Is the Hunger Games Out Yet? (No, obviously, because we aren't living behind the movie theater waiting for each showing)

This week was really crazy, so as you can see, we are a few episodes behind on some of our favorite shows. Boo. Also, a lot of shows didn't have a new episode this week. Double boo. We hope to be caught up very soon, but this week is spring break and we always have crazy plans for spring break. We're sure we'll watch something though. 

Monday shows: 
Pretty Little Liars - Father Knows Best
After the last couple of weeks, another run-of-the-mill PLL episode wasn't going to wow us. We felt really bad for Spencer's dad during this episode. Emily's dad is awesome. Aria is donning the red coat when she meets yet another player in this game (new guy Duncan). Thank God it's March. It's time to find out who A is already. It cannot come too soon. Unless the reveal sucks.
Episode Grade: B-

The Lying Game - Weekend of Living Dangerously
EMMA SLAPPED SUTTON! Who cares about what else happened in the episode because EMMA SLAPPED SUTTON! And it was awesome! Also, pretty much nothing else happened in this episode. Well, Sutton and Thayer found out that Rebecca has a picture of Ted in her locket (which they discovered held a picture of the love of her life) and Emma and Ethan almost had sex. Ethan finally confessed the ranch kiss to Emma, and they broke up for good. It was actually a pretty boring episode, but that slap guaranteed it'd be getting nothing less than an A from us.
Episode Grade: A

Hart of Dixie - Tributes & Triangles
Okay, first things first: does this episode title remind anyone else of The Hunger Games? Just us? Well okay then. George won some Man of the Year thing and Lavon hosted party in his honor (which obviously sucked for him). Zoe made a big speech at the party and now basically everyone knows that she's in love with George. Honestly, this was probably the best episode so far. When Zoe told George that she got her father to do his dad's surgery, Leeard teared up. This show is a lot better than it has any right to be.
Episode Grade: A-

Smash - The Cost of Art
While we continue to love Julia and root for Karen, this show just keeps having non-eventful episodes. Nick Jonas guest starred and is now funding the Marilyn workshop. Karen got a much-needed makeover (both with style and attitude). Whatever. A Jonas brother will not save this show and we are surprised that was what they tried. They should go full Broadway, take more risks, and have stuff happen. One of us likes Katherine McPhee, but the other of us wonders if her lack of charisma is what is tanking the show.
Episode Grade: C

How I Met Your Mother - Karma

Barney found out that Quinn is a dancer at his favorite strip club and thinks he's dating her, when really he's paying tipping her a bunch of money. Robin moved out of Ted's apartment and into Lily and Marshall's house (temporarily). Everyone realizes that Long Island sucks and moves the heck back into Manhattan, since Ted was nice enough to give Lily and Marshall his apartment. We're left wondering what the heck Ted and Robin are going to do and frankly only one of us cares anymore.
Episode Grade: C+

Tuesday shows: 

Switched at Birth - Write a Lonely Soldier
Emmett found out that Bay had been emailing Ty while he's been in Afghanistan and he got upset. Daphne helped Travis, a student at Carlton, get a job at John's car wash, but he quickly gets fired when he gets in an argument with an important customer. Daphne goes to his house and realizes how difficult his family situation is, with parents who don't know any sign language and a younger brother who only wants to know the curse signs. It's actually pretty depressing and helps explain his earlier attitude. Travis tells John he'll work on communicating better. Overall, it was a pretty good episode. We just with Emmett would stop being stupid.
Episode Grade: B

Jane By Design - The Getaway

Well, Ben finally found out about Jane's real job. Jane and India went to California for the weekend to look for a new location for a Donovan Decker store. Nick realized that Jane would never choose him over her job and Lulu realized that Billy would never choose her over Jane, so both of those relationships appear to be over. Well, to be fair, Ben overheard India make a comment about how Jane shouldn't hook up that night, which didn't help matters. After coming to those revelations, Nick and Lulu kissed. We're actually pretty bummed that Nick and Jane broke up; they were a cute couple, if not at all realistic.
Episode Grade: B

Cougar Town - Lover's Touch
This show is just so, so good. It's funny, it's touching, and it's gotta hang around for a few more seasons. Jules has been neglecting Grayson to focus on the wedding, and he is bummed he hasn't been getting much affection. Then Travis gets into an accident and Grayson gets neglected even more. While Travis keeps telling Jules not to worry about him, Jules gives a speech that, honestly, Leeard's mom has given before. Jules tells Travis that even though he's almost 20 and in college, she's still his mother and she will continue to worry about him and his safety until the day she dies. It's a very touching scene. We love this show.
Episode Grade: A

Wednesday shows:
Suburgatory - Poetic Injustice
Oh Tessa. That poetry teacher was super weird, not super cool, as was Dalia's poetry. George and Dallas finally seem to be getting closer, so that's pretty exciting. This show never really has much of a plot, but it cracks us up on a regular basis, so we appreciate that.
Episode Grade: B+

Happy Endings - Cocktails & Dreams
This show, guys. We don't have sex dreams about Dave, but we kind of wish we did so we could be a part of that group.
Episode Grade: A-

America's Next Top Model- Kelly Osbourne
At least they didn't kick of the girl with the cutest accent yet. However, so far this season is descending into ANTM's trashy worst. What happened to real photo shoots? Why would you pair some of those famous figures. We have no favorite so far, but this show entertains us and always hooks us on the makeover episode. 
Episode grade: C+


Thursday shows: 
The Office - Test the Store

Andy got beaten up by a little girl while trying to defend Pam. Kelly used to be a bully (which we are not at all surprised by). The Florida group opened the test store to "bloggers" (um why weren't we invited?!) to some pretty positive feedback.
Episode Grade: C+

Movies: We saw Act of Valor, a movie that most everyone wants to see (OK, mostly guys), but critics say is underwhelming. Who is right? Well, the reason we go see that movie is to see bad ass Navy Seal action. Let's face it, this isn't the newest Christopher Nolan movie. If anyone is looking for nuance, grey areas, political correctness, an objective look at the military, or multidimensional characters, they can look elsewhere. We want to see Seals be awesome and that's it. The movie delivers that, and so it is a success for its audience. There is a formulaic plot in which the Seals show us what they do. When the explosions, shooting, chasing, and other fighting are going on, the movie is good and realistic. It's exactly what we are here to see. But then they have to stop and talk to each other. Those scenes range from cheesy to unintentionally hilarious. The acting is some of the worst we've ever seen, but the guys are real Seals, not actors. The script and dialogue are unworthy of these heroes, and we wish other people had been involved making it. The end message and action are good; the overall movie is unfortunate. If you like good movies, don't go see this one. If you like action, America, and Navy Seals, do. We like all of the above, so we're giving this a mixed grade of B-. Ern re-watched Warrior to make her dad and brother see it. They liked it. 

Books: We read Fever by Lauren DeStefano, the sequel to Wither. For a book where the bulk of it was spent wandering around, getting sidelined, and trying to look for Rhine's brother, it was pretty entertaining. It didn't move the plot along much and ended with a frustrating cliffhanger, but the end was truly creepy. This book is darker than the first, which was good, but we had to spend most of the sequel waiting for the exciting characters and moments. That is why the first book was better, but the second book sure wasn't bad. There was a lot of suspense built up to when and if we would see anyone from the mansion again. We await the conclusion eagerly. Grade: B


OLD SHOW ALERT: Ern finished season one of Veronica Mars. A lot of it feels like Wonderfalls in tone, especially when they brought in the Russian bride thing. That's not a bad thing. Ern can't decide if she's a Logan fan or not, but it's pretty clear at this point that he's endgame. It was cool how he stood up for her in front of his friends. It's going to be weird going into season two to have Veronica back in people's good graces, but with writing like this, Ern is pretty sure it's still going to be good. Clash of the Triton: A+, Lord of the Bling: B, Mars v. Mars: B+, Ruskie Business: B-, Betty and Veronica: A-, Kanes and Abels: B, Weapons of Class Destruction: A, Hot Dogs: A-, M.A.D.: B+, A Trip to the Dentist: A+, Leave It to Beaver: A+

The Oscars were boring, but TV was not.

