Glee focuses on Finn too much, Parks and Recreation gets going, Grey's Anatomy does the unthinkable, Scandal gives us a whole hour without Hot President, and The Vampire Diaries mishandles Elena

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Glee- The Role You Were Born to Play
Good things about this episode: Blake's appearance as Rider, Kitty's singing voice, and Mercedes coming back. Bad things: They wasted Mercedes on a boring song, Kitty is still a copy of Quinn and Sue mixed, all the Finn stuff played out like a bad after-school special, Unique is Rizzo instead of Kitty, Marley is getting to be a bland character (at least Rachel had ambition), no Rachel, no Kurt, no New York, we're not sure "weird, nice guy" is the best choice for Blake's character (since we already have Sam and we were looking forward to seeing him be the mean boy), and Finn is sticking around to coach the Glee club. Can we nominate anyone else? Quinn would have been a great sub! She's actually deep and intelligent. We didn't want any of the songs, but we liked Blaine's Hopelessly Devoted to You, and we also enjoyed Everybody Talks as a male/female duet.
Episode grade: C+

Parks and Recreation- Ben's Parents
Breaking Bad's Jonathan Banks (Mike) did a great job as Ben's crotchety dad. Ulani was pretty hilarious too. Ben's storyline made Ern think of her own parents, who are similar and don't enjoy sharing room space. There aren't enough unity quilts in the world... That's why we loved when Ben said, "Well, if there's anyone who can bring my parents together it's...NO ONE. No one can ever bring them together." Everyone else's storylines were good too. There wasn't a single stinker. Tom ditching Jean Ralphio was long overdue.

We've been wanting Ann and Chris to get back together for a long time, but he has to go through some stuff, and Ann has to become more independent and self-possessed. These things are happening! Did you guys know the guy playing Chris is 48 though? Holy moly, he looks good. Rashida Jones is 36. So does it work with the formula? (A man can date a woman if her age is at least "half his age plus 8.") That means he can date a 32-year-old without shame, so Ann is in! Yay. Also, Twizzlers are much better than Red Vines. The season slump is over! Ben and April are home!
Episode grade: A-

Grey's Anatomy- Beautiful Doom
They. Killed. Feeny. WHAT?! We actually teared up. Thank God Cristina could get on a plane. Your only friend is dead, Cristina, come hoooome. Come home for good. Has she? Please? We loved Meredith saving Melissa's life. Meredith is one of the most genuinely likable and compassionate TV characters now. We can't believe we wanted her dead in season three's ferry crash. Since she's not all flaky and tortured anymore, she's mature and no longer annoying. We liked her in seasons one and two, but in season three, she and Derek broke up for no reason. Then it took all of season four for Meredith to get her stuff together. Our favorite line was, "Who's letting her have gummy worms?!!...Doesn't matter."
Episode grade: B+

Scandal- All Roads Lead to Fitz
We got more information on the conspiracy. It includes tons of people, including the first lady and Cyrus. There's something to do with election rigging abilities. It's all surprisingly interesting. So Fitz wasn't really elected? He lost by less than 5,000 votes, and this week's murderer should have been president instead? That's what it looks like, but on this show, things aren't always what they seem. Clearly, the right guy is in office, because the governor is so obsessed with power and success that he literally doesn't want to live without them.

Abby is majorly betraying Olivia. The case of the week was entertaining, but we don't think that would fall under attorney/client privilege. She wasn't acting as his attorney, was she? She was acting as a fixer. That's arguable. She might be able to sneak it through. We knew the wife was having an affair the entire time, but we didn't know the husband knew until near the end. We missed Fitz, but we enjoyed so much forward-movement in this season's major arc.
Episode grade: B

The Vampire Diaries- The Killer
There were a lot of good things about this episode. First, we liked that Connor is dead and we love that Elena killed him. It was so bad ass and everything we've wanted to see from this character. It's a pity the episode ruined it right afterward. Plenty of characters have killed on this show, and while we like remorse, total crying breakdowns are annoying and sort of sexist. Only...Caroline is a good person too, and she didn't react like this. It makes sense for Elena to pause, look sad, and take a deep, mournful breath, but all of this drama? Bleck. We LIKE Elena and don't think she's a damsel. If you hate her, we feel your pain this week.

It's getting lame how much the show has to emphasize Elena's compassion. We know it's part of her character, but you wouldn't see this kind of reaction from any of the guys on this show. Why is a guy's primary character trait never "compassion"? Elena couldn't have her kick-ass moment even though it was self-defense. The show had to immediately turn her into a crying puddle again. Now, she hallucinates too! Of course, she still can't wipe her mouth, even though she can bury a guy.

We're interested in what's going on with Professor Shane and Bonnie. He's clearly against her friends, but he's helping her and has control over Bonnie's unconscious mind now. That's going to come back to bite her. This episode was extremely gory, and we liked it. Especially the whole in the one hybrid's chest! We loved Haley telling Caroline, "I don't do teen drama." Where is the show going with her and how long is she staying? Now the town has underground tunnels. Could be useful. Overall, this was a decent episode that Elena tried to ruin by losing it.
Episode grade: B

Supernatural brings back DJ Quarth (ugh), Nashville keeps Scarlett annoying, AHS stays crazy, Modern Family wins, and Arrow can't manage to be believable even for a second

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Supernatural- Southern Comfort
We like Garth about as much as Dean does. We hate when people don't have their own identites, so they start dressing and tlaking like just one other person. At least merge a couple of people together, yeesh. We know a girl who Single White Females another girl we know like crazy. Every time Girl #1 changes her hair, Girl #2 copies it. She wants to go to the same school as Girl #1, she has the same dreams and aspirations, and she buys the same clothes and shoes. It's hilarious, but sad. Garth was already annoying, but now he's doing stuff like this. We dislike him even more than Sam. Sam deserved to get screamed at, and if he attacks Benny, we hope Benny wins and kills Sam. Sam should have died at the end of season five when he went to hell with Satan.

Dean should have then found a way to get Sam transferred to heaven, teamed up with Castiel and Bobby, and continued the show with that gang instead. Sam could have guest starred when they needed a heavenly visit or ghost or something. Because Sam IS a traitor, and he HAS done the stupidest things. We keep forgiving him, and so has Dean, but not us. His girlfriend? Not better than Dean and not worth quitting the business for. She's just a woman who knew how to play hard to get. This show has the worst female characters (except for the blonde incarnation of Ruby and the Harvelle women). We liked the case, but the people on the screen need to shape up.
Episode grade: B-

Nashville-Movie It on Over
After a great pilot, this show kept meandering, tensionless and in a rut. Scarlett's storyline still isn't going anywhere. She's fighting with her insecure, putz boyfriend over the same darn thing. She should have dumped him at the end of the episode. Everyone else eked forward a little this week though. We found out what was up with Teddy and Peggy. That'll lead to nowhere good. Our fingers are crossed for a divorce. We like Juliette and Deacon as just friends, even if they are a little co-dependent. It's weird when he has sex with her, because she's so young. We're sure their relationship will go back to a romantic one, but we're enjoying the break from the skeeviness for now. We also like seeing Deacon's demons come back a little and Rayna hanging the phone up on him for good. It's cool to see her writing songs. We're also glad the addict mom went to rehab. No good songs this week.
Episode grade: B

American Horror Story- I Am Anne Frank (part 1)
Sigh. On the one hand, the last thing poor Anne Frank's memory needed was to be associated with this show. Did it have to be Anne Frank? Couldn't it have been any other Auschwitz inmate? On the other hand, the show kind of got away with it. The way Anne lived made sense. It's remotely possible. Maybe we'll soon find out that she's just crazy. Also, we thought we could trust Ryan Murphy to remember that Anne was probably bisexual (due to a few words her father edited out of her diary before publication). We guess Murphy thought they already covered the lesbian angle with Lana, so he gave Anne a dead husband. Anne is played by Franka Potente of Run Lola Run, a good, but overrated, movie.

