The Lying Game- Season One First Half and Midseason/Fall Finale

We are a little disappointed with the finale. Highlights include Annie showing up in Phoenix (we only get a glimpse of her though), Sutton crashing her car into a lake (even though we know she’s not going to die), Ethan telling Emma he loves her, and the twins having a fight. Most of the episode was spent hinting and taunting us. A finale is supposed to give some catharsis and closure. Emma almost coming clean to everyone about ten times nearly killed us. We thought the show’s penultimate episode was stronger than the fall finale.

Overall, we liked this season and show though, and we will be tuning in the next time the show airs. We liked Alexandra Chando’s acting. We can tell the difference between Emma and Sutton. We weren’t digging the Ethan character, first, but now we like him. We aren’t too interested in Sutton’s interchangeable, boring best friends, and we think the show needs stronger teen guy characters. But Sutton’s sister, Laurel, and her perceptive boyfriend make up for that a little bit.

In the last few episodes, Emma’s life in Vegas was fleshed out a little more. We liked seeing Emma be nice to the people in Sutton’s life, but we liked watching Sutton stand up to Emma’s foster mom even more. Having Sutton’s end of things become just as interesting as Emma’s half of the story these last few episodes was a real plus. This is something Ringer hasn’t yet done. If you have two twins lying and swapping, both storylines should be good. We also enjoyed meeting Emma’s best friend, Lexie.

As nice as a twin showdown is, and even though we mentioned liking twins at odds, we are ready for Emma and Sutton to make nice. Sutton is being irrational. Emma didn’t steal her life. Emma just stole Sutton’s boyfriend, and she wasn’t treating him nicely anyway. Our wish is that the Annie mystery is solved in the next half of the season and that the twins start being real sisters. We also want a guy who can handle Sutton for her to fall for. We actually like Sutton. She has balls.

Season One, Half One Grade- B

Finale Grade: B-

So Much Potential, Money, and Talent. Why Did This Have to Be a Kids' Show?

Terra Nova - “The Runaway”

A girl of about ten years runs away from the Sixers camp and is picked up by Terra Nova residents. Her name is Leah, and she has horrible hair. Finally Maddy Shannon gets her to brush it, but it’s rough going for a while. Leah is no fan of Taylor’s, calling him “the bad man.” The Shannons temporarily adopt the child. Soon, Mira and some Sixers arrived with captured Terra Nova soldiers in tow. The Sixers offer their prisoners in exchange for Leah, and Taylor says that Leah is free to go if she wants to go. Jim brings Leah out to talk with Mira. Leah tells Mira that she is going to stay in Terra Nova.

It turns out that all this is just a ruse. Leah was sent by Mira into Terra Nova to get a container from Mira’s former house. Leah is caught before she can escape with the box. Leah tells Jim Shannon that Mira has her little brother, and that she had to become a mole to save him. Against Taylor’s orders, Jim went out to try to save the little boy. He falls into a Sixer trap, is almost eaten by a dinosaur, and is taken to Mira by passing Sixers. Mira tells Jim that she wasn’t going to hurt the boy; she only wanted to encourage Leah to bring her the container she wanted. She also tells Jim that powerful people back in 2149 aren’t too into Taylor.

If Mira can get rid of Taylor, those powerful people will reunite her with her four-year-old daughter who is still living in the future. Mira advises Jim to be on her side, for the sake of his family. Mira lets Jim go, along with Leah’s little brother. Jim returns and does not share the info he got from Mira with Taylor. It looks like Jim is keeping his options open until he has all the information. That’s the smartest thing he’s done so far.

Leah is reunited with her brother, and she hugs Jim in gratitude. A widow in Terra Nova adopts both children. In teen love news, Josh isn’t featured a whole lot in this one, but Mark finally asks Maddy if he can date her. Maddy tries to apprentice under her mother to study medicine, but blood and guts make her sick (one of us is completely the same way), so that’s not going to work.

This show is really lame, but with The Lying Game gone now, what else do we really have to watch on a Monday nigh? We are NOT forgiving Gossip Girl for the last two seasons, so don’t even suggest that we take it up again. We will watch that when it’s on DVD later. It’s lost “real time” status. Terra Nova is just too sweet for us. It’s like it’s aimed at an 11-year-old girl who likes a little action. This is a kids’ show. We’re still sticking with it for the duration of the season. We like that this episode focused on the Sixers and some overarching mystery. At least this one was better than the Dinobird episode, right?

Episode grade: B-

Cut Loose

We don’t really see the need for remakes. Usually, the original is better (or at least more ingrained in pop culture). Footloose is definitely an unnecessary remake, but we liked it anyway.

The story is pretty much the same; if you’ve seen the original, you know what’s going to happen in this version as well. The dance moves are updated, of course, but it’s the same plot. Kenny Wormald is definitely a better dancer than Kevin Bacon (well, Kevin Bacon’s stand-in), so that was a plus. Also, the new Willard (though a UGA fan) is more entertaining than the older version’s. The only big change from the original that we noticed is Ren’s mother’s death being the impetus for his move.

When people hire dancers instead of actors, we expect the acting to be subpar and the dancing to be really good, which is pretty much what happened here. We like Julianne Hough as both a person and a dancer, but she’s not the best actress. Honestly though, if you’re going to see Footloose, you probably aren’t expecting Oscar-worthy acting.

One recommendation: see the movie with someone, preferably someone who likes to have fun. This blogger saw it with a friend and it was one of the better movie-going experiences she can remember. They danced in the aisles and sang along with a bunch of the songs. Another recommendation: see the movie at an obscure time, so you’re able to do both of those things.

Movie grade: B

Sam is in talks to come back on Glee!

http://www.tvline.com/2011/10/glee-chord-overstreet-to-return/

Peter Is Back!

