The Vampire Diaries- The ways to make it good again (and whether this new season is taking advantage of said ways)

The Vampire Diaries used to be one of the most shockingly good guilty pleasures ever to suck us in and force us to start defending it. Then the last season amped up all its worst elements, ditched every aspect we liked and bored us to death. The three biggest culprits? 1) The cure and the search for it. 2) The Sire Bond and 3) The Originals. Why? Because the cure was less of a mystery and more of a search for something, and this is a show that thrives on mystery. Plus, we were sitting there thinking that Elena was going to be cured and the twist of the last season finale would be moot. Fortunately, the show saved itself by humaning Katherine instead. 

The sire bond sucked because no one wanted Elena to get with Damon because of a supernatural compulsion. We wanted her to choose him, to fall, to finally be fed up with Stefan, and for Damon to actually deserve her in that moment. Instead, we got a cop out. Perfect Elena couldn't choose Damon…she had to be forced too. Plus, it was all a little rape-y. Chicks don't dig rape-y (we're chicks). The show pulled it together by breaking the bond and having Elena still choose Damon in the end. But it could have been so much more delicious. See: The Killing Dance by Laurel K Hamilton (you have to start with Guilty Pleasures in that series and stop after Obsidian Butterfly, but when you see this situation handled with no sire bond, you'll see how great Delena could have been…and weep). 

The Originals were not only whiney and boring, they did nothing but mull around and threaten to do bad things. Two seasons with them were seasons of inaction, for the most part. They were too busy backstabbing each other, drinking, and teasing people to really get down to evil plans. Th sonly reason we are tuning in this year is because they are gone. Will we watch their new show? Never.

Since they are gone, we will give TVD another chance. How is it going after five episodes? Have the writers fixed the problems? Let's see.

1. The Fix: No more fake deaths. Has it been fixed?: No, the show hasn't fixed this. Think to yourself: who on this show hasn't fake died only to not really be dead or to be resurrected? Almost fucking no one. And it takes the stakes away. Now, every time someone dies, we can't mourn in the moment or be shocked because we are too busy knowing that they will probably back. We sit there wondering how rather than crying. We knew Bonnie was coming back this entire time, and now we know how. Silas can trade his life for hers. Ho hum, snore. Her funeral scene was actually really touching. But it's ruined now. Still, we're pretty glad Katherine is still alive. To fix this annoying problem, the show needs to have some character (like a witch) tamper with the veil so that no one can ever come back from the dead unless they are being turned into a vampire. No more resurrections; no more ghosts. Then when a character gets their neck cracked, viewers will sit up and take notice. 
2. The Fix: More human characters. Everyone on the show is supernatural, but we need moments of every day bravery and friendship. We need humans to be shocked at what is going on and for the good supernatural characters to protect. Matt is not enough. Has it been fixed?: Yeah! Well, it's starting to get fixed. We have the creepy college professor, who we love. Katherine took the cure and was seen fighting a sinus infection (ha!). And Elena is making friends with a student whose life is as depressing as hers. Aaron. Jesse was a good one, until he got turned. At least he's still hot as hell. College is full of potential human love interests, victims, and friends. By widening the potential character pool, the show is promising us new life.
3. The Fix: Proactive heroes. Has it been fixed? Not really. Elena seems to care only about her own circle of friends and loved ones. We want characters who go hunting for evil and who actively protect their town. Where is the vampire neighborhood watch? Jeremy is a vampire hunter who never seems to go on an actual vampire hunt. Caroline and Elena are more focused on having a fun, typical college experience than putting their super powers to good use. Instead of waiting for baddies to go after them, we'd like to see the characters start hunting some baddies, vigilante style. Elena has the physical strength to be a bad ass FINALLY, and yet she was more bad ass when she was a human? Questionable, show. Questionable. 
4. The Fix: Break up Delena. Has it been fixed? No, but at least an episode had Elena remembering how great Stefan was before he started ripping heads off. Amnesia is usually lame, but Stefan's memory loss gave Elena a reason to go over the way they met and remember what she gave up. Stelena was one of the most healthy, supportive, equal relationships in TV history, and we don't think Damon earned Elena yet. He's not far enough away from the serial killer he used to be. Elena should ditch both guys (after Damon does something awful and makes a huge mistake) and date someone who has never serial killed anyone for a while. A real contender too, not just a red herring. We'd like to wonder, "Hey, could she actually end up with someone who isn't one of the Salvatore brothers?" Not Aaron…he's not hot enough. Someone human. A college senior. Then have both Salvatore brothers in agony trying to win her back. That's the tension we need.
5. The Fix: Better baddies. Has it been fixed? Sigh. A little. We don't like doppelgänger baddies. Just hire a new actor! The doppelgänger crap barely worked with Terry O'Quinn on LOST, and that was TERRY O'QUINN. Sorry, but no one on The Vampire Diaries is strong enough of an actor that they can't compete with Terry on the plane of "let's create another character for them, because we love having them around" except for Nina Dobrev. Nina is by far the best performer on the show. Also, the show is still giving the bad guy the same personality as Klaus. A slow-moving, threatening whiner. Silas is Klaus 2.0, but we don't even have the fun Klaroline subplot. Silas needs to go. The "little bit" that has been fixed, villain-wise is a) Qetsiyah and b) the college prof. We like them and think that they can take the show places whiner baddies can't. 
6. The Fix: Institute some kind of panel of authority. Has it been fixed? No, but having a secret society of (we think) college professors guarding the school from vamps is a start. Just read the Harry Dresden books to find out that the White Counsel of wizards is probably the most fun aspect of the series to read about. There is something about the heroes rebelling against authority and having the authority misjudge them that hits a good note with the audience. This show just has random transients with powers running around and getting into conflict. A government can provide more tension. 
7. The Fix: Widen the supernatural pool and don't introduce the most powerful of their kind for a long time. Also, move some of the focus out of Mystic Falls. Has it been fixed? Well, we have the travelers. Not a new concept in this genre, but we will take it. We can't be scared of vampire enemies ever again, because the Originals were the most powerful of their kind. They were brought in too soon. But there are several mythological creatures to choose from. We wouldn't even mind the show dipping into religious mythology. Supernatural had its best seasons once it brought on the angels. The Vampire Diaries could do a darker, sexier spin on that idea. (Wait. Never mind. Nothing is sexier than Castiel.) As far as the new locale, college doesn't seem like a forced new territory AND it's really working. The show has fully tapped the mysteries of the small town. It's time to move on. These characters are hundreds of years old, for the most part, and shouldn't be holed up in one area.
8. The Fix: Get another mystery going and then bring on the twists that made the first few seasons so fun. Has it been fixed?- YES, and the pacing is awesome. We have Katherine's daughter, the reveal of Qetsiyah, and the question of what in the darn hell that teacher is up to. Unanswered questions keep us coming back for more (see: LOST), and this show is churning out the head scratchers again. Last season, the questions were a) when is Klaus finally going to make a real move and b) who is going to get the cure/where is the cure. And that's IT. Not enough. Now, we even have Elena's parents as part of the mystery. That worked for Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, so it should work here too. 
9. The Fix: More mature characters. Has it been fixed? No, and it's grating on our last nerve. These characters are teenagers with powers even when they are old as dirt. The writers need to sit down and watch Blast from the Past. The characters need to show their age instead of hold petty grudges and lack any amount of wisdom. Elena Gilbert and Caroline Forbes are 18 years old and have more maturity then any older character on this show. The Originals were so stupid! We needed some reminder of the age gaps. Sheeeee-it, they aren't even trying. Silas wakes up after 2,000 years. The last thing he remembers is ancient fucking Greece. AND HE SPEAKS AND ACTS LIKE HE'S BEEN IN OUR CULTURE FOREVER! Now, we know what you're thinking: He can read people's minds. He's been getting his behavior and speech from everyone else, and they are modern. Still. No.
10. The Fix: More bromances/emphasis on non-sexual relationships. Has it been fixed? Yes. While nothing can replace Damon and Alaric, seeing Stefan calling Caroline his best friend is awesome. Elena might find a bro of her own in Aaron. Das goooooood.

