Awkward and Louie

This is going to be a short post (shorter than these shows deserve) because one of us is behind on studies and the other of us made the last post. But we've finished the first season of Louie and Ern (finally) caught up on Awkward. We both watched the Awkward season two premiere. We liked it and hope to blog about this show more in the comming weeks. Ern didn't like Awkward at first. We both agree that the pilot was rough, but since then the show has improved. Ern HATES Matty with every fiber of her being, and Leeard doesn't know how that's possible. Ern loves Jenna's parents. 

In fact, Ern started liking the show in the fourth episode where we got to see more of them. It's not Emmy-winning material, but it's fun and we like the main character. It's probably the best thing on MTV (Teen Wolf is a close second) and better than we expected it to be. There was even some good advice on it too (astounding for an MTV show). You can't control what happens to you, but you can control how you feel about it.

Louie is a show we weren't interested in for a long time. It's about a sad-sack 42-year-old bald guy. Didn't we already see that with Curb Your Enthusiasm? But no: Louie's humor is brilliant, low-key, kind of depressing, and entertaining. He manages to be politically correct AND modern/"enlightened" at the same time. Louie has two cute little girls who keep him from being completely pathetic and selfish. Scenes are cut with clips of Louie doing stand-up comedy and the show has some good guest stars. Louie is on Instant Netflix, and episodes are only 22 minutes long, so we recommend checking it out if you are mature. This isn't going to be one for the teenage crowd. Don't marathon it until you are done with about six or so. The first few are kind of a bummer if you watch them all at once. Ern has decided that Louie is her soul mate and does not know how she ever got along without this show.

So You Think You Can Dance - The Top 20

One of our favorite competitive reality shows is back and finally into the action! Here's who were excited about, who we're bummed about, and who we don't particularly care about (yet).

Who We're Excited About:
Witney Carson - This 18 year old Latin ballroom dancer is amazing. When we first saw her audition in Salt Lake City, we thought "sweetie, you have braces. How are we going to be able to take you seriously as the sexpot you need to be in Latin ballroom?" Pretty easily, as it turns out. While she is adorable when she's talking, she's fierce and sexy when she's dancing. It's a great combination, and we're rooting for her to go far.

Glitch - Just to get this out of the way, we love popping. So very much. He is so creative that we can't help but love and root for him.

Alexa Anderson - We liked her last season, and were bummed she was cut so boring Ryan could be on the show. We like her even more this year after a really good Vegas week.

Audrey Case - Bless her heart, her audition was hilarious (farting with her neck) and then really good (the actual dance). We're mainly rooting for her so she can get out of Oklahoma.

Eliana Girard - She's probably one of our two favorites at this point. Eliana is a stunning dancer and gorgeous person. One of us has taken a pole dancing class and has nothing but respect for people who make it look as easy as Eliana does. She has the pedigree (Joffrey, Alvin Ailey and Cirque) and she was really great in Vegas week. We love her.

Daniel Baker - Historically, we have not loved ballet dancers on this show (Melissa). However, we love ballet dancers in general, and we're so glad they're represented in such a great way this season. Daniel is extremely hot and talented, so we're obviously rooting for him.

Who We're Bummed About:
Janelle Issis - It's entirely possible that we just don't understand bellydancing, but we just don't think she's that great. She's decent in the other genres, but there's something about her on-stage personality that's just grating to one of us. In all fairness, Lauren Froderman came across the same way to Leeard in her season, but she ended up being awesome and winning.

Lindsay Arnold - She's really more in the cusp between we like her and we don't. She's a good Latin ballroom dancer, but we prefer her friend/competition Witney. It's probably because we've seen more of Witney through the audition process, but we don't think America is going to keep two similar ballroom dancers for very long. If we have to choose, we're sticking with Witney. We wish they hadn't picked Lindsay this year so she could come back for season 10 and probably gone farther.

Tiffany Maher - Like Lindsay, we wish they had passed on this one so she could be in season 10. We don't remember her at all from the auditions or Vegas, but she was a standout in the fabulous Sonya Tayeh jazz routine. We would've preferred to get to know her in auditions before she made the Top 20.

Cole Horibe - His dancing is definitely unique and interesting, we just don't like him that much. We don't think he'll go very far, and there were better people we saw throughout Vegas week.

Chehon Wespi-Tschopp - Again, a fantastic ballet dancer and someone we really like. We just wish he wasn't on a season already packed with Eliana and Daniel. It's understandable that after he sacrificed his career, they would reward him with a spot in the Top 20, and we're not really complaining. We're mainly bummed because we're afraid he'll get lost in the mix. We're rooting for him, though.