So, Arden is actually a scary Holocaust doctor who experimented on Jews. We love that Sister Jude believes Anne. Who else laughed at the chronic masturbating guy? Lana's diversion therapy scenes were hard for us to watch. That would be a hard experience for a straight woman, let alone a gay one. Grace's imaginary flashback was disgusting. We like that she's guilty though. Shelley is being turned into one of those monsters, we think. One of the interesting things about this episode is the commentary that "it all starts with jokes." That's kind of true. Anti-Semetic jokes were being told and written in Germany decades before the Holocaust. By the time Hitler came on the scene, the groundwork was set. Yet jokes about Jews like we see on South Park are funny and actually seem to have an opposite effect.

Maybe it's the tone of the joke: whether it's satire on racists, or whether it's actually racist. Whether it's told in a judgmental way, or whether it's told good-naturedly to a Jewish friend who also jokes about your heritage. Maybe it's too dangerous, and we should scrap them altogether. Especially if Anne Frank is waiting in your local bar to attack you for telling them. This episode was completely over-the-top, with every storyline being far-fetched and absolutely disgusting. But that's this show, and we guess it's time we accepted that. Were we entertained? Yes. Were we scared? Naw.
Episode grade: B

Modern Family- Arrested
Well, we have Haley back. We're glad. She's funny. It's pretty harsh for her to get expelled completely though. It as a surprise. But this was one of the funniest episodes of the season. This year is starting to prove that there are more good one-liners in this show. Cam and Mitchell were apart, so they could only fight in the first couple of minutes. Phil stepped up, and so did Haley. We even liked Gloria and Jay's storyline. It was time to bury the hatchet between Gloria and DeDe. The flashbacks weren't kind to DeDe, who has been physically transformed for the worst in just a few short years. That's age though. It will happen to all of us. Loved the Legally Blonde reference (and that movie).
Episode grade: A

Arrow-Damaged
Deathstroke (the guy who tortured Oliver on the island) looks awesome! It's hard to pull off scary and intimidating in a supervillain costume, but he did it. That was the most interesting island flashback yet. It was good to see island enemies. Okay, it was dumb for Oliver to get himself arrested just so he'll never be suspected again, because now he has his name associated with the vigilante where it really wasn't before. He should have saved that trick for when he was being suspected. When newspapers were starting to associate his re-appearance with Arrow. Also, no one questions that rich Oliver couldn't just hire someone to pose as Arrow? Because he DID, except Dig didn't get paid. Moira is upset that someone tried to kill Oliver...even though she tried to kill Oliver on the yacht. For us, Detective Lance carried the episode. He brings some emotion to things. Oliver is a little stiff. Entertaining episode though. Easy to watch.
Episode grade: B

The BBC Sherlock is the best Sherlock Holmes out there (better than RDJ and Elementary, and we don't hate those)

By Benedict_Cumberbatch_filming_Sherlock.jpg: Fat Les from London, UK derivative work: RanZag (Benedict_Cumberbatch_filming_Sherlock.jpg) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

None of our shows were on last night because of the US presidential election. Obviously, we're not going to tell you whether we are happy with the results, because this isn't a political blog. But we will say that there isn't much of a practical difference in what Romney and Obama would actually do. Obama likes gay people? Cool. That doesn't mean they will be able to marry. Even that awesome power is limited. Since we have no regularly scheduled post, this is a good time to talk about Sherlock for the first time. We just finished all six episodes, and we were pretty pleased with them. We're not sure we understand the level of obsession some people seem to have with it, but it was enjoyable and we look forward to season three. It's clever and well-written. There's some good humor. Sherlock's ego is just big enough. But let us be clear: Benedict Cumberbatch is not hot. #sackofpotatoes

For those of you who haven't seen it, you should. Sherlock is an update of the original stories that brings them to present day and sometimes improves on them. Each episode is based on one of the more famous Conan Doyle stories. It's true to the characters, and the characterization is great. We like seeing a Sherlock with actual Asperger's rather than just arrogance and intelligence. The relationship between Sherlock and Watson is adorable. There are only six episodes, but you should know that they are each an hour and a half long. It's best if you treat them like six 90-minute movies. It's not one of those shows that you can follow if you're not paying attention. It's not a good one to have in the background. Get popcorn, dim the lights, and just watch one at a time like they are films. The acting is good.

For those of you have have seen it, our favorite episodes were the first and third episodes of season one. We also liked the most recent episode, the finale of season two. We weren't nuts about the season two premiere. All of the sudden, Sherlock was good at hand-to-hand combat, like the Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock. Can't a guy be brilliant and bad ass without having to also be able to beat up other guys too? We didn't like that incarnation of Irene Adler either. Watching her pursuing Sherlock was a little boring. We can't say that the actress and Benedict had a lot of chemistry either, even though she was gorgeous and did a fine job. As a romance, it didn't work or pull at our heartstrings. Our least favorite episode has to be The Blind Banker though, since it was the most boring. Moriarty is great. He's freaky in a way that most TV villains are not. It's a great success. His first appearance was truly shocking. We can't wait to find out how Sherlock lived in the finale.

Did you say Good Wife, Homeland, and Downton? YEAH YOU DID. (And there's Revolution too)

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The Good Wife- The Art of War
Who doesn't love a good rape case? On TV, on TV. Never in real life. We loved when the military judge stood between Amanda Peet and her attempted racist when he was trying to brown nose. That was the best part of that. As soon as we heard Alicia say, "Let's win this," we knew they were going to lose. We guess even really smart lawyers can still be beaten by the Rules of Jinx. Bye bye Mandy Post. Can't say we're sorry for your loss. We finally know where the Maddie stuff is going, and we're not sure we like it. Kalinda's stupid husband was only in this episode for a couple of minutes, and we can all be grateful for that. Now that Alicia knows he's dangerous, can she please get rid of him? Who loves Jackie's new caregiver? We dooooo.
Episode grade: B+

Homeland- A Gettysburg Address
Is it just us, or was that the first relative snoozer of the season (compared to other episodes of this show, of course)? The new status quo has taken the tension out of a lot of major storylines for this show. What are we supposed to worry about now? Finn and Dana? Psh, that'll be the day. Not that there weren't important events. Mike and Jessica think Brody is a terrorist now. If they thought that a few days ago, they would have been right. They can't even be right when they are RIGHT. Ugh, so behind, guys. If Quinn is gone, we're going to be upset. He was our favorite new character and the man we hope Carrie ends up with. He won't put up with any of her s***. We felt bad for Brody when he was all confused and getting screamed at.
Episode grade: B

