Blog on Hiatus until the 15th of December- and some ANTM thoughts

Things just got real, schoolwise. So we are going to have to not be watching TV/addicted to the internet for about a week. There will be no need for you guys to come back until December 15th. Go! Live your lives! Take notes for which episodes you would like to have reviewed, and we will do them late/when we get back. Put the requests in the comments, and we will do "better late than never" posts.

America's Next Top Model broke our hearts last night by not picking Allison, but Lisa is a good second choice. We actually really like Lisa and think she deserves to be the "All Star." Allison just should have won her first season, period. Why was Angelea disqualified? The internet is saying that it's because she revealed the competition results on Facebook. Does that mean Angelea originally won? We don't know, but we think that would have been a mistake. Lisa and Allison were our top two. Allison is a strong model and a cool person, but it's an extrovert's world, especially on reality TV. We hope Allison gets some real jobs. Lisa needed this win to continue her career. We don't think Allison does, with those eyes.

Tyra knows nothing. Her ridiculous Pot Ledom, Tookie, and stupid ideas this season proved that. Our favorite never wins and usually gets runner up or top three. The fact that Tyra didn't pick Allison means that Allison is the best.

Glee - Hold Onto Sixteen

In this picture, Artie should totally be saying "TIMMY."

Quinn is cured! By Rachel, of all people. Yes, it was “redeem Rachel week,” which we are all for. But let’s back up. At the beginning of the episode, Quinn went up to Rachel and told her that Shelby and Puck had a root fest. Rachel agreed that Shelby was wrong for doing that, but she countered that Puck was 18 and that Beth loves her mom. If Shelby gets deemed an unfit parent, it will “ruin Beth’s life.” Sweet little point there, Rachel. Quinn seems to listen, but she is resolved to get Beth back and probably get revenge on Shelby for doling out all those harsh truths about life and then acting with no wisdom in her own decisions.

McKinley High is hosting Sectionals this year, but New Directions is still nervous, despite the whole thing happening on their own turf. That’s a decent psychological advantage. Having lost their star, Rachel, the club feels that it needs Sam Evans back. Rachel and Finn go to Kentucky to retrieve him, because his new town actually isn’t that far away from Lima. Sam is working as a male stripper for all the middle-aged ladies who hang at a place called “Stallions.” These are probably the same people who are The Twilight Moms. We weren’t aware that Sam was 18. Although, that’s Kentucky, armpit of America, so they probably don’t care one way or another. Heh. If you’re from Kentucky and you’re offended by that, go get that cousin you married to comfort you. We’ll wait.

Rachel gave Sam a dollar that she got from Finn (way to perpetuate the “Jews are cheap” stereotype, Rachel), and Sam meets them in his dressing room. He says that he made $60 in 15 minutes, which is a lot more than he can make for his family at Dairy Queen. The three then went to Sam’s parents’ VERY NICE, BIG house and talked them into letting Sam go back to Ohio and live with them. Sam’s parents realize that this is what Sam really wants and they let him go. One less mouth to feed? How will they get by without the Stallions income when they clearly spend everything they get on a big house anyway? Oh whatever. These are the times Glee never makes any sense, and we are happy enough to have Sam back, that we will excuse a lot.

Meanwhile, Kurt and Blaine go to their gay little coffee shop and Sebastian shows up to hit on Blaine again. When Blaine leaves their immediate vicinity, Sebastian and Kurt have a little fight where Sebastian makes it clear that he thinks Kurt is unattractive and that he, Sebastian, is after Blaine. As if that wasn’t clear before. It totally was. Kurt counters with, “You smell like Craigslist.” Kurt FTW. Everyone meets back at the rehearsal room and sings Toby Keith’s “Red Solo Cup” with Sam. That was a weird song. It sounded like it came from Kentucky. We’ve decided that it was so bad it was good.

After rehearsal, Quinn met up with Sam and said that she didn’t appreciate him before, and that she wants him back. Yeah, that’s very attractive to a guy, Quinn. Sam is over it. He tells Quinn to enjoy her youth, which came out of nowhere for us, but we quickly got used to it, because that turned out to be the episode’s major theme. Mike Chang and his dad are back! We thought that storyline was a one-time thing, but it keeps coming back. Mike caved and only applied to Stanford for pre-med. Tina is concerned that Mike is giving up his dreams and voices this concern. Mike is really mean back.

Kids reading this: we would like you to know that your parents don’t have to know your major until you graduate and it’s too late. You can minor or double major too. Your parents don’t have access to your grades and generally are NOT THERE to see you doing whatever the hell you want. That’s the beauty of college. Take advantage of it. It’s your life, and college is when you get to do whatever you want. Also, colleges don’t have “pre-law” or “pre-med” majors. Major in whatever you want, get good grades, blow the standardized tests out of the water, and then apply to the graduate school you need to go to.

Sam’s plan to win Sectionals involves swiveling pelvises and air-sexing. Blaine really hates this. We mean really hates it. He goes into a rage and says that he’s “not for sale” and basically calls Sam a gigolo. The two nearly fight, but Finn breaks it up. Blaine is in the gym, punching a bag. He would have looked sexy, but he still has his head all lubed up. Finn tracks Blaine down and Blaine explains that he took up boxing after being bullied at his old school. Then he says, “I started a fight club at Dalton, which, obviously, I can’t talk about.” We loved that line, because we love Fight Club more than most things in life. Finn fixes things by admitting to Blaine that he’s been jealous of Blaine, and that now he just wants to win or something.

Sam finds Mercedes and tells her that he’s coming after her, no matter how big her boyfriend is. Mercedes is clearly charmed. Tina visits Mike’s dad with a video of his son in West Side Story, and she tries to make the dad see reason. Way to overstep, girlfriend who is not part of the family. She ends her plea with, “You know, you’re always talking about honor, Mr. Chang. Help your son honor his gift.” Honor? Who is this? The dad from Mulan? Speaking of which: when are they going to perform "I'll Make a Man Out of You"?

At Sectionals, the Unitards perform first. Sadly, they do not wear Unitards, so we have no idea why they are called The Unitards. That group features Lindsay Pearce and she sang “Buenos Aires” from Evita. She sounds fantastic. It’s a perfect song for her voice, even though it’s not a winning number. The Troubletones are next, with a mash-up of “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child and “I Will Survive.” They do weird arm movements that must count as a dance. New Directions go for Michael Jackson, Janet Jackson, and the Jackson 5, singing “ABC”, “Control”, and “Man in the Mirror.” Those were ok, but not at all winning material, we thought. Mike Chang’s dad shows up to see his son perform.

New Directions win, even though we think they should have gotten third. Mike Chang’s dad caves and tells Mike to do what he wants. Rachel comes back to school. Quinn tells Shelby that she knows about the nasty Puck affair. Shelby complains about being old. Quinn is supposed to cherish her youth and not crave her baby, or something. Rachel tells Quinn that if Quinn rats Shelby out, Quinn will regret it forever. Quinn listens and becomes a nice human again. Quinn gets Rachel and Mr. Schue to agree to let the Troubletones sing one solo number per competition, so the two groups merge again.

