American Horror Story - Rubber Man

We predict that pretty much no one is pleased that Tate is the Rubber Man. Ern is unsurprised though, and still loves him. He and Violet are such a nice, messed-up couple. Twisted romance that completely owns all of its twistedness is Ern’s cup of tea. But poor Violet. He’s the father of her siblings, which is just fantastic for all involved. Yeah, it’s all pretty gross, but we are entertained. Leeard is pretty attached to Vivian, because she’s the nicest and only sane person on the show. Last night bummed Leeard out because of what happened to her.

The episode opened with a flashback where the Harmons are moving in, six months ago. Nora, the first owner of the house, is crying that someone is changing her beautiful house. The Rubber Man (who we now know to be Tate) comforts her. Tate wants to help Nora get a baby, because that’s what she always wanted. Since the gay couple fought and decided not to adopt a baby for Nora to steal, Tate and Nora hoped that the Harmons would provide. We flash to the first episode when Viv and the Rubber Man make sweet, freaky love. After the deed is done, the Gimp removes his mask and we see that it is Tate. He is weirdly attached to the ghost women of the house and he wants to help Nora get a baby, even if it’s his. Ghost sperm can totally swim.

The episode flashes back to the present, and Vivian is discussing with Moira and Marcy the fact that she saw ghost Nora in the house. Marcy blows it off and then laments that Mr. Escandarian hasn’t been returning her calls. Moira ate his penis and killed him, if you remember. It’s a tad hard to forget. She’s a maneater. (Wow, we’re lame.) Then we flash back to before, when the gay couple was alive. Chad is having drinks with a female friend and talking about how he thinks Patrick is cheating on him. Chad has been having computer sex with a guy who is into S&M. They chat about it and jerk off, which can’t be super fulfilling. The guy’s name is JungleJim4322 and it looks like he’s using Yahoo! messenger, which is exactly the place to meet people who are horny and repressed, just fyi. It’s a complete waste of time. Stay away.

The female friend advises Chad to become more experimental to save his marriage. Chad goes to an S&M sex shop and really doesn’t understand any of the stuff there. We feel you, Chad, like a rapist with a hot poker. Chad asks the question we are all asking (“How is a latex suit a turn-on?”) and the retailer replies that it dehumanizes the person wearing it, turning him into a giant, moving sex toy/doll for the person having sex with the rubber man. We think that’s really sad. Half of the point of having sex is connecting with another person. Anyone who has to dehumanize another person to enjoy sex is a coward who can’t handle the real, emotional thing. Maybe once-in-a-while would be fine, but over time, that can’t be good for a relationship or a human being.

But Chad wants Patrick, so he buys the rubber suit. When he wears it in front of Patrick, Patrick shuns him. Patrick prefers leather, and he kind of hates Chad. Patrick informs Chad that sex chatting is not cheating. Agree to disagree, Patrick. Patrick leaves and Chad cries. We feel bad for Chad, because we love him and we love Zachary Quinto. In the present, Hayden gives Nora a talk about how all men suck and how the house provides her with fun. She’s sleeping with Constance’s ghost husband and then stabbing him repeatedly. Talk about issues. Hayden and Nora agree to steal Vivian’s twins and make sure Vivian ends up in a mental institution.

In yet another flashback, we see Tate killing the ghosts. He also butt-raped Patrick with a fire poker. He killed them so that another family who might be able to provide a family could take over the house. In the present, Violet has been skipping school to hang out in her room and play with ghosts. Ben tries to take her to task for it, but Violet reams him for cheating and making Vivian start acting crazy. After this episode, we strongly believe that Violet is dead. She hasn’t been out of the house or to school in a while, and she’s seeing more ghosts than anyone. The theory making the rounds is that Tate never actually saved Violet from overdosing. She’s dead, and she doesn’t know she’s dead. Like Bruce Willis. The Harmons had no idea that Violet was sleeping with Tate (ew), ditching school, overdosing, cutting, lying, and possible being dead. They are the freaking worst parents of all time, and maybe Nora SHOULD get Vivian’s next batch of spawn.

Moira tells Vivian that all men have this big conspiracy to oppress women, call them crazy, and lock them up. We agree with the second part. Men do try to paint women as overemotional and crazy. Everything else is just Moira having as many issues as Hayden. Vivian takes Moira’s words to heart. Moira tells Vivian that doctors used to give their female patients orgasms by masturbating them in order to cure their hysteria. One of us kind of wishes that doctors still did that… Moira warns Vivian to get out of the house while she still can. Vivian grabs Violet and they try to leave.

In the car, ghosts surround them, scare the crap out of them, and drive them back to the house. Vivian tries to tell Ben that the house is evil, but he doesn’t believe her. Violet doesn’t back Vivian’s story up, and tells Ben that she didn’t see anything (which pissed one of us off). She is afraid that if she leaves the house or tells her parents about the ghosts, she won’t see Tate again. Her dead, school-shooter, raping, father of her siblings boyfriend. At least Tate isn’t banging Hayden though. That’s loyalty. Vivian, scared, steals Marcy’s gun. Tate sneaks into Vivian’s room to scare her, Vivian screams, Ben runs to Vivian’s aid, and Vivian shoots him. The EMTs save him. The shot was a through-and-through.

Ben gives Vivian some Valium, and Hayden appears to torment Vivian. Vivian, drugged, freaks and then tells Ben that she’s seeing Hayden. Cops arrive and take Vivian away to a mental institution for evaluation or something. We are officially mad at everyone on this show, except for Vivian. Also, this episode gets points off for not including Constance. The last thing we saw was a flashback to where Moira and Tate are setting up the gay guys’ deaths to look like a murder suicide. Tate tells Moira that it’s romantic that now the two will be together forever, which is the creepiest way to look at it ever. Who can think of romance after RAPING SOMEONE WITH A FIRE POKER IN THE ASS?

Episode grade: B-

Happy (American) Thanksgiving, ya'll. One post today. We'll do Parenthood and the rest of the Wednesday night shows tomorrow. We have turkey on which to feast.

How I Met Your Mother Twist

For once, we don't know what our opinion is here. On the one hand, we didn't see it coming. On the other, it's not exactly original. Let us know what you think. Are you excited/happy, or are you not? Who do you think is the culprit? Barney or Kevin? It has to be Barney, right? Also, will this change Robin too much? We're not saying moms can't be awesome (obviously, because ours are), but Robin has never wanted kids. Not every woman wants kids, and we liked that the one representing that on network television was someone as awesome as Robin.

