Last Resort, previous two weeks

Eight Bells- Cortez is awesome. We can't believe she did that to save her buddy. That would be so hard. Was it right? Nothing about that situation was right. But wow. Hopefully it was just a beej. Anyway, there are lots of cool, competent women on this show. This episode felt like the show stalling and trying to fit an episode. Yeah, they had to get their captured men back, but the on-island action was about a mission that has little to do with the main plot.

Sometimes the submarine stuff gets boring. It's all action, but most of the time you can't see the action. They are just sitting there, looking tense and talking about the action that's happening. Apparently, they aren't writing the submarine portions accurately either. Everyone who has actually been on one in the military is scoffing and wishing this show would hire a better consultant. We don't care at all, because we know nothing about navy subs and we never will. It's entertaining. Sub moves. Sub shakes. Sub fires. That's all we care about.

The navy seal isn't stupid. We liked that he knew right away that Tani had brought him along with her just to tick off her father. Hopefully all the sweet facial expressions between Sam and the French woman and the background music were more about how nice it is that she's helping them and less about how they might have romantic chemistry. We like Sam's wife, and we won't be able to tolerate it if he cheats on her. Poor Red. We get why Josh felt like he should save Cortez though. It makes things more interesting that they killed one. Tragedy can help an otherwise blah episode.
Episode grade: B

Voluntold- Josh has a lot of trouble handling Red's death. We liked the way that subplot turned out, but this show is creeping along at a snail's pace. Sure, it's still entertaining and we are getting to know the characters. We loved Christine's freakout at the reporters. The stuff between Sophie and Julian was good and added an extra layer of conflict. Kylie's going to have to go against her dad. We really like her. We like Cortez even more after this week. Tani and the navy seal need to just bone already.
Episode grade: B-

Grey's Anatomy makes us chuckle again, Scandal tricks us, and Parks and Rec still needs to get everyone back to Pawnee

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Grey's Anatomy- Love the One You're With
Finally, there was a little levity this season. Funny lines in the first half included, "When Hunt appeared to you, was he glowing at all?" Also, the Callie/Alex conversation: "Stop sleeping with your coworkers, it ruins them." "I slept with you." "And now I no longer sleep with men." Then Avery and Meredith won all the comedy awards with their talk about how the chief banged both their moms. This is the Grey's we love. April looks prettier this year. We are ready to like her. Hopefully the show will let us by not making her painfully annoying this year. Aaaand then, right after we type that, April says she's going to be re-virginized. THAT'S NOT A THING. Bone that stupidity out of her, Avery. We don't know about the show having a legal aspect now that they didn't take the settlement. It could be interesting and dramatic though.

This is not Arizona! Bring her real personality back. We liked that Callie's patient made her realize that Arizona needed Callie to be the bad guy, so Callie stood up to her wife. We feel like this storyline is unbelievable as far as the way it's handling Arizona's reaction to losing her leg. This is how Derek, Cristina, and other morose characters would handle this, not Arizona, right? We like Callie's patient's nasty leg. We also like that the new intern is being developed more. For a while, it seemed like cool Bailey was back, but then she started whining about her personal life and lack of life challenges. Maybe it will lead to actual good storylines for her though. We loved the sticky notes. All Cristina needed to smile and bond with her co-workers was Mr. Feeny. Awww. We love him.
Episode grade: A-

Scandal- Hunting Season
Abby and David hooked up! Finally, she's good for something other than being self-righteous. The idea of the government watching us through our laptops is so creepy. You know what they would see a lot of from American citizens, especially guys? Hint: Porn. Okay, we'll just tell you. Masturbation. That's right, teenage boys, Obama is watching you gander and 'bate. The president was a little Edward Cullen-y in this episode, and we didn't like it. Forceful, jealous, possessive, and irrational. We're glad Olivia told him where to stick it. (We're dirty birds today, aren't we?) Artie fooled us as much as he did the Pope team. Mellie is a Disney villain. Blow you away? Ha. We get it show, we're supposed to root for Olivia because Fitz's wife is a politically ambitious shrew. They don't need to go that far with it. We're glad the show has kept the Disney Channel intern of David's around. She's funny. Here's hoping she passes the bar next time she takes it.
Episode grade: B-

Parks and Recreation- Sex Education
"Perd-verts" was a good joke. We think the religious fundamentalist couple is pretty funny too. Kind of cliche to have the husband be a closeted gay, but it's a cliche because the joke works. Though it kind of implies that in order for a man to wait until marriage to have sex, he has to be gay, and that's not true. We couldn't laugh at Tom's plotline too much because we're pretty much just like him as far as tech use goes. April is the best thing about the DC plotline. The plotline that needs to end, now. This episode was better than the premiere, but it wasn't season 2-4 material, and it wasn't better than last week.
Episode grade: B+

The Vampire Diaries- Memorial

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Now THAT'S more like it! People have been moaning that Elena becoming a vampire is "just like Twilight." Whatever. Not really. Stefan teaching Elena in the woods reminded us of Twilight kind of, but then they started getting it on. Then Elena vomited. We last saw the actress playing April Young in the Nine Lives of Chloe King. Her nose looks fake (we could be wrong though). For the record, we prefer big noses or noses with character to the sawed-off Michael Jackson models. And for the record, Kim Kardashian was prettier before she had all her work done too. Now she just looks plastic. It's icky.

That blood sharing between Elena and Damon was hot. That's the first time that's ever been hot to us. This show does that well. When Elena sucked on Matt's neck, that was hot too. We liked Elena vomiting up blood. Gnarly. She's not doing as well as Caroline. Is that because Caroline had many blood bags and a whole human to start off? Or is there something weird about Elena being a doppelganger? Stefan looks like he's related to a Romney. (Did you know Mitt is Romney's middle name? HIS FIRST NAME IS WILLARD. Ern did not know that. God, that's even worse than "Mitt.")

This episode was Original free! Good, we needed a break from them. The show made a great move bringing in new baddies. Last episode, we had Pastor Young. Now we have Jordan Connor, a capable vampire slayer. Sure, he hasn't slayed any vamps yet, but it's only a matter of time. He seems good at it. The best thing about this episode was sassy Damon. He was right where we like him. Rebellious without being homicidal, pragmatic, and hilarious. The joke where he crossed himself and his refusal to shake Jordan's hand were great. This is exactly how we like Damon. If he always acted like this, we'd both ship Delena.