Overall, the show has made significant steps in the right direction and the first five episodes of this season are enough to renew our faith that last season was a sad fluke. There are still some repeated mistakes, but it's so rare that a show goes uphill after a stumble that we are ready to forgive it. Keep it up, show. We're still fans. Just never ever ever bring the originals back, even when their show fails.

Burning TV questions that only time can answer/things we're worried about:

1. Will they drag Pretty Little Liars on too long?
2. Will Supernatural ever be good again? Will Homeland be able to match the quality of its first season next year? 
3. Will Breaking Bad and Dexter have endings worthy of them? And can they please let Jesse Pinkman live?
4. Will George R.R. Martin's sixth book be better than four and five? Will he actually end it on the seventh? Can he finish on time to stay ahead of the show?
5. Will the next crop of new shows be better than the new shows last year, of which there was maybe one good effort?
6. Has Once Upon a Time completely lost its thunder, and will the show ever make sense? Ditto The Vampire Diaries.
7. Will the 24 reunion be good, or will it be like 24:Redemption, the awful movie?
8. Will they make more of the (still excellent) Arrested Development series or will the haters shut it down?
9. Will people inexplicably keep watching Arrow and keep it on the air?
10. Will Bunheads ever have anything resembling a plot?

ERGHHHH

Glee, The Office, The Vampire Diaries, and Grey's Anatomy finales

• Glee: Dull, mostly lame songs, a Wemma wedding no one cares about, and no death of an annoying character. We have to wait to find out what happens with Blaine's proposal and Rachel's audition, the only two things we care about. Catfish's identity was super predictable, as was Ryder's reaction. Episode grade C-. Season grade B-
• The Office: This was the big one, and it was very nearly perfect. Michael came back and has kids, Dwight is married and in love, Pam and Jim ended things perfectly, Erin found her parents, Creed was finally brought to justice, Nelly got a baby, Ryan and Kelly got what they deserved, and we finally got to see Mose talk! We didn't know he could. This show should have ended three years ago, but this finale was perfect. Seasons 6-8 were terrible, but season 9 as a whole was watchable. Episode grade A. Season grade: B
• The Vampire Diaries: This season drained our will to even watch this show. We're so glad the sire bond is gone and Elena and Damon are together by choice. We are also glad that Elena didn't take the cure. It's good that Bonnie died because now there is no one around to magic the cast out of every single problem they face. Knowing this show, they will bring her back. The finale was pretty good, but the season as a whole was a disappointment. Episode grade B. Season Grade C
• Grey's Anatomy: Arizona whyyyyy. We like that it wasn't just about lust and that the show brought the affair back to the leg trauma. Just when you think things are buried... We kind of hope the Chief is dead. His character has run its course and the cast is too huge. LOVED April telling Jackson she wanted him, even after Matt's cute/dorky proposal. We're so glad that Meredith and her baby are healthy. We always knew they would be. Meredith has been through so much on this show that even Shonda knows it would be ridiculous to hurt her like that. Owen and Cristina are broken up...again. They do this every season, so we're not buying it. You don't spend four seasons on a couple if they aren't endgame (unless a cast member is leaving, like Callie, Izzie, George, Burke, etc). Episode grade B+. Season grade B.

We're working on getting caught up before all the big finales...

But there is no way we are watching the backdoor pilot for The Originals. That sounds like worse torture than what Elena went through last week.

Nope. We couldn't care less about that family anymore.

The Vampire Diaries: Season 4, Episodes 12-15

Clearly, it's time for a Vampire Diaries post. We've been rolling our eyes and shaking our imaginary dicks at this show for a few weeks, because we didn't think it would have the balls to let anything actually happen. We have a fake relationship due to the sire bond (Delena) and a fake turning to vampirism (Elena, since there is a cure), and that's basically what the whole season has been about. We wanted those things to happen, but for REAL. No take-backs.

The Vampire Diaries- Season 4, Episode 11

Catch Me If You Can- We were going to double up on this show for next week, but a commenter wanted this week's post now. More proof of how much comments affect us, haha. The episode opens in the bar full of dead people. Klaus tells Jeremy to kill them before they all kill Matt, which he is going to compel them to do. Jeremy kills one as he and Matt run to the lake house, and Elena saves Matt from another. Damon also helps. The vampires can't get into the house, they are safe for now.

The Vampire Diaries- Season four, episode 10

Oh HELL yeah. It's about time. It's been so long since we've seen an A episode of this show, you guys, but the midseason premiere delivered. The first thing it gave us? Answers. We know who blew up the pastor and the council. We know who the next Big Bad will probably be (Silas). Thank God. We needed a new challenge.

The next thing it gave us was lots of good, old fashioned Elena triangle heartbreak. Rebekah forcing Elena to rip Stefan's heart out wasn't as sad as we thought it would be, but it was at least interesting. We felt bad for both Stefan and Elena when he said that he wanted Rebekah to compel him into forgetting his relationship with Ms. Gilbert. Ouch.

Vampire Diaries Spinoff Pilot Is Happening

We found out yesterday that this season, there will be a backdoor pilot for a show that is currently called The Originals. Klaus and his family go back to New Orleans, reunite with an old friend named Marcel, and take Hayley with them. Julie Plec will write this episode and be the showrunner.

Our reaction? What a stupid idea for a show! And they are going to spend a whole episode of the Vampire Diaries on this? Klaus as a main character?!! He's the worst person! He's charming and Byronic on TVD when he's surrounded by good guys and wooing Caroline. But just him and his family? Bleck. This is going to ruin the lives of Klaroline shippers. 

Also, we like Rebekah and Elijah on TVD. Still, it might be nice to have Klaus gone, finally. He's turned into a whiner and not much of a threat on the show. We need new bad guys. We like the character for the most part, but we don't like what he's been doing to this show's plots. We think the backdoor pilot will fail and not be picked up. 

The Vampire Diaries- season 4, episode 9

By Gage Skidmore  Uploaded by MyCanon (The Vampire Diaries) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

We're just going to ignore Elena's sire bond for most of this post. It's not romantic, it leads to sexist places, it's a cop-out, it cheapens the show's relationships, and it's boring. It's dragging down the show, hard. Now Stefan is all mad because Damon didn't break things off right away, but Damon ends up doing it at the end of this episode, blah blah blah, we don't give a scheiste (that's Ern's made-up German word that Leeard hates). It's time to end the triangle. We know they won't.

The Vampire Diaries. Groan.

By vagueonthehow from Tadcaster, York, England (Ian Somerhalder  Uploaded by MaybeMaybeMaybe) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

My Brother's Keeper
We don't love what they are doing with Jeremy because the hunter instinct is taking over him. It's too repetitive. We saw this with Alaric already. The show needs to let Jeremy keep his free will and slowly come to the conclusion that he should kill vampires. Leeard was hating Caroline and Tyler this week, and she continued hating them in the next episode. The big news of this episode was that Damon and Elena have sex right as Caroline and Stefan are figuring out that Elena is sired to Damon. Whoa.

Everything that happened this season makes sense once you know about the sire bond. But is this the best way to have Damon and Elena seal the deal for the first time? Would it be SO TERRIBLE to have perfect, compassionate, sweet little Elena sleep with Damon because she's lusty and she wants Damon? Being sired should not have been the reason they hooked up. The show should have had the balls to take Elena there as a woman making a gutsy choice. Super hot scene though. Thank God Damon didn't know, or it would have been rape-y and ruined his character for us forever.

We'll Always Have Bourbon Street
We loved the dress Elena wore to school and in the beginning of the episode. Female friendships are so great on this show. Still, this episode had way too much teen drama. What with Caroline whining about not liking her friend's boyfriend, the brothers fighting, and the endless talk about Elena's feelings, this episode certainly felt like it belonged on the CW. Caroline was being a jerk, but we can understand that because of what Damon did to her in season one. Why does this show always torture Caroline? It's extremely sad, yeah, but give her a break. We'd care if it were one of the other characters too. This one was a snore saved only by Lexi's presence.