Revolution- The Children's Crusade
Yet another motherflippin adventure of the week. Don't worry, we expected it. They will find Danny in the season finale. It will be a cliffhanger where Charlie hugs him, and then they turn around and see Monroe holding a knife to their mother's throat. Roll credits. We're just going to try to enjoy the show as a weekly adventure thing. So, Danny is sort of the reason the power went out? Ha, and he got his dad killed too. He's just replaced Nora as "most useless person on this show." Hopefully Charlie can put her new brand to good use tricking people. The good news is that Charlie wasn't as annoying this week. Yeah, she jumped at the chance to save the orphan boy, but Miles backed her up quickly. When a man backs up a woman's bleeding-heart move, it's more tolerable, right viewers? : /
Episode grade: B-

Downton Abbey- Season three finale
Well, this was the quietest Downton finale in history. Now tragic love cliffhanger? No angst? Almost no drama? Edith has a Jane Eyre situation, and we quite like it. We don't like cousin Rose though. Sorry, but if you run around with married guys, that's gross. We should all react like Edith did. We love the Edith we saw in this episode: smart, strong, direct, and awesome. We didn't know Tom was so intelligent until this week either. Thankfully Mary can have children now. There are too many infertility plots on TV. Is it time for a time jump to grow up baby Sybil a little? We're pretty sure in that day and age, no one would be defending Thomas like that. It was unrealistic, but sweet. Of course, Thomas has been such a poop throughout the show's history that we weren't touched. Violet was in fine form, as usual. All-in-all, it was a pleasant watch, but it wasn't the stuff of memorable, stunning finales.
Episode grade: B-

If you live in the US, go vote while there's still time!

Once Upon a Time, Walking Dead, Revenge, and Dexter

By Kristin Dos Santos from Los Angeles, California, United States (Image:Prison Break Cast.jpg [1]) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Hello creatures. We've been having internet problems, but we're back.

Once Upon a Time- Tallahassee
Not only did Hurley's presence this week remind us of LOST, so did the episode title. One of those writers must have spent a lot of time in Tally...God knows why. Bleck. Go to Gainesville instead, readers. When Hurley thumped out as the giant, we cackled. There's nothing fearsome about that guy, even if they make him larger. We were impressed that Hook could climb the beanstalk. We didn't feel bad for him in the end. Supposedly, he will be released soon, and he was also being a total sexual harasser during the entire adventure. Emma is so stupid. She should have had Hurley hold Hook for a month, not ten hours. He's going to catch up and become a problem. We liked Henry and Aurora's identical scary dreams. Nothing like dark prophecy to spice up a fantasy.

We finally got the backstory on Henry's dad, Neal, who August convinced to abandon her for her own good. Neal really loved Emma! What was in the box?!! Is this show going to pull a Pulp Fiction and not tell us? We're pretty sure it was neither a soul nor gold. This episode was good for Emma's character development. We got to see why she is the way that she is (annoying). She was jilted, abandoned, and spent time in prison. They did a good job making Jennifer Morrison look younger. That's about as good as it's going to get. We are left to ponder who we ship Emma with: Hook, August, or Neal? We're thinking Hook would be the most interesting. Or Rumpy's son.
Episode grade: B

The Walking Dead- The Killer Within
No zombie baby, but there were major deaths this week. No one likes the wives on AMC (except for some people liking Megan Draper), so everyone should be happy that Lori is gone, right? We're really not. Her death was sad sad sad. Her speech to Carl almost got us tearing up. Rick's reaction was devastating. The first half of this episode was dull, but it ended like a finale. Heck yes. This season is doing everything it can to win us back. We liked the show starting to alternate between Andrea and the original group. Not a whole lot happened with Andrea and Michonne though. That was set up for later. Andrea is going to regret her little crush on the Governor. Is it a crush? Michonne is predictably smart. RIP T-Dog, who has been replaced by a new black man, Oscar. He seems cool. Carl having to shoot his mom's body was messed up. We're in a terrible mood from watching that, but we'll admit the episode was pretty good.
Episode grade: B+

Revenge- Illusion
Aiden and Amanda go to the Grayson wedding together. While Daniel dances with Amanda, Aiden and Ashley share a dance. Now, we know the normal viewer was watching Daniel regret the end of his relationship with Amanda, but since we are so focused on the new hottie, we sensed an odd closeness between Aiden and Ashley. They are both British. They are both sneaky as hell. They are totally in cahoots. We know it. That's what's going down. Because you know this show wouldn't spend so much time on boring Ashley unless she has a secret of her own. Aiden tries to get Amanda to trust her again, and looks like he's going in for a kiss. He's all "I've changed." She tells him to leave. Is she a real person? With, like, a libido and everything? Doubtful.
Episode grade: B

Dexter- Do the Wrong Thing
When did LaGuerta turn into a brilliant cop? So inconvenient for everyone and WE LOVE IT. Oh Quinn...you had other options here. Helping Isaak get released was a new low, but at least it was to rescue Nadia from human trafficking. We hate human trafficking. Deb dating a true crime writer is also a dumb move. This episode suffered because Dexter's investigation into Hannah took too long. We knew she was a killer already. We didn't need to watch Dexter confirm it for that long. Hannah kills people rather than get attached to them. That's a new spin on intimacy issues. We've got intimacy issues of our own, but damn...they aren't that rough. We're not sure if we ship Hannah and Dexter, but we're just so happy Dexter's love interest this season isn't Deb.
Episode grade: B

Two weeks of Modern Family, Parks and Rec, and newcomer Mockingbird Lane

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Modern Family- Open House of Horrors and Yard Sale
Last year, Modern Family didn't have a Halloween episode. We are of the opinion that every TV show, dramas included, should have a Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas episode. Maybe even a New Years one too. Who can forget the Friends episode where Ross and Monica did The Routine? There's golden stuff there. This Modern Family episode had the most enjoyable Claire material in weeks. THis episode made us wish the show was just about her, Phil, Alex, Luke, and Haley. Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while knows that we are LGBT friendly and not racist, so it's not because of those things that we say the "traditional" family's plots and jokes are just more enjoyable. They are funnier.

Manny is pretty funny too. We wish the show was just that family and Manny was the next door neighbor friend of Luke's. Of course, Gloria chasing the kids was pretty amusing (YOU PUT EGG ON MY HOUSE, I KILL WHAT YOU LOVE), as was Jay's attempt to talk his way out of a ticket. We also thought Lily was more tolerable last week. Last night, the funniest thing was Alex's gay boyfriend. Gloria having (and marrying) a puppet was the runner up. There are still jokes in this show, but they aren't to be found in Cam and Mitchell's bickering, Claire being uptight, or Gloria mispronouncing words. As long as the show stays away from those things, we'll like it.
Episode grades: A- and B-

Parks and Recreation- Halloween Surprise
We should have waited for the director's cut to watch this episode, but we didn't, and it wasn't good enough to watch the whole thing again for four minutes. Still, it was good. We are SO SO glad that April and Ben are done in D.C. and now Leslie and Ben are engaged. That needed to happen for the sake of this season. We didn't think the proposal scene was that great, although it was surprising. It didn't beat Jim and Pam's wordless engagement scene on The Office. Still, it was sweet. The Ron Swanson plot wasn't as funny as it could have been, but we liked when Leslie tried to auction Ann off. She needed to track down that hottie who was bidding. Jerry having a heart attack wasn't that funny, but we're glad that Tom seems to finally have a good business idea. There was no new episode last night.
Episode grade: B+

Mockingbird Lane was a B, but you guys know there's only one episode of that show and it hasn't been picked up, right? That's why the network just wanted to burn it off for Halloween. Still, not bad. Pretty funny. We don't think it would be something we'd want to watch much more of though.

