Agenda

Only three episodes away from being done with Teen Wolf. Can’t wait for Arrested Development this Sunday! One of us is having a bunch of people over for an all-day marathon. It’s gonna be the tits.

Catching up on Teen Wolf

We ship Allison/Jackson.

Critics Choice Television Awards 2013- A Few of Our Picks

Best Comedy Series

The Big Bang Theory
Louie- Desired winner
The Middle
New Girl- Runner Up
Parks and Recreation
Veep

Best Actor in a Comedy Series
Don Cheadle (House of Lies)- Runner up
Louis C.K. (Louie)
Jake Johnson (New Girl)
Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory)
Adam Scott (Parks and Recreation)- Desired Winner
Jeremy Sisto (Suburgatory)

Best Actress in a Comedy Series
Laura Dern (Enlightened)
Zooey Deschanel (New Girl)
Lena Dunham (Girls)
Sutton Foster (Bunheads)- Runner up
Family Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Veep)
Amy Poehler (Parks and Recreation)- Desired Winner

Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Max Greenfield (New Girl)
Simon Helberg (The Big Bang Theory)
Alex Karpovsky (Girls)
Adam Pally (Happy Endings)- Runner Up
Chris Pratt (Parks and Recreation)
Danny Pudi (Community)- Desired Winner

Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Carly Chaikin (Suburgatory)
Kaley Cuoco (The Big Bang Theory)- Runner Up
Sarah Hyland (Modern Family)
Melissa Rauch (The Big Bang Theory)
Eden Sher (The Middle)
Casey Wilson (Happy Endings)- Desired Winner

Best Guest Performer in a Comedy Series
Melissa Leo (Louie)- Runner Up
David Lynch (Louie)
Bob Newhart (The Big Bang Theory)
Patton Oswalt (Parks and Recreation)
Molly Shannon (Enlightened)
Patrick Wilson (Girls)- Desired Winner

Best Drama Series
The Americans
Breaking Bad- Runner Up
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones- Desired Winner
The Good Wife
Homeland

Best Actor in a Drama Series
Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad)
Damian Lewis (Homeland)
Andrew Lincoln (The Walking Dead)
Timothy Olyphant (Justified)
Matthew Rhys (The Americans)- Runner Up
Kevin Spacey (House of Cards)- Desired Winner

Best Actress in a Drama Series
Claire Danes (Homeland)
Vera Farmiga (Bates Motel)- Desired Winner
Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife)
Tatiana Maslany (Orphan Black)
Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men)
Keri Russell (The Americans)- Runner Up

Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Jonathan Banks (Breaking Bad)
Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Game of Thrones)
Michael Cudlitz (Southland)- Runner Up
Noah Emmerich (The Americans)
Walton Goggins (Justified)- Desired Winner
Corey Stoll (House of Cards)

Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Jennifer Carpenter (Dexter)- Desired Winner
Emilia Clarke (Game of Thrones)
Anna Gunn (Breaking Bad)
Regina King (Southland)
Monica Potter (Parenthood)- Runner Up
Abigail Spencer (Rectify)

Best Guest Performer in a Drama Series
Jim Beaver (Justified)
Jane Fonda (The Newsroom)
Martha Plimpton (The Good Wife)
Carrie Preston (The Good Wife)- Runner Up
Diana Rigg (Game of Thrones)- Desired Winner
Jimmy Smits (Sons of Anarchy)

Best Movie or Mini-Series
American Horror Story: Asylum- Desired Winner (because it’s the only one we watched, admittedly)
Behind the Candelabra
The Crimson Petal and the White
The Hour
Political Animals
Top of the Lake

So You've Never Seen Arrested Development?

Why you should watch it: Because it's a hilarious, brilliant comedy classic with 15 new episodes available on Netflix this Sunday. It's hard to get into the humor, but once you do, your sides are going to hurt. Some people find it difficult to follow the legal and business aspects of the plot, but we don't think you really need to follow those perfectly to enjoy the show and the humor anyway. Just stay with it. If subtitles don't annoy you, those might help you catch the jokes that zing by. The dialogue is genius, and the show has great guest stars, like Liza Minelli, Charlize Theron, Amy Poehler, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jane Lynch, Christine Taylor, Ben Stiller, and Zach Braff.

What are the best episodes and characters?

