America's Next Top Model - Exploring Greece

We are annoyed that Dominique went home and not Angelea. Angelea is an idiot. Her ego is so big that she can’t take any criticism, even if it’s criticism in the form of a compliment. We get that she doesn’t trust her competition to actually care about her, but the fact that she freaked out is ridiculous and makes us think she’s a big baby. She even said she had no confidence and has been fighting a battle against negative thoughts! The girls are pointing out what she has already said was true. Even if it wasn’t true, and the girls were totally wrong, Angelea overreacted. Angelea, if you are at home googling your name to find out why you were sent home (as we know you will be), you need to get over yourself.

Lisa is the most honest girl in the house, even if she is going to be the target for some hatred because of how hard she is on Allison. Lisa said, “Allison looks like she is dead.” That’s true, if you look at the corpse bride in Tim Burton’s animated film. The eyes are similar. Lisa knows that Allison is the main competition. That’s why everyone voted her as the girl with the least potential. Duh! It’s because they are all afraid of her. We really hope that Allison actually knows this and was just pretending to be sad. Of course the girls vote the most forgettable, sweet girl as the girl who is the best, because she isn’t a threat. Lisa points this out, and also points out that Angelea is defensive. Lisa is the Greek chorus of this show, if the Greek chorus were really, really arrogant.

The photo shoot was alright. Allison always does well, and this shoot was no exception. She had a rocky start though. Lisa comes clean about her fears that the judges conspire against some girls and pick a bad photo for the ones that they want to go home. Nigel is all, “That’s crazy.” But YOU KNOW that’s what we’ve all been thinking all these years. We don’t get to see the other photos. No one does. Laura got the best photo, and she actually deserved it. Dominique was sent home, probably because she generates less drama than ridiculous Angelea. While we are still rooting for Allison, a part of us wants Lisa to win too. She’s a dark horse, she’s old, she’s blunt, she’s observant, and we want to see Tyra pick a girl who boasts about her talents, for once. Tyra always goes for the girl who is all, “Who, me? I didn’t know I was special! Oh golly!” We’re getting sick of that.

WE WILL HAVE THREE MORE SEASONS OF SOUTH PARK!!!!

The show has been renewed through 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We really believe the world needs this show to call it out on its BS, so we are super stoked.

The Slanderous Chickens Have Come Home to Roost

The New Directions and the Troubletones are set to compete against each other at Sectionals, which we thought both teachers should be pretty happy about. This gives them two chances to win at Sectionals. It’s obvious that whichever team wins will graft the other team in when the kids on the losing team realize that they want to go to Nationals. Then both teachers can combine forces and make one awesome team. If the winning group doesn’t want the other kids to be in the group, tough. That’s all up to the teachers of the group. However, wouldn't that sort of defeat the purpose of splitting up the groups in the first place?

Will and Shelby decide to have a Mash-Off in order to turn the competition into something positive. Finn and Santana start their fighting again. Finn wants things to be more civil, and Santana answers that with all the trash talk she can muster. It’s a lot. Apparently, her grandmother verbally abused her. Oh, Glee abuse jokes! Ha ha WAH. The two try to settle their differences with a game of dodgeball, which is totally unfair to the girls-only Troubletones. Believe us, we’ve played dodgeball against guys in high school, and it goes from fun to scary, fast.

It looks like the Troubletones won the game though, because their pure viciousness is transformed into physical power. It’s pretty funny until all the Troubletones gang up on little Rory, who still has that hideous hair. Kurt takes issue with this whole thing and makes it one of his platforms to abolish dodgeball at the school, calling it “modern-day stoning.” Jeez, is anyone else sick of the bullying themes on this show? Glee needs to mine Degrassi for different ways to take high-school characters. Dodgeball can be really fun. Ern is particularly adept at dodging, but hideous at throwing and getting people out, so she’s usually the last person left in the game, but she’s completely useless. But it’s still fun! Dodgeball should be optional, not banned.

Santana is convinced by Mercedes and Brittany to “stop the violence,” so she goes to offer Finn an “apology,” which is hilarious, but quite a bad apology. After she calls Finn fat 100 times (???), Santana tells Finn that he will be riding Rachel's coattails for the rest of his life. Finn knows this, because he had pity sex after all his dreams were dashed last week. In retaliation, Finn calls Santana out in the hallway for being a coward who is in love with Brittany but can’t come out of the closet. While that was wrong, Finn thought it wouldn’t cause harm, because everyone in the school knows. Also, it’s totally true. Santana lashes out because of insecurity which is partly caused by her hidden lesbianism. We don’t blame Finn, however Sue’s rival for Congress (the one that is not Burt) has a daughter at McKinley who heard what Finn said in the hallway. The daughter went to her dad, and the dad made a tacky political ad bashing Sue for making a lesbian her head cheerleader, supposedly violating “family values.”

Sue, Burt Hummel, Will, and the principal come together in unity in order to break the news to Santana that she will soon be outed. That was one of our favorite parts of this episode. It was really sweet that Sue and Burt put aside their differences to support this student. (Sue had been making political ads lying about Burt and said they were “not personal.”) Santana still freaked out, exclaiming that she hadn’t even told her parents yet. She ran out and, soon after, had to perform her mash-up with the Troubletones. That mash-up was one of the best musical things this show has put out all season. Santana looked really wounded through the whole thing. At the end, Santana saw Finn whisper something to Rachel, who giggled. Santana lost it and slapped Finn across the face.

Puck is trying to get Shelby to be with him, but she is resisting it, which is one of the reasons we can tolerate this storyline. It’s surprisingly charming. Also, he’s 18, has plenty of sexual experience, and has plenty of cougar experience. It’s sweet how much he wants to be a part of Beth’s life. We don’t blame him, because Shelby is gorgeous and has way more motherly wisdom this season. He even tried some honesty with Shelby. That’s how she found out about Quinn’s plot to regain custody of Beth. When Quinn comes over, an honestly hurt Shelby reads Quinn the riot act and throws Quinn out. Quinn calls Shelby a whore.

Leeard had a huge problem with this episode, because it made her hate Santana. Santana has always been mean, but her actions this episode crossed over into heartlessness. Ern felt bad for Santana and was more annoyed at what a monster Quinn has become. We just know that Shelby’s refusal to expose Beth to Quinn will result in Quinn trying to take Shelby down. And we just know Quinn will find out about Shelby and Puck’s kiss.

Rachel bonds with Shelby and drops out of the race for student council president in order to help Kurt win, so that they can both get into NYADA together. As for the rest of the musical numbers, we almost always like when Glee does rock, so even though "Hot for Teacher" isn’t our favorite song, we liked the performance. It fit Puck and the plotline. It was a little weird to see Blaine and Mike doing JAZZ HANDS in the background of a Van Halen song. That kind of ruins the whole rock vibe. And CLUE IN WILL. Heads up: for more than two years, the songs the kids sing have reflected what they are going through in their lives. Will just smiled at the performance and approved. Ugh, idiot.