Matthew Kazmierczak - He's really cute, but from what we can tell, he's not really Top 20 worthy. Hopefully he'll prove us wrong, but for right now, we just don't get why he was chosen.

Dareian Kujawa - As Nigel said, he has crappy feet. While he seems like a great guy, we don't really think he'll be able to keep up with everyone else.

Who We Don't Care About:
Amber Jackson - We vaguely remember her from previous seasons, but we don't remember her at ALL from this year. Part of the reason we don't care is that we haven't noticed her this season and part is that she said two years ago that she'd never come back. We really dislike when the contestants on this show say that; we understand that Vegas week is rough, but these are literally the most encouraging judges on any competitive reality show. If you make it to Vegas week, the only reason you shouldn't come back after not making it to Top 20 is you're now too old. Take a few classes in different genres and come back the next year. Geez.

Amelia Lowe - She's such a beautiful dancer that we hate having her on this part of the list, but it has to be done. The dancers from previous seasons that we still love to this day (Jeanine, Mark, Kathryn, Melanie, Lauren Gottlieb, many other people) were versatile, able to play a different role for each dance. Amelia has the same character, whether she's doing hip hop or contemporary. She needs to embrace versatility. And grow out her hair.

George Lawrence - We loved his audition, but don't really remember him in Vegas. He's a great dancer and we're sure we'll start loving him soon.

Will Thomas - We're pretty sure the first time his name was said on the show was when they told him he made it. We know so little about him that we don't care yet, but hopefully they show some of his personality next week.

Janaya French - We really can't even picture her right now. She was good in the group number (with Amelia, Dareian, and Matt) but we just don't know her.

Nick Bloxsom-Carter - Yet ANOTHER person we don't remember seeing until the green mile. We like good male Latin ballroom dancers (Pasha is easily the sexiest man ever on SYTYCD), so we think we'll like him in a week or so. If he lasts that long. He got a little lost in the (awesome, amazing, wonderful, showstopping) Jason Gilkison routine with Witney and Lindsay.

Brandon Mitchell - For a stepper, we haven't really seen any personality from him. As usual, that's probably the editor's fault and not his own. Anyway, we don't know much about him, so for right now, it's hard to care.

All in all, we're really excited about this season. Who do you guys like/hate so far?

Geography Lesson

The Glee Project - Sexuality

This week’s theme was “sexuality,” so of course Aylin was really excited. Leeard still hates her and would like to give a shout-out to Nellie: You don’t need to have sex to be sexual. We love her for being a virgin. She’s only 19 and that’s appropriate. WORD to Lily saying that Aylin is sexy, she just pushes it too hard. We both think Michael is precious. The fact that he thinks math is sexy makes Leeard think he is sexy. Ern thinks math is terrifying, not sexy. We still can’t believe Abraham is straight and we like his hair black. The challenge song this week was “I Wanna Sex You Up” by Color Me Badd. Ern is proud to say that until this week, she had never heard this song. Leeard is ashamed of Ern. The guest mentor this week was the beautiful Naya River (Santana). As for the song? Well, they sounded fine, but they looked stupid. These are the most embarrassing people on the planet. Less is more Aylin people. Blake, you’re so freaking hot. We were seriously crying laughing during this song. It looked like Naya was lauging a little too.

The video this week was a mash-up of "Moves Like Jagger" and "Milkshake". Leeard hates "Moves Like Jagger". Ern hates both those songs. Leeard likes "Milshake", because it brings back good memories of 10^th grade (to which Ern asks, “Did your milkshake bring all the boys to the yard in 10^th grade?”) In the video, the kids were to have a guys v. girls sexy off. The people running this show just want to make us laugh, don’t they? Absolutely. Lily and Nellie both prove to be sexier than Aylin. Lily owns it. Leeard still doesn’t know if she likes Lily or not, but she liked her this week.

We expected this video to be a piece of s*it because it usually is, but it wasn’t as bad as we thought it was going to be. In the video, the kids start singing and dancing in response to a teacher’s essay prompt: What Sex Means To You. Ern would OWN that essay, and anyone who doesn’t believe that can demand to see such an essay, if they are weird enough to want to read it, haha. It became clear that Nellie was NOT going home this week. She stole the show. 

Leeard likes Shanna, Nellie, Michael, and Blake. Ern likes everyone except Ali (because of her helium voice and weird squirrel face and lack of personality), Tyler (for obvious reasons), and Mario (because he’s been a douchelord lately). Leeard cares less about the voices on this show than the person. If they are going to be on Glee, she needs to like them, since Ryan is basing the character on the person. Ern is all about picking the best voices, since downloads and performances are the only reason she’s even still watching Glee. The mash-up didn’t go together that well. It was just too much beat and too much noise. It must have been a rejected idea from Glee.

