New Show: House of Lies

Neither of us were too inclined to watch this show. One blogger just had little interest in the topic and show in general, because she knew that it would have lots of pointless, gratuitous sex (she was right, by the way). Also, she heard that it would be hard to find characters to root for. These people lie to and screw over other people who lie and screw people over. The other blogger was wary of how Showtime would handle her actual (future) career. The presence of Kristen Bell and Don Cheadle won out though (mainly because Leeard misses Veronica Mars on a near-daily basis).

As a pilot, the episode basically served its purpose: we were introduced to the characters and got a glimpse into who they are.  Marty Kaan is a womanizing management consultant with a cross-dressing son (Roscoe), nosy father (Jeremiah), and competitive ex-wife (Monica). Marty works with Harvard alum Doug, goofy Clyde, and awesome Jeannie (Kristen Bell). Presumably, since their firm, Galweather & Stearn, got the contract and afterwork, we’ll be seeing MetroCapital’s Greg Norbert again.

What happened: Roscoe auditioned for, got, and subsequently lost the role of Sandy in his school’s production of Grease; Marty brought a stripper on a business dinner who then hooked up with Greg Norbert’s wife in the restaurant bathroom; and Marty won over the client by finding them a way to get what they want while saving face. Also, we found out that Monica works for a rival consulting firm, which failed to get MetroCapital as a client.

What we liked: Kristen Bell and Don Cheadle. They have great chemistry, and we love them both in almost anything. Also, Roscoe is adorable. We can definitely see him getting annoying in the future, but for right now, he’s enjoyable. One of us also really likes the concept of the show; the business world is fascinating, and consulting is rarely on television.

What we didn’t like: The breaking of the fourth wall. It reminded one of us of the first season of Sex and the City, and not in a good way. SatC realized it didn’t work, and hopefully House of Lies will too. We assume that once they’ve explained most of their terminology, the asides will be minimized. Also, there’s no way a management consultant would wear her hair like Jeannie does. This is a nitpicky point, but it jumped out at us as inauthentic. Consulting is an image-based business, and while Kristen Bell is always beautiful, there’s no way a consultant would have hair that sloppy, especially when trying to land a client as big as MetroCapital. 

Verdict: We hear it gets better, but right now, it’s not must-watch TV. We’ll give it a few more episodes until we decide to drop or keep it.

Episode Grade: B-

I did not cry when the Challenger exploded

Once Upon a Time - Desperate Souls

Well, a good thing finally happened! Emma beat Sidney in the election for sheriff. Here’s hoping that means she will get a new jacket to wear. We are really starting to hate that red one. We were missing Graham, naturally, but this was still a good, heartfelt episode for the show to come back on. It’s about time we heard about Rumpel’s backstory. We thought it was really good, but it could have been better. It was almost creepy enough. We feel like the show needs to dip a little into the macabre, Brothers Grimm-style, but that might hurt its appeal with families, which is what is keeping it high in the ratings. We liked Gold’s manipulative plan and how Emma fell right into it with honesty. We like that Henry said Gold is worse than Regina. We need a big bad who is not her. She doesn’t scare us. Don’t get us wrong: we hate her. But we’re not scared of her. She’s a whiner.
Episode grade: B+

The Good Wife - "Alienation of Affection"

This one was intense. Our love for Carey just grew stronger with his pithy, brave little speech in his deposition. We also love Will’s choice of a lawyer, Elsbeth Tascioni,  She’s weird, brilliant, and tough. Will has this one in the bag. Elsbeth is just the person to stare down that awful hag, Wendy Scott Carr. That fight just got more interesting ... We're wondering, as near-professional women, is Alicia’s red suit appropriate for an attorney to wear? It’s super cute and we look good in red, but we think it’s questionable. Let us know what you think about that, if you know. We were chuckling at Diane’s new suitor. We like him and we hope they at least have a fling for a couple of episodes. Diane is really growing on us.
Episode grade: A-

Shameless - “Summertime”

This episode felt familiar. Frank owes someone money and gets the family into trouble, so the family has to march down and fix it. It’s actually a good episode for anyone trying to jump in on the show. If you can enjoy this episode, you will enjoy the rest of them. We were disappointed with Fiona for being co-dependent and not leaving town in the finale, but we understand that she cares for her siblings’ welfare before her own mental and emotional health. Justin Chatwin was absent this week, and we have a feeling that his return will be a high point the show wants to build to a little more. Frank and the family are still funny (the back of Frank's sign!), and we enjoyed seeing everyone’s summer jobs. The show is still fun. Maybe it’s even more fun, because it seemed less sad/more light-hearted. Poverty and addiction never felt less depressing. Maybe it’s because we all feel that each and every one of these kids are going to be alright, and Frank will keep doing what he’s doing, which is fine by us. All the kids have smarts and potential, which is completely unrealistic. They should be way more messed-up.

There’s still lots of debauchery to be had. Frank’s bar bet was pretty good. We could have told him it was a bad idea, had we been there. Tasers don’t always take people down when they are angry, filled with adrenaline, very large, or just badass. We wonder where the show is going from here and if the characters are ever going to change or have some sort of arc, as people. We like what they are doing with Lip in the academic world and we like that Cash is done living a lie (not that we think his decision was kind; we just like it for the show). Overall, this is a remake done right and we will be sticking around this season for more.
Episode grade: B

The Firm - Pilot

This one wasn’t bad, but it’s going to have to get a lot better to earn our viewership. Leeard already has Suits and Ern already has The Good Wife. We tend to like our legal shows in small doses. Plus, it’s been ages since the original The Firm movie that this is based on, and even longer since the book (both of which are better than this show). Does anyone still care about these characters? How many of you remember them? How many of you saw that movie in the first place. This might have been a good idea right after the movie, but now it just feels like one legal show too many.

All this show really did was remind us that we kind of want to be private investigators for attorneys, like Kalinda. There are a lot of storylines at work here, and one of them could get interesting. But this two-hour pilot didn’t win us over. We don’t like the main character either, nor do we find him particularly original or interesting. There were also too many flashbacks. However, there is potential here. We have a good premise. We may check back later (when there is a whole season to binge on), but, for now, we aren’t watching it. If you love legal shows, check it out yourself. It’s decent if you have room for another lawyer/shady firm show in your life. We really don't.
Episode grade: C+

This week's midseason premieres

How I Met Your Mother - Tailgate

This week, Ted told the story of Marshall telling the story of everyone’s New Year’s Eve. Stop telling stories within stories! This whole show is a story! For the midseason premiere, Robin still looked dumpy and was still mostly sad, but it’s good to see her career getting some life in it. We want to see some success for Robin after her woes earlier this season. Ted’s James Joyce commentary made us chortle, and the single audible laugh that escaped our lips was during the “Puzzles montage” of everything going wrong in Ted’s new bar. This episode wasn’t bad or annoying, but it won’t be one to remember. We DID tear up a little when Lily’s dad drove all night to see her though, as completely expected as it was.
Episode grade: C+

Revenge - Duress

Can we be Nolan’s beards? Please? We won’t ask any questions. We are getting pretty sick of the flashforwards on this show. It might be the only thing that Leeard dislikes about it. "Truth or Die" was a great game idea, Tyler, but it didn’t last long enough. No one told the truth and no one died. There was a lot of potential here with no pay off. And after they built it up with the flashforward… Ugh.
Episode grade: B-