They sing “We are Young,” which was sweet enough that we downloaded it. We actually liked all the unity and Quinn/Rachel being friends. The episode had a nice season-one tone. This was definitely a good one. We are glad that the crazy Quinn and Troubletones plotlines are over. This episode loses points for the three lame New Directions songs and "Red Solo Cup". It was relieving to see everyone acting like normal humans and not making insane, mean decisions. We like when the good guys on this show occasionally act like good guys.

Episode grade: B+

How I Met Your Mother - Symphony of Illumination

The How I Met Your Mother midseason finale was funny, emotional, and exactly where we wanted to go, plotwise. Leeard would like the world to know that Ted is her soulmate. She honestly thinks she might be The Mother. Even Ern has a newfound love for Ted after his sweet act to cheer up Robin and his voiceover. When Robin cried, it made us teary-er than this show has ever made us. There is something about seeing her break down that gets us.

The episode started off with Robin talking to her future children, telling them about their father, who she says is Barney. This is significant. And awesome. Robin was telling the kids Barney’s reaction when she revealed her pregnancy news. He made bad jokes and got punched a couple of times. Robin told Barney that she was a week late, that she was never late, and that she and Kevin had not yet engaged in the nasty.

We loved Barney’s initial reaction. He was excited and ready to have a baby. That is, until he sees one of his old drinking buddies as a miserable family man. Insane Dwayne (now “Sane Dwayne”) has four kids, drinks but doesn’t visit bars, and is shushed by his wife in public. Barney and Robin go to the doctor, where they find out that Robin isn’t pregnant and do a funny celebration dance. Very cute, but probably stolen off of Maury. Later, Robin receives another call from her doctor and is informed that she can’t have children. At all. Ever.

Robin never wanted kids, but she realized that she had always relied on the possibility that she could if she changed her mind. Robin becomes visibly depressed, but doesn’t want to tell her friends why. Good friends that they are, they notice. They try to figure it out, not fully buying Robin’s “I discovered I am too tall to be on Canada’s Olympic pole-vaulting team” story. As Robin wanders the winter streets, she reveals that the children her voiceover addresses are fictional. We literally gasped. Fooled us, show.

She gets back to her apartment to find a Christmas light show set to “Highway to Hell,” crafted by Ted, whose job it is to always cheer his friend up. Too sweet. The weird, lamer B-plot involved Marshall decorating his house in Long Island but getting trapped on the roof by a neighbor boy who wants a free house to party in. What a waste of Jason Segal, and what a bratty, child porn-making bratface. Overall though, we really enjoyed this episode. We are glad Robin isn’t having a baby. Now we wish she would gain her weight back and grow her hair out again. Her face is still looking haggard. She needs that extra 15 pounds.

Episode grade: B+

Gossip Girl - Riding in Town Cars with Boys

The Gossip Girl midseason finale sort of repeated old storylines. There has been a cliffhanger where we wonder if Chuck is dead before. The show would get major points if they actually killed him off, because it would shock us. We truly doubt that he will die. But will physical therapy, being in critical condition, and Blair’s grief over (inevitably) losing her baby push him back to the dark side? The car accident’s main purpose, we believe, is to end Blair’s pregnancy, because a pregnant Blair just doesn’t jive with the show’s glamour vibe.

The show dangled Dan’s baby in front of us, and just when we started to think it was cute, the show took baby Milo away. We think watching Chuck and Blair become parents would be adorable and entertaining. They are the endgame, and it’s getting tiresome watching them break up and get back together, only to break up again. With just the two of them in bliss, things get boring, as we saw in season three. They had an unhealthy relationship too, and it was still boring. If the show threw in the wrench of a baby, it might bring the couple the storylines they need for the show to sustain this relationship.

Let’s go back to the beginning real quick. Charlie has a debut party, but she can’t enjoy the planning process because Max is still in town, calling Charlie and trying to get someone in the press to publish his story about how she’s not who she claims to be. Nate turns him down. Tripp returns, upset that Grandpa Vanderbilt has chosen Nate as “the future of the family,” which is totally creepy. Get out, Nate! Get out! Tripp meets up with Max and they plot together. Then Max leaves town.

The paparazzi are consumed with tracking down Blair and confirming the status of her relationship with Louis. Blair can’t wear her engagement ring, because pregnancy blew her fingers up like a balloon. If the paparazzi see her without her ring, they will assume the worst! So Blair goes to Dan’s apartment to hide out. Dan has prepared to confess his love to Blair to get his feelings out and get closure, but he realizes this is selfish. Serena, who has started having feelings for Dan again, yells at Dan for even considering adding himself into Blair’s mix, when Blair’s choices are already difficult.

Meanwhile, Serena plots to bring Louis to Blair so that she (Serena) can have a shot at Dan. Dan decides to help Chuck and Blair reconcile, so he brings them both to a secret room at Charlie’s party. Chuck tells Blair that he will love her child as much as he loves Blair. For about a half an hour, Chuck and Blair are happy. Even though we knew there would be a twist to ruin everything, we took that small second to scream "FINALLY" and be satisfied. We love them so much. Serena is impressed with Dan’s selflessness, but Dan is too hung up on Blair and busy reflecting on the meaning of his life or something to notice Serena’s puppy-dog eyes.

We would like to congratulate the show for allowing Serena to do something selfish AND for allowing her to realize that she needs to be with Dan. The Dan/Serena relationship was one of the healthiest ever to grace our televisions, and we would like to see them as endgame. We will also settle for Nate and Serena, but we think that’s the poorer choice. Serena just isn’t in love with Nate enough. In our wildest dreams, they would bring Jenny back and Nate would end up with her. But we know THAT isn’t going to happen. That little brat, Taylor Momsen, burned all those bridges. She’s a better singer than an actress anyway.

Sidenote: We’d also like to mention Lily’s sweet moment where she tells Chuck that she will love him unconditionally and that if scotch and partying aren’t enough to comfort him, Lily will be there. That moment made us forgive Lily for sending an innocent man to prison and failing to get properly punished for it. Lily has grown up. Her marriage with Rufus is stable, she is with Rufus in the first place, and she is finally acting like a real mother.

But back to the main plot. Charlie worries that Max is going to spill her secret to one of the reporters at the party, so she ruins her own party by tipping off Gossip Girl to the fact that Chuck and Blair are there, together. The paparazzi swarm, no one cares about Charlie anymore, and Chair have to run for it. They don’t want Louis to find out that his engagement is off through paparazzi pictures. They decide to go find Louis and tell him that the wedding is off in person. Three motorcycles chase them with cameras and their driver can’t handle it. We watch as art imitates life, and Chuck and Blair end up in a car accident.

At the hospital, Nate, Serena, Charlie, Rufus, and Lily tensely await news of Chuck and Blair’s fate. Blair wakes up, but Chuck… Lily couldn’t finish her sentence. She just cried. It’s a coma or critical condition or something. Uncle Jack hears about Chuck’s accident and calls Diana Payne, and they agree to meet in New York City as soon as possible. We guess we will find out what that is about. Charlie blames herself for the accident and realizes that she doesn’t want to fool these people anymore. She almost comes clean to Rufus, but she is interrupted. Instead, she just decides to leave New York. She calls Carol and tells her that she is done pretending to be family.

