Glee - Michael

Yes, there was a plot to recap and it mostly involved Rachel. But the episode was mostly about Michael Jackson. This was great for the show’s ratings, because plenty of people want to see MJ commemorated. We must admit we had a little fun too. Half of the songs and performances were flat and unworthy of Michael and half were really fun. We’ll get into which ones weren’t necessary. Overall though, this episode was respectful, funny, and very Glee. This show is not afraid or ashamed to just be a musical that makes no sense. We liked that the show didn’t go for the obvious songs like “Billie Jean,” “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough,” or “Beat It.” They dipped into the lesser-known hits so that a new generation can appreciate the stuff they haven’t heard.

The girls who left New Directions when they covered MJ were sad that they missed their chance to perform his songs. Everyone says, “No problem! We can cover some of his other songs for Regionals.” Blaine starts things off with “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’” and we were less than blown away. Blaine’s facial expressions are starting to annoy. Blaine foolishly tells Sebastian the plan, but Blaine gets what’s coming for that mistake. Stupidity isn’t a crime, but it pays. Good thing you’re cute, Blaine. Sebastian convinces the Warblers to do MJ at Regionals too, and the Warblers are slated to perform first.

New Directions takes the fight to the next logical step: A musical rumble in a parking garage where the groups perform “Bad” in each other’s general directions. Ugh. This song was one of the best covers used in the gayest possible way. How is singing ever going to resolve a fight if there are no judges to declare a winner? That must be what the Warblers were thinking, because Sebastian ends the whole thing by slushie-ing Blaine in the face. Blaine collapses and pules. We think he’s a sissy until New Directions figures out that this particular slushie was different. There was an ingredient in the slushie that scratched Blaine’s cornea. Ouch. Now Blaine needs eye surgery.

When the group hears Blaine’s medical news, Artie loses his shit. He starts freaking out at Mr. Schue, dissing the “it gets better” movement (ugh, that’s a good movement, Artie), and fantasizing about dancing aggressively while singing “Scream”. It’s weird and lame. Our eyebrows were raised. We don’t like that song to begin with. Die Artie. Die. Even Mike Chang’s dancing couldn’t save this embarrassment. If Glee could stop imitating music videos, we would take that as a favor. Thanks.

Full of dance-y, gay rage, the group plots revenge. Kurt takes a stand against violence, as he tends to do, so Santana takes things into her own hands. She goes to Sebastian dressed like a stripper in a top hat, or something (sidenote: whatever Ern, girl looked awesome), and they sing “Smooth Criminal” to cellos. This cover is so great that it’s justification for the entire episode. Santana tapes a tape recorder to her underboob (ha) and gets a confession out of Sebastian. He put rock salt in the slushie. Santana wants to turn this evidence over to the police. First of all, Santana, it’s illegal in many states to tape someone without their knowledge. Secondly, the regular slushie should have been enough for the police to get involved. There doesn’t need to be rock salt to have a battery.

What kind of limp-weenied cops are these? Considering the injury, there should have been consequences. The adults should have gotten a lawsuit going, at least. Santana thinks it will make all the difference if she proves that it was an irregular slushie. No, a regular slushie should have been enough. Lima, Ohio has got to be the worst town of all time. Either that or Glee doesn’t make logical sense…. Naw, Glee always makes sense.

Kurt smacks down Santana’s plan anyway. He wants to beat Sebastian at Regionals, not have Sebastian shipped off to juvie. Kurt invites Sebastian and the Warblers to the McKinley auditorium where they sing “Black and White” to the Warblers. The episode includes the face morph feature from the music video and Rory’s face is part of it. There goes another one of your episodes, Damian! Nice to see them put him to good use (major sarcasm). New Directions does such a jammin’ job that the Warblers (except for Sebastian) leap to the stage and groove with them as the magic of Michael Jackson’s music makes them forget that they are rumblin’ enemies. Kurt and Santana tell Sebastian that they have a tape of his confession, but that they are so holy they won’t turn it over to the cops. They are just going to sing the Warblers to death at Regionals. Mmhmm.

Along the way, Finn, Rachel and Kurt visit Blaine, who is in bed with an eye patch. All cornea scratches require bedrest. They sing “Ben” to him, which is not an obvious choice for an MJ episode. It’s too obscure. We also thought it was a waste of time. The words don’t fit Blaine at all. Mercedes and Sam sang "Human Nature". We love that song and it was a good cover. It’s one of the more obscure songs too, but that just makes it extra nice that Glee covered it. Mercedes and Sam kissed too! They have no chemistry, but we like their voices together and they are both decent people (by this show’s standards). So we are rooting for them.

Quinn gets into Yale and we are so excited for her. Quinn advises Rachel against marrying Finn. Quinn’s advice was half awesome and half too-cynical. We liked the bit about what really matters and Rachel’s future. We didn’t like the bit about women’s magazines saying that girls change their minds in their 30s. That’s true for a LOT of women, but not all. Plenty of people do just fine with their high school sweethearts. Overall, we agreed with Quinn, just like we did when she advised Rachel about losing her V-Card. (As usual, Rachel gets solid, mature, logical advice from Quinn, ignores Quinn, and follows her heart.) Quinn looks back on her old high school flames while singing “Never Can Say Goodbye.” She looks gorgeous, as usual.

Kurt hears that he’s a finalist for NYADA and Rachel freaks because both Kurt and Quinn are going to live their dreams. Rachel doesn’t hear from NYADA and cries in Kurt’s arms. It’s actually really sad. Lea Michele is a great crier. Burt, the best dad on TV, gives Kurt a wonderful speech about how Kurt went through so much and beat all the haters. “Today, you won,” he said. We loved the words, but it would have been better to save them for the actual win. Like, you know, when Kurt goes from finalist to “accepted student.” Seemed a bit premature.

Rachel feels like she has nothing but her boyfriend, so she accepts Finn’s proposal. They also sing “I Just Can’t Stop Loving You” and it’s boring. When she finds out that she is a finalist for NYADA too, her face tells us that she regrets saying yes. There will be drama…. All-in-all, the reason we are still watching Glee is the musical element, so we are glad the show included so many MJ songs and so little stupid plot. Glee has a tendency to juggle too many stories in one episode, so only having about four or five was a nice change. They had to make time for the songs.

Episode grade: B+

Because were we not entertained?