Friday Shows

Nikita - “Partners”
Nikita’s old Division partner, Kelly, escaped from a Turkish prison. Nikita thought Kelly was dead and blamed herself, because Kelly was arrested during the same mission that Nikita used to escape Division. Nikita convinces Michael to go to Turkey and help Kelly. Meanwhile, Amanda sends Alex and the guy who melts people in chemicals to kill Kelly. Kelly turns out to be working for Gogol and seeks to capture Alex for them. Nikita has to shoot Kelly, and Alex sees Nikita protecting her. Kelly was played by Katheryn Winnick (Hannah in Bones), and we still hate her because of Bones. We are glad she died quickly on Nikita. This was an average episode of Nikita. Nothing too gripping here, but Gogol did find out Alex’s identity.

Episode grade: C+

Fringe - “Subject 9”
Some blue force stalks and burns Olivia, and Walter surmises that it has to do with his experiments on kids in the past. Olivia and Walter go looking for “Subject 9,” one of the kids. It turns out that he isn’t doing it, but this escapade does get Walt out of the lab. He needed to convince Olivia not to recommend that he be hospitalized. It was really sweet when we saw that Olivia advised against Walter’s commitment, even as the heartless, Peterless version of herself that we are seeing this season. Olivia uses her powers to bring Peter fully back into this world. However, Olivia and Walter have no memory of him, and Peter seems to remember everything. Do we get to see Olivia fall in love with him all over again? Actually, we smell a triangle with Lee. The Walter stuff in this episode was great, and so was the ending. The case of the week and the rest of the stuff was weak.

Episode grade: B-

A Gifted Man - “In Case of Separation Anxiety”
Michael treats a patient who is hearing voices and gets Shaman Anton’s help. Dr. Kate starts at the clinic on the day when a car accidentally crashes into it. Michael’s sister is back. We guess she didn’t quit the show. This episode emphasized the ghostiness/spiritual more than the medical, and we liked that. We’d like to see this get a full season pickup, because we think more time and an ability to make a large story arc is what this show needs.

Episode grade: B

Sunday Shows

Dexter - “Smokey and the Bandit”
When a prostitute is murdered and left with half a tooth, Dexter recognizes signs of an old serial killer from the ‘80s that Dexter revered in his teen years. Dexter tracks the man down, and it turns out that he lives in a retirement home, has a grown son, hates life, and is extremely crotchety. He’s also smart, because he checks Dexter out and realizes that Dexter is with the cops. Fortunately, Dexter is able to kill the man. Debra hires a new detective against LaGuerta’s advice, and Debra also struggles with insecurity in her new job and Quinn being a dipwad. Quinn is boning everything in sight in an effort to get over Deb, and he thinks that she dumped him because of her new job. The two “religious murderers” try to get the guy they kidnapped to repent of his sins. Once he does it sincerely enough, they kill him and do something very interesting with his body. These guys are crazypants. Mos Def invites Dexter to a baptism and picnic, and we think he will go. This episode briefly ponders the places where people seek meaning in their lives. We were entertained by this one, but it’s not one for the ages or anything. We kind of hate Masuka’s intern. What a weirdo.

Episode grade: B

Pan Am - “Eastern Exposure”
We are rooting for this show, and we really like it, but this episode was kind of a huge mess. It focused on the lamest characters (rather than Maggie and Colette), and Kate is pretty much the worst spy of all time. The first half was fairly slow. One of us teared up in this episode, however, so it does get points for emotion (in case you were wondering, it was when Ted was talking about his desire to be an astronaut. She's originally from central Florida, so the space program has a special place in her heart). The flight crew spent time in Indonesia. Maggie tried to show Laura a good time, but it ended up sparking a huge fight between Laura and Kate. When the girls return, Laura moves in with Maggie. We find out that Ted’s father had a chance to save Ted’s past job and reputation, but his father chose to protect himself. Dean and Ted fight and Ted punches Dean, but they make up at the end of the episode.

Episode grade: C+

The Good Wife - “Feeding the Rat”
Diane takes Legal Aid and makes it a part of her firm after it loses its funding. Eli Gold tries to poach Kalinda and Alicia for his exclusive, full-time use. Alicia defends a pro bono case. The defendant is innocent of robbing a convenience store, and Kalinda’s snooping proves it. Will turns down a job offer from Celeste and accidentally says, “I love you” to Alicia. They both agree to forget it happened and not discuss it. This episode was enjoyable. We like having Eli in the firm, but we think the show needs to give him better things to do. Also, confession: We’ve never been Kalinda fans, nor are we really that interested in finding out about her character. She could leave the show and we wouldn’t care.

Episode grade: A

Homeland - “Clean Skin”
Carrie’s asset was killed (everyone saw that coming). Brody and his family spent most of the episode preparing for an interview. The daughter knows that the mom slept with Brody’s best friend, but she didn’t tell her dad in this episode. Brody and his daughter bonded a little bit. We got no clues as to what Brody is up to, but we know someone is up to something, because an expensive necklace was smuggled into the country and used to get terrorists cash. Then a couple purchased a home near the airport … and the husband’s skin is very brown. There was a pretty sad scene where Brody had his wife take off her shirt and then he just jacked off. We were depressed for her, but it’s understandable. There’s a theme to these sex scenes: Brody is not in the right place to have sex with another person and be aware that the other person is there and involved. This episode was mostly filler, but it was good filler. It continued what is, so far, a pretty great first season for this thriller.

Episode grade: A-

The Walking Dead - “What Lies Ahead”
The little girl, Sophia, goes missing after the gang is attacked by a herd of zombies. Rick’s son Carl is shot during the search. Shane contemplates leaving the group, and Andrea wants to go with him. She’s also really ticked at Dale for forcing her to live in the season finale last year. This was a solid premiere, but we certainly weren’t blown away. The monologue at the beginning tried our patience. Who wrote that?

Episode grade: B-

New Show: Work It

Work ItABC, midseason

Starring: Amaury Nolasco (Prison Break, Chase)

Plot: Two men dress up and pretend to be women at work, because they find it too hard to get jobs as men. It's basically Bosom Buddies.

Why We Are Excited: We are not excited at all. Not even a little.