Sunday shows:
Shameless - A Bottle of Jean Nate
We liked the stuff with Kevin and V mourning the loss of Ethel. We were horrified at Jody's sexual habits. When is "Kiss from a Rose" going to catch a break? That's a pretty song. Jasmine is a sketchball, but Fiona sort of did owe her a place to stay. 
Episode grade: B

Once Upon a Time - What Happened to Frederick
The stranger has a name, and it's August. We still miss Graham, but August is growing on us. In fact, his scenes with Emma might have been the highlight of this episode. We also really loved that Abigail/Kathryn has her own love. The evil queen's curse actually did something for Kathryn's happiness! It stopped her from leaving Storybrooke and going to law school. 
Episode grade: B

House of Lies - Bareback Town
We already knew that Marty has no morals, but this episode finally proved it. He threw one of the client's employees (someone he's known for years) under the bus just to keep the client. This will not go over well, since she has a new job with the competitor. We really enjoyed this episode because, though he has proven and will continue to prove that he has no scruples when it comes to his job, he's actually starting to care for the stripper we met in the pilot. He's just such a confusing man. His ex-wife is absolutely insane (or, well, more insane than we already knew) if she thinks that she could get full custody of Roscoe. Not only are you certifiably crazy, you're on the road as much as Marty is, and Roscoe's grandfather takes care of him when Marty isn't around. She probably has some psycho tricks up her sleeve though, not that she's usually wearing shirts when we see her onscreen.
Episode Grade: B+

Monday shows:
Pretty Little Liars - Breaking the Code
We have another couple we like: Wren and Spencer. How adorable are they? He brings out her sexy, drunk, even crazier side. Mona just made a bid to become one of our favorite characters. You can't threaten someone who isn't afraid of the truth. What a freaking bad ass. Mona is a great friend. This episode might have even ended with Maya's death. The show did spoil that there would be a death. We almost got rid of Ezra, who keeps chickening out. Aria has to always put the pieces back together and find a way for them to date. Now Ella is helping them work it out? Ugh. But we still think Ella is the best parent on this show of pretty awesome parents. This episode had some great emotion and is starting to address all the Melissa theorists. That probably means it isn't Melissa, unless they want to reveal A's identity before the finale. Doubt it. 
Episode grade: A

The Lying Game - Not Guilty as Charged
Wow how much does Sutton suck? While there are quite a few times that we enjoy her as a character, most of the time we just wish the tv series had started in the same way as the book series - with Sutton's death. Anyway, Ethan's case was dropped due to insufficient evidence, so that's definitely the last we'll be hearing about that case, right? Ha! Sutton pretended to be Emma and told Ethan that she (Emma) had slept with Thayer when Ethan and Sutton were hiding out on the ranch after Ethan told her (Sutton pretending to be Emma) that he had made out with Sutton but that she doesn't mean anything to him. Ouch, but seriously Sutton - you're the worst. You totally deserved that. Sutton then told Emma that she (Sutton) and Ethan slept together on the ranch. We hate you so, so much Sutton. Mads finally called Sutton out on being basically the world's worst friend, and while that might make a normal person change her ways, this is Sutton we're talking about. Also, Laurel and Baz are heading in the right direction, which we're pretty excited about. Justin is a horrible boyfriend and person, and Laurel deserves so much better, because she's pretty awesome.
Episode Grade: B

Hart of Dixie - Snowflakes & Soulmates
Lemon and George tried to elope, but obviously that wasn't going to happen. Lavon got his parents back together and broke up with Didi, because he's obviously still in love with Lemon. Zoe tried to send some macaroons to her dad in Germany, but found out that he moved back to New York and hasn't tried to contact her. Ouch. She and Brick had a little heart-to-heart about that while Zoe drove him to South Carolina (for Lemon and George's elopement which, again, was never actually going to happen). All in all, a pretty decent episode for this show that one of us likes more than is rational.
Episode Grade: B

Smash - Enter Mr. DiMaggio
Ugh. We almost got a male character involved in the show who was straight and not a douche. But it turns out he slept with a married woman and is being awfully friendly to her now that they are reunited. Julia cheated on her caveman! We like the new character though, and we like how that assistant is turning into a full-on villain. The songs were ok, although we don't know that "Redneck Woman" needed to be covered by this show. At least the rock version of "Grenade" made sense in the plot. 
Episode grade: B

The Voice - Blind Auditions Part 4
The only notable voices in this episode, in our opinion, were Jamie Lono (who sang "Folsom Prison Blues") and Charlotte Sometimes (who sang "Apologize"). Jamie really brought something to "Folsom Prison Blues", and honestly, and version of a Johnny Cash song that doesn't immediately make us go "ugh please stop" is really, really good, because we love Johnny Cash. We're glad he's on Team CeeLo. Charlotte Sometimes a) cannot be her real name and b) reminded us of Xenia a little too, so we're glad she's on Team Blake.
Episode Grade: B

How I Met Your Mother - No Pressure

Shockingly, despite lack of early-season hilarity, we liked this one. Maybe it was the hopeful, smart ending. Maybe it was the inclusion of Florence and the Machine's "Shake It Out." Maybe it was how much we were reminded that Marshall and Ted are such great friends. But, overall, this episode did not leave us annoyed and angry, like the last couple. We wish Marshall had paid up at the end though, since we know Robin isn't the mother.

Episode grade: B

Being Human - "Addicted to Love" and "Mama Said There'd Be Decades Like This"

Sally is a rapist who drove a woman crazy now, and Josh is concerned. We're not gonna lie, we thought it was awesome when Josh went to town on Nora's Chris Brown. But it was even more awesome when Nora and the siblings killed him. That storyline was part of the wolves' downward spiral, but this particular step in the downfall wasn't entirely unwelcome. This season, we are liking Nora and Josh more as a couple. We got to see why Mother punished Suren in the first place, meaning that we got a few more shots of Aidan's hideous little mustache. We loved the twist that Henry, Aidan's traitorous underling, was alive. We weren't digging the ghost/imaginary Bishop. Also, we were shocked when Josh traded the purebred siblings for Nora/his freedom. That's pretty rude, but we don't blame him.
Episode grades: B and B

Tuesday shows:
Glee - On My Way
NOOOOOOO Quinn! Maybe you aren't as sad as we are about Q, but we've always liked her. Even when she acted psycho, she at least had a reason to be a jerk, unlike when Mercedes started acting douche-y this season. Quinn's recent good advice, good decisions, and that moment where she advised both Rachel and Mercedes when they went through their "looks insecurity" phase makes her someone we root for. We can't believe we have to wait until April to find out if Quinn is OK, although we are guessing she ___, because of these set photos. Glee did manage to send an important message about texting while driving, we guess. Glee made us cry this week. Literally. And over KAROFSKY, so, bravo show. We know we have a lot of teen readers and that those years can be hard. (Not that suicide is just for teens) If you ever feel hopeless and hate yourself enough to consider suicide, please call a hotline and/or keep fighting. It really will pass and you don't want to give whatever is trying to tear you down a victory. Getting help and sticking around shows that, while you have your problems and life sucks right now, you're a bad ass and won't go down, ever. In "what the hell?" news, Sue is pregnant and the Finchel wedding was moved to right after Regionals (although Quinn's crash might stop it). Also, New Directions won at Regionals. The third place show choir might have been the funniest thing about this episode. We were disappointed in the Kelly Clarkson song, because the voices just didn't have the same oomph as Kelly's. It was a misfire. Also, Rachel's solo didn't fit her voice at all (the original version of the song is fun though). We feel cheated, but not by the cliffhanger and hour-long anti-suicide PSA. Lots of people thought that stuff was sensational and cheap, but we thought it was nice, shocking, and that it fit the show. They hadn't really ever addressed that topic and honestly, given the characters they have, we're surprised it took them this long.
Episode grade: A

Switched at Birth - The Art of Painting
Regina had her art show and Bay was jealous, but got over it (basically). Emmet is still doing speech therapy, and told Bay he wants to drop out of school because he thinks getting a GED is the same as a high school diploma and he doesn't need any more than that to be a photographer. Bay told Emmet's mom, and she forced Emmet to go back to school. Bay, you did the right thing. Don't let Emmet make you think differently. Also, Daphne found out that the Carlton women's basketball team is going to be cut, so she leaves Buckner to go back to her old school. We're glad, since it didn't really make sense that she could leave in the first place. Side note: we really don't mention this show enough. We're working on rectifying that.
Episode Grade: B

Jane By Design - The Wedding Gown
Donovan Decker designed a wedding dress for "American royalty" that the soon-to-be princess didn't love, so Jeremy, India, Carter, and Jane had to stay late to make a new dress for her. Of course, infallible Jane designs a gorgeous gown, that India takes credit for. While we like that India tried to give Jane credit while showing the dress to Jeremy, we wish she would've just owned up to it when Jane told Jeremy that it was her design. We get it, India sucks and Jane is awesome. Anyway, of course the future princess loves Jane's design (which was based on Jane's mother's gown), but the redesign process caused Jane to miss a date with Billy and Nick. Luckily, it gives the boys time to bond and they become friendly. Honestly, this show isn't great, but Erica Dasher (who plays Jane) is just so, so likeable.
Episode Grade: B

Wednesday shows:
Suburgatory - Fire with Fire
Other than Happy Endings and Cougar Town, this is probably the funniest show that no one is watching. We haven't really looked into the ratings, but no one we know watches Suburgatory. Dallas filed for divorce and is feeling and looking better than ever. This inspires Noah's wife to leave him. He wins her back by pretty much every romantic gesture we can think of. Dalia is still upset at Tessa for "stealing" Scott Strauss so she steals Lisa as a friend. Tessa fights back and steals Kamantha as a friend, and Lisa comes back when she sees Kamantha and Malik doing the Dougie at a school dance. Re-reading this paragraph makes us wonder how this show is actually as funny as it is, because nothing in the recap really stands out. Trust us though, it's laugh out loud funny.
Episode Grade: B+

Thursday shows:
Secret Circle
There was no new episode this week, but we have a question: Why did no one point out to us that Daddy is SULLY from Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman? Yeah, we should have noticed ourselves, but he was covered in beard, had short hair, and has aged a bit. Still. That's important information.