Yesterday's, Today (Supernatural, Arrow, Nashville, American Horror Story )

By Ewen Roberts from San Diego, CA, United States [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Supernatural- Blood Brother
If we were to describe the contents of this episode to you -- Benny's backstory, Dean creatively killing vampires, flashback to Castiel, Dean ditching Sammy for the case-of-the-week, Sam finding out about Benny, Dean being an awesome friend, betrayal, and allusions to Hemingway -- you might be fooled into thinking this was a good week. Not so. Aside from the completely unoriginal episode title, this episode was extremely boring, especially in the first half. It took Benny way to long to tell Dean his story in the car. By the time they got to Benny's maker's house, the episode was more than 20 minutes in. That's right, a phone call and a drive took that long. At least the look on Sam's face right before the credits was hilarious.
Episode grade: C

Arrow- An Innocent Man
Finally, we have an episode that was as fun as the pilot. The last two episodes had us bored and worried, but this one was serviceable entertainment, mostly thanks to its surprising ending. What an idiot! He needs to change BEFORE he goes on illegal killing sprees. Duh. We like Laurel's cop dad. We're starting to root for him. The truth is, in this show, Oliver doesn't seem that necessary. We don't get the sense that the police are incompetent or corrupt, like in Gotham. They've already caught Arrow, right? They can't be that bad, and Detective Lance doesn't seem corrupt. He keeps making us with the next book of The Dresden Files was out already...

We cringe whenever this show deals with legal matters. Having Laurel be an attorney was a poor choice for a show that already walks the line between believable and ridiculous. That judge would have stayed the execution with evidence like that. We finally realized where we'd seen Oliver's sister before. She's Agnes from Gossip Girl, the model who burned Jenny's dress collection. She's so pretty. Those cheekbones. We watch her and then fondle our own cheekbones (okay, fat cheeks) in the mirror, cursing the Lord (not really, we love him). We also saw a familiar face from Doctor Who.
Episode grade: B

Nashville- We Live in Two Different Worlds
Gunnar and Scarlett's music is so impressive that Ern, the blogger who doesn't like country music, has downloaded two of their songs. Rayna and Juliette's songs suck a bag of d***s though. This week was heavy on the drama, but at least it split Rayna and Deacon up for good. Our main complaint with this show right now is that there's no tension for the viewer and little direction. Where are we going with this? What are the stakes? Peggy and Teddy are either boning or involved in bad business together. We hope it has to do with his financial troubles because an affair would be an easy out for Rayna, and the show needs to conflict. We're having trouble tolerating Scarlett's speaking voice. She just seems like such a doormat, wet-blanket, girly-girl, twit. Nut up and dump Avery. He's a douche.
Episode grade: B

American Horror Story- Nor'easter
So, that ending ruined our lives. Ern is rarely scared by entertainment and can count the times fiction scared her on Mickey Mouse's hand. However, Ern must admit that mutilation is a good way to at least disturb. That was horrifying. Still, we've been desensitized by previous mutilation on the screen (The Last King of Scotland). Poor, poor Shelly. We blame that demon in Sister Eunice. Dr. Arden is the most messed-up person in the whole joint, bar none. Talk about Madonna/Whore issues. Talk about issues with women. What we wouldn't give to have a flashback where we meet his mother. Kit, Grace, and Lana should have kept running past the nasties. Sure, there was a storm, but Briarcliff is hell. We'd take hurricane Sandy over that place.
Episode grade: A-

The Vampire Diaries- The Five

Okay, so we're not nuts about how repetitive this show is getting. We feel like we've seen these plots before. We need gamechangers. Maybe for a few characters to leave Mystic Falls again. Maybe a major death or pairings shakeup. Maybe a better new villain. Hopefully this professor can serve that purpose... We don't need him teaching Bonnie to do more magic though. Bonnie can already do pretty much everything. Plus, all the magic gives the show an easy out. The show needs to nix the witches so people have to live with the consequences of death and other things.

We kind of figured that somehow Elena would get cured. Now it's a certainly. Oh, how dull. If the show wants to win back our respect, it will make Damon or someone surprising back into a human and keep Elena as a vampire. Of course the season is going to be spent looking for a magical object, just like past seasons have spent time looking for weapons. The show needs to stop making Rebekah pathetic. The show needs to stop it with the Super Compassionate Elena Commentary On Why She's Jesus. She realized that she didn't want to be like Damon in the span of one episode, and that's a problem. She just wants to cry on Stefan's shoulder.

We thought Elena turning into a vampire might make her bad ass, but we guess you can't be a sweet, likable heroine and still take care of yourself/rip off heads, right? The show needs to bring back the emotions. We didn't feel anything this week. We didn't like judge-y Bonnie ruining Elena's fun at the party, but we did like Elena choosing to feed on Roofie Boy. Vampire vigilante? Yes, please. That would be a great place to take the Elena character. We bet it was just for this week though, and she'll just keep mooning over the brothers.

If we were Bonnie, we would've been more concerned that no vampire ever seems able to wipe their mouths after a feeding on this show. You have sleeves, guys. So, Caroline is a genius and "too good" at self-control. We're glad that someone on the show finally mentioned that she should teach Elena. But because wisdom wouldn't interesting to watch, Elena shoots Stefan's idea down. Ugh. Klaus was annoying this week, and we usually like him. At least he'll be in Italy looking for a sword for a while, right? We miss Katherine. And Elijah. We know we saw him in a flashback, but it was all too brief and we want to see him in the present. And where was Caroline this week?

This is one of our favorite shows, and it was unbelievably good for 2.5 years. You're better than this, TVD!!!!
Episode grade: C+

Breaking Swift parody

For caught-up Breaking Bad fans (the only kind of Breaking Bad fans there should be, by the way).

Three Halloween comedies (Mindy, New Girl, Happy Endings), and no Parenthood

The Mindy Project- Halloween
We're still waiting for this show to get good. We give dramas five episodes, but we try to give new comedies longer. That's because comedies take a while to find their best tone most of the time. Examples include Sex and the City, Parks and Recreation, and Awkward. You judge comedies most fairly around episodes 7-10. We like that this episode brought back Josh, but he wasn't that memorable, so it took us a while to place him. We'll remember him now. We can't believe he hasn't seen The Princess Bride. What a reject. Our favorite thing about this episode was the DMV plotline. It's hard to pull of a good molestation joke, but last night did it. This wasn't the worst episode so far. But the show needs to flesh out its supporting characters and tone in the next couple of weeks.
Episode grade: B-

New Girl- Halloween
Jess punching Nick as payback is an example of something that works perfectly on TV, but would never happen in real life. It would be awkward and slightly abusive. Funnily enough, people get punched jumping out at people in haunted houses all the time. Tons of people do karate, which aims to rewire you to react differently when scared or attacked. Namely, the punch. Most karate students drop out before black belt, but it doesn't take long for them to get the punching reaction. Ern's brother punched someone in a haunted house. It's a hazard. We loved Sam in this episode. We are so so so bummed that he didn't want to go out with Jess. Maybe he'll miss her! Maybe there's hope!