Happy Endings - The Shrink, the Dare, her Date and her Brother

One thing we want to say about this show in general: You can’t half watch it. You have to pay attention and look at the screen. The jokes fly by fast and the characters are so zany, that if you are only listening, they can grate. If you are watching, focused, it’s one of the best comedies on TV right now. This episode was pretty good. Are Penny and Dave on now? Dave seems to be pretty over Alex. We hope Alex stays cute and that the show doesn’t make her a stereotypical stupid blonde…
Episode grade: B

The Vampire Diaries - The New Deal

Everyone knows we choke our chickens to this show. Which is why Ern is annoyed that so much of this episode felt like filler. TVD premieres usually knock our socks off, but we didn’t feel the threat when Klaus went after the gang. We worried about Alaric a little, because we love him so much, but we didn’t really think he was going to die. Ern may never like Tyler. There wasn’t enough (or any) Caroline. Something needs to change with this stalemate thing. The last couple of minutes were amazing though. OBVIOUSLY the kiss was the moment that Delena fans (us) have been waiting for. It was perfect. It took three seasons to have a decent kiss where no one was dying and no one was Katherine. It made sense that Elena and Damon had to get to this place of friendship and this place of Stefan being a douche in order to share that moment. We are getting a little sick of Klaus. He’s such a whiner. Bring on someone or something scarier. We got teary when Elena sent Jeremy away though. Just about no one thinks that plan will work in the long run, but it was a good idea (and honestly probably should've happened in the first season).
Episode grade: B- Last five minutes grade: A+

Parenthood - Road Trip

Is it just us, or did Parenthood feel a little too “sweet family special” this week? And Christina should NOT have caved. We loved when Adam got miffed at his daughter for spending all her time texting. We also get annoyed with people who pick phones over people who are actually present. Sarah was funny in this episode. But everything else was a little too sweet and perfect.
Episode grade: B-

Grey’s Anatomy - Suddenly

This might be the best midseason premiere of the week. We got a whole lot of depressing stuff, followed by one of the happiest moments on the show, ever. That’s how you tug heartstrings, show! Mix the bitter with the sweet. The family of patients and the oldest daughter’s passage into adulthood was inspired. We loved the glass in the youngest daughters eye and the way the show turned Mark’s girlfriend into an adorable, competent person, rather than someone for Lexie to just bean with softballs. We hope she sticks around…and doesn’t become annoying. Speaking of annoying, April still hasn’t grown on us after all this time. We loved Cristina’s impression of her voice. Spot freaking on. Way to keep it together and pretend to have fun during an impossible surgery, Cristina. And Owen should NOT have been mad at Cristina for breaking the news to Teddy. Yang kept her mouth shut long enough. We are really glad that Teddy didn’t freak out on Cristina like we expected from this show. Ben and Bailey are still an ongoing storyline. Stupid. We are glad the show made us think that Meredith and Derek really wouldn’t get Zola before giving Zola back to them. Teary eyes and lots of happiness ensued in our living rooms. Love Mommy Meredith.
Episode grade: A-

Secret Circle - Darkness

Diana’s grandmother came to town to thicken the plot and try to kill Cassie, to test Cassie and awaken her powers. Why are even the grandparents on this show more attractive than your average 25-year-old? This episode was good but we feel like the show is saving much of the forward-moving action for later episodes. We like Melissa starting to blow off Faye. We don’t need a circle member who amounts to little more than a sidekick, and Melissa has shown the potential to be our favorite Circle member. Charles and Dawn are on the outs too, which should be interesting. Cassie using her black magic on Adam after losing her temper was intense. Maybe this darkness is something to watch out for…
Episode grade: B+

Angry Boys - Episode 1

Chris Lilley of Summer Heights High has another show and it’s airing in the U.S. for the first time on HBO. We checked out the first episode, but internet-savvy readers will be able to find the whole first season on the web. This show features Lilley in playing multiple parts while spoofing the “culture” of modern young men. It’s pretty weird and not as funny as Summer Heights High yet. Nothing can really beat Mr. G, can it?

Lilly plays Nathan and Daniel Sims, 17-year-old twin brothers who aspire to run their dead father’s farm. Nathan is 90% deaf…and getting deafer every day. Daniel spends most of his time mocking Nathan. Nathan flips birds most of the time in response to everything.

The accents help this show be funny, and so does the profanity and the characters’ generally terrible attitudes. In Daniel, we have potential for another Jonah Takaluah. There is a lot of potential in the nearly silent Nathan as well. A lot of the humor feels forced at this point though, but it's good for a 28-minute pilot. It's crass, politically incorrect, and irreverent (all of which we love). 

Nathan and Daniel have a grandmother, also played by Lilley. “Gran” is an officer at the local Juvenile Justice Center. She is pretty racist but “gets results” for the justice center by being both mind-bogglingly mean and weirdly kind to the inmates. She makes them pajamas and does karaoke for them. Gran also has 23 guinea pigs. Later in the show, the boys’ favorite rapper will appear (also Lilley).

Overall, this isn’t something that we are going to follow weekly. On a rainy day, we will watch the full first season. If you liked Summer Heights High or are a fan of that kind of humor, this is a good pick. It’s not as good as SHH yet (if you haven't seen THAT show, we recommend it), but we can see Angry Boys getting funnier as the characters are fleshed out more. We like Lilley and we will definitely watch this one summer when we have more time.

Episode grade: B

Community will be back this season!

The excellent Christmas episode will not be the last we see of Community and NBC will also be moving it to a new time slot, far from The Big Bang Theory. Yay! No news of a fourth season yet though.

The Lying Game - O Twin, Where Art Thou?

After this episode, we are wondering if we should drop this as a weekly show. It was entertaining enough during the summer, but set up against regular shows? It’s not looking as good now that we are out of the summer drought. The episode was hard to stay with and get engaged in. Mostly nothing happened in the episode. The music was soapy and so was the acting. The episode was all set-up for future events with few forward-moving plot developments. This show is really dragging things out. We can't believe this was a midseason premiere!

After taunting us with the possibility of Annie Hobbs hitting town, instead we got Char’s aunt, Rebecca, who isn’t as interesting as we wanted her to be. So far anyway. She did get Char’s mom sent to rehab for being a drunk. After taunting us with the possibility of Emma confessing, Emma’s lips are sealed again. Will this show run out of story once all its secrets are out? Vampire Diaries this is not.

It’s ridiculous that Thayer was able to shake Emma’s core with his ridiculous Ethan theory. It’s also ridiculous that anyone believed Ethan’s implausible “glory days” lake story. Also, note to Char’s mom: Way to set an example for your kid. If you are hateful and unforgiving with your own family members, your kids are going to notice and think that’s normal.

We can’t believe Laurel lost the bracelet! We still love her though. The bracelet stuff annoyed us for most of the episode but ended up being interesting. Justin seems to have some guilt about his mom’s death and the fact that the bracelet was his mom's was a secret? What’s going on there?

This episode was Suttonless. But Emma received a piece of Sutton’s dress and a threat that said, “Keep being Sutton, or you’re next.” Hmm. The plot thickens, but the twin charade part of the show is probably going to stick around. No one in the Mercer family is figuring out who Emma is any time soon, unfortunately. You could probably skip this episode and just watch the recap next week, if you hadn’t already seen it. Except for the final few minutes and a little Rebecca/Alex co-scheming, this episode was a slow waste of time.

Episode grade: D+

Pretty Little Liars - Through Many Dangers, Toils, and Snares.

One month after the midseason finale, the girls are on the highway picking up garbage, a punishment for “tampering with evidence.” Spencer and Emily get into a fight and are assigned two additional weeks of community service. It seems the girls are on the outs. Or are they? No. Spencer planned to pretend that Emily was cut out of the group so that A would target Emily, and the girls could be one-up on A. If A thought Emily was an outsider, A might try to turn her. A took the bait.