The Office - After Hours
Ryan tries to hit on Erin, but either realizes he's "in love with Kelly" when Erin says something about waiting six months to do it or realizes he doesn't want to wait six months for Erin when he has a sure thing waiting in Scranton. Nellie tries to sleep with Dwight. Kathy tries to sleep with Jim. Dwight preventing hookups might just be the best thing this show has done in a while. Sidenote: Poor Darryl.
Episode Grade: B

Parks and Recreation - Sweet Sixteen
The Ron/Leslie relationship is so darling. Ann and Ron are STILL happening, despite April's best efforts (go April!). It looks like Chris is depressed about that. Jerry's birthday surprise was hilarious when only Ben popped up. We love this show. 
Episode grade: A-

Grey's Anatomy - If Only You Were Lonely
Cristina thinks Owen is cheating and Meredith's VO left us unsure. Either Cristina is crazy, or one of our favorite geek goddesses (Summer Glau) is banging Cristina's husband. If Owen cheats, we will be firmly on team Cristina, forever, rather than our current team, which is "Team Both of You Are Wrong But For Good Reasons." You all know we don't care about the Chief and Adele, but this episode made even us feel bad for them. The stuff with Zola's hair was dumb. Bailey just should have told Derek right away. We loved the peds case. The shrapnel in the guy's chest was disgusting. Overall, this was emotional, funny Grey's at its best. 
Episode grade: A

Movies: We watched Courageous, which is definitely a Christian movie. Why is Christian stuff is so bad usually, in modern times? Religious music, like Handel's Messiah, used to be the most beautiful stuff around. There is some good Christian music, but most of it sounds lame. Christian-themed books, like Dostoevsky's stuff, Dante's Inferno, or Lord of the Rings used to be deep and subtle. Courageous was one of the better Christian films we've seen, and it still wasn't very good. Its worst crime was hammering moral points home in such an overt way that it insulted its audience. The audience should be able to apply ideas to life themselves and pick out the themes, not have it spelled out for them. Most of the acting was bad. The plot was all over the place. The movie was hard to get through, and the heavy-handed dialogue proves that just because something is labeled "Christian" doesn't make it good, unless the message of movies are all that matter to you and you are a Christian. We feel cheated, because the opening scene was cool.  Grade: D 

Books: We read Moon Called by Patricia Briggs, which is the first in a series. The reason we read it was because we saw a reviewer call it "everything the Anita Blake books should be." Now, the Anita Blake books are entertaining reads with a LOT of problems (not the least of which being the main character turning into a super slut and the books having no plots halfway through the series), so a series that fixed those problems appealed to us. The main character of Moon Called, Mercy, can turn into a coyote because of some Native American blood. We were not enthused about this because that's not a very cool power. However, Mercy is a cool girl, even if it took her half a book to grow on us. She's less of a Mary Sue than Anita. Her neighbors are a pack of werewolves, a couple of witches, and a few vampires. We didn't see a lot of the vampires, but what we saw was good and creepy. The book started off entertaining, then it slowed to a crawl just before halfway through. Fortunately, it picked up and got entertaining again in the second half. We started to like the secondary characters and could see them being set up like pieces on what should be an entertaining chess board in subsequent books. There's a nice love triangle shaping up. We're team Adam so far. We're not obsessed with this series yet, but we will read another book. 
Grade: B

OLD SHOW ALERT:
Ern is watching Veronica Mars for the first time. She's 11 episodes in, and it's everything everyone says it is. It has a quick wit and snappy dialogue, Kristen Bell will win you over in at least the first couple of episodes, and you will actually care about the overarching plotlines. Bell plays the titular character, a high school girl who works for her PI dad. The show is so good that Ern doesn't even care when Veronica blatantly breaks laws that even PIs have to follow, as if she can't get in trouble. She's just that cool. This is one of those shows like Firefly and Arrested Development that no one watched (even though it got 3 seasons), but everyone should regret their decision that now that the DVDs are out to binge upon. We hear quality drops in season three, but we will tell you if it's worth watching in that final season. This show is smart, funny, and there is drama to spare. Don't you want to see what The O.C. would be like if it were a Twin Peaks-esque mystery instead of a soap opera? There's a gangster kid named WEEVIL. Weevil love you long time. There are a lot of great guest stars (except for Paris Hilton), including future Oscar nominee Jessica Chastain, Aaron Paul, Schmidt on New Girl (whom Leeard calls "Deputy Leo from Veronica Mars" when she watches New Girl), and Josh on Being Human. We recognize someone new every episode. This is one of Leeard's all-time favorite shows, with good reason. Ern is happy Leeard is making her watch it. Leeard is gloating, since she's been trying FOREVER to get Ern to watch it, and is finally vindicated.
Pilot grade: A-, Credit Where Credit's Due: A, Meet John Smith: B+, The Wrath of Con: A-, You Think You Know Somebody: B+, Return of the Kane: B, The Girl Next Door: B-, Like a Virgin: B+, Drinking the Kool-Aid: B+, An Echolls Family Christmas: A, and Silence of the Lamb: A-

Music:
Ern hates most country music, but has come around to Miranda Lambert due to Miranda's attitude about Chris Brown. Leeard notes, "Duh, Miranda Lambert music is good." Miranda is as not-ok with Brown's comeback as Ern is and said, "Where I come from, it's never OK to hit a woman...that's why my daddy taught me to use a shotgun early on." Amen. While Leeard still enjoys Brown's music, Ern thinks he forfeited the right to be famous and have his art heard when he hit a woman, even if Rihanna forgives him. Miranda held up a sign that said "take notes Chris Brown" during a performance of her song "Gunpowder and Lead." It's about a woman shooting an abusive husband. "I'm gonna show him what little girls are made of/gunpowder and lead." It's a good song, even to the ears of a country hater. Also, Ern has finally gotten the Mumford and Sons CD and it's good, especially the lyrics. Due to the Glee episode, we bought Young and the Giant's CD too. Also good.

There's a Light at the End of this Tunnel, Guys

Good news for those of you addicted to this blog: One of us sees a part in the clouds of schoolwork and anticipates that April-May will be lighter. This means daily posts are an option at that time. Until then, here’s your Monday summary. Yeah, we're behind on a few shows. 

Cougar Town - Ain't Love Strange: This show returned to a series low in the ratings. We were sad about that. It’s due to a tough time slot and no powerhouse lead-in like they had last year. That didn’t stop the show from turning in a premiere in its usual adorable, heartfelt style. We weren't digging Laurie's ankle monitor though. It felt like she would have told the gang the story right away, not in exposition in the episode.  
Episode grade: A-

Revenge - Chaos: Leeard was expecting (and wanting) the body to be Tyler, but Ern was completely surprised. Either way, bravo for the twist. In order to fool us, the show used a body double that looked sort of like Tyler and sort of like Daniel as the body that fell to the beach after being shot. We are really glad Revenge kept Daniel alive. One of us thought the Tyler stuff was getting a little too cheesy and overwrought, especially the scenes where he plotted with Emily. There was so much exposition that we expected him to break out in a cliché villain “muah haha.” Leeard hopes Tanaka doesn't kill Emily and is starting to like her.
Episode grade: A

Glee - Heart: Rachel’s dads were delightful, and we like the new Christian character. Ryan Murphy was jonesing for a Christian character so badly on The Glee Project that he was bound to name a Christian kid the winner. Now that he has his Christian, Ryan will be able to pick the most talented, awesome kids when The Glee Project returns. Yeah, we are still sore about Hanna losing. We also liked Quinn’s talk about Christianity and the Bible. For a crazy, flawed character, Quinn can manage to say sensible things when people need advice. She presented the other side of a common argument well. The show continues to avoid demonizing religious people while it pushes for tolerance of gay people. That’s quite a feat. We liked a lot of the songs and performances. It is eerie that Glee chose to do Whitney Houston’s famous song. The decision was made before Whitney died and the episode aired after Whitney’s death. Glee is psychic. That’s probably why it’s so crazy. We can’t believe we were sad for Karofsky. We are also surprised that Rory isn’t leaving! He was lying about his visa being denied. Does that mean Damian gets to be on the show longer than the few episodes he was promised? Strangely, Rachel Berry’s nighttime routine resembles Ern’s, only Ern’s is possibly more elaborate. Ern doesn’t do the ice thing though. That’s the height of insane, Rachel. 
Episode grade: B+

Glee First Listen Friday - Everything is a little forgettable except Blaine’s song, a cover of “Cough Syrup” by Young and the Giant/The Jakes. It’s a cool song. Blaine’s voice is too autotuned in it, but we still can’t decide if we like his cover or the original better. Rachel was given a song that didn’t fit her voice at all and the results were disappointing. The "Fly"/"I Believe I Can Fly" mash-up was ok. Ern is kind of over "I Believe I Can Fly". Leeard will never be.