We know that Charlie/Ivy will be back very soon, and we are a little happier about that than we would normally be. Her conscience and willingness to give up the sweet life humanized her and made her more sympathetic to us. We are ready to see where she fits onto this show as an honest person. Also, her dress was fabulous in this episode, as was Serena’s. Blair’s? Not so much. So it’s bye bye to the show until January 16th. Hopefully all of the Diana/Nate/Uncle Jack/real Charlie mysteries pan out in the coming year.

Episode grade: B+

Homeland - Representative Brody

Carrie’s lead that she got from the Imam’s wife led her to a Saudi diplomat, Al Zahrani. This guy is a both in debt and a secret gay. The CIA got bathhouse photos and this is major leverage against a respected Muslim man. Carrie and Saul then experienced opposition from the State Department, which didn’t want to violate a diplomatic immunity agreement with Saudi Arabia. David Estes told Carrie and Saul to interrogate Zahrani anyway, and he wants Carrie to do the actual interrogating. Saul tells Carrie, “Eviscerate the mother***er.” We find this to be a bad-ass phrase.

The vice president visits Brody and asks him to run for Congress. When Brody tells Jessica that the VP came over, her first reaction was, “But the house is a mess!” Haha. Brody doesn’t even really have to think about it. He really wants to do it, however Jessica does not. She has good reasons: the media will dig and find out about their affairs. That’s what happened to Herman Cain recently. And pretty much every other politician who ever had an affair. The family just started getting along again and if he took this offer, Brody would not be able to spend enough time with them.

We aren’t sure how Jessica knows about Brody’s affair with Carrie. Either he told her or Jessica figured it out when Carrie came to visit early that one morning. Brody calls Carrie and asks to meet with her, because he wants to talk her into keeping her mouth shut when he runs for office. Carrie misinterprets the message and starts preparing for the “date.” Poor Carrie!

Upon Brody’s arrival, Carrie figures out that Brody’s intentions are less than romantic. The bright side? We get to see Claire Danes’s excellent crying skills. Brody also goes to Mike and convinces him to talk to Jessica. Jessica is weirded out by this, but in the end she tells Brody that he can run for Congress, as long as she never loses him again. He promises that won’t happen, and they smooch. The next day, Brody dresses up in uniform and publically announces his candidacy. Carrie, you should totally rat.

During the interrogation of Zahrani, Carrie comes through by threatening to have his daughter deported back to Saudi Arabia to “get fat and wear a burqua for the rest of her miserable life.” Zahrani has been enjoying Western culture and the opportunities it affords his children, so he admits that he is an information source for Nazir. He agrees to set up a meeting with Tom Walker in Farragut Square. But things in the square don’t go as planned. Walker doesn’t show up.

Instead, a homeless guy was sent by Walker with a package that turns out to be a bomb. BOOM. The blast blows Carrie back and kills several citizens, including Zahrani. Carrie lives, naturally, but spends some time in the hospital. This convinces Saul that there is a mole in the agency, because there is no other way Walker would have been prepared. Of course there is a mole. Anyone previously involved with 24 can’t make a season without at least one mole. The mole is totally Saul!

This episode had a good ending and we liked the surprise violence on an otherwise talky and moody show. But this episode wasn't as interesting as previous entries and a lot of the mystery is gone. Also, the first half of the episode was a little slow. This could have been 30 minutes, not 47. Now it's all about catching a mole and a terrorist, which is a lot like what 24 was based on. And we've already seen that show. We need more Carrie and Brody face-offs. Maybe an affair relapse is in order?

Episode grade: B

Once Upon a Time - The Shepherd

Prince Charming/David Nolan takes center stage after his release from the hospital. Henry informs us that the curse isn’t working on him yet. Because of his amnesia, he can’t remember his Enchanted Forest life, but the false Storybrooke memories aren’t there either. Emma’s appearance blocks them for the time being. Can he lose his amnesia and figure out who he is before Regina’s curse can sink in? No. Because it’s this show, and they aren’t giving us the happy endings anytime soon. One of us is bummed by this tradition (as is a commenter) and the other of us is fine with it. As long as good wins out EVENTUALLY, and it will, it's fine.

Regina and Kathryn bond at David’s homecoming party. Kathryn states that she is Regina’s friend, whether Regina likes it or not. As ominous as this is, we were a little happy. Regina needs a friend. We know we are supposed to feel bad for her a little bit. It’s going to be harder after this episode though. David ditches his homecoming party to find Mary Margaret. Mary Margaret gives us one of the best lines of the episode when David says, “Don’t tell me this is one-sided.” She says, “You’re married. It should be no-sided.” Ha. Mary Margaret can’t deny her feelings though, so she asks Emma for advice. Emma says that if you think something you want is wrong, it probably is. That's great advice.

The next day, David leaves Kathryn and tells Mary Margaret to make her decision. Swoon. We wouldn’t have been able to resist. He tells Mary Margaret to meet him at the toll bridge at eight at night if she wants to be with him. Emma tells Mary Margaret that David is fair game now, because he made a clear choice by leaving Kathryn. Umm, what happened to our family show? The ratings have been good partially because parents are watching it with their kids. It is a moral quandary. Is “clear choice” the highest law? Would it have been right for David and Mary Margaret to be together if things progressed as they expected?

The moral grey areas were sidestepped when David bumps into Regina. This sends him to Mr. Gold’s shop where he sees a windmill replica that once belonged to his Storybrooke self. This triggers the curse and David remembers loving and choosing Kathryn. He goes to Mary Margaret and says that while he has feelings for her and doesn’t know whether he loves Kathryn anymore, he has to honor his choice. He says it’s the right thing to do. Mary Margaret replies that the right thing to do would not involve leading her on in the first place. Word. So Kathryn is not really David’s wife, because all of his memories of her are fake and planted by the curse. He didn’t marry Kathryn and she didn’t marry him, although she thinks he did. There is no choice to honor, but our heroes don’t know that.

Mary Margaret goes to the diner to cry. Dr. Whale shows up to buy her a drink and be debonair and whatnot. Mary Margaret gives Dr. Whale another chance. This was probably smart of Mary Margaret, because it seems that Dr. Whale is the only available man in town. Even Sheriff Graham is taken…by Regina. Emma catches him sneaking out of Regina’s house and Emma is ticked. It’s pretty clear that Emma wanted Graham for herself. Understandable. All-in-all, sad goings-on in Storybrooke. Curvygirl will not be pleased.

In the fairytale world, we found out Prince Charming’s backstory, and it was interesting. It turns out the king and queen couldn’t bear children. Rumpelstiltskin made a deal with a farmer (to save the struggling farm) and took one of the farmer’s twin boys and gave it to the royal family. King George raised his fake prince, and the boy grew up to be a dragon slayer. The other twin grew up with his parents on the farm and his dad passed away after a few years, from guilt, apparently. The grown up prince dueled a brute and killed him to prove to King Midas, who was visiting King George’s kingdom, that he could kill a dragon ravaging Midas’s kingdom. In return, King Midas would save King George’s kingdom from financial ruin.