The Good Wife - Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Last week’s episode, “Death Row Tip,” bored us a little, except for the Santa thing and the shootout in front of Cary and Kalinda. Cary has never been hotter. This week, Peter brings Wendy Scott-Carr in to investigate and prosecute Will Gardner. This storyline is super realistic. What man wouldn’t want to go after the man who stole his wife? Peter deserves his wife stolen though, as most of us can agree. Wendy is just as hate-able as we remember. Wendy goes to Diane for information and pretty much threatens Diane in order to get Diane on Peter/WSC’s side in this whole thing. Diane doesn’t back down.

Diane is a character it’s taken us a long time to like. It’s mostly because she’s so dang liberal. We don’t dig political extremism in either direction. It’s lines like, "Do men really have that much success in their life that the first setback that comes along they get all weepy?" that really annoy us. Do feminists have to demean men in order to get their points across? Diane is like one of those elitist, self righteous liberal crusaders one of our Texas daddies reared us to hate. However, Diane is smart as a whip and she’s also pretty fearless. She went directly to Will, told him what was up (he’s being investigated for bribing judges), and demanded that he stop sleeping with Alicia.

The charges are BS, but the investigation could bring down the firm and everything that Diane has worked for. Later, when Eli loses a client, Diane bonds with Eli and helps him drink his sorrows away, commiserating with him. Apparently, Eli doesn’t sleep, because his job is so tiring. Sidenote: Stacie Hall is so much fun. These little side characters who are full of so much personality are part of why The Good Wife is such a colorful, interesting show. Most shows don’t waste time making guests and side characters memorable. This one does.

Jackie Florrick is still driving Alicia’s kids around, at Peter’s request. Jackie goes snooping in Alicia’s computer files, looking for dirt in order to get Peter sole custody. Jackie accidentally turns on Alicia’s webcam while snooping. Alicia is mighty offended, but she still tries to keep the full story from her kids. They figure it out quickly and jump on their mom’s side. Alicia changes the locks and tells Jackie to stay out of her house/go pound sand. Then Alicia takes Zach car shopping so that Jackie doesn’t have to drive them around anymore. This was amazing. Jackie crossed a major line there.

Dana and Kalinda flirt, but then Dana just sleeps with Cary. Dana also buys a jacket just like Kalinda’s so that Cary will love Dana as much as he loves Kalinda. Fat chance. We know that we are the only people on earth who are not enthralled by Kalinda. We just don't find her interesting, even though she is one of the few bisexual characters on TV. We’re eternally annoyed by Kalinda’s wardrobe. Is she really good enough at her job that no one complains about her knee-high, sex worker boots, short skirts, slutty tights, and leather jackets? At least she’s not wearing a red suit to court like Alicia. Eesh.

Meanwhile, Will and Alicia go back to military court with same attorney and judge from last time they were in military court. A young woman was charged with 12 counts of murder because she disobeyed an order and pushed a button, sending drones into a civilian area. She claims that the order was delayed, but the evidence is stacked against her. The client is found guilty and Alicia is upset, because she thinks the young woman was a scapegoat. The judge talks to Alicia after the verdict is read, and drops some truth bombs on her. The verdict was totally just. We agree. Alicia and Will’s defense was total whining.

Episode grade: A-

Once Upon a Time - Important Information for Fans

No episode of Once Upon a Time aired last night, so in lieu of that, we will give you the important bits of a great interview we read with the show’s writers. They answered some questions we kind of needed answered. We’re actually a little annoyed that most of this wasn’t apparent in the actual show, but whatever. If you get Entertainment Weekly, and you should, you probably already know this.

• Because of the curse, the residents of Storybrooke don’t know how they ended up living there. “They have an existence that for 28 years has made sense to them because of the curse, but only now, with the arrival of Emma, does the haze start to lift.” – Horowitz.
• The clock tower started functioning again when Emma arrived, and this signifies the fact that the war between good and evil has begun. This also means that the townspeople have started aging and regaining a sense of their own will. “What you’re going to see in upcoming episodes is characters starting to free themselves and acting in ways that they previously had not.” We think we saw a little of this in last week’s episode with Cinderella.
• Regina is fully aware that she and the others are fairytale characters. She actually wants a relationship with Henry, but the curse has left her with an emotional void and she can’t love him. Regina is determined to overcome this obstacle and prove to everyone that she can have the curse and her happiness with it.
• Questions that will be answered this season: Why does the Queen hate Snow White? How did Rumpelstiltskin become Rumpelstiltskin?
• Some fairytale characters, like Peter Pan, are not part of the public domain. The show is restricted to using characters the channel (whose parent company is Disney) has access to and those characters that are public domain. At this point, they don’t want to deal with paying people for permission to use the characters, but maybe someday they will. We will probably see The Little Mermaid at some point.
• Henry’s father is important and we might meet him and not know it’s Henry’s father.
• Sheriff Graham is “pivotal” to the story.

Homeland - Achilles Heel

Carrie now believes that Brody is not a terrorist, because Walker is. We, as an audience, are now sure that Brody is at least slightly involved with the terrorists' plans, but he's having some serious second thoughts. Last week’s episode was incredible. An episode grade of "A," for sure. That perfect episode centered around a weekend with Carrie and Brody at Carrie’s family cabin, having sex and bonding. That is until Carrie let slip to Brody that she has been watching him and a confrontation (the likes of which is hardly ever seen outside a season finale) ensued. Now, Brody is angry at Carrie for lying to him, and Carrie keeps trying to apologize, leading us to believe that she has real feelings for Brody. The crying when he left the cabin tipped us off too.

Walker’s young son saw Walker watching him at the boy’s school. Walker has also been calling his family’s voicemail when they are not home, just to hear their recorded voices. Saul and Carrie pronounce Walker’s family to be his “Achilles heel.” Walker is homeless and begging on the D.C. streets. He’s looking at the Capitol building in a way Jack Bauer would not approve of. An older white man in a car passes Walker a key wrapped in a dollar. The key is to a storage facility.

Saul is still reeling from the love of his life, his brown girl, preparing to leave him. As if anyone could leave Inigo Montoya. Carrie goes to Saul’s house and confesses that she had an affair with Brody. He is predictably not pleased. Carrie tells Saul that it’s over, Saul asks if she is ok, and Carrie says that she will survive. They hug. Saul is so nice to Carrie. Carrie is such a complex character. On the one hand, she is paranoid, sometimes cold, manipulative, and possibly mentally ill. On the other hand, she’s capable of real love in grey areas, she’s compassionate, she’s smart, and she’s capable. Women don’t often get to play such fully fleshed-out characters on TV.