The bottom three were Charlie (for flirting and trying to direct the shoot), Michael (for choking in the studio), and Tyler (for his usual suckitude). Since this was the third freaking time for Tyler, Ern was shrieking at the screen for him to be gone. FINISH HIM. Leeard was nervous for Michael, who she grew to like over the episode and hoped he would do math on a chalkboard while he sang or something. Anything to turn on that nerd charm and rock it out. But how has Charlie never heard, “I Get a Kick Out of You?!!” YOU CHILDREN. YOU ALL SUCK. Worse was Tyler never having heard “Smile” since it was on Glee.

We really liked Charlie’s voice with "I Get a Kick Out of You". Ern’s favorite version of this is the Patti LuPone version from Anything Goes. Tyler’s song was good for his awkward voice, but it wasn’t enough to win us over. Ryan Murphy had to call him brave like 9,000 times. Tyler is criticism proof because he's transgendered, Ryan? Um, no. That's all he has going for him. You can criticize everything else. Michael gets up and forgets the words to "Lucky", a song he was already sucking at before then, because he wasn’t being upbeat enough. Then he totally saved the performance by making up his own words, which turned into funny ones near the end. “This is my favorite part of the song.” “Lucky my nerves didn’t kick in at all.”

It was so entertaining, but Ryan didn’t get it. He nearly reamed Michael for choking and forgetting "Lucky". Come out of the closet, Michael. Quick! Ern rolled her eyes, muttering, but this show took Dani from us, and that’s all they can really do to Ern for a while. She’s numb to eliminations after that travesty. After the bottom three left the stage, the judges debated. Zach, who is the greatest and true winner of The Glee Project, went to bat for Michael against Ryan. Ryan gravely intoned that this was possibly their hardest decision. Okay, Tyra Banks, it’s NOT HARD. One of them has been in the bottom three times. It's an easy freaking choice. The show finally made the right one. Tyler went home; Ern has been placated. Abraham lost it, crying. We didn’t know they were that close, but it was touching.

Episode grade: B-

Pretty Little Liars - Birds of a Feather

The Liars eat cake and talk. Jason confronts Veronica Hastings about representing Garrett. Jason is offering a reward for finding Alison’s body. The girls get a text from A saying, “Imagine what I can do with 50 grand.” Aria goes to school and tries to get her mother to go out, since Aria’s dad is dating (Meredith. ugh). Mona has lost her visitation privileges. Emily is working at a coffee shop with some hipster guy. She meets Maya’s black cousin, Nate. Caleb gives Hanna tickets to Bon Iver and she is not excited. Caleb fesses up to visiting Mona.

Ern: Mmm cake.

Leeard: Oh Aria. I love the necklace you’re wearing to school. Hate the everything else.

Ern: I like the shape of the dress, but hate the pattern.

Leeard: I don’t like the shoulders.

Ern: Don’t worry about Ella, Aria. She's pretty and awesome and will totally find someone. Who will probably be killed by A or something. Mona’s visitation embargo is so Caleb’s fault.

Leeard: It’s not his fault. It’s hers, for flipping her s*it at him. Who is this hipster dude telling Emily what to do?

Ern: It’s good the hipster guy works in a coffee shop. Best to keep them all in one douche-y place.

Leeard: It’s redundant that the hipster guy works in a coffee shop.

Ern: I can never tell if guys like that are gay, European, or hipster.

Leeard: Hipster is always the answer, because, again, redundant.

Ern: HOT BLACK GUY. I love those.

Leeard: MEH BLACK GUY.

Ern: I’d hit it.

Aria and Hanna discuss the fight Hanna had with Caleb. Aria encouraged Hanna to tell Caleb about A and her reasons for visiting Mona. Aria is surfing the web for online dates for Ella. They are mostly bald. Hanna tells Aria to find someone whose head doesn’t look like a grape. Hanna’s mom stops by to suggest a better site. Aria sets up a profile for Ella. Jason tells Spencer that Veronica has an agenda that has to do with protecting Melissa. Emily goes to Hollis college to meet Nate. Nate gives Emily a t-shirt that Maya intended to give her before Maya died. Hanna creeps around Maya’s institution. Detective Wilden has a court order to talk to Mona. Wren sees Hanna in the institution.

Ern: I'm going to start calling my dad "The Grape" now.

Leeard: ha

Ern: All of those usernames for Ella are hideous

Leeard: Mmmmmmmmmhmm

Ern: Hot Mama? Even worse than RosewoodGirl.

Leeard: Not to mention probably already taken.

Ern: It's a sad, sad world we live in.

Leeard: I'm liking Nate more with the glasses

Ern: Me too. Some people need glasses

Leeard: Like me.

