South Park - Reverse Cowgirl

Thank you, Lord! Season 16 begins! Even when the season isn't very good, we are happy to watch this show. We miss it so much when it is off the air, because there is no one to take the smug to task without becoming smug themselves. This show needs to exist, for society's sake.

The episode focused on a long-standing debateà  Is it the man’s or woman’s responsibility to make sure the toilet seat is down before a woman sits on it? Clearly, one of the South Park guys had a fight with a wife or girlfriend about leaving the toilet seat up, and this is their response. We wish we had a cartoon with which to spread our angst.

We fall on the side of the women. It is the gentlemanly thing to do. If you believe in any drop of chivalry at all these days, then you will agree that touching a toilet seat because a man left it up is something men should not expect us to do. Gross. With Clyde’s last action, we saw where Trey and Matt stand. Typical dudes.

The episode also mocked the greed of lawyers. You can always sue somebody! The sue-ance was great, especially because of the line: “By the power of Christ, we sue you!” The brunt of the satire also fell on the TSA for having stupid safety laws that subject people (who are clearly not terrorists) to discomfort, long lines, and invasion. It also strongly implied that the people in the TSA are far from real cops and they don't protect anything.

When Harrington actually appeared and especially when he made his revelation about the…uh…laundry hole, we actually laughed aloud. One of us may use the restroom facing the back of the toilet from now on, in tribute to this show. Fortunately, the show didn’t abandon Cartman and Butters, who are the best characters on the show, obviously. They had some good lines, and we even saw the time-honored tradition of hearing Cartman verbally abuse his mom.

We loved seeing the TSA get a beatdown, and there were plenty of gross-out moments that are required in a good South Park episode. This was a strong premiere for South Park, even if it wasn’t a classic.

Episode grade: B+

New Girl - Control

Leeard said that someone else should review this show this week, because Leeard is too biased in its favor. I’m not sure I’m any better though. I rolled my eyes at Jess’s “adorkability” in the first couple of episodes and chafed at her stupidity. However, the show has since become a good ensemble comedy, the second Julia episode vindicated Jess, Jess has been acting smarter, things got real last week with Nick, and New Girl has gotten even funnier. The show is less about how cute Jess is (even though she is still cute) and more about five friends, and all five of the characters are funny. Call us both fans, at this point. This episode continued to develop the non-Jess characters, but we were disappointed in it, because a Schmidt episode should have been a lot funnier.

Schmidt would have OCD. We like this development, because it shows why the other two guys keep him around despite occasional douchiness. He keeps the place clean and takes care of the gang. He's the mother! But why would any guy ban high-waisted shorts on Jess? Those are retro and too cute for the girls who can pull them off. Her big hipster glasses need to go though. Instead of helping Schmidt go to therapy, the more traditional method of helping someone relax, Jess forced him to endure a day on the uncontrollable, totally fun-looking boardwalk and beach. Schmidt should never dance again, even with accepting hippies. Also, we know hippies, and they are not that good looking. Schmidt lucked out there.

Schmidt laid back is not nearly as funny as regular Schmidt, which was a shame. That would have made the episode even better if both iterations of Schmidt were amusing. Also, it was unrealistic how quickly Schmidt changed and then changed back again. He'd better watch out for cult leaders if he's that pliable. We weren’t laughing at Winston and Nick’s money war, for the most part. Mainly because it rang really true and realistic with us. The writing on Nick’s belly was funny though. The episode ended with family-like sweetness and Schmidt’s unbelievably nerdy sex talk, so we were pretty satisfied with it. New Girl wasn’t as good as the last two weeks, and that’s not even because this is Ern (Leeard wholly agrees). Those two episodes were just better, partly because of all the singing. 

Episode grade: B

Smash - Chemistry

We have several problems with Smash at this point. It looked good from the beginning and we weren't the only ones excited about the show. The pilot was great and the second episode was eventful. Since then, the show has disappointed by covering songs that are bad for it and failing to have original songs that are as good as the ones in the pilot. It has also disappointed by being uneventful. One of its biggest weaknesses is that the only likeable, non-slutty character is played by the uncharismatic Katherine McPhee.

We don’t care about Julia because the show had her engaging in adultery too soon. The only reasons we forgave Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City for this behavior were how bad she felt and that the show waited until season three to spring the plotline on us. We were already rooting for Big and Carrie by that point. We found out that Julia was slutty in the third episode. We’re not prudes, but how are we supposed to root for Julia, her family, and her adoption if she’s a cheater? If you are going to have morally bankrupt, grey-area characters, at least make them interesting, like Don Draper.

These people are snoozes and we don’t get why they have no character, except that they are in the cutthroat, sex-obsessed show business and that they are rich and entitled. There are no decent straight guys on the show. Even Karen’s boyfriend has been kind of a douche. Between the boring happenings, the guest starring Jonas brother, and the lack of people we care about, this show is losing our interest, fast. It needs more Broadway, to take more chances, and to narrow in on a few characters and make us like them. It seems spread out between too many characters to do this. This show can still pull it together, but will it get a chance with its low ratings?

They’ve turned poor Ivy into a nearly one-dimensional villain, so it was hard to feel sorry for her when she damaged her voice. Time to get a new voice teacher, Ivy. There are teachers who can help you sing for hours a day with minimal tiredness afterward. Singers need to find those teachers. There should be no pain in the throat when singing, and if there is, singers need to swap to a new coach or get a coach if they haven’t already. What kind of production is this? They need an official understudy. We guess Karen is it, but they should have announced it and told Karen weeks ago.