The CIA and the FBI team up to catch Walker. Carrie is placed at Helen Walker’s home, and she is in charge of the operation. The Walker boy leaves the house for school on the morning of the op. The plan is for Walker’s wife to pick up the phone when Walker calls and keep Walker talking long enough for the government to trace the call. Duh. These are the 24 writers, after all, and call tracing is in the top five Terrorist Catching Tactics. The other four are breaking rules, torture, whispering to a suspect really quietly then yelling really loudly, and voicing a constant awareness of time constraints (“Dammit. We’re running out of time.”)

Someone calls, and it’s a telemarketer. Yet another reason those should be outlawed. They fuss with national security. Helen crumbles and Carrie talks her back to strength. The next call is Walker. As soon as Helen answers, he hangs up. They really should have had his wife read out a pretend, long message so that he wouldn’t hang up. The CIA should hire us, seriously. Ok, the fake, TV CIA that actually deals with Homeland Security. That’s not really what they do. They gather intelligence, but whatever. This is TV. The CIA does everything, including supplying Jennifer Garner with an endless supply of wigs.

Brody goes back to Jessica, and they come to an understanding. Jessica makes it clear that six years is a damn long time to wait and that she is sorry she made a mistake. Brody apologizes for being difficult. The children notice a positive change in the marriage and family life. Brody, Jessica, Saul, and Saul’s wife attend a party thrown by Elizabeth Gaines, who clearly wants to bone Saul. Brody shows up in uniform, which we think is kind of a jerk move. We really hate the way the actor speaks, too. Everything about it just rubs our ears the wrong way. Everyone at the party is really nice to Brody/Elizabeth, because Brody is being groomed to be a Congressional candidate for the Democratic party. Wait until everyone finds out he’s a Muslim….

That night, Carrie is still at Helen Walker’s house. They discuss the men in their lives. Helen never stopped loving Tom, even now. Tom Walker calls Helen in the middle of the night, and Helen chooses not to go through with the government’s plan and actually warns Walker that he needs to book it. The Feds chase Walker, and he runs into a mosque. The FBI agents accidently shoot two random Muslims. The FBI publically declares Walker a terrorist so that the murders will be eclipsed by the needs of national security. Also, the FBI wants the public to keep a lookout for Walker, because Walker has gotten away. Good luck sorting through every tip where an American sees a homeless black guy and calls it in… Walker goes to the storage unit, where he finds a gun.

Carrie goes to Brody’s house to tell Brody that Tom Walker is alive. Abu Nazir tricked Brody into thinking he killed Walker. Carrie assures Brody that she kept all of his secrets from the government and tries, again, to explain herself. The friendship and affair is not rekindled, because Brody still feels used by Carrie for her job. Saul was going to make breakfast for his wife and see her to the airport, but he had to leave when the CIA called, even though he had only hours to convince her to stay. Saul’s wife took note of that, and this made her choice to leave Saul for India a lot easier. Meanwhile, Carrie has an epiphany that she is going to be alone her whole life. There’s still hope, Carrie (or at least that’s what we single, adult TV addicts tell ourselves).

The episode ended with Brody finding the old white guy who passed Walker the key. His house is fancy. Brody angrily demands answers from Old White Guy. The OWG said, “You'll have to take it up with your boyfriend Abu Nazir.” We kind of figured that when Brody said he “loved“ Abu Nazir it was more than platonic. That’s why he was “ashamed,” probably. Gay sex might not have occurred, but for some reason the show wants its audience to think it did, at this point. Brody tells Old White Guy to tell Nazir that “he’s through talking with Nazir…it’s over.” Ohhh, Carrie, if only you could have heard this… We wonder if she’s be appalled that she shared a man with Abu Nazir.

Episode grade: A-

Checking in on Dexter - Btw, the show has been renewed for seasons 7 and 8

"Sin of Omission"

Deb - Annoying or totally correct about everything?
Debra Morgan is sick of Dexter being emotionally distant, which is something she’s gonna have to get over, because he’s a sociopath. Debra found out that Dexter went to Nebraska and didn’t tell her, which she sees as “a lie.” This makes her curse even more than usual, which we find hilarious. Lots of people hate the character for that. We think it’s about time that she pay more attention to Dexter though. She’s a detective who is supposedly good at her job who also hangs out with a serial killer multiple times. FINALLY she’s fed up with Dexter disappearing for “me time,” and never telling her a damn thing.

We miss Brother SamSome people are really disappointed in this season. They say that the Big Bads aren’t scary and there’s too much focus on Deb. We think Brother Sam was the obvious highlight of the season so far. We like that he is bringing out another side in Dexter. No one is pure, 100% evil. Developing Dexter’s “light” side after we’ve seen him grapple with his darkness for years is interesting to us. He reached Travis and Trinity’s son because of the things Sam told us. The nasty, bloody Bible was icing on the cake of Sam’s gifts. RIP, bro.

Travis is imagining Professor GellarWe’ve thought this for a while, but after this episode especially, we think it is very possible that Travis is making up Gellar in his head. Travis is clearly insane. We haven’t seen any reason that he would follow Gellar in the first place unless Gellar is elsewhere and Travis’ brain has fooled him into thinking his old professor is guiding him. We have an “End of Fight Club” situation here, and we don’t like it. Who else actually sees Gellar except for Travis? Even Dexter didn’t get to see him. Are we really supposed to believe that ancient-as-hell Gellar jumped out of a second-story window? The only weird thing is that would mean Travis chained himself up, which would mean that the show needs to explain how he would have gotten out of that mess. Key secretly in the pocket? Still, come on! Gellar’s totally a figment.

LaGuerta, when will you die?LaGuerta has been annoying from day one, and now she is covering up for the John who gave the dead hooker CPR. At first, we reluctantly agreed with LaGuerta that if the John didn’t murder the hooker, that case did not take precedent with Miami on edge. But now, we realize that LaGuerta should have been the whore in Gellar’s tableau. Also, how disappointing was that many-headed alligator creature? It should have been much nastier. Sad about Travis’ sister though. It looks like Deb might be Gellar’s next target.

ReligionWe’re digging all the religion this season. The confession to the old, demented priest was almost sweet. Good casting on the old man there. It would take a crazy priest to absolve Dexter, but absolved Dexter is. Possibly. The blog’s resident Catholic didn’t write this post, so she might call BS if she ever catches up on this show. Dexter reads the Bible and uses a choice verse to let Travis know that the sin of omission is still a sin. It’s the Bible’s version of “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” We agree. This season is rife with moral thought and shades of grey. It’s not the deepest thing we’ve ever seen/read, but it’s deep for TV.