Spencer refuses to take Toby back, and it’s heartbreaking. Aria has also cut off Ezra, which is less heartbreaking. Ezra finds out about Jackie Molina’s blackmailing and decides to come clean to the Montgomery parents about his love for their daughter. They take the news badly, and even though we are not fans of this couple, we still felt bad for them in this scene. You should really watch it yourselves if you haven’t. Ezra got points for nutting up and telling the Montgomery’s. Mike hit Ezra in the face so that his dad wouldn’t. In general, it was pretty great.

Hanna has been spending time with Lucas while Caleb was in California with his mom. Caleb returned to town, much to Lucas’ disappointment, even though Caleb and Lucas are still friends (and living together). Also moving to Rosewood are Hanna’s dad, his new wife, and Kate. Gross. Yep, Hanna got the wedding canceled, but the marriage still happened at city hall once Hanna’s dad fixed the relationship.

Emily and A planned to meet alone in a greenhouse. Emily pretended that she and the other girls had evidence implicating A. Emily taunted A before revealing that she had nothing. The other three girls were late to the meet-up site, ruining everything. A attacked Emily, but the girls arrived long enough to break up the fight. They were too late to catch A and find out A’s identity though, naturally. A ran away, but not before being hit (lightly) with Hanna’s car. Amazing. The girls ended up with A’s cell phone, which A dropped. That should go to Lucas, right? He’ll hack that action. (Sidenote: um no, they should go to Caleb. Apparently the first blogger doesn't remember Caleb's mad phone-hacking skills).

This was an intense premiere worthy of the show. Let the countdown to catching A (at the end of this season) begin. We think this episode proved that Emily is hardly weak. Also, one of us has decided that A is tiny. Not an adult male, that's for sure.

Episode grade: A-

New Year's Resolutions

-To blog more
-To watch and review all the new midseason shows
-To stop dating guys who, when you ask what their favorite show is, reply, "I don't watch TV," as if that's going to impress us. We've decided they haven't seen TV, because if they had, they would know it's great.
-To get into Castle and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
-To get more people to watch The Vampire Diaries (Did Ern successfully get her 19-year-old brother to watch the whole first season this week? Yes, and he has a man-crush on Stefan.)

Movies that made an impression in 2011

Our top ten favorite movies of the year

10. The Tree of Life - We reviewed this movie here. It was totally weird and not for everyone, but it was original and we loved the message. The first half was laughable and the second half was pretty dang good. The movie rang true to life and was a great visual experience for people who like movies off the beaten path with little dialogue. Ultimately, it was deep and life-affirming, with good performances and lots of guts. 

9. Crazy Stupid Love - There’s a lot here to mock. The public love declarations, predictability, and anything with the cringe-worthy babysitter. But one of us thought this movie was sweet and funny. The performances were also good. Can anything with Steve Carell, Emma Stone, and Ryan Gosling be BAD? The answer is no. This was the second-best romantic comedy of the year.

8. Paranormal Activity 3 - Leeard and Ern saw this one together. We feel that it is vastly superior to the first one, where the two most annoying people in the world were terrorized and TOTALLY DESERVED IT. We liked the characters in this offering and thought the movie had enough scares to make it worthwhile. We were creeped out and we left still feeling creeped out/bummed.

7. Bridesmaids - The Hangover this is NOT, and those saying it was a female version of that movie did Bridesmaids a disservice. What the movie actually was: An adult romantic comedy with ample memorable comedic performances from women, along with a mature friendship and one of the tackiest weddings we've ever seen on film. Yeah, there are laughs. But you don’t see anyone’s penis or Mike Tyson’s tiger. Ern didn't like Melissa McCarthy because of Gilmore Girls (whatever, Ern. You're crazy). Ern thought that character was annoying. But Melissa proved herself to everyone in Bridesmaids, and just about no one disagrees.

6. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Ern has read and hates the book. The writing is as dry as it gets, and it’s bad writing on top of that. The heart and soul of this story is the main female character, Lisbeth Salander, which is why the movie was better than the book. We got to see a performance worthy of the character. Yes, we’ve seen Miss Noomi Rapace in the Swedish versions, and she was great, but we think Rooney Mara topped her. We also liked Daniel Craig’s warmer Mikael Blomkvist and the simpler, clearer plot. If you can go without reading the book first, David Fincher’s direction and vision elevate the source material. The only thing you should know is that there is a rape scene and those disturb just about everyone. It’s necessary to the trilogy and tone of the movie, though. We both understand why it happened, it's just our opinion that it's better to go in expecting something that violent and graphic - that's not a great surprise to see in a movie. This is dark dark dark, but worth seeing.

5. The Descendants - For a movie with its dark subject matter, this one had enough humor to balance that out. The performances were all great (who knew anyone on Secret Life could act?!! - Sidenote: THE OTHER BLOGGER, SUCK IT ERN.), and this movie was something that we could enjoy with our families who don’t mind a little bad language. Thoughtful family movies with pretty scenery never go out of style.

4. X-Men: First Class- Ern nerded out over this movie so hard. She saw it multiple times and then bought it. This movie made an impact because it let everyone who hasn’t been watching indies know how sexy and talented Michael Fassbender is, especially when you are writing slash fiction in your head featuring his co-star, James McAvoy, who is always hot. It also reinvigorated a franchise that was getting decidedly sucky, movie-wise. The X-Men deserved better, and they got better here. This movie didn’t have the budget of Captain America or Green Lantern, but it had the script, the humor, and the talent, which top special effects for us any day. Our only complaint is that the Xavier/Magneto friendship was supposed to last YEARS, not days. Ugh. Bring back the bromance!

3. Hanna -  Saoirse Ronan is gorgeous, talented, and super weird. We’re surprised Hollywood even likes her. We always enjoy Eric Bana and almost always enjoy Cate Blanchett (Indiana Jones was the exception - that wasn't entirely her fault though). This movie was unique. The script and dialogue were great (“I don’t wear makeup. I think it’s deceitful. This is my face, take it or leave it"). There was plentiful humor and action. It’s a lot better than the trailer makes it look. We really don't want to say anything else about it and spoil what it's like.

2. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - This movie was a joy to watch. We liked the changes, because it made the events surprising even to those who have read the book multiple times (us). We don’t think Alan Rickman is the best onscreen crier in the world, but the rest of his acting was spot-on, which is important because Snape’s backstory is so much the heart of the film. Whether you were disappointed with the adaptation or not, you have to admit that the end of our childhoods was memorable and bittersweet. One of us thought it was perfect; one of us thought it was good enough. Both of us will own it and watch it over and over and over...

1. Drive - This movie showed us that our attention span has been shot to hell. It had pacing that tried our patience while it tried to go for building intensity. It succeeded in building intensity, but we were annoyed waiting for the camera to cut to the next scene while it would linger after the action was clearly over. Don’t let that stop you from seeing this movie, because it’s number one for a reason. The second half was kick-ass and we got to see people killed in creative ways. Ok, that sounded really bad. We just thought the action scenes were scenes that we haven’t seen before. Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, and Bryan Cranston are great, as always. The opening sequence is pretty widely considered the best of the year.

If we had a top 20, these would be the rest: Moneyball (Brad Pitt brought it this year), Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Hugo, Friends with Benefits, Our Idiot Brother, Limitless, The Lincoln Lawyer, The Help (our favorite performance was Octavia Spencer's), Jane Eyre (Mia Wasikowska was the best Jane we've ever seen). MI4 was entertaining too.

