor boyfriend. He wasn't making enough time for their relationship, and, to be fair, neither was she. In the end, they both decided to make their relationship more of a priority. The episode ended with Booth giving Brennan a meaningful look and saying something like, "You can love a lot of people, but you only have one person that you love the most." Which Leeard thought undermined everything he said about Hannah when Brennan confessed her love to him. Makes no sense. However, had Ern been watching the episode, she would've seen the look Booth gave Bones, and it would make sense.

Episode Grade: C-

You can tell by our lame recap that nothing worth going on about happened. Meh. Just your run-of-the-mill procedural episode that wasn't even a very interesting case.

Bones - The Bullet in the Brain recap/review

This week on Bones, the death of one Big Bad gave way to a new Big Bad.

The Gravedigger, a former prosecutor, liked to bury people alive, including burying Brennan and Hodgins, and trapping Booth. The manipulative baddie was trying to win an appeal, and she was riding to the courthouse with Sweets. She tried to intimidate Sweets by calling him the weakest part of the group, saying that if he testified it would benefit her. It worked. Sweets was completely wigged out. Ok, she’s scary, but we’re not buying that she is THAT scary. Sweets knows that she is a manipulative creep and, as a smart guy and a shrink, shouldn’t have let her get to him.

As they exited to walk to the courthouse, a sniper blew The Gravedigger’s head off, blasting Sweets with blood and getting chunks of skull and brains all over the ground. Nice. And disgusting. Although, it’s amazing that they can show something that nasty on network, prime time television nowadays.

Hodgins was ecstatic when he heard of The Gravedigger’s fate, and Angela was concerned at his approval of the man who shot her. Booth drew up a suspect list of possible vigilantes who could have made such a difficult shot. Brennan’s father, Max, was on it. Max showed up to prove to Brennan that he didn’t do it, because her opinion was the only opinion that mattered to him. As it turns out, Max could not have made the shot, and he was able to show Brennan and Booth that he wasn’t in town at the time of the shooting.

Sweets was still upset at the memory of The Gravedigger’s words bashing his skills (and the sight of her brain matter on his nice suit). But prosecutor Caroline gave him a lecture that smacked him right back into reality, and in a vulnerable moment, she admitted that she “messed herself” when The Gravedigger got shot in front of her, because she was scared. She asked Sweets not to tell anyone. We respect Caroline so much that we feel bad telling you that she messed herself on this blog. It was a sweet, brave moment where she reached out to Sweets in empathy, throwing away her tough-as-nails image for a moment to help him out. Good character moment.

The Squints and Brennan found out where the sniper was sitting when he shot The Gravedigger, and Booth and Brennan went to that location—an apartment. There was a dead escort in the bathtub, and that image was even nastier than The Gravedigger’s blown-off skull fragments. The escort lived in the apartment and had been warned by the sniper to get lost that day. She didn’t, so she became a casualty.

Booth narrowed the list of suspects down to just a few snipers, and they were all men that he knew, because men so skilled operated in a small circle. The final suspect was a man who shot a suspect despite instructions from his superiors, because he wanted to ensure the safety of a hostage. Booth knew and admired the man, but when the evidence pointed to him, Booth didn’t deny it. He found the man and confronted him, but the sniper got away.

Decent start to the sniper arc, and some good continuity and character development.

Episode grade: B+

Bones - The Body in the Bag recap/review

Bones is back! We know a lot of readers are ecstatic after the mildly long wait. We have mixed feelings about this episode. On the one hand, we liked it. On the other hand, it sort of made us like Hannah, too. We are ducking, because we can feel the rage coming at us. But come on! She was nothing short of “cool” (unrealistically so) Thursday night and handled the Brennan confession of last year swimmingly. And she’s so pretty. We know she won’t be around forever, so it’s starting to feel ok to enjoy her a little while she lasts. Also, the episode totally ruined buying fake purses and scarves in Chinatown, New York City for us. Rude.

The episode opened with a whorish guy walking through a swanky apartment, calling for his lady-love. He realized that the bedroom shower was on, took off his clothes, and got in to try to join his lover. The water was scalding hot and the guy slipped. He fell on the shower floor and came face-to-face with…you guessed it…a body. And a particularly disgusting body, even for Bones. It was a light beige color, and the decomposition was helped by the scalding water, which created little holes in the remains. Ewww.

Cut to our main characters. Sweets was on a gym treadmill. Booth came up and told Sweets that he was feeling bad about keeping Brennan’s love confession from Hannah. Sweets supported Booth’s decision to be honest with his girlfriend, like a good shrink, and he suggested that this was so hard for Booth because he still had feelings for Dr. Brennan (DUH). Booth got annoyed and mashed some buttons on the treadmill, forcing Sweets to run really fast. That’s what you get for being right, Sweets. Hannah was confused and a little saddened by the news. She didn’t know how she was going to act around Brennan, because she was sure that if she didn’t say something, Brennan would sense that there was a secret between friends. One of us has to wonder: would she though? She's been quite obtuse with Angela before. So Hannah dodged Brennan and their plans to hang out until she had a game plan.