We hate to say it, but this show might have lost what made it one of our favorite shows in the first place. It's not going anywhere. It seems to be biding time, making things up as it goes along, and protecting Elena from doing anything wrong, ever. It's not telling us a story we want to see the ending to. We trust these writers more than most, but only one episode this season has been up to the standard it set for itself in the first two seasons. It needs to let Elena legitimately go for the bad guy without giving her an easy out. If this is the only way this show can keep the love triangle alive, it needs to drop the triangle and just move on.

This show needs a shake-up. At this point, we want it to kill Elena, bring back Katherine, and have her, the Salvatore brothers, Caroline (as long as she starts being less judgmental), Rebekah, Klaus, and Matt leave Mystic Falls for another town, with an angry Jeremy, grieving for his sister, hunting them and trying to kill them. Also, cure Damon and make him a snarky human. Or how about this? Kill Stefan and Damon, have Elena get tougher, and then bring in new vampire love interests. Even Ern has to admit that Stefan is less sexy after the whole ripper thing, and what Damon did to Caroline in season one sort of ruined him too.

Stefan is too boring and "good boyfriend," and Damon has been an ass so long that we can't get onboard with that either, especially if it's not real/sired. Maybe they've both outlived their usefulness. Maybe we ship them with no one. We have many ideas and while many would anger fans, they would be a heck of a lot better than having the show write cop-outs and repeat the last three seasons. We will still watch in the hopes that this show can get its groove back. We believe it can.

My Brother's Keeper grade: C+
We'll Always Have Bourbon Street grade: C

This is reeeeeal late, but here it is: Glee, Parks, Grey's, Scandal, TVD

Parks and Recreation- Leslie vs. April
We were disappointed in Leslie this week for opposing April, but it led to funny things, and it's understandable that Leslie is still attached to that empty lot. The opening Joe Biden scene was awkward to us instead of funny, but Joe did a good job and it was a cute cameo. We're liking all the famous politicians popping up this season. It's always tasteful to make a fun, brief appearance on a critically acclaimed show. Andy got a security job? That is so much better than having that guy be an actual cop. Hoo boy. There were some fun lines about accounting, and we feel bad for the firm that keeps trying to hire Ben. It's best to have him out of there though for the sake of the show. Orin stole the episode with his Human Farm. We love him so much. He's used just enough though. Too much Orin would be bad.
Episode grade: B

Glee- Glease
We both hate and love that episode title. It was inevitable that Glee would do an entire Grease-themed episode with all the numbers exact copies of the scenes from the movie, so if you didn't like it, just rejoice that it's over and we can all move on. We thought it was okay. We didn't want to buy any of the songs since we've had the movie soundtrack since we were kids. We're glad Santana replaced Unique as Rizzo, but that's just going to prompt more Unique storylines as she tries to climb her way back into accepted exposure. We were so happy to see Rachel and Kurt after missing them last week. The show keeps repeating itself. We saw Rachel trying to throw up in season one, and now Marley tries it this season. Marley is adorable, but she was a little pathetic and dumb this week. She just needed to get a scale to see if she was actually gaining weight. You can't gain two inches in less than a week. It was obviously the clothes/a prank. Kate Hudson's character is evil, but we liked that development.
Episode grade: B-

Grey's Anatomy- Second Opinion
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Not only are Arizona's attitude and mobility improving, but Cristina is back for good! It wasn't a visit. She gets to do whatever she wants in the OR, and she's a pretty good teacher too. Cristina finding out that Owen fought hard to get her back had to make him want to die. This guy has really suffered for that one night stand. We're pretty sure Cristina will make him suffer a little longer too. At least for the rest of the season. We're getting sick of the drama with April and Jackson. April, just accept that you're in a sexual relationship or actually get out of it. We like the idea of Kate and Alex together. The big twist at the end was that the crash victims would be suing Seattle Grace and the "people who put them on that plane" --Owen. How does that work? Was the hospital negligent in plane selection or something. We're going to need to hear some details on that case, because it doesn't sound like the hospital is the best party to go after at all.
Episode grade: B+

Scandal- Spies Like Us
The case of the week was so interesting that we're not even going to complain at length about Hot President still being at the summit. We finally got some background on Huck, former spy. His colleagues were perfectly cast and assembled. THAT'S how spies would look. They wouldn't look like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. They would blend in. We felt bad for David Rosen, but we'll never feel bad for Abby. Olivia ended the episode closer to her ex than ever before. The president is going to get all broody over that, and we can't wait to see it. There's no sophomore slump for this show. 
Episode grade: A-

The Vampire Diaries- We All Go A Little Mad Sometimes
It's time for the show to move on from "Elena feels guilty" as the central conflict. We can't stay in that place for one more episode. We liked the hallucinations so that she actually had a reason to act all crazy and sad, but after this episode, a new problem needs to become more immediate. We're mad that Katherine wasn't real. The bulk of this episode was boring and filler. Klaus skulked around, killed a wolf, threatened Caroline (how dare he?!!), and tried to keep Elena safe. The best part was the end where Jeremy was awakened to his new purpose. That could lead to something a lot better than us watching Compassionate Elena cry over not being perfect. Boo frickety hoo. Let's get on with it. We want Man vs. Man, not Man vs. Himself.
Episode grade: B-

Glee focuses on Finn too much, Parks and Recreation gets going, Grey's Anatomy does the unthinkable, Scandal gives us a whole hour without Hot President, and The Vampire Diaries mishandles Elena

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Glee- The Role You Were Born to Play
Good things about this episode: Blake's appearance as Rider, Kitty's singing voice, and Mercedes coming back. Bad things: They wasted Mercedes on a boring song, Kitty is still a copy of Quinn and Sue mixed, all the Finn stuff played out like a bad after-school special, Unique is Rizzo instead of Kitty, Marley is getting to be a bland character (at least Rachel had ambition), no Rachel, no Kurt, no New York, we're not sure "weird, nice guy" is the best choice for Blake's character (since we already have Sam and we were looking forward to seeing him be the mean boy), and Finn is sticking around to coach the Glee club. Can we nominate anyone else? Quinn would have been a great sub! She's actually deep and intelligent. We didn't want any of the songs, but we liked Blaine's Hopelessly Devoted to You, and we also enjoyed Everybody Talks as a male/female duet.
Episode grade: C+

Parks and Recreation- Ben's Parents
Breaking Bad's Jonathan Banks (Mike) did a great job as Ben's crotchety dad. Ulani was pretty hilarious too. Ben's storyline made Ern think of her own parents, who are similar and don't enjoy sharing room space. There aren't enough unity quilts in the world... That's why we loved when Ben said, "Well, if there's anyone who can bring my parents together it's...NO ONE. No one can ever bring them together." Everyone else's storylines were good too. There wasn't a single stinker. Tom ditching Jean Ralphio was long overdue.

We've been wanting Ann and Chris to get back together for a long time, but he has to go through some stuff, and Ann has to become more independent and self-possessed. These things are happening! Did you guys know the guy playing Chris is 48 though? Holy moly, he looks good. Rashida Jones is 36. So does it work with the formula? (A man can date a woman if her age is at least "half his age plus 8.") That means he can date a 32-year-old without shame, so Ann is in! Yay. Also, Twizzlers are much better than Red Vines. The season slump is over! Ben and April are home!
Episode grade: A-

Grey's Anatomy- Beautiful Doom
They. Killed. Feeny. WHAT?! We actually teared up. Thank God Cristina could get on a plane. Your only friend is dead, Cristina, come hoooome. Come home for good. Has she? Please? We loved Meredith saving Melissa's life. Meredith is one of the most genuinely likable and compassionate TV characters now. We can't believe we wanted her dead in season three's ferry crash. Since she's not all flaky and tortured anymore, she's mature and no longer annoying. We liked her in seasons one and two, but in season three, she and Derek broke up for no reason. Then it took all of season four for Meredith to get her stuff together. Our favorite line was, "Who's letting her have gummy worms?!!...Doesn't matter."
Episode grade: B+

Scandal- All Roads Lead to Fitz
We got more information on the conspiracy. It includes tons of people, including the first lady and Cyrus. There's something to do with election rigging abilities. It's all surprisingly interesting. So Fitz wasn't really elected? He lost by less than 5,000 votes, and this week's murderer should have been president instead? That's what it looks like, but on this show, things aren't always what they seem. Clearly, the right guy is in office, because the governor is so obsessed with power and success that he literally doesn't want to live without them.

