Glee - Sexy review

Sorry about the five-day hiatus, faithful readers. It's called spring break. But one of us has crawled back from vacationland and was happy to see that our numbers did not suffer, even though we have deprived you. Muchos gracias. Now, onto the Glee.

It seems like Glee had already tackled themes like celibacy, teen sex, pregnancy, and talking through your feelings. We guess they had to do it again, only more seriously this time. What we DIDN’T like was Holly Holiday asserting over-and-over in the beginning of the episode that it is “unrealistic” and “naïve” to be a virgin through high school. That’s just what sluts say to excuse their behavior. It’s like saying, “Everybody does it, so I can too.” We know plenty of people who made it past high school. In fact, we think it's the majority. http://www.reuters.com/article/2008/06/04/us-youth-usa-idUSN0440966320080604 Also, by that logic (people can’t control themselves), people can claim it’s impossible to be faithful to your spouse. People can control themselves. Even teens. If they want to do that, if that’s their choice, it’s possible and a good life lesson on patience. Then the episode crossed over into just downright insulting when Holly said that these people were probably “frigid”. Way to make responsible kids who know they aren’t ready yet feel damaged and bad about themselves!

Either you are nodding your head right now, or you are thinking, “Whichever blogger wrote this post is just a sad virgin.” We have no response to that. The show had a lot of good sex tips for young viewers though. A condom protects against pregnancy and HIV. And making a sex tape is child porn.

SO much happened in this episode. It didn’t completely revolve around Holly Holiday either! Other than her previously mentioned comments, we enjoyed her this episode. Gwyneth Paltrow delivered her lines perfectly, moved the plot along, and served to be the funniest character of the hour. "Just remember, when you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've had sex with. And everybody's got a random." – Holly. Can you believe Emma hasn’t slept with Carl yet? Whoa Momma, he’s hot and they are married. That makes no sense. And the reason might be that she is still in love with Will Schuester? Sorry to tell you, Emma, but we’ve been watching this show for more than a year, and we are pretty sure that guy is gay. Speaking of the gays, the best song this week was probably Blaine and Kurt’s Warbler-backed “Animal.” Kurt was waaaay too autotuned though. If the show can pay to hire Max Martin to write Glee’s original songs, it can pay to have someone competent handle the autotune when they need to use it. There is a way to make it less obvious. It just takes longer. It’s pure laziness on the part of the producers.

We loved Brittany in this episode. We prefer Santana to Artie, but no one deserves to be cheated on. Brittany thinking she was pregnant was priceless. We actually felt for Santana when she very sweetly confessed her love for Brittany in her most vulnerable moment ever. She was shot down (nicely, in a mature way), and it was a good thing, but we felt so bad for her! Artie needs to die and that needs to happen. We know it’s weird that we would rather have Artie die than get cheated on. It might be partly that we don’t want to see him whine for weeks.

We have an apology to make. We thought it was awkward for Kurt to want advice from his dad on sex and for Burt to “educate himself.” We thought a sex talk from Burt to Kurt would just be unnecessary and lame. Blaine felt differently, and adorably went to Burt to ask him to give Kurt a sex talk. Blaine was concerned that Kurt would have a bad experience due to lack of knowledge. Blaine said, "I don't have the relationship with my dad that you have with Kurt. I think it'd be really cool if you took advantage of that." Burt wasn’t into the idea at first, but he came around. And with the following speech, Kurt’s dad became our all-time favorite Dad on TV.

"For most guys, sex is just always this thing we want to do. It’s fun. It’s feels great. But we’re not thinking so much about how it makes us feel on the inside or, you know, how the other person feels about it….But it’s about more than just the physical. When you're intimate with someone in that way, you're exposing yourself. You're never gonna be more vulnerable, and that scares the hell out of a lot of guys. I can’t tell you how many buddies I’ve got who got who have gotten in way too deep with a girl who they thought was just cool with hooking up. For you, it’s worse. With two guys you've got two people who think that sex is just sex. It's gonna be easier to come by and once you start, you aren't gonna want to stop. You gotta know that it means something. It's doing something to you, to your heart, to your self-esteem, even though it feels like you're just having fun...When you're ready, I want you to be able to do everything. But when you're ready, I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person. Don't throw yourself around like you don't matter, because you matter, Kurt…That’s it, for now. Can I make you some toast?" Pair him with Lorelai Gilmore, and you would have the perfect parents. Who knew one of the most true sex lessons we’ve ever seen on TV would come out of a Burt/Kurt sex talk? If kids listen to this advice, it will save them from getting hard, cold hearts.

As for the other songs, "Kiss" was unbearable. What a butchering. Matthew Morrison’s falsetto sounds like someone is choking him. "Don’t You Want to Touch Me?" was “meh.” Glee’s "Afternoon Delight" didn’t hold a candle to Michael and Maeby Bluth’s version. "Landslide" was lovely, but that song has been remade enough already. As for more coupling news, we do not like Quinn and Finn STILL, even though their scene this week was pretty cute. And yay for Will moving on, even though we know Holly isn’t the endgame. Also, Lauren kissed Puck, even though he joined the celibacy club and didn’t make a sex tape with her. "I like wooing you. Next to dropping my afternoon deuce, it's my favorite part of the day." – Puck.

Last comment: For an episode about sex, it sure was light on freaky Tina and Mike’s abs, right? Light on the Sue too, and everyone knows she is pure sex.

Episode Grade: B (Points off for no substantial Lea Michele song, duh.)