Glee's best moment in a long time

Glee- Dynamic Duets

By Eva Rinaldi (Cory Monteith) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

The tone of this episode started off like a comedy and a farce. Then it changed to dramatic, regular Glee. The tonal shift was jarring and didn't do the episode any favors, but we enjoyed it anyway. Ryder finding out he was dyslexic was great. One of us has a dyslexic Dad who was undiagnosed until adulthood, and everyone thought he was stupid too. But even more than that, we loved Sam's Bane from Dark Knight Rises impression. That made us laugh out loud. Sam is so crazy. His voice is still good. We can't believe this show ever dropped him. We're really starting to hate Tina.

We missed Lea Michele and her voice this week. Where is Quinn? WHERE IS QUINN? We love her so much, and we enjoy her voice more than most of the voices in this show's history. Most of the superhero identities and costumes were just dumb. We think these kids are a little old to be doing this, and if they had, they would have been embarrassed and made fun of the entire episode. Still, unique idea. We're glad the episode made Finn comfortable in his new role instructing the Glee club, because you know we couldn't take much more of pathetic Finn. If there was anything this show didn't need to drag out, it was this.

Puck's advice to his brother was outrageously stupid, but it worked, because so is Marley. You've gotta make them work for it, girl. All of the Warbler stuff was hilarious. We don't appreciate when Blaine sings as much anymore, because he doesn't have much oomph behind his voice, and they overautotune it, but having him sing a lot fit with the focus of the episode. Some Nights is a really cool song, and the Glee cover didn't top the original, but it was better than it had any right to be. Dark Side was only good because of the background a Capella work. We loved Holding Out for a Hero and Heroes. Superman was okay.
Episode grade: B

Last Night and Tuesday Night

Most of our Wednesday night shows were off the air due to the holiday today, so we packed two nights into one post.

Parenthood- One More Weekend With You
This was one of the most intense episodes of this show we've ever seen. Can't this show give our tear ducts a rest? Some people thought it was too over-the-top, but we loved it and think the show has earned it. First, Amber and Ryan's outing ended a lot better than we would have guessed. We're glad Ryan's buddies didn't call the police. We're glad he didn't freak out and treat Amber badly. Is it only a matter of time? Will he do it in his sleep like on Grey's? Or will he just get surly toward her (which is bad enough)? We're worried.

We're not as fed up with Max as we are with his Dad right now. It's time for Max to get a new social skills trainer. Not Minka Kelly, but someone else. Asperger's doesn't mean you have no feelings like compassion (in fact, many feelings and sensitivities are actually enhanced), it just means you have trouble expressing it and need someone to show you how. You at least need an example. It's not that you don't want to be considerate, it's that a) you don't always know when you need to be, and b) you don't know what to do in that situation. It's like a skill you need to learn, like math. But you can learn. If you get treatment that makes you feel bad about yourself or suggests you're cold/immoral, it can be awful, but if it's from someone who doesn't judge, it can be good.

Someone needs to say, "Now, when your mom is sick, you need to say, 'Let me know if you need anything. I hope you feel better. I love you.' And then do what she and your dad say, because she's in pain." You can't expect Max to figure it out and then watch your whole house fall apart when he's a "brat." As weird as it is that you have to teach things that come naturally to most, it's a fact. It's the way their brains are wired. They are naturally good at some things and have to learn others. We've never given credit to the young actor playing Max, but he's always been so excellent that we've actually suspected him of being on the autism spectrum, even though we could find no evidence in real life that he is.

We liked Sydney in this episode. Her meltdown was well-earned. She's not being a brat for no reason, like usual. We loved Kristina smoking the pot. These are the people who need pot. It was soooo depressing to see her on the bathroom floor like that, but it was realistic. Mark and Drew....ugh. Mark should never have made that promise. It's time for Ray Romano to come in and not make promises like that in an attempt to be liked and sweep Sarah off her feet. At least he was in this episode. We need a decision on this triangle already. It's not like it's The Vampire Diaries.
Episode grade: A

Happy Endings- More Like Stanksgiving
Is this not one of the funniest Thanksgiving episodes you've ever seen of any show, ever? Sure, the Native American Dave stuff needs to die, but even some moments in that plot drew laughs (like when he dropped all the clams at the police station; it's the throwaway jokes on this show that get us). Dave, you know both of us would have come with you to that writers' fest. Stephen King was there! Stephen effing King! (Speaking of famous authors, one of us had a crazy run-in with Ann Coulter the other day, and if you know who that is and want to know about it, just ask, haha.) The best thing about this episode was The Real World: Sacramento.

We found out that Jane tried to sleep with someone else, and Brad was just an accident. Sure, they stole that from Friends (Monica was really trying to have a one-night-stand with Joey on the night of Ross's wedding), but it was still funny. Everyone's hair! Max trying to come out on TV! HA. I'm Greg. Brad's weiner greeting. There were tons of good lines. There was even some forward-moving drama with Dave having clear doubts about moving in with Alex, and Penny still crushing on him. We're so impressed with this show lately. Everyone expected it to be cancelled, and we definitely didn't think it was going to turn out to be this good.
Episode grade: A

New Girl- Parents
We can't believe Happy Endings did a better Thanksgiving episode than this show. Jess trying to Parent Trap her folks was great (even though it was weird when she was watching them make out with that look on her face), but we're kind of annoyed that it worked. That doesn't work. Do the writers actually have divorced parents? Because then they would be familiar with the soul-breaking tension that goes on when parents who don't like each other are forced to share a room. It's awful for everyone. And it's immature. We don't think it's funny when comedies bring in main characters' parents most of the time. We always cringed when they did it on Friends, although Ross's dad was at least tolerable for laughs. The parents were well-cast on New Girl, but we still thought having family from the past dragged down the show. Winston is so underused on this show that he's now relegated to getting kissed for a homophobic joke. Hehe. We liked the One True Schmidt stuff, overall though.
Episode grade: B

The Mindy Project- Thanksgiving
We can't tell if this show is legitimately funny now, or if it's just so much better than it used to be. The openings on this show have been stellar for a while, and this week was no exception. Mindy trying to define the relationship while her kitchen was on fire was nothing short of genius. We were also impressed with everything this episode did with Danny. It was so sad and so funny. We felt so bad for Betsy when her parents handed her than strawberry milkshake instead of a beer. We have family like that. It's so uncomfortable when people refuse to let you grow up. We couldn't even laugh at that. We also felt bad for Mindy when Dennis showed up to the party with a skinny, sane version of Mindy, and her best friend set them up. We're glad to see the best friend get more screentime though.
Episode grade: B+

American Horror Story- The Origins of Monstrosity
Okay, does anyone else feel like this season is almost over? So much has happened. But, psych, this was only episode six of 13. What?!! We can't even fathom this. What are they going to do in seven more episodes? Are the aliens going to come down and live among us? Will Lana be Thredson's mommy for a long time? Is she going to end up going crazy and becoming the next bloody face? Will they have a bloody face baby that Thredson refers to as Brother-Son? Gross. We felt kind of bad for him. Kind of. Harry Potter didn't turn out crazy, Thredson. God, what's your excuse? Haha.