Thank God Frank is back. Maybe they will let him sing soon, because last we heard, he had one of the best voices in the world. There’s really no other reason to cast him as Julia’s husband. Ivy’s song in her bedroom was histrionic and lame, as usual. Karen covered “Shake It Out” by Florence and the Machine, a song we love, especially its lyrics. It was a sweet version. Florence’s version has a little more distance between the singer and the listener, meaning that there are lots of special effects in the music. We like both versions. Karen butchered those Jewish songs though.

Debra Messing is still so gorgeous. The woman doesn’t age and we want her hair color. Her affair is supposed to hook viewers with its passion, but it’s not hooking us. In an affair, there is excitement, novelty, it’s secret, there’s danger, and it’s bad, so strong feelings are flying around and people mistake them for real love when people are just being fickle. If it’s not real love, we’re not interested. We liked when Ivy blew up at the director. Everything with Eileen was a little dull, as usual.

At least Bernadette Peters will be on next week! Love her.

Episode grade: C+

Pretty Little Liars - If These Dolls Could Talk

What Happened -

Byron and Ella conspire to send Aria to boarding school to get Aria away from Ezra and the mysterious bully threatening their daughter. Aria does not take this lying down, threatening to call the college and tell them about her father’s affair with a student. Ella chastises Aria for betraying her family, but Aria’s threat works. Her parents back down. We kind of love it, even though everything Ella said about how horrible it was is true. Aria goes to Ezra’s and has sex with him. Yep, they finally, for sure boned. Ezra tells Aria that he has to move away in order to find a new teaching job because he was fired by the college.

Jenna took the bandage off her eye and pretended that she couldn’t see, but the surgery worked! She apologized to the Liars and gave Toby the missing page to Ali’s autopsy report, telling Toby that Garrett asked her to hide it. When Toby gives this to the police, Garrett (who is dating Melissa, by the way) is arrested for murdering Alison.

Spencer saw Alison in a dream, and Alison said that Spencer was on the right track. Mona gets a text from A, telling her to break up Caleb and Hanna. Mona tells Hanna, and the two, Caleb, and Emily hatch a plan to fake a break up attempt. Caleb agrees to let Melissa see him making out with Mona, even though he still hates them. Hanna gets a text from A about the make-out session, further incriminating Melissa in the girls’ eyes.

The girls go to the doll repair shop and meet the old lady who owns it, as well as her son, Seth, who is psychic. Seth knows how Alison died and has seen A. The old lady stops Seth from giving the Liars any information. The girls go back to the shop to talk to Seth and walk around the dark, closed doll shop, looking at the creepy dolls. They hear a robot voice say, “Follow me, end up like me.” They follow the voice to a doll version of Alison, complete with fake blood, dirt, and a shovel in her hand. Things start to move, shelves fall down, and the girls run, rather than see who is knocking the dolls down. These girls need a sack and a gun. Leeard disagrees; she is just impressed no one (visibly) peed her pants like she would have. We find out that A has Seth and the old lady under his/her employ.

Comments -

This was probably the creepiest episode yet. We miss you, Ali. We didn’t really register before that Ali and Spencer were like sisters. We liked Spencer’s dream, even though we usually dislike dream sequences. LOST dreams were another exception to that rule. We like when things are obvious dreams and not fake-outs. We don’t miss YOU, Maya. Maya is a bigger bitch than ever. She seriously thought that Emily wouldn’t tell Maya’s parents that she was alright? Emily is nice and wouldn’t let a couple worry like that. We did not miss the nauseating sight of Ezra and Aria making out, but the good news this week is that Ern has finally realized how awesome Ashley Marin is. (Leeard Sidenote: FINALLY!)

It was funny that Creepy Jenna said she wanted Toby’s face to be the first thing she saw, but then she took off her bandage while staring at a mirror. We know who she really loves, haha. Ern is mildly impressed with Jenna. Yeah, she’s a rapist, but she infinitely interesting and she has guts. We admired Jenna’s attempt to move forward with the Liars and let go of her grudges (if it was sincere), and we were sorry that her surgery didn’t work. Then Ern was blown away by the revelation that she was pretending to still be blind. What a great twist. Leeard guessed that she was faking.

Mona is looking more and more like A, but she could just be a red herring for clever people who suspect everyone nice. We really hope it isn’t her. It’s not out-there enough and we don’t think it would satisfy. However, we do think that the text Mona got didn't really sound like the A we know, so maybe she's faking it to get back to being best friends with Hanna? That creepy little kid at the doll repair shop has an unbelievably good memory. We were like, “Why does this show have magical realism now? It’s creepy enough without psychics.” But then we found out that A was working with the doll store people and probably told Seth about Alison, Garrett, and Jenna. Aria was completely out of line to threaten her father, and Ella coming down hard on her was necessary. Leeard was liking angry Aria though. She had more personality. What IS Aria’s personality? She’s the most normal, uninteresting person on TV. We love how little Caleb wanted to make out with Mona, even for Hanna’s benefit. Mona has amazing eyes though. Or amazing eye makeup. Possibly both.

The scene where the girls went back to the doll repair shop was great. We loved the Alison doll’s voice. Ezra told Aria, “Do you have any idea how much I love you,” and instead of boning him, she should have replied, “Yeah, apparently not as much as you love teaching.” Whatever. He will be back, like a weed you keep pulling. At least Garret is polite enough not to drink in front of a pregnant woman. Do you think he really killed Alison? Are the person who killed Alison and A one and the same? Does anyone think A is Noel Kahn, Toby, or Mrs. Hastings? If it were Ezra, we’d fall down and worship this show.

