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Friday, December 2, 2011

Drew and Astro Leave The X-Factor

We mourn for Drew. She was one of our favorites. That was a shocker. Melanie is better though.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

American Horror Story - Spooky Little Girl

Oh this stupid show. So entertaining, yet so bats*** insane. It’s what gets Ern up on a Thursday morning. The alarm rings, and Ern doesn’t want to get out of bed, because there is studying to do. As a compromise, she turns on AHS and gets back in her bed. By the end of the episode, Ern is usually fully awake and sometimes pretty annoyed. The antichrist stuff has GOT to go. We were all wondering how this show was going to top itself since it started being outrageous from the get-go. Everything needs a grand finale. What, is the house going to cave in and reveal the mouth of hell? Ryan Murphy said we shouldn’t necessarily trust that what a character said is true. We hope this is one of those cases.

We hope there is an endgame for this show that is worth it. We recently read that, in the next episode, we will find out whether Violet is dead, so we are looking forward to that. We will also get to find out Larry’s whole story and why Tate shot up his school, including what influence he was under, if any. So next week is not a week to miss for this show’s fans. We count ourselves as two of them.

The episode opened with a flashback to 1947. Mena Suvari, playing the Black Dahlia (hereafter known as BD), walks up to the murder house to get a cavity filled. Yep, a creepy dentist used to live in the house, played by Joshua Malina. The dentist puts BD under and has sex with her unconscious body (classy). She ends up dead, and the good doctor Frankenstein ghost helps the dentist chop BD up. The dentist disposes of the body in a yard.

Moira has upped her slut game but Ben continues to resist her, even with Vivian stuck in the psych ward. Moira lets Constance know that Tate impregnated Vivian. Constance is upset by this. She wants Ben to get her son his mental health back, even though he is dead and that ship has sailed. Can ghosts heal their crazy? Travis and Constance argue, sending Travis straight into Ghost Hayden’s arms/bed. Hayden wanted to see if she could still have sex with someone who is alive. Hayden’s sister arrives with a cop, looking for her Hayden. Hayden shows up at that exact moment to get Ben out of trouble and suspicion (temporarily). When the cop and sister leave, Hayden tells Ben that she is back in her right mind, that she got an abortion, and that Ben need not worry anymore.

Ben gets a visit from BD, who informs him that she needs a shrink but can only pay in sex. Vivian’s doctor calls Ben and tells him that Vivian’s twins have two fathers. This is a real thing that can happen. It’s very rare, but if a woman has sex with two different men in a 48-hour period when she is ovulating, she can conceive two babies, one for each father. So one baby is the Tate/Demon baby and one is Ben’s. Moira and BD start making out on the couch in order to seduce Ben, which doesn’t work. He fires Moira (yeah, like that’s going to keep her out) and sends BD away.

Ben visits his wife and reads her the riot act for cheating and then acting all self-righteous. Vivian is drugged, so she can’t respond. Back home, Ben tells Hayden that they “weren’t meant to be” so Hayden makes up a story that Vivian slept with the hunky, black security guard, Luke. Well THAT theory will be effectively disproved when both babies come out white. For now, Ben buys it. He calls Luke over. Luke informs Ben that his sperm can’t make babies. Ben starts to believe that Vivian is telling the sane truth about being raped, and he asks Moira about it. As Moira exits the house, in the doorway, she lets Ben see her “old woman form” and congratulates Ben on “finally beginning to see things as they are.” Yay!

Constance asks Travis to marry her, telling him that his acting career will never happen. He gets angry and runs back to Hayden’s bed. Hayden gets stabby on him, murdering him after sex. That’s what he gets for not taking care of Hayden’s needs and running off. They are even now. “Would you mind finishing yourself?” is never an acceptable question to ask after sex. The ghosts get Larry to dispose of Travis’ body, all cut up like BD’s. We guess that Ryan Murphy is an equal-opportunity butcherer. He will maim a man’s body along with a woman’s. We respect that, in a weird way.

Constance goes to visit Vivian, and Vivian tells her that she was raped, but she is trying to pretend that she doesn’t believe she was anymore. Vivian wants out of the nasty psych ward. We would too. Constance goes home and asks Billie Dean the Medium what happens when ghosts and humans mate, just to see what sort of grandchild she can expect. That’s when Billie Dean tells Constance about a box the Catholic Pope has. Inside the box are details about the antichrist. Apparently, he will be born of a human and a spirit, like Jesus, only the wrong version. This child will usher in the end of times. Ugh.

Episode grade: B-

Back to studying...