Yes, we did say King Midas. He isn’t really a fairy tale character, now is he? How do we feel about the inclusion of any kind of mythical character in this show? We’re not sure yet. It could provide an opportunity for more interesting characters and lesser-known stories. The prince seemed to kill the brute, saying, “Next time make sure I’m really dead.” Which makes no sense, because there would be no next time. BUT the brute wasn’t really dead and stabbed the prince in the back when Midas wasn’t looking. Take your own advice, prince dude. We were not sad that fake prince died, because, clearly, he was stupid.

King George (who is Alan Dale from LOST, Ugly Betty, and more) freaks out, because his deal with Midas includes a live son slaying the dragon. King George sends for Rumpelstiltskin, who is unable to speak without raising and moving his creepy hands most of the time. This actor might be having a little too much fun with the character. Rumpelstiltskin reveals that there is an identical twin somewhere on a poor farm that he can go fetch. Rumpelstiltskin goes to the other twin, who is a shepherd as well as a farmer, and persuades him to take the prince’s place. The farm is still failing, so the shepherd takes the job on. Also, he wants to save the kingdom as well, because he’s nice. From shepherd to royalty. It's all very "King David."

The shepherd (who is the real prince/David/guy who falls in love with Snow White, duh) goes with the king’s men to slay the dragon. The king’s men are told to kill the dragon themselves, because the new prince is untrained (and needs to stay alive). The prince is supposed to be the one to bring the dragon’s head to Midas. This doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to us. If one of King George’s men slays the dragon, that should fulfill the deal, right? Because the shepherd turns out to be as brave as his dead brother and quite a bit smarter, he actually kills the dragon. With a sword and not a slingshot.

Midas is impressed and offers his daughter’s hand in marriage. She is the fairy-world version of Kathryn, and her name there is Abigail. She’s a way bigger jerk when she was raised as a princess. In Storybrooke, Kathryn is nice. Maybe. So far. The shepherd wants to marry for love and choose his own bride, but King George threatens the shepherd's mother. The shepherd agrees to the marriage and goes to say goodbye to his mother for the last time. We would have been sad, but that mom is a monster who gave away one of her children for money. So…yeah…we weren’t sad. Farm Momma gave the shepherd a ring and told him true love would always follow it.

The shepherd and Abigail set off to Midas’ kingdom where Snow White was ready to ambush them. And that’s how it all happened, we guess. We are miffed that, once again, we don’t know the prince’s fairytale name. James is a fake name. And we’re not calling anyone Prince Charming anymore. We’re annoyed that the Midas deal didn’t totally make sense. Why did it have to be a replacement prince? For the kingdom’s morale? Some sort of exposition was needed there. But, overall, we liked the prince's twisty backstory.

Episode grade: B

Gossip Girl - Rhodes to Perdition

Proving that we listen to commenters and we take requests, we took a study break long enough to write about the last Gossip Girl episode. We’ll probably go ahead and throw in this Monday’s finale too, because Gossip Girl finales are usually eventful.

Less eventful was this penultimate episode. It dealt with Charlie a lot. This show is trying to make her a little sympathetic, because she wants a family and had no dad or something.

But it’s really hard to forgive the fact that she is stealing and tricking everyone. Plus, what kind of psycho wants someone else’s family. And what kind of psycho wants THE RHODES-HUMPHREYS, one the worst, most dysfunctional families on TV.

So it’s hard to care about all the Charlie stuff. We don’t think she is going to be a permanent fixture on the show and we don’t care about her. It all seems like a distraction or a waste of time. It was more interesting to see Blair trying to figure out the secret of Chuck’s newfound mental and emotional help. When Blair finds out that Chuck started making real progress when he dropped the ring off at Harry Winston, Blair assumes that she was the reason for Chuck’s darkness, rather than the other way around.

Because he's awesome now, and he won't torture Blair just for the sake of it anymore. Chuck makes it clear that she is wrong. Then Chuck commiserates with Nate over how he has become the man for Blair just in time for her to marry someone else. He says he can’t imagine a time when he won’t love her. This was so beautiful. Our hearts grew three sizes that day….

Dan goes on Twitter pretending to be a random fan of his book. A Dan lover. Pathetic. Of course Dan is his own number one fan. He's alienated the other contender for that title: his dad. Dan goes online to do this in response to a Twitter hater who turns out to be his agent, Alessandra, trying to get him talked about. It works when Katy Perry retweets their online feud.

One of Nate’s reporters finds out that Tripp’s deceitful wife, Maureen, is cheating on him. Nate figures out that she is faking an affair in order to win Tripp sympathy and bolster his career. Nate finds a classy way to address this on his news site but keep everyone anonymous at the same time. We like Nate, but having him be classy AND run a gossip site doesn't really make sense. What gossip can he print and still be classy? Is he going to just be a regular news site? There aren't really a lack of news publications in New York City.

CeCe (oh, hey, another person who don’t care about at all) came to town with cancer again (the only way to keep this woman interesting). Ivy finds out and gains CeCe’s trust by keeping the cancer a secret. She uses all the new trust to run Max out of town and get the whole family to back her against him and believe her crazy stories. Serena now believes that Max was just using her to get to Charlie, and she is all grateful to Charlie for trying to protect her.

Blahblahblah. We hate Charlie, CeCe, and Aunt Carol, although we do want to know what really went down with the real cousin Charlie. And CeCe is looking good lately. What a pretty older woman. We also love CeCe's insistence on calling Charlie "Charlotte." But why does CeCe get to have a nickname? Should she go by Cecilia, since she is so traditional she can't use "Charlie"?

We have high hopes for the finale. Once again, watching Chuck heal is just as fascinating as watching him get hurt and be a bad boy. We love when TV characters experience growth. That was one of the things we loved about Sex and the City, for example. The four girls started out a maniac, a shallow one-night-stand addict, a workaholic, and a woman who was only interested in living out romantic, perfect fantasies rather than finding a real person. If you’ve seen that show, you know how drastically those women changed and it was a very deliberate journey for each of them, crafted carefully by the writers.

We really want Gossip Girl to do something like that with all of its characters. These kids need to grow up. Having Nate classily running a business and Chuck facing his demons is a great start. Now what about whiny/self-righteous Dan, naïve/victim Serena, and jealous/shallow Blair? Let the journeys progress, even if yoga masters must be included.

Episode grade: B-

Drew and Astro Leave The X-Factor

We mourn for Drew. She was one of our favorites. That was a shocker. Melanie is better though.

American Horror Story - Spooky Little Girl

Oh this stupid show. So entertaining, yet so bats*** insane. It’s what gets Ern up on a Thursday morning. The alarm rings, and Ern doesn’t want to get out of bed, because there is studying to do. As a compromise, she turns on AHS and gets back in her bed. By the end of the episode, Ern is usually fully awake and sometimes pretty annoyed. The antichrist stuff has GOT to go. We were all wondering how this show was going to top itself since it started being outrageous from the get-go. Everything needs a grand finale. What, is the house going to cave in and reveal the mouth of hell? Ryan Murphy said we shouldn’t necessarily trust that what a character said is true. We hope this is one of those cases.

We hope there is an endgame for this show that is worth it. We recently read that, in the next episode, we will find out whether Violet is dead, so we are looking forward to that. We will also get to find out Larry’s whole story and why Tate shot up his school, including what influence he was under, if any. So next week is not a week to miss for this show’s fans. We count ourselves as two of them.