Miscellaneous
We have to give this season credit for focusing on Dexter, Deb, and baddies, not annoying side characters. Still, they get short scenes. Quinn got drunk at a strip club with Masuka and tried to propose to one of the dancers. We really need for him to get over Deb already. Or die. Because pathetic Quinn is bumming us the heck out. Batista tells Puppy Dog Intern that Jamie isn’t ready to settle down and “sees a lot of guys.” We’re sure Jamie will appreciate that. We could do without Batista AND LaGuerta at this point in the show. Batista is just not interesting, and LaGuerta is too much of a witch with a “b.”

This season isn't bad, but we haven't been thrilled for a second. You need to hire a terrifying/terrific actor to play your Big Bad, show. Lithgow is what made the Trinity season great.

Episode grade: C+

Twilight and Arrested Development

Twilight didn't break Harry Potter 7's record, thank GOD.

And Arrested Development's deal for 10 more episodes is officially on. Netflix will exclusively air it. So, if you don't have Netflix, shame on you and this is a reason to get it. Yayyy!

America's Next Top Model - Exploring Greece

We are annoyed that Dominique went home and not Angelea. Angelea is an idiot. Her ego is so big that she can’t take any criticism, even if it’s criticism in the form of a compliment. We get that she doesn’t trust her competition to actually care about her, but the fact that she freaked out is ridiculous and makes us think she’s a big baby. She even said she had no confidence and has been fighting a battle against negative thoughts! The girls are pointing out what she has already said was true. Even if it wasn’t true, and the girls were totally wrong, Angelea overreacted. Angelea, if you are at home googling your name to find out why you were sent home (as we know you will be), you need to get over yourself.

Lisa is the most honest girl in the house, even if she is going to be the target for some hatred because of how hard she is on Allison. Lisa said, “Allison looks like she is dead.” That’s true, if you look at the corpse bride in Tim Burton’s animated film. The eyes are similar. Lisa knows that Allison is the main competition. That’s why everyone voted her as the girl with the least potential. Duh! It’s because they are all afraid of her. We really hope that Allison actually knows this and was just pretending to be sad. Of course the girls vote the most forgettable, sweet girl as the girl who is the best, because she isn’t a threat. Lisa points this out, and also points out that Angelea is defensive. Lisa is the Greek chorus of this show, if the Greek chorus were really, really arrogant.

The photo shoot was alright. Allison always does well, and this shoot was no exception. She had a rocky start though. Lisa comes clean about her fears that the judges conspire against some girls and pick a bad photo for the ones that they want to go home. Nigel is all, “That’s crazy.” But YOU KNOW that’s what we’ve all been thinking all these years. We don’t get to see the other photos. No one does. Laura got the best photo, and she actually deserved it. Dominique was sent home, probably because she generates less drama than ridiculous Angelea. While we are still rooting for Allison, a part of us wants Lisa to win too. She’s a dark horse, she’s old, she’s blunt, she’s observant, and we want to see Tyra pick a girl who boasts about her talents, for once. Tyra always goes for the girl who is all, “Who, me? I didn’t know I was special! Oh golly!” We’re getting sick of that.

WE WILL HAVE THREE MORE SEASONS OF SOUTH PARK!!!!

The show has been renewed through 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We really believe the world needs this show to call it out on its BS, so we are super stoked.

The Slanderous Chickens Have Come Home to Roost

The New Directions and the Troubletones are set to compete against each other at Sectionals, which we thought both teachers should be pretty happy about. This gives them two chances to win at Sectionals. It’s obvious that whichever team wins will graft the other team in when the kids on the losing team realize that they want to go to Nationals. Then both teachers can combine forces and make one awesome team. If the winning group doesn’t want the other kids to be in the group, tough. That’s all up to the teachers of the group. However, wouldn't that sort of defeat the purpose of splitting up the groups in the first place?

Will and Shelby decide to have a Mash-Off in order to turn the competition into something positive. Finn and Santana start their fighting again. Finn wants things to be more civil, and Santana answers that with all the trash talk she can muster. It’s a lot. Apparently, her grandmother verbally abused her. Oh, Glee abuse jokes! Ha ha WAH. The two try to settle their differences with a game of dodgeball, which is totally unfair to the girls-only Troubletones. Believe us, we’ve played dodgeball against guys in high school, and it goes from fun to scary, fast.

It looks like the Troubletones won the game though, because their pure viciousness is transformed into physical power. It’s pretty funny until all the Troubletones gang up on little Rory, who still has that hideous hair. Kurt takes issue with this whole thing and makes it one of his platforms to abolish dodgeball at the school, calling it “modern-day stoning.” Jeez, is anyone else sick of the bullying themes on this show? Glee needs to mine Degrassi for different ways to take high-school characters. Dodgeball can be really fun. Ern is particularly adept at dodging, but hideous at throwing and getting people out, so she’s usually the last person left in the game, but she’s completely useless. But it’s still fun! Dodgeball should be optional, not banned.

Santana is convinced by Mercedes and Brittany to “stop the violence,” so she goes to offer Finn an “apology,” which is hilarious, but quite a bad apology. After she calls Finn fat 100 times (???), Santana tells Finn that he will be riding Rachel's coattails for the rest of his life. Finn knows this, because he had pity sex after all his dreams were dashed last week. In retaliation, Finn calls Santana out in the hallway for being a coward who is in love with Brittany but can’t come out of the closet. While that was wrong, Finn thought it wouldn’t cause harm, because everyone in the school knows. Also, it’s totally true. Santana lashes out because of insecurity which is partly caused by her hidden lesbianism. We don’t blame Finn, however Sue’s rival for Congress (the one that is not Burt) has a daughter at McKinley who heard what Finn said in the hallway. The daughter went to her dad, and the dad made a tacky political ad bashing Sue for making a lesbian her head cheerleader, supposedly violating “family values.”

Sue, Burt Hummel, Will, and the principal come together in unity in order to break the news to Santana that she will soon be outed. That was one of our favorite parts of this episode. It was really sweet that Sue and Burt put aside their differences to support this student. (Sue had been making political ads lying about Burt and said they were “not personal.”) Santana still freaked out, exclaiming that she hadn’t even told her parents yet. She ran out and, soon after, had to perform her mash-up with the Troubletones. That mash-up was one of the best musical things this show has put out all season. Santana looked really wounded through the whole thing. At the end, Santana saw Finn whisper something to Rachel, who giggled. Santana lost it and slapped Finn across the face.