The River - Los Ciegos: This show improves in its third week and is turning into a really fun show. A few of the characters got more sympathetic this episode, and there was some good humor. 
Episode grade: A-

Parenthood - Tough Love: Whoa, Julia. Being a paralegal is a hard job. They have to read well, pay attention to detail, and be extremely responsible. We love that Julia thinks Coffee Girl is that smart, but we think that’s a stretch. Fortunately for the legal profession, Coffee Girl did not apply. We love the aspect of Julia’s personality that just won’t let go of this girl, but we are bracing ourselves for a possible sad ending to this story. We can’t believe Amber was caught by Kristina so quickly. Haddie, you little rat! We are even more dismayed that Bob was such a pussy and let Kristina take her. They are both adults and the age disparity isn’t that great! Ugh, Kristina. We felt bad for Seth but not Drew in this episode. For some reason, we think Drew is too old to have this reaction. He has progressed to the age where he needs to work on being happy for his mother, getting along with his potential new stepdad, staying quiet about his feelings, and dealing with real life. Maybe we are being too harsh? Meh. 
Episode grade: B+

The Secret Circle - Return: Cassie's dad shows up at her house!! Then Cassie tells Adam, who says something like, "Then he's really alive?!" We wanted to hit him in the face for dumb ass-ery. It's been apparent for weeks. The audience knew in the pilot. Anyway, this episode was almost as good as last week's. The dad stuff did not disappoint. We're not sure we trust him, but we like him. We liked seeing Faye make out with a guy who wasn't Jake. Also, coma girl woke up. We'll see what that's about. 
Episode grade: A

The Vampire Diaries - All My Children: We have yet another Alaric death fake-out as a cliffhanger. Meredith shoots a gun in his direction. He'll live. He always does. We loved watching resourceful Elena face off against Rebekah, and it was nice to see Damon protecting his brother's returning humanity. Bonnie's mom is a vampire, yawn. Good job for fighting back, Elijah. Don't let this show take you from us again so quickly. This episode was fine, but it wasn't among this show's best. We weren't surprised by anything or particularly touched. 
Episode grade: B

Grey’s Anatomy - Have You Seen Me Lately?: Hey, you know what's awkward and sad? Watching Owen and Cristina in couples counseling. Owen is kind of jealous of Meredith, showing that he misses the point of this show, which is the friendship between Meredith and Cristina, DUH. You have to give them credit for trying with this marriage thing though. Lots of people would throw in the towel and no one would blame them, under these circumstances. Amy comes to Seattle Grace and tries to get her brother, Derek, to do a surgery. They do the surgery in the Private Practice hour (it's a crossover event), but we didn't care enough to watch Private Practice and see how it turned out. If someone else saw it, let us know. The good news this week is that Meredith and Callie might be friends now. Callie is going to help Meredith study after Meredith rocked a case where a man got his hand ground up in a meat grinder. Yuck. 
Episode grade: B

The Office - Tallahassee: The only time we laughed was during Jim's early-morning prank on Dwight. Part of the Scranton branch went down to Florida to design Sabre retail stores. Packer was there too. Dwight got appendicitis. Stanley is acting like this business trip is a month-long paid vacation. That's about it. We miss this show being hilarious.
Episode grade: C

Parks and Recreation - Dave Returns: First of all, Team Ben. Second, we also like Dave. He's so honest. We are still raising our eyebrows at the whole Ann/Ben thing, which is apparently still happening, but it was funny this episode. That song Andy wrote was appropriately hideous. Finally, we have exactly the same reaction to cops as Ben does: we never break the law, because we are terrified of cops. Ern can't even look at them when passing them on the street! 
Episode grade: A-

New Girl - Valentine: We got to see True Blood's Ryan Kwanten guest star as a guy Jess tries to have a one-night stand with. Jess's quest to "get some strange" ends badly. Wait, no, it ends adorable, because it ends with Nick dragging Jess to her bedroom when she contemplates sleeping with Schmidt. She brought an entire (and very large) box of condoms for the occasion. Guess who did sleep with Schmidt? No, not Leeard, even though he is her soulmate. Cece! We can't believe it, guys. This was a funny episode, but we don't really dig the one night stand topic. 
Episode grade: B+

Awake - Pilot: This episode is up on hulu, so you can watch it early, and you should. There isn't much here that wasn't shown in the preview, but we loved what was in the preview, so you can guess what we thought of the whole episode. The main triumph of the pilot is that we already care about the characters. We will be tuning into the second episode when it airs in March. This show reminds us a little of Journeyman, only we care more. Sadly, it seems like just the thing that could be cancelled well before it's time. NBC loves to give us great shows that don't hit it out of the ballpark, ratings-wise. With this show, we just hope there is a satisfying conclusion to what will probably be a short run. 
Episode grade: A

Modern Family - Aunt Mommy: We haven't been mentioning this show in the last couple of weeks, because most episodes are the same. People are saying this show is stuck in a rut and we agree. At least it's a relatively funny rut. However, this episode had some pleasing factors that made it stick out. For once, Cam and Mitchell's plotline didn't involve them having a fight/bickering. We got to see multiple characters drunk. The only thing that could have made this episode better would be if we had gotten to see Luke try to reanimate that dead squirrel. Even though Modern Family refuses to give us something that feels new, it's still a funny show.
Episode grade: B+

Happy Endings - Everybody Loves Grant: One of us watched this episode yesterday when she had a fever and no energy, and this show still managed to pull some chuckles out of the haze that was that day. Dave trying to be "the cool guy" made him the MVP of the night. If you like this show, you probably liked this episode. 
Episode grade: B+

Pan Am - 1964 (and the series as a whole): Well, this show wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but it had a nice little (probably) close to the series. We were left with Kate moving up in the CIA, Laura and Ted are in love (and one of us is so glad we didn't have to see Ted tell her that Amanda is pregnant), Dean and Collette are on the road to reconciliation, and Maggie is by herself. While we can kind of see hints of where the show would go if it's given a second season (Collette's search for her brother, Laura and Ted trying to figure out their relationship, Kate becoming an actual spy, Maggie hopefully dying), we think that 1964 works as a decent series finale. Pan Am was a nice diversion, but we won't miss it too much.
Episode grade: B
Series grade: C

Casting news: The Good Wife didn’t have a new episode this week, but news emerged that Matthew Perry will join the show as a lawyer who is trying to win over Alicia. Alicia and Bing-a-ling? We really don’t see it, but we like the idea of Alicia getting another love interest. Breaking Bad’s Giancarlo Esposito will play a business associate of Pierce’s dead dad on Community. We’re sure it will be perfect and hilarious, like that show always is.

Books - The White Devil: If nothing else, this book will make you deathly afraid of getting TB. The White Devil is a ghost story featuring an American teenager who has to go to a British boarding school. If you are familiar with Lord Byron as a historical figure or as a poet, you will enjoy this book a lot more than your average reader. This book was entertaining, for the most part, there was good writing, and it had some really creepy moments. But it never grabbed us and we will forget about the characters by the next week. 
Book grade: C+

As for movies, we re-watched Warrior, which is the best movie of 2011 that you never saw. Yeah, some of it isn't very original, but it is so intense Ern almost had a panic attack watching it, there's lots of emotion, you care about the characters, and it's never boring. Even if you aren't interested in MMA or fighting as a topic, you should give this one a shot. Grade: A We also saw The Other Woman with Natalie Portman. Despite mixed reviews, we enjoyed it enough that we're glad we watched it. Grade: B- Then, finally, one of us saw The Paper Chase. Like a typical law student, Ern nearly screamed at the end when the main character did what he did (no spoilers here, but if you've seen it, you know what we mean). How could he do that?!! We would NEVER do that. Also, plenty of Ern's law professors are just as bad as Kingsfield, seriously. Grade: B

Blog Update

We've only let the poll go for half a day, but the results are pretty conclusive, haha.

We have decided to post whatever we want, relating to entertainment, on Mondays. There might even be multiple posts, but they will all go up on Monday, so you know when to look for new information. If there's a particularly awesome season finale or something, heck, there may even be a recap.

Thanks for understanding :-)

Goodbye all! (possibly)

After a year and a half of blogging about TV nearly every day, it pains us to say we must stop. As fun as it is, stupid real life is upon us, and we realized something has to go. We are about to graduate and get real jobs and take big tests and stuff. We knew this day would come, but you probably didn't. Sorry about that. 

Anyway. Thanks for reading and happy watching

Updated: Okay, we're considering blogging once or twice a week, incorporating all of the shows we watch/want to comment on in those posts. Vote in the poll or comment, and let us know what you think.

The Voice - Blind Auditions Part 3

Let's get right into the performances.

Sarah Golden - We like when they do the shadowy “what do they look like?!!” thing with the audience. In Sarah’s case, the first question was “is it a man or is it a woman?” We decide it’s a man, and then the man says, “Record labels told me that I needed a different look.” Then we decided it was a woman. Record labels let uggo guys sings all the time. With girls, it’s practically unheard of. Decent voice. Not a favorite though. We like her as a person and her demeanor. We don’t know if her folk voice fit Lady Gaga’s power pop though. We really need to hear her sing something else. We will get to, because she advanced to Team Cee Lo.

Elley Duhe - Spell your child’s name right, people. This girl is 19 and quit HIGH SCHOOL. She did it with her parent’s approval to focus on music, even though she a) does not have Lea Michele’s voice and b) does not look like Britney Spears. Those are the only two things that would make dropping out of high school a good idea. She’s not good enough to do that. Fantastic job, parents. Good range, but an unpleasant tone and pitchy notes killed it. She had a good attitude too. She WAS humble and gracious. Her last note WAS good. But in the end, it was not enough and she was sent home.

Pip - Can we get a last name? Pip wears a bowtie to audition, so we like him already. He’s into musical theater, so that explains the wardrobe. All musical theater people are freaking hipsters. He’s adorable, but his voice might be too Broadway. We’d like to see him sing something besides "House of the Rising Sun". His voice could be good with a song that fit it. Really, after Haley Reinhart did "House of the Rising Sun" on Idol, no one should try it again. That version was unbeatable. All four judges turn around, but Adam ends up with Pip.

Erin Willett - Sob story alert! Dying father. We love her relationship with her father though. We also love her attitude about it. “One day he won’t be here; but today’s not that day.” Great voice, but it’s not very unique. One of us hates the song she picked though ("I Want You Back") and we both don’t think she’ll make it far. We got to see the dad tear up a little in happiness. Is this show trying to kill us? Blake picks her, and we are so happy, especially for the dad.