The team was called to the nasty shower. Hodgins made the drain spit remains up on Cam, Brennan, and Booth, which was funny and gross. The apartment belonged to a rich girl who dealt in fake purses. The body had been a Chinese girl who sold the rich girl the fake purses. Booth questioned a lot of people: the leader of the fake purse distribution ring in town, the dead girl’s ex, the rich girl’s boyfriend (who was filming her cheating on him with a teddy bear cam in her apartment), and the rich girl herself. Booth and Sweets watched the footage together. (Sweets: “Does this fall under work or porn?” Booth: “There’s an overlap.”) After some technological help from Angela, the Teddy Bear cam revealed that an agent who was investigating the counterfeiters had slept with the dead girl. This marked the first time in a long time that one of us was surprised by a Bones mystery. The mystery was pretty interesting, and who knew that buying fake purses helped really bad people and aided child labor? It does: http://www.stuffdaily.com/how-buying-fake-designer-handbags-can-harm-you-and-impact-on-our-economy/

Dr. Clark Edison helped with the case. You remember the guy who thought it was inappropriate to have drama and personal relationships going on at work? Well, he got a new girlfriend who has convinced him to be less uptight. We saw the friendlier, warmer, more prying version of Edison this week - and we also learned that he used to work for NSA. Awesome. Just for one summer, but that was enough to freak Hodgins out. Angela, still pregnant, was creeped out by the fact that Hodgins lives in his grandfather’s and father’s old house, so Hodgins bought her the rich girl’s nice apartment. While most people would hate that place, because of all the porn and murder and death, Angela was touched. Hodgins and Angela gave themselves an ultrasound and admired their growing child. They are going to be SUCH good and unique parents. And we wish we would get to see the scene where Hodgins explains his Angela Face Tattoo to the kid in a few years.

After hearing from Angela that Hannah is probably avoiding Brennan, Brennan confronted her. Hannah confessed that she knew about Brennan’s confession and that she understood. The two made plans to get drinks and that stuck. Brennan told Hannah that she was going to move on. As they laughed together at the bar (at Brennan calling the bartender “barkeep!” Lame.), they saw a guy looking in their direction. Hannah pointed out that a guy was looking at Brennan. Brennan replied, “I am not surprised. That’s happens a lot. I AM quite beautiful.” While we agree that Brennan’s face is beautiful, we are not so sure that her current haircut doesn’t completely ruin her. So we decided, in real life, that the guy would be checking out Hannah. Turns out, we were half right. The guy was interested in buying both girls drinks. They told the perv to get lost, laughed, and ordered more drinks.

Is there any way to get rid of Hannah without killing her? Because we don’t want there to be a long grieving period on the show before Brennan and Booth can finally get together for good. As one astute reader pointed out, it is going to be tough to have the show try to force us to grieve Hannah for a long, drawn-out period. The show needs to come up with another way to get rid of Hannah.

Episode Grade: B+

Bones - The Doctor in the Photo recap/review with help from Hatts

Turkey dinner at Brennan’s house apparently includes a blow-by-blow analysis of the main course’s final moments in the slaughterhouse. Her guests, the whole squint crew (plus Hannah and Booth), were less-than-charmed by this party trick, but we found it adorable. Fortunately, they were saved from choking down their dinner by a call from Cam.

This week’s murder happened in a bad neighborhood about 11 months ago, and the body was found enmeshed in the roots of a growing tree. The female victim was a very sophisticated heart surgeon whose weight and height matched Brennan's. This might not have been enough to creep Bones out had she not found a dolphin ring identical to her own on the victim’s skeletal hand. The rest of this highly anticipated episode followed Brennan's decent into a delusional obsession over the similarities between her and the dead surgeon.

Brennan spent sleepless nights in the lab trying to solve the murder while listening to the victim’s recorded medical journal entries. But when Lauren (the victim) spoke in Brennan’s head, she spoke in Brennan’s own voice. As the episodes progressed, Brennan conducted imaginary conversations with the voice, because she felt that because of the similarities she shared with Lauren, she knew Lauren enough to do “her side.” Brennan was visited by the night guard (played by the same guy who was Keith Mars). This episode was a treat for Veronica Mars fans, because two V-Mars actors graced this Bones episode. The night guard quoted all the free Smithsonian lectures he attended to steer Bones deeper into her self-reflection. One of us thought this was a nicely written, sweet part for the absolutely loveable night guard. The other blogger thought it was weird and out-of-place.

It turned out that, in order to survive the emotional toll of the death of young patients, Lauren had become emotionally detached. Whenever she was under great emotional strain, yet felt numb, she would engage in dangerous activities “in order to feel something.” Her death was the result of a car accident in a bad neighborhood where Lauren was buying heroine from a drug dealer, just for the thrill of it. There was an airplane pilot who was in love with Lauren, and being closed-off emotionally because she was fragile, she rejected him. Brennan told the pilot that not giving him a chance was Lauren’s biggest regret. It was around this moment that Brennan realized that she had made the same mistake when she didn’t say yes to Booth last year.

DUH. Oh Brennan, if we didn’t love you so much….

Brennan hurried to the neighborhood where the murder occurred and bent down to check out a road reflector that had possibly tripped Lauren. Lost in the task of blindly following her intuition (a first for Brennan), she didn’t notice a car racing toward her in the pouring rain. Fortunately, Booth appeared to pull her out of harm’s way. He said he was “following her into a bad part of town and saving her life, you know, the usual.” On the ride home, Brennan told Booth that turning him down was something she regrets. A pained Booth quietly insisted that he had moved on, Hannah was not a consolation prize, and that Brennan would get over the pain, because he did. Brennan burst into tears, which isn’t common.