Why We Are Not Excited: This. looks. horrifying. We try to watch every new show, but we may be tempted to skip this one. First of all, why is it harder for men to get jobs in America than women? Why is being male a disadvantage? We’re not feminists scrounging for the littlest pay difference between genders, but we are pretty sure pretending to be women wouldn’t actually help. This looks like the dumbest, least funny show ever. We wonder what people were thinking when they created this. Watch the trailer for yourself. But be warned: It’s not pretty, and neither are the Shemales.

Preview:


Anticipation Score: 0/10
Be sure to click on the "##Upcoming Shows## link in the cloud so you can stay apprised. And let us know if you think you will be watching any of them!

New Show: The River

The RiverABC, Midseason

Starring: Bruce Greenwood (I, Robot), Daniel Zacapa (Se7en), Joe Anderson (Across the Universe, Becoming Jane), Leslie Hope (24), and Paul Blackthorne (Lagaan, 24)

Plot: Dr. Emmet Cole, an explorer, went to the Amazon looking for supernatural/paranormal stuff and never returned. Millions of kids grew up watching his nature show, but his son, Lincoln, feels like he didn’t really know him. Lincoln, his mother, and others go looking for him with Cole’s ex-producer tagging along to film a documentary of the mission.

Why We Are Excited: It’s described as a paranormal/adventure/horror series, so that sounds like it’s worth checking out. It also sounds like this family is like a real-life Wild Thornberries. The magic Cole was looking for probably won’t let them talk to animals, but any magic is better than no magic. The trailer looks cool.

Why We Are Not Excited: We hope the documentary format won’t annoy or contribute to a shaky camera that distracts from the story.

Preview:


Anticipation Score: 7.5/10
Be sure to click on the "##Upcoming Shows## link in the cloud so you can stay apprised. And let us know if you think you will be watching any of them!

Treat Yo Self

2 Broke Girls - "And the Rich People Problems"
Caroline’s advanced Bruxism is acting up, so she and Max sneak into her old place to get her night guard. The cheap dentist is scary. Max is blown away by Caroline’s old things, particularly her bathtub. Then run off with tons of furs and purses that they can’t sell, because they were inventoried. They did get some good sushi though. Lots of good visual comedy in this episode. The girls’ chemistry was at its best in this episode, and this might be the show’s strongest outing so far.

Episode grade: B+

Up All Night - “Mr. Bob’s Toddler Kaleidoscope”
Chris and Reagan take Amy to an advanced playgroup, and Reagan isn’t good at it. Ava feels like Reagan isn’t spending enough time with her and freaks out. One problem: we can’t remember laughing in this episode. Leeard really enjoyed this episode, though.

Episode grade: B-

Suburgatory - “The Chatterer”
George clashes with a mom on his street, Sheila, who is butting in and trying to co-parent Tessa. He joins the PTA to show that he has what it takes to be a good parent. All of the women like him and his advice on how to get along with their husbands, but Sheila is upset that everyone is listening to him. She quits the PTA. George finally realizes that she is the better PTA leader and resigns. Tessa joins the school paper for her elective requirement and turns it into a tabloid full of high school gossip. We liked that plot better when it was on a Nickelodeon cartoon. She eventually regrets her actions and puts the paper back to its original, boring form. Not a great episode, but not bad either.

Episode grade: B

Happy Endings - “Yesandwitch”
If we were casting directors (and we should be), we would totally pick Megan Mullally to play Penny’s mom. Fortunately, the showrunners were thinking the right way and put her on the show as a party singer. When Penny learns that her mother’s positive attitude is a front for hiding her problems (a recent divorce and a career that’s going nowhere), she tries to snap her mother back to reality. Instead, she crushes her, and it took a nice speech plus a musical number to bring her mom back to normal. Jane and Brad take a couples improv class.

Episode grade: B+

South Park -“The Last of the Meheecans”
The boys have a game where half of them pretend to be U.S. border patrol agents. The other half pretend to be Mexicans trying to sneak across the border. When Butters gets lost and is mistaken for a real Mexican, he starts a revolution where all of the Mexicans want to go back to Mexico, because America’s economy sucks now. Cartman volunteers for the real border patrol and is very good at keeping Mexicans from crossing the border. He fails to keep Butters from coming back to the U.S. though. His team loses the game. None of this makes any sense, but it’s South Park, so that’s not surprising. Plus, it was pretty funny.

Episode Grade: B+

Community - “Remedial Chaos Theory”

Troy and Abed invite the rest of their gang to dinner at their new pad. But Jeff starts six different timelines/parallel realities. There are no real plot consequences to this, but this episode was still one of the show’s strongest and funniest, especially for people who know the characters well. We are extremely impressed with this one. The show's still got it, and then some.

Episode grade: A+

Parks and Recreation - “Pawnee Rangers”
Ron Swanson and Leslie Knope have competing children’s clubs, one for boys and one for girls. Leslie’s is more fun. Ron’s is more awesome. The kids don’t know that though, so the boys join the “Pawnee Goddesses,” leaving Ron alone until Leslie starts him a new, unisex club. Meanwhile, Tom and Donna try to teach Ben to relax and shop. He buys a Batman costume and cries over Leslie. That cowl does nothing for him… This was really funny episode, as usual.

Episode grade: A-

Maybe there are no good people. Only good decisions.

Parenthood - “Nora”
Christina finally popped and also bonded with Crosby. The new baby’s name is Nora. Speaking of new babies. After spending a night over at Julia’s house, coffee girl realized that her son couldn’t be in better hands. Amber helps Max make up with Jabbar. Seth has fallen off the wagon and called Sarah for help. She finds him sitting, looking like he just got beaten up, in an alley. This might complicate her new relationship with Captain Morgan… The highlight for us was seeing Adam in those awful clothes. So funny. This was a good one.

Episode grade: B+

Prime Suspect - “Great Guy, Yet: Dead”
Jane was actually wrong about a suspect! A formerly rich, charming guy got into trouble and had to borrow money from the Russian mob. He openly cheated on his wife, but she wasn’t the one who set him up to be killed. It was a potential business partner. This guy was a listener and a lot of fun, so everyone liked him, making it hard to find suspects until they found a fingerprint. Yay for CSI. This one wasn’t as good as the episodes in the last two weeks. We’re still liking the show though.