Abby is majorly betraying Olivia. The case of the week was entertaining, but we don't think that would fall under attorney/client privilege. She wasn't acting as his attorney, was she? She was acting as a fixer. That's arguable. She might be able to sneak it through. We knew the wife was having an affair the entire time, but we didn't know the husband knew until near the end. We missed Fitz, but we enjoyed so much forward-movement in this season's major arc.
Episode grade: B

The Vampire Diaries- The Killer
There were a lot of good things about this episode. First, we liked that Connor is dead and we love that Elena killed him. It was so bad ass and everything we've wanted to see from this character. It's a pity the episode ruined it right afterward. Plenty of characters have killed on this show, and while we like remorse, total crying breakdowns are annoying and sort of sexist. Only...Caroline is a good person too, and she didn't react like this. It makes sense for Elena to pause, look sad, and take a deep, mournful breath, but all of this drama? Bleck. We LIKE Elena and don't think she's a damsel. If you hate her, we feel your pain this week.

It's getting lame how much the show has to emphasize Elena's compassion. We know it's part of her character, but you wouldn't see this kind of reaction from any of the guys on this show. Why is a guy's primary character trait never "compassion"? Elena couldn't have her kick-ass moment even though it was self-defense. The show had to immediately turn her into a crying puddle again. Now, she hallucinates too! Of course, she still can't wipe her mouth, even though she can bury a guy.

We're interested in what's going on with Professor Shane and Bonnie. He's clearly against her friends, but he's helping her and has control over Bonnie's unconscious mind now. That's going to come back to bite her. This episode was extremely gory, and we liked it. Especially the whole in the one hybrid's chest! We loved Haley telling Caroline, "I don't do teen drama." Where is the show going with her and how long is she staying? Now the town has underground tunnels. Could be useful. Overall, this was a decent episode that Elena tried to ruin by losing it.
Episode grade: B

The Vampire Diaries- The Five

Okay, so we're not nuts about how repetitive this show is getting. We feel like we've seen these plots before. We need gamechangers. Maybe for a few characters to leave Mystic Falls again. Maybe a major death or pairings shakeup. Maybe a better new villain. Hopefully this professor can serve that purpose... We don't need him teaching Bonnie to do more magic though. Bonnie can already do pretty much everything. Plus, all the magic gives the show an easy out. The show needs to nix the witches so people have to live with the consequences of death and other things.

We kind of figured that somehow Elena would get cured. Now it's a certainly. Oh, how dull. If the show wants to win back our respect, it will make Damon or someone surprising back into a human and keep Elena as a vampire. Of course the season is going to be spent looking for a magical object, just like past seasons have spent time looking for weapons. The show needs to stop making Rebekah pathetic. The show needs to stop it with the Super Compassionate Elena Commentary On Why She's Jesus. She realized that she didn't want to be like Damon in the span of one episode, and that's a problem. She just wants to cry on Stefan's shoulder.

We thought Elena turning into a vampire might make her bad ass, but we guess you can't be a sweet, likable heroine and still take care of yourself/rip off heads, right? The show needs to bring back the emotions. We didn't feel anything this week. We didn't like judge-y Bonnie ruining Elena's fun at the party, but we did like Elena choosing to feed on Roofie Boy. Vampire vigilante? Yes, please. That would be a great place to take the Elena character. We bet it was just for this week though, and she'll just keep mooning over the brothers.

If we were Bonnie, we would've been more concerned that no vampire ever seems able to wipe their mouths after a feeding on this show. You have sleeves, guys. So, Caroline is a genius and "too good" at self-control. We're glad that someone on the show finally mentioned that she should teach Elena. But because wisdom wouldn't interesting to watch, Elena shoots Stefan's idea down. Ugh. Klaus was annoying this week, and we usually like him. At least he'll be in Italy looking for a sword for a while, right? We miss Katherine. And Elijah. We know we saw him in a flashback, but it was all too brief and we want to see him in the present. And where was Caroline this week?

This is one of our favorite shows, and it was unbelievably good for 2.5 years. You're better than this, TVD!!!!
Episode grade: C+

Late-in-the-week dramas- Grey's, Scandal, Supernatural, TVD, and Arrow. None were Halloween themed. :-(

By lukeford.net [CC-BY-SA-2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.5)], via Wikimedia Commons

Grey's Anatomy- I Saw Her Standing There
Cristina sleeping with her boss made us so sad. Even though there's been an abortion, cheating, choking, and moving far away, we hadn't really accepted that she and Owen were over. We don't like when marriages break up, even if they are fictional. (You should have seen Ern's tumblr after Amy Poehler and Will Arnett broke up.) We still think C/O will get back together after a while. Cristina sticking up for Dr. Feeny and helping him was one of the best things about this episode. We love when she shows her heart and loyalty to her friends. Age discrimination sucks. We understand that continuing education in medicine is important, but he hadn't made a mistake yet. We love them as best friends.

When she leaves the hospital to go back to Seattle Grace (something that MUST happen), can she take Feeny with her? Cristina's time at the Mayo Clinic has been way more entertaining and relevant than we could ever have imagined, but it needs to end eventually. After everything this show has done with penises, we didn't even blink at the nut elephantiasis. Arizona's prosthetics fitter is just the thing she needed. Tough love from someone who is not her wife or Alex is going to be good for her. We hope to see more of him. It's time for her to crawl out of that anger hole she's sitting in. Avery and April are still happening. Owen is in a dark place again. We know this because a) he moved into Derek's trailer and b) he's Owen.
Episode grade: A-

Scandal- Beltway Unbuckled
Ugh. We hated Fitz giving up on Olivia. We, like her, thought it would be a good thing. We've been rooting for him to give Mellie another chance, even though she's horrible. Now, we realized we were wrong. We chuckled when Mellie told the president that he was still having wet dreams about Olivia Pope. Yeah...we'd kick him out of bed too. The Jenny case reminded us of something we've been seeing on tumblr: lack of sympathy over a death when the girl was a slut. Fortunately, people still wanted justice, even though Jenny enjoyed sex with powerful men. Does that mean the only thing people hate more than sluts are foreigner's. Possible.

The storyline where Abby is turning on Olivia, falling in love with David, and helping him with his Beautiful Mind wall is fantastic. It could go anywhere, and it could get rid of a normally useless, judgmental character we hate (Abby). It looks like the baddies are going to be Big Oil. Snooze. How typical. We bet all these writers use oil in their daily lives. Oil companies aren't heroes or anything, but demonizing them is hypocritical. We all profit from that. Huck is five seconds from becoming a full-on Dexter Morgan. He's gonna need to give that six-month chip back. Can this end well?
Episode grade: B-

The Vampire Diaries- The Rager
We love hateful, rage-filled Elena. When she vamped out at Rebekah in the bathroom in the beginning, we were so pleased. Nina has a good monster face. It's still cute, but it gets the job done. We still think Caroline should train Elena, but Damon is the next best choice. Stefan doesn't know what he's doing. He's the worst at handling being a vampire. We'd rather be Damon than a ripper, just sayin'. Stefan can't even lighten up without risking major backsliding. So Tyler cheated on Caroline, huh? Not a surprise. Klaroline shippers, rejoice!