We liked the mash-up of the You and I songs, but one of us is a little sick of Lady Gaga’s "Yoü And I". “Hit Me With Your Best Shot/One Way Or Another” was “meh,” but the performance was funny. Finn shouldn’t sing Benatar, and “One Way Or Another” is overused. The world is sick of that song, and we are glad that Glee has gotten it over with. "You Make My Dreams Come True/I Can't Go For That" by Hall & Oates was really cute, especially if you like Hall & Oates. We loved the costumes and choreography, but we don’t feel the urge to download the song. The ADELE mashup ("Rumor Has It/Someone Like You") was the obvious winner this week. Santana’s eyelashes were too much though. We are mostly satisfied with the music this week (compared to the rest of the music this season), but we lament the lack of Rachel getting to sing rock, which we maintain is always a win.

Best lines? “You’re skinny like all the crops failed on your family’s farm” – Rory. "Don't judge me, I'm 18. It's legal. Besides, the age difference isn't that crazy. Just look at Ashton and Demi, Indiana Jones and Ally McBeal, Woody Allen and that Chinese girl." – Puck (great self-awareness here, Glee. If you’re gonna be creepy, address it.) "Rachel, your mustache is thicker than a Middle Eastern dictator's."- Santana. "Shut your potatoe hole. I'm here to apologize.... Please stick a sock in it. I'm trying to apologize to Lumps the Clown….At some point I must have liked that you look like a taco addict who's had one too many liposuctions. .... I am sorry, Finn…that you sing like you're getting your prostate checked. And you dance like you've been asleep for years and someone just woke you up."

Ern thought this episode had a season one tone, emotional depth, and a good treatment of Rachel. She’s a good person, see?!!! So this episode gets points for lack of Rachel hate and no cartoonishness to her character. We were annoyed that Kurt was so mad at Rachel for running against him, but we could see his point. We’re glad that they are friends again. Bring on that spin-off. We also liked the panning of ads that attack your competition. We lose respect for politicians who take that road, and it makes us less likely to vote for them, even though people who run on fear will prove that those ads work. Still, nice effort, Glee. Classy is always the way to go, even if you have to lose.

Leeard's grade: C+

Ern's grade: A-

Episode grade: B

Bad News for Prime Suspect Fans

Prime Suspect is not part of the midseason schedule. The first, and probably only, season of the cop drama will wrap after 13 episodes. We are pretty bummed, because we liked the show. There is still a chance that the show will be renewed, but we certainly aren't counting on it. Vulture reported that it shut down production. Community will also be benched for a while come midseason, but we refuse to believe that show will leave us. If it's not renewed for a fourth season, our rage will be endless.

How I Met Your Mother, which continues to kill in the ratings, turned in a really strong episode last night. It was heartbreaking and the "two minute" thing was really funny. Just about everyone is confused as to how Robin went from a confident woman who didn't need a man to someone who asks two men "Why do you even want to be with me?" Ugh. But, other than that, we give that episode an A-.

Hell on Wheels- Episodes 1 + 2 review and overview of the show (spoiler free)

This show is getting some mixed reviews, but after seeing two episodes, we’ve realized that this show has a TON of potential to become absolutely amazingly fun. The second episode is better than the first, and we see this show improving over the course of the season as we get to know these characters. We love AMC. We love Westerns. Lots of people have called the show’s first couple of episodes slow and meandering. Um, it goes a heck of a lot faster than The Walking Dead, and Hell on Wheels seems to be speeding up as it goes along. AMC lovers will love this show too. People get scalped. It’s rad. The first couple of episodes were, admittedly, an uneven and rocky start. But you can just see that this is going to be worthwhile.

The opening scene was good. This show does violence well. The violent scenes are intense, which is a surprise since we shouldn’t be expected to care about the characters yet. We don’t KNOW them yet, at all. The characters are not fleshed out yet, especially the main character, but we feel like there is plenty of time. It’s good to start with lots of mystery surrounding your characters to get us hooked. The Indian attack scene was incredible. We gasped a total of three times in the pilot, collectively. We aren’t sure if the main guy is too good looking or not. He’s doing a solid job so far, and the beard grizzles him up a bit.

We don’t know if we like the way the show is handling the race stuff. It’s almost Hallmark-y at points, if Hallmark were mixed with a little grit. Wait, except the way the Indians are handled. They are mostly just bloodthirsty savages (unless they've been baptized), killing all the white people. They need to stick some Hallmark in THERE, or it's gonna get real racist, real fast. We don't care for racist. Few people do anymore. Weirdly, the Cheyenne on this show speak to each other in English. Come on show, make an effort.

There are some questionable moments in the show. One example of a low point was the speech at the end of the pilot. What the heck was that? It was a bunch of nonsense, and it was crazy weird. But for every moment that hits the wrong tone, there is a moment that really grabs you. We think the kinks will get worked out. It’s AMC. We also love the music. If you’re looking for Deadwood 2.0, look elsewhere, because this show is NOT that show, and it's probably not even comparable to that show. But we like both Westerns.

The main character of this show is Cullen Bohannon, a former Confederate soldier and slaveowner, but he freed his slaves, so we are all allowed to like him. He is looking to avenge the death of his wife. Union soldiers killed her in Meridian, Mississippi. Cullen goes to “Hell on Wheels,” which is the tent city that follows the transcontinental railroad while it is being built. Cullen takes a job overseeing a crew of former slaves, even though he has no experience.

The man hiring was Mr. Johnson, a clearly racist old bastard with a crazy beard who we kind of liked, despite his doucheness. We liked him as a character. Mr. Johnson gives Cullen the job because Cullen once owned slaves. One of the black men Cullen oversees is Elam. Elam’s pretty angry about life, which is understandable, because he still feels like he’s a slave. Sure, he’s getting paid, but he’s also still getting yelled at, beaten, and overseen by former slave owners. Pretty soon though, Elam and Cullen buddy up a little, which is sweet in a bloody sort of way. You’ll see.

A little ways ahead of Hell on Wheels, there is a survey team led by a guy named Robert who has custody of all the maps. He has recently battled illness and was cared for by his sweet wife, Lily. They seem super in love, and it’s really sweet, until they get attacked by the Cheyenne in a pretty fantastic scene. Thomas “Doc” Durant is the entrepreneur getting the railroad up and running. He’s probably the worst person ever, but we love him too. What he does in the beginning of the second episode is just freaking classic. Then we meet “The Swede,” and he’s cool too. It looks like we have yet another show to watch. Sigh. Will we ever have free time again?

Episode grades: B

The Hunger Games First Full Trailer!!!

We were really worried that these movies weren't going to be as powerful or moving as the books. We both cried watching this trailer. It's so good. And no hint of Twilightness or romance obsession at all. Watch it. We will be watching it over and over and over. Why isn't it March 23rd yet?

Sidenote: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vampire Diaries Season 3 Mid-season Finale

“Homecoming”

We won’t be getting any more new episodes until January 5th. We know it hurts. We feel the same pain. However, this show isn’t one to leave us unsatisfied for a hiatus. Of course it leaves us wanting more, but we don’t feel cheated. We were pretty surprised that the show chose to kill Mikael off this early and let Klaus live keep being the Big Bad. We don’t know if we approve. Mikael had potential to be scarier. Klaus is kind of a sad whiner. All he wants is a family. Boo hoo. NOT SCARY.