Episode grade: B-

X Factor - Judges’ Houses Part 1
We are two seconds from dropping this show until the finale. It’s too long, and Simon said something about our favorite contestant, Drew, possibly being too young. If they dump Drew, we may dump the show.

Grey’s Anatomy - “Love, Loss, and Legacy”
Zola gets a bowel obstruction and receives medical care at Seattle Grace. Complete idiots Cristina and Alex (who are usually our favorite characters) decide to tell Meredith and Derek, even though there is nothing they can do and knowing could ruin the adoption for them. Zola recovers, but the social worker sees Meredith and Derek looking teary in an elevator, and her face tells us that she knows that they know. Great. Jackson’s mother, Dr. Catherine Avery, comes to town, bringing with her a groundbreaking surgery- a penis transplant. This show will not rest until we see a storyline about every penis-related surgery out there. Penis fish. Broken penis. Penis pump. Penis transplant.

Catherine Avery was fantastic. She could come on full time and be the new Dr. Bailey, because she’s like Bailey was in the first couple of seasons, only happier and more fun. Bailey has gotten annoying over the years. Bailey dumps her nurse boyfriend. Owen sees Cristina playing with Zola and gets depressed. Teddy throws a dinner party. Uptight April nearly ruins the penis surgery, but Mark, ever watchful of penis care, steps in and saves it. Catherine can tell that Mark still loves Lexie and that Jackson really doesn’t. We love her. It looks like Mark and Lexie are an endgame couple. Man, we love Lexie’s bangs so much.

Episode grade: B

Person of Interest - “Cura Te Ipsum”
A young doctor wants to kill the man who drugged and raped her sister, causing her sister to commit suicide. Reese and Finch agree that this will harm the young woman, and so they interfere. Reese talks to the woman and spends the last scene discussing whether he should kill the rapist. He has this discussion with the rapist, so that’s kind of cool. Sadly, the show ended the episode before we found out what Reese decided. What does this show think it is? Inception? Jeez. We wanted to know. We wanted Reese to kill the guy, since he truly sucked, but we sort of think that he didn’t. Maybe he just settled for scaring the man. Meanwhile, Detective Carter questions Finch (who she knows under a false name) after watching the tape of the previous episode’s robbery and seeing Finch talk to Reese.

Episode grade: B

Why is Matt lifting weights at school in the middle of the night?

The Vampire Diaries - The Reckoning

We knew that Klaus would find Elena soon, because this show delivers in a timely fashion. But we didn’t know he would find her within the first five minutes! On any other show, that would be a cheap flashforward. In fact, we were expecting to see the words “three days earlier” after the title, but we didn’t. That wasn’t the climax of the episode. That was just the beginning.

The seniors are in their school, super-gluing desks, setting mousetraps, and putting cups of water and toilet paper everywhere! Caroline brought Tyler, Bonnie, and Elena in an attempt to force them to make normal memories and live normal lives. Oh Caroline, we love you. Also, just a hint to real-life kids: Schools have lost their sense of humor about kids breaking in after hours and pranking. It’s against the law and can get you into trouble. We know, we know. Squares messing with tradition are disgusting. But that’s the way of the world. This country loves to toss people into jail, or at least community service, and ruin their records.

Klaus grabs Elena and sends all but two random students home. Those are for his personal tormenting pleasure. Rebecca grabs Tyler, and Klaus feeds Tyler his blood. Then he snaps his neck and tells Bonnie that she needs to find a way to help Tyler transition into a full hybrid, or he is going to die. Bonnie needs to contact the old witches in order to figure out how to do this, so she goes looking for Jeremy, the only person she knows now who can speak with the dead.

But where is Jeremy? In the trunk of Damon and Katherine’s car. They make out (and we expect a car accident) before Damon pushes Katherine away and says, “You just don’t do it for me anymore.” We don’t believe him, but we like that line anyway. Katherine deserves it. They pull over and get Jeremy to reach out to Anna. Anna knows how to kill Klaus. Damon bangs Jeremy’s head against a picnic table until Anna coughs up the answer. Anna tells them the location of the vampire-hunting Vampire Michael who can kill Klaus. Damon ditches Katherine and heads back to town to protect Elena.

Meanwhile, Matt has a wonderful idea to drown himself, have Bonnie do CPR, and come back with an answer from Vicki to possibly save Tyler. Vicki has no answers, but Matt gets to see her now, and he’s pretty happy about that. Heartwarming. CPR doesn’t always work that well, by the way. Dumb Matty.

Klaus orders/compels Stefan to kill the two random students and then to feed on Elena. Stefan kills the students but has trouble following Stefan’s orders when it comes to Elena. Their love is that strong. Awww. Finally, Klaus puts some feeling behind it and manages to compel Stefan into becoming what we would think of as “season one Damon.” Stefan bites Elena and she passes out.

Elena wakes up in the hospital. Klaus figured out that the original witch hated him and set things up so that if he killed the doppelganger (which he thought he had to do, in order to awaken his werewolf side), he would not be able to make his hybrids, because they need to drink Elena’s blood to fully turn. Klaus gives Tyler a vial of Elena’s blood, and he becomes a hybrid.

Damon gets back to town and picks a fight with Klaus. Klaus nearly kills Damon, but Damon name-drops Michael and Klaus flees. He totally could have killed Damon in one second before he left though. We’re glad he didn’t, but we think it was unrealistic. Damon goes to the hospital, takes Elena, and carries her to his home. She wakes up and sadly asks where he was. Damon promises that he will never leave her again. Elena tells Damon that Stefan is “really gone this time.” We are convinced that this is the moment the two will kiss, but Stefan interrupts them. Klaus has tasked Stefan with guarding Elena while he is gone. Poor Elena. Finally, Jeremy and Katherine wake Michael up, and his eyes opening are the last thing we see.