One of us has never liked Tyler. Never ever. Klaus is a much better option. He can take the Caroline character arc to more interesting places. We don't blame Tyler. It would be hard for a guy to pass up Phoebe Tonkin. We hated the fake out where Rebekah pulled Matt's heart out. Why would they make us watch that? Not cool, show. We love hottie Matt. The ships are everywhere this week. Matt and Elena met at their old makeout spot, there was tenderness between Caroline and Stefan, Klaus fed Elena, and Meredith has to end up with someone now that Alaric is dead, right?
Episode grade: B+

Arrow- Lone Gunmen
This show needs to do something more serialized, quick. We aren't digging the superhero revenge procedural. We keep wishing this show were about Oliver's more interesting best friend. We're glad Tommy and Laurel made it official. We meet and then say goodbye to a frenemy, Deadshot, who is also killing evil, rich people, but Oliver doesn't want help. The police bumble around again, finding and doing nothing. Some parents really don't know that kids crave discipline and structure. They may be yelling at you and whining, but deep down inside, they feel safe and loved when you enforce rules. Maybe Thea can stop being an a**hole now. We're not holding our breath. HOW DOES OLIVER SPEAK RUSSIAN?!! The best thing about this episode was Dig finding out Oliver's secret. We were mostly bored during this hour though. We only want to see island stuff if it's going to be more interesting than this week's.
Episode grade: C+

Supernatural- Bitten
The found-footage episode they've been teasing was pretty fun. We liked seeing Sam and Dean as side characters, cropping up randomly and being themselves. We loved the kids spying on the brothers and commenting ("awesome"). They thought Sam and Dean were a couple too, tee hee. This episode reminded us of the excellent, smart, and entertaining movie, Chronicle, which you must see if you haven't. The movie was better than this episode, but this was one of the more entertaining Supernatural episodes in recent memory. We're glad Sam and Dean got to show a little mercy, for once. We call shenanigans on the fact that Brian was perfectly hot and could totally have gotten laid. One of our major pet peeves with TV is that nerds and losers are usually adorable and would be cool in real life. Give us real geeks! We're still liking this season a lot more than the last one.
Episode grade: B

The Vampire Diaries- Memorial

By http://www.flickr.com/photos/minglemediatv/ [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Now THAT'S more like it! People have been moaning that Elena becoming a vampire is "just like Twilight." Whatever. Not really. Stefan teaching Elena in the woods reminded us of Twilight kind of, but then they started getting it on. Then Elena vomited. We last saw the actress playing April Young in the Nine Lives of Chloe King. Her nose looks fake (we could be wrong though). For the record, we prefer big noses or noses with character to the sawed-off Michael Jackson models. And for the record, Kim Kardashian was prettier before she had all her work done too. Now she just looks plastic. It's icky.

That blood sharing between Elena and Damon was hot. That's the first time that's ever been hot to us. This show does that well. When Elena sucked on Matt's neck, that was hot too. We liked Elena vomiting up blood. Gnarly. She's not doing as well as Caroline. Is that because Caroline had many blood bags and a whole human to start off? Or is there something weird about Elena being a doppelganger? Stefan looks like he's related to a Romney. (Did you know Mitt is Romney's middle name? HIS FIRST NAME IS WILLARD. Ern did not know that. God, that's even worse than "Mitt.")

This episode was Original free! Good, we needed a break from them. The show made a great move bringing in new baddies. Last episode, we had Pastor Young. Now we have Jordan Connor, a capable vampire slayer. Sure, he hasn't slayed any vamps yet, but it's only a matter of time. He seems good at it. The best thing about this episode was sassy Damon. He was right where we like him. Rebellious without being homicidal, pragmatic, and hilarious. The joke where he crossed himself and his refusal to shake Jordan's hand were great. This is exactly how we like Damon. If he always acted like this, we'd both ship Delena.

We're glad Matt got something to do in this episode, especially since it might help him with his guilt problem. We wouldn't mind seeing Elena go back to him for a couple of weeks, since she's all confused. It would make sense since she'd be trying to cling to a bit of her humanity. When Caroline helped Elena heal April, we got chills. We were already proud of who Caroline has become, but that just hammered it home even more. The memorial scene was intense and so much fun. That's the kind of action we like. It's also good to bring in a new, female human character.

We teared up at the end, especially when we saw Alaric. Then the show ruined it by having Alaric talk. Dumb. Does that mean he wasn't jut a figment of Damon's imagination? We liked that Damon is bummed that Elena is going to be a killer just like the rest of all vampires. This conflict on how to handle Elena's transition is really working. This show needs to cool it with the cheesy endings though. That's the last time we want to hear about Bonnie's Gram grief. It was forever ago. Jeremy, nice job mentioning Anna and Vicki before you mention Jenna.

Overall, a win for the show and a sign that it hasn't lost its bloody goodness.
Episode grade: A-

The Vampire Diaries- Growing Pains

Tomdog [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

The dumb debates are taking over our TV, but they couldn't interfere with CW programming. Yay! We missed this show so much and expect a lot from it. It's one of our favorites. But nothing unexpected happened last night. Elena, Damon, Bonnie, Matt, Jeremy, and Stefan's reactions to Elena's transitions went exactly as we though they would. And then we had the council trying to kill vampires. Like we haven't seen that before. Everything was pretty rushed too. Having lots of action doesn't automatically make an episode interesting.

Hopefully this show has something new to do with these characters this season, other than having a formerly human being a vampire. Which, again, is something we've seen before. Bonnie might be able to cure Elena eventually anyway. The stuff with Gran, Bonnie, and the spirits was promising. Let's have angry spirits! Then our gang can team up with Klaus and Rebekah to defeat them.

Anyway, in this episode, Elena remembers everything Damon ever made her forget. But it's all for naught. She's sticking with her decision to pick Stefan for now. So far, the only new villain we have is Pastor Young. The finale scene was good. He's a crazyyy. We're glad Klaus didn't have sex with Caroline when he was in Tyler. He even tried to call that off (for like a second).

Elena's first feeding should have been on a character who mattered. (MATT-ered, if you're going by the books). We miss Elijah. There are few characters with any punch, mystery, or unpredictability anymore, and he's one of them. Klaus is a sappy, Caroline-loving baby. Damon won't be growing anytime soon. We know everything about everyone else.

Vampire Diaries premieres usually knock our socks off. Not this year. The title of this episode might reflect the current state of the show. It's season four. It's time for things to move forward. It seemed like we had watched nearly every scene in this episode before. We didn't cry. We weren't worried. We weren't creeped out. We didn't even think the Stelena stuff at the end was sweet anymore. It's getting cheesy.

Episode grade: C+

The Vampire Diaries finale: Stunning. And We're Stunned.

I, Ern, just bombed a test nastier than I ever have before. What do you know? All-nighters really don't work. Relax Dad, if you’re reading. I can still fail one class and graduate. I think you should be more concerned that you are reading a Vampire Diaries post. Anyway, I should still be in the test room, but I went ahead and finished it quickly and turned it in an hour earlier than normal. If you don’t know the answers, there’s no sense in sitting around mooning over the choices. The professor raped me in the brownhole (this blog gets gross when Leeard isn’t around to stop me, haha). The test was tricksy and false.

So The Vampire Diaries finale is just what the doctor ordered to sooth the buzzing, sad brain. Leeard is three weeks behind, and we really can’t wait for her to catch up now, can we? No. Not on a show this important. So, writing while I watch: Holy crap, how slutty was Elena’s cheerleading uniform back in the day? I knew right away that it was a flashback because a) it was grainy, b) the flashbacks have been advertised to death on sites we frequent, and c) Elena seemed really happy jamming to P!nk. Tooooo happy.

Momma Gilbert, you look young and beautiful. Life is unfair. She looks like Pocahontas. Evil Alaric is just what the doctor ordered. It really wasn’t that sad when his real self was turned. We know everyone else sobbed, but he’s “died” so many times, and the writers didn’t seem to know what to do with his character for most of the show, and it’s always possible that they will bring his real self back with magic, because it’s this show.

Flashback time! Matt and Elena have chemistry. If she doesn’t want him, I’ll take him. He is quite the little hottie. Mmmhmm. As soon as Stefan rushed in and embraced Elena, I thought that she would choose Damon at the end of this episode. Then Elijah showed up and this episode got even more awesome. It was already going really well too. Jeremy, I’m starting to hate you. What a whiner! My hate was earlier reserved for Bonnie, but Jeremy is in the running for that hate. There can only be one worst, and it is Jeremy. Alaric says something to Jeremy, but I can’t process it, because my brain is that fried.