Next week we actually do find out who A is. We can’t believe it! We were thinking about looking at a full list of the PLL characters and analyzing each person, narrowing down the possibilities. But we don’t really want to guess. We want to be surprised.

Episode Grade: A

The Last Three Episodes of Being Human

The Ties that Blind The flashforward of Nora and Josh waking up, naked, in the woods killed any suspense that one of them (ok, Nora) might be killed. Werewolves always look so nasty and feral the next morning when they wake up as humans. Gross. The twins find out about Josh’s betrayal in this episode, and they are none too pleased. No more twin friends. Nora has accepted her wolf side completely, which is crazy, but we kind of like it. Josh and Nora are over, for now, and that creates new possibilities for both characters. We approve.

We can’t believe the twins lived through the night and were completely shocked when Aidan appeared to blow the brother away. How awesome was that? The dead wolf body sure looked nasty. We were sick of him anyway. Sally had a great showdown with Danny, who died in prison. The reaper showed up, took Danny, and made it clear that it won’t be long until he eliminates Sally too. Hey, but at least she’s special! This episode was more action-packed than usual. Most of the time we like our episodes a little more talky and relationship driven, but this was fine.

Episode grade: B

I’ve Got You Under My Skin We loved when Sally told herself to “nut up” in the beginning of the episode. We say that all the time (usually to each other). This girl is lucky she died with lipstick on. Right away, we thought it would be so cool if Sally became a reaper. Sally, it’s a pretty crazy idea to rip apart the reaper. That could have all sorts of otherworldly consequences and upset the balance between life and death. Duh. Sally does need a purpose in order for her storylines to become more than her just wandering around, trying to connect. It’s insane that her first kill assignment was supposed to be the troubled Stevie. Training continues next episode…

We love Josh. He’s so sad from his breakup. Julia is back. Yayyyy. She left too soon. We really loved her with Aidan. Sadly, she’s hanging out with Josh. We liked their interactions though, especially the scene where Julia told Josh that she came to Boston to find him. These two are believable as exes who would have made it if not for the supernatural. It was a bad time to have this conversation since Josh is already feeling guilty about destroying Nora. We were also happy to see Josh’s cool sister. She looks like a prettier version of Tina Majorino (not that Tina Majorino is unpretty).

Aidan and Suren’s plan to kill the orphans was insanely clever. Legal documents can kill vampires, eh? We kind of hope Suren’s torture of Henry kills Aidan’s love for her. She’s a sick, vengeful puppy. We think Aidan should have stayed to watch and support though, so that he could make sure Suren didn’t kill him. In all the drama, we wish there were more lighthearted moments and more happy roommate scenes. Sometimes this show feels too intense, and we like dark stuff, as you know. This was a good episode though.

Episode grade: B+

When I Think About You, I Shred Myself- Mi casa su casa, Skinless Henry. Gross! And poor Henry. Aidan’s devotion to his son was admirable, but it’s a shame that he had to brainwash two innocent women in order to feed Henry. It was better than forcing them to touch something they thought had no skin though. By the end of Aidan’s dark season, will viewers still like and root for him? Watching Henry feed on them was really sick. Henry is just as bad as Suren. Aidan needs to kill both of them as soon as possible. We got some much-needed background on Aidan and Henry as civil war veterans. Best of all, no one had a doofy mustache.

From the start of the episode, it looked like Julia was trying to get back with Josh. Friends first, lovers second. We can’t believe they had to attend a sexual harassment seminar together and that they sat next to each other. Talk about awkward. We liked Josh’s dead friend until he possessed Josh and slept with Julia. That is going to make things soooo complicated. Poor Josh ... after all he went through with Nora and his sacrifice in giving up Julia. If you loved her, you wouldn’t rape her or hurt her by making her think Josh wanted her, dude. As much good, emotional history as there is with Josh and Julia, we still want her with Aidan more. They were really sweet together.

At the beginning of the episode, we were like, “Sally is a ghost-hunting ghost now! Whoopeeeeee! Now her storylines might be as interesting as Josh and Aidan’s. We hope she loses her hesitant attitude soon and just becomes as bad ass as we know she can be. Will the pleasure of shredding make her evil though?” We love Sally, as a character, and often feel for her. We think the actress does a good job. But it is high time for Sally to have something real to do. Then when we found out the reaper was lying and evil, we were happy about the surprising twist, but sad that it threatened Sally’s possible storyline well. 

Then there was yet another twist. There was no reaper. Sally is losing it. Oh no! We love that this was foreshadowed in the first season. Sally is ripping ghosts right and left, her reckless actions changing her into something everyone should be afraid of, especially by the look of the previews next week. Worst roommate ever. Well, this show just got real. Where are they going to take this from here? Is Sally possessed by the dark thing or is she just crazy? We had been wishing that Aidan, Josh and Sally spent a little more time together. We guess that wish will come true in six days. We could have predicted almost nothing in this episode, and we love getting the break from Nora and the wolf sister.

Episode grade: A-

The Past Two Episodes of Shameless

 Parenthood-

 We were surprised when we saw that Sheila had taken in Frank and his mother. Did we miss an episode where Shelia and Frank made up and Frank convinced her that he wasn’t actually a user? There wasn’t a word to explain why she did this. Jody is even hanging out there (the actor has been made a series regular, so get used to him), so we guess Sheila’s house is an open house. Jody is a nice guy; he’s just really bad in bed. Freakishly bad.