If you like the quippy, “git r done” Booth a la season one, he was back in this episode. This Brennan-centric episode had most of the side characters benched. It looks like Hannah is sticking around, so those of you who have grown fond of her despite her DATING BOOTH WHEN HE SHOULD BE WITH BONES are lucky. This episode had a different tone than most episodes, but it was a long time coming. Brennan reflected at the end that, during the time covered in the episode (three days), the world turned upside down. It was a strange one, that’s for sure.

It left us really sad, because Lauren helped us understand Brennan, and they are both pretty tragic figures. Plus, we really want Booth with Brennan. We can’t believe she reached out and then got her heart broken. UGH. We like a Bones episode that pays attention to the Booth/Brennan imminent love relationship though. This was less of a procedural episode, and more of an intrinsic, character-driven episode for longtime watchers of Bones. We think Brennan's realization and admission will, in the long run, propel the two closer toward a relationship, so we are happy, overall. Even so, that was tragic.

Episode grade: B. We missed the humor and side characters.

Bones - The Twisted Bones in the Melted Truck recap/review

This episode opened with the spontaneous combustion of a truck as the sun rose over a field where it was parked. When he got the call, Booth was getting out of bed with Hannah, and they were talking about when she should meet Parker. Hannah was worried because she thinks she’s bad with children. We don’t trust people who are usually bad with kids. It’s a sign. Dump her already, Booth. Booth reassured her, but later on he revealed to Sweets that Parker 'hates' Hannah, in spite of not having met her. We feel the same way, Parker. Sweets tells him not to worry. By the way, if you’re a Sweets fan, this is a fun episode for him. Leeard is, Ern isn’t.

At the crime scene, Bones and Booth found a skeleton 'melted' to the dashboard of the car. Since melting is not something that bones can usually do, all the squints were intrigued. Back at the lab, Daisy worried about a psych evaluation that she had to pass in order the get higher clearance. This makes sense, because Daisy is a looney tune. She seduced Sweets into helping her in some very cutesie scenes. The couple is apparently very much together again. Daisy also assisted Hodgins in one of his infamous experiments. This one, unfortunately, resulted in a minor gunshot wound for him....Still, we love Hodgins’ experiments.

It turned out that the truck had magnesium scraps in it, which the heat from the sunrise caused to burst into flame. This burned the skeleton at a heat high enough to cause the bones to appear melted. Booth and Brennan visited the victim’s wife at a high school where she worked. While Booth interrogated her, Brennan went into the class room to question a suspicious looking student. The student was sleeping with his teacher, the victim’s wife. To make a long and very typical Bones story short, the kid’s ex-girlfriend, who Brennan meets in detention, was the killer. We suppose the fun of the Bones formula is guessing which minor character did it, but its wasn't too hard this week. But what is with the teacher/student relationships in our shows this fall?

Parker and Hannah's meeting went swimmingly once Hannah told Booth to get lost and leave her alone with Parker. When Booth reported this back to Brennan, her congratulations where mixed with some not-too-subtle jealousy. We spent the entire Parker-Hannah scene wanting Parker to tell her that he wanted his dad to be with Brennan. That would have been fantastic for the fans, and it would have thrown a wrench into this boring relationship. It would have been so cute if Parker could see what we see watching these people every week. Alas, the episode ended with Booth, Parker, Brennan, and Hannah at dinner together. Parker declared his affection for both Hannah and Brennan. Brennan invited them all to her house with a smile that quickly melted into a frown as she watched Booth holding Hannah’s hand. Well, we like where THAT is going.

Now that the Bones writers have put off teasing us with sexual tension, they've taken up teasing us with Brennen tension. When will she realize that she's in love with him? Has she already? Is she just too afraid of abandonment after her past? Does she think it’s too late since she stomped on Booth’s heart last season? We guess we will have to take what we can get, as usual with this show. We have high hopes for next week’s episode, which is rumored to be a psychologically probing Brennan-centric episode. Whatever realizations Brennan comes to about herself, they need to push her more closely toward Booth, stat.

It really has been too long. It's past the point of annoying.

Episode grade: B

Bones - The Babe in the Bar recap/review

We guess this was the week for comeback guest stars because in addition to HRG from Heroes being on The Office, Seinfeld’s Newman was on Bones this week. An absolutely disgusting body was found inside the 'world’s largest chocolate bar' that Newman's company had made. The body was an employee who had faked her resume. When they found out how many other professions she had faked, we thought they were going to do a Catch Me if You Can type of thing, which would have been much more interesting. It turned out that she was a corporate spy and had been pushed into the chocolate bar by the homely head chef whose secrets she had stolen. We love chocolate so much, we were able to consume and enjoy a chocolate bar after watching this episode.

The writers kept dropping lots of reminders that Booth is still in love (lust) with Hannah, who was off traveling with the president. There was a funny joke about Booth’s use of the term “Wowsa.” Brennan explained that this was a 19th century term meant to indicate sexual response and continued to tease him mercilessly for the remainder of the episode. We’ve been missing the flirting and banter between Brennan and Booth. It has been greatly reduced by the existence of Hannah. But this was pretty funny. Still, bring back the sexual tension, show.

There was a lot of action for the side characters. Cam was helping her daughter fill out college applications, but the girl wanted to go to a Maine state school (Central Maine State University) with her boyfriend. Cam was horrified but Sweets convinced her to let it go....well, for about a second. Cam filled out applications to other schools behind her daughter’s back. One of us agrees with Sweets. When your kids go off to college, it’s time to make them make those mistakes and their own life choices. That’s how you learn. However, the other agrees with Cam. If Michelle wanted to go to CMSU for ANY reason other than her boyfriend, we'd be supportive. This boy is not a good enough justification to make this big of a decision. Angela and Hodgins decided to reveal Angela's pregnancy, but everyone already knew about it. Angela's effort to get everyone to fake surprise at the announcement bombed due to a horrible performance by the whole squint squad. Very cute.