It’s senior homecoming, and Elena, Damon, Stefan, and Mikael are plotting to get Klaus back to Mystic Falls, with the help of a sad, reluctant Rebecca. Elena daggers Mikael so that Stefan could call Klaus and truthfully tell Klaus that he saw Mikael daggered. Stefan is still under a compulsion, after all. Rebekah confirms that this is what happened over the phone, to Klaus. Klaus prepares to return with the hybrids he has made while he was gone.

The gang pulls the dagger out of Mikael so that he can go retrieve the big stake made out of that original white oak tree that can kill an original for good. The stake looks pretty magnificent. He kept it hidden for insurance. Elena daggers Rebekah too, in case she ends up having second thoughts about her brother. Rebekah’s reunion with her father was less than heartwarming, but Mikael seemed sad at her coldness.

Klaus returns to town and floods the high school gym so that the homecoming dance and party have to be held at Tyler’s mansion. There is a grungy looking band (My Morning Jacket) playing in the backyard, and all of Klaus’ hybrids have come to back him up. Matt and Tyler make sure Caroline is out of the action. Tyler tells Caroline that he is happy he has been made into a hybrid because he doesn’t have to transform at the full moon if he doesn’t want to anymore. Caroline doesn’t like his allegiance to Klaus, so it looks like the couple is over, for now. But we still have hope for them. What is this show even doing with Matt, at this point? Possible romance with Rebekah, maybe?

Bonnie renders Tyler unconscious so that he doesn’t have to jump into the fray on Klaus’ orders if things go wrong. Klaus contacts Stefan and asks Stefan to bring Mikael to the homecoming party. Stefan agrees, in exchange for his freedom. Stefan goes to clue Mikael and Damon in on the plan (which Katherine is also in on, by the way), and Mikael drains Stefan’s blood to keep him from interfering with Damon and Elena’s plan, because Stefan is still compelled to obey Klaus if Klaus says the right words or asks the right questions.

Mikael goes to the Lockwood party, but he can’t get into the home, because he hasn’t been invited in. That is where Klaus is. Mikael taunts Klaus about being alone, which isn’t very nice. But this is the episode where we started liking Mikael better than Klaus. Unluckily for us, it’s Mikael who ended up dead, because Stefan cared about his brother and so did Katherine. You see, if Klaus had died, Damon would have been killed next. Klaus’ hybrids had been ordered to kill Damon if anything happened to Klaus. Katherine tells Stefan this, and Stefan’s feelings for Damon wake his humanity up enough for him to act. So Stefan kills Mikael, earning his own freedom.

At some point during all of this, Katherine throws out some wolfsbane grenades toward the hybrids, and they run. It’s pretty awesome. Elena and Damon return to the Salvatore house and lament that their crafty plan failed to result in Klaus’ death. They think that Stefan is still compelled by Klaus and that Stefan betrayed them to save his new master. Damon and Elena have a moment, probably almost kiss, and agree to let Stefan go, because they are never getting him back. They get a call from Katherine, interrupting things. It was a pretty pointless phone call anyway. UGH.

Katherine confesses to Stefan that she loved both him and Damon, and that she wants to protect Stefan’s humanity. The next day, Stefan calls Klaus and lets him know that he stole all of Klaus’ coffins full of family members for revenge. Gasp! How are they going to kill Klaus now? We seriously can’t believe that we have to wait around two months for this show to come back. We hope they de-stake Rebekah and she becomes part of the gang. Elena has to make this up to her.

Episode grade: A

11/11/11, Vampire Diaries, and Redemption Day

Because it's "redemption day," we'd love it if you checked this out.

If you're not familiar with human trafficking at all, watch this short video and check out Redeem the Shadows. We know good people with that organization, and they need help spreading awareness. Here's their tumblr.

Anyway, you should also be aware that tonight at 11/11/11 at 11:11 P.M., you will have the opportunity to make the most epic wish ever. Don't let it go to waste. We intend to spend our wishes on "ten more great seasons of The Vampire Diaries."

Speaking of that show, there will be no long review of that show today, because Leeard has no computer today. If there is bad grammar and spelling, well, we can blame Leeard's lack of a computer to edit for that too. Ern will have to bring her computer to Leeard's house tomorrow and then we will get the show on the road. We will mention it in the drama shorts this weekend. (Dude, who watched Grey's Anatomy this week? Intense.)

Funny Stuff- But too bad there were no abc comedies this week :(

New Girl - “CeCe Crashes”
We were surprised that the Nick and Jess pairing that will so obviously happen was already addressed. CeCe convinced Jess that Nick has feelings for her, and this freaked Jess out a little too much. That’s not a promising start to a relationship. Schmidt spent the episode trying to “close” with CeCe, and he “succeeded” because they slept in the same bed and held hands. Aww. Actually, we see those two together.

Episode grade: B

Up All Night - “First Night Away”
Reagan and Chris find it hard to find time for sex, so they decide to go away for a night. They get a full night of sleep and some sex. Ava babysat and met Reagan and Chris’ neighbor, Kevin, a single dad. Ava and Kevin hit it off and kissed. We really liked this episode because it made great use of Maya Rudolph, who we usually love. Sometimes her character on this show can be too silly, but this week the character was funny and she fit.

Episode grade: A-

South Park - “A History Channel Thanksgiving”
This was one of the weakest recent South Park episodes, but since the show returned in the fall, it has been really strong, so saying an episode is weak by those standards isn’t much of a diss. This episode mocked The History Channel, Thor, and Thanksgiving. It also mocked people who pretend to be part Native American in order to get the benefits and cool points. The Thor and Natalie Portman stuff was pretty funny.

Episode grade: B

America’s Next Top Model - “Nikos Papadopoulos”
Question: Who the hell has Shannon as their role model? We want to SEE these letters written by young girls to Shannon, because we don’t believe that they exist. The blogger writing this entry actually is a Christian and gets made fun of by the guys in her program for dressing too conservatively and appearing “virginal.” This blogger would like to give a big “Go F yourself” to those guys. Moving on… The reason this blogger doesn’t like Shannon is the same reason Nigel was perplexed by her. It IS semantics. It’s all about whether it’s called a bathing suit or panties? Dumb. It’s morals for no reason. She just looked like a hypocrite in her season, so Shannon wanted to come back and redeem herself by continuing to stand up for morality. Unfortunately for her, the producers didn’t have anyone pose nude this time. We know the show only brought Shannon back for drama, and that’s also the reason they brought out the panties again. She was too old to win. We don’t like rules for the sake of rules. There are plenty of things to stand for without making dumb stuff up. Good riddance. Allison is one step closer.

Episode grade: B-

The Office - “Pam’s Replacement”
Only Dwight could repeatedly grab another man’s crotch and have it be totally not gay. We haven’t like Jim and Pam this much in an episode in a long time, however. They were cute and funny. Pairing these two with Dwight is always a success. If only the Robert California/Kevin/Andy/Daryl band hadn’t gotten so much attention. That wasn’t funny, but that drummer was pretty good.

Episode grade: B-

Parks and Recreation - “The Treaty”
We liked seeing Leslie go bloodthirsty for a bit, and we liked watching Ron whip Tom back into shape, but this episode just wasn’t as funny as this show usually is. It was cool to see Ann tell Chris about how she grew as a person after their relationship. The reason he gave up on her WAS because he got bored, because she had stopped being herself. If Ann can find a way to keep her sarcastic, down-to-earth personality while she is around Chris, there might be hope for them to become a couple again. And this time, to become a good one. He needs someone to mock him every once-in-a-while. Also, the moon should totally be part of the U.N.