Teresa (Adam Levine's wife) is in deep water, but we don't even feel worried for her. The trouble with having a show this dark (and ending last season like it did) is that we have no hope for the characters, good to triumph over evil, or things not to just be majorly f*cked up. If there's no hope, you can't have intensity. Just resignation. That's how we feel. This show has worn us out. We're tired. What can AHS show us that it hasn't before? Do we really want to know the answer to that question? Should we even be watching a show with these disgusting images? Well, we're doing it anyway, but at least we questioned, right?

 Jenny is The Bad Seed, and yeah, that makes sense. The only thing this series is missing is an evil, murdering child, so now we've got one. Shelley is finally put out of her misery, although we wonder how many Hail Marys that Howard will have to say for that one. Arden is trying to make people into little more than cockroaches so that they can survive nuclear warfare. ISN'T THAT WORSE THAN DEATH? He wants to save the human race, but that, bro, is not the human race. We wonder what Arden has on Howard.
Episode grade: B

Thanksgiving Movie Post

Lots of people forego whatever Big Game is on after Americans eat today and catch a movie instead. Usually about two or three much-anticipated new movies are released this weekend just for that reason. Or you might take your family to see something later on in the weekend. If so, heed this guide and don't see a dud. You can decide whether you can take grandma and the kids to a Rated R/PG-13 (but you should totally do your own research there. The ratings system sucks, and if you don't believe us, watch This Film is Not Yet Rated). We're just here to tell you if there's a chance it will be good. And save you from seeing Red Dawn, Taken 2, or Cloud Atlas. If you've already set your minds on Twilight, there's nothing we can do for you.

• Life of Pi
• Rise of the Guardians (kids)
• Wreck-It Ralph (kids)
• Silver Linings Playbook
• Lincoln
• Anna Karenina
• Rust and Bone
• Skyfall
• Flight
• Seven Psychopaths
• The Sessions
• Argo

Happy Thanksgiving!

Revolution- Kashmir

-___-

Of all the stupid adventure-of-the-week stuff this show has put us through, this episode was one of the worst. TWO Charlie death "scares" when we knew she was never going to die. Heck, it might be good if she did. If her brother were turned into the main character and a better actress were added as a female love interest. We hardly ever want a female lead replaced with a male one, but this girl deserves to be replaced. You know what's even worse than death scares? A whole episode of hallucinations. It could have been good if it had been more touching or made us care about the characters more.

So, as for what happened, the main gang passed through some subway tunnels and met some rebels. Charlie stepped on a land mine which caved an entrance in, cutting off their oxygen supply. Everyone starts to hallucinate, and one of the rebel guys turns out to be militia. He shoots a new character we kind of liked and another of his bullets grazes Charlie's head right after she shoots him with an arrow and kills him. Hey! Not useless.

At Monroe's camp, Rachel is building an amplifier for the necklace. Psych. It's actually a bomb because Rachel is the freaking best. Dr. Jaffe, the only other person who can build an amplifier, rats her out, so Monroe is about to kill Rachel and Danny. Rachel stabs Dr. Jaffe with a screwdriver and Monroe needs her again. That last scene was the best thing about the episode. Can this show be about Rachel, please? If the gang doesn't get to the camp by the midseason finale, we swear we are done with this show.
Episode grade: C-

Boss and Veep- Lessons in how good lead actors can save shows

Boss- season one

We know many of you have been waiting for us to finish the first season of this show. We finally did. While we didn't love it, we were impressed with Kelsey's performance, and it is absolutely the best original show we've ever seen on Starz. We didn't think that channel was capable of making anything of this caliber, especially after Camelot (ugh, we've hardly ever hated a show as much as that one). It's a smart show about corruption and a powerful man losing control. So why didn't we love it? We just ended up not caring about the characters. We were impressed with the script and acting, but the show never pulled us in to the point where we had to know what happened next. Also, we didn't care about some of the subplots. It's a cold, cynical show, and whether you like that is a personal taste thing. 

We always mention Breaking Bad when we talk about joy in gritty shows. Breaking Bad handles very dark material, but you always feel good after watching it. There's a dark, maniacal humor running underneath it. Boss is the opposite of that. Dark material, flatly dark tone. We recognize that this show is quality, but it's not something we would recommend to anyone we actually know. If you like it, we certainly won't make fun of you (because it's a good show), but we're going to know that it's 90% personal taste. It gets boring in places, and it's often work to watch it. We thought the pilot was one of the slowest pilots we'd ever seen. We don't like the way the show handles sex at all, ever. Everything to do with sex on this show is dumb. If you love this show though, we get it. 

Season grade: B
Update: Boss was cancelled by Starz this week. Regrettable, but we understand how it might have been too gloomy for most people

Veep- season one

Was this supposed to be funny? We can't believe it was so recognized at the Emmys. Like Boss, this show has a dark outlook on politics, but rather than taking notes from Boss and using that outlook to be intriguing and smart, this comedy just ends up feeling mean, petty, and elitist. We love Julia and think she's gorgeous and talented, but she's better than this show. She completely saves it in every way. Everything that's good about it comes from the performances, not the writing. The show is not mean in a risk-taking way like It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia either. Its material is very safe. The jokes are unoriginal and sometimes pointlessly raunchy. The plots are dull. You don't root for anyone. Wow, we hated this show. 

Season grade: D+

Ern reads every Stephen King book. Post 2: 'Salem's Lot

This was my first time reading 'Salem's Lot, and I haven't seen the movie (although Leeard has and gave it a "meh"). I heard that Stephen King has stated that this is his favorite book of his. I don't know why. It's one of the most ordinary books by him that I have ever read. It has a generic love story that never actually pulls at the heartstrings, a writer hero who seems like a regular Joe, and classic vampires. I didn't like that, at the beginning, the end result of the novel is just given away. The rest is just details. It was neat to see Father Callahan of The Dark Tower series. I can see why King wanted to write a sequel to 'Salem's Lot, but was then satisfied with just following up on Callahan in his magnum opus. If I had read SL before DT, I would have been curious to know the priest's fate. He was by far my favorite character.

I didn't like when King would get all poetic with his descriptions of the time of day, weather, or landscape. It sounded like he was trying too hard, and some of it sounded like nonsense. The dark sense of humor he normally displays when he's talking about characters was at a minimum. One of my favorite things about King is how he takes us in depth into the backgrounds of even minor characters, and how their life stories are almost as interesting as the present action. He did this a little here, but not enough. This novel was better than Twilight at least. The vampires sure didn't glitter, which I appreciate. It was an adult book. It's one of the better vampire stories I've read, actually. It didn't scare me at all, but it might have if I had read it when I was younger.
Book Grade (compared to other King books): C+

Dexter, The Walking Dead, Homeland, and The Good Wife

Since there was no Once Upon a Time or Revenge this week, we decided to do all the Sunday shows today, instead of leaving Homeland and The Good Wife for tomorrow.