Puck is trying to get Shelby to be with him, but she is resisting it, which is one of the reasons we can tolerate this storyline. It’s surprisingly charming. Also, he’s 18, has plenty of sexual experience, and has plenty of cougar experience. It’s sweet how much he wants to be a part of Beth’s life. We don’t blame him, because Shelby is gorgeous and has way more motherly wisdom this season. He even tried some honesty with Shelby. That’s how she found out about Quinn’s plot to regain custody of Beth. When Quinn comes over, an honestly hurt Shelby reads Quinn the riot act and throws Quinn out. Quinn calls Shelby a whore.

Leeard had a huge problem with this episode, because it made her hate Santana. Santana has always been mean, but her actions this episode crossed over into heartlessness. Ern felt bad for Santana and was more annoyed at what a monster Quinn has become. We just know that Shelby’s refusal to expose Beth to Quinn will result in Quinn trying to take Shelby down. And we just know Quinn will find out about Shelby and Puck’s kiss.

Rachel bonds with Shelby and drops out of the race for student council president in order to help Kurt win, so that they can both get into NYADA together. As for the rest of the musical numbers, we almost always like when Glee does rock, so even though "Hot for Teacher" isn’t our favorite song, we liked the performance. It fit Puck and the plotline. It was a little weird to see Blaine and Mike doing JAZZ HANDS in the background of a Van Halen song. That kind of ruins the whole rock vibe. And CLUE IN WILL. Heads up: for more than two years, the songs the kids sing have reflected what they are going through in their lives. Will just smiled at the performance and approved. Ugh, idiot.

We liked the mash-up of the You and I songs, but one of us is a little sick of Lady Gaga’s "Yoü And I". “Hit Me With Your Best Shot/One Way Or Another” was “meh,” but the performance was funny. Finn shouldn’t sing Benatar, and “One Way Or Another” is overused. The world is sick of that song, and we are glad that Glee has gotten it over with. "You Make My Dreams Come True/I Can't Go For That" by Hall & Oates was really cute, especially if you like Hall & Oates. We loved the costumes and choreography, but we don’t feel the urge to download the song. The ADELE mashup ("Rumor Has It/Someone Like You") was the obvious winner this week. Santana’s eyelashes were too much though. We are mostly satisfied with the music this week (compared to the rest of the music this season), but we lament the lack of Rachel getting to sing rock, which we maintain is always a win.

Best lines? “You’re skinny like all the crops failed on your family’s farm” – Rory. "Don't judge me, I'm 18. It's legal. Besides, the age difference isn't that crazy. Just look at Ashton and Demi, Indiana Jones and Ally McBeal, Woody Allen and that Chinese girl." – Puck (great self-awareness here, Glee. If you’re gonna be creepy, address it.) "Rachel, your mustache is thicker than a Middle Eastern dictator's."- Santana. "Shut your potatoe hole. I'm here to apologize.... Please stick a sock in it. I'm trying to apologize to Lumps the Clown….At some point I must have liked that you look like a taco addict who's had one too many liposuctions. .... I am sorry, Finn…that you sing like you're getting your prostate checked. And you dance like you've been asleep for years and someone just woke you up."

Ern thought this episode had a season one tone, emotional depth, and a good treatment of Rachel. She’s a good person, see?!!! So this episode gets points for lack of Rachel hate and no cartoonishness to her character. We were annoyed that Kurt was so mad at Rachel for running against him, but we could see his point. We’re glad that they are friends again. Bring on that spin-off. We also liked the panning of ads that attack your competition. We lose respect for politicians who take that road, and it makes us less likely to vote for them, even though people who run on fear will prove that those ads work. Still, nice effort, Glee. Classy is always the way to go, even if you have to lose.

Leeard's grade: C+

Ern's grade: A-

Episode grade: B

Bad News for Prime Suspect Fans

Prime Suspect is not part of the midseason schedule. The first, and probably only, season of the cop drama will wrap after 13 episodes. We are pretty bummed, because we liked the show. There is still a chance that the show will be renewed, but we certainly aren't counting on it. Vulture reported that it shut down production. Community will also be benched for a while come midseason, but we refuse to believe that show will leave us. If it's not renewed for a fourth season, our rage will be endless.

How I Met Your Mother, which continues to kill in the ratings, turned in a really strong episode last night. It was heartbreaking and the "two minute" thing was really funny. Just about everyone is confused as to how Robin went from a confident woman who didn't need a man to someone who asks two men "Why do you even want to be with me?" Ugh. But, other than that, we give that episode an A-.

Hell on Wheels- Episodes 1 + 2 review and overview of the show (spoiler free)

This show is getting some mixed reviews, but after seeing two episodes, we’ve realized that this show has a TON of potential to become absolutely amazingly fun. The second episode is better than the first, and we see this show improving over the course of the season as we get to know these characters. We love AMC. We love Westerns. Lots of people have called the show’s first couple of episodes slow and meandering. Um, it goes a heck of a lot faster than The Walking Dead, and Hell on Wheels seems to be speeding up as it goes along. AMC lovers will love this show too. People get scalped. It’s rad. The first couple of episodes were, admittedly, an uneven and rocky start. But you can just see that this is going to be worthwhile.

The opening scene was good. This show does violence well. The violent scenes are intense, which is a surprise since we shouldn’t be expected to care about the characters yet. We don’t KNOW them yet, at all. The characters are not fleshed out yet, especially the main character, but we feel like there is plenty of time. It’s good to start with lots of mystery surrounding your characters to get us hooked. The Indian attack scene was incredible. We gasped a total of three times in the pilot, collectively. We aren’t sure if the main guy is too good looking or not. He’s doing a solid job so far, and the beard grizzles him up a bit.

We don’t know if we like the way the show is handling the race stuff. It’s almost Hallmark-y at points, if Hallmark were mixed with a little grit. Wait, except the way the Indians are handled. They are mostly just bloodthirsty savages (unless they've been baptized), killing all the white people. They need to stick some Hallmark in THERE, or it's gonna get real racist, real fast. We don't care for racist. Few people do anymore. Weirdly, the Cheyenne on this show speak to each other in English. Come on show, make an effort.

There are some questionable moments in the show. One example of a low point was the speech at the end of the pilot. What the heck was that? It was a bunch of nonsense, and it was crazy weird. But for every moment that hits the wrong tone, there is a moment that really grabs you. We think the kinks will get worked out. It’s AMC. We also love the music. If you’re looking for Deadwood 2.0, look elsewhere, because this show is NOT that show, and it's probably not even comparable to that show. But we like both Westerns.

The main character of this show is Cullen Bohannon, a former Confederate soldier and slaveowner, but he freed his slaves, so we are all allowed to like him. He is looking to avenge the death of his wife. Union soldiers killed her in Meridian, Mississippi. Cullen goes to “Hell on Wheels,” which is the tent city that follows the transcontinental railroad while it is being built. Cullen takes a job overseeing a crew of former slaves, even though he has no experience.