We're glad Matt got something to do in this episode, especially since it might help him with his guilt problem. We wouldn't mind seeing Elena go back to him for a couple of weeks, since she's all confused. It would make sense since she'd be trying to cling to a bit of her humanity. When Caroline helped Elena heal April, we got chills. We were already proud of who Caroline has become, but that just hammered it home even more. The memorial scene was intense and so much fun. That's the kind of action we like. It's also good to bring in a new, female human character.

We teared up at the end, especially when we saw Alaric. Then the show ruined it by having Alaric talk. Dumb. Does that mean he wasn't jut a figment of Damon's imagination? We liked that Damon is bummed that Elena is going to be a killer just like the rest of all vampires. This conflict on how to handle Elena's transition is really working. This show needs to cool it with the cheesy endings though. That's the last time we want to hear about Bonnie's Gram grief. It was forever ago. Jeremy, nice job mentioning Anna and Vicki before you mention Jenna.

Overall, a win for the show and a sign that it hasn't lost its bloody goodness.
Episode grade: A-

Supernatural, Modern Family, Arrow, and Nashville

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Modern Family- The Butler's Escape
Any episode with a heavy focus on Luke is usually good, but the kid seemed off his game last night. The kid's acting needs to improve. Even Lily delivered her lines more convincingly this week. Cam and Mitchell only fought a little! Jay, Gloria, and Manny's story wasn't as forgettable as usual this week. We hope Alex's meanness doesn't resurface. We like that character as she was. Hayley had a good joke. ("Where did you get that? Forever 1921?") Retro is back in, Hayley. The funniest scene was when Cameron was teaching music at the middle school. We need to see more of that. We laughed aloud when the goth girl slow clapped at the end. Those were the sole big laughs, but this episode wasn't annoying or anything.
Episode grade: B-

Arrow- Honor Thy Father
First half? Snore. It was annoying when Laurel ran into Oliver's arms after they were attacked. Total damsel behavior. Please let this show NOT become a procedural where Oliver threatens a different rich guy every week and uses his stupid Arrow technology to bring the DA's office down on them. Yawn. It's so stupid that anyone would want Oliver in charge of a company, because his two sides are 1) crazy, damaged island boy and 2) drunken party animal with no honor. But yeah, give him authority! The good news is that the show is continuing to show us things that happened on the island. Eventually, we're gonna need the full story to believe it. Also, the yacht was sabotaged. Dun dun dunnnn. The show is still fun, but this episode wasn't as good as last week's. Also, we hate Oliver's little sister.
Episode grade: B

Supernatural- Heartache
It was time for a monster-of-the-week episode, because it's not like the main plot with the prophet and Crowley were as gripping as, say, the apocalypse. We haven't had a procedural week yet this season, so it was welcome. The case turned out interesting, and the interaction with the brothers was good. It was also funny that Dean bought an app. Randa was a decently cool villain and pretty in a different sort of way than we're used to seeing on TV. We like when this show brings up ancient gods. We love that Sam is the sports fan and Dean is the soapy shows fan. We got bored toward the middle of the episode (but that's usual with this show). We wouldn't mind if Sam settled down to have a normal life, occasionally guest starring, leaving Dean to team up with Castiel as a replacement. That would be a much funnier, sexier show. Start writing letters.
Episode grade: B-

Nashville- I Can't Help It (If I'm Still In Love With You)
Scarlett's little Minnie Mouse voice is making us root against her a little. Is that bad? After much mooning and whining, Scarlett and Gunner are a team. It's hard to get invested in the Deacon/Rayna romance, since she's married (to a weak wet blanket, but still) and Deacon bones fetuses. Eleven years is a long time to date someone though. Maybe the show would be better if so much of the plot for the two women wasn't focused on Deacon. This episode wasn't as good as last week's. Not much happened that didn't essentially happen in the pilot. We liked seeing Rayna and Deacon jam at the Bluebird, even if she's only an okay singer and the song wasn't as good as some of the other songs on the show. It's weird to see Juliette doing her stuff and not think of Taylor Swift, even though Swift seems a lot happier than Juliette.  
Episode grade: B

American Horror Story- Welcome to Briarcliff

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Oh Lord, this show. To its credit, it's a lot scarier this year. It didn't completely blow its wad immediately either. One of the things we complained about last year was the constant shock factor with no build-up. Each week was a tiny homage that just threw horror at us. That isn't frightening. This year, there seems to be more focus on the overall story. They do show a lot of things right away, but they seem to have saved a few things for later in the season. Shockingly, the aliens are scary so far. And Ryan Murphy didn't even show them to us yet! They probe too. ICK. 

Adam Levine did a good job. Chloe Sevigny is our favorite so far. As for Sister Jude, we don't get her. She's just mean. The religious conviction doesn't make her behavior justifications believable. There's something undeveloped about it. Hopefully that gets fixed. Lange does a good job and the sexual desires are understandable. Once again, there are very few sympathetic characters on this show, but there are more than there were last year. So far, one of them seems to be the priest, Howard. Others include Lana, the gay reporter who was committed, and Grace. 

We were so sad for Lana when her girlfriend betrayed her. It's always nice to see Clea DuVall though. Dr. Arden is creepy. The show is still bringing the kink, and it wouldn't be AHS without that sexuality, hate it or love it. One criticism we have is that the show jumped around too much. It was a little too packed, rushed, and all over the place. It's hard to accept so much weirdness, but that much weirdness at once? You have to draw things out a little if you want to scare people.

The change of setting and new monsters turned out to be great ideas. The show is also less depressing than last year. The tone is a little more enjoyable, there's no bummer of a crumbling marriage, and there's a little more humor. Okay, it's very very very black humor, but still. Overall, this was a good start to what might be a better season than last year's perfectly entertaining one. If this season can scare us where the last one didn't, it will be a triumph. Because no, last year wasn't scary. It was just weird and disgusting and a guilty pleasure.
Episode grade: B+

Shadow and Bone review

Despite our determination to finish JK Rowling's new book, we haven't been able to get through it yet. We may be done with it next week. We did take a little break to read more young adult fiction. We picked up Shadow and Bone, the first book of a proposed "Grisha Trilogy", by Leigh Bardugo because we heard it was going to be made into a movie and producers thought it could be the next big thing. While it wasn't revolutionary, we enjoyed it a lot.