Dexter- Argentina 
UGHHHHH. Show, you could have just dropped the Deb/Dexter love, but you had to address it. At this point, there is no way that Dexter is just going to ignore it forever. There will come an episode, just you wait, where he returns her love, and then we will burst into red-hot flames, there will be no blog, and you guys will throw your TVs out the window in a depression. This was the best possible time for Deb to confess her love, if that was going to happen. It wasn't a groan-inducing, sweet, or faux-romantic scene. It was an angry breakdown. Other than that cropping up again, this was a great episode. We loved seeing Astor and Cody again. LaGuerta closes in on the BBB (Dexter), and even sees that the name of Dexter's boat is "Slice of Life." What is she going to do now?!! Isaak confirmed that he was gay with Viktor- something everyone had already guessed, and the Koshka hates him now. That was a good scene.
Episode grade: B

Homeland- I'll Fly Away
We hate cliffhanger endings. Is Brody going to be re-turned into a terrorist? Because that would be good. We like when he's a terrorist. It's interesting. The Brody/Carrie stuff is getting a little stupid. We don't like when they have sex anymore. It was good in the first season, but now we're over it as a love story and as a spy tactic. It's just getting nasty and making us like Jessica more and more. The Dana drama has been dealt with. The daughter was paid off, Dana got to admit her act to that daughter, and Jessica knows everything. Jessica was really cool in this episode, mom-wise. She knows that Brody lied to her about working with Carrie. It's almost the end of the season. We love this show, but stop with Carrie being pathetically in love with Brody, please. It makes us hate her.
Episode grade: B-

The Walking Dead- Hounded
What? The phone was a phone to heaven. What? That's so unsatisfying. That suck so much! Also, this isn't Supernatural, it's The Walking Dead. Is phone calls from dead people even a part of the mythology? Was this in the comic books? Was Rick just having auditory hallucinations? This week is making us hate all of our Sunday shows a little. We hate when dumb stuff just pops up and mars a show with writers that usually have taste. Andrea and the Governor did what they've been about to do for weeks: Boned. Nasty. The worst things happen to Andrea. He's only awful if you know he's awful though. Otherwise, he's pretty cute and charming. We're glad Michonne is with the main crew. She can tell them what happened to Glen and Maggie. At least she brought the formula too.
Episode grade: B-

The Good Wife- Here Comes the Judge
We felt so bad for that judge. The guy playing him was really good. At first, we thought he was a liar, but he turned out to just be a sad, old drinker. Too bad the firm still isn't out of bankruptcy though. The judge dropping the "Actus Reas" hint got him the result he wanted, even if he was dragged through the mud. It's not time for Nathan Lane's trustee to leave anyway. He hasn't yet tried to exact vengeance for last week. We love Amanda Peet on this show and really root for her. We hope she stays or at least pops up once in a while. We need a new state attorney we know, like when Cary opposed the firm. It makes things more interesting when you know both parties. Poor Cary. Maybe Kalinda will comfort him? We like them together. Someone needs to take down Nick. Hopefully it's Alicia. We love Grace's new guy. It's about time she got a good story arc.
Episode grade: B+

This is reeeeeal late, but here it is: Glee, Parks, Grey's, Scandal, TVD

Parks and Recreation- Leslie vs. April
We were disappointed in Leslie this week for opposing April, but it led to funny things, and it's understandable that Leslie is still attached to that empty lot. The opening Joe Biden scene was awkward to us instead of funny, but Joe did a good job and it was a cute cameo. We're liking all the famous politicians popping up this season. It's always tasteful to make a fun, brief appearance on a critically acclaimed show. Andy got a security job? That is so much better than having that guy be an actual cop. Hoo boy. There were some fun lines about accounting, and we feel bad for the firm that keeps trying to hire Ben. It's best to have him out of there though for the sake of the show. Orin stole the episode with his Human Farm. We love him so much. He's used just enough though. Too much Orin would be bad.
Episode grade: B

Glee- Glease
We both hate and love that episode title. It was inevitable that Glee would do an entire Grease-themed episode with all the numbers exact copies of the scenes from the movie, so if you didn't like it, just rejoice that it's over and we can all move on. We thought it was okay. We didn't want to buy any of the songs since we've had the movie soundtrack since we were kids. We're glad Santana replaced Unique as Rizzo, but that's just going to prompt more Unique storylines as she tries to climb her way back into accepted exposure. We were so happy to see Rachel and Kurt after missing them last week. The show keeps repeating itself. We saw Rachel trying to throw up in season one, and now Marley tries it this season. Marley is adorable, but she was a little pathetic and dumb this week. She just needed to get a scale to see if she was actually gaining weight. You can't gain two inches in less than a week. It was obviously the clothes/a prank. Kate Hudson's character is evil, but we liked that development.
Episode grade: B-

Grey's Anatomy- Second Opinion
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Not only are Arizona's attitude and mobility improving, but Cristina is back for good! It wasn't a visit. She gets to do whatever she wants in the OR, and she's a pretty good teacher too. Cristina finding out that Owen fought hard to get her back had to make him want to die. This guy has really suffered for that one night stand. We're pretty sure Cristina will make him suffer a little longer too. At least for the rest of the season. We're getting sick of the drama with April and Jackson. April, just accept that you're in a sexual relationship or actually get out of it. We like the idea of Kate and Alex together. The big twist at the end was that the crash victims would be suing Seattle Grace and the "people who put them on that plane" --Owen. How does that work? Was the hospital negligent in plane selection or something. We're going to need to hear some details on that case, because it doesn't sound like the hospital is the best party to go after at all.
Episode grade: B+

Scandal- Spies Like Us
The case of the week was so interesting that we're not even going to complain at length about Hot President still being at the summit. We finally got some background on Huck, former spy. His colleagues were perfectly cast and assembled. THAT'S how spies would look. They wouldn't look like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. They would blend in. We felt bad for David Rosen, but we'll never feel bad for Abby. Olivia ended the episode closer to her ex than ever before. The president is going to get all broody over that, and we can't wait to see it. There's no sophomore slump for this show. 
Episode grade: A-

The Vampire Diaries- We All Go A Little Mad Sometimes
It's time for the show to move on from "Elena feels guilty" as the central conflict. We can't stay in that place for one more episode. We liked the hallucinations so that she actually had a reason to act all crazy and sad, but after this episode, a new problem needs to become more immediate. We're mad that Katherine wasn't real. The bulk of this episode was boring and filler. Klaus skulked around, killed a wolf, threatened Caroline (how dare he?!!), and tried to keep Elena safe. The best part was the end where Jeremy was awakened to his new purpose. That could lead to something a lot better than us watching Compassionate Elena cry over not being perfect. Boo frickety hoo. Let's get on with it. We want Man vs. Man, not Man vs. Himself.
Episode grade: B-

666 Park Avenue and Last Resort cancelled

We're not surprised about 666 and we think it deserved cancellation, but we're bummed about Last Resort. It was our favorite new show of the season and it should have had more viewers. One commenter blamed the time slot and we agree.