The man hiring was Mr. Johnson, a clearly racist old bastard with a crazy beard who we kind of liked, despite his doucheness. We liked him as a character. Mr. Johnson gives Cullen the job because Cullen once owned slaves. One of the black men Cullen oversees is Elam. Elam’s pretty angry about life, which is understandable, because he still feels like he’s a slave. Sure, he’s getting paid, but he’s also still getting yelled at, beaten, and overseen by former slave owners. Pretty soon though, Elam and Cullen buddy up a little, which is sweet in a bloody sort of way. You’ll see.

A little ways ahead of Hell on Wheels, there is a survey team led by a guy named Robert who has custody of all the maps. He has recently battled illness and was cared for by his sweet wife, Lily. They seem super in love, and it’s really sweet, until they get attacked by the Cheyenne in a pretty fantastic scene. Thomas “Doc” Durant is the entrepreneur getting the railroad up and running. He’s probably the worst person ever, but we love him too. What he does in the beginning of the second episode is just freaking classic. Then we meet “The Swede,” and he’s cool too. It looks like we have yet another show to watch. Sigh. Will we ever have free time again?

Episode grades: B

The Hunger Games First Full Trailer!!!

We were really worried that these movies weren't going to be as powerful or moving as the books. We both cried watching this trailer. It's so good. And no hint of Twilightness or romance obsession at all. Watch it. We will be watching it over and over and over. Why isn't it March 23rd yet?

Sidenote: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vampire Diaries Season 3 Mid-season Finale

“Homecoming”

We won’t be getting any more new episodes until January 5th. We know it hurts. We feel the same pain. However, this show isn’t one to leave us unsatisfied for a hiatus. Of course it leaves us wanting more, but we don’t feel cheated. We were pretty surprised that the show chose to kill Mikael off this early and let Klaus live keep being the Big Bad. We don’t know if we approve. Mikael had potential to be scarier. Klaus is kind of a sad whiner. All he wants is a family. Boo hoo. NOT SCARY.

It’s senior homecoming, and Elena, Damon, Stefan, and Mikael are plotting to get Klaus back to Mystic Falls, with the help of a sad, reluctant Rebecca. Elena daggers Mikael so that Stefan could call Klaus and truthfully tell Klaus that he saw Mikael daggered. Stefan is still under a compulsion, after all. Rebekah confirms that this is what happened over the phone, to Klaus. Klaus prepares to return with the hybrids he has made while he was gone.

The gang pulls the dagger out of Mikael so that he can go retrieve the big stake made out of that original white oak tree that can kill an original for good. The stake looks pretty magnificent. He kept it hidden for insurance. Elena daggers Rebekah too, in case she ends up having second thoughts about her brother. Rebekah’s reunion with her father was less than heartwarming, but Mikael seemed sad at her coldness.

Klaus returns to town and floods the high school gym so that the homecoming dance and party have to be held at Tyler’s mansion. There is a grungy looking band (My Morning Jacket) playing in the backyard, and all of Klaus’ hybrids have come to back him up. Matt and Tyler make sure Caroline is out of the action. Tyler tells Caroline that he is happy he has been made into a hybrid because he doesn’t have to transform at the full moon if he doesn’t want to anymore. Caroline doesn’t like his allegiance to Klaus, so it looks like the couple is over, for now. But we still have hope for them. What is this show even doing with Matt, at this point? Possible romance with Rebekah, maybe?

Bonnie renders Tyler unconscious so that he doesn’t have to jump into the fray on Klaus’ orders if things go wrong. Klaus contacts Stefan and asks Stefan to bring Mikael to the homecoming party. Stefan agrees, in exchange for his freedom. Stefan goes to clue Mikael and Damon in on the plan (which Katherine is also in on, by the way), and Mikael drains Stefan’s blood to keep him from interfering with Damon and Elena’s plan, because Stefan is still compelled to obey Klaus if Klaus says the right words or asks the right questions.

Mikael goes to the Lockwood party, but he can’t get into the home, because he hasn’t been invited in. That is where Klaus is. Mikael taunts Klaus about being alone, which isn’t very nice. But this is the episode where we started liking Mikael better than Klaus. Unluckily for us, it’s Mikael who ended up dead, because Stefan cared about his brother and so did Katherine. You see, if Klaus had died, Damon would have been killed next. Klaus’ hybrids had been ordered to kill Damon if anything happened to Klaus. Katherine tells Stefan this, and Stefan’s feelings for Damon wake his humanity up enough for him to act. So Stefan kills Mikael, earning his own freedom.

At some point during all of this, Katherine throws out some wolfsbane grenades toward the hybrids, and they run. It’s pretty awesome. Elena and Damon return to the Salvatore house and lament that their crafty plan failed to result in Klaus’ death. They think that Stefan is still compelled by Klaus and that Stefan betrayed them to save his new master. Damon and Elena have a moment, probably almost kiss, and agree to let Stefan go, because they are never getting him back. They get a call from Katherine, interrupting things. It was a pretty pointless phone call anyway. UGH.

Katherine confesses to Stefan that she loved both him and Damon, and that she wants to protect Stefan’s humanity. The next day, Stefan calls Klaus and lets him know that he stole all of Klaus’ coffins full of family members for revenge. Gasp! How are they going to kill Klaus now? We seriously can’t believe that we have to wait around two months for this show to come back. We hope they de-stake Rebekah and she becomes part of the gang. Elena has to make this up to her.

Episode grade: A

11/11/11, Vampire Diaries, and Redemption Day

Because it's "redemption day," we'd love it if you checked this out.

If you're not familiar with human trafficking at all, watch this short video and check out Redeem the Shadows. We know good people with that organization, and they need help spreading awareness. Here's their tumblr.

Anyway, you should also be aware that tonight at 11/11/11 at 11:11 P.M., you will have the opportunity to make the most epic wish ever. Don't let it go to waste. We intend to spend our wishes on "ten more great seasons of The Vampire Diaries."

Speaking of that show, there will be no long review of that show today, because Leeard has no computer today. If there is bad grammar and spelling, well, we can blame Leeard's lack of a computer to edit for that too. Ern will have to bring her computer to Leeard's house tomorrow and then we will get the show on the road. We will mention it in the drama shorts this weekend. (Dude, who watched Grey's Anatomy this week? Intense.)

Funny Stuff- But too bad there were no abc comedies this week :(

New Girl - “CeCe Crashes”
We were surprised that the Nick and Jess pairing that will so obviously happen was already addressed. CeCe convinced Jess that Nick has feelings for her, and this freaked Jess out a little too much. That’s not a promising start to a relationship. Schmidt spent the episode trying to “close” with CeCe, and he “succeeded” because they slept in the same bed and held hands. Aww. Actually, we see those two together.