Game of Thrones: Season 3, Episode 8

Second Sons- Game of Thrones is the only show we care about right now (if you haven't noticed). While there were a lot of good shows on TV this year, not a lot of those shows were having good seasons. Even The Vampire Diaries lost its mojo. Once Upon a Time didn't make logical sense by the rules of its own universe and really dragged. The chuckles were fewer in Parks and Rec. But Game of Thrones is better than ever. This week, we had the most awkward (yet oddly hilarious) episode of all time. Poor Tyrion. We feel the worst for him. 

New shows we will definitely check out next season

• Hostages, CBS: Dylan McDermotte (American Horror Story) and Toni Collette (United States of Tara, The Sixth Sense) are the draw here. We don't know how long this can go on, but we like the idea of the possibility of a short story and quick resolution. Plus, this is the only CBS show that seems to want to bend gender stereotypes beyond what we usually see on that channel. Casting Toni Collette alone bodes well for the character.
• Believe, NBC: J.J. Abrams is the draw here. This show is about a little girl with certain powers and a man pulled from prison to protect her. It's one of the nerdiest and most unique TV premises of the new lot (that's not saying much).
• Crossbones, NBC: All we need to know is that this is about the pirate Blackbeard and it stars John Malkovich. That's trainwreck material, right? How could we look away? Watch it actually be good...
• Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, ABC: The trailer looks awesome. Once Upon a Time disappointed us this season and remains a little too cheesy and G-rated for its own good. Alice's story looks like it has the budget and the darkness to hold us though. Our only qualm is that she isn't blonde and that her dull-looking fiance didn't die in the trailer.
• The 100, CW: More sci-fi! It's not like that's the only TV genre we like...it's just that most of the promising shows next season look to be that kind of thing. The 100 is about juvenile delinquents sent back to Earth after a sort of apocalypse to see if the planet is ready for humans again. You can do so much with that.
• Us and Them, Fox: Alexis Bledel!!!! We love seeing her on TV. We've missed her so much. We will definitely give her new show a chance. Jason Ritter (Parenthood) is great too. We hear the British version of this show was worth watching too.
• Sleepy Hollow, Fox: Leeard is a sucker for horror.
• Killer Women, ABC: Weirdly intriguing.
• The Tomorrow People, The CW: Yeah, it's an X-Men rip-off, but it looks decent.
• Reign, The CW: We like period pieces and the actress who played Anne of Green Gables is in it (Megan Follows). Of course, a basic knowledge of history is going to ruin this one. It's Mary, Queen of Scots.
• Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, ABC: Because Joss Whedon is running it. He never disappoints. Prepare for great dialogue and even better characters, people!

New shows we might check out next season (still deciding)

• Mom, CBS: This is a Chuck Lorre sitcom, but we're considering it because of Alison Janney and Anna Faris, two great, funny actresses who are definitely up to carrying this kind of show. It looks better than Two Broke Girls, the only other CBS comedy we can remotely tolerate. We also like that the show is about women and probably won't have as many of the disgusting "boy's club" jokes for players that Two-and-a-Half-Men would have.
• The Crazy Ones, CBS: It's nice to see James Wolk again after the unjust cancelation of Lone Star. Also, this pilot has Kelly Clarkson! We might watch it for her alone. We don't hate Robin Williams either. We feel like we'll get sick of this show quick, but we might watch the first couple of episodes, if we have time.
• Intelligence, CBS: We like the idea of Josh Holloway back on TV even if this show is a total rip-off of Chuck. And it is. Meghan Ory is in this too though, and it looks fun and action-packed. We'll watch it to see if it has its own voice. If it's not boring, we'll probably stick with it.
• The Black List, NBC: We'll probably wait for word of mouth on this one. It looks completely unoriginal. It's like Se7en, Silence of the Lambs, The Following, Hannibal, and plenty of other cop shows where a bad guy helps one or a few cops.
• The Michael J Fox Show, NBC: Who doesn't love Michael J Fox? He's making light of himself and his condition on this show. The preview looked pretty charming and a little funny, which is good for a preview. It would be unAmerican to not give Marty McFly a few episodes, wouldn't it?
• Crisis, NBC: We want to see what got Gillian Anderson (X-Files) back on TV. The show itself doesn't look great. Nor does it look bad.
• Super Fun Night, ABC: We liked Rebel Wilson in Pitch Perfect.
• Resurrection, ABC: It looks weird. We like that.
• Surviving Jack, Fox: We'll watch a few for Christopher Meloni, but we're not gonna force it.
• Brooklyn Nine Nine, Fox: We like Andy Samberg's songs. Maybe his show will be funny too? Maybe not, but we'll want to see for ourselves.
• Almost Human, Fox: We're watching this for the JJ Abrams brand. He's brought us a few good things (and a few boring things). We're not enthused about the robot angle though. Robots are not people, and thus they are not characters and don't interest us much.
• Gang Related, Fox: Terry O'Quinn has earned a lot of cred with us, so we'll watch at least three if we're not doing anything else.
• Rake, Fox: We can't tell if this is good from the trailer, so the only way to know is to watch at least an episode ourselves. If it isn't good, we'll watch the Australian version, which we hear is great.