Modern Family makes a familiar joke, we can't look away from AHS, Arrow makes us snore. Supernatural brings back our sweet hottie, and Nashville picks up the pace

By Rubenstein  Uploaded by MyCanon (Ty Burrell) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Modern Family- Mystery Date
Phil's plot should have been gold, but we've already seen the same mix up situation on Frasier, and it was funnier on that show. The whole straight man on a date with a gay guy plotline is best left in the past. We think TV should move on from that joke. Gloria and Jay's new mural was a wonder to behold. It was so ugly! And hilarious. We enjoyed Jay and Mitchell's interactions. Alex and Claire had the least funny plot, but it had substance. Manny and Luke crashing Bar Mitzvahs could have been mined for more jokes. That felt like a wasted opportunity. Gloria and Cam probably shouldn't be paired. They are both cartoonish, and sometimes you need a straight man when you have two big, loud personalities. This episode was pleasant, but forgettable.
Episode grade: B-

Arrow- Legacy
After a good episode last week, this week's was a little boring and run-of-the-mill for this show. Oliver fought bank robbers, blah blah blah. Too bad Carter and Tommy look so much alike. We can't keep them straight. We have to say, Thea is prettier than Laurel. Tommy should give that a second thought. We don't like that Thea might be jealous of Laurel in subsequent episodes. Catty girl-fighting characters give us all a bad rep. We thought Tommy and Laurel had agreed to date. When did she go off him? We missed Laurel's cop dad.
Episode grade: C+

Supernatural- A Little Slice of Kevin
Clever title there, no? This was one of the most enjoyable episodes of this current season. We were surprised, since it was a Kevin episode. This just goes to show that Supernatural is always better when Dean and Castiel are together again. We liked the sinister heavenly office woman, Naomi,s and the possible wrenches it could throw in the brothers' paths. We've always thought that a really big Big Bad needs to come onto this show in order to top the Devil. If it's God, part of us will be thrilled and interested (the other half will still be Christian and Catholic, respectively, and will make us feel like the show is attacking a loved one). It kind of needs to be God though. Seriously, how else are you going to top the apocalypse and Satan? We love Mrs. Tran. She's one of the best female characters on this show in a long time. Kevin's a little whiner though.
Episode grade: B+

Nashville- You're Gonna Change (Or I'm Gonna Leave)
Thank goodness Juliette has a new love interest who is age-appropriate, sweet, and not Deacon. He's a football player, he's not great, he's a quarterback, he's a goodie two-shoes, and he doesn't drink. Basically, she's dating Tim Tebow. We doubt Tebow can sing though (in fact, one of his teammates said Tebow has a bad singing voice, haha). It's nice to see Juliette be nice, not be dealing with her Crack Mom, not be all weepy and vulnerable, not be throwing her body at older men, and not be stealing. We like what's going on with Rayna, her new album, and her new producer. The election stuff is even starting to get interesting. We so hope that Teddy loses. Scarlett finally dumped Avery. Marilyn is gross. Overall, this episode moved a lot of things forward and didn't struggle creatively as much as previous weeks.
Episode grade: B+

American Horror Story- I Am Anne Frank part 2
Leeard and Ern were discussing how much better Ryan Murphy's shows have been lately. We like this season a lot better than last year. It's scarier, more creative, more fun, more disgusting, and less predictable. We really thought that was Anne Frank last week. We're glad it's not though. "Anne" should buck up. Her husband is hot. We knew she had come across Arden in her research even before the final shot. What we didn't predict was Thredson being Bloody Face, having Wendy in a cooler, and taking Lana to his nasty underground kill room. Nasty.

We have to know what that schoolteacher did about the Shelley situation. We love Demon Eunice for dropping her off at an elementary school. We hope that's not the last we see of Shelley. Or Tio Salamanca. YES, the Nazi hunter was our favorite bell ringer from Breaking Bad. He just needs to give the Nazis one of his hateful looks, and they'll surrender. Sister Jude is back to her old ways?! Intriguing and surprising. It seems that she's more into that asylum than Catholicism. Poor Kit. And Alma's alive? Maybe that will spell a happy ending for Kit.
Episode grade: A-

Julia makes a good choice on Parenthood, New Girl brings at least two big laughs, Happy Endings turns in a typical episode, and The Mindy Project improves a little

By David Shankbone (Own work) [CC-BY-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

New Girl- Menzies
The two big laughs we mentioned were Nick in the Asian guy's serenity pool (the first time, when the Asian guy was holding him), and Jess having a meltdown over the dog in the cup. We didn't appreciate a few of the PMS jokes. It's not THAT overpowering for most women, some women just get irritated quicker, and it's not that irrational. Most of the time, women get upset over actual things, but any other time of the month, they would just ignore it and be able to let it go easier. Sometimes the PMS is the straw that breaks the camel's back and something has been building for a while. It's not like people should just go, "Oh, it doesn't matter/I don't have to watch that, because it's just PMS." The problems aren't imaginary; the reaction is just exaggerated.

Aaaaanyway...teaching creative writing is a lot different from teaching elementary school. You usually have to be able to write. Has Jess ever written a book? Had a short story published? Does Jess even like to read? We think she's woefully unqualified, but this is TV. Schmidt's new sex buddy should provide some awkward laughs. Moises Perdue? Who even thinks of a name like that? Cece is NOT a nice girl. Poor Robbie! Cece kissed Schmidt, and we're glad she backed away. Maybe she's nice than she thinks she is. There were a few good lines in this one.
Episode grade: B

The Mindy Project- Danny Castellano is My Gynecologist 
The best part of this episode was the opening where Josh was wearing Mindy's pants. "Leave your tie; I'm going to use that to hang myself." Ha! She flipped the whole "wearing your boyfriend's clothes" thing on its head by swapping it and having it be self-deprecating humor rather than sexist "oh, it's so funny that a guy would demean himself by wearing something feminine" funny. Man, we're feminists today. The second-funniest part was Mindy proving to Danny that she's not just a lamp. Gwen is still underused, but this episode was a step up from the previous weeks.
Episode grade: B

Happy Endings- Boys II Menorah
We love Max's weird jobs. It would be cool if we saw a new weird job every couple of weeks. Our favorite part was when Jane got tased the first time and said, "That only makes me stronger." We're starting to think there will never be a year of Penny. The show never gives her a break. She's always a loser and a butt of a joke. We'd like to see something nice happen to her, but other than that, this show is pretty good as it is.
Episode grade: B

Parenthood- Together
Ryan and Amber hit the hay. Did you guys see his body? Mazel tov, Amber. However, we don't see this going smoothly. There was foreshadowing all over the place letting us know that Ryan's problems are going to start showing themselves even more. We feel for the guy and all others in his situation. We loved Sarah's reaction after Amber cancelled breakfast. Beyond cool indeed. We like Amber and Ryan together, so we hope they make it. Kristina's storyline brought the misty eyes, especially in her last scene with Camille. So sweet. Is Monica Potter going to shave her head? We're going to hell for saying this, but we don't think she'll look good bald. You pretty much have to be Natalie Portman to pull that off though.