This episode was full of action, jealous Rebecca, ghosts, true love, near suicides, hot guys, and Damon. What more could we ask? On any other show, this would be the finale, not the fifth episode of the third season.

Episode grade: A

Only Adam, Diana, and a bottle of whipped cream had any fun this week....

The Secret Circle - "Slither"

Kudos to the young actress who plays Melissa. She does a really good demon impression. From the morning she woke up, through her day at school, and into her first demon-possessed night, Melissa was cranky, clearly in pain, and really weird. This was probably the best thing they could do for a character who was pretty pathetic and bland in the last couple of episodes.

Cassie’s grandmother tries to get Cassie to open up, because Heather never did, and Grandma could have helped her. Cassie considers it, but Diana reminds her that Grandma and her generation were probably responsible for shutting down their parents’ powers. If Grandma found out about Cassie’s circle, she might take their powers from them too.

At school, Demon Melissa tells Nick that she knows the location of her mother’s Book of Shadows. She takes him to the woods and makes him dig a very large and wide hole. Inside, they find a dirty suitcase and they take it back to the abandoned house where they do all of their witchcraft. Demon Melissa calls all of the other witches, and they trickle in, slowly.

Dawn comes to Charles’ boat, and he offers her wine. In what universe, dude? Her facial expressions make it very clear that she is not into Charles. It doesn’t help that Diana told Faye that Dawn was dating him. The two fail at using their crystal. They waited too long to do whatever it was they were trying to do, and their crystal is out of juice.

Meanwhile, Demon Melissa tries to get the circle to use their powers to open the suitcase. Since she’s acting insane and the worm thing crawls across her forehead, they catch onto the situation pretty quickly. Nick knocks Demon Melissa out, and the gang ties her up. The suitcase is moving. Clearly, there is something alive in there. Cassie runs to get help from her witch grandmother, rather than her local Catholic priest like ANYONE who has seen any movie.

We shouldn’t have doubted Grandma though, because she could be Dumbledore’s twin sister. She gets everything under control and kills the suitcase full of demon snakes. But the demon crawls out of Melissa and into Nick before the exorcism is complete. Demon Nick escapes before they burn the snakes. He calls and threatens to kill Adam’s dad if they don’t bring the suitcase to him. He finds Dawn, the person who summoned him years ago. He threatens her too, and they leave together. Dawn calls Charles on her cell phone and he hears what’s going on between her and “Abbadon.” Is that the only hellish name TV writers know?

Charles shows up, knocks Demon Nick out, and drowns Nick, because the only way to kill a demon is to burn or drown it. We figured Nick would survive this, but he did not. Dawn and Charles flee the scene. Charles feels great remorse for killing an innocent boy, which surprised us, because he seemed to have a truly wonderful time burning Cassie’s mom alive. Cassie and Grandma find the body. Melissa and Faye are crushed that Nick is dead. Cassie looks out her window, tears streaming down her face, as she realizes that her morning eye candy is gone.

We can’t believe that one of the circle died in the fifth episode. We kind of liked Nick as a character, and we definitely liked that he was hot. What does that mean for the circle? Don’t they need a sixth member to kick ass? Can they graft someone from another family in? This was one time when we wanted the death to be a fake-out and for the guy to come back to life. Still, we are impressed at the show’s moxie, and happy that it seems to be following in the footsteps of The Vampire Diaries, pacing-wise. We’re glad the demons seem to be gone, for now. Enough with the demons, already.

Episode grade: A-

Have you ever been in a bad movie and seen people bringing their young children?

Modern Family - "Hit and Run"

We applaud Cameron for trying to convince the dad to take his young children out of an adult movie (even if it turned out that Cameron was in the wrong theater). We've wanted to do that SO MANY TIMES. And yet, it is the parents' decisions to spoil their childrens' innocence at the age of eight. Unsolicited parenting advice is almost as bad as unsolicited weight loss advice (we are guilty of giving both, but we try not to). However, when we saw the Rated R Fright Night, and saw a family with about six kids under ten in attendance, we were pretty bummed.

This week on Modern Family, Gloria helped Jay, Manny, and Claire out with their projects. Claire is running against David Cross for the Town Council position; she just needed a little encouragement. Manny needed help with a school project, and Jay needed some pizzazz for his business pitch. The other MVP this week was Mitchell, who hilariously managed to tackle some guy (Todd from Community!!) who stole $900 from Haley. The funniest moment for us was seeing Luke's savings, how he gets money, and where he keeps it.

This was a solid episode. But it wasn't spectacular.

Episode grade: B

Are there too many homages in this show?

American Horror Story - "Home Invasion"

The episode started in 1968 and two nursing students (including pregnant coffee girl from Parenthood) are murdered by an intruder, mirroring real-life events from that time. It was a pretty good and creepy first scene. This episode is all about the fear most people have of someone breaking into their home. We find that a nice big gun helps nicely in this area, but we digress with our totally unsolicited political opinions…. Back in the present day, Violet and her bully, Leah, are getting along better and are able to discuss the incident with the rotting corpse attacker. Violet thinks it was Tate’s sleight of hand that produced the frightening images, but Leah’s money is on “the Devil.”

Crazy, wonderful Constance baked cupcakes with spit and ipecac (the syrup that causes vomiting), and she went to the Harmons’ house to give them to Violet. We know why she has a beef with Mrs. Harmon, but what does Constance have against Violet? Constance talks to Vivian as she drops the cupcakes off, telling Vivian that three out of four of her children were born with Down Syndrome. Then she rhapsodizes about her perfect fourth child, a boy. She lamented that she lost him to “other things.” Ben sees a patient named Bianca who is having a recurring nightmare (that we are shown) that she is cut in half by an elevator. This is one of Ern’s top five fears, so seeing it was just freaking dandy. Bianca turns out to be casing the house.

Ben Harmon is called away by the student he slept with, Hayden. It turns out that she is pregnant, and she wants support from the “father” while she gets an abortion. They do not sleep together, but Ben lies to Vivien about his reasons for going back to Boston, at Larry Harvey’s request. We were a little annoyed that the husband was gone during the home invasion episode. What message does that send? That you’ll be safe as long as you have a man to live with? In The Strangers, Funny Games, and many other home invasion movies, the horror was all the stronger for the men being unable to stop the attackers. It made the invaders seem invincible and strong.