I take a break to get a sandwich. Elena and Elijah strike a deal. I can’t hear what it is, but I’m sure it won’t work out anyway. It’s too early in the episode for successful strategies. I was loudly eating chips and there were no subtitles available on hulu yet (curses!) Jeremy redeems himself by tricking Evil Alaric. Bonnie is the worst again. Caroline is the best. It was so sweet when she and Tyler planned to run away together. That made me think Tyler was totally going to die. Why didn’t Evil Alaric kill Damon in the storage facility? Is there a smidgen of bromance left in him, or is he just dumb? Go ahead and kill enemies when you have the opportunity even if they aren’t really a threat! Future evil overlords, refer to this.

Back to Elena and Matt: Elena moans about being an orphan and not being able to choose between two of the hottest guys on TV. Wah wahhh wahhhh. I love you, Elena, but shut your pie hole. MATT, I WILL MARRY YOU!!! Even if you drug and abduct girls. It's not like she didn't deserve it. Back to Alaric walking around the storage unit, looking for Klaus. That stake looks like it’s covered in tinfoil. Great job, prop design. Rebekah! No! Not Rebekah! We love her. Damon wakes up and saves her, but Klaus dies. Wow, I’m surprised. And sad. Now he won’t be able to take Caroline around the world. Oh well, there’s always fanfiction. Evil Alaric goes off to kill more Originals, leaving Damon alive AGAIN. Show, why are you being lazy with this?

Things get serious when Damon and Stefan think it’s possible that they might die. Psh, no way. There is very little tension at this point in the episode. BUT THEN, Damon asks Elena who she would choose to say goodbye to if she could only say it to one Salvatore. She tells Damon that she loves Stefan. Yep, she is so picking Damon at the end of the episode. She tells Damon that she has to let him go, but if she had met him first, it might have been different. Stelena fans briefly rejoice! Evil Alaric comes back to kill Damon. Caroline finds Tyler, cries, and hugs him, knowing that Klaus is dead. Can it be? Holy moly! Tyler! And now Caroline has no male options. Tyler wisely tells Caroline to lie to his mom for him. Aww.

Then he starts coughing and turning into a werewolf. Caroline tries to stay, but runs. It’s sad, but my eyes remain dry. This show has only made me cry once, and it was in the season three premiere when Stefan called Elena to the background sounds of “A Drop in the Ocean.” (Sidenote: seriously, that was a beautiful song choice.) And that was only a general mistiness too. Matt loses it when he hears the news about Tyler’s “death.” At this point, I’m thinking he’s not going to die. I KNEW IT! Bonnie used magic to save everyone. Of course. There need to be some solid rules for Bonnie’s magic from now on. As long as she can undo anything, there are no stakes on this show. You don’t get a trump card to bail everyone out of trouble if you are a good writer. You just don’t. You have to make rules of magic and stick with them. Put limits on their powers. I didn't really know why Tyler lied to Caroline and pretended to be dying. Why was the spell a secret? And then I got there: Klaus and Tyler switched bodies, and Bonnie is apparently NOT Miss Perfect anymore. She is no longer the worst. There is no worst. I now love everyone on this show.

Now things get real. Rebekah wants to get rid of Evil Alaric and the easiest way to do that is to kill Elena. Crash. Flashback. Meanwhile, Damon is being beaten by Evil Alaric. Like a real supervillain, he monologues a bit. Flashback. Elena DID meet Damon first! Interesting. And kind of cool. We see both submerged cars, present and future. These people do NOT know how to break windows or even come close, do they? The doors don’t open, and that’s a shame. I start getting really worried for Matt, but then Stefan comes and saves him. Elena sits there and doesn’t swim out. Come on! She starts dying, so Evil Alaric starts dying. Damon is concerned for both his friend and Elena.

Real Alaric appears to Jeremy as a ghost! Awww, we get to see his real self one last time. This was emotional. I almost cried, but I sucked it up. Then- WHAT WHAT WHAT?!! WHAT?!! Physician-assisted temporary suicide? How? And she didn’t pick Damon at the end? Is Matt alive? (In an interview with Julie Plec, these things were said: “And just checking: Matt did survive, right? Answer: I think for Matt to not survive that after everything would be just too damn tragic.” Thank you, Lord.)

I will kill this show. I just wanted more! It was beautifully shot and exciting and everything, but I was so unsatisfied by this ending and cliffhanger that I could have ripped my own arm off in anger. 

Fortunately, I waited about two seconds and it clicked (Jeez, I’m slow today): Elena is a vampire. Yesssssss! Now she can be bad ass. She has to kill to survive, and obviously she will. Overall, this was a mind**** that completely breathed new life into this show. I am still processing it. How is being a vampire going to change Elena’s character? Obviously, since she's the main character, she'll transition, but she and Stefan had that beautiful discussion back in the first season (or maybe second) about how she doesn't want to become a vampire, so there has to be some debate, right? Since vampires feel more, is her “consuming” desire for Damon going to get the better of her? Please God Leeard hopes so. I need to go lie down.

Episode grade: A+

Season grade: B+ (first half A, second half full of dumb plots and characters running in circles. But who are we kidding? Leeard is going to come back and change this grade, haha)

----I'm sure you'll all be relieved to know that I passed that test, lol. Never been so happy to get a D+! And yes, I'm more into gifs now. What gave it away?----

Cougar Town saved! (and other news about other shows/our reactions)

If you haven't heard already, today TBS saved Cougar Town from cancellation and has bought all the rights to it. There will be another season of the show. We love when this happens, and we can think of no more deserving show. Thank you, TBS!

Lots of other shows have been renewed and cancelled, but we haven't gotten around to talking about it yet. Stupid exams! Alcatraz has been cancelled, and you know what? We don't care. Yeah, we watched and covered it a lot, but it was more due to the possibility that it could get good. It wasn't actually good yet. The pilot and one other episode were good, but mostly it deserves scorn. The Finder was also cancelled, to the joy of Ern and the mild disappointment of Leeard.

30 Rock was renewed for one more season. This is good. The show needs to start coming in for a landing, but it shouldn't end this year. Parenthood was renewed! Amazing, amazing, amazing. Love that show. Touch was renewed as well. When it came out of the gate, we really liked it, but we aren't sure the sweet concept is working out well, long-term. We hope this show does its homework and fixes its problems for the second season.

The Vampire Diaries unsurprisingly got another season, and can we say "rejoice?" Rejoice. Supernatural has also been renewed, and we have finally started watching it. We are done with season one. Ern thinks it's cheesy as heck but is willing to keep watching it. We also need to catch up on Person of Interest. We got behind, but it's been renewed, so we need to give it attention.

Grey's Anatomy is near deals with a few main characters who were at risk of leaving. We will put their names in the comments so that you aren't spoiled as to who might be staying for the next two years. Shonda confirmed a while ago that a character will be dying horribly in this year's finale. We will put our guess for that death in the comments as well.

Finally, a commenter has just informed us that Community was renewed today. This is not surprising, but we are concerned that there will only be 13 episodes. How can we survive with only 13 episodes?

P.S. We are seeing The Avengers tomorrow. Wooo hooo.

---Update---
ABC Renewed: Grey's, Revenge, Castle, Once Upon a Time, The Middle, Suburgatory, and Modern Family. No surprises there.

Vampire Diaries - Heart of Darkness recap/review

What Happened - How are we going to keep this recap short? Oh lordy. This show is always the hardest to sum up. Klaus and Kol know where Jeremy is. Kol is actually posing as a student and friend of Jeremy’s in order to keep tabs on the Gilbert brother. Stefan sends Elena and Damon to go get him, because he thinks they should spend time together so that Elena can figure out how she feels about Damon. Esther comes to see Rebekah and tells her daughter that she is dying. Rebekah is still upset with Esther for trying to kill her, but they have a sort of a tender moment anyway. Esther then collapses. Klaus shows up and Rebekah tells him that their mother is dead.

Caroline gets Matt to distract Rebekah with preparations for the next high school dance. Rebekah has changed the decade theme from the 70s to the 20s, much to Caroline’s fake annoyance. Caroline is secretly spending the day with Tyler. He’s back and he thinks he might have broken the sirebond! They go to the Lockwood dungeon and have sex. Caroline breaks the news to Tyler that if they kill Klaus, Tyler will possibly die too. Caroline assures Tyler that she has no intention of losing him, but they end up fighting after Tyler sees Klaus’s drawing of Caroline and wonders why she didn’t throw it away.