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Glee - "I Kissed a Girl"

Ugh. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. This show is so insane. We can only watch one or two Tuesday night show, because of exams (which end December 14th, by the way, in case this is annoying you and you want to see the light at the end of our blog-slacking tunnel), and we chose Glee. We should have picked Parenthood, Ringer, New Girl (which one of us will be watching), or Sons of Anarchy, because Glee just hacked us off anew.

What we liked:

Sue's booty call list.

Burt Hummel won the election. He should win everything. The nicest things should happen to Burt Hummel. We should make him king. Of the world.

Santana’s Abuela rejecting her. Santana’s parents were cool with it and Burt was more than cool with Kurt’s sexuality. But the reality is that a lot of really old people are whack and care more about appearances than truth. At least the Abuela was honest about her real reasons for throwing Santana out. When Santana said, “I am the same person I was one minute ago,” it broke our hearts a little.

While Santana’s meanness was a little too much last episode, it was well-placed and understandable in this one. Santana was never going to react well to kindness from Finn and the others. She has been mean to them. They call it “killing them” with kindness for a reason. It’s heaps of burning coals.

We like any P!nk song, really, so covering “Perfect” was fine, even though the boys butchered it. We also liked that they slowed down “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” and that Santana melted a little during it.

Shelby realized her mistake in sleeping with Puck quickly and threw him out. It’s hard to hate her.

“Fetus Face.”

"While there's nothing I'd love more than having two pretty ponies serenade me, I think we'd get further staging a gel-ervention for Blaine than singing lady music." … "I'm trying, but your hideous bowties are preventing me." Thank you, Santana. Why is Blaine’s style icon Tucker Carlson?

“You're higher maintenance than Berry and pretty much the most selfish person I ever met in my life. So, thanks for the offer but I'd rather raw-dog a beehive." – Puck

"The advantage of a relationship with a younger dude is that I've still got four more rounds in me before I need a steak sandwich and a Coke Zero."- Puck, again

What was insane:
Once again, Damian McGinty was on this episode, but they only showed him for about two seconds. Way to cheat a kid out of his seven episodes rather than write him a likeable, memorable character.

We’re sick of Kurt’s autotuned harmony ruining perfectly good Blaine solos. Give them each their own songs from now on. We enjoy Kurt’s solos, for the most part. We don’t think they go well together. Just look at last season’s “Candles.” Bleck.

Rachel is not that stupid. She would have known that she had to empty some ballots from the other box in order to succeed.

PUCK YOU IDIOT. Why would you tell Quinn about sleeping with Shelby. And on that note, YOU SLEPT WITH SHELBY. Puck knew Quinn was crazy and still told her a secret that could hurt the person that QUINN IS TRYING TO HURT. Honestly, all of these characters are so stupid sometimes that they deserve to die.

We’ve gone so long without a substantial, powerhouse Rachel solo that it is physically hurting us. West Side Story was too high and sweet for her. Give her Babs to sing and call it a day. When Rachel announced that she is banned from Sectionals, she might as well have said, “Hey Ern and Leeard, there is now no reason for you to tune in for Sectionals.” Leeard has already been disliking this new season; this development doesn't help.

While one of the five best female voices we’ve ever heard in our lives is sidelined, Finn gets a solo. With harmony from Artie. This is hell.

Finn’s sincerity was just too much. His campaign to stop Santana from killing herself felt patronizing and after-school-special-y. His support came out of nowhere and his speech about how awesome she is just felt manipulative.

Must Glee cover every Katy Perry song ever written? We get that they are popular, upbeat, catchy, and rife with opportunities for harmonies, however there are other songs like that. The Glee writers need to get Pandora and just listen to it 24/7 for a month. We'll pay for the upgrade, even.

We couldn’t care less about the Sue/Cooter/Beiste triangle. That’s the least titillating or romantic triangle of all time. The Cooter thing was cute when he was into Beiste, but that’s one of the storylines that just should have gotten dropped after that. We wanted to think of them as just dating, forever, until there was a wedding. That way, Beiste would be happy and Will would never have to pity kiss her again.

“Jolene” is one of the best songs of all time, so ruining it is nearly unforgivable. "Constant Craving" was boring (even if it was the best song this week), and so was “I’m the Only One.”

It just seemed like they were back to throwing crazy plots against the wall and seeing what sticks. It should set up a bunch of stuff, but it drove us crazy. Please, show, use Rachel before you lose her. Make her sympathetic again. Let her sing a big song at least every other episode. Make her gain a little weight so that her face is pretty again. Force her to grow out those harsh bangs. Get her away from Finn. We think a certain commenter's Finn hate is rubbing off on us (well, one of us).