We liked Lip’s idea to force Fiona to go back to school. His guidance counselor is the best. Lip is being an idiot, but we get that he doesn’t want to be everyone’s golden goose. Call him selfish, but we think that’s a lot of pressure. He’s just a teen rebelling against that pressure. Fiona was right to kick him out. Poor Carl though. We were sad about how the Lip storyline turned out last week.

Thank God Karen is going to sell her baby. That’s a weird statement, but in this case, it’s great. She is a freaking psychopath and “all the work” of pregnancy to her means staying off of drugs. Which she doesn’t. The whole thing is hilarious, but we do want a happy ending for Karen’s baby because we are human. After what Frank did to Butterface, we aren’t shocked by him stealing his dying mother’s morphine. The episode wasn’t tame though. “Statutory or catch-and-release” was one of our favorite lines of the episode, sick as it is.

We hope V gets pregnant soon so that we don’t have to watch her try to get pregnant all season. Peggy’s first suicide attempt was pretty great. We loved her death. Mike trying to kill Frank was dumb and not even that funny. It was funny that Frank didn’t care at all about catching Ian in gay coitus. Frank sounds politically conservative when he rants at the bar, but he thinks gays are natural. He just cracked jokes.

Episode grade: A-

Hurricane Monica-

Monica returns. The absent mother moves back in and no one is happy at first except Frank. Fiona is especially angry about Monica and Frank getting back together. When Frank and Monica throw a spontaneous drunken party in the living room, in the middle of the night, Fiona allows them to stay so that Deb can make a memory with her mother. But she’s not happy about it. Later, she comes around to house parties with the whole family, because Steve tells Fiona that she deserves a break now that Monica is back.

We love that people were hesitant to let Lip live with them. You don’t want to enable self-destructive behavior. Everyone gave Lip the tough love and straight talk he needed. Until Steve. Fortunately, Steve wised up and Lip had to move out. Is the program that Lip used to listen to Steve’s wife’s Portuguese real? If so, is it free?

Monica helped Deb out with Little Hank by existing and looking good, much to our dismay. Deb, he’s not good enough for you. We think that Monica should retire the pigtails, as should any woman over 30. Ian has the worst parents, but they are so good about his homosexuality. They smoked Peggy’s ashes, but they aren’t always terrible parents.

It boggles the mind. In reality, Jody and Sheila would be perfect together. They are both sweet and stupid. It’s really messed up to sleep with the same guy your daughter did though. For an episode with the word “hurricane” in it, it sure took a while to get going. There was too much bickering and too few laughs. We don’t think we got enough Kev and V either. Please tell us it wasn't Lip who knocked up Mandy because we know it wasn't Ian.

Episode grade: B-

The Good Wife - Long Way Home

We’re kind of sick of Mr. Sweeney. We don’t like him and would boo him too. We usually like when old guests come back to this show, but not with this guy. We can’t believe any woman who looks like Morena Baccarin would sleep with him. Too obvious? Psh. He’s so arrogant that he sat and verbally evaluated her blowjob skills to his lawyers. Dude, in real life, that woman wouldn’t touch you, even if she were a hooker on a Firefly. In all fairness, she liked Marshall on How I Met Your Mother, but Marshall you are not.

We are also annoyed with how Caitlin kept getting pats on the back for timidly doing simple-ass things. Geneva needs to go and take her white guilt-inducing statements with her. Kalinda and Alicia had a nice, friendly exchange in the beginning of the episode! Please, please let them become friends again. Bebe Neuwirth guest starred as the judge on Sweeney’s lawsuit, and we love her because of Broadway and Frasier and her fabulousness. At what age will she not be beautiful in that cold, unique way? Grey’s Anatomy’s Ellis Grey was opposing counsel, and it’s nice to see her playing someone less mean and crazy. 

No, Kalinda, waitresses don’t have the best gossip. Hairdressers do. And in order to keep that short cut, Morena would have to go to the hairdresser a LOT. If Kalinda were as good as the media say she is, she would have gone to the hairdresser. Meh, she found the info anyway. We're not sure why the show is having Alicia go through real estate problems, but we trust the show and know that it end up serving a real, plot-driving purpose.

We love how well this show knows the rules of evidence. Not only that, the show understands them. No other shows and movies seem to be aware that these even exist. The rules of evidence keep lawyers from saying and doing anything they want in court. It can also keep them from dramatic speeches that are the staple of other shows. It can also keep them from looking cool. This is the rare show when having legal knowledge will actually help you follow the show, rather than just ruin the show because you know how ridiculous it is. We can’t emphasize that enough. This show must have (good) staff lawyers or crackerjack researchers. 

Once again, we want Alicia’s red jackets and yet wonder if they would be professional in the real legal world. Alicia is the best mentor in the world and Caitlin doesn’t deserve her. Go ahead and quit. Caitlin just has no gumption and no pizzazz. She’s like a little mouse, devoid of personality and balls. Go get married and have a baby, Caitlin. She is right that she doesn’t have to prove anything though. There’s nothing wrong with staying home and raising a kid. Does this mean we will get a new associate character? We like the way the show handled this issue and stated that women broke the glass ceiling for just this reason: so women could have choice without shame.

We liked that Alicia was honest in court and didn’t try to elicit more lies from Sweeney. “It’s a bad economy for ideals” is a good quote. We also love Cary for coming clean to Peter. He really is a good guy and we hope he gets Caitlin’s job. He has never been hotter, and he was already hot. Honesty really turns us on, and it also makes us respect characters, especially when they are lawyers. Sweeney’s kid is adorable. Can that mother please keep him away from Sweeney? Ugh, we guess not. Raised by both of them, that kid is going to become such a liar. Alicia’s tour through her old house was surprisingly affecting for viewers with no memory of it. Finding the height chart was predictable though.