We still need to see: War Horse, Melancholia, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, The Muppets, Shame,  We Bought a Zoo, Fast Five, A Dangerous Method, Like Crazy, Martha Marcy May Marlene, Sherlock Holmes 2

These are the ones that we will remember for being bad. We didn’t go see Jack and Jill, Pirates, Transformers, or anything like that, because we try to avoid bad movies. But these are the bad ones that slipped through the cracks of our judgment. Sadly, we saw them. Battle Los Angeles (boring), Bad Teacher (not funny enough), Green Lantern (bland), Captain America (disappointing trailer for another movie), Super 8 (not original enough), Source Code (depressing - we disagree on this one. Leeard really enjoyed it), The Adjustment Bureau (anticlimactic), I Am Number Four (boring AND unoriginal), Unknown (stupid and had January Jones), Arthur (not funny enough), and The Rite (slow and not scary). Actually, we wouldn't say Captain America and Super 8 were as bad as the others. They just should have been sooooo much better.

Overall, we think TV topped movies this year, but there were a few good offerings. 2012 is going to ROCK as far as movies go (Dark Knight Rises, The Hunger Games, The Avengers, The Amazing Spiderman, The Hobbit, Snow White and the Hunstman), so TV will have to bring it.

UPDATE
-----------------
Ern saw Warrior and would now rank that at #3.

American Horror Story - Afterbirth

Constance has been babysitting the new baby for Ben while Ben gets his affairs in order and prepares to move out of the Murder House. She cautions Ben to keep himself and the baby out of the house, because the house’s “forces” want to hurt the baby. Ben sees a picture of Tate and blames Constance for all of his family’s woes, tells her off, and peaces out.

Vivian and Moira are getting along as dead people. Moira tells Viv that Ben can’t see them unless Viv wants him to. Viv explains that this would be bad, because Ben would want to stay in the house with them, when he should really get out. Ben sits on the couch, in the house, that night and puts a gun to his head. Viv appears to Ben and tells him to live on and raise the baby. Even though it’s not his, it is Vivian’s (and Tate's), after all. Ben reconciles with Violet and makes out with Viv. The two disappear and Ben grabs the baby and walks toward the front door.

Sadly, and surprisingly, Hayden kills him, making it look like a suicide. Constance ends up with the baby, hiding him. Marcy sells the house to a new family, the Ramoses, who have one son, Gabe. He skateboards and he utters the words, “I don’t believe in ghosts,” so we are really surprised he lived. The Ramos family gets driven away by the Harmons and the rest of the good ghosts, who realize that the family shouldn’t stay in the house, especially since they are trying to have a baby. It’s sweet, in a morbid way. The good ghosts get their scary on and drive the family out, screaming.

Tate tries to apologize to Ben and own up to his sins. Ben counters with, “Therapy doesn’t really work. It’s just for people who can’t own up to their own problems.” We groaned, because we know plenty of people who NEED therapy who think this is the case. It’s not. It’s only if you see a crappy therapist like Ben that therapy is useless. If you’re not getting better, getting good tools, or getting good feedback in a reasonable amount of time, onto the next therapist. We don’t hate Ben, like lots of this show’s fans. We feel bad for him. He had demons and he was trying to fight them. But then he got a stalker and a haunted house. The guy couldn’t win.

Viv’s other baby took one breath outside the womb, so now he will live in the Murder House as a one-day-old infant forever. Wow, that’s really hard luck. Nora gives Viv the baby after realizing that she doesn’t have the patience for motherhood. Moira becomes the baby’s godmother and the Harmons decorate a Christmas tree. It’s a happy ending, while Tate and Hayden sulk outside, rejected. The Harmons have realized the importance of family and died loved. Tate and Hayden are being punished for being jerks. Three years later, Constance has a toddler (Vivian and Tate's demon spawn) who killed his babysitter.

We thought the finale was satisfying, conclusive, and set up a second season really well. We like this show. Ern still has the gripe that this show has never effectively scared, shocked, or creeped her out. They are going to have to try a little subtlety if they want to do that. However, the ratings are great, the show is a hit, and we were both entertained all season. We were glad that Constance didn’t die. We will absolutely be back for next season. This is an easy show to watch, and we want to see how Ryan Murphy thinks he can top this, content-wise.

Those curious about season two MUST read this: http://insidetv.ew.com/2011/12/22/american-horror-story-season-tw/. One of us is pretty upset.

Episode grade: A-

Season grade: B+

TV That Made an Impression This Year

 Memorable TV of 2011

The newbies

Once Upon a Time - Arguably the best new network show of the fall season. It brought our beloved LOST writers back to TV and, once again, gave them two worlds to juggle. While we were stunned by the midseason finale, we have to admit it was ballsy and a good episode. Just about everyone loves a good fairy tale, and while critics thought this one was going to be too weird for audiences, the show proved them wrong. This year, this show taught us that viewers want something different and something that the whole family can watch. But not something that infantilizes the audience, like Terra Nova (which one of us likes).

Homeland - Arguably the best new cable show of the fall season. The tension, the characters, the acting, and the writing were all top notch. This show proved that people will be engrossed by complicated characters over flash.

New Girl - This show put quirky, “adorkable,” and weird front-and-center and thus garnered lots of young fans. While this show is groan-inducing because Jess SINGS HER OWN THEME SONG and the character is basically an exaggerated version of the already-existing Zooey Deschanel, we don’t care. We love it. She’s bringing femininity back with her clothes and innocence back with her optimistic attitude. Best of all, the show is funny and the supporting cast is good too. Leeard loves this show so much, that she let's Ern know "I love this show" every time she watches it. Ern knows, dammit.

Happy Endings - This was the only Friends copycat in the recent year that survived, and thank God, because the others were terrible. This one has funny writing with lines that are sometimes said too fast. However, you know a comedy is bringing funny back when it redeems Elisha Cuthbert for a 24 fan.

American Horror Story - We didn’t think a TV show that relied on a shock a minute would work. We thought this would be too much. And yeah, we were right. But we were also entertained for weeks. There’s never been a TV show like this, for better or worse. We don’t want to give anything away for people who haven’t seen it, but this show is not afraid to kill. And it’s not afraid to go to the most messed-up place possible in order to make us s*** our pants in fear.

Revenge - We’ve talked to multiple guys who say that this show hooked them. Stephen King even likes it. It’s rare that a soap aimed at girls can grab just about everyone, but this one did it. It has few (if any) haters, redeemed a so-so actress, and brought us Nolan. The lead is likeable, even though she is bent on revenge. We understand her, but we can’t predict her. It’s one of the better primetime soaps in a while. At first, we thought it was going to be a predictable revenge procedural, but then they brought out the real Emily and things started getting crazy good.

The Playboy Club - This show sucked, and the American audience let everyone know that Hugh Hefner and Playboy are gross, not things that we can emotionally invest in. Thank you, American public, for once. Besides, the show was too tame for the people who would be edgy and liberal enough to embrace it. We will remember this show for being lame and being over very quickly. It wasn’t smart enough to be Mad Men.

Charlie’s Angels - This was one of the worst shows we have ever seen, and that’s saying something. It wasn’t even bad in a fun way. It was just unwatchable. We will remember this for ruining Charlie’s Angels for us forever.

Enlightened - Apparently, this show got good after we dropped out and has been renewed. It made an impression as an off-the-wall, female-driven comedy, and we can respect that. The pilot almost worked, so we can see that it might be worthwhile if it got better, which apparently it has. We’ll be checking it out.

The Killing - We were never under the impression that the mystery would be solved at the end of the first season anyway, so we don’t share everyone else’s rage that we didn’t find out who murdered Rosie. And we don’t care what anyone else says: We think that acting was good. But this show provided a warning to showrunners everywhere: Give us answers, or you will become a joke.