Stefan spends the episode trying to get Alaric’s psycho alter ego to appear and tell him where to find the last White Oak stake. Klaus decides it’s taking too long and breaks Alaric’s neck. Alaric wakes up, still normal, hours later. Stefan then accesses his dark, ripper self and attacks Alaric (with Alaric’s permission), hoping that Alter Alaric will wake and defend himself. It works. Alter Alaric tells Stefan and Klaus that he hid the stake in the cave where no vampire can get in. Klaus and Rebekah hear this and Rebekah takes Alter Alaric to the cave. Klaus tells Stefan that the reason he hasn’t killed him yet is that he is still hoping his friend from the 20s is still in there, ready to come out and play.

Rebekah and Alter Alaric get to the cave. Rebekah waits at the entrance while Alter Alaric goes inside. He finds the stake and turns around like he is going to use it on Rebekah. But…twist! Rebekah tells Alter Alaric that they have a lot in common, then she steps into the cave. She can enter! She’s not a vampire! She’s a witch. She’s Esther, and she is using her daughter’s body like Klaus once used Alaric’s. So now Alter Alaric has a powerful ally AND a weapon that can kill Originals. !!!!!!!!!!!!

Damon and Elena find Jeremy and Kol. Damon beats Kol with a baseball bat and the three heroes go hide in a motel. Damon and Elena ask Jeremy to contact Ghost Rose and ask her if she knows which Original turned her and originated the Salvatore bloodline. Ghost Rose says she will ask around in the ghost world and also discloses that she is rooting for Damon and Elena. Jeremy is horrified by this. Elena finds out that Damon comforted Rose with a dream world as she was dying. Rose tells the group that she was turned by Mary Porter, not an original. Jeremy goes to sleep, leaving Elena and Damon awake and alone in the motel together. Elena watches Damon walk around and drink, shirtless. Damon lies down next to her in bed.

Elena comments on Damon’s comforting of Rose and asks him why he hides his good side. Damon confesses that he is afraid “people” will expect goodness from him all the time if he shows kindness at all. Damon grabs Elena’s hand and she starts breathing hard. She gets up and leaves the room. Damon follows her. Elena turns around and kisses him. They start making out against a wall. Stupid Jeremy catches them and stops the wonderful kissing! He says that Rose told him Mary Porter is in Kansas. They arrive at Porter’s house, but Kol is already there and has staked Mary. Kol tosses Elena across a room and beats up Damon as payback.

Damon wakes up and Elena tells him that this whole trip was Stefan’s idea in order to give Elena an opportunity to sort out her feelings. Damon asks Elena if she has feelings for him. Elena says she doesn’t know and that every time something goes down, Damon freaks and acts like a jerk. Damon basically says, “Well, what if I don’t do that? I’m going to show my good side and remain nice so that you have to make the hard decision. I’m not going to make it easy for you to reject me by giving you a reason to.” On the drive home, Ghost Rose sits in the backseat and tells Jeremy that even though Stefan’s love is pure and he is good for Elena, Damon challenges Elena and makes her question her beliefs. Rose says that Damon will either turn out to be the best thing for Elena, or the worst.

Comments - GREAT IDEA sending Elena and Damon out of town together, Stefan. One of us is annoyed, because Stefan should be fighting for Elena, not making it easy for Damon to steal her. How is Elena supposed to feel when she’s sees Stefan giving up and sadly, almost passive-aggressively pushing her toward his brother? Good call changing the decade of the dance, Rebekah. We’ve been wanting to see more adorable 20s flapper fashion since the flashback episodes earlier this season.

Why is the Lockwood dungeon Caroline and Tyler’s best option for a sex place? Even if they needed to keep it a secret, how about just in the woods? Caroline’s room? Someone’s roof? A motel? Because: gross. We don’t think Tyler was overreacting when he stormed off after seeing Klaus’s drawing. He has been torturing himself so that he can get back to Caroline and safely be with her, and she is flirting with the enemy. Tyler saw right through her attempts to paint Klaus as creepy. Caroline has a small crush, and that’s not okay. It’s a betrayal.

It’s taken Ern a long time to ship Caroline and Tyler, but Tyler doing this for Caroline has brought Ern around. Leeard has shipped them pretty much the whole time. Ern was rooting for Matt and Caroline but now thinks that Rebekah/Matt is cuter. Klaus/Caroline isn’t bad either. Who are we kidding? We love everyone on this show so ANYONE/ANYONE would be a match that would send us into a dither. We should have seen the Esther/Rebekah twist coming a mile away, but we didn’t. This show always gets us.

We are glad we got a reason as to why Klaus hasn’t killed the Salvatores yet. He’s had plenty of opportunity. But it makes no sense to us that Kol didn’t kill Damon in this episode. We understand that he would keep Elena alive for Klaus, but Damon is unnecessary and troublesome. Whatever. Onto more important things - THAT KISSING. We will be youtubing that scene over and over and over and over until the next episode.

Elena has a hard choice to make and we can’t wait to watch her make it. One brother is going to be heartbroken. Which one is endgame? We also like that Stefan is coming around to his dark side. He needs to learn how to use it in moderation and for the greater good, like he did here. At this point, it could be either. This episode was so good, you guys. We’re nearing the end of the season. Who wants to start making death predictions? Esther and Kol have to go, right? But will Klaus and Tyler?

Episode grade: A

Other shows we saw this week

Sunday
Shameless - A Great Cause

We shouldn’t be surprised that Fiona’s mom spent all the family’s money on coke. What with the addict Sheila took in and everything else, this episode should be shown in public schools to discourage kids from doing drugs. Sheila’s drug addict was so awful but so funny. We felt twisted laughing at it. We feel bad for Kevin and Veronica. It was hilarious when Steve lost Marco, Estonia’s love. No good deed goes unpunished. Ian wasn’t allowed to join the military until he finished high school, but we think they should make an exception. War might actually better for his mental health than living with his family. Jody and Sheila need to get together, officially. They are so dumb that they are made for each other. It was nice to see Fiona planning for her future, getting ambitious, getting herself a good job in management, jogging, and considering business school. Obviously, it was never going to last. These kids are her quagmire. Steve tried to get her away last season, but nothing is going to work. If Lip isn’t going to take his opportunities, then he should take Fiona’s place at home for a while. We feel bad for her. We feel even worse for Mandy. We are surprised Mandy isn’t getting an abortion. At least Monica made a lot of cookies while she was having her mental breakdown. 

Episode Grade: B+

Monday
Alcatraz - Webb Porter

In this groundbreaking episode, an inmate from Alcatraz reappears, kills people, and is caught by Rebecca, Doc, and Hauser. Ern thinks this show needs some sort of love story that’s actually romantic, and Ern never says this. She likes things that are based on themes bigger (or at least more unique) than romantic love. This show needs some romance though, and Lucy/Hauser isn’t cutting it, mostly because Hauser is old and kind of an A-hole. Lucy is really sweet though and we are glad this week's inmate could help her. She needs to learn that it’s laughter that’s the best medicine, not music. What kind of doctor is she, not knowing the basics? Webb Porter gives some truly bad haircuts. We like how hard his first victim fought. If you have to go out, that’s the way. There’s a lesson in this, and it’s “don’t abuse your kids” even though they smell and probably deserve it. This episode dragged a little, but it was otherwise ok. This show may get cancelled anyway. We won't be devastated, but we won't be happy.