Ern: I was just gonna say, I like you in your glasses. I wouldn't say you need them though.

Leeard: I think I do. My face looks weird without them. Oh Hanna, whatcha doin? You know you’re going to get caught, right? Man, I still hate Wilden.

Ern: I still have trouble remembering Wilden. I couldn’t care less about all this Maya closure.

Leeard: Word.

Nate and Emily talk in a café. Nate asks Emily what her best stroke in swimming is. She says freestyle. Nate tells Emily things about Maya. He says he’s glad he got to meet Emily and leaves. Wren tells Hanna that Mona might know something about Ali’s remains. Ashley Marin tells Ella about the online dating site. They discuss getting over divorce. Emily, Aria, and Hanna break into Melissa’s apartment looking for medical records. Hanna wants to find the fake baby bump. They see Melissa returning and frantically run to fix everything they moved. Hanna knocks something over. They hide in the closet just in time. Melissa sees the moved book. She looks in the closet for her wallet, almost finding the Liars, and finds her wallet. Melissa leaves. The Liars find a prom dress and a feather in the closet. Black Swan?

Ern: My stroke is breast stroke

Leeard: Mine’s freestyle. Breast and fly are my worst.

Ern: I can't even remotely do fly. I look like a freaking artard, flopping. I look like I'm drowning. And it hurts my arms.

Leeard: Exactly. I’m not even sure I move when I’m doing the fly.

Ern: I move forward, but it’s ugly.

Leeard: Ha. Oh Ashley. She totally ruined that. I love Ella just crazily tapping on the screen, trying to delete it.

Ern: Man, divorce sucks.

Leeard: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhhhmmmmmmmm. I love Ashley and Ella’s friendship.

Ern: Me too. Where are the Liars going?

Leeard: To Melissa’s apartment. You guys are DUMB. Spence is the smart one. Listen to her. What the hell, Em?!! Put the freaking book back where you found it.

Ern: HIDE HIDE.

Leeard: Hanna, you’re the worst/clumsiest. You girls are so lucky Melissa is the slowest person alive. I told you to put that book back Em.

Ern: HA

Leeard: Okay, that was funny. Black Swan? HA. I love this show.

The girls think Melissa is A, meaning that she’s probably not. Darn. Melissa is back at the Hastings’ home. Spencer immediately confronts her, saying that she was dressed as the black swan at the ball and that she knows Melissa didn’t lose the baby in June. Melissa fesses up. She lost the baby the day after Ian died. Melissa said that she was getting texts and thought that Spencer was sending them. Spencer repeats, “Why were you at the masquerade ball?” Veronica walks in and says she’d like to know the answer to that too. Someone blackmailed Melissa into wearing the dress to the ball and distracting Jenna. Hanna gets a text from A. It says, “I’m everywhere,” and includes a picture of the back of a Montecito EMT. Veronica told Spencer why she took Garrett’s case. The PI the Hastings hired to watch Melissa after Ali went missing was a witness for the defense that the public defender was going to use to help Garrett.

Leeard: GO SPENCE. I’m basically just glad that the Hastings women are finally talking.

Ern: Wow, disbar Veronica for trying to prevent that witness from talking.

Leeard: Ruh roh.

Ern: I didn’t get that pic.

Leeard: Montecito is where Caleb’s family lives.

Ern: Oh. Nice knowledge, buddy.

Leeard: Also, I just want to say that I called Melissa being the black swan from the beginning. Like, at the masquerade ball. I didn’t think I was “calling” anything. I thought that it was obvious it was Melissa. It looked like her.

Caleb’s mom was in a car accident in Montecito after someone tried to run her off the road. After getting that news, Hanna changes her mind about telling Caleb the truth. Caleb presses Hanna and she asks if they can just drop it. Caleb says, “I can’t do this anymore. I feel like you’ve been pushing me away for weeks…I feel like I only exist in half of your life and that’s not good enough for me. You have to give me something here. More silence. Great. I’m done, Hanna.” Then he leaves, breaking Ern’s heart. Oh, and Hanna’s.

Leeard: DAMMIT SHOW HIM THE PICTURE. SHOW HIM THE F*CKING PICTURE, HANNA.

Ern: He’s so perfect.

Leeard: BRING HIM INTO THE CIRCLE.