The Chicago Code - A good show that got axed too soon.  Good acting, good villain (especially in the first few episodes, when you weren't 100% sure he was bad), and a satisfying finale, for a show that really could have (and should have) gone on longer.

Game of Thrones - Arguably the best new show of the year, Ern even thought it surpassed the book in enjoyability. Shut up, that’s a word. It stayed true to the book, down to lots of the dialogue, and didn’t hesitate to pull off the book’s infuriating, shocking twists. Nerds have been suffering without intelligent science fiction and fantasy on TV these days, and HBO jumped to fill the void. The details and visuals of the world HBO created was admirable. They didn’t half-ass this. And no one will forget the episode “Baelor” that shocked all the show’s fans who hadn’t read the book.

Off the Map - We will remember this show for being decent and for delivering one of the most unsatisfying conclusions to a series of all time. We still miss this show. It had a pretty and talented cast that needs to get hired again by other shows, ASAP. They deserved better. It was just as good as some seasons of Grey’s and Private Practice! Why didn’t those fans jump on this show? Maybe too much of a popular thing is just too much.

Shameless - This show redeemed Emmy Rossum for us after she came out with that hideous music that didn’t show off her classical voice. Seeing her slumming it in this show and taking care of her siblings was a good trainwreck. We loved everyone in this twisted family, and we will be returning for another visit when the show starts up again. This show was very easy to watch and proved once again that remaking British shows works a lot of the time. Unless it’s Skins. That was a bad idea. People don’t like shows that only exist to shock and stir up controversy. There has to be more to it than that. With Shameless, there was.

The Returning Shows

Breaking Bad - This season perfected the slow burn. Just when we thought this show couldn’t get any better, it masterfully crafted a fustercluck for the ages with Tarantino-like crazy moments. The acting, of course, remained incredible. It was probably the most quality TV this year. Sons of Anarchy lost that award with its snooze-inducing finale. Breaking Bad’s finale left us gasping.

The Office - This was the year that we said goodbye to Michael Scott, which is memorable in itself. His exit was perfect. We also think that the show found a way to be decent again, even without him. It certainly isn’t as bad as The Office’s horrific season six, which had no funny episodes even with Michael. We thought this show was dead, but it may still have life.

Two and a Half Men - This show was already bad and creepy. How many jokes about whores and poop can they do? Those seem to be limitless. Now, the show has betrayed even its most ardent fans by ruining John Cryer’s character. We were told that Alan contemplated STEALING from Ashton Kutcher’s character. Now, fans of this show are stupid. But they don’t deserve to have the character they loved for being a stand up guy turn into Charlie Sheen. The show could have thought of a better way to introduce Ashton’s character. The ratings are still good, but we know the fans are disappointed.

Glee - Made an impression by taking a sweet, believable show and turning it into what we saw this year. A hot and cold, uneven pile of crazy with exactly no likeable characters and mostly bad music.

Parks and Recreation - This year in Parks and Recreation was perfect, especially Lil Sebastian’s funeral. This comedy proves that you don’t have to be mean or sarcastic to be funny. In fact, the characters can be sweet and all love each other. It’s a breath of fresh air.

Friday Night Lights - A solid season ended with a perfect, bittersweet finale. We miss that show.

Big Love - A weird season that ended with a finale we really didn’t like. We know the show ended up being about the family, and that whoever didn’t get that just missed the point. But somewhere around season three, it looked like the show was going to be about Nicki’s awakening to love and real independence. Then she backslid and became first wife. Then Bill died and it just felt like they killed him just so that they would have something to do for an ending. We guess the finale scene with the women was sweet though. And we miss this show too. Also, what happened to Joey? Why did this show waste our lives with him and then just have him just disappear?

Community - The Dungeons and Dragons episode and the one with the multiple timelines were two of the most perfect comedy episodes we’ve encountered. Ever. This show stumbled a little in the beginning of its third season, but for the year overall, it produced creative, funny episodes. Oh oh! Also there was the one where Pierce was “dying” and bequeathed gifts to his study group. Classic. Then the Christmas episode happened, and we just had no words. This show is the best, and if it leaves us forever, at least it went out like that. But it better not leave us forever.

The Good Wife - This is the year that it finally grabbed us. It was always good and watchable, but in 2011, we saw Will and Alicia finally hook up, the cases seemed to get better, we got more Eli Gold, and everything just seemed to get more fast-paced and entertaining. Bravo, show.

Are there any shows that you think made a splash this year? Probably Boardwalk Empire. Yep. We spoiled ourselves there, so we know what happened. Wowser. Should the Grey's Anatomy musical episode have made this list?

Dexter Season Six Discussion

Dexter had its finale on Sunday night, so now it’s time for us to look back on the entire season and tell you what we think worked and didn’t work. We think this was Dexter’s weakest season. We don’t think it was terrible TV, because we watched and enjoyed it, for the most part, but last season was better and season four was DEFINITELY better. This season just seemed unnecessary in terms of the show’s growth and the characters’ journeys. At least season five, the Lumen season, stretched Deb and Dexter, even though it was muted compared to the Trinity killer stuff that came before it.

What worked: Debra Morgan as Lieutenant
It’s nice when Deb grows AND has something to do. We liked seeing her in charge, because she always acted like she was anyway. The job fit her and she deserved it. She did a good job. Watching her curse people out while she was in charge made her seem authoritative, rather than whiny.

What didn’t work: That the religion wasn’t edgy enough
The show tried to tackle religion and didn’t say anything new. It didn’t even say something old in a new way. We expected Dexter to push buttons a little more, but the season was just lightly religion-themed, rather than something that could make anyone think. We guess that’s fine if you just want to be entertained rather than be made uncomfortable. We always want people to bring on the discomfort.

What worked: Mos Def
Mos Def’s touching, courageous character and his portrayal added to the show, because it showed the good side of faith. We had the crazy side of faith with DDK, but with Brother Sam, we saw how faith can change lives for the better. It is one of the things, if not the only thing, that can take a hardened criminal or killer and give his heart a 180. We would argue that after Mos Def died, the season took a turn for the sucky. He was keeping the season good. Without him, we were lost.

What didn’t work: Masuka’s first intern
The first one was so stupid. The second one just hasn’t paid off yet. We’re annoyed that we have to wait until the next season to see what his deal was. This season, it just felt like he was wasting our time.

What worked: DDK at the beginning
In the beginning of the season, DDK went all Se7en with their killings, making them both creative and meaningful. Putting the snakes in the man’s belly and recreating the four horsemen was nasty fun. If only all of their killings had been that disgusting and jarring.

What didn’t work: DDK at the end
Neither of those actors are remotely scary or charismatic. They don’t command the screen, and that’s something you need in a Big Bad. Then they had that ridiculous twist that we all saw coming. Ok, some people didn’t, but they obviously haven’t seen enough TV yet. Can we all just put the “HE WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME” and “it was all in his head THE WHOLE TIME” twists to bed? It was great (and pretty surprising) when The Sixth Sense did the dead thing. That’s still one of our favorite movies for the jolts, the acting, the emotional depth, and the twist. But it’s over, people. And Fight Club had the best “he was crazy the whole time” twist. If you can’t beat it, leave it alone.