David Grace - College football player and coach?!! Hot. You know what’s not hot? That facial hair. This guy did a boring rendition of "Sweet Home Alabama", but at least he could play guitar. Blake makes a good point that just because they are country doesn’t mean he is going to pick them. They have to be just as good as the mainstream artists. This guy slid up to his notes too much and that hit the judges the wrong way. We agree and are glad he didn’t get picked.

Katrina Parker - Making us watch the audition invitation delivery was lame. She has a sob story too, and it involves mold. She has a little of that ADELE sound, only she is nowhere near as good as ADELE. She slid up to notes too, but Adam liked that she was “different” and turned his chair around, so she will advance on his team. Cee Lo hit on her. We love you Cee Lo, you weird effer.

Geoff McBride - This 51-year-old seems like a cool guy, but maybe that’s just the sunglasses he has to wear. He also used to kickbox and has his own sob story about his dead dad. Also, he has kids, so double whammy for those at home rooting for people over voices. Still, at this point we were getting sick of the sob stories and were waiting for a powerhouse voice or something we would download. You really can’t beat Erin’s cancer dad tonight. Geoff sings and  doesn’t sound very modern (he’s singing Stevie Wonder, so that might have been a factor), but he can sing. Christina pushed her button first. It was at this point we started to hate when the judges would holler at other judges to push their buttons. They think it’s good, but it’s not their taste, so they try to pawn people off on their co-judges. Stop it. If they are good, push your own button. Cee Lo must have heard us muttering at the TV, because he stopped trying to get Adam to turn around and just pushed his own button. This guy does have great energy, Christina. He goes with Christina.

Erin Martin - This is our second “Erin” of the night. “Erin” is a stupid name, haha. She is fantastically gorgeous and used to model. Even the crazy, awful hair she had didn’t ruin her. We were nervous about this one at first. She said that labels have told her that she needs coaching. Also, someone who has only been singing for two or three years makes us question their ability. With singing, you usually start in your teens or as a child, or you just don’t have it. It’s not a talent that hides itself. She gets picked early by Blake Shelton and Cee Lo who are probably delighted to see her. She has a raspy, Macy Grey thing going, but it’s pleasant, unique, on key, cute, and fit her song ("Hey There Delilah") perfectly. It’s like Macy mixed with Regina Spektor. Cee Lo hit on her. You know, she doesn’t have a great, showstopping voice, but it’s weird enough that we like her. She seems really fun. We kind of think she is lying about only singing for two or three years though. She goes with Team Cee Lo.

James Massone - This guy’s job SUCKS. He's from Boston though, so Leeard loves him already. We get yet another sob story. James’ friends were shot in a recording studio or something. He tells us that “you never know when it’s gonna be your last day.” Thanks for the memo, Oprah. He sounds like Zac Efron or something, and not in a good way. He sounds 12 years old. The judges think that equals cash money with the pre-teens, so three of them turn around. We raised our eyebrows. This guy is borderline bad. This is the first time this season that the judges picked a dud, in our opinions. Talk about pitchy. Talk about whiny. Bleck. He joins Cee Lo’s team. We guess we are happy to see him succeed, because he cried and he’s sort of sweet. He’s 23. Man, that voice is never gonna drop is it? Was this boy castrated?

Winter Rae - Parents, if you name your child Winter, she will end up with short, blue hair, cut in the most unattractive style possible. She will also have tattoos and work in a bowling alley. You have been warned. (If you name your kid “Summer,” the opposite will happen and she will be even more unbearable. Probably a blond, generic cheerleader who is mean to you.) She looks scary but she sings R&B, not rock. She’s friends with Perez Hilton. That’s probably how she got on this show. She is white, but she does not sound white. Her tone is thin. Lea Michele’s version of "Take a Bow" was much better. Winter did not get picked, but at least The Voice got a Perez Hilton guest appearance out of this woman. Adam gives Winter a speech about how they all were once rejected and how she should never give up. Blake tells her that her hair is cool. It’s not, Blake. Crazy hair is only cool if it makes you look better.

Chris Cauley - Sorry, bro, but Bruno Mars has the silkiest voice on "Grenade", and yours just didn’t measure up. His version of "Grenade" was also a little too toned-down. We think the comparison and song choice hurt him in the beginning, but two judges finally realized that the voice was good in itself and pushed their buttons. He joins team Adam, but in order for us to like him, he is going to need to bring us something a little less snooze-inducing. It was nice, but we don’t need someone to sing us to sleep like little snug babies. We need someone to knock our socks off. That still hasn’t happened in this episode.

The judges then pick three people who don’t get a chance to sing their whole songs. This is a blessing, considering one of them was an “M.C.” who sang “Let’s Get it Started.” Christina picked him, because she’s insane.

Jordis Unga - This girl has a Swedish mom and Tongan dad and is probably asked, “What race are you?” on a day-to-day basis. Or she would be, if people were way ruder than they are. She gets the last laugh, because she's great-looking. We liked her emotion and her spot-on Christina Aguilera impression, but we weren’t that impressed. She can certainly holler and the first two lines of the song were pretty. She has a great voice underneath her raspy style. She does squats when she sings, which is interesting. She goes with Blake.

We love when Cee Lo is shown holding his cat. We think everyone does.

Christina Millian, you still exist?

Blake: “Even Christina’s smilin’ and she never smiles.” Christina: “**** you!” Haha

Smash: The Callback recap/review

Bad news, guys. The Smash ratings dropped a LOT for episode two. What is wrong with people? This show is great. It probably won’t appeal to too many straight guys, but every musical-loving girl in America should be watching and are apparently not. Ugh. The show deserves more for writing really decent songs, having a stellar cast, and moving the plot along at 90 miles-per-hours. They already cast Marilyn, for heaven’s sake!

The episode opens with Kat McPhee doing a pretty rendition of “Call Me,” a song that’s not really supposed to be pretty. That song is supposed to be sung with personality, and it’s not really a good song to cover anyway. The song is happening in Karen’s imagination as she performs her waitressing duties, badly. She wishes the audition people would just “call me.” Ugh. The episode gets better guys, don’t worry.

The showrunners are meeting, while Tom’s assistant, Ellis, eavesdrops at the door. Julia still hates him. Tom wants Ivy, because she has the experience, looks like Marilyn, and is a great performer. Also, he’s friends with her. A few of the others like Karen because she is “fresh,” “innocent,” and “feels like Marilyn.”  Karen and Ivy are called back again. Karen has to prove that she can dance, so Derek is teaching her the choreography to a fast-paced number. For some reason, everyone in this episode keeps saying that Karen can dance. This scene makes us question that. Even when she learns the dance properly and does a good job, we are underwhelmed. She doesn’t really move with charisma.

Ivy shows up and sees Karen. Ivy utters a diss veiled as a compliment, and we get the idea that this show is going to start making Ivy a little more unlikeable. We don’t like this, because it’s generic. It was better when we liked Ivy and Karen equally. The show continues to ruin this by having Ivy bang Derek. We hope she had sex with him because she wanted to and because he is good-looking, but we think she did it partly to secure the part of Marilyn. Ivy, you were good enough to get it without that. Karen was bad at reading lines and Ivy can act. We hope the show doesn’t make Ivy into a slutty villain. It comes across like a morality tale.

Julia and her husband, Frank, are told that they have to wait two years to get a child from China. Mr. Julia is upset and says that by the time this kid is 18, he will be 65. He wavers on their decision to adopt. Their teenage son hears the wavering and gets upset. He tells his mom, “Ever since I was little, you told me I’d be getting a little brother or sister. My sister is in China, you said, and we have to go get her. She’s waiting for us. What’s going to happen to her if we don’t get her?” Good point, kid. The kid will still exist even if you are too lazy to acquire her.

When you’ve made the decision to adopt a child, it’s kind of crappy to throw in the towel just because it doesn’t fit perfectly with your perfect rich life and perfect rich timing. JEEZ. These people don’t even have to work! They can just sit at home and work on their adoption process. Most people continue with their lives while they complete this process. That whole thing sort of made us hate Frank a little, even if we still love the Broadway vet who plays him. When you hear him sing, his purpose on the show will be explained, we predict. Still, we laughed pretty hard when Julia acted turned on by him. No way. He looks like a caveman.

Eileen has a nasty run-in with her husband and his freakishly young, blond wife. Eileen wins this week, because Derek decides to do Marilyn with Eileen rather than My Fair Lady with Jerry, who has recently acquired enough money to continue with that show. Soon, it’s time for the final audition. Karen is coming from a hard night, because she missed her boyfriend’s important business dinner in order to spend more time working with Derek. Dev yelled at her. Still, Karen kills her rendition of “20^thCentury Fox Mambo,” dancing and all. Halfway through the number, Karen is transformed into Marilyn. After seeing Ivy pulling it off last week in the baseball number, we are appalled that Karen is even an option. Stop trying to make Karen happen. It isn't going to happen. 