Julia starting Spanish Rosetta Stone made us cringe with sympathy. One of us is on level four of that very program (and that language). It's an easy and helpful program, but it's time consuming and it takes a while to get through it. We love the way Julia handled her new son this week. We agree that inviting Miguel over was a good choice. He needed a friend, and we're sure he'll still be able to adjust to his new home if he stays in touch with his old buddy. Having a friend might give his social skills a work out too so that he could make new friends. We liked that the episode was light on Crosby. He was only in the episode long enough to be an excellent brother. That guy really grew up.
Episode grade: B+

Revolution, Homeland, and The Good Wife

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Revolution- Ties that Bind
We didn't suspect Mia, so that was a surprise. Someone would have gotten shot in this episode, especially when they were running from the machine guns on the bridge. We like Strausser, the new sociopathic villain. The Captain Neville plot was interesting. The forward movement this week (yes, there is a little every week) is Monroe getting the necklace. Also, Grace is in some compound with power. Revolution is entertaining enough, but it won't be LOST's heir. This show has none of LOST's eeriness, heart, and creativity. It's on our least-crowded night, so it should get a season pass just for lack of company. If it were on Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday nights, it would get dropped.
Episode grade: C+

Homeland- The Clearing
Quinn is fine and alive! Yay. Just when this was the best show on right now, Homeland added a snarky hot guy we love. The Dana hit-and-run finally turned into something. We feel really bad for her. She wanted Finn to turn around. She did a brave thing this week, but Carrie and national security stood in the way of her peace of mind. We're feeling bad for Brody too. Aileen is back. We kind of forgot her, but her parts of the episode turned out to be some of the best. We felt bad for her.
Episode grade: B+

The Good Wife- Anatomy of a Joke
This is the most appealing we've seen Christina Ricci in a long, long time. Maybe it was the hair and makeup. They were really working for her. Maybe it was the way her part was written. You may have gotten frustrated at her self-destructive behavior, but clients often do and say stupid things that make their lawyers roll their eyes and groan. It's realistic! She wasn't funny though. Cary's father is such a jerk. He only calls his son to mend the relationship when he wants something? Cary handled it fine. But poor thing. At least he got kissed by a celebrity this week. Oh, and we've heard that rape/clown joke before. Was it George Carlin? We're not positive. We loved Amanda Peet getting the job with Peter. Does that mean we'll see her more? Will he sleep with her since she's pretty? The Hayden Clarke stuff is heating up. How will this affect Cary? Maddie is making feminists everywhere look bad. We hope Alicia dumps her as a friend, pronto. The birthmark shape could have been funnier.
Episode grade: A-

Movie Madness Monday (not that this is going to be a weekly thing)

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Skyfall (the new James Bond 007 movie)
We haven't been to the theater in a while, but the ads for this one (calling it one of the best Bond films ever) drew us out. We agree that it's one of the best Bond films, but we've never been huge fans of those. This was your basic action film, only it was pretty smart, well-acted, and part of a well-known franchise. The movie acknowledged Daniel Craig's rapid aging, so is it possible that this might be his last Bond movie? If so, he went out well. This movie was so much better than Quantum of Solace. It was about as good as Casino Royale. Our only complaint was that it was too long. It should have stopped at two hours. Javier Bardem's bond villain was great. He can bring the scariness. If you like nonstop action and James Bond, you'll like this movie. We're sure this isn't news, but we thought we'd throw in our agreement with everyone else anyway. The bond girls were almost insultingly thin though. Skin on bones. It sends the message that because Bond is the ultimate man who only enjoys the finest women, the finest women are all size 0.
Movie grade: A-

Machine Gun Preacher
We were forced to watch this, and we aren't happy. Why don't people just let us pick the movies when we watch instant netflix? We know what we are doing. We have an entertainment blog. Ughhh. This movie was about a drug addict who found God and started fighting for Sudanese orphans. There was much mention of Kony. For an inspiring story laden with plot points that should have been touching (orphans, heroism, fatherhood, redemption, faith, and a strong marriage), the movie was emotionally barren. Also, it couldn't decide between having its main character being a vengeful, manly bad ass with a machine gun and having him be a brave, loving Christian who believes everyone is a child of God.

Since the movie was based on the book written by Sam Childers, the main character, the movie made us wonder if Sam was torn between being seen as a strong hero and actually giving glory to the deity he claims to worship. It's difficult to get rid of a love of violence and a view of power as the ultimate good when trying to move into a peaceful religion (see: the crusades). Sam is struggling with that. The movie doesn't reflect reality either. It, and Sam Childers, are controversial because of lies and neglect. In view of the whole truth, this movie just ended up depressing us. It wasn't well made and the characters were flat. It got boring and trite quickly. We should have known not to watch a Gerard Butler movie (only 300 was tolerable).
Movie grade: D-

Margin Call
This star-filled movie about the stock market crash would have benefited from writer Aaron Sorkin. This could have been the financial "Social Network," but it ended up not being as clever. As a result, it wasn't that entertaining. It was nice to see Kevin Spacey, Paul Bettany Penn Badgley, Jeremy Irons, Zachary Quinto, Stanley Tucci and Demi Moore do something different. If this is what happened in 2008, we're ready to storm Wall Street too. However, we doubt it was that cut-and-dry and evil. Certainly greed was at work, but we think this movie gets its good reviews because of its message rather than its actual quality.
Movie grade: C+

Battle Royale
We finally watched the Japanese movie that so resembles The Hunger Games...in basic plot device only. This movie has more central teen characters, less emotion, less message, and more teen drama. It's also a lot funnier. That painting at the end had us reeling with laughter. Our favorite character was obviously Mitsuko. If you like violence and action, and you also don't mind a laugh with the two, or if you're a teenager, you'll like this movie. We'll stick with Katniss, but this was fun.
Movie grade: B

Once Upon a Time goes back to Red, The Walking Dead emphasizes that Rick is a Man's Man, Revenge gives us what we want, and Dexter makes LaGuerta more important

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Once Upon a Time- Child of the Moon
We love that Red didn't stay with the pack for very long. She learned what she needed to know, and then she picked "herself" and Snow. King George is pretty cold. Killing Billy the Mouse, framing Red, and burning the hat? He's about to top Rumpy and Regina, who are bad guys we actually like and feel for. King George is the most one-dimensional villain on this show. It's fine to have one though. Charming is a much better leader and man this season, because David is pretty dead. We have yet another realm: the realm between the living and the dead. Aurora and Henry can go there, and Henry can kick ass there. Why does Rumpy like Henry? Because he's a kid? Hopefully the diamonds and fairy dust lead to mroe characters being able to use magic. We love the loyal, friendly females on this show. Snow, Red, Belle, Emma, Aurora, Mulan...They keep popping up. Take THAT, "women are catty and two-faced stereotype."
Episode grade: B

The Walking Dead- Say the Word
After Rick cried last week, he has to make it up to he-man viewers by expressing his grief by chopping down some zombies. Sorry Rick, we'll never forget that you were the pretty boy from Love, Actually that made everyone with ovaries swoon with those signs. The manlier thing to do would have been to help everyone deal with the aftermath and the baby. Could we love Daryl more? No. He saved the baby, gave her the first bottle, and...named her? We hope Lil' Ass Kicker sticks. At first, we thought the zombie Rick had found was Lori and the bullet didn't do its job. But then he stabbed it in the stomach, which probably means it was a zombie that had eaten Lori's remains. Nasty. This show is having trouble topping the bloated zombie in the well (as far as grossing us out goes). We could not love Michonne more. EW the Governor's yucky daughter!! That was sick. This episode was anything but boring, just like the rest of this season.
Episode grade: B+