Episode grade: B

Community - “Studies in Modern Movement”
We’re getting a little sick of the Shirley vs. Britta religion stuff. One of them needs to convert so that they stop it. Also, the Pierce stuff wasn’t very funny. But the Jeff Winger stuff was fantastic. Way to ruin that Seal song for us! Ok, who are we kidding? That song ruins itself. Guilty pleasure, though, for one of us. The Troy/Abed/Annie plot was sweet. This episode had enough laughs and sweet character moments to make it more than enjoyable.

Episode grade: B+

SAMCRO Puts On the Best Show (and comments on some other dramas this week)

American Horror Story - “Piggy Piggy”
So, school shootings are horror fodder now? We thought that opening scene was more really sad than scary. Also sad was the cutting scene. Where are Violet’s parents when she is clearly depressed and spending too much time in her room? We are really excited that Violet knows that the house is full of ghosts now, and that Tate is a ghost. This whole Tate being a dead school shooter is going to put a crimp in their love… We are also happy that Vivian is done being nice to Ben. “You’re a disappointment as a man.” Wow, haha. Harsh. Cam from Modern Family guest starred as another ghost patient, and he did a great job. We liked the new medium. We feel bad for Tate, because it seems like the murder house warped his brain and helped cause the shooting. He doesn’t remember doing it, after all.

Episode grade: B

The Walking Dead - “Cherokee Rose”
Rick begs Hershel to let everyone stay at his farm. Maggie and Glenn have sex. Lori realizes that she’s pregnant. AMC is the channel for the “slow burn,” as shown by Breaking Bad, and The Walking Dead is going for this. More action, and possibly hope and a plot arc, are probably on the way. In the meantime, people shall grumble that it’s all going slowly and sometimes it can be, at the same time, too bleak and too saccharine. But we’re still invested. We like Rick a lot. When the walker in the well split in two, one of us literally gagged and coughed a little. That was seriously disgusting. Dead guts are nastier than living guts. This show wins the award for grossest show we’ve ever seen, bar none.

Episode grade: B-

Gossip Girl - “I Am Number Nine”
Blair has a “minion-off” where her former “friends” competed for bridesmaids positions. Charlie gets lobbed into the competition when Nelly Yuki doesn’t show, and she wins the spot. Diana and Nate go public while Charlie seems to have developed feelings for him. Serena torpedoes the move deal with Dan when she realizes her boss is going to paint Dan’s character in a negative light. Louis conspires to drive Chuck back into crazytown by bribing Chuck’s therapist. It turns out the baby actually is Louis’. Louis is bad at scheming, so the therapist simply has to close her practice and Blair freaks that Louis is turning into an insecure trickster. Then, the best thing ever happened: Chuck came to Blair and apologized, sincerely, for literally everything wrong he did to her. It was pretty powerful. That scene gets an A+, but the whole episode gets a B. Chuck growing up and healing is just as interesting as Chuck the bad boy. Keep it coming.

Episode grade: B

Ringer - “Maybe We Can Get a Dog Instead”
Andrew thinks that Siobhan had a miscarriage now. Mr. Carpenter does the RIGHT thing and transfers Juliet out of his class when she comes onto him. But Juliet isn’t giving up yet… Malcolm comes to New York and Agent Machado hounds him like he’s Osama Bin Ladin (or whoever the biggest terrorist around now is). Tyler’s affair with Siobhan is over after he comes to New York and sees Bridget with his boss…and thinks it’s Siobhan. Bridget’s new sponsor is tasked with taking care of Malcolm. When Malcolm comes to Bridget for help with his drug addiction, she takes him right to her helpful sponsor. Uh oh… This episode was ok. Things are moving along. The last couple were better.

Episode grade: B-

Sons of Anarchy - “Hands”
This is going to be short, because all there is to say is “OMG” and “this was the best episode of the season so far.”

Episode grade: A

Parenthood - “In-Between”
Seth was actually on the level!!! And he made a major sacrifice for his family and did a sweet thing for his kids. We were touched by this episode. We are also starting to feel for and like Crosby again.

Episode grade: A-

Pan Am - “Truth or Dare”
This could be the best, and most fun, episode yet. The civil rights stuff was too black-and-white and “after school special,” as well-argued by this blog. However, Leeard loves Niko, and it was just a really cute episode.

Episode grade: B+

Weeds Got Renewed!

There will be a season 8 for Weeds. Thank God, because the show could NOT end the way season 7 did.

Glee: I always thought it would be me, but I secretly hoped it would be you

The PTC (a conservative watchdog group) kind of has a point this time. The PTC has a long history to objecting to the sexual activity of fictional people, but we grudgingly nod our heads to the organization regarding this episode. The sex wasn’t graphic at all. In fact, they really didn’t show anything with either couple, except an adorable shot of Blaine and Kurt with their cute little heads together. The PTC wrote, “The fact that Glee intends to celebrate children having sex is reprehensible. The gender of the high school characters involved is irrelevant.” The PTC also noted that more teenage characters are shown having sex on prime time TV than adults, and that Fox knows Glee is marketed toward teens and preteens. It might normalize high school sex for them, and it’s irresponsible to teach them that this is something they should seriously consider doing.

One of us REALLY hates that everyone has to have sex in high school on TV. Like…you don’t have to. We promise. True, some characters don’t (Angela Chase, Felicity), but most do. TV writers and producers live in the world of Hollywood, where it is all fast-paced and all about sex, all the time. That world is about getting what you want, when you want it. It’s about desire and materialism/the physical. So most of these people making the shows have had lots of sex, and a lot of it was probably casual. They want this to be seen as normal. They don’t want to be judged. So they foist their values onto the world through TV, in the hopes that they can influence the culture to think it’s not a big deal to eschew traditional morality. However, it makes it harder for teens who choose to wait until they are emotionally mature enough to handle it. They become freaks and prudes.

The episode was clear with its rules on sex. There were two very obvious plugs for using protection. Rachel even said, “Every modern girl comes prepared.” Otherwise, the writers say that it’s ok to have sex for the first time “if it feels right” and it’s special. We think high school sex is usually a bad idea, because we have BEEN in high school, and we remember what tards we were. And we were considered the smart kids. Experience is everything. In high school, you don’t know dick about life, let alone love. Hormones are in control, and really do affect the way teens think. You don’t know who you are, and you are still creating that and trying to improve your personality. You are still living with your parents. You also do things for the wrong reasons 99% of the time (to fit in, because you want to grow up fast, to get things over with, to look good, to please your parents, etc). Sex is for adults, not children. If you are in high school, you are a child. In the next four years, you will experience changes beyond anything you can currently imagine.

For the characters themselves, in a fictional world, it was the right time. No one was violating any of their values. They waited until they were in love and in a monogamous relationship, and even then, they didn’t give it up right away. Rachel hasn't been throwing herself around. And sex with Rachel is a step up for Finn, since the last girl he had sex with wasn’t exactly the love of his life. As for Kurt and Blaine? How can you go wrong after Burt Hummel’s amazing sex talk? Ryan Murphy said, “I think what it says to a lot of young gay people who are confused and ashamed is that you can get love and are worthy of love.” We like that. We are happy for these couples, and we like them together. We don't think either couple is a "forever" couple though.