But it was interesting to meet the big pot of crazy, Hayden. She’s a Stage Five Clinger, no doubt. Ben took her to the doctor’s office, and she disappeared to have the procedure. In the waiting room, Ben saw that he had 13 panicked missed calls from his wife, so he ran home immediately. A female stalker would fit in with the horror motif, so Ben might be seeing Hayden again. In fact, we think you can count on it. And she might not have gone through with the abortion.

Vivien and Violet weren’t getting along, because Violet doesn’t think it’s healthy to have a baby when you are over 40…or to try and fix your marriage with one. Violet calls her mother “weak,” which is sort of harsh in comparison with her mother’s crime of interrupting her reading of Camus’ “The Stranger,” a book we didn’t care for. Vivien is scared about the pregnancy, because it “feels wrong” (*cough* it’s a monster or a demon *cough*) and she hasn’t been nauseated yet.

Bianca, Guy, and Fiona idolize the ‘60s killer who butchered the nurses in the Harmons’ house, so they break in and try to get a reenactment going. They turned out to be really incompetent. With some gumption from Vivien and Violet, along with some help from Tate and the ghosts of the murder victims, all three of the intruders were killed. Tate and Constance got rid of the bodies. Tate is a ghost?! Wait, that’s not surprising. Bianca was cut in half by Tate’s axe, echoing her dream. She also spent some time throwing up, because she ate Constance’s cupcakes.

At some point during the home invasion, Addy was there and saw an intruder terrorizing Vivien. Addy went to get help, but her mother was trying to sex up her gardener, Travis, and didn’t want to be interrupted. When Addy persisted, Constance locked her in “the bad girl closet,” which is a closet full of mirrors. Addy screamed in horror, because she is acutely aware that she doesn’t look like girls in magazines. Don’t worry, Addy. Nobody does. Also, please tell us that Travis doesn’t turn out to be Constance’s perfect son.

How much culture commentary are we going to get with this show? We admit that this would be a better platform for messages than a singing show with high school kids. With the mirrors, women’s magazines, Constance’s sexuality, the vomiting and the Karen Carpenter songs played in the background at times, our (sort of) keen eyes picked out a “women’s bodies/beauty pressure” motif going on here. There were plenty of Charles Manson references too, if you’re into him, which some people are, because they think he’s interesting. We think he’s a douchebag. If you are going to do something awful, at least have the balls to do your dirty work yourself.

We still think that this show needs to build up some tension rather than just give us shock after twisted shock/sex scenario.

Episode grade: B+

The Hamptons Exposed!

Revenge - “Duplicity”

This week, Amandily destroys the psychiatrist who had her institutionalized and kept away from her father as a child. Amandily has been seeing this shrink for about a year. She sure goes all the way with a set-up, doesn’t she? In exchange for locking Amanda up, Dr. Michelle Banks got a sweet job from Victoria as therapist to most of the Hampton’s residents, including Victoria. Dr. Michelle secretly recorded all of her patients’ sessions for her own use and commentary. Dumb, dumb, dumb. And unnecessary. And illegal in most states.

Victoria, her daughter Charlotte, Dr. Michelle, and Amandily attended a charity tea. While speaker Dr. Michelle was giving her presentation, things were interrupted when an edited video played snippets from therapy sessions for the crowd. Amandily is in the video talking about her trust issues. Victoria is in it talking about how she sometimes regrets having Charlotte. Amandily smiles. Victoria tells Dr. Michelle that she is going to sue her and ruin her life.

Dr. Michelle disappears (is kidnapped and locked away by Emily) and is released with no explanation. But it scares her. We are the most satisfied with this episode’s revenge arc, because that woman really abused people’s trust and was mean to a child. She was nasty. Victoria is under suspicion for the kidnapping. Charlotte runs away from her mother and seeks comfort from Declan.

Speaking of young love, Daniel and Amandily are on the rocks. Tyler sabotaged their plans with each other, made it look like Daniel stood Emily up, and also made it look like Emily is dating another guy behind Daniel’s back. Then he got Daniel to start drinking again. This guy is the worst friend in TV history, and we can't wait to see what secret he's hiding. Jack and Amandily spend an evening together, talking. Nolan goes to Dr. Michelle’s office before anyone else can, takes all of the videos, and puts them all on the internet. Nolan tells Jack to go on the internet and look at the video of Amandily talking about a guy she just met who might be “the one.” It’s obviously Jack she’s talking about.

Nolan is the best thing about this show. Him in the golf cart, getting stopped by Amandily, was a hilarious shot. Lots of people are concerned over where the show is going, how long it can sustain this plot, and how many people could possibly need to be victims of Amanda's revenge plots. Check this out, and be comforted that the show has long-term potential to stay good. One blogger was getting bored with the show, but after this week, both bloggers are back on board.

Episode grade: B+

Dear people who can't handle confrontation - learn.

America's Next Top Model - "LaToya Jackson"

This episode had a Michael Jackson tribute photo shoot, which was not as awesome as it sounds. We thought all of the pictures were bad, except for maybe Laura’s and Alison's. We think it just came across as creepy because they all looked like wax models of Michael Jackson or something. Then there was a runway challenge on a carousel where the girls modeled the Kardashian line in front of the Kardashians. That was exactly as awesome as it sounds: not awesome.

Also, the CW needs product placement lessons. We’re sure you’ve noticed all the stupid binging that goes on. But America’s Next Top Model is the worst offender. They always have makeup, celebrities, clothes, and stores showing up to sell their wares. Rather than letting the clothes and makeup speak for themselves, the show has to have everyone on it constantly talking the products up. The Kardashian line promotion was just too obvious. They didn’t need it either, because the clothes were at least cuter than the ones from Express last episode.