That redhead Nick crushed on is so pretty. We've seen her in a lot before. Thank God Winston and Shelby are over. She's not funny. It was good of the episode to give Winston a story and some decent screentime this week. Keep that up, show. We feel bad for Robbie, who is funny. Obviously, CeCe and Schmidt are going to hook up again, and then they will ruin their relationship immediately thereafter. But Robbie is a cool guy. We laughed at all the Abe Lincoln stuff. We do think about him a lot....Probably not every day though. Overall, this was a funny episode. Nick screaming at the clown in the haunted house made our lives. He's a good screamer.
Episode grade: B+

Happy Endings- Sabado Free-Gante
This show gets lower ratings than it deserves. Anything that can redeem Elisha Cuthbert for a former 24 fan (Ern) has to be amazeballs, right? Well, it is. Maybe the episode didn't get watched because of the lame commercial that only showed their pain-in-the-ass-lookin' Halloween costume. Most of the episode didn't feature Halloween or that physical gag, which would have gotten tiring if the show kept it up more than the three minutes it actually did. Jane at the car dealership was gold. Alex and Dave took the silver with their denial ("It's definitely haunted.") For us, Brad and Max got the bronze (worst storyline) trying to get free things on a Saturday. We find Penny a little too cartoonish compared to the rest of the gang, so the show might want to watch that. Other than that, this episode was funny and people should watch this show.
Episode grade: B

Downton Abbey is good, Revolution frustrates, The Good Wife needs to move onto better stories, and 666 Park Avenue just lost us

Revolution- Sex and Drugs
Terrible episode title, even worse episode. It looked like something was about to happen after Danny's arrival at Monroe's camp. Don't get excited. He just met Monroe and hugged his mom. The group got stuck on yet another weekly side adventure. Drexel wasn't nearly as interesting or scary a leader as The Walking Dead's Governor. He was just annoying. We didn't like that Aaron was such a loser in his flashbacks. Yeah, he's not a coward now, but that doesn't make up for what he did to his wife. We knew Charlie wouldn't kill that guy. If she had, well, this would be a better show. We would have been impressed. But she's a pretty little bunny rabbit that this show is trying too hard to make us like. It keeps her from being a believable person. This show needs to speed the heck up before it loses its audience.
Episode grade: C

Downton Abbey- Season three, episode seven
This episode was happier than the last two weeks, which mostly dealt with Sybil's death. It was understandable that the show didn't jump back into light-hearted plot lines though. Branson and Sybil's baby is gorgeous. We've hardly ever seen a prettier baby that young. We're glad Bates is back because that subplot was devoid of tension and we didn't really care anyway. We love Mary with Branson. It's nice to see her sweet side. It's also cool to see her side with Matthew and not her father on running Downton. When you get married, that's what you have to do.

Thomas's homosexuality wasn't treated as a creepy joke in this episode. The show made him seem like a lonely guy who got confused, rather than some villainous predator. It's a good move for the show politically, but since it's gotten us to hate Thomas, it's sad that we can't rejoice at his bad fortune. The aftermath of the event made him too sympathetic. We love to hate him, but the show isn't going to let us hate him. We love City Edith! She's smart, confident, and likable. Hopefully this leads to Edith finding her place in the world. The episode's ending was hilarious. We can't believe there's only one episode left in the season. How will we stand the wait?
Episode grade: B

666 Park Avenue- A Crowd of Demons
Alright, we're bored with this show. It's just a compilation of supernatural incidents with little overarching plots, almost no likable characters, and snoozy pacing. It's been five episodes. That's how many we usually give our new shows. If by some miracle it becomes a hit, we'll catch up and watch it again. Our time is valuable, even though we watch this much TV.
Episode grade: C-

The Good Wife- Waiting for the Knock
So far, this season has been fine, but it isn't as good as last year. All of the episodes have been well made, but nothing has peaked our interest to the point where we are holding our breaths waiting for the next episode. We think it's because there's nothing going on that we care about, even though the episodes are good. This episode continues that streak of disappointing serviceability. Sadly, Kalinda's husband is still around, and he's still taking the show to a stupid place. We don't like Lana either. We ship Kalinda and Cary. No, wait, we don't.

We love Cary and we're not nuts about Kalinda. We ship her and no one. Cary and someone awesome who has not yet been seen on the show. Or Cary and Diane. Yeahhhhhh. We don't care about the girl lying about sleeping with Peter, his campaign, or that story. We don't care about Maddie and Alicia's friendship much either. The only tolerable thing about all that is Eli, who we will never stop loving. Eli and Kalinda? We don't care about the firm. We know it will be saved because there would be no show without it. Only the cases of the week can get us to tear our eyeballs away from our phones. This one wasn't the best, but it was pretty good. Lamond has a cute kid.
Episode grade: B-

Ern reads every Stephen King book. Post 1: Carrie

That is a picture of me and Stephen King. If you follow me on tumblr, you've already seen it. I got to meet him for my high school graduation present. My mom told me I was going to get lame senior pictures professionally done. I was less than enthused...until we got to our destination and Stephen King lived there. (Don't worry, Mom's at-the-time boyfriend knew him; we would never stalk King. He likes his privacy and I can respect that.) Well done, Mom. I know it was a sacrifice for her to not get those senior pics. I was so stunned. I could only mutter, "I really loved the Dark Tower books." He was very nice and humble. Best day ever. I was really grateful. 

This is my first time reading Carrie. From seeing half of the Sissy Spacek movie and hearing the ending, I felt like I knew the story and didn't need to read it. I skimmed it once in the library. But I've been wanting to go over all King's books this year. I've read a lot of them already, and there are some I need to read because they tie into the wonderful Dark Tower series. Carrie, to my knowledge, does not, but it was a good read anyway. You felt sympathy for nearly all the characters, especially Carrie. The writing is good, especially for a fourth (first published) novel. King was ashamed of this book and threw its first scene away, but his wife, Tabitha, wisely dug it out of the garbage.

I can see how it was shocking and progressive for its time. Stephen King has a problem with religious radicals (as do we all). This book has been banned several times, which is a shame because its rawness and tragedy would speak to high school and middle school students. There is talk of sex and lots of rated-R language, but kids hear those things every day in real school. I think it could combat the bullying "epidemic" by making people feel compassion for a mostly unlovable girl. King's ability to write inside the head of a suffering teenage girl is impressive. It's extremely believable. Carrie was based on a combination of two of King's classmates and Cinderella. Cinderella gone wrong. One of King's Carrie-based classmates killed herself as an adult. He was also likely influenced by his time as an English teacher.

This book made me excited for the movie remake. I can see how it can be truly terrifying. Its star compared it to Black Swan and said that sometimes in the movie, we won't know what's real and what's not real. While the old movie is a classic, in this day-and-age, the story can be told better. I'm not sure about Chloe as Carrie because she's very thin. Carrie is supposed to be a pretty girl whose looks are ruined by zits, glasses, and a few extra pounds, as well as a downcast demeanor caused by years of abuse. Why are the movies and TV shows so afraid of casting girls who aren't obese but are also not thing? 30 Rock joked once that there was no place on TV for someone of a normal weight. It's true. At least Chloe has the dirty-blonde hair color, and we love that she's a real teen.