Episode Grade: B-

Bones - The Shallow in the Deep recap/review

This episode failed to grab our attention, for the most part. It was a tad forgettable, although not bad. We feel like, at this point, it’s hard to tolerate a Bones episode that is just a run-of-the-mill chapter in the book of procedurals. We are ready to push Brennan and Booth closer or have some sort of big development shaping them as people. There was a lot of Sweets in this episode, if you like that. We liked the lack of Hannah, but we sort of want her around just so that her story arc can play out, we can see what the writers are doing with it, and we can get her off the show as soon as possible. We’re starting to think that the show just needs to end soon. Get Booth and Brennan together, have a season of their love, and then end it. This show is getting repetitive. Can the sniper show up soon?

At the start of the episode, Booth was feeling physically achy. Brennan told him that he was just getting older and that his body was starting to crumble from all the abuse it has taken. She started listing off all the things that have happened to him as Booth started walking faster and rolling his eyes. But it got to him. "How is it I went to sleep Han Solo and I woke up Obi-Wan Kenobi?" he asked Sweets. It didn’t help that the current case involved cougars (women who like younger men).

An old slave ship was found and taken to the Jeffersonian. Hodgins had fun investigating some pink slime on a skeleton that turned out to be a recent murder victim. The victim was a 19-year-old former foster kid who had frequented a cruise for young guys and cougars.

Booth and Brennan walked in on Sweets having sex on the coach with Daisy. One of the bloggers hates both Daisy and Sweets. Daisy is Brennan with no good qualities and no tortured past. Sweets’ lips are just too big. One of us KNOWS this is no reason to hate a whole character, and yet, it bothers her.

Angela and Cam paid their respects to the victims of the slave ship by sketching them and memorializing them in an exhibit.

Episode grade: C

It’s up on hulu.

Bones - The Bones that Weren't recap / review

Bones returned Thursday after a half-month hiatus. What’s up with that? (Answer: Baseball. Duh) Also: Look show, this Hannah thing was a nice little gimmick to pull us back for a new season and make us crazy, but it’s time for it to stop. Kill her. Kill her dead. We won’t be satisfied with some lame breakup. We want her Gormagon-ed or sniped or something. The beginning of this episode gave us full-on shots of Booth kissing Hannah goodbye, and we nearly lost our lunch. We know they are together, but do we really have to see it? It was grosser than that HPV/tree guy on Grey’s Anatomy. We just don’t see how she adds to the show. Brennan already has a best friend in Angela. If this is going to be the characters’ main interpersonal arc, it had better pay off.

The case of the week: A skateboarder found a skull buried in cement, yelled, and ran away. Ok, what’s with the running away from a skull? Most people would scope it out a little or just back away. It’s a SKULL. The murderer is long gone. Seriously. We understand when it’s an episode of Bones where the body is covered in decomposing flesh. Yeah, then you can scream and run away. But most people would think the skull was fake or prehistoric or something. They might call the cops, but run away screaming? Naw. Not unless they were sissies. Wait. He was a skateboarder. Never mind.

The victim’s skeleton had mostly decomposed due to some bone-eating fungus, but the gang was able to find a tattoo of a dancer on one of his teeth. Angela also reconstructed what the skeleton should have looked like if it were a full one, and Vasiri ascertained that the victim was a ballet dancer. Yeah, Mr. Vaziri has returned to the lab. Is it just me, or is that guy seriously hot? Lab assistants don’t look like that, but we aren’t complaining too hard about this show’s lack of realism in this department. Booth and Brennan located the guy’s old ballet studio based on these two pieces of information. The ballet studio’s instructor was a cute little female dancer who walked with a crutch because the victim had dropped her during a life, ruining her career. She was hilarious and full of rage, glad the victim was dead, and tried to attack Brennan for calling her heavy (for a ballerina of course). Because Booth suspected her right away, we knew she wasn’t the murdered. The Bones formula: Everyone under suspicion in the first 30 minutes of a Bones episode is innocent. The person they talk to, see, or notice who doesn’t fall under suspicion or get much screen time is the person who did it. If you didn’t know, now you know.

Hodgins found bronze in the victim’s body and found out where the bone-eating fungus was located: Kalorama Park. This was a place with a plethora of street performers. Magicians, singers, musicians, dancers, Shakespeare impersonators, and pickpockets. Except for the pickpockets, this blogger wishes she had a park in her area with a bunch of weird hippies performing. It sounds like a nice day at the park. Get a hot dog, watch the hippies. Nice. At the park, Booth suspected a rival dancer (TWITCH!), clearly missing the blonde hippie girl with the guitar. This is when we thought, “Ahh, it’s her.” Then they found evidence that the victim was stabbed with a sharpened screwdriver, and the gang also found a handprint that pointed to a female. Booth watch the body language of the two female suspects (Angry Dancer and Hippie), and he realized that it was the hippie. The hippie and the victim were robbing people in the park and the victim was about to betray the hippie, so she killed him. Case solved. Maybe this blogger doesn’t want a park full of street performers. In the words of the great sage Eric Cartman: Hippies. They're everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.

