Game of Thrones- Season 3, Episode 5

Kiss the Fire- This episode placed its focus squarely on a) foreshadowing and setting up certain events and b) character relationship development. It was a fairly action-packed episode for this show. Just about every storyline had a significant leap. This episode also contained what fangirls like to call "all the feels" for many different pairings and characters. Finally, we will remember this episode for the number of butts it showed.

Beric Dondarrion (eyepatch guy) and Sandor Clegane (The Hound) duel, and The Hound wins, making a truly nasty cut on Beric's shoulder. In a surprising twist for a show/books that usually take life from our characters, Thoros brings Beric back to life. We like Beric already.

Thoros has done this six times now, and Beric doesn't seem to love being undead. It changes you. Beric accepts it though, for now. It's really hard for us not to say spoily things about this whole thing (and many other things). Arya is frustratingly close to home. We are glad The Hound lived, although it would have been cool if Arya had stabbed him.

Thoros is going to take Arya to Robb and sell her back to him, and Gendry decides to stay and work for the Brotherhood as a blacksmith. All the Feels Moment #1: Arya wanting Gendry to come with her and offering to be his family. Leeard ships these two so hard. Maybe in due time? When Arya gets a little older?

Hey, who wanted to see Jaime's nasty, rotting stub? None of you? That's what we thought. Poor guy. He's on his way to being somewhat of a human being, but it sucks when you have to go through that much serious pain to get there. We guess Jaime is really attached to his useless right arm. Maybe he anticipates fixing a dagger or a hook to it?

All the Feels Moment #2: The bathtub scene. Even though people disagree on whether Jaime sees Brienne in a romantic way (or whether he should), nearly everyone loves their relationship. It's cool to see them earn each other's respect, even though they are so different. She is clearly good for him in that he takes significant steps toward, you know, being an actual human being while in her company.

Jaime explains to Brienne that stabbing the mad king in the back was kind of a good thing, and she seems to agree. Nikolaj acts better than we've ever seen him during this scene. Then he passes out and Brienne has to save him from drowning, just as he asks her to call him by his first name.

In the book, Jaime thinks, "She was strong and gentler than he would have thought. Gentler than Cersei." That's why we think that he could eventually see Brienne that way. Leeard does not ship these two, but Ern thinks he needs to tap someone, anyone, who is not his sister. Also, Brienne showed off a very pretty body. Hopefully that shuts up all our guy friends who can't get past their reaction of "ew, gross" whenever the character comes up in conversation.

It's about time Ygritte took Jon Snow's virginity. All the Feels Moment #3. It's realistic that Ygritte would be that thin, but wow. That was alarming. Almost unattractively thin, at least to our eyes. Those scenes were sweet, but we hardly saw a mother-effing thing. Okay, we are all watching Game of Thrones, so we obviously don't mind sex scenes.

That was so PG-13...oh wait. A woman was enjoying herself in the beginning, which automatically makes it NC-17 (y'all have seen "This Film is Not Yet Rated," right?) Still, we get to see dozens of nasty whore scenes, not to mention Theon drilling that one girl on the ship, and then we don't get to see a sex scene we'd actually like? Unfair.

Remember that dude with the son that Jaime killed? The one who freaked out? Well, he went and did it this time. After Robb's uncle brought him two young Lannister hostages that Robb didn't even want, the vengeful Karstark guy took about a handful of guys and killed the kids. Robb, Catelyn, and Talisa were upset, because they were innocent boys. Robb wanted justice. All the Feels Moment #4.

Talisa and Catelyn warned Robb that he would upset the Karstarks and lose half his army. Robb felt that he had to do the right thing and beheaded the Lord. The women were right about the consequences, so Robb has to change tactics and attack Casterly Rock, Tywin Lannister's home. He also mentioned using the Freys in some way. Robb is so hot. We love Robb.


We thought the show had cut Stannis Baratheon's sweet, but deformed daughter. His wife's creepiness rival's that of Cat's sister. Has the show properly explained why Davos is called The Onion Knight? We guess it doesn't matter much. Shireen is going to teach Davos to read. She's adorable. That's All the Feels Moment #5.

Having an Olenna/Tyrion scene was an inspired stroke. They are both so sarcastic and witty. However, we expected more from a scene with those two. It was just okay. At least Tyrion gets the Tyrells to pay for half of the royal wedding. Tyrion goes to his father with that news, all pleased, but of course his father doesn't give a crap.

Tywin has found out (in a hilarious way) that the Tyrells are planning to marry Sansa to Loras, stealing "the key to the North." Tywin points out an oft-ignored fact: If Sansa's brothers are dead, she is the heir to Winterfell. To keep Sansa in the family, Tywin orderes Tyrion to marry her. Tyrion feels awful about this. He's such a good guy (for a "lecherous little stump"). All the Feels Moment #6.

Who gets to marry Loras? Cersei. That will strengthen bonds with the Tyrells. Cersei is really upset. All the Feels Moment #7. Cersei loves Jaime, obviously, and she is traumatized from being sold off to Robert. Plus, everyone except Sansa knows that Loras is reeeeeal gay.

Cersei begs her father, sounding a little panicked, not to do this to her again, but Tywin is the biggest ass on the whole show except for his grandson. Joffrey, thankfully, was missing this week. We could have used more Margaery though. We luuuurrrve her.

Dany's army is grateful, and her two old guy allies are starting to bicker. There wasn't a boring moment in this episode. We like to touch base with Dany, even though nothing really happened with her this week. It's still good to see her. She's the character who is dropped the most often, isn't she?

We want to specifically warn you guys to stay away from spoilers and readers of the book. Leeard hasn't read the books, but she got spoiled by tumblr. You'll find out soon enough. You will want to kill yourself, like Leeard wanted to, if you get spoiled. (Leeard chose life, but Ern may still kill her for spoiling herself). We're going to discuss a big future event after the jump, so please don't read it if you haven't read the books.

Episode grade: A



Each year, this show has an eventful, awesome, gut-wrenching, slam-bangin', shocking, nauseating penultimate episode, then picks up the pieces in the finale. After seeing the episode titles, we're certain that this season will be having its climax at that traditional time. That means the big episode is only four weeks away.

The Red Wedding. We feel like throwing up in anticipation. That really disturbed Ern in the books when she read them years ago. We don't want to see it! But it's good for the series and shockingly awesome. We love it and we hate it. We mostly hate it because we love Robb Stark.

But the way Cat ends up? All vengeful and terrible and GROSS? That's gonna rock. Do you see the way this season set up everything with Shae turning on Tyrion ( Of course, the show previously set Shae up to be jealous of Sansa, which was a stroke of brilliance in character development), the undead, the wedding, etc? This show is so great. But we seriously don't want to watch the episode. We won't be able to stand it. So nervous.