New Shows We're Going To Skip Next Year (Unless We Hear They Are Amazing)

• The Millers, CBS: Will Arnett should only be Gob. Or he should hire people to pick better shows for him.
• The Goldbergs, ABC: This is like a loud, unfunny, unnecessary version of The Wonder Years, which is on Instant Netflix if you want to watch it instead.
• Star-Crossed, The CW: Lame. We already have Roswell.
• We Are Men, CBS: Man-children who are looking to get laid? Snore. It's these kinds of shows that perpetuate dumb gender stereotypes and keep rehashing the same jokes over and over. You can't beat Workaholics. Let it lie.
• The Originals, CW: We don't know how this show will ever be a hit, because people who don't like The Vampire Diaries probably won't watch the spin off either. Also, people who DO like TVD already know how annoying and whiny The Originals are. Hopefully the show makes it so those characters never return to TVD again and that show can regain its glory. We're not watching it though.
• Dracula, NBC: Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Ugh. We had enough of his terrible acting in The Tudors.
• Ironside, NBC: Another cop drama. Ho hum. But now a cop is....IN A WHEELCHAIR. Groundbreaking (sarcasm). Wake us up when someone comes up with a premise that's worth picking up a remote for. You can never replace our beloved Southland.
• Sean Saves the World, NBC: This network is trying to become CBS, and we don't like it. That preview was grating.
• Welcome to the Family, NBC: Just not interested.
• About a Boy, NBC: The movie was enough. There are plenty of movies that would make better TV shows.
• Chicago PD, NBC: A spin-off of a show we already don't watch or like? No thanks.
• Enlisted, Fox: Somehow, after watching The Invisible War, a comedy about the military just doesn't seem like something we could get into. The military isn't inherently funny. It's flawed, dangerous, and something that we really respect people for going into anyway. We can't laugh at that subject. Army shenanigans just feel gross when you think about how 20% of servicewoman are raped, the military is so based on power structure, and people give their lives serving...it's just not appropriate. Unless we hear it's reeeeally funny.
• Mixology, ABC: A minute in and the preview had the line "the higher the heels, the looser she feels." That is NOT TRUE. Girls almost always want to wear heels. It's not a come hither thing most of the time. Girls take into consideration how far they will be walking, if they want to dance, if they will be standing a long time, what shoes go well with the outfit, how much they plan to drink, etc, when deciding to wear heels. Not everything is about whether a girl is trying to get a guy. It also talked about how a guy should feel happy for the chance to replace his ex with someone with a bigger butt. If that's the sort of material this comedy has to offer, we're out.
• Dads, Fox: We like you, Seth Green, but you need to NOT be in a show from the writers of "Ted." That movie was not funny.
• The Family Guide, NBC: Looks a little too cornball. Love JK Simmons though.
• Trophy Wife, ABC: This is the one we might be wrong on. So far, we're not interested, but if and when you watch the pilot, let us know if we should give it a shot. The title isn't exactly a draw. Decent cast though.
• Mind Games, ABC: Whatever its appeal to execs, we don't get it. We'll keep our ears open though.
• The Night Shift, NBC: Grey's Anatomy is enough medical drama for us. It's still pretty good.
• Undateable, NBC: God, save us from shows about a man showing other men how to get girls, as if there is some formula that will work on all (or even most) women. You're looking for a person. That likes you as a person. As you are. TV is lying to you. You don't have to have "game." Just be nice, confident, and talk to girls. That's it.
• Back in the Game, ABC: This reminds us of that Amy Adams/Clint Eastwood movie we hated. That wasn't exactly a blockbuster, so why does ABC think we'll like this kind of thing any better on TV?
• Betrayal, ABC: Revenge's lame second season put us off of soaps for a while. Plus, it will only run for a few episodes.
• Lucky 7, ABC: Some people win the lottery. And? Winning the lottery isn't an interesting premise unless WE win the lottery.