Should you read this book? If you're in middle or high school, absolutely. If you enjoy horror, sure. This isn't my favorite book of his, and the plot isn't terribly strong. But it will get you in the heart, and you'll remember it. I'm going to grade these books in comparison with other Stephen King books, not books in general. King is very good with words, so most of his books are better than everything else in his genre (although he switches genres often). It's boring to give everything an A+. I tend to read a couple Stephen King books a year. I enjoy them and didn't want to use them all up. But it's time to get to them all. 

Book grade: B-

Next is Salem's Lot.

Book Reviews- The Diviners by Libba Bray

When we were younger, we read A Great and Terrible Beauty by this author, and we were underwhelmed. It was alright, but we didn't want to continue reading Bray's work. Everything in that book seemed to fizzle. But we gave this new series a chance, and man are we glad we did. Libba hasn't run out of ideas; she's gotten better ones. She's improved as a writer as well. This book reminded us of Stephen King for young adults. Some of the descriptions, the violence, the scary parts, and the characterization were reminiscent of King's best work. Coming from us, that's a huge compliment. We think he's a prolific writer. Bray's advantage is that her story is a little more interesting than evil clowns or dogs.

This book is long, but it left us wanting more. We read it in three days. We loved all the characters. We respected Bray's refusal to stray from hard topics, such as abortion, euthanasia, and fanaticism. One of the best things about this book was its main character, Evie O'Neill. Evie was not your typical YA heroine. We were getting sick of clumsy, insecure girls with hearts of gold and introverted tendencies. Evie is clever, funny, deceptive, stylish, brave, and troublesome.

She's good looking, and she knows it, thank God. She wants attention. She's BLONDE. She acts selfishly and impulsively. She's the sort of girl other girls are supposed to hate, but she's a breath of fresh air after all the Bella Swan lookalikes in teen fiction. The only annoying thing about her is she overuses certain hip-for-the-time phrases. We could sympathize with Evie's inability to follow the rules and be a "nice girl" who never ruffles feathers. She's not a YA cliche. She's Regina George if Regina had a cool power and wasn't mean to people.

The book is set in the 1920s, and the details of the time period are well-researched and convincing. The story involves supernatural elements and, of course, there are a few love stories, but they are believable and you can get into them. We definitely prefer Jericho to Sam. We like all the characters though. This book has plenty of reveals about each character because they all have secrets. The book didn't give us all the answers though, so we are already drooling for the sequel. There wasn't a wasted sentence in the whole thing. If Bray keeps this quality up, she'll have the next Big Thing in teen fiction, guaranteed.
Book grade: A

Back to blogging: Once Upon a Time, Dexter, Homeland, The Walking Dead, Revenge (x2)

By Keith McDuffee (Michael C. Hall) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Homeland- Q&A
When Breaking Bad ends, this is the show we will tell people is "the best show on TV." So, if you're not watching it, we don't know what you're waiting for. If you're on this blog, you obviously like TV. Get after it. For those of us lucky enough to turn in last night, we were treated to a well-acted, eventful hour. We weren't nuts over Carrie's overt confessions of love. For some reason, we like when that love is angsty, physical, and unspoken. It's kind of a soap-opera, contrived element to have Carrie be in love with this terrorist, her main suspect.

We also didn't like Finn running over the woman and leaving. If he had stopped, his daddy would have just paid the woman's medical bills. But hitting and then running is a big deal. Idiot. Most of the episode took place in the interrogation room. We were salivating during the whole thing. We couldn't believe the show was giving us these moments this soon in the series, let alone the season. Carrie did perfectly, and we were right to like the genius, cutie new guy, Peter Quinn. Can Carrie fall in love with him instead? He's way more deserving. We like that Carrie attempted to turn Brody instead of wear him down. This was another game changer.
Episode grade: A+

Revenge- "Intuition" and "Forgiveness"
In last week's episode, Aiden sneaks off to confront Kara, but she knocks him out and ties him up. It takes him most of the episode to free himself, but he's hot, so that's okay. He gets back to Amanda's just in time to hug her when she's crying, because she's upset. In other news, Nolan isn't gay. What. In this week's episode, Amanda pushes Aiden away, so he conspires with Daniel to oust Conrad and make Daniel the boss. Hopefully this leads to more adorable fighting, rife with sexual tension.
Episode grades: B+ and C+

Once Upon a Time- The Doctor
Whale is revealed! And no one would ever have guessed that it was Dr. Frankenstein, right? Did they just plan that for Halloween? That's not even a fairytale. We don't mind this show dipping from different pools though. It's can't just be all Disney. We already have Disney, and those stories are pretty great. We've got a "man of science, man of magic" dynamic going here? That was more interesting on LOST. It was awesome how Daniel ripped Whale's arm off. Take that, family friendly limitations! It's time for this show to get a little oogier.

This episode wasn't the norm for this show, and we're not sure how we feel about that. We're really liking Hook. He could get to be an interesting grey-area character. He's capable of love, but also evil. Those are the best guys in entertainment. Make him Byronic, show. We don't like that Regina is trying to not use magic at all. Magic is just a tool; it's not evil in itself, even in the universe of this show. What matters is what you do with it.
Episode grade: B

Dexter- Swim Deep
Well, we have another good one. Hannah enjoys murder. Maybe she's the right match for Dexter after all? Unfortunately, she doesn't kill for righteousness, and it looks like she's going to be Dexter's next target. Naw, he'll probably start out hunting her and end up banging her. We could use a season of Dexter trying to reform a fellow serial killer. That's something we haven't yet seen. We like Quinn, but it may be time for him to die. He's sticking his neck into danger and taking money again. This show has too many side cops. We can't believe Dexter landed Isaak behind bars. We love when our main characters act cleverly. Isn't it annoying when characters get themselves into trouble by thinking beneath their expected intelligence level?

Poor LaGuerta should have kept hating and distrusting Deb. Good news for us though...actually, we think it would be cool if the show ended with Dexter getting caught. It was a great moment when Deb emphatically declared Doakes to be a good man. She really knows. The cursing in the elevator was hilarious and so Deb. Her behavior this season has gotten her back in our good books. We're so happy about this season. We can now forget last year ever happened. Nothing important really happened either. If anyone watches it, they can just skip last year.
Episode grade: A

The Walking Dead- The Call from the Governor
Speaking of show comebacks, after two years of stereotypical characters, annoying kids, boring talky episodes, and no direction, this show has become what we want. It's taking steps toward being a genuinely great show. This stuff with the Governor could not be better. He's creepy, evil, power-hungry, possibly complicated and loving (his picture of his family) and he KEEPS FREAKING ZOMBIE HEADS IN AQUARIUMS IN A ROOM. Splitting into two groups is good for the show because when things get too bleak over in the main group, we can go into this totally different, equally interesting storyline with Andrea and Michonne.