An orphaned young woman who was drafted into the army,Alina, discovers she has powers and is whisked off to a palace to be trained. There is a good twist in the middle of the book and it careens toward an action-packed, satisfying ending. We hate cliffhangers when books aren't out yet, so that's good. The book was entertaining all the way through. Sure, there were some things that have become cliche in this genre (insecure misfit girl who doesn't think she's pretty, love triangle), but it avoided being egregiously offensive or stupid.

We liked most of the characters, especially The Darkling and Alina's new friend, Genya. It was cool that the book was set in a fictional version of Imperial Russia (people complaining that it's inaccurate didn't get the memo that it's a made-up version). The story sucked us in and wasn't predictable. We finished this in a day. The romantic parts were good enough to make you care, but it didn't take up the entire plot. It was a subplot. There is more going on here than romance (power struggles, courage), making it more like the Hunger Games than Twilight. Not that it is as good as The Hunger Games. Hardly anything is.

The highest praise we can give any book is that we would (and will, in this case) read its sequels. We will definitely be buying the next one. If you like YA fantasy, you could do worse.

Book grade: A-

Revenge, The Good Wife, 666 Park Avenue

So, the shows we watch Tuesday nights weren't on because of the debates. Mmmmeh. We still have a TV-related post because we're behind on some Sunday shows.

Revenge- Confidence
Declan, student loans suck, but they're better than stealing. Moron. We hope he dies. He's replaced Charlotte, who is totally tolerable when she's far away from Declan it seems, as our least favorite character. It looks like Jack is going to get into trouble being indebted to the rich, "forgiving" robbery victim. Complaint: nearly everyone overacts on this show. This is a total soap opera, except things actually happen in each episode. Victoria and Conrad should just stop having scenes together. They are ridiculous. Conrad sounds like he should follow up everything he says with a "Mr. Andersonnn." (Matrix reference)

We like Aiden, but does Amanda really need yet another love interest? He reminds us a little of Heath Ledger. That could be a far-out thing to say though/maybe it's just us. We're glad this episode ended Jack's relationship with Emily, even though it was a stupid, mean reason for him to end it. We also met Amanda's mother. Yay! Still, it's hard to take this show seriously, especially this week.
Episode grade: B

The Good Wife- Two Girls, One Code
In the dullest episode of the season so far, Kalinda's husband threatens her girlfriend, and we all groan that this plotline (possibly the worst in the show's history) is still going on. The case of the week was okay, and it's nice to see Will doing well, but we weren't on the edge of our seats. Alicia's personal life was the sole bright spot. Well, kind of. We really don't want her back with Peter. We want her to find someone better than both will and Peter. It's okay if she stays with him throughout the campaign, but after that, can she please find someone worthy of her? The best part of the episode was when Diane and Nathan Lane got in a fight. They are equally matched when they raise their voices.
Episode grade: B-

666 Park Avenue- The Dead Don't Stay Dead
Okay show. It's time to stop fooling around and tell a story. Never drive with both feet like Olivia does. Pick one foot. The right one. Everyone knows (or should know) this. The creepy stories of the week are becoming a strength for the show. So is Olivia's backstory.

The sad thing about this show is that we already know all the answers. We know it's about the Devil's apartment building. But we don't know Olivia's deal yet. She has a dead daughter. What is she doing with the Devil and why does she stay with him when she knows who he is? Olivia still retains some mystery, which is something this show sorely needs.

We also know the Devil has plans for Henry. What plans? To steal his soul? That's mundane these days. A problem for this show is if you're going to have the main antagonist be pure evil, you need some pure good guys to root for. In American Horror Story, you rooted for the mom. In Supernatural, you root for white knight Dean.

Here, we have a slightly boring couple. They aren't powerhouses for good that you want to see purge The Drake of injustice, suffering, and violence. If they died and a new couple were brought in, it would actually be a good thing. No one would bat an eye. We're giving this show two more weeks to grab us. We usually give a show that we think has potential five episodes to get good. Hopefully it isn't cancelled before it it does (if it ever will).
Episode grade: C+

Revolution and Downton Abbey

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Revolution- Soul Train
After Charlie first met Neville (cool first meeting, by the way) and they walked off, the music sounded just like the music on LOST. Also, they had Frank Lapidus play Hutch. We see what they're trying to do here, haha. Kim Raver (Grey's Anatomy, 24, Lipstick Jungle) was another familiar face. This week, they got damn close to getting Danny and missed. It was so entertaining that we aren't frustrated though. We also liked the seeing the flashbacks to Tom Neville's old life. We knew that was his son. It's a little ridiculous how they keep letting Danny have an advantage/always escape. Every week, he ends up right back where he started. Now he's at the main camp, so things should change and move forward.
Episode grade: B

Downton Abbey- Season 3, Episode 5
W.T.F? Sybil is one of our favorite characters, and we can't believe she's gone. She was the sweetest, prettiest character. It was soooo sad. They should have listened to Cora and the doctor with the doubts. They stayed with the family crying and in shock for an uncomfortably long time. We could not even deal with all the emotions. This was a hard episode to watch. Thomas getting overly familiar with the new guy. Ha! Others saw that coming where we didn't, but we liked it. Thomas crying over Sybil was good. It gives the character a well-needed sympathetic layer. We teared up when Mary and Edith decided to love each other for the day.

Daisy needs to stop being mean to that new kitchen maid. We love Isobel so much. She's unashamed of trying to help people, trying to be king, and trying to treat people well. Sometimes she says things that are a little self-righteous and plays savior where she shouldn't, but we can't fault her for it too much. Everyone else is being judgmental. We guess it was the times though. We're going to be depressed all day over this. To make things worse, all the characters might be wearing black for a while. They took Sybil AND the fashion. Ugh.
Episode grade: A-

Once Upon a Time and Homeland

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Once Upon a Time- Lady of the Lake
We love Snow with the longer hair. There's controversy over Lancelot (also seen in Teen Wolf) being black. We are fine with it. It's not like it's really England. It's a fantasy world. It's another version of the stories. Snow couldn't shoot arrows in previous versions. Who cares? If he's right for the part, why shouldn't he be allowed to play a character who was always fictional. We're peeved that they chose Lancelot at all. He's probably our least favorite character in that mythology. Arthur, Merlin, or Morgan would have been better. Did Emma's shade of blonde change? It looks better to us, for some reason. That's probably the only nice thing we'll have to say about Emma for a long time.