What worked: Debra Morgan finding out that Dexter is a killer
That last scene was incredible and so was Deb’s face. After the Lumen season, we knew that Deb was going to find out Dexter’s secret eventually, but we didn’t see it coming in the last seconds of the finale. What a cliffhanger! We’ve really been waiting for this, so we’re elated that the show finally delivered it unto its fans. Granted, it should have happened at the very end of the Lumen season. We felt like we were treading water through this whole DDK season. Here’s hoping Dexter’s secret will kill off that pesky crush. Speaking of…

What didn’t work: Debra loves Dexter
UGH. We’ve been over this, but as people with siblings, IF OUR SIBLINGS TOLD US THEY LOVED US, WE WOULD FREAK THE F OUT. Gross gross gross. And it wouldn’t matter if it somehow came out that we weren’t blood related. Just growing up as siblings ruins it. Deb should know this, the skanky, twisted ho. The icing on the worst cake ever was when Deb screamed overdramatically to her therapist, “I finally told my brother that I love him and he said he loves me back!… I’m in love with him!” This just doesn’t fit the show. They already had a neat sibling relationship, and now that’s ruined. This whole plotline would have to have been handled perfectly for it to work, and it wasn’t. It came out of nowhere and wasn’t hinted at in previous years (or even in the first half of THIS season). We could have gotten behind it if the writers had the sense to make it believable. But they didn’t. And we are just disturbed.

What worked: Keeping the side characters on the side
Hey, guess what this season didn’t waste our time with? Batista’s love life. We felt like all the characters we didn’t care about didn’t get huge plots this year, and that’s awesome.

What didn’t work: The psychology
This never works on Dexter, but watching Dex about to sacrifice himself for his son in the finale had us rolling our eyes. What makes psychopaths what they are is that they are unable to really love another person. Dexter often pushes this. He’s like a guy with Aspergers who kills, not a real sociopath. It’s just…such a fantasy. Obviously we don’t know what psychopaths can feel or whether they can care about another person to a significant level, but we are pretty sure that Dexter Morgan crosses a line of reality. In the first season, it was believable. Maybe the future seasons, procreation, and marriage to Rita/dating Lumen stretched him? Meh. We’re not fully buying it, and that’s a problem.

What worked: The devil on Dexter’s shoulder and passing light to Trinity’s son
One of the effects of Brother Sam and Dexter’s brush with the light of faith was that he was able to help Trinity’s son and tell him to forgive himself. We also liked the brother coming back to push Dexter further toward the dark side. It was a nice contrast to the angel on Dexter’s shoulder, Harry. Now we are glad it only lasted for one episode, but it was a good idea for the season’s theme. The religion thing also reaffirmed for Dexter that he has a purpose in the world and that he brings light to it, in his own way. Dexter giving some grace to Trinity’s son was great for us to see, because that’s what Christian faith is all about.

What didn’t work: The rest of that Trinity episode
It sounds like a revisit to the Trinity stuff would be great, but it really wasn’t. That episode, overall, was one of the series’ worst. We liked about two scenes and felt like they needed to happen (the things described above), but the rest of the stuff needed to be more interesting. That whole episode just needed to be retooled.

What worked: Crazy Quinn
Quinn going all drinky and crazy in the aftermath of his breakup gave him something to do and made us feel bad for him. Clearly, he is still part of the show even though he is not linked to Deb anymore. For all you Quinn haters, don’t you wish he had ended up with Deb now? Anything is better than Deb and Dexter.

What didn’t work: Batista didn’t die
We hate Batista. He’s just a waste of time.

What worked: Some of Dexter’s lines to Travis before Travis’ death
“You used God. It’s not the other way around.” Can someone please say this to Rick Perry?

What didn’t work: Most of that exchange
Before Dexter killed Travis, they had a hokey theological discussion that was too preachy, too cheesy, too weird, and about three minutes too long. At some point, we thought, “Are they STILL talking?” Pithy this was not. “I am a father, a son, a serial killer.” That was the ever-loving WORST.

We will still be watching next season, because we don't give up on a show that we've watched for six years easily. But we hope that next season is better. After all, season two annoyed us and what happened to Doakes was just SO WRONG, but we kept watching, and eventually we got the Trinity season. Hopefully the show learns that the strengths of Dexter lie in its main characters and its Big Bads and casts accordingly.

Finale grade: B-
Season grade: C

Homeland - Marine One

The finale starts with Brody recording a video for the media to play after he suicide bombs himself. It very helpfully elaborates on his motivations for terrorism. He thinks that the politicians in America are enemies of America, because they are corrupt, and he really loves his country. We really can’t argue with that… Mixed with the killing of Issa, we are really buying Brody’s defection from sanity. The night before the big bombing extravaganza that Brody and Nazir have planned, Dana catches her dad praying to Allah in the garage. Dana tells her dad that this is a little freaky and that he’s been acting hella weird. Brody and Dana have a nice little talk and agree to keep the Islam a secret. Oh, that’s healthy (sarcasm).

Carrie is going through the depression phase of her breakdown and is on “administrative leave” from work. Saul informs us that this means Carrie is effectively, permanently fired, but no one is going to press criminal charges. Although Carrie would probably handle prison well. She’d cut one bitch and none of the other bitches would ever mess with her again. She’s so smart, she’d be running the place, crazily, in mere weeks. Carrie hitches a ride with her dad and goes to the rally were the vice president is set to announce that he’s running for president.

Maybe you remember this from previous episodes, but we totally missed that the Vice President is Brody’s biggest nemesis and the main culprit in the whole Issa thing. So, yeah, Brody is at the rally, ready to bomb. Walker is there too, ready to kill Elizabeth Gaines so that Brody and all the politicians will be herded down into a bunker for safety. Because of all the chaos, the metal detectors were going crazy from everyone just rushing through them, and Brody’s bomb went undetected. This was a pretty smooth plan from Abu Nazir, but we still don’t like him, because he’s a manipulative terrorist.

After the gunshot and the bunkering of the politicians, Carrie realized that Brody really is a terrorist and that this is all an elaborate plan to help Brody kill big cheeses. She calls Saul, but Saul just sends some goons out to subdue her. Carrie escapes and goes to the Brody house. She gets Dana to let her in, tells Dana that her father is about to blow the Vice President up, and tries to convince Dana to call her father and talk him down. Needless to say, this was a splendid scene. We were shaking our heads at Carrie, but at the same time, we were thinking, “Great idea! This kid is close to her father and has been noticing weirdness.”

Dana is the coolest teenager on TV (well, this week anyway). She doesn’t swallow Carrie’s story and calls the police instead. Carrie is arrested on the front lawn in front of an hysterical, useless Jessica. Meanwhile, Brody is in the bunker, nervous as heck, getting up the courage to flip the switch. It takes him forever, and it’s pretty intense. He pushes it and we are shocked that he actually did it! But the vest malfunctions. Brody goes to the bathroom, sweating balls, and fixes the bomb. He goes out again, and just as he is about to set the bomb off, he gets a call from Dana. Dana tells Brody that she is freaked out over Carrie coming to their house and saying that he was a terrorist, but Dana assures him that she knows it’s not true.

Then Dana starts to make Brody promise to come home. It’s emotional and it totally works. We have Dana, who really intuits that there is a problem here, and Brody, who actually listens to this kid. He doesn’t push the trigger. Very soon after that, the bunker is opened and the Vice President leaves, with the parting line to Brody that Brody “looks like crap.” He didn’t really say it in a nice or joking way either. Gosh, we kind of wish Brody had killed that guy. How rude. Brody was locked up before and doesn’t like it. That was his explanation as to why he was so nervous and sweaty. You’d think people would be nice about that, but nooooo. Wait. Why are we defending a terrorist and his feelings? Because this show is so good that it makes us want to.