Do you guys know who Emerson Spartz is? The founder of Mugglenet.com? Come on, we know we have some hardcore HP fandom here. Well, Alicia’s son looks just like Emerson (who wrote on Ern’s facebook wall….TWICE, making those two days the highlight of Ern’s young life. Emerson is so dreamy). This show is pretty much always good. We argue over whether it is CBS' only quality show. Leeard likes to make a case for How I Met Your Mother and Two Broke Girls deserving the title of "quality CBS shows," but Ern suspects it's because Leeard doesn't watch The Good Wife. Yet. She intends to.

Episode grade: B+

Once Upon a Time - Red Handed

What happened-

Fairytale World: Red Riding Hood/Liza likes a guy named Peter who keeps visiting her window, despite Red’s Granny wanting to keep them apart. There is a wolf in the village, killing sheep and all the men who hunt it at night, and Granny thinks Red should stay indoors rather than go Romeo and Julieting all over town. Red is brave and kind, and she wants to join the villagers to hunt the wolf, but Granny won’t let her. Granny says the color red keeps wolves away, so Red has to wear her trademark cloak all the time. Granny tells the town to just stay indoors because she saw the wolf as a girl. It scratched her arm and killed her father and brothers. That’s why Granny totes a crossbow at all times.

Red finds Snow in Granny’s chicken coop, stealing a couple of eggs. Red lets Snow stay with her. They go to get water from the well and find it filled with blood. They turn around and see the bodies of the latest wolf-hunting party. Red and Snow discuss true love, and Red decides to get rid of the wolf so that her Granny will have no good excuse to keep her away from Peter. Red tells Snow that if they hunt the wolf during the day, they will have the advantage. Red tracks the wolf’s footprints until they turn into half wolf and half human. Then they just turn human and lead back to Red’s window. Red and Snow remember that Peter goes to Red’s window.

Snow convinces Red to go to Peter and tell him that he’s the wolf. If anyone can tell him this horrible news, it’s Red. Peter trusts Red pretty quickly and agrees to be chained up that night for the change. Red promises to stay with him. That night, Granny realizes Red is missing and tells Snow that Red is the wolf, and Granny has been keeping her lycanthropy a secret from Red. The wolf was Red’s grandfather and he scratched Granny so that he’d know where to find her.

Granny turned into a wolf and bore a wolf daughter. Because Granny is so old, she is no longer transforming. Red started changing at 13. Granny gave Red an enchanted cloak that keeps her from changing, but sometimes Red takes it off. Snow and Granny go to find Peter and Red, but Red is already eating him. Granny shoots the wolf with an arrow and Snow throws the cloak over the wolf’s body. Red turns back into a girl, seemingly unhurt by the arrow, and Snow rushes her home.

Storybrooke: Granny gets upset when Ruby flirts with August (in Granny’s defense, it was shameless and just the sort of thing that made us think Ruby was a floozy at first). Ruby quits her job at the diner and Mary lets Ruby stay with her. After realizing that Ruby is tougher and more competent than she seems at first glance, Emma gives Ruby a job as her assistant.

Mary goes looking for Kathryn and stumbles on David wandering around in the woods, acting strangely. He doesn’t seem to know what he is doing or who Mary is. The next day (nice), Emma goes looking for David, taking Ruby. Ruby is able to find David, and he is unconscious on the floor of the woods. They take him to Dr. Whale, who suggests that David’s brain is still wonky from the coma. David doesn’t remember anything from the past night. Emma remembers that the last time David was found unconscious, he was at the toll bridge, so she tells Ruby to go look for clues. Emma thinks there might be something related to Kathryn’s disappearance there, because everyone is suspecting David of foul play.

Ruby finds a jewelry box buried in the dirt. She opens it and freaks out. We find out later that it as a heart in it. Emma goes to tell Mary and David, assuming that it’s Kathryn’s heart since she is the only missing person around. David demands that Emma arrest him, thinking that he wanders around hurting people in his sleep. But Emma tells them that the prints on the inside of the box are actually Mary’s.

Comments -

First of all, Red is gorgeous. She looks a little too harsh with bright makeup and straight hair, so we didn’t notice just how pretty she was earlier. Why did Peter just happen to have a bunch of chains with him? Weird. This show needs to work on its internal logic. The wolf eating Peter was the nastiest thing we’ve seen on this show, even if we didn’t see much of it. The bucket of blood was pretty gross too. We’ve always wanted this show to get a touch more macabre. If we had it our way, it would be super dark and Brothers Grimm-like, but this is a family show and we like its family ratings. This level of dark is fine. We think it’s pretty clear that Granny got raped by a wolf and maybe that’s TOO dark. We like the way they kept that subtle though. The kiddies won’t get it. Another thing they won’t get? Wolfing out only happens when women menstruate. Weird.

Granny really needed to tell Red what she was a lot sooner. It’s easier to live with the burden of being a wolf if you NEVER KILLED PEOPLE and kept your cloak on. Clearly, this situation was not under control. Of course Red would take her cloak off indoors and at night when she gets in bed. Ugh. We were surprised that Peter got eaten. With this show, we assumed Granny and her crossbow would get there in time. The heart in the jewelry box is Graham’s, right? We love the lack of damsels in distress in this fairytale show. We would expect nothing less from a show containing LOST writers, since that show had well-rounded, mysterious woman. This episode was one of the strongest in the show’s season so far. It was mostly coherent, had believable relationships (something this show struggles with occasionally), and contained just the right amount of Henry.