This whole thing with Emma and Mary Margaret trying to protect each other at the same time got annoying, even though it was supposed to be sweet. We get it. They are both strong women who want to be the protector. The ogre was okay though. We were worried that the CGI would be laughable. When Charming's mom told Snow to drink the last sip, saying, "That's what parents do. They put their children first. Someday you'll understand," we sniffled a little. It's even cooler that Snow didn't take it. That was the best wedding ever. So sweet. We're glad Emma's not mad at Snow anymore. Snow and Emma being gone is giving David and Henry time to do some of the most adorable grandson/grandfather bonding we've ever seen. This episode was enjoyable and touching.
Episode grade: B+

Homeland- State of Independence
It's nice to see Jessica not suck for once, like in the kitchen scene in the beginning of the episode and at the political function. It would be hard to wing a speech like that. Also we respect Jessica figuring out that he's still hiding something. We were bored with most of the plot where Brody drove the tailor into the woods. We knew it would end in death anyway, because of the preview last week. It felt like kind of a waste of time. It put the Jessica/Brody romance in jeopardy, but that wasn't going well to begin with. It was weird that Jessica calls Brody by his surname. Did we ever get the reason she does that?

It took forever for Saul to get home with the intel. We're glad the scene where it was "taken" was a fake out. This show was postponing the aftermath of that. If Saul had called it in right away, Brody probably wouldn't have accidentally killed that tailor. It was disturbing to watch Carrie down those pills and cups of alcohol. Suicide is so sad, even when it's fictional. We're glad she threw it up. She's a great character. That was a low moment. She's gonna need new meds now too. We got chills in the last scene just watching Carrie's face. Good episode, but we didn't enjoy the subplot in the woods.
Episode grade: B+

Revenge's review is coming tomorrow.

The Walking Dead- Seed

Last season on The Walking Dead, the show was really boring for the first half, and by the time something happened in the second half, we had stopped caring about the stereotypical, annoying characters. BUT THEN the adultery subplot was wrapped up, intolerable Dale was killed, we caught sight of an interesting-looking new stranger, and the group moved on. Also, there are zombies in this show, guys.

So we're still watching. We've never mentioned before how much we love the opening credits to this show. The music and images are so creepy and perfect.

This prison thing is like the most awesome level of someone's favorite video game. The group sure owned. Now that's teamwork. The singing portion went on too long, especially since those women had a couple of average voices. The five that went in to do hand-to-hand? Those are the show's official bad bitches. Think how hardcore you'd have to be in order to do that, and not even for yourself but for a pregnant woman/the good of the group.

Even if you think this show has pacing problems and each episode could stand to be ten minutes shorter, you have to admit the zombie fight scenes are intense. What's with Carl being all cool now? Who does he think he is, Once Upon a Time's Henry? We still hate him. Maggie's our hero right now. We like the time jump, but were curious as to what happened with Andrea and Michonne. They seem like friends.

Rick is like ice with Lori. It's not her fault, dude. You were "dead." Why does Michonne drag those zombies around? What good do they do? Do they fight? Is it to look threatening? It's hard to impress creatures with no working intellect.

The episode's ending was inspired. Not only were there living humans in the prison, Hershel was bitten. Now, he didn't die (which would have been good since we're afraid he might fill the self-righteous void previously occupied by Dale), but Rick had to cut his leg off many chops at a time. NASTY. Poor guy. This was a good start that got us excited about the season.
Episode grade: A-

Dexter- Buck the System

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All hail the lizard brain! We actually get to see what happens when Dexter doesn't kill. Seeing his slow meltdown and visions of killing everyone around him lets us know that this isn't something Deb can cure. We knew that already, but it's interesting to see the failure in detail. Plus, who wouldn't love to see Masuka get stabbed in the neck by a pen? He's so annoying. Not as annoying as Louis though.

Finally, finally Dexter makes real moves against Louis, getting him dumped and fired. We love Jamie's reaction to Louis cheating on her. It sucks that she has to worry about STIs. This guy is so not worth it. "It's not cheating if you paid for it!" Nice try. Louis is still trouble though. He turned the baddies onto Dexter. At least he's dead now. We hated that guy. We can't believe he turned out to be useful to the plot. Very nice, show.

Yvonne from Chuck! She looks even prettier on this show, if that's possible. There was chemistry between Hanna and Dexter, and we approve, even though there's a lot going on this season already. It could help keep Deb and Dexter from hooking up. Thank God that seems to have been dropped. It's like the show is actually listening to its groaning fans!

The conversations between Dexter and Deb continue to rule. We love that Nadia came clean to Quinn too. That was a surprise. We were sick of seeing him screwed over in the romance department. The show never uses him properly, and giving him a role to play in one of the show's biggest story arcs is inspired.

We are so petrified of getting murdered on a date, so the baddie of the week creeped us out. The end was actually intense. The poor girl not making it went a long way toward convincing Deb that her brother's extracurricular activities are necessary. She hates it, but she gets it. Their sibling relationship has to change, and that's fine with us. We like the honesty much better.

We haven't been bored or irritated at all this season! Is this show back?!! For real? We've hardly ever seen recoveries like this. Usually when a good show starts getting bad, it stays bad. Exceptions include Scrubs (got lame around season six, but turned in a good season eight, which we consider to be the real final season/don't talk to us about the reboot), Grey's Anatomy (recovering from ghost sex, the ferryboat thing, and Gizzie), possibly Glee since this season has been better than the last two so far, and, now, Dexter. We're hoping Supernatural can pull off a similar resurrection.

This episode was tightly plotted, entertaining, fast-paced, and well-acted. It dispensed with the Rehab By Deb plotline, and set up a lot of interesting things. Deb finding out about Dexter was exactly what this show needed.
Episode grade: A

The Vampire Diaries- Growing Pains

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The dumb debates are taking over our TV, but they couldn't interfere with CW programming. Yay! We missed this show so much and expect a lot from it. It's one of our favorites. But nothing unexpected happened last night. Elena, Damon, Bonnie, Matt, Jeremy, and Stefan's reactions to Elena's transitions went exactly as we though they would. And then we had the council trying to kill vampires. Like we haven't seen that before. Everything was pretty rushed too. Having lots of action doesn't automatically make an episode interesting.