Revenge- Penance
Things are too convoluted on this show. Conrad should have been killed off a long time ago. Someone finds out which Amanda is the real one, and he isn't even shocked enough for it to feel satisfying. Mason thought Emily and Amanda were lovers? We wish he had just jumped to the right conclusion immediately. This show is stalling for time. Nolan proves his devotion to Amanda; Daniel proves he isn't useless. We are so bored with both Padma and Ashley at this point. Kara the mom amounted to nothing. Amanda is taking way too long to get revenge. But none of our complaints thus far matter, because Aiden is back in with Amanda. He was snogging her at the end, as he would probably say. Yay for hotness!
Episode grade: C+

Dexter- Chemistry
The big development for us was LaGuerta associating Dexter's name with the Bay Harbor Butcher. After Deb dropped the subject, LaGuerta is probably wondering why. What a twist! The other big development was Deb asking Dexter to kill someone. Unfortunately, it's Hannah, and we all know how that's going to go from the previews. Poor Deb. One of the fun things about Dexter is that he lives and works near us. One of us actually lives ten minutes away from where the criminals kept Nadia for a while. It's fun to hear references to the familiar, and the show is true to Miami. Poor Price. That death came out of nowhere. Deb has the worst luck with men. Dexter needs to be careful. If he sticks around Hannah for long enough, she will probably try to kill him too.
Episode grade: B+

Glee focuses on Finn too much, Parks and Recreation gets going, Grey's Anatomy does the unthinkable, Scandal gives us a whole hour without Hot President, and The Vampire Diaries mishandles Elena

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Glee- The Role You Were Born to Play
Good things about this episode: Blake's appearance as Rider, Kitty's singing voice, and Mercedes coming back. Bad things: They wasted Mercedes on a boring song, Kitty is still a copy of Quinn and Sue mixed, all the Finn stuff played out like a bad after-school special, Unique is Rizzo instead of Kitty, Marley is getting to be a bland character (at least Rachel had ambition), no Rachel, no Kurt, no New York, we're not sure "weird, nice guy" is the best choice for Blake's character (since we already have Sam and we were looking forward to seeing him be the mean boy), and Finn is sticking around to coach the Glee club. Can we nominate anyone else? Quinn would have been a great sub! She's actually deep and intelligent. We didn't want any of the songs, but we liked Blaine's Hopelessly Devoted to You, and we also enjoyed Everybody Talks as a male/female duet.
Episode grade: C+

Parks and Recreation- Ben's Parents
Breaking Bad's Jonathan Banks (Mike) did a great job as Ben's crotchety dad. Ulani was pretty hilarious too. Ben's storyline made Ern think of her own parents, who are similar and don't enjoy sharing room space. There aren't enough unity quilts in the world... That's why we loved when Ben said, "Well, if there's anyone who can bring my parents together it's...NO ONE. No one can ever bring them together." Everyone else's storylines were good too. There wasn't a single stinker. Tom ditching Jean Ralphio was long overdue.

We've been wanting Ann and Chris to get back together for a long time, but he has to go through some stuff, and Ann has to become more independent and self-possessed. These things are happening! Did you guys know the guy playing Chris is 48 though? Holy moly, he looks good. Rashida Jones is 36. So does it work with the formula? (A man can date a woman if her age is at least "half his age plus 8.") That means he can date a 32-year-old without shame, so Ann is in! Yay. Also, Twizzlers are much better than Red Vines. The season slump is over! Ben and April are home!
Episode grade: A-

Grey's Anatomy- Beautiful Doom
They. Killed. Feeny. WHAT?! We actually teared up. Thank God Cristina could get on a plane. Your only friend is dead, Cristina, come hoooome. Come home for good. Has she? Please? We loved Meredith saving Melissa's life. Meredith is one of the most genuinely likable and compassionate TV characters now. We can't believe we wanted her dead in season three's ferry crash. Since she's not all flaky and tortured anymore, she's mature and no longer annoying. We liked her in seasons one and two, but in season three, she and Derek broke up for no reason. Then it took all of season four for Meredith to get her stuff together. Our favorite line was, "Who's letting her have gummy worms?!!...Doesn't matter."
Episode grade: B+

Scandal- All Roads Lead to Fitz
We got more information on the conspiracy. It includes tons of people, including the first lady and Cyrus. There's something to do with election rigging abilities. It's all surprisingly interesting. So Fitz wasn't really elected? He lost by less than 5,000 votes, and this week's murderer should have been president instead? That's what it looks like, but on this show, things aren't always what they seem. Clearly, the right guy is in office, because the governor is so obsessed with power and success that he literally doesn't want to live without them.

Abby is majorly betraying Olivia. The case of the week was entertaining, but we don't think that would fall under attorney/client privilege. She wasn't acting as his attorney, was she? She was acting as a fixer. That's arguable. She might be able to sneak it through. We knew the wife was having an affair the entire time, but we didn't know the husband knew until near the end. We missed Fitz, but we enjoyed so much forward-movement in this season's major arc.
Episode grade: B

The Vampire Diaries- The Killer
There were a lot of good things about this episode. First, we liked that Connor is dead and we love that Elena killed him. It was so bad ass and everything we've wanted to see from this character. It's a pity the episode ruined it right afterward. Plenty of characters have killed on this show, and while we like remorse, total crying breakdowns are annoying and sort of sexist. Only...Caroline is a good person too, and she didn't react like this. It makes sense for Elena to pause, look sad, and take a deep, mournful breath, but all of this drama? Bleck. We LIKE Elena and don't think she's a damsel. If you hate her, we feel your pain this week.

It's getting lame how much the show has to emphasize Elena's compassion. We know it's part of her character, but you wouldn't see this kind of reaction from any of the guys on this show. Why is a guy's primary character trait never "compassion"? Elena couldn't have her kick-ass moment even though it was self-defense. The show had to immediately turn her into a crying puddle again. Now, she hallucinates too! Of course, she still can't wipe her mouth, even though she can bury a guy.

We're interested in what's going on with Professor Shane and Bonnie. He's clearly against her friends, but he's helping her and has control over Bonnie's unconscious mind now. That's going to come back to bite her. This episode was extremely gory, and we liked it. Especially the whole in the one hybrid's chest! We loved Haley telling Caroline, "I don't do teen drama." Where is the show going with her and how long is she staying? Now the town has underground tunnels. Could be useful. Overall, this was a decent episode that Elena tried to ruin by losing it.
Episode grade: B

Supernatural brings back DJ Quarth (ugh), Nashville keeps Scarlett annoying, AHS stays crazy, Modern Family wins, and Arrow can't manage to be believable even for a second

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Supernatural- Southern Comfort
We like Garth about as much as Dean does. We hate when people don't have their own identites, so they start dressing and tlaking like just one other person. At least merge a couple of people together, yeesh. We know a girl who Single White Females another girl we know like crazy. Every time Girl #1 changes her hair, Girl #2 copies it. She wants to go to the same school as Girl #1, she has the same dreams and aspirations, and she buys the same clothes and shoes. It's hilarious, but sad. Garth was already annoying, but now he's doing stuff like this. We dislike him even more than Sam. Sam deserved to get screamed at, and if he attacks Benny, we hope Benny wins and kills Sam. Sam should have died at the end of season five when he went to hell with Satan.