Hannah was investigating a dirty cop for a story and got shot in the leg, presumably by the dirty cop or one of his accomplices. Brennan figured out that although Hannah’s leg wound looked harmless, without surgery it could sever her femoral artery and kill her. Of course, Brennan informed Hannah and the doctors, saving Hannah’s life. Sigh. Stupid Brennan, knowing and catching everything.

This episode had a sweet tone, and we liked watching the rival dancer get down in the street. We just love watching people dance (which is why we'll be covering So You Think You Can Dance when it returns). We liked Brennan's fascination over him too. This was a forgettable, but enjoyable episode of Bones.

Episode grade: B-

Plots We Hate

TV Plots we want to omit

Beef: Sometimes, you are watching a TV show, and it’s going well, when all of the sudden if completely jumps the shark with one stupid, outlandish, or just plain boring plotline. It has happened to the best shows. Here are a few plotlines that make us want smack the writers.

Friday Night Lights, the season two murder - Friday Night Light’s is a certain kind of show. It involves small town and family politics, high school issues, marriage, and sports. It should not involve murder. That was stupid.

Grey’s Anatomy, George cheats on his hot wife with Izzie, “Gizzie” officially happens, and then they just fizzle - Did ANYONE like this plotline? This was worse than Dead Denny (and we hated that too), because that at least had a good explanation later on, unlike this. It just made no sense. It ruined both characters involved, and it was one of the things that made the George actor want to leave the show. He signed onto Grey’s hoping to play the nice guy, but the writers did things with the character that came out of left-field, namely, this. The actor didn’t understand or believe in the character anymore after this, and neither did we. (Note: We will actually defend the ferryboat accident episodes where Meredith died, if anyone asks us to. Sure, they had a dumb, supernatural element to them on a non-supernatural show, but we enjoyed many parts of those episodes.)

24, Kim goes on some random adventures in season two and wastes everyone’s lives - Even though one of us loves this show, it’s hard to pick just one stupid moment from it. There have been countless lists and articles written about its unrealistic plots and pointless deaths. But we have to go with the season 2 Kim Bauer tangents. Kim Bauer is an idiot. No one liked Kim Bauer. So naturally, the writers spent a third of season two on her getting into trouble. Her kidnapping a kid, fighting off an abusive employee, getting a guy shot, getting caught in a trap for a wild animal, getting taken underground by a paranoid creeper, and escaping police custody all coincidently happen on Jack’s Bauer’s busiest day. First of all, yeah right. Second of all, stop wasting our time, show.

Flashforward, Everything after the pilot - In light of this week’s poll, we just have to mention what a dull, pointless waste of time this show was. Way to waste a good premise.

Alias, Vaughn gets shot like a million times by a machine gun, leaves the show, but then is suddenly alive again - One of us loved when Vaughn died, because she was never a fan of him. The other loved Vaughn, but was annoyed at how he was treated in the final season. First of all, it was completely unbelievable that he survived. The end of Alias was a tacked-on, nonsensical fail too. We waded through four years of mythology (and lame Dixon) for THAT? Sydney’s mom was the Big Bad? But we kind of liked her. UGHH. Ok, we have to mention two other things we hated in that show. 1) Sydney’s half-sister. Useless. 2) The genetic goo that changed people into other people. We couldn’t even try to believe that was possible. Jack Bristow was the best thing about that show. Sydney was ok too.

Arrested Development, the whole weird British/Rita thing - We cringed at Charlize Theron’s mentally retarded character, Rita, through most of her stint on this show. For the most part, we enjoyed AD’s frenetic, silly third season. Because the show knew it was getting cancelled, it could be as crazy as it wanted. But we didn’t laugh during the Rita thing until the last episode where Michael almost married her. That was pretty funny, but it didn’t make up for the fact that the show made us think it had become something other than the show we loved by spending so much time on the weird British Rita stuff.

Bones, Zach is Gormagon’s assistant - We miss Zach. That made no sense. We will always miss Zach. The only things on Bones that we hated more than this plotline are Hannah and that one (nearly unwatchable) dream-sequence finale.

True Blood, nearly the entire third season- What WAS that? Ugh. Get it together next season, please.

The Vampire Diaries - Nothing. The show is flawless.

Sex and the City, Carrie dates Berger - Did anyone like that guy? The only redeeming thing about that was the post-it breakup episode. Second place: Samantha’s foray into lesbianism. It was offensive to lesbians to watch Samantha try this, Samantha is straight, her girlfriend was creepy, and it just wasn’t funny.

Dexter, Lila and what happened to Doakes - Doakes was a pain, but we respected him. What happened to him was completely unfair and just plain sad. Also, Lila was too crazy for us, and we can’t believe Dexter spent so much time with her.

LOST, Jack, Kate, and Sawyer spend way too much time captured by The Others - Way to slow this show down. We get that they had to, because the writers didn’t know how long they had to stretch out the show, and they needed an end date. Also, it helped the show save money, since they were over budget. But the slow start to season three lost the show a lot of viewers.

Friends, any major love plotline with Joey, especially the Rachel hookup - Joey was never going to have a serious relationship. All the girls he dates were so temporary and none fit. It was cute when he was helping Rachel with baby Emma, but it was oddly weird when he started liking Rachel. We think it’s because Joey was such an emotional and mental infant. He is sweet, but he should never have a relationship. It’s just awkward to make us watch him try.