Even dressed up, Karen looks nothing like Marilyn. She can do Norma Jean and all-American innocence, but she’s one of the worst picks for Marilyn Monroe we’ve ever seen. It pains us to say that, because one of us loves Kat McPhee a LOT. She did a good job in the song, but she is clearly not the right choice. The showrunners see that as well and pick Ivy. The way she finds out slightly redeems her character after her actions this week. Ivy sings Crazy Dreams at a cabaret club. It’s a sweet song and Ivy’s voice is great, but this song didn’t really end the episode on a strong note. It was sappy. We get a shot of Karen lying on the couch, looking sad. We know the showrunners aren’t done with her yet. There are other parts in the play and they mentioned that she is “one to watch.”

Thank you, show, for being credible and picking the right girl for the lead. We are surprised and pleased. Oh! One more thing- That letter Julia wrote to the birthmother was just about the greatest thing you could ever write at one of those meetings. That bodes well for the dialogue in Marilyn. We also like that Julia and Tom have decided to make the musical less chronological. We like the theory that they are going to have Karen play Norma Jean (Marilyn before she was famous) and Ivy play Marilyn Monroe in all her glory. You know, the version all the drag queens imitate. It could still happen. None of the songs were amazing this week, but this is still a worthwhile show that we will continue to watch.

Episode grade: B

Pretty Little Liars - Ctrl: A recap/review

Aria meets Vivian’s “friend” in a restaurant. The rest of the Liars watch from an adjacent table. The friend is “Jonah,” a nerd who used to work for a cellphone company. Alison had Jonah try to track down A. Alison vanished before paying Jonah and he was fired from his job. Jonah knows who A is, but won’t tell the girls until they pay him what Alison owed: $2,000.

Meanwhile, A goes after Caleb, hard. Garrett and Detective Wilden seize Caleb’s laptop, which A stuffed with stolen school records. Hanna guesses Caleb’s password (the date they first had sex, which Caleb was cagey about, but which we totally guessed) and remotely deletes all the files on Caleb’s computer while he is being questioned. Caleb gets out and sees Hanna waiting outside the station for him. This recap isn’t doing that plot justice, because it was actually exciting, intense, and super-adorable. We love this couple! This is officially the first couple on this show that we really, truly care about.

Emily wins a swimming competition, and Ashley Marin throws the whole team a party. Maya is threatened by Emily’s dedication to her teammates and is also going through a hard time, because her parents found a joint in her room. Maya tells Emily it’s an old one, but her parents don’t believe her and want to send her back to True North. Emily catches Maya smoking a new doobie and the two fight. Maya tells Emily that she’s going to run away to San Francisco and stay with some friends. Maya invites Emily, who turns Maya down, because Emily is not crazy. Also because Maya is the worst.

Byron gets a note from A (a parent got a note from A!!!) telling him to go to a French, vegan café to find his daughter. Detective Wilden has a photo of the Liars dressed up as candy stripers, standing outside the hospital morgue. Since a page of Alison’s autopsy went missing that day, this doesn’t make the girls look good. Fortunately, Hanna comes up with a quick excuse to tell her mom.

Aria has a good plot this week. She ditches Ezra in order to go with Holden to his secret fight club. This is lucky, because Byron doesn’t catch her and Ezra together. Holden does karate, secretly. His parents don’t want him fighting people, because he was born with an abdominal aortic aneurysm (heart problems). Holden tells Aria that he could die doing anything and that his life will probably be short, so he wants to live it to the fullest. Aria clearly draws a parallel to her relationship with Ezra and ruins the nice sentiment.

Holden does well in the fight, but we scoffed at how much spinning his opponent did in the sparring match. You would never spin around like that in a real sparring match against a trained opponent. It’s douche-y and liable to get you hit in the back of the head. No one does that.

Finally, Spencer (who looked extra-pretty this week) is basically living with Aria and doesn’t want to go home, because her family is full of liars. Jason thinks that Alison was using her knowledge of Jason’s paternity to blackmail. Spencer straight-up asks her father if this is what was going on, and he denies it, convincingly. Spencer tells Jason that he’s wrong. Jason blows up at Spencer, but later accepts the truth. He says that they are always at odds because they have the “same wiring.” It’s sweet. Spencer tells Jason that someone was threatening Ali and that Ali figured out who. Spencer has an idea for how to find out. Spencer asks Jason to trust her…$2,000 worth.

Frankly, this episode had it all. Plot progression, heart, romance, suspense, a fight club, answers, creepers, and Maya probably leaving the show! We will know who A is soon! Until then, if this is filler, it’s the best filler around.

Episode grade: A+

How I Met Your Mother - The Drunk Train recap/review

We think we can all agree that the drunk train portions of the evening were the funniest and that we like Quinn. She is played by that amazing Ugly Betty vet, Becki Newton, whose character on that show always brought the laughs and style. Quinn is the same, only she’s smart too! Yay! We didn’t like the twist at the end, but there were a couple of genuinely funny moments, which is more than last episode had.

The episode started with penis jokes. Always a win with the CBS audience. Ba-dum-ching. Barney tells the group that Ted forced him to spend an evening on a double date, so Ted owes him (Barney suggests participation in a laser tag tournament as repayment). Barney’s date was Quinn, a  girl who would not sleep with Barney. He tried to convince this girl, Quinn, that he had EPS (Enormous Penis Syndrome).

Quinn plays along and Barney thinks it’s going well until Quinn tells him that she’s suffering from her own condition:  I’m Not a Gullible Dumbass Disorder. Nora 2.0 only funnier! Back in the present, Marshall and Lily mention that they have to catch a train back to Long Island before they end up with the last train, which is always full of drunks and sluts. One of us loves late night trains/subways/buses. They're easily the most entertaining.

As soon as Barney hears about this drunk train, he decides Ted should accompany him on a train ride. Lily, Marshall, Kevin, and Robin leave on a Valentine’s weekend couples retreat. Marshall and Lily tell Robin and Kevin that the key to a successful relationship is to never keep score. Of course, Marshall and Lily then spend the whole weekend keeping score and remembering funny/awkward situations where they let each other down and should have owed each other.

We agree with their philosophy that, as long as two people are engaged and trying, you should not keep score in your relationship. This counts with good deeds  as well as mistakes. Just because you clean around the house more, that doesn’t mean the person owes you and picks up the slack. Do stuff because you love someone or want to do it, not because you want to be repaid, because you want to feel self-righteous, or because you are trying to get leverage/rack up points.

Kevin and Robin quickly become annoyed with the other couple and retreat to their hotel room where Kevin proposes. Robin tells Kevin that she needs time to think about it. Kevin agrees to give her that time. Points for not freaking out, Kev. Robin tells Lily and Marshall that she’s been keeping something from Kevin. Is she going to tell Kev that she cheated on him with Barney?!!! No, because Robin is, apparently, a complete jerk. Her worry is that Kevin doesn’t know she’s infertile. Umm, we think the cheating thing needs to come out before you marry the guy, Robin, but that’s just us.

Robin tells Kevin she can’t have children and he proposes again. She accepts and they hug. Later though, Kevin suggests adoption and Robin makes it clear that she doesn’t even want children. In yet another conversation, Robin tells Kevin that if he marries her, he needs to be 100% sure that he is ok with never having kids. Kevin un-proposes. Poor Robin, but we’re not really sad about this relationship ending. Kevin never totally fit in and the cheating killed it. We’ve both shipped Barney/Robin, but that might have ended in this episode….

Because, meanwhile, Ted and Barney are riding the drunk train. Their first attempt goes badly. They first fall asleep and then have no luck with the sluts, who keep yelling, “You think you’re betta than me?!” and throwing their drinks on the men. Barney sadly recalls how Quinn summarized his life and then gutted it during the double date. She told him that he usually ends up going to strip clubs, where he is lonely, he always wears a suit, and he is trying to convince himself that his sad life is “legendary.” Barney asks her if she practices the dark arts. No, she’s just made of awesome.

Ted is fed up with his long, unfortunate search for The One. We are too, Ted. We’ve been along for the whole ride and suffered through all the red herrings as well. The next day, Ted and Barney realize that they need to be drunk to enjoy the drunk train. DUH. This works and they nearly pick up two sluts. They don’t take them home though. Barney can’t stop thinking about Quinn. Quinn turns out to be a stripper at Barney’s favorite club. Whoa! Did not see that coming. This girl has layers. How many smart strippers have ever been on TV? The best part? Barney doesn't know Quinn is a stripper yet.

Ted returns to find Robin and listens to her spill about Kevin. Ted tells Robin that missing out on kids wouldn’t matter to him (UM, you have kids in the future, Ted, not that you know that yet), and then he tells Robin that he loves her. Are you serious, show?!! You’re doing this to us AGAIN? If so, the show had better give us something original in order for us to have a reason to a watch a relationship we’ve a) already seen, b) don’t care about, and c) know won’t work out. Love for Becki Newton has made one of us stop hoping Barney and Robin stop being morons and love each other. One of us hopes Quinn is his bride.

Episode grade: B-

Happy Valentine's Day!

Shameless - Can I Have a Mother? Recap/Review

This episode marks the return of Frank’s mother, Peggy Gallagher, and she seems to be a worse parent even than Frank. Oh, don’t worry. This episode doesn’t excuse Frank’s behavior or make you feel sorry for the man. He’s still hilariously despicable and worth laughing at. But we do get to see why Frank is the way he is. So…Peggy. Well, she used to run a meth lab until it blew up and killed people. She spent twelve years in prison and was released early because the government decided she was going to die soon anyway. She has the mouth of a sailor, the racism of lots of grandparents these days, and makes it no secret that she dislikes Frank. When Frank tries to tell Peggy how his kids are doing, Peggy says the topic does not interest her.