We're glad we got an explanation as to why Michonne toted the zombies around. Michonne is still shrouded in mystery, which is good. We hope the backstory is worth the wait. We love her already, even though we know almost nothing about her except that she's bad ass. Soooo Merle's back. He's probably still racist, but he didn't act racist toward his fellow black soldiers and Michonne. He's being charming (for Merle), but we bet he's in for a bloody death this season. This season hasn't had a stinker of an episode yet. We're starting to trust it. We're glad we started watching it again.
Episode grade: A

Late-in-the-week dramas- Grey's, Scandal, Supernatural, TVD, and Arrow. None were Halloween themed. :-(

By lukeford.net [CC-BY-SA-2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.5)], via Wikimedia Commons

Grey's Anatomy- I Saw Her Standing There
Cristina sleeping with her boss made us so sad. Even though there's been an abortion, cheating, choking, and moving far away, we hadn't really accepted that she and Owen were over. We don't like when marriages break up, even if they are fictional. (You should have seen Ern's tumblr after Amy Poehler and Will Arnett broke up.) We still think C/O will get back together after a while. Cristina sticking up for Dr. Feeny and helping him was one of the best things about this episode. We love when she shows her heart and loyalty to her friends. Age discrimination sucks. We understand that continuing education in medicine is important, but he hadn't made a mistake yet. We love them as best friends.

When she leaves the hospital to go back to Seattle Grace (something that MUST happen), can she take Feeny with her? Cristina's time at the Mayo Clinic has been way more entertaining and relevant than we could ever have imagined, but it needs to end eventually. After everything this show has done with penises, we didn't even blink at the nut elephantiasis. Arizona's prosthetics fitter is just the thing she needed. Tough love from someone who is not her wife or Alex is going to be good for her. We hope to see more of him. It's time for her to crawl out of that anger hole she's sitting in. Avery and April are still happening. Owen is in a dark place again. We know this because a) he moved into Derek's trailer and b) he's Owen.
Episode grade: A-

Scandal- Beltway Unbuckled
Ugh. We hated Fitz giving up on Olivia. We, like her, thought it would be a good thing. We've been rooting for him to give Mellie another chance, even though she's horrible. Now, we realized we were wrong. We chuckled when Mellie told the president that he was still having wet dreams about Olivia Pope. Yeah...we'd kick him out of bed too. The Jenny case reminded us of something we've been seeing on tumblr: lack of sympathy over a death when the girl was a slut. Fortunately, people still wanted justice, even though Jenny enjoyed sex with powerful men. Does that mean the only thing people hate more than sluts are foreigner's. Possible.

The storyline where Abby is turning on Olivia, falling in love with David, and helping him with his Beautiful Mind wall is fantastic. It could go anywhere, and it could get rid of a normally useless, judgmental character we hate (Abby). It looks like the baddies are going to be Big Oil. Snooze. How typical. We bet all these writers use oil in their daily lives. Oil companies aren't heroes or anything, but demonizing them is hypocritical. We all profit from that. Huck is five seconds from becoming a full-on Dexter Morgan. He's gonna need to give that six-month chip back. Can this end well?
Episode grade: B-

The Vampire Diaries- The Rager
We love hateful, rage-filled Elena. When she vamped out at Rebekah in the bathroom in the beginning, we were so pleased. Nina has a good monster face. It's still cute, but it gets the job done. We still think Caroline should train Elena, but Damon is the next best choice. Stefan doesn't know what he's doing. He's the worst at handling being a vampire. We'd rather be Damon than a ripper, just sayin'. Stefan can't even lighten up without risking major backsliding. So Tyler cheated on Caroline, huh? Not a surprise. Klaroline shippers, rejoice!

One of us has never liked Tyler. Never ever. Klaus is a much better option. He can take the Caroline character arc to more interesting places. We don't blame Tyler. It would be hard for a guy to pass up Phoebe Tonkin. We hated the fake out where Rebekah pulled Matt's heart out. Why would they make us watch that? Not cool, show. We love hottie Matt. The ships are everywhere this week. Matt and Elena met at their old makeout spot, there was tenderness between Caroline and Stefan, Klaus fed Elena, and Meredith has to end up with someone now that Alaric is dead, right?
Episode grade: B+

Arrow- Lone Gunmen
This show needs to do something more serialized, quick. We aren't digging the superhero revenge procedural. We keep wishing this show were about Oliver's more interesting best friend. We're glad Tommy and Laurel made it official. We meet and then say goodbye to a frenemy, Deadshot, who is also killing evil, rich people, but Oliver doesn't want help. The police bumble around again, finding and doing nothing. Some parents really don't know that kids crave discipline and structure. They may be yelling at you and whining, but deep down inside, they feel safe and loved when you enforce rules. Maybe Thea can stop being an a**hole now. We're not holding our breath. HOW DOES OLIVER SPEAK RUSSIAN?!! The best thing about this episode was Dig finding out Oliver's secret. We were mostly bored during this hour though. We only want to see island stuff if it's going to be more interesting than this week's.
Episode grade: C+

Supernatural- Bitten
The found-footage episode they've been teasing was pretty fun. We liked seeing Sam and Dean as side characters, cropping up randomly and being themselves. We loved the kids spying on the brothers and commenting ("awesome"). They thought Sam and Dean were a couple too, tee hee. This episode reminded us of the excellent, smart, and entertaining movie, Chronicle, which you must see if you haven't. The movie was better than this episode, but this was one of the more entertaining Supernatural episodes in recent memory. We're glad Sam and Dean got to show a little mercy, for once. We call shenanigans on the fact that Brian was perfectly hot and could totally have gotten laid. One of our major pet peeves with TV is that nerds and losers are usually adorable and would be cool in real life. Give us real geeks! We're still liking this season a lot more than the last one.
Episode grade: B

Revenge back on this blog weekly

So, Ern has decided to watch Revenge with Leeard again. We saw the most recent episode, and Ern decided Aiden is really hot, and he has a great chemistry with Amanda that she didn't share with the other guys. Ern wants to see more of this. We'll review two episodes Monday to make up for this week.

Basically, we will watch shows we otherwise hate for hot guys.

This has been proven time and time again.

Here are Nashville and AHS. The other posts and tomorrow's posts might be late....it's Halloween weekend!!

American Horror Story- Tricks and Treats
Well, it's safe to say we can never watch Babe again and look at James Cromwell the same way. The guy is seriously cracked, and we're grateful the prostitute escaped. Adam Levine is gone, after all the buzz about having him on the show. That was quick. Clea DuVall was also murdered by Bloody Face, who clearly isn't Kit, since he was locked up. We are sad to see both of them go, but happy the show isn't opposed to taking important lives in the second episode. We are fans of fast pacing. We rolled our eyes at the episode's kinky ending though. Oh Ryan Murphy, you would.

That exorcism was one of the most unsettling we've ever seen, so bravo. Also, it was great to see that Sister Jude backstory. It definitely sheds light on the way she is and makes her more interesting. Now the demon is in sister Eunice. We finally met Zachary Quinto's human psychologist. We suspect he's in for a dark fate. He's right about most things, but not the exorcism. That possession was legit. We want more background on the nympho, Shelly. Chloe is doing a good job, but when she talks, she reminds us of Velma Kelly in the Chicago musical movie. Not as scary this week, but still entertaining.
Episode grade: B+

Nashville- Someday You'll Call My Name
We want to reiterate: You don't have to be interested in country music to enjoy this show. Singing in a studio can be hard if you're not used to it. Singing live, you focus on power and hitting the notes right the first time. In the studio, it's more about tone and emotion. You don't have to be loud at all. Habit tells you to hit big notes though. Scarlett's problems seemed to be more mental thought. Ugh, we know that Juliette was going through emotional turmoil, but we hate that she stole something from a store. That's the dumbest thing privileged girls do. Just when she gets sympathetic, the show makes her unintelligent again. We have to give this show props for its original music, which is a lot better than the original music on smash. Everything Scarlett and Gunnar sing is pure gold.