Glee, Will’s love life - What a disaster. Why isn’t he with Emma now? We feel like the show changes the reason every time it’s brought up. This is an example of a show annoying us by purposefully dragging something out. His wife faked a pregnancy too, and no one liked that. Dishonorable mention: Jesse St. James dumping Rachel so abruptly and hatefully. He had no reason to hate her that much. It was out of nowhere, and we never got closure on that surprisingly engaging relationship.

Gilmore Girls, Luke’s daughter - This girl broke up Luke and Lorelai and was the source of the most useless Gilmore Girls plots. Lorelai got with Christopher (WRONG) and Luke bummed around in a custody battle, and the whole thing just wasted our lives in the last two seasons. If April had never shown up, the show would have been much stronger for it.

Joan of Arcadia, Adam cheats on Joan with Bonnie - Adam spent the entire first season pining after Joan, and when they finally get together, he cheats on her? Because Joan wouldn't have sex with him? Stupid and (though probably realistic) not what we had come to expect from the otherwise amazing Adam Rove.

Any plots you hate? Tell it to the comments.

15 Couples We Say Belong Together

So the usually good site, Entertainment Weekly, made a list of “Couples that are meant to be,” and we didn’t like it. For example, they had Hannah and Booth as their example of a meant-to-be couple. We know they were just trying to shake us up, but this suggestion is so wrong.

Here is the offending list (with our commentary):
9 TV Couples We Say Belong Together (What kind of a number is NINE? That’s not very round, is it?)
1. Don and Faye, Mad Men - Fine. That’s fine. Mostly because we don’t care about Mad Men.
2. Seeley Booth and Hannah Burley, Bones - This is just. No. Just no.
3. Michael Scott and Holly Flax, The Office - Fair enough, but kind of a “duh” thing.
4. Liz Lemon and Wesley Snipes, 30 Rock - Carol is better.
5. Jeff Winger and Britta Perry, Community - We don’t think ANYONE on that show belongs with another person in the study group. That’s what makes it such a great study group. Sure, they hook up and tease us with the possibilities. But at the end of the day, this group is “friends first,” and that’s how we like it. The show just can’t pull off a cute romance. It will always come across as sleazy. The show is funny, not romantic.
6. Stefan and Elena, The Vampire Diaries - They can’t stay faithful to each other through the whole show, or we will never get to see the hook up just about every fan wants.
7. Tina and Artie, Glee - Tina can do better, they weren’t that satisfying together, and a big Who Cares?
8. Serena and Dan, Gossip Girl - Sure, but they are stepsiblings and not the couple we watch the show to see.
9. Mark and Lexie, Grey’s Anatomy - Believe it or not, a lot of people think this is creepy and that they don’t actually work together. Mark needs an older, confident woman, like Addison, and Lexie needs a sweeter, younger guy.

Ok, maybe that list wasn’t as bad as we thought at first glance, but we still thought they left out some good couples. So we’ve made our own list. We’ve also included couples on shows that are over.

15 TV Couples
1. Jack Bauer and Audrey Raines, 24 - The ending of 24’s worst season (six) had to be one of the most depressing things we’ve ever seen. Audrey went all the way to China to save Jack Bauer, only to end up a zombie/vegetable. Jack Bauer has never had the best women for his lifestyle. Let’s face it, Terri was not a strong woman, Kate was a little blonde stick who at least tried, and his season 3 Senorita died too soon. She was cool though. Renee was also good, but she’s dead too. Some of you will cry for Chloe, but even though the actress played her as if she loved Jack Bauer, we think it’s better for Chloe to stay with her husband. This leaves Audrey, who was lame in season four but really stepped it up later. They deserve their happy ending, because they really loved each other. Hopefully they see that in the movie and at least give us some resolution on her character.

2. Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock - We KNOW it would be cliché. We KNOW Tina Fey has said that the series won’t end with Jack and Liz “doing it.” But can’t they just get together without sex? Have the sex happen in the future, off screen? Can they at least do it once, regret it, gag, shudder, and move on? Come on Tina Fey, it would be fun. And hilarious.

3. Booth and Bones, Bones - DUH. Who cares if Hannah is “perfect”? These two characters carried this show for all these years. Their characters are well-defined and irreplaceable. We’ve watched them flirt, support each other, fight, work together, avoid each other, and grow together. If they don’t end up together before the end of the series, we may lose faith in TV altogether. It has been way too long as it is.

4. Mal and Inara, Firefly - We are ok that we didn’t see this couple hook up. Once they did, we don’t know what the show would have done with the characters, plus, THAT might have been too cliché. It just wasn’t their time yet, even by the end of the movie. But we know that they ended up together. Inara stayed in the ship, and the writers left it with a smile and a glimmer of hope.

5. Rory and Jess, Gilmore Girls - Jess was perfect for Rory. He just had issues, ran out on her, and needed to grow up. Later in the series, we saw signs of Jess getting his life together by writing a book and getting into small business. We like to think that, ten years later, Rory and Jess find each other again, marry, and have many babies.

6. Puck and Rachel, Glee - Don’t get us wrong, Finn and Rachel are cute, but the Puckelberry romance was way too brief. We don’t want Puck with Quinn after seeing her chemistry with Sam. Wowser. And we don’t want Puck alone. Rachel needs a bad boy, and she’s the only girl on the show who could both handle and potentially soften Puck. Dear Rachel, Finn is going to end up mowing lawns for the rest of his life, and he’s not smart enough for you. Go for a fellow hot Jew.