This episode was definitely a return to season 1 form. There were only a few main storylines, and old storylines were revisited (Mike, Beiste). No one did anything absolutely ridiculous, except for Artie telling Rachel and Blaine that they needed to have sex in order to play people in love in their high school musical. As if, Artie. That’s ridiculous. Also, no one should be taking sex advice from Artie since he lost his virginity to Brittany, who had to pick him up out of his wheelchair like he was a lady in order to do it and called him by another name the whole time. The worst thing is that Artie was in love with Tina at the time and regretted losing it to Brittany. After rehearsals, Rachel planned to have sex with Finn.

Right before Finn closed in, Rachel hinted that she was doing it for the musical. This hurt Finn’s little feelings, and so he left the situation. Rachel consults Quinn, Santana, Brittany, and Tina and asks them all (at the same time, in one room) if she should have sex or wait. Santana says no, because she thinks Finn was bad in bed. Quinn says that she regretted losing something that she could never get back, and that it makes things more complicated. Brittany was apparently raped at camp or something, and it's really not that funny of a joke. Tina said that her first time with Mike and his abs was magical and that she has no regrets.

Finn is told by the Ohio State recruiter that his football career is over. Ouch. Finn tells Rachel, and then she has sex with him. Meanwhile, Blaine visits the Warblers, and they sing a horrible version of "Uptown Girls" to him, and it’s really gay. The new guy, Sebastian, takes a shine to Blaine and flirts with him rather aggressively. Blaine lets Sebastian know that he has a boyfriend (good, Blaine), and Sebastian invites them both to Scandals, the gay bar. At Scandals, which is a ridiculous name, Blaine gets drunk and dances with Sebastian the whole night. Kurt hangs out at the bar with Max Karofsky, who transferred to a new school for his senior year and is still in the closet. The encounter between the two is friendly. When Blaine and Kurt leave, Kurt puts Blaine in the back seat. Blaine pulls Kurt on top of him and tries to get some sexy time. Kurt gets angry, because this is clearly not the perfect scenario, and refuses. Later, they make up and have sex at Blaine’s house.

West Side Story is finally over! Yay! Now we can probably hear a song from a different musical. The Ohio State recruiter asks Beiste out on a date, with a little nudging from Artie. Mike Chang fights with his father and tells him that he is not going to be a doctor. He is going to be a professional dancer. The father is all, “You’re no longer my son.” And Mike’s all, “Then I guess I don’t have a dad anymore.” Man, mega harsh. Are Asian parents really that strict? Artie gets really controlling as director and clearly loves bossing people around, as well as giving them complexes about their sex lives. Oh Artie, you’re the worst. However, in a position of power, one of us can totally get the same way. It looks like this is one of Damian’s seven episodes, since he was in it for about a second. Cheap. The number “America” was pretty fun. It was Hispanics and Asians v. Whites and Asians. We want Santana’s red dress.

Leeard's grade: C+

Ern's grade: B

Episode grade: B-

An interesting affair, Dexter nearly forgives, Will might get disbarred, best kiss of the year, Taylor's son, and hoarders.

Homeland - “The Good Soldiers”
Brody finally punches his best friend for sleeping with his wife. Then he goes right off and sleeps with Carrie. Can you believe it? The encounter lets Carrie know that Brody is really good at taking polygraphs. Did Saul slip the terrorist the razor blade? THAT would be interesting. On any other show, the new affair would be tawdry and silly. On this show, it’s intense and psychologically sick. We love it.

Episode grade: A-

Dexter - “Just Let Go”
Who knew this Brother Sam thing would actually push Dexter even further to the darkness? He has a new person sitting on his shoulder, like his ghost dad. It’s his amoral serial killer brother. Dexter now believes that his dark passenger runs the show after he took revenge on Brother Sam’s killer. Brother Sam’s death made one of us tear up. When he told Dexter that he could see Dexter’s darkness, but he could see his light too, we got choked up. We kind of feel like that’s what God says to people. Brother Sam was the real deal. He had wanted Dexter to deliver a message of forgiveness. Dexter tried, but when the killer wasn't contrite, Dexter decided to off him. It's Dexter, so we'd really have it no other way. Anyway, it’s going to really rev this season up to see Dexter go off the rails and fight his established rules. His snapping and drowning of the murderer in the same lake where the murderer was baptized was amazing. We’re glad Travis let the girl go, but we are even more glad that Travis and Gellar aren’t the only big bads in town, because they aren’t that scary. The Ice Truck Killer is better.

Episode grade: A-

The Good Wife - “Executive Order 13224”
Peter goes after Will for a past indiscretion that could really hurt his firm and cause him to lose his license. Client trust accounts are no joke. Alicia is almost prosecuted for protecting attorney/client privilege, but she gets a good lawyer of her own. This episode wasn’t the show’s best. We had a hard time getting into it, it felt fragmented, and we didn’t feel like the case got enough attention. However, we liked the guy who investigated Alicia. That was an interesting, fun little character. There wasn't enough Eli Gold either.
Episode grade: B-

How I Met Your Mother - “Disaster Averted”
The gang tells Kevin the fun story about how they survived the August hurricane together. Marshall delivered two slaps to Barney and got two more, in exchange for Barney being allowed to remove the ducky tie. He is about to meet Nora’s parents, after all. But the real news of the night is that Barney and Robin totally kissed! More than kissed! Made out. And it was gorgeous. It wasn’t a flashback either. We kind of feel bad for Kevin but not Nora. It’s half because she’s too pretty and half because she keeps trying to change Barney, and Robin likes Barney for who he is. We are huge Barney/Robin shippers, so we were squealing last night. The Marshall and Lily stuff was funny too. It’s been a while since that happened!
Episode grade: A-

Terra Nova - “Nightfall”
This was a B episode of a C+ show, meaning that it was better than usual, but it was still crappy compared to most of the things we watch. It started out slowly, even though there was a lot of action. Action isn’t necessarily interesting. There need to be high stakes and characters we care about. A meteor crashes and wipes out all the power and technology. Jim and Zoe get stuck underground and are out of the action. We get to hear Jim sing a song about spiders to Zoe. Maddy and Reynolds have their first date. Hunter gets operated on and tells Skye that he has feelings for her. Taylor forces Boylan to get the tech up and running. Mira and the Sixers heard dinosaurs into attacking Terra Nova and steal Mira’s box. Mira gives it to Taylor's son! The Taylor’s son stuff is the only reason to stick around, at this point
Episode grade: B

2 Broke Girls - “And Hoarder Culture”
Aww, Johnny. Say it ain’t so. He wronged our girl, Max, but he made up for it in the end. He needs to dump his hot, black, British girlfriend and get with Max, ASAP, but we understand and appreciate that he doesn’t want to be a jerk. Just because he likes Max doesn’t mean that he has to leave his current relationship. Meanwhile, Caroline gets paid to organize the apartment of a hoarder. Max is enthused by this. We like seeing Max that happy every once-in-a-while. The too-mean, depressing Max hasn’t been seen in weeks! We love it. We are also sighing with relief that the show has gotten better in the past couple of weeks. We predicted that it had potential, and we are glad that we weren’t wrong. And not just because we hate to be wrong.
Episode grade: B+

Once Upon a Time - "Kid, telling someone their soul mate is in a coma is probably not helpful."