Episode grade: A

The Blogging Break Is Over/Last Week's Shows

We will now be posting daily again, for the most part. We reserve the right to take a day or weekend off if school decides to hate us again. Thanks for hanging in there with us. The numbers in our stats didn't suffer at all, meaning just about everyone reading this blog stuck around. That's awesome, and it makes this worth it. We are addicted to blogging anyway.

Sunday
Once Upon a Time - Dreamy
This was a really cute episode, mainly because one of us has adored Amy Acker since Angel. We got Grumpy's backstory (finally?). Apparently, in the Enchanted Forest, he was named Dreamy first, and he fell in love with Amy Acker's fairy Nova. Their bosses find out about their forbidden love and Grumpy turns into Grumpy. In our world, Leroy (Grumpy) falls for Astrid (Nova) and it seems that their love isn't necessarily forbidden, but frowned upon, since Astrid is a nun. People are still being mean to Mary, but things seem to pick up at the end of the episode when Granny lights Mary's candle.
Episode Grade: B+

GCB - Pilot
There was a blogger split on this show. Ern pretty much hated it, thought it was boring, didn't laugh at all, and wondered why it was a full hour. She liked Kristin Chenoweth's performance though. Leeard was just the opposite. She thought Kristin was a weak spot in a funny, enjoyable pilot. One thing we both agree on is the leading lady, Leslie Bibb. She has charisma and just enough mature cuteness to carry this show if the writing gives her good material. Both of us hope that Kristin's character stays to the side so that Bibb can be the main attraction. Kristin is better on the side. A little of that shrill voice goes a long way. We like the way Kristin was allowed to sing in a believable way (church choir). We also like the main character's funny mother and her daughter's new dye job. It's not disrespectful to Christians or anything. The worst thing it does to this group is associate these prideful, superficial, judgmental people with Christians. But, hey, lots of Christians kind of deserve that...We are amazed that they decided on GCB for the title because people are going to wonder what it is when they see it in their TV guides. Even Good Christian Belles would have been better. The original title's B stood for "Bitches", and that really would have been best. But, alas, people are prudes. The show reminds us a little of Desperate Housewives, only with more cattiness.
Leeard's grade: B, Ern's grade: D+

House of Lies - Veritas
Okay, if you're thinking of going to B-School, watch this episode. It epitomizes recruiting events, in the most depressing way possible. Usually the cutthroat person is another candidate, but it's still accurate.
Episode Grade: A

The Good Wife- Live from Damascus, After the Fall

Live From Damascus- Jonathan Groff was in this episode! He cried the entire time, but he still looked hot and manly. Will absolutely made the right decision to accept the suspension. Diane was crazy. The bar would have absolutely disbarred him because messing with client money is like the number one thing they disbar people for. We really felt for Will though, which is rare. Kathy’s brother on The Big C was a defendant in this episode. The case was powerful, and there was an element of tension when we found out it was possible for the lawyers to save a young woman’s life. This show is so good at being aware of the world at large, other countries, complex legal issues, and the way people think. After the Fall- Mina from Off the Map was the opposing attorney! We miss that show. Dexter Morgan’s older brother was the defendant. Will’s sisters are so different from both himself and each other. They were adorable. However, this episode was quiet and didn’t blow us away like the last couple.

Episode Grades: A- and B

Monday
The Lying Game - Unholy Matrimony
Alec and Rebecca are getting married. Emma and Ethan are over (for now), and Thayer is obviously falling for Emma, which we totally support. They're the only decent people on this show (besides Mads and Laurel, but that's beside the point). Sutton is still the worst person on this planet. Kristin finally got awesome and told off Ted and Rebecca for the affair. Ethan and Sutton find the picture of Alec holding a tire iron over Derek's head on Rebecca's computer while they're snooping during the engagement dinner. They show it to Dan and Theresa, who manage to get a search warrant pretty darn fast. Thayer lets the police into the house so they can search for any evidence that Alec was involved in Derek's death. We are loving Thayer in this episode. While the cops are searching the house, they find a bloody tire iron in Alec's golf clubs (!!!). After the cops take Alec away at the wedding, we see Sutton watching the scene from a room in the club. It turns out to be the bridal suite and HOLY CRAP Rebecca is Sutton/Emma's mother and she and Sutton have been planning this all along! We honestly don't know if this is awesome or terrible, but HOLY CRAP! Also, are Sutton and Emma actually Ted's children? Because that would be pretty cool. And how long have Sutton/Rebecca known about each other? Did Sutton actually find her in LA and we just weren't privy to that scene? ABC Family hasn't picked this up for a second season yet, but come on. There needs to be some closure on this insanity, even if it's just a movie.
Episode Grade: A

Pretty Little Liars - Eye of the Beholder

Jenna got the operation and Toby is back! Oh Toby, we’ve missed your face. And your arms. He’s seriously and suddenly looking really good in this episode. He kind of looks like Joaquin Phoenix. Ern doesn’t care how he looks; she will always be team Wren. Leeard, once again, is team threesome. We like the new hottie, Duncan. He needs to calm his tits though. Most people do. We loved that this episode had Toby and Wren interacting. We’ve never found Ezra sexier than we did in this episode. He finally grew a little shrivel of a sack! Wren reminds us of Ezra, looks-wise, only he’s better looking. We are ok with Wren and Spencer because Wren is not Spencer’s teacher. He may be older, but it’s the authority abuse thing that we don’t like. Also, Spencer can handle it. Mona is turning into the best, which makes us think she might be A. We hope not though. Hanna Marin is a hero, hoo-rah. Seven days until we find out who A is. Holy crap! We loved this episode. It was light on the action at first, but we still loved it, and then the action amped up. This show is so good. We can’t even. A is incredible, and Emily is really the best person. Sidenote: shout out to Conshohocken on the show! Nice!

