The Slanderous Chickens Have Come Home to Roost

The New Directions and the Troubletones are set to compete against each other at Sectionals, which we thought both teachers should be pretty happy about. This gives them two chances to win at Sectionals. It’s obvious that whichever team wins will graft the other team in when the kids on the losing team realize that they want to go to Nationals. Then both teachers can combine forces and make one awesome team. If the winning group doesn’t want the other kids to be in the group, tough. That’s all up to the teachers of the group. However, wouldn't that sort of defeat the purpose of splitting up the groups in the first place?

Will and Shelby decide to have a Mash-Off in order to turn the competition into something positive. Finn and Santana start their fighting again. Finn wants things to be more civil, and Santana answers that with all the trash talk she can muster. It’s a lot. Apparently, her grandmother verbally abused her. Oh, Glee abuse jokes! Ha ha WAH. The two try to settle their differences with a game of dodgeball, which is totally unfair to the girls-only Troubletones. Believe us, we’ve played dodgeball against guys in high school, and it goes from fun to scary, fast.

It looks like the Troubletones won the game though, because their pure viciousness is transformed into physical power. It’s pretty funny until all the Troubletones gang up on little Rory, who still has that hideous hair. Kurt takes issue with this whole thing and makes it one of his platforms to abolish dodgeball at the school, calling it “modern-day stoning.” Jeez, is anyone else sick of the bullying themes on this show? Glee needs to mine Degrassi for different ways to take high-school characters. Dodgeball can be really fun. Ern is particularly adept at dodging, but hideous at throwing and getting people out, so she’s usually the last person left in the game, but she’s completely useless. But it’s still fun! Dodgeball should be optional, not banned.

Santana is convinced by Mercedes and Brittany to “stop the violence,” so she goes to offer Finn an “apology,” which is hilarious, but quite a bad apology. After she calls Finn fat 100 times (???), Santana tells Finn that he will be riding Rachel's coattails for the rest of his life. Finn knows this, because he had pity sex after all his dreams were dashed last week. In retaliation, Finn calls Santana out in the hallway for being a coward who is in love with Brittany but can’t come out of the closet. While that was wrong, Finn thought it wouldn’t cause harm, because everyone in the school knows. Also, it’s totally true. Santana lashes out because of insecurity which is partly caused by her hidden lesbianism. We don’t blame Finn, however Sue’s rival for Congress (the one that is not Burt) has a daughter at McKinley who heard what Finn said in the hallway. The daughter went to her dad, and the dad made a tacky political ad bashing Sue for making a lesbian her head cheerleader, supposedly violating “family values.”

Sue, Burt Hummel, Will, and the principal come together in unity in order to break the news to Santana that she will soon be outed. That was one of our favorite parts of this episode. It was really sweet that Sue and Burt put aside their differences to support this student. (Sue had been making political ads lying about Burt and said they were “not personal.”) Santana still freaked out, exclaiming that she hadn’t even told her parents yet. She ran out and, soon after, had to perform her mash-up with the Troubletones. That mash-up was one of the best musical things this show has put out all season. Santana looked really wounded through the whole thing. At the end, Santana saw Finn whisper something to Rachel, who giggled. Santana lost it and slapped Finn across the face.

Puck is trying to get Shelby to be with him, but she is resisting it, which is one of the reasons we can tolerate this storyline. It’s surprisingly charming. Also, he’s 18, has plenty of sexual experience, and has plenty of cougar experience. It’s sweet how much he wants to be a part of Beth’s life. We don’t blame him, because Shelby is gorgeous and has way more motherly wisdom this season. He even tried some honesty with Shelby. That’s how she found out about Quinn’s plot to regain custody of Beth. When Quinn comes over, an honestly hurt Shelby reads Quinn the riot act and throws Quinn out. Quinn calls Shelby a whore.

Leeard had a huge problem with this episode, because it made her hate Santana. Santana has always been mean, but her actions this episode crossed over into heartlessness. Ern felt bad for Santana and was more annoyed at what a monster Quinn has become. We just know that Shelby’s refusal to expose Beth to Quinn will result in Quinn trying to take Shelby down. And we just know Quinn will find out about Shelby and Puck’s kiss.

Rachel bonds with Shelby and drops out of the race for student council president in order to help Kurt win, so that they can both get into NYADA together. As for the rest of the musical numbers, we almost always like when Glee does rock, so even though "Hot for Teacher" isn’t our favorite song, we liked the performance. It fit Puck and the plotline. It was a little weird to see Blaine and Mike doing JAZZ HANDS in the background of a Van Halen song. That kind of ruins the whole rock vibe. And CLUE IN WILL. Heads up: for more than two years, the songs the kids sing have reflected what they are going through in their lives. Will just smiled at the performance and approved. Ugh, idiot.

We liked the mash-up of the You and I songs, but one of us is a little sick of Lady Gaga’s "Yoü And I". “Hit Me With Your Best Shot/One Way Or Another” was “meh,” but the performance was funny. Finn shouldn’t sing Benatar, and “One Way Or Another” is overused. The world is sick of that song, and we are glad that Glee has gotten it over with. "You Make My Dreams Come True/I Can't Go For That" by Hall & Oates was really cute, especially if you like Hall & Oates. We loved the costumes and choreography, but we don’t feel the urge to download the song. The ADELE mashup ("Rumor Has It/Someone Like You") was the obvious winner this week. Santana’s eyelashes were too much though. We are mostly satisfied with the music this week (compared to the rest of the music this season), but we lament the lack of Rachel getting to sing rock, which we maintain is always a win.

Best lines? “You’re skinny like all the crops failed on your family’s farm” – Rory. "Don't judge me, I'm 18. It's legal. Besides, the age difference isn't that crazy. Just look at Ashton and Demi, Indiana Jones and Ally McBeal, Woody Allen and that Chinese girl." – Puck (great self-awareness here, Glee. If you’re gonna be creepy, address it.) "Rachel, your mustache is thicker than a Middle Eastern dictator's."- Santana. "Shut your potatoe hole. I'm here to apologize.... Please stick a sock in it. I'm trying to apologize to Lumps the Clown….At some point I must have liked that you look like a taco addict who's had one too many liposuctions. .... I am sorry, Finn…that you sing like you're getting your prostate checked. And you dance like you've been asleep for years and someone just woke you up."

Ern thought this episode had a season one tone, emotional depth, and a good treatment of Rachel. She’s a good person, see?!!! So this episode gets points for lack of Rachel hate and no cartoonishness to her character. We were annoyed that Kurt was so mad at Rachel for running against him, but we could see his point. We’re glad that they are friends again. Bring on that spin-off. We also liked the panning of ads that attack your competition. We lose respect for politicians who take that road, and it makes us less likely to vote for them, even though people who run on fear will prove that those ads work. Still, nice effort, Glee. Classy is always the way to go, even if you have to lose.

Leeard's grade: C+

Ern's grade: A-

Episode grade: B