Most of the episode centered on a long Bianca/Lisa/Shannon cat fight. That was 90% of the episode. Also, no one went home. If you haven’t seen this episode, you really can skip it. Since this ep was all about fighting, we will jump in with our opinions on who was right and wrong. The show brought it up. Shannon miscalculated the phone time for the girls, so Bianca came to talk to her. Immediately, Shannon burst into tears and said, “I don’t like confrontation,” and that was her way of working it out. Lisa immediately jumped into things and kind of broke Bianca’s spirit…temporarily of course. Lisa was just being protective, trying to save the sweet girl from the known bitch.

But we jumped on Bianca’s side here, because as people not afraid to work conflicts out, we have been constantly frustrated by indirect, passive aggressive people who don’t know how to fight. If you get close to anyone, sooner or later, you are going to have a real fight. It’s how you deal with that fight and work things out that will make you or break you in friendships and relationships. Life is full of conflicts, and if you are crippled by the idea of them, you're going to live life in discomfort, feeling out of control.

It seems like some people label themselves as “non-confrontational” so that they never have to try. We get that people are scared and it’s hard, but if they would talk about things when they are important enough, they will see that even if a fight is unpleasant, they survive it. There’s really nothing a bully can do to you. If they get out abusive, just say, “I think we need a break, so that we can both calm down and think,” and then walk out of the room. Pretending everything is ok and backing away from every conflict doesn’t make you a good person. It makes you weak and controlling. People can feel when you are angry, but they are not allowed to fix it.

If you make someone else fight the fight for you, it will be harsher for the other person than if you nut up and handle it. Your protector will feel self-righteous in protecting you, and they will overdo it, like Lisa did. We’re not saying start fights and be aggressive all of the time. But when it is necessary, you need to know how to do it. You need some experience and practice. There are classes on conflict resolution. Take one, because the people who are trying to clear the air and move on are about ready to punch you in the face. You say that you can’t ever have an open disagreement? Then marry someone else who can’t either, or your relationship will be short.

Toward the end though, we felt bad for Shannon. Shannon made a crack and Bianca said, “I was surprised to hear that from Shannon, the Christian who can do no wrong.” This frustrated Shannon, and we understand that, even though most of the time we can’t stand her and we think she should be able to wear underwear shorts in a photo shoot. Just because some people’s source of their moral code is their religion does not make them less likely to mess up than anyone else, and most religious people know that. Being a better person than the other guy is actually not what Christianity is about.

Christianity is about how everyone kind of sucks, but God is going to forgive and love anyway. It’s not about how good you are. It could be argued that the secular world is more about how good you are: have a good career, be beautiful, be a social butterfly, find the perfect person, and have the perfect resume. No grace there. Everyone has morals/beliefs that they think others should adopt and everyone fails to live up to them sometimes. Why is it only religious people who are called hypocritical when they aren’t pure as the driven snow? When Bianca threw the remark about Christianity in there, she was expecting Shannon to live up to an impossible standard. Bianca was telling Shannon that she’s not a good Christian if she isn't perfect. That’s too personal. That’s going for the gut. Shannon can’t win. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t fight.

Episode grade: C

Charlie's Angels has been cancelled

Finally

The episodes they already have made will still air. There are about four left.

Last Man Standing

Let’s face it: Most of the time, we are TV snobs. We also usually agree with critics. Someone mentioned liking Two and a Half Men to Ern on Tuesday, and she actually sneered. She wiped the look off her face quickly, but it didn’t go unnoticed. Fortunately, guys love mean girls, so this particular one burned Ern three CDs the next day. There’s Depeche Mode in there. Yesssss.

However, this time, we are not going to sneer at the little Tim Allen sitcom that’s a hell of a lot like Home Improvement. If you like sitcoms, Tim Allen, and Home Improvement, this one is not bad. This is due mostly to the cast. The middle daughter is annoying at first when she’s crying about Glee, but she gets funny quick. The oldest daughter, Kristin, was seen briefly on both LOST and Nikita, and let us just say that this hair is working for her.

We also like the wife and the youngest tomboy daughter. We chuckled a few times during this and didn’t roll our eyes once. We enjoyed ourselves. It was relaxing to watch. It’s not groundbreaking, modern, or new in any way. But it’s not a cheesy pain to watch either. So if you are interested in this show based on the commercials, go ahead and check it out. The first and second episode aired this week and are on hulu.

Episodes Grade: B

Some shows got picked up. We love it.

Full seasons have been ordered for The Secret Circle, Ringer, Hart of Dixie, Revenge, and Suburgatory. Also, ABC has ordered 6 more scripts of Happy Endings. We're pretty excited about all of them. Except for maybe Hart of Dixie.

http://www.eonline.com/news/watch_with_kristin/cw_picks_up_all_its_new_shows_plus_more/269078

http://www.eonline.com/news/watch_with_kristin/abc_picks_up_revenge_suburgatory_full/269293

It's time for Bridget to sleep with Andrew. We know his relationship sucked, but how long can they plausibly go without doing it now?

Ringer - "A Whole New Kind of Bitch"

Gemma doesn’t believe Bridget at first, but then she notes that Bridget doesn’t have a burn scar on her wrist like Siobhan did. At this point, Gemma turns into a raging bitch. She says that she wants a divorce, but she’s looking ahead to the settlement part of the whole debacle. She wants all of her money and custody of the kids. Fortunately for her, there is an infidelity clause in their prenuptial agreement. Unfortunately for her, infidelity is hard to prove in a court of law when you have no evidence and your husband will just deny it.

Gemma calls Bridget out for being a drug-addict, stripper whore who she doesn’t know from Eve. She agrees to keep Bridget’s secret if Bridget will sleep with her husband at a certain time so that Gemma can burst in and catch them. Bridget, knowing what kind of shame that will bring into her psyche, freaks and doesn’t want to do it. She meets up with another addict she met at New York’s Narcotics Anonymous chapter. He tells her not to do something she can’t live with. Juliet follows Bridget and sees her at the group.