We're surprised that Juliette opened up so much to Deacon. While competing with Rayna and admiring his talent seemed to draw her in, we think she has real feelings for him now. She turned off the vixen charm and got vulnerable. We kind of wish he had said yes to her tour. We welcome the return of the drug-addled mom. It could bring some good drama, and Hayden can sure cry well. Even when she does her "ugly cry face," she doesn't look ugly. Lamar needs to learn to be nicer to people. There's nothing worse than a guy who is bitter toward women (the other way around sucks too). Rayna's little girls are such adorable little singers. We liked their harmony-laden version better than the original. Avery posing as a good boyfriend just to meet Mr. White is going to backfire.
Episode grade: B+

New Girl and Happy Endings bring laughs, Parenthood brings tears (as usual)

New Girl- Models
This episode took on a relatable subject: What happens when friends change and you feel like you don't have much in common anymore? Plotwise, nothing happened, moved forward, or cropped up. There was no new side to any character and no development. However, this episode was hilarious. We loved the jokes about butt drinking and bra stuffing, the Russian monkey cartoon, and Nadia saying "YOLO." Can that die please? Whoever said that's just "carpe diem" for idiots was so right. The Russians are racist toward Romanians! Ha. Jess's physical comedy when she was modeling didn't work for us; we hate when Jess is turned into a stupid incompetent who can't do anything but be cute and clumsy. Idiot Jess hasn't made an appearance in a while. Here's hoping the show learns to retire her and bring Smart, Dorky Jess back around forever. We love all forms of Nick. He was great in this episode.
Episode grade: B+

Parenthood- I'll Be Right Here
THIS IS A HOUSE OF LIES. They didn't tell Haddie about her mom's remaining cancer. Although we get them wanting her to stay in school, they could really use her help with the baby, and it's just a semester. Also, Haddie will find out and trust will be broken. Does this season just exist to make us cry? Amber and her new boy don't have a whole lot of chemistry, but the awkwardness of their first date and its aftermath was realistic and comforting. There's nothing like dating to send a lot of people to the chocolate cake and television (just ask this blogger, who finds the whole thing just painful). Amber was a lot better with that politician, but we're not averse to this new relationship. We like that Ryan was direct, and Amber took it well.

We are so glad that Max won his election. This show has improved since the first season on its treatment of Asperger's. When Max was first diagnosed, his parents mourned like he was dying and talked about how there was something wrong with him. While we know it can't be easy to have a child who doesn't seem to connect with you on the level that a "normal" child does, we sort of cringed at the idea that Max was defective. It takes all types to run a world. In Max's speech, he recognized the things about his personality that work for him. He doesn't like to lie and he's focused. There are aspects of that condition that can be advantages, just like there are things that make it hard in lots of situations. That's why you learn coping skills, not to think of your entire personality as some disorder. We'll get off the soapbox and back to Max now. He expressed happiness at being the way he is. It was perfect. Look out world, here come the vending machines.

We are glad Crosby didn't forget the dinner. We are just now starting to not hate him, and that would have put us over the edge. We feel like Julia and Joel constantly get the shaft on this show. We bet if you took the screen time of all four main siblings and added it up, Julia's screen time would be the least. We don't know how we're feeling about Sarah and Mark lately. Drew is a whiner, so who cares about him right now. We're questioning whether that couple is even good together anymore. What do they even talk about besides spur-of-the-moment plans to co-habitate and/or procreate? Give us more Hank.
Episode grade: A-

Happy Endings- Cazsh Dummy Spillionaires
Ah, Happy Endings. The best show about six friends since Friends. In the premiere, Alex and Dave decide to be exclusive and accept that they are a serious couple, Jane finds out that Brad is secretly working, and Max "misery's" Penny in order to get a date, but she busts him. But this show isn't about plot; it's about the zingers, wordplay, fast jokes, and quirky tone. The dialogue is fast, and the characters are likable. We're glad Penny is out of the half-body cast. That would have gotten old if it went on for more than one episode. Also, the puppet thing is better left to GOB on Arrested Development. Oh, Franklin... The episode was alright. It wasn't as funny as most of this show's efforts, but there was nothing too wrong with it. We thought it was dumb when Brad took his briefcase in the bath though (unless it's waterproof).
Episode grade: B-

No Mindy Project this week.

Pretty Little Liars- This is a Dark Ride

By JJ Duncan http://www.zimbio.com (Ashley Benson) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Even if we could forget that PLL was having its Halloween special this week, we'd be reminded when the blog's stats doubled. Y'all love you some PLL, and we don't blame you. We need to update that summary...We don't know about you guys, but we would totally go out with the guy who pretended to be dead-and-buried Alison. Since the agreement was to dress up as a character from a movie, it's perfectly reasonable for Hanna to think Aria was Daisy from the movie and not the book. Also, Aria doesn't think it's okay to play dress up for her man when it's not Halloween? Wow, you're a lucky man, Ezra. Costumes? Yeah, no, that's too far. What WILL she do then? Teen show, teen show, stop typing. Moving on... They should have known Noel wasn't really choking because he could make noises.

Ashley was lookin' fly in that wig. Maybe short hair is a good option for her? It makes her look younger. The ghosts stuff was annoying. Ghosts aren't in the PLL mythology. It's not that kind of show. Is that even going to lead anywhere or be important? The girl was from the twins story Alison told last Halloween. Aria, this is why you never take your eyes off your drink when you're out. There might be trouble for Ezra from this night, which could be good.

Yeah...because Adam Lambert would get to Rosewood. Whatever. It's even more unrealistic that he would talk to Aria during his break and not one of the 10,000 hot guys on this show. We found out that Byron was talking to Alison the night of her death, and Jenna thinks Garrett killed Alison, but he didn't.  Garrett dies- good riddance. He was no one's favorite character. They finally found Alison's body (probably).

Yeah, Pigskin! Fighting one of the A's off of Spencer was a bamf move. Was it Toby who tried to kill Spencer? That would be so sad. Toby, she was half a virgin when she met you! Caleb makes a much better Phantom of the Opera than Mona, who is a molester of other teen girls now, apparently. Most of the costumes were pretty great. We liked them better than last year's. Spencer's was the only one that disappointed. We wanted her to be nerdier and more creative than that. Who was buried alive at the end of the episode? It could be a flashback to the night of Alison's death and a hint that she's not really dead. We'll find out in January 2013.

This show is making us want to become an A team and terrorize people this Halloween. Could be a bad idea...we'll think on it. HEY GUYS WHAT IF ADAM LAMBERT IS A. Why does this show keep ignoring our PLL one true pairing, Spencer and Wren? Aria finally being attacked puts a wrench in our "Aria is A theory." They could explain it away though. We're going back to the twin thing as our #1 theory. Aria's hair is growing back from her cute haircut. Nooooo. Please let Ezra be bad please let Ezra be bad please let Ezra be bad....

Episode grade: A- for pure, campy Halloween fun

Season 2 of Don't Trust the B

Not as good as season 1