American Horror Story - Spooky Little Girl

Oh this stupid show. So entertaining, yet so bats*** insane. It’s what gets Ern up on a Thursday morning. The alarm rings, and Ern doesn’t want to get out of bed, because there is studying to do. As a compromise, she turns on AHS and gets back in her bed. By the end of the episode, Ern is usually fully awake and sometimes pretty annoyed. The antichrist stuff has GOT to go. We were all wondering how this show was going to top itself since it started being outrageous from the get-go. Everything needs a grand finale. What, is the house going to cave in and reveal the mouth of hell? Ryan Murphy said we shouldn’t necessarily trust that what a character said is true. We hope this is one of those cases.

We hope there is an endgame for this show that is worth it. We recently read that, in the next episode, we will find out whether Violet is dead, so we are looking forward to that. We will also get to find out Larry’s whole story and why Tate shot up his school, including what influence he was under, if any. So next week is not a week to miss for this show’s fans. We count ourselves as two of them.

The episode opened with a flashback to 1947. Mena Suvari, playing the Black Dahlia (hereafter known as BD), walks up to the murder house to get a cavity filled. Yep, a creepy dentist used to live in the house, played by Joshua Malina. The dentist puts BD under and has sex with her unconscious body (classy). She ends up dead, and the good doctor Frankenstein ghost helps the dentist chop BD up. The dentist disposes of the body in a yard.

Moira has upped her slut game but Ben continues to resist her, even with Vivian stuck in the psych ward. Moira lets Constance know that Tate impregnated Vivian. Constance is upset by this. She wants Ben to get her son his mental health back, even though he is dead and that ship has sailed. Can ghosts heal their crazy? Travis and Constance argue, sending Travis straight into Ghost Hayden’s arms/bed. Hayden wanted to see if she could still have sex with someone who is alive. Hayden’s sister arrives with a cop, looking for her Hayden. Hayden shows up at that exact moment to get Ben out of trouble and suspicion (temporarily). When the cop and sister leave, Hayden tells Ben that she is back in her right mind, that she got an abortion, and that Ben need not worry anymore.

Ben gets a visit from BD, who informs him that she needs a shrink but can only pay in sex. Vivian’s doctor calls Ben and tells him that Vivian’s twins have two fathers. This is a real thing that can happen. It’s very rare, but if a woman has sex with two different men in a 48-hour period when she is ovulating, she can conceive two babies, one for each father. So one baby is the Tate/Demon baby and one is Ben’s. Moira and BD start making out on the couch in order to seduce Ben, which doesn’t work. He fires Moira (yeah, like that’s going to keep her out) and sends BD away.

Ben visits his wife and reads her the riot act for cheating and then acting all self-righteous. Vivian is drugged, so she can’t respond. Back home, Ben tells Hayden that they “weren’t meant to be” so Hayden makes up a story that Vivian slept with the hunky, black security guard, Luke. Well THAT theory will be effectively disproved when both babies come out white. For now, Ben buys it. He calls Luke over. Luke informs Ben that his sperm can’t make babies. Ben starts to believe that Vivian is telling the sane truth about being raped, and he asks Moira about it. As Moira exits the house, in the doorway, she lets Ben see her “old woman form” and congratulates Ben on “finally beginning to see things as they are.” Yay!

Constance asks Travis to marry her, telling him that his acting career will never happen. He gets angry and runs back to Hayden’s bed. Hayden gets stabby on him, murdering him after sex. That’s what he gets for not taking care of Hayden’s needs and running off. They are even now. “Would you mind finishing yourself?” is never an acceptable question to ask after sex. The ghosts get Larry to dispose of Travis’ body, all cut up like BD’s. We guess that Ryan Murphy is an equal-opportunity butcherer. He will maim a man’s body along with a woman’s. We respect that, in a weird way.

Constance goes to visit Vivian, and Vivian tells her that she was raped, but she is trying to pretend that she doesn’t believe she was anymore. Vivian wants out of the nasty psych ward. We would too. Constance goes home and asks Billie Dean the Medium what happens when ghosts and humans mate, just to see what sort of grandchild she can expect. That’s when Billie Dean tells Constance about a box the Catholic Pope has. Inside the box are details about the antichrist. Apparently, he will be born of a human and a spirit, like Jesus, only the wrong version. This child will usher in the end of times. Ugh.

Episode grade: B-

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