Ern: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Aria gets a text from Spencer telling her to abort the plan. Ella comes to Aria’s room to talk about the dating profile. Ella knows that Byron is dating Meredith and has accepted it. She assures Aria that she is fine. Emily meets Nate to get Maya’s parents address, but he forgot it. He offers to just mail her letter to them for her. Nate has decided to leave since too many people talk about dead Maya. Emily encourages him to stay and tells him that she will be his friend if he does. Back in Hanna’s depressing room, she cries and Aria comforts her. Jason catches Spencer out on an evening walk. They chat and then we see Jason write a check for fifty grand. He makes a call, asking to meet someone in the parking lot in 15 minutes. Wilden drives by Spencer and asks how far away her parents’ lake house is. We see A in the Montecito airport, hacking into Mona’s file at the institution and changing it to say that she is allowed visitors.

Leeard: I don’t think I’ve said this at all, but I hate that Byron is staying in the house.

Ern: I think Melissa is still hiding something.

Leeard: I think EVERYONE is still hiding something. Ella is the best.

Ern: She really is. I'm liking Aria so much more this season. Part of it is Ella and part of it is that her plots don't involve sneaking around with Ezra anymore and he's not her teacher.

Leeard: Mmhmm.

Ern: Wear your glasses, Nate.

Leeard: Man, killing off Maya was such a great thing. Like, I hated Maya AND it’s causing Em to grow. Love it.

Ern: Nate has decided to leave since too many people talk about dead Maya. So, naturally, he's meeting someone who only wants to talk about dead Maya.

Leeard: Hahahahahaha. I mean, there’s a huge difference and he actually just said it. But it’s still funny. I like this song. OBAMA DID IT. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

Ern: Yeah, it can't be Romney. He's a Mormon. They don't do anything bad, lol.

Leeard: It’s true.

Ern: We’ve eliminated Mitt Romney as A. We’re so smart.

Leeard: Shoot, that’s one more person than the girls have eliminated. Dammit, Jason.

Ern: Things actually happened in this episode. Mostly due to Spencer having balls and being upfront.

Leeard: No Pretty Little Liars next week.

Ern: Curses. I guess I’ll just have to use that hour to study. Ugh.

Episode grade: A

Mainstream Music released this week

Maroon 5 - Overexposed

Mostly crap. Even when the band is trying to be self aware with this title, they come across as douche-y. People hoping for a return to the Songs About Jane style should be disappointed. The band’s lyrics used to be romantic, loving, supportive, and intimate. After their first album, songs like “She Will Be Loved” take a back seat to songs about casual sex and bitter break-ups. Adam Levine is such a ho bag that it’s not a rare thing for the average person to know someone who has hooked up with him. Most of this is autotuned, forgettable pop. We’d recommend screening this album and taking three or four of your favorite tracks rather than buying the whole thing, even if it is only $5 on the Amazon MP3 right now. Stick with Amazon, kids. It’s less expensive and the deals fly. They stick the songs right in your iTunes too.

Album Grade: C+

Favorite songs: “Payphone”, “One More Night”, “Daylight”, “Wipe Your Eyes”.

Casey Abrams - Casey Abrams

Remember this American Idol contestant? Well, he’s a little less growly and much sweeter on his CD. The lyrics are mostly sunny, nice, and simple. “Wore Out My Soul” is the exception. Wow, that’s quite a diss. If a guy ever told us that we “wore out his soul,” we’d feel awful. Casey sometimes sounds a little like the lead singer of Relient K. We loved the idea of pairing him and Haley Reinhart for a track, but they covered “Hit the Road Jack,” and does anyone want to listen to even an admittedly good version of that song? Why didn’t they release a single of their cover of “Moanin”? That would have been worth buying. The best thing for these two to do would be to get together and start a two-person band. Both of their releases were nice and better than most American Idol alum releases, but together, they would really be something. As it is, Casey is reminding us of a male Colbie Callait. That’s not what we expected from him. We expected jazz. Still, the melodies are solid.

Album Grade: B-

Favorite Songs: “Ghosts”, “A Boy Can Dream”

Linkin Park - Living Things

These guys are still making music, but, weirdly, they’ve gotten more pop. There’s still some rap. Overall, this is not a special album. We like the short track "LIES GREED MISERY" because it takes the band away from its usual self-flagellation and turns its miniscule rage outward for a nice track about being wronged.

Album grade: C-

Favorite song: “LIES GREED MISERY”

The Offspring - Days Go By

The sound on this album is less hard than this band’s usual music and more of a soft punk reminiscence of days gone by. We’re not really fans of these guys, and this album did nothing to convert us. You can always tell it’s them. Their hits are all similar sounding. In a good way, usually.

Album grade: C

Favorite song: “The Future Is Now”

The Flaming Lips - The Flaming Lips and Heady Fwends

Don’t worry, Ke$ha, your mind is already completely toast. The Flaming Lips are for hipsters and lots of people think their stuff is just noise. The tracks are too long for our taste, but we found this album interesting. We wouldn’t necessarily buy it, but we aren’t going to trash it too hard either.

