The Vampire Diaries finale: Stunning. And We're Stunned.

I, Ern, just bombed a test nastier than I ever have before. What do you know? All-nighters really don't work. Relax Dad, if you’re reading. I can still fail one class and graduate. I think you should be more concerned that you are reading a Vampire Diaries post. Anyway, I should still be in the test room, but I went ahead and finished it quickly and turned it in an hour earlier than normal. If you don’t know the answers, there’s no sense in sitting around mooning over the choices. The professor raped me in the brownhole (this blog gets gross when Leeard isn’t around to stop me, haha). The test was tricksy and false.

So The Vampire Diaries finale is just what the doctor ordered to sooth the buzzing, sad brain. Leeard is three weeks behind, and we really can’t wait for her to catch up now, can we? No. Not on a show this important. So, writing while I watch: Holy crap, how slutty was Elena’s cheerleading uniform back in the day? I knew right away that it was a flashback because a) it was grainy, b) the flashbacks have been advertised to death on sites we frequent, and c) Elena seemed really happy jamming to P!nk. Tooooo happy.

Momma Gilbert, you look young and beautiful. Life is unfair. She looks like Pocahontas. Evil Alaric is just what the doctor ordered. It really wasn’t that sad when his real self was turned. We know everyone else sobbed, but he’s “died” so many times, and the writers didn’t seem to know what to do with his character for most of the show, and it’s always possible that they will bring his real self back with magic, because it’s this show.

Flashback time! Matt and Elena have chemistry. If she doesn’t want him, I’ll take him. He is quite the little hottie. Mmmhmm. As soon as Stefan rushed in and embraced Elena, I thought that she would choose Damon at the end of this episode. Then Elijah showed up and this episode got even more awesome. It was already going really well too. Jeremy, I’m starting to hate you. What a whiner! My hate was earlier reserved for Bonnie, but Jeremy is in the running for that hate. There can only be one worst, and it is Jeremy. Alaric says something to Jeremy, but I can’t process it, because my brain is that fried.

I take a break to get a sandwich. Elena and Elijah strike a deal. I can’t hear what it is, but I’m sure it won’t work out anyway. It’s too early in the episode for successful strategies. I was loudly eating chips and there were no subtitles available on hulu yet (curses!) Jeremy redeems himself by tricking Evil Alaric. Bonnie is the worst again. Caroline is the best. It was so sweet when she and Tyler planned to run away together. That made me think Tyler was totally going to die. Why didn’t Evil Alaric kill Damon in the storage facility? Is there a smidgen of bromance left in him, or is he just dumb? Go ahead and kill enemies when you have the opportunity even if they aren’t really a threat! Future evil overlords, refer to this.

Back to Elena and Matt: Elena moans about being an orphan and not being able to choose between two of the hottest guys on TV. Wah wahhh wahhhh. I love you, Elena, but shut your pie hole. MATT, I WILL MARRY YOU!!! Even if you drug and abduct girls. It's not like she didn't deserve it. Back to Alaric walking around the storage unit, looking for Klaus. That stake looks like it’s covered in tinfoil. Great job, prop design. Rebekah! No! Not Rebekah! We love her. Damon wakes up and saves her, but Klaus dies. Wow, I’m surprised. And sad. Now he won’t be able to take Caroline around the world. Oh well, there’s always fanfiction. Evil Alaric goes off to kill more Originals, leaving Damon alive AGAIN. Show, why are you being lazy with this?

Things get serious when Damon and Stefan think it’s possible that they might die. Psh, no way. There is very little tension at this point in the episode. BUT THEN, Damon asks Elena who she would choose to say goodbye to if she could only say it to one Salvatore. She tells Damon that she loves Stefan. Yep, she is so picking Damon at the end of the episode. She tells Damon that she has to let him go, but if she had met him first, it might have been different. Stelena fans briefly rejoice! Evil Alaric comes back to kill Damon. Caroline finds Tyler, cries, and hugs him, knowing that Klaus is dead. Can it be? Holy moly! Tyler! And now Caroline has no male options. Tyler wisely tells Caroline to lie to his mom for him. Aww.

Then he starts coughing and turning into a werewolf. Caroline tries to stay, but runs. It’s sad, but my eyes remain dry. This show has only made me cry once, and it was in the season three premiere when Stefan called Elena to the background sounds of “A Drop in the Ocean.” (Sidenote: seriously, that was a beautiful song choice.) And that was only a general mistiness too. Matt loses it when he hears the news about Tyler’s “death.” At this point, I’m thinking he’s not going to die. I KNEW IT! Bonnie used magic to save everyone. Of course. There need to be some solid rules for Bonnie’s magic from now on. As long as she can undo anything, there are no stakes on this show. You don’t get a trump card to bail everyone out of trouble if you are a good writer. You just don’t. You have to make rules of magic and stick with them. Put limits on their powers. I didn't really know why Tyler lied to Caroline and pretended to be dying. Why was the spell a secret? And then I got there: Klaus and Tyler switched bodies, and Bonnie is apparently NOT Miss Perfect anymore. She is no longer the worst. There is no worst. I now love everyone on this show.

Now things get real. Rebekah wants to get rid of Evil Alaric and the easiest way to do that is to kill Elena. Crash. Flashback. Meanwhile, Damon is being beaten by Evil Alaric. Like a real supervillain, he monologues a bit. Flashback. Elena DID meet Damon first! Interesting. And kind of cool. We see both submerged cars, present and future. These people do NOT know how to break windows or even come close, do they? The doors don’t open, and that’s a shame. I start getting really worried for Matt, but then Stefan comes and saves him. Elena sits there and doesn’t swim out. Come on! She starts dying, so Evil Alaric starts dying. Damon is concerned for both his friend and Elena.

Real Alaric appears to Jeremy as a ghost! Awww, we get to see his real self one last time. This was emotional. I almost cried, but I sucked it up. Then- WHAT WHAT WHAT?!! WHAT?!! Physician-assisted temporary suicide? How? And she didn’t pick Damon at the end? Is Matt alive? (In an interview with Julie Plec, these things were said: “And just checking: Matt did survive, right? Answer: I think for Matt to not survive that after everything would be just too damn tragic.” Thank you, Lord.)

I will kill this show. I just wanted more! It was beautifully shot and exciting and everything, but I was so unsatisfied by this ending and cliffhanger that I could have ripped my own arm off in anger. 

Fortunately, I waited about two seconds and it clicked (Jeez, I’m slow today): Elena is a vampire. Yesssssss! Now she can be bad ass. She has to kill to survive, and obviously she will. Overall, this was a mind**** that completely breathed new life into this show. I am still processing it. How is being a vampire going to change Elena’s character? Obviously, since she's the main character, she'll transition, but she and Stefan had that beautiful discussion back in the first season (or maybe second) about how she doesn't want to become a vampire, so there has to be some debate, right? Since vampires feel more, is her “consuming” desire for Damon going to get the better of her? Please God Leeard hopes so. I need to go lie down.

Episode grade: A+

Season grade: B+ (first half A, second half full of dumb plots and characters running in circles. But who are we kidding? Leeard is going to come back and change this grade, haha)

----I'm sure you'll all be relieved to know that I passed that test, lol. Never been so happy to get a D+! And yes, I'm more into gifs now. What gave it away?----