The Vice President uses his wife’s death as a catalyst to announce his candidacy. Saul comes to the VP later and blackmails the VP into telling Saul why Nazir started getting all revenge-y. Then Saul goes to David Estes, who was in the room when the order was given to bomb, and confronts him. Saul threatens to tell the New York Times, but Estes tells Saul that would do more harm than good. It would also help the terrorists recruit. Brody meets with Tom Walker in, like, a culvert or something. It’s at night, and Walker has Nazir on the phone. Brody tells Walker and Nazir that the bomb malfunctioned. Then Brody lets Nazir know that he will be able to do more damage as a congressman.

Nazir buys this, but tells Brody to kill Walker in a show of loyalty. Brody does, and we are glad, because Walker needed to be put out of his crazy-eyed misery. We don’t see why it was a show of faith for Brody to do that though. If he was against Nazir, he would have no problem killing one of Nazir’s terrorists. But whatever. It looks like Nazir was just sick of Walker. Brody goes to meet Carrie when she gets out of jail. Carrie has changed her mind about Brody being a terrorist again, since no bomb went off, and she apologizes and promises to leave him alone. Brody is all, “I’ve heard that before” but accepts it at the end.

Carrie checks herself into the hospital and agrees to have electroshock treatment, which is something that actually works a lot of the time and isn’t the torture it’s portrayed as in the movies. It CAN cause some memory loss though, so we have that to look forward to next season. Ugh. Saul comes to visit and tells Carrie about the death of Issa. Man, he could totally get fired for that. Carrie gets sedatives before the electroshock and goes into a stupor where she remembers her good times with Brody. You know, those two days that made her fall in love with him, even though she thought he was evil during those two days. She remembers Brody murmuring Issa’s name in his sleep.

But she won’t remember the Issa thing when she wakes up next season, probably, and we will have to watch her put it all together again. Lame. We don’t like when we know something, but we have to sit and wait too long for the characters on shows to figure it out. However, these characters are so interesting that we are willing to give the next season a chance. It was an eventful and satisfying finale that left enough loose ends open for us to start season two in pretty much the same place we started in season one. Only Brody will be in Congress and having sex with Jessica. And Carrie will have to find some way to be working in Homeland Security again.

Episode grade: A-
Season grade: A-

Homeland - The Vest

As requested and better late than never.

If this was the penultimate episode, we are anxious to see the finale. Brody, you rat fink! You told! It was the smart move for him, with Carrie closing in on the truth. We finally got to see manic Carrie, since she was off her meds, and she is so much crazier than regular Carrie. We loved it! Obviously great acting from Claire Danes, which is something we feel dumb saying, because who needs to even say that anymore? Her quest for the green pen had us laughing so much. Of course Carrie would throw out a Shakespeare reference when she was losing it.

Saul showed up at the hospital and saw Carrie working, as usual, but acting absolutely insane, which was less usual. He quickly found out about her condition when Maggie showed up with drugs. They took Carrie home. Carrie continues to work, and she’s like a dangerous savant, because she’s right about everything she’s working on. She puts a puzzle together for Saul to figure out, and he does, which made us love him a little more. Carrie’s craziness was never too much. It was perfect.

Carrie plots Nazir’s movements, actions, and state of mind. She figures out that there was a turning point for Nazir, and that he wants revenge for something. We know it’s the death of his son, but Carrie doesn’t know that. Carrie also shoots down the theory that there is only one sniper, because Abu Nazir doesn’t work like that. He does things bigger and gets lots of people both involved and dead.

Do you guys think that Brody’s daughter will be the one in his family to first find out that he’s a terrorist in training? We always prefer Carrie’s scenes to Brody’s, because they are usually more interesting and Claire brings a certain intensity. Even when Brody is confronting Nazir or doing something equally interesting, it just can’t top Carrie doing … anything. This episode was the same way. Whenever we get to Brody, it’s like “break time” from being completely sucked into the show. We kind of need those breaks.

This week, Brody took his family to Gettysburg and told the story of deeply religious men who held the line of battle in the face of greater numbers. We actually liked the way he told the story. Brody goes and picks up a bomb while he is there, and his daughter notices him acting very strangely and putting something in the car. Brody and Jessica are about to have sex like normal people too, so it’s kind of sad that things are getting so great for this family when things are really, really bad underneath.

Carrie calls Brody and asks him what Nazir is angry about. Brody has had enough of Carrie’s digging and figuring things out, so he calls Carrie’s boss and tells him that Carrie has been harassing him, bugging his house, and sleeping with him. Estes comes to Carrie’s house with agents and takes everything (all her intelligence that Saul organized) away.

This was a good episode of the best new show of the fall. Once Upon a Time is a close second though.

Episode grade: A-

Pretty Little Liars will reveal A's identity by the end of THIS SEASON

So, we obviously had to share this, tests or no tests.

On March 19th, we will know who A is.

And we thought the show would drag it out for years! But it looks like the show is going with the books' multiple As thing. Also a "beloved character" will die, but it won't be one of the four, and someone will be arrested for Alison's murder in the finale.

Side note: in the books, there have been multiple A's. Does anyone think they'll do that with the tv show, or will we have only one A?

Dexter- Ugh

Why did we have 500+ views today, lol? What are you people here to read? Once again, there will be nothing substantial until the 15th.

But since you're already here: Is anyone else so mad at Dexter for this new Deb thing? We think it's bad enough to ruin the show. That dream made us want to die.

Once Upon a Time

We know we said there would be no posts until the 15th, but....

We just have to say, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Bummed.

Blog on Hiatus until the 15th of December- and some ANTM thoughts

Things just got real, schoolwise. So we are going to have to not be watching TV/addicted to the internet for about a week. There will be no need for you guys to come back until December 15th. Go! Live your lives! Take notes for which episodes you would like to have reviewed, and we will do them late/when we get back. Put the requests in the comments, and we will do "better late than never" posts.

America's Next Top Model broke our hearts last night by not picking Allison, but Lisa is a good second choice. We actually really like Lisa and think she deserves to be the "All Star." Allison just should have won her first season, period. Why was Angelea disqualified? The internet is saying that it's because she revealed the competition results on Facebook. Does that mean Angelea originally won? We don't know, but we think that would have been a mistake. Lisa and Allison were our top two. Allison is a strong model and a cool person, but it's an extrovert's world, especially on reality TV. We hope Allison gets some real jobs. Lisa needed this win to continue her career. We don't think Allison does, with those eyes.

Tyra knows nothing. Her ridiculous Pot Ledom, Tookie, and stupid ideas this season proved that. Our favorite never wins and usually gets runner up or top three. The fact that Tyra didn't pick Allison means that Allison is the best.

Glee - Hold Onto Sixteen

In this picture, Artie should totally be saying "TIMMY."

Quinn is cured! By Rachel, of all people. Yes, it was “redeem Rachel week,” which we are all for. But let’s back up. At the beginning of the episode, Quinn went up to Rachel and told her that Shelby and Puck had a root fest. Rachel agreed that Shelby was wrong for doing that, but she countered that Puck was 18 and that Beth loves her mom. If Shelby gets deemed an unfit parent, it will “ruin Beth’s life.” Sweet little point there, Rachel. Quinn seems to listen, but she is resolved to get Beth back and probably get revenge on Shelby for doling out all those harsh truths about life and then acting with no wisdom in her own decisions.

McKinley High is hosting Sectionals this year, but New Directions is still nervous, despite the whole thing happening on their own turf. That’s a decent psychological advantage. Having lost their star, Rachel, the club feels that it needs Sam Evans back. Rachel and Finn go to Kentucky to retrieve him, because his new town actually isn’t that far away from Lima. Sam is working as a male stripper for all the middle-aged ladies who hang at a place called “Stallions.” These are probably the same people who are The Twilight Moms. We weren’t aware that Sam was 18. Although, that’s Kentucky, armpit of America, so they probably don’t care one way or another. Heh. If you’re from Kentucky and you’re offended by that, go get that cousin you married to comfort you. We’ll wait.