"Snow Falls"

Why can’t Emma be Jennifer Morrison’s actual age? She’s 32, and she looks 35 (um no, she doesn't). She’s not working for us as a 28-year-old woman. This episode was written by Liz Tigelaar, the creator of Life Unexpected. We prefer writers from LOST do all the writing, because we are still a little miffed at Liz for the whole second season of Life Unexpected, which blew the big one and made us think the show deserved to be cancelled.

We get to see Prince Charming and Snow White meet in flashbacks, and it was during this meeting scene that we started wishing that the prince had a real name that wasn’t “Charming.” That’s seriously annoying. But later, we found out that the prince’s fantasyland name is “James.” So much better. So we will start calling him James immediately. James took the scenic route in his carriage with his fiancée. His fiancée was presented as the woman every girl hates and every guy complains about, but still dates anyway. She was blonde, critical, and a complainer. Her name in the real world is “Catherine,” but we didn’t catch her name in the fairytale world, so we are going to call her “Debbie Downer.” Snow White is clearly better than Debbie Downer, because Snow White wears pants.

Debbie Downer was whining when the carriage came across a fallen tree in a road. Obviously, this tree was to serve as a distraction while a robber grabbed some jewels from the carriage. That’s really what James gets for carrying a tiny man-purse full of jewelry. The robber turns out to be Snow White. Now, there are two movies coming out about Snow White later, and they both seem to have wildly different takes on the story. We’re pretty sure neither of them thought to have a Snow White who STEALS THINGS. But it’s alright, because she tries to only steal from the Evil Queen, and she does it to survive.

Later, James catches Snow White in a net trap and recognizes her as Snow White. He whips out a WANTED poster with a drawing of Snow. Underneath, it lists her crimes. Murder, treason, and treachery. Now, we are familiar with the crimes “murder” and “treason.” These are things people can actually be charged with in our world. But treachery? We like the sound of it. To what should it apply? How about whipping out your phone and texting while someone is talking to you? That sounds right. In the fairytale world, however, this seems to mean “ticking off the queen.” Snow tells James that none of it is true.

James asks Snow to just give him back a ring that was in the man purse. That was his mother ring that he intended to give to his future bride. It was an arranged marriage, but there are kingdoms to unite and all that. We wonder what, if any, relation James has to the Evil Queen, since they are both royalty. How many kingdoms are there in the fairytale world, and just how small are they, anyway? Snow reveals that she has fairy dust that can hurt the Evil Queen and she is saving it for that foe. Then Snow bashes James in the head and runs away, but some of the Evil Queen’s knights catch her and try to cut out her heart. James kills the knights and saves her.

Snow White is a little more cooperative after this, and she takes James to the creatures she stole the engagement ring from. They are trolls, and they are fabulously ugly. Like idiots, Snow and James have the WANTED poster with them, and the trolls decide to snatch Snow rather than trade the ring back. James fights them off and Snow runs, thinking James is behind her. He’s not, so she goes back and uses her fairy dust to save him. He is touched that she sacrificed it for him. They are very clearly crushing on each other and there is a nice little scene where she tries on the ring, but they part ways without even smooching. We like that the show wants to drag this out. If they fall in love too quickly, we jaded viewers won’t believe it.

As for the real action, David Anders is on this show, since he can’t be Sark on Alias anymore and John Gilbert from The Vampire Diaries is dead. As usual, Anders plays a sketchball. Only he’s a doctor this time. Dr. Sketchball (real name: Dr. Whale). Mary Margaret goes on a date with him, but he is eyeballing the half-dressed Ruby (Little Red Riding Hood, who we didn’t know was a super slut), who is waitressing at the restaurant. Mary calls for the check and runs into Emma on her way home. Emma is sleeping in her car, even though we thought Mary had offered her a place to stay last week. We guess not. She just had Emma over for a visit. At the end of THIS episode, Mary offered her guest room, and Emma accepted.

Henry has figured out that the coma patient, a John Doe, is Prince Charming. Henry gets Emma to convince Mary to read to the patient from the storybook. While Mary reads to him, John Doe grabs her hand. Mary goes to get Dr. Sketchball, and the good doctor tells her that there is no change. He suggests that she fell asleep or imagined it. When Mary leaves the room. Dr. Sketchball calls Mayor Regina and tells her what happened and that there was a slight change in the patient’s brain activity. Regina looks concerned and angry, as usual.

The next day, it is discovered that John Doe is gone. Emma and everyone watching suspects Regina at first, but it turns out that he just got up and walked out of the hospital and into the woods. Henry says that John Doe is clearly looking for Snow White. Regina has been John Doe’s emergency contact since she found him, unconscious, on the side of the road a few years ago. Mary, Emma, and Sheriff Graham go looking for John Doe, because he’s in no physical condition to be on his own. Henry follows them against the wishes of every adult in town. It's pretty clear, at this point, that Sheriff Graham is the Huntsman who let Snow White go in the fairytale world, out of pity. This mirrors his real-world self. He works for Regina, but he disobeys her when he thinks she's being too harsh.

Henry lets everyone know that John Doe will likely go to the Toll Bridge (because it’s so much like the Troll Bridge - there's even grafitti on it to make it look like it says "troll"), and Henry is correct. They find John Doe lying in the water, face down. Mary does CPR and her “kiss” wakes him. When John Doe returns to the hospital, Regina shows up with his wife, Catherine, who is the real world version of Debbie Downer. Gasp. Prince Charming has a wife? That’s….just wrong. In any case, it’s going to complicate things for Emma, Mary, and Henry. But wait. Snow White married him first in the fairytale world, and they didn’t get a fairytale divorce, so the first marriage stands, right?

We chuckled, because no matter where Ginnifer Goodwin goes on TV, she finds herself in a marriage with more than one woman. Clearly, blondie needs to die. Emma comforted us by suggesting to Regina that the whole thing was a “load of crap,” and that it was really convenient for Regina to waltz in with this blonde chick as soon as John Doe (David) wakes up with amnesia. There’s a possibility that Catherine might be lying about being his wife. Then Regina says, “Not having someone is the worst curse imaginable.” Well, that’s depressing.

Episode grade: B-

The Rest of the Dramas! Sorry for all the lateness.

Ringer - “Oh Gawd, There’s Two of Them?”
Bridget has to tell Andrew and Henry that Siobhan had a twin. It turns out the Bridget’s new sponsor is working for Siobhan and he’s the one who killed Gemma. Gasp! Also, Malcolm escapes. After Juliet boozes, parties, and crashes a car in order to help her friend, Andrew cuts her off of her trust fun. Let’s all have a sarcastic slow clap for Andrew for doing the thing he should have done years ago. Good luck buying drugs when you don’t have access to $10 million. The fact that he didn’t do this in the first place means that Juliet should be taken away from him. Also, Juliet was scandalized and hurt that Andrew didn’t trust her motives. No sympathy. You do hard drugs in high school, you lose all expectation of trust. Overall, this show has really gone uphill.