Hopefully this show has something new to do with these characters this season, other than having a formerly human being a vampire. Which, again, is something we've seen before. Bonnie might be able to cure Elena eventually anyway. The stuff with Gran, Bonnie, and the spirits was promising. Let's have angry spirits! Then our gang can team up with Klaus and Rebekah to defeat them.

Anyway, in this episode, Elena remembers everything Damon ever made her forget. But it's all for naught. She's sticking with her decision to pick Stefan for now. So far, the only new villain we have is Pastor Young. The finale scene was good. He's a crazyyy. We're glad Klaus didn't have sex with Caroline when he was in Tyler. He even tried to call that off (for like a second).

Elena's first feeding should have been on a character who mattered. (MATT-ered, if you're going by the books). We miss Elijah. There are few characters with any punch, mystery, or unpredictability anymore, and he's one of them. Klaus is a sappy, Caroline-loving baby. Damon won't be growing anytime soon. We know everything about everyone else.

Vampire Diaries premieres usually knock our socks off. Not this year. The title of this episode might reflect the current state of the show. It's season four. It's time for things to move forward. It seemed like we had watched nearly every scene in this episode before. We didn't cry. We weren't worried. We weren't creeped out. We didn't even think the Stelena stuff at the end was sweet anymore. It's getting cheesy.

Episode grade: C+

Modern Family and Supernatural

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Modern Family- "Schooled" and "Snipped"
Schooled was funny. It had lots of zingers, and Jay and Gloria had a good storyline for once. Gloria dropping her wrapped babydoll on the table when she was done and Jay trying to trade the black babydoll over to a black couple were golden moments. We also liked seeing Cam and Mitch unite against the lesbians, since they don't often unite in their storylines. Their plot didn't really go anywhere though. It defintely just died out somewhere near the end.

The scene where Phil accidentally grabs Haley's new roommate's butt was hilarious. Even we would be embarrassed, and we're more thick-skinned/less popularity conscious than Haley. We also laughed at Luke "literally masking his feelings." Snipped was fine, but not as funny as Schooled. The vasectomy plotline has been done to death. The Gloria and Manny stuff was boring. Claire stole the show with her impromptu haircut. The show is feeling less repetitive than last season. We approve.
Episode grades: B+ and B-

Supernatural- What's Up, Tiger Mommy?
Ugh. That episode title is a turn-off. But Linda turned out to be awesome, rather than some fresh-off-the-boat stereotype. She even knew it was best to keep Kevin with the Winchesters over angels. Cas! We got to see Cas! And his explanation for ditching Dean was fine. What's Dean's explanation for ditching him? He probably didn't do it on purpose. This is just yet another way for the show to pile tons of guilt on Dean's shoulders so that he can cry to Sam on the hood of the Impala. Hey, we're not complaining. Dean is hot when he cries.

We're not Kevin fans right now. Who would call Dean's speeches crappy?!! This episode was better than last week's. The best part was Sam using Thor's hammer. More of that, please. We didn't like that all the plans failed and the boys acted so stupid. They should be better and smarter than this. Everything went wrong. They walked into a terrible situation with no plan, they let the word of God go, they let Linda get possessed, and they didn't realize Kevin was going to ditch them. Come on!! They shouldn't be this monumentally stupid at this point in their lives. Dean's, like, 34 now, right?

We're glad the show has been doing the serialized thing so far this season. We're a little over the dull monster procedurals. The boys have met every monster by now, surely. This episode is getting a decent grade because Dean gave Castiel a hug. Awwwwwwww. It wasn't as boring as usual either. So far, season eight isn't embarrassing itself like the last two years.
Episode grade: B-

Nashville- Pilot

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What happened: Rayna James is having trouble selling her album, so her record company gives her an ultimatum- open for the talentless Juliette Barnes or they will stop promoting her album. Rayna tells them where to stick it. She's having more trouble with her father, a rich man who managed to keep Rayna's sister on his side, but not his oldest daughter. Rayna's father is getting her husband to run for Mayor. Rayna doesn't like that. Juliette has trouble with her drug addict mother who is always calling for money. Juliette also seduces one of Rayna's guitarists, Deacon.

Meanwhile, Deacon's niece, a perky little blonde named Scarlett just got discovered in the Blue Bird cafe singing with her new male friend, a guitarist named Gunnar. Gunnar is determined to steal Scarlett away from her boyfriend, the songwriting Avery. If Gunnar is going to be the second half of Scarlett's duo, that might mean problems for her current relationship. We don't really care about this subplot yet, but Rayna's producer thinks this duo might save her career.

What we thought: Whoa, now there's the kind of drama we've been missing in dramas. For not being a singer, Connie isn't bad. She's convincing. I believe it. Her southern accent is more believable than Hayden's too. But Hayden is chewing up the scenery with her role of manipulative, damaged mean girl. She doesn't sound very country, but that's probably why she's referred to on the show as a "crossover artist."

We expected to be solidly on Rayna's side, but the character is surprisingly judgmental, proud, jealous, and unwisely living beyond her means. We liked when she apologized for her "diva dip" though. It's Juliette we're understanding more right now. Who's the protagonist here? Both of them? This is what Smash would have been had the Ivy/Karen rivalry been done right. We sympathize with Rayna wanting that threatening, powerful father out of her life. We like Rayna's balls and her line, "Well you can kiss my decision as it's walking out the door."

Rayna's husband, Teddy, is sweet and supportive, but he lost all their money and caves too easily to Rayna's evil father. Teddy won't be a mayor. He'll be a puppet. Deacon might be a better love interest for Rayna, but now that Juliette's got him, that can't work. We can't wait to see Rayna's reaction when she finds out.

In this show, the songs serve the scenes and story. The story isn't written around songs. We don't want to download any of them. Maybe the protagonist is Scarlett, the poet with the soft voice working as a waitress. She's more Karen than Juliette is. That's not necessarily a good thing. It's annoying that she never thought of turning her poems into songs, even though she lives in Nashville, works at the Bluebird Cafe, and has a nice singing voice. Come on. What a drip. Let's hope she was lying to Gunnar to be demure.