Episode Grade: A-

Alcatraz - "The Ames Brothers" and "Sonny Burnett"
Well it took 9 episodes, but we finally got a case that was actually interesting. The Ames Brothers episode was okay; Hurley was captured by two brothers who tried to steal gold from Alcatraz in '63. They failed back then, even though they had a wildly elaborate plan, because they took the wrong keys from the warden. When the guard they were working with finally gets into the vault in 2012, there's nothing there. However, the audience sees that there was gold in that vault when the warden opens it and basically makes out with a massive gold bar. Sonny Burnett, however, was pretty good (for this show). The inmate who came back was a kidnapper; in our time, he kidnapped Mr. Pierce, who owns a cosmetics empire with his wife. Apparently, Mr. Pierce's wife Helen was, back in '63, basically Burnett's victim/accomplice. She turned him in and he went to Alcatraz. Then, Helen took the money Burnett had hidden away. He obviously wants revenge, so he kills her husband, kidnaps her daughter and buries her in the field where is money was hidden. Well that's terrifying. Of course they find the daughter in time. The only thing we find out about the overall mythology of the show is that some of the inmates have colloidal silver in their blood, keeping them healthier than they should otherwise be.
Episode Grades: C and B+

Smash - Let's Be Bad
Leo (Julia's son) gets caught hanging out with people smoking pot and Tom and his lawyer friend get him off with a bench warrant. Apparently this is enough to potentially mess up the adoption. Julia and Michael kiss outside her apartment (in view of her son) after he stopped by their home. Whatever, we like them together more than Julia and her husband. Derek scolds Ivy in front of everyone and makes Karen teach Ivy how to sing part of a song properly. It's sufficiently awkward for all parties involved, but Ivy plays it like it's what Marilyn would've done, just to make Karen feel worse about it. Ivy starts to go a little crazy. Honestly, we know we're supposed to be rooting for Karen, and we are (in her personal life), but Megan Hilty just IS Marilyn, so we'll probably be a little bummed when Ivy somehow loses the role. The musical is starting to come into its own, and we're starting to actually get excited about the show within the show (if not Smash itself).
Episode Grade: C+

Tuesday
Switched at Birth - Game On
Ugh this episode was so frustrating! We feel really bad for Bay; she wants to help Emmett's mom, but she doesn't want Emmett to hate her. We can definitely relate. Most of the family goes to Daphne's basketball tournament, where Carlton has to play Buckner in the first round. Carlton beats Buckner, which is unsurprising. However, what is surprising is that Emmett freaking sleeps with Simone after a fight with Bay. We're not going to get into the whole teen/premarital sex thing, because it's a tv show. But sleeping with someone he LITERALLY just met and has even less in common with than Bay? After getting into a (legitimate) fight with his girlfriend? Makes us start to hate Emmett. And we really don't want to hate him, because his face is just so awesome.
Episode Grade: C

Cougar Town - Full Moon Fever
Jules and Andy argue about who is the King of the cul-de-sac (it's obviously Jules). Some kids start riding their bikes through their backyards, and ultimately it falls on Jules and Andy to work together to stop them. It's adorable, as usual. Speaking of adorable, Sarah Chalke guest starred as Travis' photography teacher, who falls for Bobby. We like where this is going. Laurie starts dating a soldier through Twitter, which Ellie mocks her for. Once Ellie reads their tweets though, she realizes that this is actually the healthiest relationship Laurie has been in .... basically forever. Maybe Smith was better.
Episode Grade:

Breaking In - The Contra Club
We're pretty glad this show came back. It was pretty funny, and very weird, last year, so it was a nice surprise that it was un-canceled. However, we're worried about the addition of Megan Mullally to the cast. She's great in guest-starring roles (see: Happy Endings), but we're not loving her character so far. It's been one episode though, we'll give her a shot.
Episode Grade: B

New Girl - Injured
Honestly, Leeard needs to stop reviewing this show. She's so biased it isn't even funny. It's just so adorable. Cece and Schmidt finally bonded on a more emotional level, Winston had to say goodbye to his old, rundown car, and Nick finds out that he might have something seriously wrong with him (medically; we already know there's something seriously wrong with him mentally since he's not with Jess yet).
Episode Grade: A

Jane By Design - The End of the Line
Oh hey, another frustrating episode. Ben tries to make Jane quit, but he ultimately realizes that she loves, and is really good at, her job. Jane accuses India of being the mole, and Gray fires India on the spot. It turns out that Jeremy was the mole (which one of us predicted, because India being the mole was way too easy). After the (successful, of course) fashion show, Jeremy starts to tell Jane about his feelings for her, but leaves to talk to Beau. Billy comes in and tells Jane that he's always been in love with her and we groaned. Yes they've made it pretty obvious from the beginning that he's in love with her, but we were so thankful that it they weren't going there. We miss platonic opposite sex relationships on TV. It happens in real life, people.
Episode Grade: B-

Parenthood - My Brother's Wedding
Yes, yes, we know this one was a while ago, but we totally forgot to stick it in the post, and it's a finale! We can't ignore it. The adoption storyline took a sad but predictable turn, and we guess Julia's reward for all her trouble is that she changed Coffee Girl's life? Meh. Good luck explaining to Sid why she has a new older brother. That's going to be pretty interesting. Amber and Bob, why did you not get together? Crosby's wedding was sweet, but we sort of wish they had sold the Luncheonette. The time they've spent there, fighting, has been alright, but we wanted the show to move on from that a little. The finale was sweet, overall, and we are sad to see such a short season. Hopefully the show comes back because we don't think there was resolution here.
Episode grade: B