Episode grade: B

American Horror Story - “Halloween 2”
Ok, Hayden was actually genuinely creepy. When she was rotting from the inside out, that was a nice touch. We are SO GLAD the dog wasn’t in the microwave. That would have been too far. Tate’s backstory is amazingly interesting and we look forward to the flashback and more details. Ben has been thrown out of the house by Vivien, but we hope that he has to come back soon. Out of everyone in that family, he is the one who most deserves to live in the haunted house, and it isn’t because he’s a cheater (although that doesn’t help). We feel bad for the way he has to deal with all that shame. He’s the worst because he has a pattern of covering things up. Everyone messes up in life. It’s how you deal with the aftermath, grit your teeth, and own up to things that decides whether you’re scum or not. No one likes a cover-up.

Episode grade: B

Revenge - “Charade”
Man, this was a good one. We had Nolan’s first takedown, and it was successful. The “Tyler is gay and in love with Daniel” theorists were correct. We liked the whole swapped identity thing, but man, Frank got way too close for comfort there. We, like many others, still aren’t buying the Declan/Charlotte romance, and we wish Declan had been cast by a different actor.

Episode grade: A-
The Secret Circle - “Beneath”
The Circle goes to Henry’s house to look for Jane, because Cassie hasn’t heard from her in days. The crew finds the house empty, but Cassie gets a text from Jane, saying that she is on her way home. The Circle decides to stay the night in Henry’s house. Diana experiences jealousy over Adam not being able to bear watching Cassie kiss Jake on a dare. Faye is jealous of Cassie and Jake’s budding romance. Jake rejects Cassie later, though. It seems that he is more into his witch-hunting team than her right now, but that might change. Henry reaches out to Faye from beyond the grave and Cassie finds his body. Meanwhile, Charles erases Jane’s memory and has Henry’s crystal. Most of these episodes have been heavy on the action and light on the character development. We got more quiet time with the characters during this episode, and we loved that. We also like when Diana starts to show her imperfect side, like when she made Cassie and Jake kiss. Most of all, we thought the music in this episode was really beautiful.

Episode grade: A

Fringe - “Novation”
We pretty much know how the Observers erased Peter now, if we hadn’t guessed already. The case of the week was boring, but the Peter/Olivia/Walter stuff was pretty good. Walter has rejected Peter as his son and a family member that he is allowed to keep. That’s sad, but we’re pretty sure he will come around, eventually, and help Peter figure things out. We’re glad to have Peter back.

Episode grade: B

Sons of Anarchy - “Kiss”
The way things are going, it looks like SAMCRO is going to have no choice but to kick Clay out of the club, which is something we are surprised hasn’t happened a long time ago. Clay gets one step closer to taking out Tara for good.

Episode grade: A-

Parenthood - “Forced Family Fun”
The main drama going on right now is the whole Seth thing. We hope he gets better, and he seems sincere, but this had better not affect Sarah’s new relationship, which is getting cuter all the time. Coffee girl needs to not sweat the small stuff and give Julia a break every once in a while. It’s like she gets paid for every awkward moment that she makes even more awkward.

Episode grade: B

Person of Interest - “Witness”
Reese has to protect a school teacher who saw a Russian mob shooting. Of course, Carter has to get all up in everyone’s business. The whole Carter thing had better turn out to be just as good as the rest of the show. It had just better pan out.

Episode grade: B-

Nikita - “Clawback”
Michael is mad at Nikita for not telling him about his son, even though she told him and pretty much did it right away. Ugh. We are kind of hating the whole Michael’s son thing. The son needs to die. We liked Alex’s plot this week, and we loved that Ryan came back.

Episode grade: B-

Prime Suspect - “Shame”
This episode featured a prostitute who killed, but we were less interested in her than the cop shenanigans that went on in this episode (like when two of them pretended that they were going to hit one of their informants). The team is getting along better, and we like that. The shooter from Grey’s Anatomy guest starred, and he was creepy in this, too.

Episode grade: B-

Grey’s Anatomy - “Heart-Shaped Box”
George’s mom returns and isn’t scandalized by Callie’s lesbianism. She just wants to see pictures of the baby. Aww. We enjoyed all the discussion and memories of George. We like when this show acknowledges its outlandishly crazy past. Jackson dumped Lexie because she doesn’t love him. She should, but she loves Mark instead. Finally, Henry is puking up blood, and that’s not good. We’re not saying we’d be devastated or anything, but it would be sad. Filler, but lighthearted, mature filler.

Episode grade: B-

Bones - “Memories in the Shallow Grave”
This was an average, “meh” episode, but it’s adorable to see Bones and Booth as a couple.

Episode grade: C+

A Gifted Man - “In Case of Memory Loss”
Michael comes across a former football player that he operated on a long time ago. The football player has since lost a lot of his memory and become homeless. Also, Michael has to treat a teenage girl who is having trouble coping with her best friend’s murder. Michael helps people. His wife haunts him. This was all par-for-the-course for this show.

Episode grade: B-

Comedies - Written as we listened to the Glee Christmas soundtrack part two for the first time!

Modern Family - Treehouse
We really liked the Cam and Mitchell storyline and Leslie Mann’s guest-starring role. We also liked the line “It’s like the gift of the vagi.” Ha. Jay and Gloria’s storylines need work, we think. Also, Jay shouldn’t dance with his arms raised over his shoulders if he wants people to see him as a straight man too. That’s a pro tip for all you guys out there. Gay = over the shoulders. Straight = never. Admittedly, Jay did say he was a bad dancer.

Episode grade: B

America’s Next Top Model - Game
Notice we always lump this show in with the comedies. We know you don’t disagree. Anyway, we official ship Game and Allison Harvard harder than just about anyone else on TV right now. We thought she had a bad voice though and that Lisa should have won the challenge. Lisa is really winning us over this season. We were disappointed that Alexandria went home. We thought her video came off as snobby, avant-garde, and fashionable, not awkward, and she had a really interesting voice tone. Game is way more of a sweetheart than we expected. We’re fans now.

Episode grade: B

South Park - 1%
The show gets points for being timely, but man, there was so much wasted opportunity here. We came away unsure of what the South Park guys THOUGHT of the 99% movement, which is disappointing, because we love to know their opinions. They keep us sane and balanced. We came away thinking that Trey and Matt (or Cartman) think that the 99% just want to blame the rich people because they can’t bring themselves to blame Obama, because he is black. We don’t think race has anything to do with it, if that’s what they are saying. People just don’t want to be wrong about their political party or who they voted for, so they always just examine evidence that confirms their original chosen side, race or not. Also, the episode just wasn’t very funny. We are, however, going to occupy somewhere stupid with signs to honor the show and take pictures.

Episode grade: C

New Girl - Naked
Jess saw Nick naked and he freaked out. Bonjour Le Peen. We think the roommates are sometimes too mean to Jess and Jess is sometimes a little too stupid. This episode was funny though, and Lake Bell came on and did her awkward thing.

Episode grade: B

Up All Night - Parents
We liked Reagan’s parents, but this episode just wasn’t as funny as we wanted it to be. And we are starting to agree that Maya Rudolph doesn’t fit the rest of the show. We did like her singing over the video for the dead crewmember though. That was the sole out-loud laugh for us.

Episode grade: C+

Suburgatory - Charity Case
Tessa has trouble getting her school to understand what she is saying when she tells them that they should stop wasting food. In order to let everyone know how the poor live, she brought a homeless transsexual to school, which we think is kind of rude to the homeless transsexual. Still, it was all pretty funny. We need Noah’s character to be fleshed out better in the future.