Scarlett's song fit the tone of the episode's ending so well. If we download any, it will be that one. It's haunting and hasn't been out of our heads since we watched the pilot last week (this post has been in draft form for a while. This episode was released on hulu early.)

Bottom line, this episode was entertaining the whole way through, and the blogger writing both this sentence and the initial draft of this post isn't interested in Nashville or country music. This pilot set a LOT up. This was a smooth hour of TV with drama that's not over-the-top. We can see why it's being called a must-see. We'll keep watching for now.

Episode grade: A-

Arrow- Pilot

Gage Skidmore [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

What happened: Oliver Queen, rich playboy, was shipwrecked on an island for five years. He came back determined to clean up his city, apologize to his lawyer girlfriend that he cheated on, and make sure his little sister stays off drugs. He reunites with his cute best friend, Tommy, to maintain the shallow billionaire facade. Tommy pretty much has everything figured out. Oliver's mother has him kidnapped and questioned, trying to find out how much he knows about how evil the family empire is. Answer: So evil his father shot himself in the head over it and made Oliver promise to right his wrongs. Oliver robs from a thieving jerk to give to the poor in this episode. It's implausible.

What we thought: Okay, this needs tightening up, but we liked it. Oliver using a high-tech green arrow shot into Hunt's wall to transfer money was laughable. IT'S UNTRACEABLE! Whatever. No one watching the CW knows anything about banks or technology, right? And Laurel the lawyer is all, "Hey, if money just shows up in your bank account and you think it's illegal, I just wouldn't question it." Nice.

We went into this show with absolutely no knowledge of the character Arrow or the comics and story. We think it's better for evaluating the show if we know whether it can stand on its own and tell a compelling story. Green Lantern needs to be a TV series, by the way. We hear there are seasons and seasons worth of rich storytelling in those comics that the movie just chose to ignore. If Arrow can get on TV, Green Lantern should absolutely get his own show. Just sayin'.

The beginning with the island stuff had us rolling our eyes. We bet Oliver would have sold his soul for a pair of shoes on that island. What kind of island was this? It teaches Russian? We need more flashbacks. That way we can design our own version of this island. It can be a camp where all spoiled playboys are sent by their concerned parents. We'd let everyone we went to grad school/law school with go free of charge.

Oliver and Speedy don't act like siblings, even siblings who have been away for a while. The relationship isn't believable yet. He acts more like a doting uncle or love interest. Who winks at their sibling? Seriously, picture yourself winking at your sibling as you left the dinner table at your house. Your sister would probably be like, "Okay, creeper, is there gum in my hair?"

We like Laurel (Ruby). She's a little vindictive at first though, eh? We like that she was sleeping with Tommy in the last five years. It makes her a little less perfect. Also, we like Tommy because he's the only non-idiot on the show. We like that Arrow can kill. That's one thing that can get annoying about Batman. Wait, that's crazy. There's nothing annoying about Batman. We take it back! We love you, Batman. You're way more realistic than this pilot.

How does island training teach you how to get out of zip ties? Those are, like, impossible to get out of. Maybe he had a knife at his back. That's the only way, right? The worst thing about the first fight scene was the fact that the gunfire would have hit him. There were about four times it should have. A really athletic guy still can't outrun bullets from a machine gun. They should have used regular handguns if they wanted it to be believable. Also, that hood doesn't hide Arrow's face, and he's famous. So that sucks too.

Another weird thing is Oliver's father shooting himself in the head...why? Why not stay alive and help your son right your wrongs? Why have a meltdown now? Because of the near-death experience? Does that wake up a conscience. All nitpicks aside, this episode was a lot more fun to watch than we expected. The reveal that the cop is Laurel and Sarah's father was great. We like Paul Blackthorne from the time we saw him in 24 (season three), and it's good to see him get a real part in this series. Evil moms are always a win too.

The show's pacing is good. Stephen Amell is decent in the title role. He's believable as a smart, driven guy, but also as the playboy. We love Katie Cassidy from Supernatural. She was the only version of Ruby with a personality. We think she looks prettier blonde, but other girls will like her better for being a brunette. We'll come back next week, but we hope this show gets its feet on the ground so we can believe what we're seeing enough to enjoy it more. But for the implausibilities, this would have been an "A."

Episode grade: B

New Girl, The Mindy Project, Parenthood,

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New Girl- Neighbors
Jess and Schmidt try to befriend young hipsters this week, until they realize young hipsters aren't really worth knowing. They are just super hard to impress. Been there... Jess's Urkel impression is a lot better than her Frasier Crane, which, to be fair, got cut off before we could really evaluate it. We like the development where Nick is some sort of pranks king, and we expect to see more of his elaborate pranks later. Schmidt is a perfect target. We hope Winston's new job gives him something to do. We also hope it helps the show define the character a little better. Seriously, describe the guy's personality. You can't do it as well as you can describe Jess, Nick, and Schmidt, can you? Winston is the show's weak link that can absolutely be fixed with a few good storylines, episodes, and lines.

But what kind of man should he be? He's kind of the responsible straight man now. Should they make him super responsible and together? Sort of the den mother for these three? Could they make him the cool, charming guy who everyone likes? We're going to stop brainstorming now, because it's not like any good idea we come up with will be used, haha. This show often touches on the awkward position of being an adult who hasn't quite grown up yet...we saw this theme when Jess dated Russell. We liked when Nick said that he likes growing older because he's growing into his personality. Ern feels the same way.
Episode grade: B

The Mindy Project- In the Club
This show is going to have a full season. Hopefully it can take that news and use it to plot how all the episodes are going to go and give this show some direction. Because it does need a little direction. One thing we liked this week was the character Morgan being less cartoonish, yet still funny and weird. We worried about his character when he was introduced last week, but he's being used alright so far. Sure, everyone could be funnier. We also need the hospital crew to be a more defined group. People we haven't been paying much attention to got added to the crew this week. This is fine, but they need to be distinct and memorable. We liked the loser girl who vomited. You know who we're talking about. Betsy. She's played by a funny, competent actress.