Rachel gave Sam a dollar that she got from Finn (way to perpetuate the “Jews are cheap” stereotype, Rachel), and Sam meets them in his dressing room. He says that he made $60 in 15 minutes, which is a lot more than he can make for his family at Dairy Queen. The three then went to Sam’s parents’ VERY NICE, BIG house and talked them into letting Sam go back to Ohio and live with them. Sam’s parents realize that this is what Sam really wants and they let him go. One less mouth to feed? How will they get by without the Stallions income when they clearly spend everything they get on a big house anyway? Oh whatever. These are the times Glee never makes any sense, and we are happy enough to have Sam back, that we will excuse a lot.

Meanwhile, Kurt and Blaine go to their gay little coffee shop and Sebastian shows up to hit on Blaine again. When Blaine leaves their immediate vicinity, Sebastian and Kurt have a little fight where Sebastian makes it clear that he thinks Kurt is unattractive and that he, Sebastian, is after Blaine. As if that wasn’t clear before. It totally was. Kurt counters with, “You smell like Craigslist.” Kurt FTW. Everyone meets back at the rehearsal room and sings Toby Keith’s “Red Solo Cup” with Sam. That was a weird song. It sounded like it came from Kentucky. We’ve decided that it was so bad it was good.

After rehearsal, Quinn met up with Sam and said that she didn’t appreciate him before, and that she wants him back. Yeah, that’s very attractive to a guy, Quinn. Sam is over it. He tells Quinn to enjoy her youth, which came out of nowhere for us, but we quickly got used to it, because that turned out to be the episode’s major theme. Mike Chang and his dad are back! We thought that storyline was a one-time thing, but it keeps coming back. Mike caved and only applied to Stanford for pre-med. Tina is concerned that Mike is giving up his dreams and voices this concern. Mike is really mean back.

Kids reading this: we would like you to know that your parents don’t have to know your major until you graduate and it’s too late. You can minor or double major too. Your parents don’t have access to your grades and generally are NOT THERE to see you doing whatever the hell you want. That’s the beauty of college. Take advantage of it. It’s your life, and college is when you get to do whatever you want. Also, colleges don’t have “pre-law” or “pre-med” majors. Major in whatever you want, get good grades, blow the standardized tests out of the water, and then apply to the graduate school you need to go to.

Sam’s plan to win Sectionals involves swiveling pelvises and air-sexing. Blaine really hates this. We mean really hates it. He goes into a rage and says that he’s “not for sale” and basically calls Sam a gigolo. The two nearly fight, but Finn breaks it up. Blaine is in the gym, punching a bag. He would have looked sexy, but he still has his head all lubed up. Finn tracks Blaine down and Blaine explains that he took up boxing after being bullied at his old school. Then he says, “I started a fight club at Dalton, which, obviously, I can’t talk about.” We loved that line, because we love Fight Club more than most things in life. Finn fixes things by admitting to Blaine that he’s been jealous of Blaine, and that now he just wants to win or something.

Sam finds Mercedes and tells her that he’s coming after her, no matter how big her boyfriend is. Mercedes is clearly charmed. Tina visits Mike’s dad with a video of his son in West Side Story, and she tries to make the dad see reason. Way to overstep, girlfriend who is not part of the family. She ends her plea with, “You know, you’re always talking about honor, Mr. Chang. Help your son honor his gift.” Honor? Who is this? The dad from Mulan? Speaking of which: when are they going to perform "I'll Make a Man Out of You"?

At Sectionals, the Unitards perform first. Sadly, they do not wear Unitards, so we have no idea why they are called The Unitards. That group features Lindsay Pearce and she sang “Buenos Aires” from Evita. She sounds fantastic. It’s a perfect song for her voice, even though it’s not a winning number. The Troubletones are next, with a mash-up of “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child and “I Will Survive.” They do weird arm movements that must count as a dance. New Directions go for Michael Jackson, Janet Jackson, and the Jackson 5, singing “ABC”, “Control”, and “Man in the Mirror.” Those were ok, but not at all winning material, we thought. Mike Chang’s dad shows up to see his son perform.

New Directions win, even though we think they should have gotten third. Mike Chang’s dad caves and tells Mike to do what he wants. Rachel comes back to school. Quinn tells Shelby that she knows about the nasty Puck affair. Shelby complains about being old. Quinn is supposed to cherish her youth and not crave her baby, or something. Rachel tells Quinn that if Quinn rats Shelby out, Quinn will regret it forever. Quinn listens and becomes a nice human again. Quinn gets Rachel and Mr. Schue to agree to let the Troubletones sing one solo number per competition, so the two groups merge again.

They sing “We are Young,” which was sweet enough that we downloaded it. We actually liked all the unity and Quinn/Rachel being friends. The episode had a nice season-one tone. This was definitely a good one. We are glad that the crazy Quinn and Troubletones plotlines are over. This episode loses points for the three lame New Directions songs and "Red Solo Cup". It was relieving to see everyone acting like normal humans and not making insane, mean decisions. We like when the good guys on this show occasionally act like good guys.

Episode grade: B+

How I Met Your Mother - Symphony of Illumination

The How I Met Your Mother midseason finale was funny, emotional, and exactly where we wanted to go, plotwise. Leeard would like the world to know that Ted is her soulmate. She honestly thinks she might be The Mother. Even Ern has a newfound love for Ted after his sweet act to cheer up Robin and his voiceover. When Robin cried, it made us teary-er than this show has ever made us. There is something about seeing her break down that gets us.

The episode started off with Robin talking to her future children, telling them about their father, who she says is Barney. This is significant. And awesome. Robin was telling the kids Barney’s reaction when she revealed her pregnancy news. He made bad jokes and got punched a couple of times. Robin told Barney that she was a week late, that she was never late, and that she and Kevin had not yet engaged in the nasty.

We loved Barney’s initial reaction. He was excited and ready to have a baby. That is, until he sees one of his old drinking buddies as a miserable family man. Insane Dwayne (now “Sane Dwayne”) has four kids, drinks but doesn’t visit bars, and is shushed by his wife in public. Barney and Robin go to the doctor, where they find out that Robin isn’t pregnant and do a funny celebration dance. Very cute, but probably stolen off of Maury. Later, Robin receives another call from her doctor and is informed that she can’t have children. At all. Ever.

Robin never wanted kids, but she realized that she had always relied on the possibility that she could if she changed her mind. Robin becomes visibly depressed, but doesn’t want to tell her friends why. Good friends that they are, they notice. They try to figure it out, not fully buying Robin’s “I discovered I am too tall to be on Canada’s Olympic pole-vaulting team” story. As Robin wanders the winter streets, she reveals that the children her voiceover addresses are fictional. We literally gasped. Fooled us, show.

She gets back to her apartment to find a Christmas light show set to “Highway to Hell,” crafted by Ted, whose job it is to always cheer his friend up. Too sweet. The weird, lamer B-plot involved Marshall decorating his house in Long Island but getting trapped on the roof by a neighbor boy who wants a free house to party in. What a waste of Jason Segal, and what a bratty, child porn-making bratface. Overall though, we really enjoyed this episode. We are glad Robin isn’t having a baby. Now we wish she would gain her weight back and grow her hair out again. Her face is still looking haggard. She needs that extra 15 pounds.

Episode grade: B+