The episode opened with a flashback to 1947. Mena Suvari, playing the Black Dahlia (hereafter known as BD), walks up to the murder house to get a cavity filled. Yep, a creepy dentist used to live in the house, played by Joshua Malina. The dentist puts BD under and has sex with her unconscious body (classy). She ends up dead, and the good doctor Frankenstein ghost helps the dentist chop BD up. The dentist disposes of the body in a yard.

Moira has upped her slut game but Ben continues to resist her, even with Vivian stuck in the psych ward. Moira lets Constance know that Tate impregnated Vivian. Constance is upset by this. She wants Ben to get her son his mental health back, even though he is dead and that ship has sailed. Can ghosts heal their crazy? Travis and Constance argue, sending Travis straight into Ghost Hayden’s arms/bed. Hayden wanted to see if she could still have sex with someone who is alive. Hayden’s sister arrives with a cop, looking for her Hayden. Hayden shows up at that exact moment to get Ben out of trouble and suspicion (temporarily). When the cop and sister leave, Hayden tells Ben that she is back in her right mind, that she got an abortion, and that Ben need not worry anymore.

Ben gets a visit from BD, who informs him that she needs a shrink but can only pay in sex. Vivian’s doctor calls Ben and tells him that Vivian’s twins have two fathers. This is a real thing that can happen. It’s very rare, but if a woman has sex with two different men in a 48-hour period when she is ovulating, she can conceive two babies, one for each father. So one baby is the Tate/Demon baby and one is Ben’s. Moira and BD start making out on the couch in order to seduce Ben, which doesn’t work. He fires Moira (yeah, like that’s going to keep her out) and sends BD away.

Ben visits his wife and reads her the riot act for cheating and then acting all self-righteous. Vivian is drugged, so she can’t respond. Back home, Ben tells Hayden that they “weren’t meant to be” so Hayden makes up a story that Vivian slept with the hunky, black security guard, Luke. Well THAT theory will be effectively disproved when both babies come out white. For now, Ben buys it. He calls Luke over. Luke informs Ben that his sperm can’t make babies. Ben starts to believe that Vivian is telling the sane truth about being raped, and he asks Moira about it. As Moira exits the house, in the doorway, she lets Ben see her “old woman form” and congratulates Ben on “finally beginning to see things as they are.” Yay!

Constance asks Travis to marry her, telling him that his acting career will never happen. He gets angry and runs back to Hayden’s bed. Hayden gets stabby on him, murdering him after sex. That’s what he gets for not taking care of Hayden’s needs and running off. They are even now. “Would you mind finishing yourself?” is never an acceptable question to ask after sex. The ghosts get Larry to dispose of Travis’ body, all cut up like BD’s. We guess that Ryan Murphy is an equal-opportunity butcherer. He will maim a man’s body along with a woman’s. We respect that, in a weird way.

Constance goes to visit Vivian, and Vivian tells her that she was raped, but she is trying to pretend that she doesn’t believe she was anymore. Vivian wants out of the nasty psych ward. We would too. Constance goes home and asks Billie Dean the Medium what happens when ghosts and humans mate, just to see what sort of grandchild she can expect. That’s when Billie Dean tells Constance about a box the Catholic Pope has. Inside the box are details about the antichrist. Apparently, he will be born of a human and a spirit, like Jesus, only the wrong version. This child will usher in the end of times. Ugh.

Episode grade: B-

Back to studying...

Glee - "I Kissed a Girl"

Ugh. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. This show is so insane. We can only watch one or two Tuesday night show, because of exams (which end December 14th, by the way, in case this is annoying you and you want to see the light at the end of our blog-slacking tunnel), and we chose Glee. We should have picked Parenthood, Ringer, New Girl (which one of us will be watching), or Sons of Anarchy, because Glee just hacked us off anew.

What we liked:

Sue's booty call list.

Burt Hummel won the election. He should win everything. The nicest things should happen to Burt Hummel. We should make him king. Of the world.

Santana’s Abuela rejecting her. Santana’s parents were cool with it and Burt was more than cool with Kurt’s sexuality. But the reality is that a lot of really old people are whack and care more about appearances than truth. At least the Abuela was honest about her real reasons for throwing Santana out. When Santana said, “I am the same person I was one minute ago,” it broke our hearts a little.

While Santana’s meanness was a little too much last episode, it was well-placed and understandable in this one. Santana was never going to react well to kindness from Finn and the others. She has been mean to them. They call it “killing them” with kindness for a reason. It’s heaps of burning coals.

We like any P!nk song, really, so covering “Perfect” was fine, even though the boys butchered it. We also liked that they slowed down “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” and that Santana melted a little during it.

Shelby realized her mistake in sleeping with Puck quickly and threw him out. It’s hard to hate her.

“Fetus Face.”

"While there's nothing I'd love more than having two pretty ponies serenade me, I think we'd get further staging a gel-ervention for Blaine than singing lady music." … "I'm trying, but your hideous bowties are preventing me." Thank you, Santana. Why is Blaine’s style icon Tucker Carlson?

“You're higher maintenance than Berry and pretty much the most selfish person I ever met in my life. So, thanks for the offer but I'd rather raw-dog a beehive." – Puck

"The advantage of a relationship with a younger dude is that I've still got four more rounds in me before I need a steak sandwich and a Coke Zero."- Puck, again

What was insane:
Once again, Damian McGinty was on this episode, but they only showed him for about two seconds. Way to cheat a kid out of his seven episodes rather than write him a likeable, memorable character.

We’re sick of Kurt’s autotuned harmony ruining perfectly good Blaine solos. Give them each their own songs from now on. We enjoy Kurt’s solos, for the most part. We don’t think they go well together. Just look at last season’s “Candles.” Bleck.

Rachel is not that stupid. She would have known that she had to empty some ballots from the other box in order to succeed.

PUCK YOU IDIOT. Why would you tell Quinn about sleeping with Shelby. And on that note, YOU SLEPT WITH SHELBY. Puck knew Quinn was crazy and still told her a secret that could hurt the person that QUINN IS TRYING TO HURT. Honestly, all of these characters are so stupid sometimes that they deserve to die.

We’ve gone so long without a substantial, powerhouse Rachel solo that it is physically hurting us. West Side Story was too high and sweet for her. Give her Babs to sing and call it a day. When Rachel announced that she is banned from Sectionals, she might as well have said, “Hey Ern and Leeard, there is now no reason for you to tune in for Sectionals.” Leeard has already been disliking this new season; this development doesn't help.

While one of the five best female voices we’ve ever heard in our lives is sidelined, Finn gets a solo. With harmony from Artie. This is hell.

Finn’s sincerity was just too much. His campaign to stop Santana from killing herself felt patronizing and after-school-special-y. His support came out of nowhere and his speech about how awesome she is just felt manipulative.

Must Glee cover every Katy Perry song ever written? We get that they are popular, upbeat, catchy, and rife with opportunities for harmonies, however there are other songs like that. The Glee writers need to get Pandora and just listen to it 24/7 for a month. We'll pay for the upgrade, even.