Episode grade: B

Up All Night - “First Night Away”
Reagan and Chris find it hard to find time for sex, so they decide to go away for a night. They get a full night of sleep and some sex. Ava babysat and met Reagan and Chris’ neighbor, Kevin, a single dad. Ava and Kevin hit it off and kissed. We really liked this episode because it made great use of Maya Rudolph, who we usually love. Sometimes her character on this show can be too silly, but this week the character was funny and she fit.

Episode grade: A-

South Park - “A History Channel Thanksgiving”
This was one of the weakest recent South Park episodes, but since the show returned in the fall, it has been really strong, so saying an episode is weak by those standards isn’t much of a diss. This episode mocked The History Channel, Thor, and Thanksgiving. It also mocked people who pretend to be part Native American in order to get the benefits and cool points. The Thor and Natalie Portman stuff was pretty funny.

Episode grade: B

America’s Next Top Model - “Nikos Papadopoulos”
Question: Who the hell has Shannon as their role model? We want to SEE these letters written by young girls to Shannon, because we don’t believe that they exist. The blogger writing this entry actually is a Christian and gets made fun of by the guys in her program for dressing too conservatively and appearing “virginal.” This blogger would like to give a big “Go F yourself” to those guys. Moving on… The reason this blogger doesn’t like Shannon is the same reason Nigel was perplexed by her. It IS semantics. It’s all about whether it’s called a bathing suit or panties? Dumb. It’s morals for no reason. She just looked like a hypocrite in her season, so Shannon wanted to come back and redeem herself by continuing to stand up for morality. Unfortunately for her, the producers didn’t have anyone pose nude this time. We know the show only brought Shannon back for drama, and that’s also the reason they brought out the panties again. She was too old to win. We don’t like rules for the sake of rules. There are plenty of things to stand for without making dumb stuff up. Good riddance. Allison is one step closer.

Episode grade: B-

The Office - “Pam’s Replacement”
Only Dwight could repeatedly grab another man’s crotch and have it be totally not gay. We haven’t like Jim and Pam this much in an episode in a long time, however. They were cute and funny. Pairing these two with Dwight is always a success. If only the Robert California/Kevin/Andy/Daryl band hadn’t gotten so much attention. That wasn’t funny, but that drummer was pretty good.

Episode grade: B-

Parks and Recreation - “The Treaty”
We liked seeing Leslie go bloodthirsty for a bit, and we liked watching Ron whip Tom back into shape, but this episode just wasn’t as funny as this show usually is. It was cool to see Ann tell Chris about how she grew as a person after their relationship. The reason he gave up on her WAS because he got bored, because she had stopped being herself. If Ann can find a way to keep her sarcastic, down-to-earth personality while she is around Chris, there might be hope for them to become a couple again. And this time, to become a good one. He needs someone to mock him every once-in-a-while. Also, the moon should totally be part of the U.N.

Episode grade: B

Community - “Studies in Modern Movement”
We’re getting a little sick of the Shirley vs. Britta religion stuff. One of them needs to convert so that they stop it. Also, the Pierce stuff wasn’t very funny. But the Jeff Winger stuff was fantastic. Way to ruin that Seal song for us! Ok, who are we kidding? That song ruins itself. Guilty pleasure, though, for one of us. The Troy/Abed/Annie plot was sweet. This episode had enough laughs and sweet character moments to make it more than enjoyable.

Episode grade: B+

SAMCRO Puts On the Best Show (and comments on some other dramas this week)

American Horror Story - “Piggy Piggy”
So, school shootings are horror fodder now? We thought that opening scene was more really sad than scary. Also sad was the cutting scene. Where are Violet’s parents when she is clearly depressed and spending too much time in her room? We are really excited that Violet knows that the house is full of ghosts now, and that Tate is a ghost. This whole Tate being a dead school shooter is going to put a crimp in their love… We are also happy that Vivian is done being nice to Ben. “You’re a disappointment as a man.” Wow, haha. Harsh. Cam from Modern Family guest starred as another ghost patient, and he did a great job. We liked the new medium. We feel bad for Tate, because it seems like the murder house warped his brain and helped cause the shooting. He doesn’t remember doing it, after all.

Episode grade: B

The Walking Dead - “Cherokee Rose”
Rick begs Hershel to let everyone stay at his farm. Maggie and Glenn have sex. Lori realizes that she’s pregnant. AMC is the channel for the “slow burn,” as shown by Breaking Bad, and The Walking Dead is going for this. More action, and possibly hope and a plot arc, are probably on the way. In the meantime, people shall grumble that it’s all going slowly and sometimes it can be, at the same time, too bleak and too saccharine. But we’re still invested. We like Rick a lot. When the walker in the well split in two, one of us literally gagged and coughed a little. That was seriously disgusting. Dead guts are nastier than living guts. This show wins the award for grossest show we’ve ever seen, bar none.

Episode grade: B-

Gossip Girl - “I Am Number Nine”
Blair has a “minion-off” where her former “friends” competed for bridesmaids positions. Charlie gets lobbed into the competition when Nelly Yuki doesn’t show, and she wins the spot. Diana and Nate go public while Charlie seems to have developed feelings for him. Serena torpedoes the move deal with Dan when she realizes her boss is going to paint Dan’s character in a negative light. Louis conspires to drive Chuck back into crazytown by bribing Chuck’s therapist. It turns out the baby actually is Louis’. Louis is bad at scheming, so the therapist simply has to close her practice and Blair freaks that Louis is turning into an insecure trickster. Then, the best thing ever happened: Chuck came to Blair and apologized, sincerely, for literally everything wrong he did to her. It was pretty powerful. That scene gets an A+, but the whole episode gets a B. Chuck growing up and healing is just as interesting as Chuck the bad boy. Keep it coming.

Episode grade: B

Ringer - “Maybe We Can Get a Dog Instead”
Andrew thinks that Siobhan had a miscarriage now. Mr. Carpenter does the RIGHT thing and transfers Juliet out of his class when she comes onto him. But Juliet isn’t giving up yet… Malcolm comes to New York and Agent Machado hounds him like he’s Osama Bin Ladin (or whoever the biggest terrorist around now is). Tyler’s affair with Siobhan is over after he comes to New York and sees Bridget with his boss…and thinks it’s Siobhan. Bridget’s new sponsor is tasked with taking care of Malcolm. When Malcolm comes to Bridget for help with his drug addiction, she takes him right to her helpful sponsor. Uh oh… This episode was ok. Things are moving along. The last couple were better.