Juliet, who earlier painted the word “whore” on the big, vain picture of Siobhan’s face and had a drug party while Andrew was away, still hates Siobhan. Bridget finds out that this is because Siobhan slept with Andrew while he was still married to Juliet’s mom. Juliet assumes that Bridget/Siobhan is going to the NA group to snoop and get information about addicts to use against Juliet. Juliet is being threatened with rehab, which sounds like a good idea to us. Instead, Andrew decides to send her to public school. And the worst parent award goes to…. Also, if your daughter has abused your trust by clearly doing drugs and trashing your house, her privacy privileges go bye-bye.

Bridget meets Henry at a bar and tells him that his wife knows about the affair and wanted to set him up to get caught. Great solution, Bridget! Palm your problem off to the jerk and tell him to take care of things. Henry is reeling from his book deal being dropped by his publisher, so his impending divorce is less than welcome news. Who is having the worst week ever? Turns out, it is Gemma, because it looks like Henry just killed her at the end of the episode.

Bridget and Andrew have to go collect Juliet from a nightclub. She acts like a brat at first, but then Bridget apologizes to Juliet and says that Siobhan should never have slept with Andrew while he was still married. Andrew seems flabbergasted that an actual adult has to own up to a real mistake and apologize to a child. It worked like a charm with Juliet, and it should. We are starting to like Bridget, Juliet, and Andrew. This episode helped us like the girls in that trio even more. Bridget’s decisions this week, for the most part, went a long way in helping us care what happens to her character.

This was probably the most fun and twisty episode so far. There were some real stakes. Plus, you know we like when people die on our TV shows. Death always moves things along! What this show needs to do now is make Siobhan’s side of the story interesting. What is she even doing? The show needs to give us a little hint as to her master plan if they are going to show her again. Agent Machado needs to be integrated into the story more. The whole Malcolm captured by the bad guys thing needs to end.

This show has gotten a lot better since the premiere, so if you tuned out after that, catch up. What do we always say (since Nikita and Mad Men) about five episodes? That’s how long you need to stick around to get the measure of most shows. It’s still a frothy, ridiculous soap opera. But for what it is, last night’s episode was good.

Episode grade: A-

And this show just got a full season pickup

In which we offend every New Age person reading this blog....

Enlightened - "Pilot"

This show focuses on a woman into what lots of people call “The New Age movement.” But not the cool, confusing, heady parts. This show is about New Age 101. Mostly just meditation and shallow platitudes. The thing about this part of New Ageism is that no one can really argue with it, but plenty of people have a problem with it. Sure, positive thinking is a good thing. Making new starts and making amends are also healthy. But they are just not ENOUGH for most people to change their lives.

That’s part of what doesn’t work for us about this TV show. Amy Jellicoe’s whole outlook on life is changed by things that just aren’t powerful enough to transform you. The experiences Amy has (or what we see of them in the pilot) just don’t have that kind of juice. Sure, the big sea turtle was cool, and many people can experience God/life force/whatever through nature. Another thing that doesn’t work for us is that the show doesn’t seem to know if it supports this kind of thing or if it wants to mock it.

That is realistic, because we think that’s the way a lot of people see New Age books, meditation, and talk about the universe. In the right crowd or at the right time, lots of people will roll with it. “I believe in a God. You believe in some universal force? SAME THING!” At other times, they will deem it wishy washy, stupid, or a waste of time. Because most of it really can mesh with lots of religions and lots of forms of atheism. Your stance on it will be as flexible as the “belief system” itself. This kind of modern spirituality has become a catch-all for people who realize that humans are spiritual beings but who don’t want a label or don’t agree with any established religion.

You get a lot of types who differ in beliefs, rituals, habits, and backgrounds. That’s one of the things that is awesome about that crowd. But sometimes when people are afraid to make a gathering about something (because someone in the group might choose not to work with that concept), it’s hard to make your gathering about anything. Except for trees. Everyone likes trees. But are they powerful enough that you will become enlightened by thinking about them in a seated position?

Amy works at a company called “Abbadon,” which, as any religion (or LOST) nerd knows, means “hell” in Hebrew. She has a breakdown while she is there after having an affair with her boss and getting transferred to an inferior department. She takes two months off, goes to rehab, swims with turtles, and does hippie dippy activities that make her want to be different when she gets back. And different she is. She dresses casually (like a hippie), has curlier hair, hugs strangers, smiles, and tries to keep her temper in check. That doesn’t always work.

That’s realistic. No matter what belief system is changing your life, it doesn’t happen all at once. Don’t let this post fool you into thinking we are totally against all of this hippie stuff. There’s a lot of truth in it, and if you are open to it, you might learn new thought processes or tools to deal with life. What you can get out of this post is that we think Eckhart Tolle and his intellectual ilk are a supplement to real life, not the complete guide.

It can spark debate, call you out for splitting hairs or demanding that your own terminology be used, and it can make you more accepting and understanding of people who think differently. It can make you care about the environment more, be more open, and be less rule-oriented in your worldview. And yoga is relaxing. We dip into the pool, take what we like, add it to what already works for us, and run with it. Also, hippies are really into rocks. All kinds of rocks, big and small. Rocks. Are. Awesome. Anyway...

Amy’s problems are relatable, and lots of people today are embarking on a similar spiritual journey. Lots of people also have trouble communicating with a parent. Lots of people have addict husbands who look like Luke Wilson with a beard. So why is Amy so hard to relate to then? Whether she is following her new beliefs or lashing out, Amy comes across like a side-show. A train crash. We're pretty sure even Oprah's most loyal followers, people who have feathers in their house to clear energy, and psychics would think that both Amy and this show are too shallow and simplistic. What crowd is this catering to?

This show doesn't know what it is yet. It's supposed to be a comedy, but who are we laughing at? Amy? The miserable drones around her? The show is not really funny. It’s tone is uneven and confusing. The premise is too ordinary. And the voiceover gives us plenty of platitudes that sound like nothing, but they are expected to be taken seriously. Sure, the voiceover is true. But it is missing conviction, oomph, and self-awareness. Much like this show. Much like the New Age movement.

Episode grade: C+