Album Grade: B-

Favorite song: “2012”. Oh Ke$ha.

R. Kelly - Write Me Back

Yes, the "I Believe I Can Fly" singer who allegedly peed on an underage woman has a new R&B album. A lot of this is kind of lame, but some of it is alright. Most of it just made us wish Justin Timberlake were back to making this kind of music. But he enjoys acting and he’s okay at it, so more power to him. At least we have R. Kelly? Meh. If you love the genre, check it out, otherwise, skip it.

Album grade: B-

Favorite song: They are all about the same to us.

Single we like this week: "Bitch Bad" by Lupe Fiasco (deep lyrics for rap/we’re digging it) 

Bunheads - Inherit the Wind

As soon as Michelle was trying to get Hubbell’s car off of a private road and needed to contact the owner, we thought, “The owner is going to be a hot guy!” And we were right. He’s a little old for our taste, but Michelle is 37 (or at least the actress is). His house is supposed to look super nice, so we think he might be gay. Then we realized he was just “Manilow rich” and could hire a (slightly tacky and cliché) designer.

Still, usually a straight guy’s house looks something like Ern’s dad’s bachelor pad, which includes a foosball table, Three Stooges poster, golf putting practice machine, alligator skin couches with alligator skin drapes, no curtains, large rugs, inherited antiques, guns, large TV, two refrigerators full of steaks, and X-box. But maybe we just need to get the gender stereotypes out of our heads.

Anyway, the boys on this show have finally arrived. The rich one, Grant, is a douche so far. Give Michelle some wine, dude! Ginny’s brother, Charlie, was at the studio long enough for everyone to realize that Boo has a crush on him. Poor Boo. Sasha’s mean girl ways are back, but we are supposed to feel bad for her now because her mom is shallow, rich, and neglectful. We meet Boo’s mom, and she’s cool. The girls are in a contest with other ballet studios to see which one’s girls have the grossest feet. That was kind of funny.

Fanny starts acting really bitchy about Michelle inheriting everything, and Michelle is nice back. Michelle moves into the guest house behind the studio, leaves Fanny in the house, and assures Fanny that Hubbell didn’t mean to cut her off, because he thought Fanny would be dead before him. It makes sense! She didn't explain it well, but we get what she meant. Michelle also gives her wine. Slowly.

Ginny’s mother, Claire, tries to get Michelle to sell the house with her. She’s a real estate agent, and she has a real grudge against her ex-husband for leaving her. She’s also a little crazypants. Even though Michelle was so annoying in the scene where she was explaining to Grant how terrified she was to put down roots, we totally sympathize. Leeard's mother keeps trying to convince her to buy a house. We don’t want to own any houses yet! We want to move far and wide!

We guess this episode was better than last week’s, at least, but it wasn’t as good as the pilot. The problems from last week (the jokes trying too hard and the painful line delivery) were nearly gone last night. This show is really trying our patience with its slow moving plots. This episode's middle was duuuuuuullllllll. We have to wait two weeks for a new one (curses) and we hope Bunheads doesn’t lose the meager audience it has in that time. Sidenote: We love the word "snood" and will be using it whenever possible. We might even start wearing them just so we can tell people what they're called.

Episode grade: B 

True Blood - Whatever I Am, You Made Me

We didn’t realize Tara was that into the cross or Christianity. Seeing the cross made her forget her hunger, let her victim go, apologize, and leave. We’re all for a more religious Tara if it helps her be less angry. The angst is getting real old, y’all, and we’ve realized that Tara is probably on this show to stay. We loved her going to Sam for help though. It’s so easy to forget that they are friends. The best scene of the first part of the episode was Pam and Sookie fighting. We often have the same attitude toward Sookie that Pam does lately, so it was lame to see Pam lose the fight. But if it means Sookie is getting less useless, then we are okay with it.

We guess Newlin has a reason for being back: to be the new Nan Flannigan. It’s too on-the-nose that some of the vampire Authority scenes have Catholic church music playing in the background. Those scenes are also played a little too overdramatically. Maybe that’s to make things more fun and cheesy, but we aren’t digging it. Seeing Tina Majorino on this show nearly made this season good for us. We love her from the P!nk "F*ckin Perfect" video, Veronica Mars, Napoleon Dynamite, Andre, and Big Love. She’s lost a lot of weight, and we think she looked better with it. They gave her a decent line: “You guys are too cute to be goo.”