Anyway, like we were saying, this show is going to work if we get an office-like ensemble going strong, like on New Girl and, well, The Office. Mindy's character is a one-trick pony. She's a romantic comedy heroine in a regular comedy body. While this gives Mindy ample opportunity to satirize and laugh at chick flick stereotypes and the ultra-girly among us, we need other jokes as well. Mindy's blonde best friend needs to find a place in the group and show if she's going to exist. We've got Mindy, Blonde, Danny, Betsy, Shauna (the girl in love with Danny), Morgan, and hot British guy. That's fine. This episode gave us more hope for the show. It was better than last week.
Episode grade: B

Parenthood- There's Something I Need to Tell You...
When Hank kissed Sarah, she did not pull away for a long time. The kissing scene really worked. His reaction afterward, kind of blaming her for the encounter and then insulting her, was icky though. He rectified it by saying, "You're funny, you're pretty, you're nice and I like talking to you. But I know you got somebody." But still. Sarah shows insecurity in her current relationship, making us think the Hank/Sarah ship might sale after all. We're so glad Victor hit that ball. The scene would have been so awkward if pushy Zeek had cost everyone the game. Ryan York now has a real purpose. A boy for Amber?!! We like it.

We always give Max crap for being a brat, but doing research on chemo and agreeing to play catch with Victor shows the heart beneath his social inabilities. Sydney's the real brat. Julia's situation was so realistic. As a lawyer, if you file something late, it could cost you big time. We loved Julia's honesty. We also love Kristina's. There is a temptation when you are sick not to tell your family. If you tell them, you look weak. You have to accept help and pity. It's actually stronger to tell and let people in.

Episode grade: B+

***EDIT*** A law school friend has told us that we weren't watching closely enough. We thought Julia didn't file a case, which can lead to heavy consequences. But she was late on an evidence-related request, which wouldn't exactly cost anyone millions of dollars/a judge would let it slide. The show needs one of The Good Wife's consultants.

Arrow and Nashville start tonight, mothalickas!

Hard Books to Finish

We're stalled on a book, guys. That's why we haven't been posting much about books. We need to just put it down and read something else, but we feel like we can't. We hate not finishing a book. We're really anal and feel like we have to read every word.

Wheel of Time series- Robert Jordan
We've started reading this series several times at different ages and stages. It never seems to hook us. So many people are obsessed with it, and we love fantasy, so what's the problem? It might be the weird names and the fact that too many characters are thrown at us too soon. It might be the length. We think it's really the dull, stuffy prose. If you just read the dialogue, it's alright. That's how we got through the second book. Does that count as reading it? We like Brandon Sanderson, the Mormon guy finishing the series for the late Jordan, so we want to make it to the last book where there might be writing that's easier to read. But it's soooo hard. We like the premise, the story, and at least two of the characters. We will finish this series. Of course, we've forgotten everything we read of it in high school, so now we're back to chapter five of book one. Ugh. It's a quagmire!
Status: We're going to get to it. Check back in a few years.

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
A woman on an airplane told Ern to read this when Ern was 13, because she said she wept through it and couldn't put it down (she was a die-hard liberal Democrat, by the way; did she understand this book?) Ern is a freaking LIBERTARIAN (if she's anything), so, message-wise, this book should be something she'd enjoy. However, it's sat on her shelf, 100 pages read, for 12 years. One day. One day.
Status: Ern will read this in the next year.

Insomnia by Stephen King
We wanted to read this because it significantly connects to the Dark Tower series, which we love. We got about halfway through it and just got frustrated. This old man can't sleep...for hundreds of pages. He starts seeing weird stuff. There's stuff about abortions in there (we think. It's been a long time), and we're not particularly into that debate or...you know...abortions in general (no one really is). It's just so long and not as eventful as other long King books (The Stand). We love his writing, even when he's wasting our time, but something needs to happen eventually.
Status: We want to do a re-read of all King's books, getting to the ones we haven't read. We'll get to the second half when we do that. OOOOH WE CAN DO AN ALL-STEPHEN KING POST AND RATE HIS BOOKS!

John Grisham books
We just lose the will to care partway through them. We heard from someone brilliant and awesome that his characters are just like real lawyers in practice, so one of us totally should read a few.
Status: Maybe someday? 

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo- by Stieg Larsson
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Status: We'll never finish this. We've already seen two movies (and the second Swedish one), so that's okay. The movies are better.

The Lonely Polygamist- Brady Udall
Big Love is better. Unless someone tells us we should finish this book, we won't. We had no emotional connection to the characters and, once again, there were too many characters thrown at us at once. If the book had a chart of the women and their children in the front of a book, things might have turned out differently.
Status: Threw in the towel

The Lovely Bones- Alice Sebold
We hear this is a lot better than the movie, but we got bored. Her heaven was weird and we couldn't get into a book where the main character was already dead and not going to pull a Jesus.
Status: We already saw the movie, so we know what happens

The Casual Vacancy- JK Rowling
This is the book we're currently stuck on. We were so excited to read this because we thought that even if it wasn't Harry Potter, Rowling would still be able to craft a good story with characters we'd fall in love with. So far, not really. We're bored and Rowling gave us too many names at once. There's no character we're attached to. They are all really slimy and selfish people. The book is sort of bleak too. It's like if the Harry Potter books had stayed on Privet Drive, only a Privet Drive robbed of all its whimsy. We're only 10% of the way through it (and Stephen King says you should always give a book 33% before you quit), but we aren't wanting to sit down and read more. Rowling, we love you and think you are a classy lady, but you're better than this.
Status: Still planning to finish...slowly

Do you know if any of these are worth finishing? What's a book you can't finish?

Revolution, The Good Wife, 666 Park Avenue, Downton Abbey

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Revolution- The Plague Dogs
It was good to see everyone reunited. Gettin' real tired of your s***, Miles. We cried a little when Maggie died, mostly because of the flashbacks. Now Miles really can't leave. Ha. It's becoming a thing for shows to kill off prominent characters after a handful of episodes (The Vampire Diaries, Once Upon a Time), so we didn't figure Maggie was safe. The stuff with Charlie being so important to Maggie came out of nowhere. In the pilot, we got the sense that they didn't get along and Charlie wouldn't be too bugged if Maggie died. We guess the last couple of weeks changed things.

We like that move. Danny's  moral conundrum was interesting this week. The right thing to do was obviously to keep the sink thing from falling on Neville somehow and then leaving him trapped under the wood, giving Danny the chance to run away. That thing was big, so it probably wasn't possible. So Danny could either let this guy die or show mercy. The second most right thing to do is what Danny did. Or is it? Neville will go on to kill and terrorize others. Danny might have been saving lives by ridding the world of Neville. There's no duty to save. Dude, we think we might have let Neville die. We're cold.

