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Thursday, September 9, 2010

America's. Next. Top. Model. Meet the girls.

First row, left to right- Kayla, Chelsey, Kendal, Ann, Esther, Lexie, Liz, Jane
Back row, left to right- Kacey, Sara, Rhianna, Anamaria, Chris, Terra

Oh Tyra. You look good this year, but you’re obviously still a crazy narcissist. The beginning of the season was all about Tyra, with her actually re-enacting her own success story. She claimed to be “discovered” on the first day of the 9th grade. How? Someone came up to her and said, “Are you a model?” This planted an idea in her head, and after years of struggling to break into the industry, she finally did. If being asked “are you a model?” qualifies as being discovered, then I have discovered a few models myself. This seasons is going to be all about high fashion, and I approve. One of the prizes is to appear in “Italian Vogue".

They immediately got rid of the “mean, arrogant” girl. It was too obvious, and that girl seemed pretty smart. I didn’t buy her arrogance. It was too self-aware. I think she was trying to package herself to get on the show. She said things like, “Girls here are already threatened,” “I’m used to getting what I want,” and “I’m one of the most attractive girls here.” She also described herself as rich. Sorry girl, you’re not the next Jade. I MISS JADE SO MUCH. She was the funniest thing to ever grace that show. Someone read one of the eliminated girls’ diary. Now, if you read someone else’s diary, you have no right to get mad at them and chew them out for not liking what you read there. But these girls do not know that. The diary said, “I almost had to room with this black girl. Ew.” Sounded racist to me, but apparently the girl didn’t like that particular black girl. She got eliminated anyway. They also got rid of a snooty anti-consumerist who looked like a busted Lady Gaga (redundant?), because it didn’t seem like she wanted it.

Now for the girls. They are all pretty weird. This season might be good just because of the entertainment potential of these girls. The show seems to be going for entertainment value over finding an actual model. Anyway, here they are:

Anamaria- All of these girls are scary thin (no plus-sizers this time), but Anamaria looks sickly from some angles, especially in the back of the arms. Cue eating disorder rumors!

Ann- People says she looks “high fashion.” She’s the girl with the small waist. I think her face is hopelessly funny looking. She’s awkward, with ears like Alfalfa. Over six feet tall and already shunned by the other girls for being weird.

Chelsey- Has a little “Sookie Stackhouse” look going on with the blonde hair and the gap in her teeth.

Esther- Has size G boobs, but is doing a pretty good job of hiding them by wearing baggy sack shirts and slouching.

Jane- Really pretty. I’d kill for her jawline. She went to Princeton (I guess she is taking a year off) and had ponies growing up.

Kacey- This girl is NOT going to win. She has bags under her eyes and ageing already. Not that ageing is bad or anything, but this industry isn’t kind to it.

Kayla- Looks kind of like Portia De Rossi. She’s my favorite so far, as a person. She’s sweet, and her look is unique, yet still attractive.

Kendal- A virgin, because she has some sort of phobia against semen.

Lexie- A blonde who runs drama.

Liz- Probably the best-looking girl this season.

Rhianna- The bohemian one. She bored me, but she might do well in the competition because her look is in.

Sara- The rapper. It was so bad. Way worse than previous ANTM rapping models.

Terra and Chris- These sisters are hilarious. Chris is the louder one, but they play off each other nicely. Chris looks too commercial for this season, I think. I died laughing at their reactions when they both got through. I thought they had been possessed by really happy, loud demons.

We have all the ingredients to keep Top Model reality TV gold. We have a tragic story (someone had to sleep in a sleeping bag because her parents were too poor to buy her a bed). Two girls have babies. No big drama or creative photo shoots yet, but I'm hopeful.

Episode grade- B-


  1. My favorite part was when Mr Jay were talking about one of the girls seeming "lost" in her photo, and Tyra, without a hint of self-irony, was like, "We'll have to find her". Tyra thinks of herself as such a Good Samaritan on ANTM, as if she's saving their lives from the horrors of obscurity!

    My early favorite is Liz because she seemed the least irritating and she's super-pretty.

  2. I totally missed that line! That's sounds so much like Tyra though.

    I liked Liz too. The pretty one never goes that far though.