Frank spends the episode trying to convince Sheila to put him in charge of Eddy’s trust. Sheila refuses, because Frank is an alcoholic who wets her bed. Frank’s mother pays Sheila a visit with Frank. While Sheila is her usually sweet-but-batty self, Peggy yells that Frank made a bad choice in choosing to bone Sheila. “I’d rather nail a hooker down on Wacker.” Frank does not defend Sheila, who yells for Peggy to get out. Peggy pays a visit to a plastic surgeon who used to cook meth with Sheila. He has some of the meth money.

Sheila threatens the plastic surgeon with the possibility of revealing his past to his family. When the doctor refuses to give her the meth money, Peggy tracks down the doctor’s little girls in order to kidnap them. Frank goes to the doctor to warn him, and the doctor gives Frank money, but it’s a lot less than Peggy wanted. Frank goes to Peggy with the money and she is angry that it is so little. Peggy deduces that Frank kept some of the cash, so she sticks a screwdriver in Frank’s leg and makes him cough it up.

Meanwhile, Fiona finds out that Steve married the little South American tart he hauled home with him. Fiona and Steve go on a double date with said tart and Adam. Steve explains to Fiona that his marriage is just for immigration purposes and to appease a South American druglord he offended: the girl’s father. Steve and Fiona fool around in the restaurant bathroom. Adam is no dummy and realizes what they have done when they come back to the table. He dumps Fiona and leaves, telling her that he had never explained that while on a date with him, he did not like other girls to have sex with other men in the bathroom. With a  Gallagher, he really should have made that clearer. Poor guy.

Sheila throws Karen and Jody a wedding reception. Lip shows up, drunk and uninvited. He and Ian are still on the outs, by the way. It looks like Karen momentarily reconsiders her decision to be with Jody, half-jokingly suggesting to Lip that they run away together or something. Lip tells Karen that he wants her to get an abortion and she slaps him. Sheila gets drunk and gives a horrible toast where she mentions Karen sleeping with Frank. Peggy and Sheila get into a fight which ends with Peggy whipping out a handgun. Steve (yes, everyone is at this party) grabs the gun in time to stop anyone from getting hurt. Frank calls the cops on his mother, but Officer Tony waves them away when they arrive. Peggy is in the clear.

That night, while his mother sleeps, Frank points a gun at her head, and we actually wonder if he will pull the trigger. He does not. The next morning, Debbie tells Fiona that Steve’s real name is Jimmy and that his parents live on Lake Shore and think he’s in school. Fiona leaves him a message telling him what to go do to himself (it starts with the letter “f”) and refers to him as Jimmy in the voicemail. Peggy decides to be nice to her grandkids and gives them presents. Fiona gets $500 and a near apology from her grandmother for sucking as a relative. Is this the silver lining to a cloudy character or does Peggy have an ulterior motive?

Ethel hears the news of Clyde’s murder from her sister-wives. These women come, all dressed in black like Amish ringwraiths, and tell Ethel that they have hired attorneys to help get Ethel back to their creepy compound. Kev does not like these women, even though Ethel sees them as her family. Ethel hears Kev badmouthing the women to V, calling them “evil,” and is upset. Ethel tells Malik that if she goes back to the compound, she could marry Clyde’s brother, who is much younger than Clyde was. Around 60! Oh man. Malik tells Ethel that she has to think of her child and focus on being independent.

Ethel packs her bags and Kev goes to check on her. Ethel hides her bag and Kev tells Ethel that he is here if she needs to talk. Ethel thanks Kev “for everything” with tears in her eyes. That was super-sweet, but COME ON Kev, clue in! Kev does not intuit that Ethel is leaving. Ethel is gone the next morning and leaves a goodbye note. V and Kev see that Ethel left with his pot stash that he buried in his backyard. Ethel gives the pot stash to Malik, who sells it. Ethel and Malik are running away together with the money! This is so sweet and one of the least messed-up things to ever happen on this show. For Ethel, this is such a healthy decision.

Back at Shelia’s, a letter arrives saying that Eddy left all his money to Karen. Sheila is happy that Eddy was able to express love to his daughter before he died. Frank has a meltdown and yells at Jody for being so lucky as to stumble into the reward, when Frank has been doing overtime sleeping with and coddling Sheila. Sheila finally gets it. She asks Frank to leave. Wow, Frank. A plane falls from the sky and does all your work for you with this woman, and you ruin it with your big mouth? Wow. He goes home and yells at Peggy, trying to oust her from his house. She is unfazed. Fiona and Frank share a beer on the porch. Fiona says, comfortingly, “My parents suck too.” Franks shares a bed with Carl in the van. He wets the bed. Carl complains and Frank says, “Find a dry spot.” Oh, this show.

Steve, why are you so complicated? Ian, why are you still mad at Lip for trying to help you? Lip, why were you mean to Karen? Frank, why did you ruin your own life? Peggy, why won't you leave? Kev, when are you going to have your own kid? Clyde, are you enjoying hell (we hope not, you slimy bastard)? Fiona, NO MORE MARRIED GUYS. Funny and twisted episode, as usual. For once, it wasn't too overstuffed with plots either. 

Episode grade: A-

Once Upon a Time - Skin Deep

Whoa. That’s two underwhelming episodes in a row, show. Sure, there were some great moments, especially near the end with Regina and Gold’s talk, but the rest of this episode was awkward.

Fairytale world: Rumpelstiltskin was apparently the beast in Beauty and the Beast. When Belle’s town is threatened by Ogres, Rumpy makes a deal with Belle’s father, Maurice. If Rumpy can have Belle, he will save the town. Maurice says no, but Belle says yes. Belle becomes Rumpy’s housekeeper who has to sleep in his dungeon. Yeah, his house has a dungeon. We really shouldn’t be surprised. Belle drops a teacup and it chips. It’s Chip. Chip does not come to life and start singing, sadly enough.

The two develop feelings for each other, and Belle just must be the most compassionate person on Earth, because we don’t see how she fell in love with Rumpy. Since it wasn’t well-developed, it just came across as weird and a little messed-up that Belle would fall in love with a guy who is such a jerk to her. Rihanna? Is that you? Well, Rumpy didn’t hit her at least. He did catch her when she fell off a ladder. Still. Stockholm Syndrome is not true love. Rumpy decides to let her go. He sends her to town to get straw, not expecting her to return. If she returns, he promises to tell her the story we saw a few weeks ago of how he lost his son and got all evil.

Belle walks away from his house and meets the Evil Queen on the road. Offff course she does. The Evil Queen tells Belle that evil curses (like the one Rumpy is under) can be broken by true love’s kiss. This sounds nice, but we knew it would go wrong, because the idea came from the Evil Queen. Belle returns to Rumpy with straw, determined to break the curse. She kisses him and it starts to work, but Rumpy freaks out. He thinks she is in league with the queen to take his power and can’t really love him. Rumpy is mean to Belle, trashes his place, and then throws Belle out of his castle. Belle calls him a coward for not being able to believe that someone could love him. These lines almost worked and sucked us into the tragic love story the show was trying to write. However, context ruined the lines.

Later, the Evil Queen visits Rumpy and tells him Belle killed herself after being rejected by her father and locked in a tower. Where there were clergy with whips. Huh? Like a moron, Rumpy believes her. We are almost 100% sure that Belle is still alive, because she is alive in Storybrooke. Regina has her locked in a padded room, hidden in the local hospital. She looks all crazy and sad. Belle was played by Emelie De Ravin, who was better on LOST. Also, her accent didn’t match everyone else’s on this show.

In our world, Maurice is a florist named Moe French. He owes a debt to Mr. Gold, so Gold takes his flower delivery van on Valentine’s Day. That’s gonna hurt business, and Mr. Gold's chances of getting his money back. In revenge, Moe robs Mr. Gold’s place. Emma finds the stuff, but Rumpy says she didn’t find everything. He goes all vigilante, despite Emma’s warnings to leave it to her. Rumpy finds Moe, kidnaps him, beats him with his cane, and questions him, dropping weird hints about why he’s really mad. Emma shows up in time and arrests Gold. Moe is taken to the hospital.

Regina brings Henry to Emma’s office and offers Emma 30 minutes to have ice cream with her son. Regina wants a word alone with Gold. Regina admits that she put Moe up to steal from Gold. She has the missing item and will return it to him in return for his real name. Gold pretends not to know what she is talking about, but finally coughs up “Rumpelstiltskin.” Hmmm, so he knows that he used to live in another world. Not a surprise. Regina gives Gold the cup. In B plot, Sean proposes to Ashley (Cinderella, who we barely remember) at her girls’ night out with Mary Margaret and Ruby (Red Riding Hood). Mary Margaret grows dissatisfied with her wrong, secret relationship with David.

We liked the darker, creepier moments of this show, and Gold’s twistedness. The Gaston thing was funny. This show needs to skew dark, but its characters need to act in ways that actual humans would act. Last time, we got a king with mixed motives and weird, slightly despicable decisions. Here, we have a love story we didn’t buy, even though we love the Beauty and the Beast story. LAZY. This was a missed opportunity, overall, but it was a little better than last week.

Episode grade: C+

Southland - Identity

Lydia is pregnant and she’s keeping the baby!  We don’t know about this, y’all. So far, it’s touching, but we’re not usually a fan of taking the main female character on a show and impregnating her. It makes stories screech to a halt. The father is yet unknown, but we bet it’s whoever Lydia called at the end of last week’s episode. We know. That tells you nothing. Tang advises Lydia to keep the pregnancy a secret as long as possible so the station doesn’t put her on desk duty.