We're getting tired of detours, but this paranoid dude was interesting. It's time for Danny to get to Rachel and Monroe. Hilariously, saving Neville is only going to get Danny tortured in front of his mom. Two guys called a woman the word "bitch." We don't care for that. At least the guys were baddies. Never call us that, or you'll see what a bitch really is. In other news, Rachel really does love her kids and Miles likely knows that she is still alive, but he hasn't told Charlie.
Episode grade: B

The Good Wife- And the Law Won
It's a bad day for Alicia. She is soooo classy. "I'm not playing that game...Thunderdome." Lots of people dislike the Kalinda storyline right now, but we're into it as long as it goes somewhere important. It's interesting. Her husband is definitely an idiotic, psycho jerk. She should call the police and have him thrown back in jail. She's too smart to have lust cloud her judgment. Also, it's not like this guy is hot enough to get away with acting like this. The ice cream scene was hilarious, and he sure can drink a glass of Perrier menacingly. We knew that the jury can now turn questions over to the court, but we'd never seen TV take advantage of it before. Timely, show. Hopefully Maddie will be a good friend for Alicia. For some reason, we don't trust her. We're anxious to see what she's doing on the show. Will Gardner owned Richard Gilmore. That was a great case. We missed Cary this week. He was only in one scene.
Episode grade: B+

666 Park Avenue- Murmurations
Why is Tony so rude? Nona seems to know what's going on, but she also seems like a nice person. She clutched her rabbits foot and saw the future. So she has a psychic rabbit's foot...or she's psychic. We don't know. Why did the show choose to have Jane and Henry unmarried? Is that going to become important. Gavin did the right thing giving Louise and her playwrite husband that money. They got hurt in his building by his elevator. We think the show should make Jane a brunette or a redhead. That might make her more likable. It would also get rid of her roots.

Lots of people have been comparing this show to American Horror Story, with 666 Park Avenue coming in second place. There is room for this show and AHS in the world. They are both different. They are both enjoyable. We have more than one comedy. We can have more than one horror show. AHS is all shock factor with no build up. This show is in some trouble, ratings-wise, and we want to see where it's going and where the writers are going to take it before it gets pulled off the air, so do us a favor and check it out? This episode was creepy and entertaining. We just wish we were attached to the main characters.
Episode grade: B

Downton Abbey- Season/Series 3, Episode 4
We have Tom and Sybil back! Tom can't live in Ireland, so they are probably going to stay at Downton for a while and then move into a house in town. Little did we know last week when we saw the preview that Tom's troubles would equal good news for the viewers. We love those two. Charlie's grandfather is not someone we'd ever leave our child with, even if we were destitute. A man who judges and treats those beneath him "horribly" is not a man. That scene was really sad. Charlie is adorable. We hope that's not the end of Ethel's story and that she somehow gets her son back. Go Edith! We thought Sybil was the feminist of the family though. This show needs to be careful not to get repetitive. This was a quieter episode than most, but we were still entertained. We want more Mary/Matthew.
Episode grade: B

Worst News Ever

Louie won't be back until Spring 2014.

They also pushed Community back in order to market it better, which is sort of a good thing.

Popular Music 10/9/12

Taylor Swift- I Knew You Were Trouble, single
ANOTHER? Taylor, we'll hear the whole album before it drops. It's not very country and it has electronic elements. It's different from any of her other songs. Judging it as a regular song, we don't love it, but we can see it growing on us as good album filler when we get the entire contents of Red. The lyrics aren't that original or heartfelt, but it's another song about a past relationship, so her fans should eat the lyrics up. Whether they will accept a more Selena Gomez-sounding chorus is another question.
Grade: B

ADELE- Skyfall, single
It's not that this song is bad; it's that it's a little boring. It never hits the climax we wanted. It's pretty and sounds like a good James Bond movie song though, so it did its job. ADELE sounds good, as usual.
Grade: B-

The Script- #3
Pleasant. If you like their stuff, you'll like this album. The sound and lyrical content haven't changed except for becoming a little catchier and more mainstream. They've even thrown in some rap this time, which may annoy longtime fans. If you're new to The Script, we assure you that you're not. You've heard "For the First Time" and "Breakeven" on the radio. There aren't many standout songs, but there aren't many bad ones either. We don't necessarily recommend this band and we won't buy the album, but we wouldn't make fun of someone for listening to them either. When some of these songs hit the radio, we won't change the station.
Grade: B

Ellie Goulding- Halcyon
After the hit song "Lights," hopes are high for this one. She has a pretty (if sometimes breath-y) voice. Her voices is clearer on this CD, and she stays in her high register enough that some of these songs remind us of Celtec Woman. There are a TON of songs on the iTunes deluxe version (19). Is there a song like "Lights" on here? It's hard to tell, since Lights was a song that had to grow on most people. We liked the title track, "Halcyon." We also liked "Joy," "Hanging On," "Explosions," "Atlantis," and "I Need Your Love." We worried that the CD would be too electronic, robbing it of any rawness and turning it into noise. But there was a good mix. On her last album, we liked her version of Elton John's "Your Song," and we also liked "The Writer." We think this album is better and more mature than her last, overall, but everything is so high-pitched that if you listen to it all at once, you might get a headache.
Album grade: A-

Brandon Heath- Blue Mountain
This album let us know that Brandon is the person who wrote the hella-lame "Jesus in Disguise." Ugh, Brandon, you can do better than that. Brandon is best known for actual good spiritual songs, like "Give Me Your Eyes" and "Your Love." On this new album, there are plenty of slow songs, and not much of that heartfelt, accessible pop. Lots of songs, most notably "Blue Mountain," even sound country. He needs to stick to his best genre, light pop, rather than swap on his fans. This is a disappointing album for fans because Brandon usually writes some of the best lyrics on contemporary Christian radio. They aren't as good here.
Album grade: C

Barbra Streisand- Release Me
The voice is still there. It's great. The songs Barbra chooses to cover, however, are not songs we want to own. This isn't a first for Barbra albums. "Home" from the Wiz is the best song.
Album grade: C (Voice: A)