Dean should have then found a way to get Sam transferred to heaven, teamed up with Castiel and Bobby, and continued the show with that gang instead. Sam could have guest starred when they needed a heavenly visit or ghost or something. Because Sam IS a traitor, and he HAS done the stupidest things. We keep forgiving him, and so has Dean, but not us. His girlfriend? Not better than Dean and not worth quitting the business for. She's just a woman who knew how to play hard to get. This show has the worst female characters (except for the blonde incarnation of Ruby and the Harvelle women). We liked the case, but the people on the screen need to shape up.
Episode grade: B-

Nashville-Movie It on Over
After a great pilot, this show kept meandering, tensionless and in a rut. Scarlett's storyline still isn't going anywhere. She's fighting with her insecure, putz boyfriend over the same darn thing. She should have dumped him at the end of the episode. Everyone else eked forward a little this week though. We found out what was up with Teddy and Peggy. That'll lead to nowhere good. Our fingers are crossed for a divorce. We like Juliette and Deacon as just friends, even if they are a little co-dependent. It's weird when he has sex with her, because she's so young. We're sure their relationship will go back to a romantic one, but we're enjoying the break from the skeeviness for now. We also like seeing Deacon's demons come back a little and Rayna hanging the phone up on him for good. It's cool to see her writing songs. We're also glad the addict mom went to rehab. No good songs this week.
Episode grade: B

American Horror Story- I Am Anne Frank (part 1)
Sigh. On the one hand, the last thing poor Anne Frank's memory needed was to be associated with this show. Did it have to be Anne Frank? Couldn't it have been any other Auschwitz inmate? On the other hand, the show kind of got away with it. The way Anne lived made sense. It's remotely possible. Maybe we'll soon find out that she's just crazy. Also, we thought we could trust Ryan Murphy to remember that Anne was probably bisexual (due to a few words her father edited out of her diary before publication). We guess Murphy thought they already covered the lesbian angle with Lana, so he gave Anne a dead husband. Anne is played by Franka Potente of Run Lola Run, a good, but overrated, movie.

So, Arden is actually a scary Holocaust doctor who experimented on Jews. We love that Sister Jude believes Anne. Who else laughed at the chronic masturbating guy? Lana's diversion therapy scenes were hard for us to watch. That would be a hard experience for a straight woman, let alone a gay one. Grace's imaginary flashback was disgusting. We like that she's guilty though. Shelley is being turned into one of those monsters, we think. One of the interesting things about this episode is the commentary that "it all starts with jokes." That's kind of true. Anti-Semetic jokes were being told and written in Germany decades before the Holocaust. By the time Hitler came on the scene, the groundwork was set. Yet jokes about Jews like we see on South Park are funny and actually seem to have an opposite effect.

Maybe it's the tone of the joke: whether it's satire on racists, or whether it's actually racist. Whether it's told in a judgmental way, or whether it's told good-naturedly to a Jewish friend who also jokes about your heritage. Maybe it's too dangerous, and we should scrap them altogether. Especially if Anne Frank is waiting in your local bar to attack you for telling them. This episode was completely over-the-top, with every storyline being far-fetched and absolutely disgusting. But that's this show, and we guess it's time we accepted that. Were we entertained? Yes. Were we scared? Naw.
Episode grade: B

Modern Family- Arrested
Well, we have Haley back. We're glad. She's funny. It's pretty harsh for her to get expelled completely though. It as a surprise. But this was one of the funniest episodes of the season. This year is starting to prove that there are more good one-liners in this show. Cam and Mitchell were apart, so they could only fight in the first couple of minutes. Phil stepped up, and so did Haley. We even liked Gloria and Jay's storyline. It was time to bury the hatchet between Gloria and DeDe. The flashbacks weren't kind to DeDe, who has been physically transformed for the worst in just a few short years. That's age though. It will happen to all of us. Loved the Legally Blonde reference (and that movie).
Episode grade: A

Arrow-Damaged
Deathstroke (the guy who tortured Oliver on the island) looks awesome! It's hard to pull off scary and intimidating in a supervillain costume, but he did it. That was the most interesting island flashback yet. It was good to see island enemies. Okay, it was dumb for Oliver to get himself arrested just so he'll never be suspected again, because now he has his name associated with the vigilante where it really wasn't before. He should have saved that trick for when he was being suspected. When newspapers were starting to associate his re-appearance with Arrow. Also, no one questions that rich Oliver couldn't just hire someone to pose as Arrow? Because he DID, except Dig didn't get paid. Moira is upset that someone tried to kill Oliver...even though she tried to kill Oliver on the yacht. For us, Detective Lance carried the episode. He brings some emotion to things. Oliver is a little stiff. Entertaining episode though. Easy to watch.
Episode grade: B

The BBC Sherlock is the best Sherlock Holmes out there (better than RDJ and Elementary, and we don't hate those)

By Benedict_Cumberbatch_filming_Sherlock.jpg: Fat Les from London, UK derivative work: RanZag (Benedict_Cumberbatch_filming_Sherlock.jpg) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

None of our shows were on last night because of the US presidential election. Obviously, we're not going to tell you whether we are happy with the results, because this isn't a political blog. But we will say that there isn't much of a practical difference in what Romney and Obama would actually do. Obama likes gay people? Cool. That doesn't mean they will be able to marry. Even that awesome power is limited. Since we have no regularly scheduled post, this is a good time to talk about Sherlock for the first time. We just finished all six episodes, and we were pretty pleased with them. We're not sure we understand the level of obsession some people seem to have with it, but it was enjoyable and we look forward to season three. It's clever and well-written. There's some good humor. Sherlock's ego is just big enough. But let us be clear: Benedict Cumberbatch is not hot. #sackofpotatoes

For those of you who haven't seen it, you should. Sherlock is an update of the original stories that brings them to present day and sometimes improves on them. Each episode is based on one of the more famous Conan Doyle stories. It's true to the characters, and the characterization is great. We like seeing a Sherlock with actual Asperger's rather than just arrogance and intelligence. The relationship between Sherlock and Watson is adorable. There are only six episodes, but you should know that they are each an hour and a half long. It's best if you treat them like six 90-minute movies. It's not one of those shows that you can follow if you're not paying attention. It's not a good one to have in the background. Get popcorn, dim the lights, and just watch one at a time like they are films. The acting is good.

For those of you have have seen it, our favorite episodes were the first and third episodes of season one. We also liked the most recent episode, the finale of season two. We weren't nuts about the season two premiere. All of the sudden, Sherlock was good at hand-to-hand combat, like the Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock. Can't a guy be brilliant and bad ass without having to also be able to beat up other guys too? We didn't like that incarnation of Irene Adler either. Watching her pursuing Sherlock was a little boring. We can't say that the actress and Benedict had a lot of chemistry either, even though she was gorgeous and did a fine job. As a romance, it didn't work or pull at our heartstrings. Our least favorite episode has to be The Blind Banker though, since it was the most boring. Moriarty is great. He's freaky in a way that most TV villains are not. It's a great success. His first appearance was truly shocking. We can't wait to find out how Sherlock lived in the finale.