7. Chuck and Blair, Gossip Girl - Another “duh.” These two are the heart of the show. Period. They will end up together.

8. Robin and Barney, How I Met Your Mother - There comes a time in almost every man’s life when they realize that one-night stands with women they will never see again leave them lonely and disconnected. What a guy really needs is a girl who won’t bore him because she’s just plain fun to be around. Robin is cool, pretty, smart, and someone Barney actually cares about. It’s not their time yet, but we hope that Barney sees how much fun it would be to hang out with Robin forever.

9. Alicia and Someone Else, The Good Wife -Neither her husband nor Will are good enough or hot enough for her. Alicia is gorgeous and classy. They need to bring on a guy who fits. Although, it would be extremely interesting to pair her with Eli Gold, at least for a time. It would be unpredictable, no? And it would bring the drama.

10. Dwight and Angela, The Office - These two were able to keep a secret, stable relationship for years. No one else is going to tolerate either of these two forever. Besides, Dwight needs five German boys to turn into mini, weird Dwights. We are sure he has screened Angela’s health records by now.

11. Richard and Kahlan, Legend of the Seeker - Apparently, after the series finale, they can now be together. This is good, because whether it’s the books or the TV series, these two won’t settle for anyone else. These are the only two on the list who aren't currently together. A requirement to get on this list is to not be a couple that is currently together. This is our exception, because, hey, it's our list.

12.Smith and Samantha, Sex and the City - The series finale ended everything perfectly, leaving us sure that each of the girls was with “The One.” Then the movie had to go and royn it. Also, for the record, Steve would never do that to Miranda!!! Ugh.

13. Matt and Caroline, The Vampire Diaries - After Caroline sacrificed her relationship with Matt to protect him, we knew it was true love. We never thought she was worthy of Matt, but we rooted for the relationship anyway. Now that’s she’s awesome, we are even more into this couple.

14. Sookie and Eric, True Blood - Sookie isn’t the quiet Southern belle Bill obviously needs. She’s the sex-loving, optimistic, non-human, spitfire Eric clearly needs.

15. Andy and Nancy, Weeds - We don’t want this one to happen until the end, but it clearly needs to happen. Andy stuck with this crazy family through all their crime and killing, so he deserves to get the girl. Plus, he’s a fun guy. Who doesn’t want to be with the fun guy?

We know there are some we missed, because no list is perfect. So let us know if we did!

Other Thursday grades

Community: A-. This show is always funny these days, but this one was poignant too. Love that show.

Fringe: C+. The end was really good. The only significant things in the episode were that we found out that Walternate needs Olivia to cross over into the other world easily. Also, Olivia is starting to have visions of people she knew from our world, and these are telling her that she doesn't belong in the alternative universe. The whole episode focused on Olivia catching a criminal in the alternatice universe while she dealt with feeling weird.

Bones: B. While one of is obsessed with Jersey Shore, it was kind of a weird episode. And seeing those jumping maggots didn't help at all. The case of the week was pretty interesting though, and not as predictable as they usually are. We do NOT like Booth's girlfriend moving in with him. He is ours and we will share him with Bones and that's IT.

Sorry for the flagrant laziness. It's a busy weekend :)

Checking in on Bones

Two episodes into the new season of Bones, both bloggers are fighting annoyance with the show. While Leeard has watched its show since its inception, and will probably watch it until it’s cancelled, she is not enjoying the season so far. Ern swore to give it up once last season ended with Booth and Bones STILL not together. How long can they drag this out? It’s so unrealistic. They would have at least boned by now (tee hee Bones. Boning. Ok, we’re five years old). But Ern tuned into these episodes on hulu in the hopes of seeing Booth’s girlfriend, the source of Leeard’s ire. Leeard hates this woman (Hannah), because no one (NO ONE) should take Booth away from Bones. This is one of the few shows in which the central pairing is actually integral to the bloggers’ enjoyment of the show.

We thought the premiere was really cute, because it celebrated the entire crew, had a decent crime mystery, and featured Bones at her most literal and geeky best, which is always hilarious. We love that Angela is pregnant, and we can remember a time when we wanted Angela and Hodgins together almost as much as we wanted Bones and Booth together. The second episode was entertaining enough, but in both episodes, the bad guy was easy to catch. But this is Bones, after all. Bones has a formula for each episode, and once you figure it out, you will always catch the baddie before Booth does.

The girlfriend is a complete failure for this show. The show’s writers informed us via spoilers that the Hannah/Bones/Booth triangle will NOT be a jealous triangle. In fact, what will complicate matters is that Hanna and Bones are going to become friends.

WHY?

Why not give us what we want? At this point, we would love to hate Booth’s pretty new girlfriend. It would be much more fun if this woman was kind of a jerk but Booth was too blinded to see it. We want to hate her, so why do they have to try to make her cool? Why don't they just give us what we want? So we have found something to hate about her no matter how cool the writers try to make her: her voice. She sounds like she’s fighting a cold that she got at her sorority…in Spain. We hear a slight hint of a Spanish accent even though this woman is not Spanish. It might be a Ukrainian accent, since the actress is fluent in Ukranian, but we doubt it. Whatever the accent, she sounds immature and like she’s trying to be sexy. Other than that, actress Katheryn Winnick is sort of cool. She has a third degree black belt in tae kwon do, a second degree black belt in karate, and is a licensed bodyguard. She also got kicked out of summer camp for reckless behavior when she was 14, and her brother is fighting in Afghanistan.