Mud is a pretty good movie

Movie grade: A-

Best thing we've seen Matthew McConaughey do in a while.

How I Met Your Mother- Mother reveal

The Mother. 

Big eyes? Check. Brunette? Check. Petite? Check. Pretty? Check. White? Check. Ten years younger than Ted? Check.

It looks like the show wanted to play it safe and find a universally appealing woman that men and women see as “wife material.” The actress can sing (Broadway vet) and was funny on 30 Rock though, so maybe she’ll bring something interesting in the performance.

One Season More. We'll be watching, because we'll want to see how it ends.

Summer TV List

Family Tree- May 12

Arrested Development- May 26

The Fall- May 28

Teen Wolf- June 3

The Fosters- June 3

Switched At Birth- June 10

Twisted- June 11

Pretty Little Liars- June 11

Wilfred- June 20

Copper- June 23

Under the Dome- June 24

Big Brother- June 26

Dexter- June 30

Ray Donovan- June 30

Orange is the New Black- July 11

Web Therapy- July 22

The Bridge- July TBA

Breaking Bad- August 11

Low Winter Sun- August 11

We are dropping True Blood, which gets more and more boring each season. We couldn’t give a crap about a single character anymore.

Glee, The Office, The Vampire Diaries, and Grey's Anatomy finales

• Glee: Dull, mostly lame songs, a Wemma wedding no one cares about, and no death of an annoying character. We have to wait to find out what happens with Blaine's proposal and Rachel's audition, the only two things we care about. Catfish's identity was super predictable, as was Ryder's reaction. Episode grade C-. Season grade B-
• The Office: This was the big one, and it was very nearly perfect. Michael came back and has kids, Dwight is married and in love, Pam and Jim ended things perfectly, Erin found her parents, Creed was finally brought to justice, Nelly got a baby, Ryan and Kelly got what they deserved, and we finally got to see Mose talk! We didn't know he could. This show should have ended three years ago, but this finale was perfect. Seasons 6-8 were terrible, but season 9 as a whole was watchable. Episode grade A. Season grade: B
• The Vampire Diaries: This season drained our will to even watch this show. We're so glad the sire bond is gone and Elena and Damon are together by choice. We are also glad that Elena didn't take the cure. It's good that Bonnie died because now there is no one around to magic the cast out of every single problem they face. Knowing this show, they will bring her back. The finale was pretty good, but the season as a whole was a disappointment. Episode grade B. Season Grade C
• Grey's Anatomy: Arizona whyyyyy. We like that it wasn't just about lust and that the show brought the affair back to the leg trauma. Just when you think things are buried... We kind of hope the Chief is dead. His character has run its course and the cast is too huge. LOVED April telling Jackson she wanted him, even after Matt's cute/dorky proposal. We're so glad that Meredith and her baby are healthy. We always knew they would be. Meredith has been through so much on this show that even Shonda knows it would be ridiculous to hurt her like that. Owen and Cristina are broken up...again. They do this every season, so we're not buying it. You don't spend four seasons on a couple if they aren't endgame (unless a cast member is leaving, like Callie, Izzie, George, Burke, etc). Episode grade B+. Season grade B.

New show: Family Tree. Season 1, Episode 1

HBO, Sundays, 10:30 Eastern

Family Tree is a half-hour comedy about a depressed, unemployed man, Tom Chadwick, who becomes obsessed with figuring out his ancestry after a romantic relationship ended badly for him. In this episode, Tom returns to his father’s town with his adult sister in tow, meets up with his best friend, and goes on a date with an idiot. This show is filmed in the documentary form and is partially improvised. It stars the cute cop from Bridesmaids.

We already like this show just because a main character has a monkey puppet that says everything this character can’t say but wants to say. She will be talking like a normal person, then her therapy monkey a shrink gave her as a child will make a snide remark on the side. It’s just fantastic. We are jealous that we didn’t think of it ourselves for the hypothetical TV show we are always making up in our heads. One day, world. One day.