Don’t expect me to be waiting for you when you get back?!! DON’T EXPECT ME TO BE WAITING FOR YOU WHEN YOU GET BACK?!! Umm, Terry should be more forthcoming with his wife, but he is clearly going through something, and if you married someone, you should wait for them while they deal with their deep, dark army past. Terry has been really cool to Arlene and her kids for four seasons, and that should get him some kind of loyalty. Is the search for Debbie Pelt going somewhere? Are we supposed to feel tension from Sookie’s possible murder prosecution? Because we’re not. We know Sookie won’t go down for that.

The funniest thing in this episode was Andy’s naked body ending up on Facebook. At first, we were unimpressed with the Pam/Eric flashbacks, and bringing Bill into them didn’t help. It just emphasizes how much shorter Bill is than Eric. Bill, you have no chance in this show. Everyone thinks Eric is hotter, and that includes Sookie. We did like the way Pam forced Eric to turn her though. That was a good scene. How is the princess who had John the Baptist beheaded portrayed as a symbol of “dangerous female sexuality” in the Bible? True Blood added the sex angle, as usual. Salome danced, but there’s no proof that the dance was actually sex. She’s very pretty in the show, even though her accent isn’t exactly what we’d expect for the role. She’s sweet on Bill. We hope she’s gone soon.

We liked Nora’s reactions to getting tortured. It made us like her more. Jason reuniting with the older woman who apparently deflowered him is an interesting change from his usual love stories. She should be sorry. She started Jason on a path that led him to make many unwise decisions that put him in peril multiple times in the show’s history. We didn’t expect Jason to actually realize this though. But near the end of the episode, he realized he was using sex to fill a hole inside him, because he was taught at a young age to have and seek it. That’s really mature for this show, and we hardly believe it. But it’s true. Jason’s addictions led him to hurt his best friend. Jessica’s reaction was more helpful than we expected.

Tara spent most of the episode in Merlottes’ freezer, but when our “Lil’ Hooker” came out, it was worth it. She very nearly told Alcide what Sookie did to Debbie. That meant Sookie had to do it herself. Alcide was appropriately upset, especially that Sookie hid the news from him for so long. It looks like Sookie has no boyfriends this season. Tara sounds hilarious with her new vampire lisp. Demon Lafayette is back! We love that. He looks to be out for murder. Tara tried to end things in a tanning bed, but it looks like Pam is going to save her. This episode wasn’t slow at all, and that’s a good thing. It must have been the decent direction, because not much actually happened (as usual).

Episode grade: B

Recently Watched and Read

Movies

The Sitter

This had, maybe, two funny parts and they weren’t even that funny. It wasn’t quotable, none of the performances were that good, the story and jokes were derivative of other/better movies, and it seemed a lot longer than it was. Everything about this movie was pretty boring and unbelievable, and we want to scrub that gay guy on roller blades out of our memories with a brillo pad. Don't waste your time and money.

Movie Grade: D-

Tower Heist

This movie wasn’t good or laugh-out-loud funny, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as we thought it was going to be either. There was one fun plot twist too. The best thing about this movie was the cast, which included Ben Stiller, Casey Affleck, and Matthew Broderick. The main girl from Precious showed up to do a truly hideous Jamaican accent. Bumbaclot indeed. The best part was Eddie Murphy not sucking, for the first time in a long time, as the film’s funniest character. Having the heroes of the movie be working-class men suffering from financial strain works in the movie’s favor, making it timely and giving the characters instant sympathy. This isn’t a movie you’re going to want to go out and rent RIGHT NOW. It’s something you are going to want to watch a) when nothing else is on, b) if someone tries to make you, and c) if you’ve seen just about everything else Redbox has to offer.

Movie grade: C+

30 Minutes or Less

This movie is about a pizza delivery guy who has to rob a bank, or two guys who strapped a bomb to his chest are going to detonate it. The funniest part of this movie was the criminal sidekick doing kicks in his monkey mask. And Aziz Ansari, who pretty much saves this movie from completely sucking. Check out his stand up. It’s pretty good. The movie has its moments, but was disappointing, overall, considering its talented cast, entertaining subject matter, and the promising trailer. We liked when the movie’s comedy leaned toward the dark side. We also liked that it knew not to overstay its welcome, time-wise, clocking in at around 80 minutes. Check this out if you’ve got a group of friends over, you’ve already seen every good comedy you can think of, and you don’t want to think too much/just want to talk a little, chuckle, and eat pizza with an easy-to-follow background movie.