We want to hate her character, and we will succeed. But props to the actress for being awesome.

TV's Most Dateable Guys Part 1

A list for the ladies....
· Seeley Booth, Bones – He … We just … Yes. This man is everything.

· Smith Jerrod, Sex and the City—How great was this guy with Samantha? She cheats, he understands and takes her back. He sends her flowers, holds her hand, is super hot, doesn’t drink, and sticks by her through cancer (and shaves his head, making him look even hotter). Then she gave him up so she could spend more time focusing on herself. Ummm, we will focus on you forever Smith.

· Neal Caffrey, White Collar – There is nothing about Neal Caffrey that isn’t perfect. He’s charming, works with the FBI, knows his art, and is ridiculously attractive. As long as you can accept that pesky tracking anklet, he’s 100% dateable.

· Desmond Hume, LOST—Sawyer can be unstable, and unless you’re Juliet, he’s not gonna commit. Jack was hot, but he cried too much. Daniel looks like a hobbit (and science drove him crazy). Jin was controlling. Charlie was annoying. Who does that leave on LOST? Desmond, who looked awful nice in season 5 when he went to Oxford looking for Daniel in his scarf.

· Shawn Spencer, Psych – Can drop the most obscure, amazing reference whenever appropriate. Even if he weren’t cute, which he is, that would be enough.

· Jim Halpert, The Office—This is the "duh" choice of this list. We are pretty sure every female Office fan ever has said, "I would date Jim Halpert."If he weren’t so great with Pam, we'd want him with one of us. He’s funny, laid back, and loyal.

· Lane Elenburg, Big Brother – He’s amazing. Easily the most attractive and amusing (male) houseguest this season, and he genuinely seems like a good person. And hey, he might be $500,000 richer in a few days…

· Jon Stewart, The Daily Show—Witty, self-deprecating, and spewing more truthful takes on what’s going on than most news stations. And we don't discriminate against older hotties. This guy is married, but if he was not, we would date him. One of the bloggers' moms has said multiple times that this is the sort of man the blogger should end up with. We could argue with him all day… (the writers are a tad more conservative than Mr. Stewart.)

· Chuck Bartowski, Chuck – Super adorkable and very reminiscent of The O.C.’s Seth Cohen … If Seth had been a spy.

· Albie Manzo, The Real Housewives of New Jersey – We would honestly marry this man. Caroline Manzo, if you’re reading this, one of the bloggers is a well-educated, (part) Italian who would be an awesome daughter-in-law. Just thought we'd put it out there.

· Finn Hudson, Glee – Not the smartest guy on this list, but very sweet and generally means well. Definitely dateable.

· Damon Young, Make it or Break it – A cute, passionate rock star who supports his girlfriend? Yes please.

Characters Most in Need of Being Killed in a Horrible Fashion

Here is our list of characters that should be killed off their show. Whether it’s because we hate them or because they’re just plain useless, our TV screens would be a lot better off without having to show these characters:

• Aunt Jenna, The Vampire Diaries – Katherine is in the kitchen, chopping Uncle John’s fingers off, and you don’t notice? Horrible, useless guardian.
• Lauren Tanner, Make it or Break it – Honestly the worst human being on TV right now. I get that she IS the drama for the show, and therefore necessary, I really do. But when you’re HAPPY that a 16 year old girl’s mother died (because the girl kind of deserves that kind of misery)? Lauren Tanner needs to go.
• Henry and Alice, The Secret Life of the American Teenager – These two serve no purpose, except to tell the audience statistics about teen sex/pregnancy. A pop-up bubble would do the job just as well. Maybe even better.
• Mona, Pretty Little Liars – She’s mean to Lucas. She can go die.
• Everyone except Baze (and maybe Ryan), Life Unexpected – Baze is the only reason I’m going to watch this show in the fall. Lux is a whiny, ungrateful child, and Kate is a teenager living in a grown woman’s body. They are both bad people; Baze is too, but at least he can own up to it sometimes. Baze and Ryan both deserve better.
• Booth’s love interest, Bones – Stop it. Just let them be together already. After five seasons of will they/won’t they, we’re all sick of it. Give the audience two years of Booth and Bones being happy together and then end the show.
• Kate, White Collar – Oh wait, they did kill her off! Thank goodness!
• Derek, Grey’s Anatomy – I know many people would scream over this, but it the idea of Derek dying has its merits. What a whiner! And you can’t say it hasn’t been foreshadowed (premiere of season 5). And with most of our star players coupled up, it would free up the center of the show, Meredith Grey, to get back into the game. She took a back seat last season. Grey’s Anatomy was at its best before she was tied down. Bring back the drama.
• Vanessa, Gossip Girl – Time spent on Vanessa is wasted. We have a more interesting “nice girl,” Serena.
• Lily, How I Met Your Mother – No one should really die on this show. That’s not its tone. But if we were to pick a main character to snuff it, it would be her. Sometimes she is weird and sometimes she is a spoiled brat. The others are easier to describe. Her characterization is weak. And since they got rid of her cute red hair after season one, she looks fake.
• Artie, Glee – He’s boring. Well, maybe HE isn't boring, but his episodes and stories are. Every episode with him as a focus is a bummer. Plus, they give him lame songs. We can't even tell if he can sing.
• Kenny, South Park – Why did they stop killing him? That was a great gag. I miss it.

We’re not doing any reality shows because, well, that would be mean.