Episode Grade: B-

How I Met Your Mother - The Broath

This episode had a promising title. We liked Barney’s Broath, his robes, and his monk-chanting CD. We can’t believe Ted Evelyn Mosby broke the broath. He's the worst. Marshall and Lily sound like they have a great sex life…we did get to see the downside of only ever sleeping with one person though. One clever moment in this episode had Ted confronting three college kids that resembled Marshall, Lily, and Ted when they were in college. Anything with an intervention or ninjas is usually a win with us, but this episode wasn’t as funny as it could have been. This season has been really average. Things got too dramatic when Quinn broke up with Barney, even if it did turn into an evil plan. Also, one of us has a huge problem with women slapping or hitting their boyfriends or husbands in entertainment (and in life). If a guy did that, he would be a total monster in the episode or movie. If a girl does it, it’s still abusive. Why did the evil plan even happen? Why is that funny? Oh wait, it’s not. This is turning into a soap opera. We had to watch Ted and Robin fight emotionally in the hallway. What happened to our lighthearted comedy? Then we had homophobic and fat jokes. Original! At least Robin got a promotion. Finally. Maybe we are being too harsh, but we just miss this show being one of the best things on TV. It has fallen farther even than The Office. All of the characters were awful this week. They were dishonest and, worst of all, not funny.

Episode Grade: D+

Being Human - Dream Reaper

This whole episode was about Sally losing it and the guys dealing with it. We love Sally with her straight hair. She looks good with either curly or straight. It was funny when Josh was talking to Sally about how Julia has gotten hotter. Where did they find those creepy pillows with the eyes on them for Sally’s dream living room? The whole color scheme (purple and grey) of that fantasy was pretty cool. Of course this happened on the full moon so that Josh, Aidan, and Zoe were trapped with Sally in the house. It was sweet that even though circumstances were dire, Josh and Aidan refused to consider shredding Sally. It was scary when the Reaper spoke through Sally and told Zoe all the secrets. Josh’s idea to change in the fridge was freaking hilarious. We thought Josh would be the first one to lose it and were surprised when it was Aidan. It was cool to see Aidan and Josh fight, even if it was short-lived. Some guys can still come across as masculine when they cry, and Aidan is not one of them. It was funny when Josh fed Aidan…up to a point, obviously. The episode was cool, but it solved almost nothing.

Episode Grade: B+

Tuesday
New Girl - Fancyman Part 1

Nick’s credit score is about like Ern’s, haha. We liked Dermot Mulroney as Russell and seeing a mature guy interested in Jess. He looks a bit older than 42 though. Just googled it. The actor is 48. Jess’ commitment to art and creativity in the classroom wasn’t funny, but everything else about this episode was. We really loved how impressed Nick was with Russell’s office. We were impressed too. We liked the way Jess delivered the line, “Bidet if I do.” The whole Bidet thing was a good idea. Russell is definitely too together for Jess. 

Episode Grade: B+

Wednesday
South Park - Cash for Gold

You may suck our collective balls, sir. This episode took aim at the home shopping network and their overpriced stuff. What is it with old people and getting swindled easily? Of course Cartman gets in on the home shopping business, because he sees it’s lucrative, and that’s all he needs. If Stan could have just worn the gay bolo tie and shut up, Cartman wouldn’t have found a source of income. The world needs for Cartman to never find his own source of income, other than his mother. Asians never come out well on this show, but at least it’s always funny. Also funny were the parts where Stan and the old people kept calling in to tell the salesman to kill himself. We knew he was going to. When they showed the cycle of how the jewelry was made and sold, the a cappella was a nice touch.

Episode Grade:  B+

America's Next Top Model - J. Alexander
This episode was the best of the Cycle so far, but we really aren't digging this cycle. We don't particularly like any of the girls, even though Ashley has the cutest accent ever. The photo shoots, especially the "toddler" one, have been stupid and unfunny. They had Kris Jenner on the show too. Say what? It was funny when that British model couldn't take criticism and left. It was also funny when Tyra told us she graduated from Harvard. That's important. Tyra spent a lot of time two weeks ago promoting Modelland. She gave the girls superhero model nicknames. One was "Illuminati." Dear Lord. We like this show half high fashion and half hot, dramatic mess. However, this Cycle has been all mess. This episode was a little tamer, but it didn't entertain us.
Episode Grade: C+

Thursday
Missing - Pilot
We were not impressed by this show. It isn't hideous, but it isn't good either. It's Taken with the genders swapped and it's not as entertaining as that movie was. It makes no sense, and there is too much action with too little character development. The action scenes are fun, but they came before we cared about the people fighting. We love Ashley Judd, but we have no time for a show that's this generic and dull.
Episode Grade: D+

Awake 
We are still watching and enjoying this show. It's avoided being uneventful and focuses on the characters more than the weekly mysteries. We like that.

Community - Contemporary Impressionists

Jeff took medication for his anxiety and got rid of all his self-doubt. Britta worried that without that self-doubt, Jeff would turn into a monster. It’s true that getting rid of self-doubt would make a narcissist more obnoxious. However, self-doubt does not tame the ego. Self-doubt is another manifestation pride, it’s just more unpleasant and makes you down on yourself rather than overtly arrogant. In this society, we say that to cure low self-esteem, we need high self-esteem, and to cure arrogance, we need to think badly of ourselves. The reason we are mainly writing this and not focusing on the actual show is that we believe this is a common confusion that hurts people struggling to be both more secure and more humble. Thinking badly of yourself or feeling shame won’t make you more humble; it will just make you depressed and more focused on yourself. You don’t want high or low self-esteem, you want NO self-esteem. You don’t want to always be thinking of yourself and how you are measuring up/looking. Spending time comparing yourself to others or evaluating your abilities (whether you decide you’re making out well or not) is taking time away from getting to know other people or actually doing something you love for its own sake, rather than how it makes you look. You should say what you think is the right thing to say, not what will make you admired. It’s best to take the mind off the self altogether, if possible, because that’s the ultimate statement that it’s not all about you. That’s the anti-ego. Jeff did not get this advice and pulled a Kanye in this episode. It was pretty funny. We loved Shirley’s fake Oprah Winfrey and Britta’s Michael Jackson. The Chang stuff was actually funny this episode. They are learning to use Chang sparingly. However, this episode wasn’t as good as the last one and was merely ok. We still think this is one of the best comedies of all time though. Stay weird, Community.

Episode grades: B-

The Vampire Diaries - Break on Through

Poor Alaric. But is the real problem gonna be Jeremy? We’re with Damon on Stefan’s eating habits. Stefan keeps falling off his wagon, so he needs to ditch the wagon and find a new way to deal with his hunger. Moderation sounds good. Sage showing up a mere episode after she was first mentioned was awfully  convenient. It’s also a little too convenient that there was another White Oak Tree, but we’ll go with it. This show has earned our suspension of disbelief, especially since the many Alaric deaths turned out to be important. Rebekah, you are an Original. Don’t let Damon treat you like this. You could own him with a swat. It’s really too bad that Abby bit Jamie, and not only because he is hot. Klaus, someone might be moving in on your girl… When Sage bit into a human’s arm, it sounded like she was biting into an apple. We don’t know if biting into a wrist would make that same noise. Who wants to try it and tape it for us? Sage looks a little like an older version of Elizabeth Banks. Dancing is foreplay for Damon. He shouldn’t dance with his arms over his shoulders if he wants to appear straight. That’s the rule, most of the time. Unless it’s ballet. This show is so crazy. We never thought we’d root for Meredith over Alaric in a scene. It’s hard not to see her as crazy Melissa from PLL. The third way too convenient development was Abby and Bonnie pulling an herbal cure for Alaric out of their asses. It’s nice to see Stefan and Elena both communicating and working together. We miss that couple. Thanks to Damon, the Original-killing game is finally back on!

Episode Grade: B+

Movies-
We watched Take Shelter, which was a very good movie that we ended up not liking. Sometimes the critics go nuts over something well-made and meaningful, but when it's over, we think, "So what?" We guess it reflected our modern sense of stress and doom pretty well. Certain scenes really grabbed us, there were some definite scary parts, and the lead actor was good. But we got to the ending and felt like we didn't get a proper resolution to all we had sat through. It's easier to be impressed with the quality of this movie than to actually like the movie. Movie grade: C+ Then we watched Attack the Block, which was fun and hilarious. Americans will need to watch it with subtitles because nearly all the dialogue is British slang. It's really funny if you can pick it up, but if you are just listening, we guarantee you will miss most of it. This is in our top three alien invasion movies. Movie grade: A-