A New Start- Tobias's first episode.
Ah! Just what the show needed right? A Tobias episode? Well, it's definitely an improvement over focusing on Michael, Lindsay, and George Sr., but it didn't meet our high expectations for a Tobias episode.
At the end of the season three finale, Lindsay is breaking up with Tobias and tells him that he is gay. Tobias is surprised to hear that people think this, and Lindsay assures him that this is a running joke in the family because of the misleading way in which Tobias speaks. The constant gay Freudian slips.
We love that this show doesn't make fun of Tobias for being gay, but rather for being in denial that he's gay.
We love that this show doesn't make fun of Tobias for being gay, but rather for being in denial that he's gay.
Tobias decides to seek his life's purpose and, like Lindsay, reads Eat, Pray, Love. We prefer the South Park version, Eat, Pray, Queef.
Like the writer of Eat, Pray, Love (and Lindsay), Tobias books a flight to India. He puts on a literal sheet over his cut-offs, as a sari. It's so sad.
He sets out on "a new start" and gets a license place that says "ANUSTART." We would give anything to have that license plate now. Of course, he passes Lindsay's cab while they both drive to the airport. They are on the same plane, and Tobias is the passenger sitting behind Lindsay who annoys her, but they never find out.
Since Lindsay and Tobias have identical suitcases, Tobias was the one who took her suitcase at the airport. He was also the tourist who got grazed by the bus Lindsay rode to her hotel.
In the hospital, the doctors laugh at him and suggest he become a comedy actor. After spending two weeks in the hospital, Tobias flies home. Later, he gets a call from Lindsay telling him that she wants to give the marriage another go.
At a family gathering, Lindsay and Tobias announce that they are back together. Tobias hires his real estate agent (Ed Helms) as his acting agent. Tobias's former agent works for Allstate. Ed Helms is tasked with firing him. Tobias sneaks onto film sets to hand out head shots.
At Thanksgiving, the Funke family unveils their duck, but it didn't even die in the oven. Its feathers are a little blackened. The Funkes take the duck to the local China Garden and have it cooked there.
After his real estate/acting agent dies, Tobias takes Lindsay to the methadone clinic that he thinks is an acting class. There, Tobias recognizes the junkie DeBrie as the actress who played Sue Storm 20 years ago in a rushed, low-budget version of the Fantastic Four produced by Imagine Entertainment.
Tobias also recognizes her from gay porn that's in denial about being gay porn. The entire time DeBrie is whacked out on methadone, Tobias thinks that she is acting and experimenting with improv, so he loves her.
In the bathroom of the Swappigans restaurant, DeBrie encourages Tobias to continue acting and to write scripts. Tobias kisses her. She says, "Maybe with someone like you, I can have a new start." Tobias thinks her saying that means they are meant to be together.
DeBrie passes out and her heart stops. Tobias takes her to the hospital, where she is called a butter face and revived. Unaware that Lindsay has already run off with Marky Bark, Tobias calls Lindsay and leaves a message saying that he's leaving her.
Because Tobias is in the hospital with DeBrie, he misses Lucille's hearing. DeBrie tests positive for several STDs (STDs/VDs for those of you who are behind the terminology times…why do they keep changing them?)
The doctor advises DeBrie to tackle her drug problem, to which Tobias replies, "You didn't tell me you have a drug problem!" Tobias, now clued into what he's been missing, concludes that DeBrie's drug use is a consequence of her abandoning her acting dreams.
Tobias decides that they should cash in on DeBrie's Fantastic Four "fame." They stand on the street with DeBrie dressed as Sue Storm and offer to take pictures with tourists.
When people want pictures of, you know, Jessica Alba as Sue Storm, DeBrie suggests she use her law degree to get a job. HA. Fat chance, in this economy with all the law competition. She's better of being an actress.
Tobias tells DeBrie not to settle, so the doctor and lawyer continue to stand on the street hoping someone will give them ten bucks for a picture. Tobias buys a costume so that he can be The Thing and draw more customers. He first tries to be "Johnny The Human Flamer" though.
DeBrie and Tobias are finally recognized for as their characters and are arrested for copyright violation. Tobias goes back to the abandoned Bluth apartment to ransack it, because he and his new lady love are broke. He finds it already ransacked.
Tobias hears what he thinks is two ostriches making love to a pop hit. But it's actually Lucille 2 being attacked by an ostrich in heat while a pop hit plays in the background. The lyrics are "Go away go away. Get away, Getaway. Stay away Getaway." This is funny later.
Tobias carries Lucille 2 to the hospital. He saved her from the ostrich before it had gotten through her second layer of makeup and actually damaged her skin. Tobias is proud of himself for acting like an actual superhero.
To think him for saving her, Lucille 2 offers Tobias a job as a real therapist in the rehab center she owns, Austerity. Tobias turns down the job, even though it pays $120,00 a year to start. DeBrie is disappointed.
DeBrie runs away crying, saying that Marky couldn't see her, but Tobias couldn't hear her. Hurt that he wouldn't take a good job after she almost sold her body for a hamburger, DeBrie goes back to her old partying ways.
She is soon picked up by a limo where she will be passed around between Hollywood creeps. If you listen closely, you will hear Gob's voice coming from the limo. We want a Gob episode by this point so badly that we ached when we heard that voice. Of course we recognized it when we first saw this episode! It's Gob!
Tobias waits for DeBrie for three weeks, wandering around, sadly, in his costume before deciding to find his daughter. Five years have passed since Lucille's first arrest.
Tobias drives up to the model home, which has been rented out to the crew of "John Beard's To Entrap a Local Predator: Supercreeps." The camera crew sees Tobias's license plate and one man says, "Looks like we got ourselves an anus tart!"
Tobias is wearing his Fantastic Four costume (The Thing), and he is on his way to reconnect with Maeby. He gives her a phone call and identifies himself as "Big Daddy."
He walks into the house and yells, "Is there a little girl here all by herself? Daddy needs to get his rocks off!" He is wearing shorts around the outside of his costume, by the way. Tobias is arrested as a sex predator, confused the entire time.
It's always funny how clueless Tobias is, but the only funny thing about this episode was the To Catch a Predator parody. The DeBrie stuff was a little dull and long-running, at least in this episode.
If this episode had been 20 minutes rather than 30, it would have been better.
Episode grade: B-
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