Episode grade: C

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Pretty Little Liars renewed for a third a taste of what's to come

Pretty Little Liars has been renewed for a third season, consisting of 24 episodes. The second half of season two starts on January 2nd, and an official description gave us the following info:

  • The story will pick up one month from the events in the summer finale (there's a one-month time jump since the four girls were arrested)
  • Emily "has been iced out completely"
  • The girls are no longer "the mighty four best friends" and they are at each other's throats
  • "A lot has changed in Rosewood"
And yayyy!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Dexter, Homeland, Once Upon a Time

Homeland - Crossfire
We are so glad that this show finally addressed a reason for Brody turning traitor. That has been the weak spot of the show for us. Do terrorists really have arguments that would turn an American soldier? Could it really be just because a terrorist was nice to Brody? Was it just religion? No. It’s because they killed his pupil, the cutest little kid in the world, and covered it up. Nice play, show. “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” was never so adorable. We're not mad that Brody's allegiances have been revealed so early. The show has built up enough goodwill that we trust it.
Episode grade: B
Once Upon a Time - That Still Small Voice
What happened in the fairy world was touching and felt like a real fairy tale. There was even some morbidity (with the dolls) that the show has been missing thus far. We loved the Jiminy Cricket backstory. But why couldn't he get away from his parents? The real world storyline was less interesting. It was a tamer version of what happened to Jack and Charlie in LOST’s early episodes. Mehhhh. The Prince Charming/Mary Margaret stuff was really sweet though, and we like that she resigned from volunteering. He will have to chase her down. It’s always nice to be able to root for a woman who isn’t about to steal someone else’s husband.
Episode grade: B
Dexter - Get Gellar
OM MY GOODNESS, WE CAN’T BELIEVE IT! Oh wait, we totally can, because we called that ages ago. We are disappointed in the writers for doing something so unoriginal and something that was so easy to call. Even the blogger who never guesses things guessed this one. Ugh.
Episode grade: C-

The Walking Dead has its midseason finale

The Walking Dead has been boring nearly everyone lately. Sure, there are some people who think this is one of the best seasons ever. But there are others who realize that if you skipped any one of the past five episodes and then just jumped back in, you wouldn’t even notice that you had missed anything. There are too many stretches of this show where people walk and look grim. The pauses between dialogue are too long. Speaking of dialogue, the show could get better at that. The dialogue is hardly ever interesting on this show.

One thing we like about the first half of this season is Hershel and his creepy theory that the Walkers aren’t dead, just diseased. The fact that he was keeping a bunch of Walkers in his barn in order to wait for them to be healed is just psycho. It’s probably a realistic response for someone to have though. Obviously, the best thing about last night was dead Sophia, which shocked a good number of viewers and effectively ended the “meander around looking for Sophia” storyline, which could have been done in a lot less time. Hershel will probably order everyone off of his farm now, for good. We think that the gang should steal the farm from him, but that’s just us. We’re brutal.

Shane and Daryl are the season MVPs so far, with Shane making things interesting and Daryl showing some depth. These characters are mostly pretty flat, but giving Daryl a good side gives us hope for this show. We also like Maggie. We really only like Rick because he’s a good guy and he’s hot. His character could get better as a character. We are annoyed by horn-dog, comic-relief Glenn, when before we respected him for being brave. Lori … ugh. The fact that she didn’t know that the morning after pill won’t abort her WEEKS OLD FETUS made us hate her. Possibly forever. What a dumb ass.

Andrea needs to quit looking anguished and Dale needs to leave her alone. We’re glad that Rick knows that Lori slept with Shane. That needed to not drag that out. Will the gang be mad at Hershel for keeping Sophia in the barn and allowing the gang to go out in the woods looking for her all the time, endangering themselves? This show is about to lose real-time status with us and become a DVD show. We think it would be better if we could watch all of these slow episodes in a row. We still want to watch the show, but if this is the way it's going to be, we want to binge it in a day, not stick with it for weeks.

Episode grade: B+
Grade for the first half of the season, as a whole: C+

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Pan Am and Man Up! Effectively Canceled

Tvbythenumbers is reporting that Pan Am and Man Up! are really close to being canceled, which is not unexpected news. Leeard is truly (and unexpectedly) bummed about Pan Am.

UPDATE: Karine Vanasse tweeted- "Well, we received THE call. Pan Am is only coming back for one more episode after Christmas. But up to the end, we'll give it our all.

Later, it was revealed that the show will actually have 14 episodes total for its first season. ABC ordered one more. Things are looking grim for a season 2 though.

Go here and scroll down to the chart for the status of your favorite shows.