Episode grade: B

Happy Endings - Lying Around
Brad and Jane lie to each other in order to have staycations. Penny knows some guys who people have tried to set her up with in the past but, since she's happily in a relationship, she lends one to Alex to date. However, Penny becomes jealous and gets him back. Dave makes one of the funniest, most awkward commercials ever, and then Max ruins it by making it good, but forgetting to put the name of the business and what Dave sells in the ad.

Episode grade: B

Community - Advanced Gay
Pierce becomes a gay icon and Jeff kills Pierce’s father. Yeah, it was just as awesome as it sounds. One of us is determined to put an item in her will that will be given to whoever can best be blamed for her death, because that is just a spectacular idea. Also, some Good Will Hunting stuff happened with Trey again, and it was still funny.

Episode grade: B+

Parks and Recreation - End of the World
When a local cult predicts the end of the world, the main characters have to think about their lives and priorities. Tom throws a party, as usual, and April helps Andy complete his bucket list. His bucket list is not as weird as we wanted it to be, but that storyline was sweet. We mourn for Ben and Leslie. The last two episodes have missed the happy energy we like about this show. Episode grade: B

The Office - Doomsday
Dwight comes up with an incentive to scare the office workers into not making mistakes. He’s a sweetheart at the core though, because he called the whole thing off just in time. He and Pam really do have a special, creepy bond. We like that there was more of a focus on Jim, Pam, and Dwight than, like, Erin. This was one of the funnier episodes this season. This show isn’t dead yet.

Episode grade: B+

As for the Christmas album, it was better than the last one. So if you liked that, you'll love this. Sadly, Dianna Agron has no songs on it. AGAIN. Why does the show think we hate her pleasant voice?

The Vampire Diaries - Good episode, as usual.

"Ordinary People"

It's getting to the point where we are thinking of recommending this show to true nerds who usually don't watch things set in high school. And older people. And men. Middle-aged men even. It's getting to the point where this show is so good that we are having trouble thinking of someone who SHOULDN'T watch it. Even a quieter, exposition-heavy filler episode like this one is better than most shows' finales.

Alaric and Damon bring Elena to see the cave sketches. Alaric gets to work on figuring on the symbols (with some help from Bonnie), reminding us of how much is sucks to be the nerdiest person on a show where the people do more research than a professor’s assistant. Elena goes to Rebecca to speed things up. Rebecca is still cheerleading and showing off her flips, and we are still not impressed. One of us has a sister who can do this and much more.

You might think it was dumb of Elena to go warn Rebecca about their Michael plan and threaten her brother, but remember, Elena is still needed for Klaus’ plan. She is basically the one person who can threaten Rebecca and live. Surprisingly, Rebecca eventually gives Elena the story of the Original Family, after only a little bit of taunting and time-wasting. And so we got another backstory episode, but at least feature Elijah, who we think everyone has truly missed.

We’ve said before that this show’s backstory is ridiculously complicated, lending this show to lots of exposition by flashback. But we’ve since realized that the backstory stuff is necessary to slow the show down and get us to think about the characters. If everything on this show happened in real time, we would feel like we were on a speeding rollercoaster with no time to reflect about things like motives and tragedies. So, instead of “backstory,” we are going to call all of this stuff “the show’s mythology,” which sounds better, don’t you think?

Before Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492, the Originals got to the new world in order to escape from one of those European plagues. Esther, the family’s mother, found out about the new world from a witch, Ayanna. The new world was inhabited by werewolves, but there was peace between them and the Original Family for a while. We meet Michael, and we find out his likes and dislikes. Likes: Being a dick to everyone, being a hypocrite. Dislikes: Fun, especially laughter. Klaus was the rebellious child, because he pantsed Elijah during a practice swordfight. Harmless. Also: Hee. But then Klaus got his youngest brother, Henrik, killed by sneaking off with Henrik to watch the neighbors turn into werewolves.

This was the end of peace between the Originals and the werewolves. The Originals asked Ayanna to make them a spell that would turn them into super-beings so that they could fight the wolves. Papa Original is Michael (raise your hand if you saw that coming weeks ago), and he didn’t want to run. Out of pride, he wanted to stay and fight the wolves. Ayanna refused to help, so it was all up to Esther, the Original Witch. We were shocked, mainly because for years this show has been teaching us that all witches are black.

Esther turned her family into the first vampires so she wouldn’t lose any more children. We liked Rebecca’s acting while she was being turned. Sadly for the first vamps, nature balanced things out, and the vampires had weaknesses. Rebecca continued her story, telling Elena that when Klaus turned it became apparent that he was a hybrid. Klaus’ mother put him under the hybrid curse in order to suppress his werewolf side. Michael realized that Esther has been doing the nasty with a neighbor. Michael was pissed off enough about this to rip Esther’s heart out in front of Klaus. But we find out later that this last sentence is a lie.

Elena goes back to Alaric to share what she knows so that the deciphering can go faster. After looking at the drawings in context, Elena realizes that Klaus killed Esther, not Michael. Elena runs back to Rebecca with photos of the symbols. Rebecca goes mad with rage and grief, nearly kills Elena, and then just crumbles.

Damon frees Stefan, because he’s Damon, and took him to a bar to get some blood and drinkies. At first, we were all like, “Noooooooo,” but then we realized this was inevitable. Michael the vampire-hunting vampire shows up in the bar. Michael threatens, and nearly kills Damon. Out of concern for his brother, Stefan agrees to lure Klaus back to Mystic Falls so that Michael can kill Klaus. Michael said that if this plan fails, he will kill Stefan. He’s the vampire-hunting vampire, so we are guessing Michael is going to try to kill every vampire in town anyway. We’re pretty sure that the gang just traded in one problem for an even bigger one. We hate this guy already. One of us is pretty excited, though.

When Elena walks into her bedroom, she finds Damon waiting for her in her bed. Above the covers and clothed, so don’t get excited. They fill each other in a little. Elena tells Damon that she isn’t mad at him for letting Stefan out, because she thinks that it won’t be Stefan’s love for her that will save the day, but his love for Damon. Elena falls asleep next to Damon in the bed. This is not the first time these two have slept next to each other. Even though we ship them almost as hard as we ship Alaric/Damon, we think these two need to cool it with the bed sharing until they are together. It’s defusing the sexual tension and it’s not smart of Elena.

Katherine had better be alive. We didn't see her with Michael. GRRR. If you liked the song at the end of the episode, it's free on amazon's mp3 store right now. We didn't especially care for it, but we know some of ya'll might.

Episode grade: B

This grade is on a "Vampire Diaries Scale." If we were comparing this show to other shows, every grade would be at least an A-. This show is Ern-proof (Ern loves to give bad grades).

Shows picked up for a full season

Once Upon a Time just got a full season pick up. After only two episodes! Woooo hoooooo!

Also, people are discovering how hilarious Happy Endings is (finally!!), and it got an order for nine more episodes this season. Seriously, this show is so good that it turned Elisha Cuthbert from annoying to adorable. Last Man Standing gets nine more episodes too.

ABC ordered five more scripts for Pan Am, but that hasn't gotten picked up for a full season yet. It is struggling, so if you like the show, tell your friends.