Movie grade: B-

  

Boys Don’t Cry

It’s common knowledge that it’s hard to find good movies on Instant Netflix when you are an entertainment buff and have already seen almost everything they have. That’s why watching Hilary Swank play a woman who wants to be a dude is a valid option. We had already seen the sex scene, because we watched This Film is Not Yet Rated, a great documentary (that you should watch) that pointed out that the MPAA is uncomfortable with watching women enjoy sex, but not with watching them get raped. Anyway, back to Boys Don’t Cry. It’s based on the true story of Brandon Teena who ran afoul of some Texan homophobes after getting involved with a local beauty. It’s not boring, but some of it is hard to watch. It sucks you in quickly, and the casting is great. We enjoyed seeing Big Love’s Chloe Sevigny play young, white trash. It’s definitely not a feel-good movie. If you don’t mind being depressed or this subject matter, check it out. And, spoiler alert, Brandon Teena totally cried.

Movie grade: B+

Books- 

It by Stephen King

This is an oldie but a goodie, and one of us has finally read it. That blogger has read dozens of other King books, but never got around to It, because she’s not particularly scared of clowns. Well, she’s scared of this one. This book is classic Stephen King: Good v. Evil that doesn’t come across as shallow where good usually wins, but good pays a huge price in the process. The premise is that a group of eleven-year-olds, called The Losers, face off against an evil, shapeshifting force killing children in their town and then vow to return to fight It again if It ever comes back. As adults, they are called back to defeat it for good. The cons of this book is that it is 1,100 pages long and seems to lack any editing whatsoever. Plotwise, it’s not Stephen King’s best, easiest to follow, most intriguing, or most accessible. However, the plot isn’t the draw, but the characterization and the actual writing. The main characters are so real to you by the end of the book that they might as well be your next-door neighbors. With King, you have to love his tangents. You have to love his actual writing. You have to want to read him writing about a guy going to the store and buying a rug or something equally fascinating. This is surprisingly not hard to love, since his writing is so good. This book is one of King’s best and represents his style and work well. But it is going to take great patience, and if you don't mind long books, go for it. This is the book you bring to a desert island, because it’s going to take you a long time and persistence to finish it. It’s not your best quick beach read. We're going to bet that most people who start it don't finish it. It's the horror version of War and Peace: worth reading, but you'll start it a few times. Scariest scene? Possibly when adult Beverly comes home to see her father. We’re going to check out the mini-series now.

Book Grade: B+

Salem Falls by Jodi Picoult

This ranks as one of Jodi’s best books. The premise is that a young teacher, Jack, was falsely accused of rape when a student asserted that they had an affair. Jack pleads guilty to get a light sentence, serves his time, moves to Salem Falls for a fresh start, and falls in love with a local resident. But then history repeats itself. Jack isn’t a total victim though; he often makes unwise decisions (and a grave mistake in college) and is kind of a know-it-all (especially at Jeopardy). We wanted him to get off though. Jack’s love interest lacked presence/was a little bland. It’s the side characters we were interested in, particularly the attorneys and the young women accusing Jack. This is a romance/courtroom drama/mystery, and it’s a pretty engrossing one. It’s well-plotted and full of twists, but we guessed the final twist very early on. Still, it’s a good read for fans of romance, thrillers, and legal yarns. It handles the subjects of actual rape and false accusations of rape deftly. This book is even more enjoyable if you are familiar with The Crucible.

Book grade: A-

  

Matched by Ally Condie

We would have liked this book a lot better if we hadn’t already read The Giver and The Hunger Games. The society is exactly like the one in The Giver. In fact, it could be a sequel to that book with a different main character (this time a teen). Only there is no Giver role and Matched lacks The Giver’s depth and emotion. This is your basic love triangle that’s not particularly romantic. The middle lags with scenes of two teens falling in love and walking through the woods. Snore. There’s some action at the end, but there needed to be more, and hopefully there will be in the following books. But we don’t see the books going anywhere that a better series hasn’t gone before. We liked that the chapters were short (making it easier to read on the toilet; come on, you know you do it too), and the story was okay. We liked that the main female character didn’t start out a rebel at all and we got to see her become one. She didn’t start out Katniss Everdeen walking around the woods with a bow and arrow. We got to see her become disenfranchised with her “perfect” society that didn’t allow choice or real art. It was a quick, easy read, but we’ve seen other books do it better and pack a harder punch. We don’t think we care enough to read the sequel.

Book grade: C+

Insurgent by Veronica Roth

This is the sequel to Divergent. We loved getting to see more of the other factions, especially Candor, and the end revelation was pretty good. The plot was a little all-over-the-place, with the main characters moving around a lot. The book seemed disjointed at times. We liked the way it handled post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and suicidal thoughts in its increasingly well-rounded main character. It also handled her relationship problems well. The main love relationship is mature, full of self-sacrifice, and full of trust, if lacking in heat for this genre. It’s time for a triangle, we say. Uriah seems cool. We liked Divergent better, but this is a worthy middle for the trilogy, and middles are hard to do. We were pretty entertained.

Book grade: B+