We like the fake TV shows the characters seem to be watching. We also like Tom’s friend Pete and the story of how they met. Adorable. There is some odd and very British humor in this show, but we like it. It’s just the right length. The tone can be a bit too relaxed at times, but this show is sweet and funny, overall. It’s not necessarily laugh-out-loud funny, but it’s amusing and pleasant. We will be tuning back in for a while. We’ll let you know if it evolves into a must-watch.

Episode grade: B

We're moving to Tumblr! So we can tumble things, der

Sorry for the recent lack of posts during May Sweeps. We're the worst.

This blog is moving to http://becausewewatchtoomuchtv.tumblr.com/

We're on tumblr more, so hopefully this will allow us to post more content. If you're on tumblr, give us a follow there. If you're not, just check the site at your convenience as you usually would. You can still leave anonymous comments on any post in the ask box.

All the content already posted on this blog will remain here. All future content will be on tumblr.

--------UPDATE--------

We've decided to continue putting original posts here as well, but if you want to see BOTH what we reblog and what we write, use the tumblr. Why not use two platforms?

We're working on getting caught up before all the big finales...

But there is no way we are watching the backdoor pilot for The Originals. That sounds like worse torture than what Elena went through last week.

Nope. We couldn't care less about that family anymore.

Glee- Season 4, episodes 19-21

We thought the Harlem Shake was funny a few months ago, but now it's just sad. Glee opening with it two weeks ago was so behind the times and lame that we wanted to rip Finn's head off. Which isn't much of a change from how we usually feel about that guy... At least Finn is in college. Puck is just pathetic.

Grey's Anatomy season 9, episodes 17-22

The hospital has a new name! We will always think of it as Seattle Grace. Not Seattle Grace Mercy West. We guess the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital is better than SGMW anyway. Jackson has been running the hospital since we last stopped in. It was lame of the other doctors to constantly outvote and disrespect him, but he got it all under control eventually.

Nashville season 1, episodes 15-18

Man, are we behind on shows or what? Well, here's one we're caught up on. After a string of good episodes, this show went back to having a few snoozy plots. We didn't care about Gunnar's angst after his brother died and we didn't like how badly he treated Scarlett during those first few days.

It's understandable, but still lame. At least she had the balls to call him out on it and say it sucked. Another boring storyline? Deacon dating his veterinarian who lives in Nashville and doesn't like country music. Poor girl. Mercifully, that relationship probably ended last night...more on that later.

How to Live with Your Parents (For the Rest of Your Life)

We've been watching this sweet show for the last four weeks, and we are probably going to stop. Why? Because it's not funny. While we enjoy watching the show, we are noticing that we haven't yet laughed. The cast is very good, especially Elizabeth Perkins (Weeds). We also find Sarah Chalke adorable, and she has a cute little girl. If you like the cast, you'll have a soft spot for the show. Whether you'll actually laugh is another story.

Show grade: B-

Game of Thrones- Season 3, Episode 5

Kiss the Fire- This episode placed its focus squarely on a) foreshadowing and setting up certain events and b) character relationship development. It was a fairly action-packed episode for this show. Just about every storyline had a significant leap. This episode also contained what fangirls like to call "all the feels" for many different pairings and characters. Finally, we will remember this episode for the number of butts it showed.

Beric Dondarrion (eyepatch guy) and Sandor Clegane (The Hound) duel, and The Hound wins, making a truly nasty cut on Beric's shoulder. In a surprising twist for a show/books that usually take life from our characters, Thoros brings Beric back to life. We like Beric already.

Thoros has done this six times now, and Beric doesn't seem to love being undead. It changes you. Beric accepts it though, for now. It's really hard for us not to say spoily things about this whole thing (and many other things). Arya is frustratingly close to home. We are glad The Hound lived, although it would have been cool if Arya had stabbed him.

Thoros is going to take Arya to Robb and sell her back to him, and Gendry decides to stay and work for the Brotherhood as a blacksmith. All the Feels Moment #1: Arya wanting Gendry to come with her and offering to be his family. Leeard ships these two so hard. Maybe in due time? When Arya gets a little older?

Hey, who wanted to see Jaime's nasty, rotting stub? None of you? That's what we thought. Poor guy. He's on his way to being somewhat of a human being, but it sucks when you have to go through that much serious pain to get there. We guess Jaime is really attached to his useless right arm. Maybe he anticipates fixing a dagger or a hook to it?