We couldn’t care less about the Sue/Cooter/Beiste triangle. That’s the least titillating or romantic triangle of all time. The Cooter thing was cute when he was into Beiste, but that’s one of the storylines that just should have gotten dropped after that. We wanted to think of them as just dating, forever, until there was a wedding. That way, Beiste would be happy and Will would never have to pity kiss her again.

“Jolene” is one of the best songs of all time, so ruining it is nearly unforgivable. "Constant Craving" was boring (even if it was the best song this week), and so was “I’m the Only One.”

It just seemed like they were back to throwing crazy plots against the wall and seeing what sticks. It should set up a bunch of stuff, but it drove us crazy. Please, show, use Rachel before you lose her. Make her sympathetic again. Let her sing a big song at least every other episode. Make her gain a little weight so that her face is pretty again. Force her to grow out those harsh bangs. Get her away from Finn. We think a certain commenter's Finn hate is rubbing off on us (well, one of us).

Episode grade: C

Pretty Little Liars renewed for a third season...plus a taste of what's to come

Pretty Little Liars has been renewed for a third season, consisting of 24 episodes. The second half of season two starts on January 2nd, and an official description gave us the following info:

• The story will pick up one month from the events in the summer finale (there's a one-month time jump since the four girls were arrested)
• Emily "has been iced out completely"
• The girls are no longer "the mighty four best friends" and they are at each other's throats
• "A lot has changed in Rosewood"

Hmmm

And yayyy!

Dexter, Homeland, Once Upon a Time

Homeland - Crossfire
We are so glad that this show finally addressed a reason for Brody turning traitor. That has been the weak spot of the show for us. Do terrorists really have arguments that would turn an American soldier? Could it really be just because a terrorist was nice to Brody? Was it just religion? No. It’s because they killed his pupil, the cutest little kid in the world, and covered it up. Nice play, show. “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” was never so adorable. We're not mad that Brody's allegiances have been revealed so early. The show has built up enough goodwill that we trust it.
Episode grade: B
Once Upon a Time - That Still Small Voice
What happened in the fairy world was touching and felt like a real fairy tale. There was even some morbidity (with the dolls) that the show has been missing thus far. We loved the Jiminy Cricket backstory. But why couldn't he get away from his parents? The real world storyline was less interesting. It was a tamer version of what happened to Jack and Charlie in LOST’s early episodes. Mehhhh. The Prince Charming/Mary Margaret stuff was really sweet though, and we like that she resigned from volunteering. He will have to chase her down. It’s always nice to be able to root for a woman who isn’t about to steal someone else’s husband.
Episode grade: B
Dexter - Get Gellar
OM MY GOODNESS, WE CAN’T BELIEVE IT! Oh wait, we totally can, because we called that ages ago. We are disappointed in the writers for doing something so unoriginal and something that was so easy to call. Even the blogger who never guesses things guessed this one. Ugh.
Episode grade: C-

The Walking Dead has its midseason finale

The Walking Dead has been boring nearly everyone lately. Sure, there are some people who think this is one of the best seasons ever. But there are others who realize that if you skipped any one of the past five episodes and then just jumped back in, you wouldn’t even notice that you had missed anything. There are too many stretches of this show where people walk and look grim. The pauses between dialogue are too long. Speaking of dialogue, the show could get better at that. The dialogue is hardly ever interesting on this show.

One thing we like about the first half of this season is Hershel and his creepy theory that the Walkers aren’t dead, just diseased. The fact that he was keeping a bunch of Walkers in his barn in order to wait for them to be healed is just psycho. It’s probably a realistic response for someone to have though. Obviously, the best thing about last night was dead Sophia, which shocked a good number of viewers and effectively ended the “meander around looking for Sophia” storyline, which could have been done in a lot less time. Hershel will probably order everyone off of his farm now, for good. We think that the gang should steal the farm from him, but that’s just us. We’re brutal.

Shane and Daryl are the season MVPs so far, with Shane making things interesting and Daryl showing some depth. These characters are mostly pretty flat, but giving Daryl a good side gives us hope for this show. We also like Maggie. We really only like Rick because he’s a good guy and he’s hot. His character could get better as a character. We are annoyed by horn-dog, comic-relief Glenn, when before we respected him for being brave. Lori … ugh. The fact that she didn’t know that the morning after pill won’t abort her WEEKS OLD FETUS made us hate her. Possibly forever. What a dumb ass.

Andrea needs to quit looking anguished and Dale needs to leave her alone. We’re glad that Rick knows that Lori slept with Shane. That needed to not drag that out. Will the gang be mad at Hershel for keeping Sophia in the barn and allowing the gang to go out in the woods looking for her all the time, endangering themselves? This show is about to lose real-time status with us and become a DVD show. We think it would be better if we could watch all of these slow episodes in a row. We still want to watch the show, but if this is the way it's going to be, we want to binge it in a day, not stick with it for weeks.

Episode grade: B+
Grade for the first half of the season, as a whole: C+

Pan Am and Man Up! Effectively Canceled

Tvbythenumbers is reporting that Pan Am and Man Up! are really close to being canceled, which is not unexpected news. Leeard is truly (and unexpectedly) bummed about Pan Am.

UPDATE: Karine Vanasse tweeted- "Well, we received THE call. Pan Am is only coming back for one more episode after Christmas. But up to the end, we'll give it our all.

Later, it was revealed that the show will actually have 14 episodes total for its first season. ABC ordered one more. Things are looking grim for a season 2 though.

Go here and scroll down to the chart for the status of your favorite shows.

http://tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com/2011/11/20/bubble-watch-grimm-upgraded-should-the-mentalist-be-on-the-bubble/111291/

Revenge - Suspicion

The whole “Real Emily Thorpe” thing is going to wreak havoc on us as recappers, because we were used to being able to use both names to refer to one person. We will just call the duplicitous ladies by their real names. Amanda is the one seeking the revenge, and Emily is the little viper who stole her life, which is a twist that finally pulled Ern onboard with this show. The show would be so much better if Charlotte and Declan weren’t on it, but the show is mostly awesome, so we will accept it.

Emily, who knows Amanda’s attachment to Jack and their history, started seducing Jack. We were all, "NO NO!!! You two-bit whore!" This works alarmingly quickly. Is a brother on the rebound or something? They take Jack’s boat out for a while and then Emily tells Jack that she is his old friend, Amanda. This is the clincher Emily needs to make Jack fall head-over-heels, introduce Emily to Amanda, and show Emily “her father’s” old house. Emily really wants a home and is enthralled by Amanda. But Emily feels betrayed that Amanda wanted to send her to Paris. Amanda is less than pleased with all of this. Emily refuses to leave.

Amanda calls in the big guns - another mentor. It’s a Japanese man who flies in immediately and sees Amanda at Grayson party. Surprise, Daniel! Your girlfriend speaks Japanese. This only makes him love her more, because all men love when women are mysterious and full of surprises. Actually, Daniel might have a little too much of that where Amanda is concerned.

Victoria has been trying to keep Lydia under control with medication, but Conrad takes Lydia away during the party. Conrad is over the whole marriage thing. Daniel is still angry at his mother for having Frank investigate Amanda. Victoria, meanwhile, tries to pay Declan to stop seeing Charlotte. Declan refuses her, and while this was expected, it does help us like him more. Charlotte does the smart thing and tells her mother that Declan dumped her. That was really, really not true. She sneaks out for a romantic night with Declan almost immediately. Ashley sets a lunch date with Victoria in order to give Victoria a little dish on Amanda. Uh oh.