Did you say Good Wife, Homeland, and Downton? YEAH YOU DID. (And there's Revolution too)

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The Good Wife- The Art of War
Who doesn't love a good rape case? On TV, on TV. Never in real life. We loved when the military judge stood between Amanda Peet and her attempted racist when he was trying to brown nose. That was the best part of that. As soon as we heard Alicia say, "Let's win this," we knew they were going to lose. We guess even really smart lawyers can still be beaten by the Rules of Jinx. Bye bye Mandy Post. Can't say we're sorry for your loss. We finally know where the Maddie stuff is going, and we're not sure we like it. Kalinda's stupid husband was only in this episode for a couple of minutes, and we can all be grateful for that. Now that Alicia knows he's dangerous, can she please get rid of him? Who loves Jackie's new caregiver? We dooooo.
Episode grade: B+

Homeland- A Gettysburg Address
Is it just us, or was that the first relative snoozer of the season (compared to other episodes of this show, of course)? The new status quo has taken the tension out of a lot of major storylines for this show. What are we supposed to worry about now? Finn and Dana? Psh, that'll be the day. Not that there weren't important events. Mike and Jessica think Brody is a terrorist now. If they thought that a few days ago, they would have been right. They can't even be right when they are RIGHT. Ugh, so behind, guys. If Quinn is gone, we're going to be upset. He was our favorite new character and the man we hope Carrie ends up with. He won't put up with any of her s***. We felt bad for Brody when he was all confused and getting screamed at.
Episode grade: B

Revolution- The Children's Crusade
Yet another motherflippin adventure of the week. Don't worry, we expected it. They will find Danny in the season finale. It will be a cliffhanger where Charlie hugs him, and then they turn around and see Monroe holding a knife to their mother's throat. Roll credits. We're just going to try to enjoy the show as a weekly adventure thing. So, Danny is sort of the reason the power went out? Ha, and he got his dad killed too. He's just replaced Nora as "most useless person on this show." Hopefully Charlie can put her new brand to good use tricking people. The good news is that Charlie wasn't as annoying this week. Yeah, she jumped at the chance to save the orphan boy, but Miles backed her up quickly. When a man backs up a woman's bleeding-heart move, it's more tolerable, right viewers? : /
Episode grade: B-

Downton Abbey- Season three finale
Well, this was the quietest Downton finale in history. Now tragic love cliffhanger? No angst? Almost no drama? Edith has a Jane Eyre situation, and we quite like it. We don't like cousin Rose though. Sorry, but if you run around with married guys, that's gross. We should all react like Edith did. We love the Edith we saw in this episode: smart, strong, direct, and awesome. We didn't know Tom was so intelligent until this week either. Thankfully Mary can have children now. There are too many infertility plots on TV. Is it time for a time jump to grow up baby Sybil a little? We're pretty sure in that day and age, no one would be defending Thomas like that. It was unrealistic, but sweet. Of course, Thomas has been such a poop throughout the show's history that we weren't touched. Violet was in fine form, as usual. All-in-all, it was a pleasant watch, but it wasn't the stuff of memorable, stunning finales.
Episode grade: B-

If you live in the US, go vote while there's still time!

Once Upon a Time, Walking Dead, Revenge, and Dexter

By Kristin Dos Santos from Los Angeles, California, United States (Image:Prison Break Cast.jpg [1]) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Hello creatures. We've been having internet problems, but we're back.

Once Upon a Time- Tallahassee
Not only did Hurley's presence this week remind us of LOST, so did the episode title. One of those writers must have spent a lot of time in Tally...God knows why. Bleck. Go to Gainesville instead, readers. When Hurley thumped out as the giant, we cackled. There's nothing fearsome about that guy, even if they make him larger. We were impressed that Hook could climb the beanstalk. We didn't feel bad for him in the end. Supposedly, he will be released soon, and he was also being a total sexual harasser during the entire adventure. Emma is so stupid. She should have had Hurley hold Hook for a month, not ten hours. He's going to catch up and become a problem. We liked Henry and Aurora's identical scary dreams. Nothing like dark prophecy to spice up a fantasy.

We finally got the backstory on Henry's dad, Neal, who August convinced to abandon her for her own good. Neal really loved Emma! What was in the box?!! Is this show going to pull a Pulp Fiction and not tell us? We're pretty sure it was neither a soul nor gold. This episode was good for Emma's character development. We got to see why she is the way that she is (annoying). She was jilted, abandoned, and spent time in prison. They did a good job making Jennifer Morrison look younger. That's about as good as it's going to get. We are left to ponder who we ship Emma with: Hook, August, or Neal? We're thinking Hook would be the most interesting. Or Rumpy's son.
Episode grade: B

The Walking Dead- The Killer Within
No zombie baby, but there were major deaths this week. No one likes the wives on AMC (except for some people liking Megan Draper), so everyone should be happy that Lori is gone, right? We're really not. Her death was sad sad sad. Her speech to Carl almost got us tearing up. Rick's reaction was devastating. The first half of this episode was dull, but it ended like a finale. Heck yes. This season is doing everything it can to win us back. We liked the show starting to alternate between Andrea and the original group. Not a whole lot happened with Andrea and Michonne though. That was set up for later. Andrea is going to regret her little crush on the Governor. Is it a crush? Michonne is predictably smart. RIP T-Dog, who has been replaced by a new black man, Oscar. He seems cool. Carl having to shoot his mom's body was messed up. We're in a terrible mood from watching that, but we'll admit the episode was pretty good.
Episode grade: B+

Revenge- Illusion
Aiden and Amanda go to the Grayson wedding together. While Daniel dances with Amanda, Aiden and Ashley share a dance. Now, we know the normal viewer was watching Daniel regret the end of his relationship with Amanda, but since we are so focused on the new hottie, we sensed an odd closeness between Aiden and Ashley. They are both British. They are both sneaky as hell. They are totally in cahoots. We know it. That's what's going down. Because you know this show wouldn't spend so much time on boring Ashley unless she has a secret of her own. Aiden tries to get Amanda to trust her again, and looks like he's going in for a kiss. He's all "I've changed." She tells him to leave. Is she a real person? With, like, a libido and everything? Doubtful.
Episode grade: B

Dexter- Do the Wrong Thing
When did LaGuerta turn into a brilliant cop? So inconvenient for everyone and WE LOVE IT. Oh Quinn...you had other options here. Helping Isaak get released was a new low, but at least it was to rescue Nadia from human trafficking. We hate human trafficking. Deb dating a true crime writer is also a dumb move. This episode suffered because Dexter's investigation into Hannah took too long. We knew she was a killer already. We didn't need to watch Dexter confirm it for that long. Hannah kills people rather than get attached to them. That's a new spin on intimacy issues. We've got intimacy issues of our own, but damn...they aren't that rough. We're not sure if we ship Hannah and Dexter, but we're just so happy Dexter's love interest this season isn't Deb.
Episode grade: B