Wednesday
Psych - Heeeeere's Lassie
We don't mention this show much, but we just wanted to say that while some shows (*cough*GLEE*cough*) need to cool it on the tribute episodes, Psych does them so, so well.
Episode Grade: A

Thursday
The Office - Last Day in Florida
Jim saves Dwight from being fired. After she tells him that she plans on staying in Florida, Andy decides to go there to get Erin back.
Episode Grade: C

Parks and Recreation - Campaign Shakeup, Lucky
Well, we are caught up on this show just in time for it to leave us. There will be a hiatus since Community is coming back, and that's the only reason we aren't screaming. Campaign Shakeup: You know Tim Allen's character on Last Man Standing? Well, Ron is so much more of a man than that guy. We wish he could cross over to Last Man Standing and show Allen what a shemale he really is. The line about slaughtering calves when he was six was a Swanson Classic. This episode featured Kathryn Hahn as a guest star, and we always like her, even if her short-lived show, Free Agents, sucked this fall. And it did. It's disturbing that Leslie wants to bang Joe Biden. Andy's water balloon Kamikaze was great. Also, there's nothing sweeter than the ever-platonic Ron/April relationship. Lucky: Tom is a lot funnier now that he isn't trying to make that business work. We love when he sings. More Tom singing, we say. So Ron's life was shaped by powerful women, eh? That's why he has to be so manly. We are sick of guys who want weak, stupid women so that they can feel more like men. How about you just man up even more, like Ron? Ron got the girl over Chris, in a stunning twist. She must have been impressed with his steak-eating abilities. The lines in both these episodes were hilarious. Leslie accidentally getting drunk for her interview wasn't as funny as it should have been though. We had another famous guest star, Sean Hayes, as the interviewer, and he was just OK. Will the Tom/Ann breakup stick this time? We're thinking not. We will miss you, show.
Episode grades: B+ and A-

Friday
Degrassi - Can't Tell Me Nothing Part 2
We don't usually cover this show, but Leeard just had to say: if Jenna takes ANOTHER one of Clare's boyfriends, we will riot. Even if Clare isn't currently dating Jake, what is WRONG with Jenna? Find your own guys to like, goodness gracious.
Episode Grade: B

Movies
We saw Wanderlust. Leeard thought it was weird. Maybe it's just Paul Rudd, but she agreed with him 100% of the time. There were about five or six uniquely, awesomely funny parts, but they never lasted very long. This movie had split-second moments of brilliance, but the overall movie wasn't that funny. Grade: C+ We saw Woman in Black to support Daniel Radcliffe because we think he is a hardworking, cool person. We liked the Gothic, old fashioned setting, the goreless scares, the plot, and the cast. Dan did alright! There was nothing new in the movie, and if you hate or are not scared of ghosts, there won't be much here for you. It's a traditional ghost story. There were definitely a few scares, and we were really into it by the time the ending came around. But like many horror movies, the ending disappointed and came out of nowhere. Still, this was one of the best horror movies of recent years.. Grade: B. Chronicle was so much fun. Yeah, the "found footage" stuff is everywhere, but you haven't seen a superhero movie do it yet, have you? There was humor, likable characters, a fast pace, tension, action, and high school drama. The acting was great and the script was clever. All three leads should (and probably will) be stars. This was the most pleasant surprise of our entertainment week. Grade: A-. Rampart was mostly an excuse for Woody Harrelson to prove once again that he can act. This one had a good cast with lots of TV favorites, but it was way too long and dour. It succeeds as a character study and close look at a cop who is more evil than good. The plot was meandering and we just got to swim in this guy's self-inflicted misery for a few hours. It was fun seeing Ben Foster as a gross homeless man though. This was more art/indie than a crowd-pleaser or mainstream entertainer. Whether you like this will come down to personal taste. We just wish there had been a tighter plot. Grade: B-.

Books
We read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, and it was excellent. If you dislike quiet or shy people/think they are bad and selfish, if you are an introvert (even if you aren't shy) who always wished to be a little different, if you have or are going to have children, if you are a boss in the workplace, if you want to understand yourself better, or if you are an extrovert who just wants to understand literally half the people around you, you should rush to read this book. Cain's writing is readable, despite its academic nature and nonfiction subject matter. It really shows the upsides of being introverted, explains why they are that way (they are highly sensitive to stimuli), and gives advice to both groups. This book is both necessary and interesting, and we are not surprised it's a best seller. Recommended to anyone interested in the topic. We are both ambiverts (whenever we take a quiz, we get 50% introvert and 50% extrovert.) We love our introvert traits though. Introverts are bad ass, and more people should know it. Grade: A

Old Show Alert
Ern is still watching Veronica Mars but didn't get very far into the second season. It was spring break and we were partying it up. Ern was in Seattle, eating all the good food they have there. MMMM. Anyway, Ern watched two episodes of season two. It's weird to see Veronica hanging out with the 09ers and dating Duncan. We thought she grew out of him. He seems a little slow, quite frankly, but it seems like Logan needs to get a reign on his temper in order to deserve Veronica. The bus crash was a surprise, but it was necessary. This show is still huge on exposition and explaining past events, spaced out in flashbacks. That really annoyed Ern in the pilot, but she has gotten used to it, mostly. Normal is the Watchword: B+. Driver Ed: B.