Daniel is back to working for Daddy, and Conrad pits him against Tyler in a race to close an investment deal. Tyler, ever the villain, steals Nolan’s credit card to buy clothes for himself and Ashley so that they can look good at the party and impress the investors. Tyler also asks Nolan to invest in the Grayson business. Nolan finds out that Tyler has that copy of Lydia’s speech and sees that Tyler is looking into David Clarke. Amanda tells Nolan to give Tyler an investment so that he can be distracted with that while she and Nolan figure out a plan to deal with Tyler. At the party, Nolan takes Tyler aside, and Tyler kisses Nolan. Ashley sees this and freaks. Tyler covers by saying that he was just doing it as part of his ambitious plans.

This episode was the show at its twisty best. The Emily/Amanda stuff is particularly inspired. Plus, we’ve found out that Amanda has been trained in the art of revenge, or something, but a Japanese man. This just turned into Kill Bill, in a good way.

Episode grade: A

Parenthood - Mr. Honesty

Kristina, stop crying. You cry just about every week. That said, the fact that Adam didn’t fire his young employee would be hard for a wife to get over. It’s not so much that this girl is an actual threat or that there is anything going on. It’s the fact that he would consider Rachel’s feelings over Kristina’s. She is seriously overreacting though. If Adam is guilty of anything, it’s stupidity. He should have talked with Kristina about giving Rachel another chance and told Kristina about the threat he made to Rachel (if anything like that happens again, you’re fired). He really shouldn't have told Kristina he would fire Rachel without discussing things with Rachel and Crosby.

Adam really couldn’t fire Rachel, because Crosby has been flirting with Rachel enough to give her a wrong idea of the work environment, right? Adam also shouldn’t have walked Rachel to the door after she had been drinking. She is obviously insecure, because of the way she dresses, and Adam could have watched from the car. Adam did a good job in telling Kristina about the kiss in the first place, though. Kristina also has the right to go back to work. She seems really unhappy with being a stay-at-home mom right now. Kristina needs to work out her insecurity, and going back to work will give her an identity boost. The family probably needs the money anyway.

The biggest shock of the night is that Crosby and Jasmine had sex! Dr. Joe doesn’t deserve this treatment, but we are happy for Jabbar, who is still the most adorable little boy on TV, ever. We’re so glad that Amber is asking her mother for help in forming a life plan. Working at a coffee shop and drowning financially sounds like a one-year thing, tops. After that, anyone is going to need some direction in which to go. We also miss seeing Amber on the show more. We suggest a student loan, a better job, and community college.

Poor Joel and Julia. And poor, stupid Zoe who lets her boyfriend, Troy, run the show. Julia and Joel handled the situation perfectly (they didn’t even consider paying for Zoe’s baby). With the new addition of this twist to the storyline, we’ve decided that this whole affair is too soap-y. Granted, this whole show could be seen as a “soap done right.”

Episode grade: B

American Horror Story - Rubber Man

We predict that pretty much no one is pleased that Tate is the Rubber Man. Ern is unsurprised though, and still loves him. He and Violet are such a nice, messed-up couple. Twisted romance that completely owns all of its twistedness is Ern’s cup of tea. But poor Violet. He’s the father of her siblings, which is just fantastic for all involved. Yeah, it’s all pretty gross, but we are entertained. Leeard is pretty attached to Vivian, because she’s the nicest and only sane person on the show. Last night bummed Leeard out because of what happened to her.

The episode opened with a flashback where the Harmons are moving in, six months ago. Nora, the first owner of the house, is crying that someone is changing her beautiful house. The Rubber Man (who we now know to be Tate) comforts her. Tate wants to help Nora get a baby, because that’s what she always wanted. Since the gay couple fought and decided not to adopt a baby for Nora to steal, Tate and Nora hoped that the Harmons would provide. We flash to the first episode when Viv and the Rubber Man make sweet, freaky love. After the deed is done, the Gimp removes his mask and we see that it is Tate. He is weirdly attached to the ghost women of the house and he wants to help Nora get a baby, even if it’s his. Ghost sperm can totally swim.

The episode flashes back to the present, and Vivian is discussing with Moira and Marcy the fact that she saw ghost Nora in the house. Marcy blows it off and then laments that Mr. Escandarian hasn’t been returning her calls. Moira ate his penis and killed him, if you remember. It’s a tad hard to forget. She’s a maneater. (Wow, we’re lame.) Then we flash back to before, when the gay couple was alive. Chad is having drinks with a female friend and talking about how he thinks Patrick is cheating on him. Chad has been having computer sex with a guy who is into S&M. They chat about it and jerk off, which can’t be super fulfilling. The guy’s name is JungleJim4322 and it looks like he’s using Yahoo! messenger, which is exactly the place to meet people who are horny and repressed, just fyi. It’s a complete waste of time. Stay away.

The female friend advises Chad to become more experimental to save his marriage. Chad goes to an S&M sex shop and really doesn’t understand any of the stuff there. We feel you, Chad, like a rapist with a hot poker. Chad asks the question we are all asking (“How is a latex suit a turn-on?”) and the retailer replies that it dehumanizes the person wearing it, turning him into a giant, moving sex toy/doll for the person having sex with the rubber man. We think that’s really sad. Half of the point of having sex is connecting with another person. Anyone who has to dehumanize another person to enjoy sex is a coward who can’t handle the real, emotional thing. Maybe once-in-a-while would be fine, but over time, that can’t be good for a relationship or a human being.

But Chad wants Patrick, so he buys the rubber suit. When he wears it in front of Patrick, Patrick shuns him. Patrick prefers leather, and he kind of hates Chad. Patrick informs Chad that sex chatting is not cheating. Agree to disagree, Patrick. Patrick leaves and Chad cries. We feel bad for Chad, because we love him and we love Zachary Quinto. In the present, Hayden gives Nora a talk about how all men suck and how the house provides her with fun. She’s sleeping with Constance’s ghost husband and then stabbing him repeatedly. Talk about issues. Hayden and Nora agree to steal Vivian’s twins and make sure Vivian ends up in a mental institution.

In yet another flashback, we see Tate killing the ghosts. He also butt-raped Patrick with a fire poker. He killed them so that another family who might be able to provide a family could take over the house. In the present, Violet has been skipping school to hang out in her room and play with ghosts. Ben tries to take her to task for it, but Violet reams him for cheating and making Vivian start acting crazy. After this episode, we strongly believe that Violet is dead. She hasn’t been out of the house or to school in a while, and she’s seeing more ghosts than anyone. The theory making the rounds is that Tate never actually saved Violet from overdosing. She’s dead, and she doesn’t know she’s dead. Like Bruce Willis. The Harmons had no idea that Violet was sleeping with Tate (ew), ditching school, overdosing, cutting, lying, and possible being dead. They are the freaking worst parents of all time, and maybe Nora SHOULD get Vivian’s next batch of spawn.