All the Feels Moment #2: The bathtub scene. Even though people disagree on whether Jaime sees Brienne in a romantic way (or whether he should), nearly everyone loves their relationship. It's cool to see them earn each other's respect, even though they are so different. She is clearly good for him in that he takes significant steps toward, you know, being an actual human being while in her company.

Jaime explains to Brienne that stabbing the mad king in the back was kind of a good thing, and she seems to agree. Nikolaj acts better than we've ever seen him during this scene. Then he passes out and Brienne has to save him from drowning, just as he asks her to call him by his first name.

In the book, Jaime thinks, "She was strong and gentler than he would have thought. Gentler than Cersei." That's why we think that he could eventually see Brienne that way. Leeard does not ship these two, but Ern thinks he needs to tap someone, anyone, who is not his sister. Also, Brienne showed off a very pretty body. Hopefully that shuts up all our guy friends who can't get past their reaction of "ew, gross" whenever the character comes up in conversation.

It's about time Ygritte took Jon Snow's virginity. All the Feels Moment #3. It's realistic that Ygritte would be that thin, but wow. That was alarming. Almost unattractively thin, at least to our eyes. Those scenes were sweet, but we hardly saw a mother-effing thing. Okay, we are all watching Game of Thrones, so we obviously don't mind sex scenes.

That was so PG-13...oh wait. A woman was enjoying herself in the beginning, which automatically makes it NC-17 (y'all have seen "This Film is Not Yet Rated," right?) Still, we get to see dozens of nasty whore scenes, not to mention Theon drilling that one girl on the ship, and then we don't get to see a sex scene we'd actually like? Unfair.

Remember that dude with the son that Jaime killed? The one who freaked out? Well, he went and did it this time. After Robb's uncle brought him two young Lannister hostages that Robb didn't even want, the vengeful Karstark guy took about a handful of guys and killed the kids. Robb, Catelyn, and Talisa were upset, because they were innocent boys. Robb wanted justice. All the Feels Moment #4.

Talisa and Catelyn warned Robb that he would upset the Karstarks and lose half his army. Robb felt that he had to do the right thing and beheaded the Lord. The women were right about the consequences, so Robb has to change tactics and attack Casterly Rock, Tywin Lannister's home. He also mentioned using the Freys in some way. Robb is so hot. We love Robb.


We thought the show had cut Stannis Baratheon's sweet, but deformed daughter. His wife's creepiness rival's that of Cat's sister. Has the show properly explained why Davos is called The Onion Knight? We guess it doesn't matter much. Shireen is going to teach Davos to read. She's adorable. That's All the Feels Moment #5.

Having an Olenna/Tyrion scene was an inspired stroke. They are both so sarcastic and witty. However, we expected more from a scene with those two. It was just okay. At least Tyrion gets the Tyrells to pay for half of the royal wedding. Tyrion goes to his father with that news, all pleased, but of course his father doesn't give a crap.

Tywin has found out (in a hilarious way) that the Tyrells are planning to marry Sansa to Loras, stealing "the key to the North." Tywin points out an oft-ignored fact: If Sansa's brothers are dead, she is the heir to Winterfell. To keep Sansa in the family, Tywin orderes Tyrion to marry her. Tyrion feels awful about this. He's such a good guy (for a "lecherous little stump"). All the Feels Moment #6.

Who gets to marry Loras? Cersei. That will strengthen bonds with the Tyrells. Cersei is really upset. All the Feels Moment #7. Cersei loves Jaime, obviously, and she is traumatized from being sold off to Robert. Plus, everyone except Sansa knows that Loras is reeeeeal gay.

Cersei begs her father, sounding a little panicked, not to do this to her again, but Tywin is the biggest ass on the whole show except for his grandson. Joffrey, thankfully, was missing this week. We could have used more Margaery though. We luuuurrrve her.

Dany's army is grateful, and her two old guy allies are starting to bicker. There wasn't a boring moment in this episode. We like to touch base with Dany, even though nothing really happened with her this week. It's still good to see her. She's the character who is dropped the most often, isn't she?

We want to specifically warn you guys to stay away from spoilers and readers of the book. Leeard hasn't read the books, but she got spoiled by tumblr. You'll find out soon enough. You will want to kill yourself, like Leeard wanted to, if you get spoiled. (Leeard chose life, but Ern may still kill her for spoiling herself). We're going to discuss a big future event after the jump, so please don't read it if you haven't read the books.

Episode grade: A