Lydia is called to investigate the murder of a real estate agent, Brian Monroe. She finds out that Monroe let workers stay upstairs in his house for free. Lydia meets a worker, Melanie, and her daughter, Nicole. Nicole starts fighting with another worker and that worker audibly accuses Nicole of Monroe’s murder. Melanie steps in and confesses to the murder, obviously to save her teenage daughter. Lydia questions Melanie back at the station and finds out that Monroe and Nicole were sleeping together. Melanie and Nicole were living behind a 7-11 when Monroe took them in.

Melanie says that Nicole has always been a troubled child. Nicole has personality disorders as well as ADHD. Nicole’s behavior and the effort it takes to care for her cost Melanie jobs and apartments, but Melanie simply sees all this as a test from God and loves her daughter. It’s really sweet. Meanwhile, Nicole has run away and is on the streets. After evidence leads back to Nicole, Lydia finds and chases her through the street. Nicole cuts Lydia’s arm with a knife, jumps into a truck and tries to drive it away. Nicole hits a squad car that was blocking her exit, and Ruben shoots Nicole in the shoulder.

Nicole cries, saying that she ruined everything, as Lydia arrests her. Weirdly, even though this girl is clearly crazy, we felt bad for her. At the hospital, Nicole confesses to the murder, saying that she caught Monroe sleeping with another worker. Nicole is afraid her mother hates her, says she wants to die, and says that she doesn’t matter. Lydia assures Nicole that her mother loves her and her face lights up when Nicole comes up in conversation. The worker who slept with Monroe tells Lydia that when she has kids, they will be lucky. It’s a nice moment, but that worker is still a ho.

An off-duty Ben chases a guy away from his female neighbor after he sees the guy giving her a hard time. The woman thanks him and a police car pulls up. Ben tells the cops that everything is alright and they leave. The woman says that she hates cops and asks Ben if he heard about the cop who hit a girl for no reason. Ben looks uncomfortable and says, “That’s messed up.” Ben goes to a crime scene and stands with his partner over the dead body of Lupe, a victim who was well-liked in his area. They find the killer later. Sammy tries again to get Ben to move to his neighborhood. We also find out that Tammy has custody of the baby. Ugh.

Next, Ben and Sammy chase a purse snatcher. Sudden movement causes Sammy to pull his gun and shoot. He accidentally shoots a dog. This saddens us greatly. We hate when dogs are hurt or killed on TV and in movies. One of the things we liked about LOST is that they never killed the dog. Ben arrests the suspect while Sammy applies pressure to the dog’s bleeding wound. Sammy yells at the suspect for causing a dog to be shot. Sammy trades two Lakers tickets to get the dog a ride to the animal clinic. Sammy finds out that the dog needs surgery and it will cost $1,300. Sammy is willing to pay when the dog’s owners cannot, and everyone thinks he’s crazy. Watching the other cops make fun of Sammy (especially the card) was great. We also liked seeing Sammy not be a dick for once this season.

Sammy and Ben are called to a community pool where an Asian woman is threatening a man with a knife. She drops the knife when the police tell her too, maintaining that she can kill the guy with her bare hands. Ben notices a little girl floating face-down in the pool, jumps in, grabs the girl, and revives her. We’re not super-sure what happened there. Did the girl nearly drown because everyone was distracted by the fight? Was the fight over the girl? Either way, we like seeing Ben saving children rather than punching them, haha.

Cooper and Tang are asked to remove a homeless man from private property. The man, Tom Smith, is a mentally ill ex-marine who did not have an I.D. and so could not re-enter homeless housing. Tang wants to get Tom an I.D. so that he can go back to this shelter. Tang spends most of the episode on her cell phone trying to get help for Tom, while her partner deals with the other police situations of the day. Even a mangled body, completely dismembered from being hit by a train, cannot distract Tang from her mission to help Tom. There’s some black humor there.

Tang walks around the scene of that crime, screaming into her phone at whatever incompetent person has the nerve to not care about a veteran. We’re pretty sure everyone was won over by Tang in this scene, if there were any hold-outs. We’ve been fans from the start. Tang tells Cooper that her father was a marine. Cooper asks if Tang is going to rescue every marine they come across, which reminds one of us of one of her favorite episodes of The West Wing ("In Excelsis Deo", in case anyone cares). Tang replies, “Never leave a man behind.” Tom’s mental illness  and other obstacles get in the way of Tang’s plan to save him, however, and the two cops are forced to simply move Tom down the street, away from the private property.

This episode was really sad, but it hit all the right notes. This was a strong outing, but we want Cooper and Ben to make up and love each other again.

Episode grade: B+

Justified - The Devil You Know

We feel like this season so far has been more of an ensemble show than a show about our favorite rule-bending, wisecracking cowboy. It seems like all the criminals get way more screen time than Raylan, and we are not liking it. What we do get of Raylan this week was good, but we want more. Watching the mostly idiotic baddies bicker is getting old. We like Limehouse though.

Neal McDonough gets Devil on his side, and Devil tries to get Johnny to turn on Boyd with him. Johnny doesn’t take this deal and ends up shooting Devil in the chest in front of Boyd. Good. One less bad guy to take screen time away from our Hillbilly Whisperer. We did get to see Raylan visit Loretta. He got no information about the Mags money from her though.

Dickey and Dewey escape from prison, and this is pretty funny. Dickie arranges to get the Mags money from Limehouse for Ash. Raylan and Rachel block the way to Limehouse’s area of town so that no drug money can get in or out. Raylan tracks Dickie to a safe house, where he sees Ash in the street. Ash tries to pull his gun and Raylan runs Ash over with his car, twice. Raylan gets on out of the car, questions Ash, and calls an ambulance, all the while teasing Ash. We want more Raylan teasing people!

Ash’s men take Dickie to the Bennett general store where they are not very nice to him. Limehouse saves Dickie, but Dickie finds out that Mag’s money is only $46,000 rather than three million. Dickie refuses the money and tells Limehouse to take it back and increase it. Limehouse agrees in order to honor his original deal with Mags.

We ship Rachel and Limehouse. Not because they are both black, duh. Because they have clear chemistry. This episode was a little slow, despite all the happenings. Again, we chalk it up to the show switching its focus from Raylan to the ne’er-do-wells of the area. We like that Neal is a little scary, Boyd is a little crazy/a little awesome, and Limehouse has a definite good side. But the others can go pound sand. The focus on the villains' set-up may be good for the season overall though. While for one or a few episodes, it tries our patience, we admit it will make things so much better to watch when Raylan takes everyone down.

Episode grade: B-

This week, Happy Endings is great, The Office is ok, and Ringer forces us to drop it by sucking

Happy Endings - The St. Valentine’s Day Maxssacre

This was probably Alex’s finest episode. She was hilarious getting mistaken for a stripper, staying optimistic about love, and reciting all those historical facts about Saint Valentine’s grisly death. They ripped him tip to taint. We weren’t into Dave’s story, especially when it capped off with him missing a threesome. We are getting sick of the whole threesome trope. We did like his middle school email address. threesomechaser@pulaskimiddleschool.org. Very funny. Brad went to the dentist and got a little too much happy juice. He spent Valentine’s night high, drooling, covered in chocolate, and full of really amusing things to say. He also compared the gang to their respective Friends characters. Comical. Penny gets dumped by a guy she wanted to dump, but she felt like it would be kind to not dump him in the “break-up window.” That’s when a holiday or big personal event crops up and it would be cruel to dump someone. Max finds his ex, Grant, and the two share a kiss. Grant is played by the lead of that really good cancelled show, Lone Star. This episode had so many laughs that we are glad we’re not doing a full recap of it. We’re running out of synonyms for “funny.” It was so droll, you guys.

Episode grade: A

Ringer - What Are You Doing Here, Ho-Bag?

We officially do not care about this show anymore or anyone in it. It moves at a glacial pace. The reveals are not shocking. We don’t care about the characters. The episode titles are immature and try too hard to be clever at the same time. The show doesn’t know if its audience is composed of stupid adults or of teenagers who enjoy watching mostly adults. The episodes are too long. We have six other shows that we watch on Tuesday nights. Its situations are implausible and character motivations are unclear. The show is not entertaining to us. For a while, it seemed to get better, but the long break took its toll on our ability to remember this show was even on. The two episodes, including this one, after the hiatus have only served to bore us to tears. We have much better things to watch and not a whole lot of time, especially since we started posting more and doing longer reviews. We may tune in for the finale, just to see the conclusion of this mess. Better luck next time, SMG and The CW.

Episode grade: F because it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

The Office - Special Project

The single best scene of this episode was when Dwight was in the conference room, teaching his new team about Florida. It had great small jokes, especially if you are familiar with Florida. We are. Yes, there are too many mosquitoes. This episode was just ok, but it set up some things that will likely pay off later in the season. Like Kathy being after Jim, sexually. What a whooooooore. We know Jim won’t cheat on Pam, but it will be fun to watch Kathy try to get him, only to fail and then get fired. Also, it will be fun to see Dwight and his team in Florida. Lots of people think Dwight plots are weak, but we can’t get enough Dwight. On The Office anyway. We are still unsure about the Dwight spinoff they are considering.

Episode grade: B-