Moira tells Vivian that all men have this big conspiracy to oppress women, call them crazy, and lock them up. We agree with the second part. Men do try to paint women as overemotional and crazy. Everything else is just Moira having as many issues as Hayden. Vivian takes Moira’s words to heart. Moira tells Vivian that doctors used to give their female patients orgasms by masturbating them in order to cure their hysteria. One of us kind of wishes that doctors still did that… Moira warns Vivian to get out of the house while she still can. Vivian grabs Violet and they try to leave.

In the car, ghosts surround them, scare the crap out of them, and drive them back to the house. Vivian tries to tell Ben that the house is evil, but he doesn’t believe her. Violet doesn’t back Vivian’s story up, and tells Ben that she didn’t see anything (which pissed one of us off). She is afraid that if she leaves the house or tells her parents about the ghosts, she won’t see Tate again. Her dead, school-shooter, raping, father of her siblings boyfriend. At least Tate isn’t banging Hayden though. That’s loyalty. Vivian, scared, steals Marcy’s gun. Tate sneaks into Vivian’s room to scare her, Vivian screams, Ben runs to Vivian’s aid, and Vivian shoots him. The EMTs save him. The shot was a through-and-through.

Ben gives Vivian some Valium, and Hayden appears to torment Vivian. Vivian, drugged, freaks and then tells Ben that she’s seeing Hayden. Cops arrive and take Vivian away to a mental institution for evaluation or something. We are officially mad at everyone on this show, except for Vivian. Also, this episode gets points off for not including Constance. The last thing we saw was a flashback to where Moira and Tate are setting up the gay guys’ deaths to look like a murder suicide. Tate tells Moira that it’s romantic that now the two will be together forever, which is the creepiest way to look at it ever. Who can think of romance after RAPING SOMEONE WITH A FIRE POKER IN THE ASS?

Episode grade: B-

Happy (American) Thanksgiving, ya'll. One post today. We'll do Parenthood and the rest of the Wednesday night shows tomorrow. We have turkey on which to feast.

How I Met Your Mother Twist

For once, we don't know what our opinion is here. On the one hand, we didn't see it coming. On the other, it's not exactly original. Let us know what you think. Are you excited/happy, or are you not? Who do you think is the culprit? Barney or Kevin? It has to be Barney, right? Also, will this change Robin too much? We're not saying moms can't be awesome (obviously, because ours are), but Robin has never wanted kids. Not every woman wants kids, and we liked that the one representing that on network television was someone as awesome as Robin.

The Good Wife - Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Last week’s episode, “Death Row Tip,” bored us a little, except for the Santa thing and the shootout in front of Cary and Kalinda. Cary has never been hotter. This week, Peter brings Wendy Scott-Carr in to investigate and prosecute Will Gardner. This storyline is super realistic. What man wouldn’t want to go after the man who stole his wife? Peter deserves his wife stolen though, as most of us can agree. Wendy is just as hate-able as we remember. Wendy goes to Diane for information and pretty much threatens Diane in order to get Diane on Peter/WSC’s side in this whole thing. Diane doesn’t back down.

Diane is a character it’s taken us a long time to like. It’s mostly because she’s so dang liberal. We don’t dig political extremism in either direction. It’s lines like, "Do men really have that much success in their life that the first setback that comes along they get all weepy?" that really annoy us. Do feminists have to demean men in order to get their points across? Diane is like one of those elitist, self righteous liberal crusaders one of our Texas daddies reared us to hate. However, Diane is smart as a whip and she’s also pretty fearless. She went directly to Will, told him what was up (he’s being investigated for bribing judges), and demanded that he stop sleeping with Alicia.

The charges are BS, but the investigation could bring down the firm and everything that Diane has worked for. Later, when Eli loses a client, Diane bonds with Eli and helps him drink his sorrows away, commiserating with him. Apparently, Eli doesn’t sleep, because his job is so tiring. Sidenote: Stacie Hall is so much fun. These little side characters who are full of so much personality are part of why The Good Wife is such a colorful, interesting show. Most shows don’t waste time making guests and side characters memorable. This one does.

Jackie Florrick is still driving Alicia’s kids around, at Peter’s request. Jackie goes snooping in Alicia’s computer files, looking for dirt in order to get Peter sole custody. Jackie accidentally turns on Alicia’s webcam while snooping. Alicia is mighty offended, but she still tries to keep the full story from her kids. They figure it out quickly and jump on their mom’s side. Alicia changes the locks and tells Jackie to stay out of her house/go pound sand. Then Alicia takes Zach car shopping so that Jackie doesn’t have to drive them around anymore. This was amazing. Jackie crossed a major line there.

Dana and Kalinda flirt, but then Dana just sleeps with Cary. Dana also buys a jacket just like Kalinda’s so that Cary will love Dana as much as he loves Kalinda. Fat chance. We know that we are the only people on earth who are not enthralled by Kalinda. We just don't find her interesting, even though she is one of the few bisexual characters on TV. We’re eternally annoyed by Kalinda’s wardrobe. Is she really good enough at her job that no one complains about her knee-high, sex worker boots, short skirts, slutty tights, and leather jackets? At least she’s not wearing a red suit to court like Alicia. Eesh.

Meanwhile, Will and Alicia go back to military court with same attorney and judge from last time they were in military court. A young woman was charged with 12 counts of murder because she disobeyed an order and pushed a button, sending drones into a civilian area. She claims that the order was delayed, but the evidence is stacked against her. The client is found guilty and Alicia is upset, because she thinks the young woman was a scapegoat. The judge talks to Alicia after the verdict is read, and drops some truth bombs on her. The verdict was totally just. We agree. Alicia and Will’s defense was total whining.

Episode grade: A-

Once Upon a Time - Important Information for Fans

No episode of Once Upon a Time aired last night, so in lieu of that, we will give you the important bits of a great interview we read with the show’s writers. They answered some questions we kind of needed answered. We’re actually a little annoyed that most of this wasn’t apparent in the actual show, but whatever. If you get Entertainment Weekly, and you should, you probably already know this.

• Because of the curse, the residents of Storybrooke don’t know how they ended up living there. “They have an existence that for 28 years has made sense to them because of the curse, but only now, with the arrival of Emma, does the haze start to lift.” – Horowitz.
• The clock tower started functioning again when Emma arrived, and this signifies the fact that the war between good and evil has begun. This also means that the townspeople have started aging and regaining a sense of their own will. “What you’re going to see in upcoming episodes is characters starting to free themselves and acting in ways that they previously had not.” We think we saw a little of this in last week’s episode with Cinderella.
• Regina is fully aware that she and the others are fairytale characters. She actually wants a relationship with Henry, but the curse has left her with an emotional void and she can’t love him. Regina is determined to overcome this obstacle and prove to everyone that she can have the curse and her happiness with it.
• Questions that will be answered this season: Why does the Queen hate Snow White? How did Rumpelstiltskin become Rumpelstiltskin?
• Some fairytale characters, like Peter Pan, are not part of the public domain. The show is restricted to using characters the channel (whose parent company is Disney) has access to and those characters that are public domain. At this point, they don’t want to deal with paying people for permission to use the characters, but maybe someday they will. We will probably see The Little Mermaid at some point.
• Henry’s father is important and we might meet him and not know it’s Henry’s father.
• Sheriff Graham is “pivotal” to the story.