Episode grade: B-

Sons of Anarchy - “Hands”
This is going to be short, because all there is to say is “OMG” and “this was the best episode of the season so far.”

Episode grade: A

Parenthood - “In-Between”
Seth was actually on the level!!! And he made a major sacrifice for his family and did a sweet thing for his kids. We were touched by this episode. We are also starting to feel for and like Crosby again.

Episode grade: A-

Pan Am - “Truth or Dare”
This could be the best, and most fun, episode yet. The civil rights stuff was too black-and-white and “after school special,” as well-argued by this blog. However, Leeard loves Niko, and it was just a really cute episode.

Episode grade: B+

Weeds Got Renewed!

There will be a season 8 for Weeds. Thank God, because the show could NOT end the way season 7 did.

Glee: I always thought it would be me, but I secretly hoped it would be you

The PTC (a conservative watchdog group) kind of has a point this time. The PTC has a long history to objecting to the sexual activity of fictional people, but we grudgingly nod our heads to the organization regarding this episode. The sex wasn’t graphic at all. In fact, they really didn’t show anything with either couple, except an adorable shot of Blaine and Kurt with their cute little heads together. The PTC wrote, “The fact that Glee intends to celebrate children having sex is reprehensible. The gender of the high school characters involved is irrelevant.” The PTC also noted that more teenage characters are shown having sex on prime time TV than adults, and that Fox knows Glee is marketed toward teens and preteens. It might normalize high school sex for them, and it’s irresponsible to teach them that this is something they should seriously consider doing.

One of us REALLY hates that everyone has to have sex in high school on TV. Like…you don’t have to. We promise. True, some characters don’t (Angela Chase, Felicity), but most do. TV writers and producers live in the world of Hollywood, where it is all fast-paced and all about sex, all the time. That world is about getting what you want, when you want it. It’s about desire and materialism/the physical. So most of these people making the shows have had lots of sex, and a lot of it was probably casual. They want this to be seen as normal. They don’t want to be judged. So they foist their values onto the world through TV, in the hopes that they can influence the culture to think it’s not a big deal to eschew traditional morality. However, it makes it harder for teens who choose to wait until they are emotionally mature enough to handle it. They become freaks and prudes.

The episode was clear with its rules on sex. There were two very obvious plugs for using protection. Rachel even said, “Every modern girl comes prepared.” Otherwise, the writers say that it’s ok to have sex for the first time “if it feels right” and it’s special. We think high school sex is usually a bad idea, because we have BEEN in high school, and we remember what tards we were. And we were considered the smart kids. Experience is everything. In high school, you don’t know dick about life, let alone love. Hormones are in control, and really do affect the way teens think. You don’t know who you are, and you are still creating that and trying to improve your personality. You are still living with your parents. You also do things for the wrong reasons 99% of the time (to fit in, because you want to grow up fast, to get things over with, to look good, to please your parents, etc). Sex is for adults, not children. If you are in high school, you are a child. In the next four years, you will experience changes beyond anything you can currently imagine.

For the characters themselves, in a fictional world, it was the right time. No one was violating any of their values. They waited until they were in love and in a monogamous relationship, and even then, they didn’t give it up right away. Rachel hasn't been throwing herself around. And sex with Rachel is a step up for Finn, since the last girl he had sex with wasn’t exactly the love of his life. As for Kurt and Blaine? How can you go wrong after Burt Hummel’s amazing sex talk? Ryan Murphy said, “I think what it says to a lot of young gay people who are confused and ashamed is that you can get love and are worthy of love.” We like that. We are happy for these couples, and we like them together. We don't think either couple is a "forever" couple though.

This episode was definitely a return to season 1 form. There were only a few main storylines, and old storylines were revisited (Mike, Beiste). No one did anything absolutely ridiculous, except for Artie telling Rachel and Blaine that they needed to have sex in order to play people in love in their high school musical. As if, Artie. That’s ridiculous. Also, no one should be taking sex advice from Artie since he lost his virginity to Brittany, who had to pick him up out of his wheelchair like he was a lady in order to do it and called him by another name the whole time. The worst thing is that Artie was in love with Tina at the time and regretted losing it to Brittany. After rehearsals, Rachel planned to have sex with Finn.

Right before Finn closed in, Rachel hinted that she was doing it for the musical. This hurt Finn’s little feelings, and so he left the situation. Rachel consults Quinn, Santana, Brittany, and Tina and asks them all (at the same time, in one room) if she should have sex or wait. Santana says no, because she thinks Finn was bad in bed. Quinn says that she regretted losing something that she could never get back, and that it makes things more complicated. Brittany was apparently raped at camp or something, and it's really not that funny of a joke. Tina said that her first time with Mike and his abs was magical and that she has no regrets.

Finn is told by the Ohio State recruiter that his football career is over. Ouch. Finn tells Rachel, and then she has sex with him. Meanwhile, Blaine visits the Warblers, and they sing a horrible version of "Uptown Girls" to him, and it’s really gay. The new guy, Sebastian, takes a shine to Blaine and flirts with him rather aggressively. Blaine lets Sebastian know that he has a boyfriend (good, Blaine), and Sebastian invites them both to Scandals, the gay bar. At Scandals, which is a ridiculous name, Blaine gets drunk and dances with Sebastian the whole night. Kurt hangs out at the bar with Max Karofsky, who transferred to a new school for his senior year and is still in the closet. The encounter between the two is friendly. When Blaine and Kurt leave, Kurt puts Blaine in the back seat. Blaine pulls Kurt on top of him and tries to get some sexy time. Kurt gets angry, because this is clearly not the perfect scenario, and refuses. Later, they make up and have sex at Blaine’s house.

West Side Story is finally over! Yay! Now we can probably hear a song from a different musical. The Ohio State recruiter asks Beiste out on a date, with a little nudging from Artie. Mike Chang fights with his father and tells him that he is not going to be a doctor. He is going to be a professional dancer. The father is all, “You’re no longer my son.” And Mike’s all, “Then I guess I don’t have a dad anymore.” Man, mega harsh. Are Asian parents really that strict? Artie gets really controlling as director and clearly loves bossing people around, as well as giving them complexes about their sex lives. Oh Artie, you’re the worst. However, in a position of power, one of us can totally get the same way. It looks like this is one of Damian’s seven episodes, since he was in it for about a second. Cheap. The number “America” was pretty fun. It was Hispanics and Asians v. Whites and Asians. We want Santana’s red dress.

Leeard's grade: C+

Ern's grade: B

Episode grade: B-