Grey's Anatomy- season 9, episodes 8-9

photo by Alan Light [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

We liked Neve Campbell guest starring as yet another of Derek's sisters. She's direct, smart, and honest.  We loved her calling out Meredith on being a selfish, distant family member who doesn't come to visit and doesn't seek relationships with her relatives. It really is weird. We get that Meredith didn't have a cozy family life growing up, but she needs to not let her crummy family make her pre-judge her new one. Neve looks like she could be related to Stephen King or Rob Lowe.

The Vampire Diaries- season 4, episode 9

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We're just going to ignore Elena's sire bond for most of this post. It's not romantic, it leads to sexist places, it's a cop-out, it cheapens the show's relationships, and it's boring. It's dragging down the show, hard. Now Stefan is all mad because Damon didn't break things off right away, but Damon ends up doing it at the end of this episode, blah blah blah, we don't give a scheiste (that's Ern's made-up German word that Leeard hates). It's time to end the triangle. We know they won't.

Glee season 4, episodes 8-10

Yeah, we're mean and tried to make you watch this again.

Thanksgiving- Whose idea was it to "have a Kiki"/do that song? How painful. We just watched it in awe, remembering that Glee really can be this terrible. We were also angry about Quinn. The show finally brought Quinn back, like we've been wanting, but we didn't get the mature, capable Quinn who left for Yale. The show brought back Crazy Quinn who is boning the wrong guy: in this case, her married professor. Yuck. Why does Sue have a baby? The show gave Sue a baby and then did almost nothing with it. Thank God, but still. It makes the whole thing more pointless and annoying.

Have You Guys Seen This Trailer?

Even though they cast guys who aren't our type, physically, this movie looks surprisingly awesome. We read three of the books and thought they'd make good movies, but usually teen books fail in the execution to become decent films. Here's hoping this is an exception.

Pretty Little Liars- Summary of Seasons 1, 2, and the first half of 3

UPDATE: A new summary can be found here. It includes all of season three now.

Since the pathetic season one summary has been so popular, we thought we'd do this again and do this right for the thousands (89,910 according to this blog's stats) of people crawling all over this site looking for a way to catch up on PLL or refresh their memories. Know that this post took weeks. PLL is kind of a complex show. There are tons of clues, everywhere, and this recap will probably miss, like 1,000 of them. But we'll hit all the big notes and clues that we think are going to be important.

First, a few characters.

American Horror Story- Season 2, episodes 7-9

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At this point in the season, this show's ever-present problems are starting to wear on us. It's running too long, mostly because it's been in its climax almost the entire time. When you're always going 100 miles per hour on a show, it makes it hard to appreciate developments. We complain about build-up and quiet episodes, but we really do need a show to keep us at 20 mph before speeding up. You have to f***ing earn it, Ryan. If you want us to feel real horror, real devastation, and real fear, you have to work on us for a while, sit with us, introduce us to ideas, and THEN shoot your wad.

Modern Family- season 4, episodes 9-10

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When a Tree Falls- This is the one where Mitchell and Cameron work together to save a tree, Haley picks trash up by the side of the road, Jay strives to bond with younger men by throwing Phil under the bus, Alex tries to get an unflattering picture of Haley, and Claire gets caught shoplifting, only to be saved by Gloria faking labor. Cameron stole the show with his jealousy of the Cats lead and his understudy costume. Haley's mugshots were funny and cute, but we were less impressed with Alex's storyline. It felt beneath her, and since the pictures of Alex were not that bad or funny at all, the number of facebook "likes" they got were just stupid and unrealistic.

The Golden Globes are on crack

The Newsroom and Smash (?!!) were nominated in best show categories. Boardwalk Empire was nominated and not Mad Men. Also, no Game of Thrones. Episodes was nominated over Louie. Whatever. We're glad Girls got some love.

Arrow has lost us for now.

It's an unrealistic, predictable, and kind of sad Batman knock-off. Maybe the comics are cooler and more original. Heck, we'd bet on it. But the show has been unbelievable to the point that the plot isn't convincing even in its own world. We're not attached to anyone on this show, and it's a little too procedural. We've given it a fair shake though. Eight episodes is a lot for something we don't look forward to watching. We may revisit it later, but probably not. Paul Blackthorne deserves better than this boring show, haha.

Are you still watching?

Airdates for Spring Shows We Mean to Watch

So, this is the full list of spring shows that we probably won't be ignoring completely.

January 7
Bunheads
Deception
Switched At Birth

January 8
Pretty Little Liars
Cougar Town

January 13
Girls
Shameless
Enlightened
House of Lies

January 14
Being Human
The Carrie Diaries

January 17
Suits

January 21
The Following

January 30
The Americans

January 31
Do No Harm

February 5
Smash

February 7
Community

February 13
Southland

February 14
Zero Hour

February 19
Cult

March 3
Red Widow March

March 31
Game of Thrones
Mr. Selfridge

Possibly Merlin (1/4) and Justified (1/8) too, if we're caught up by then.

New Girl- Season 2, episodes 9-11

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Eggs- In this episode, Jess became obsessed with the idea that she might not have enough time to have children, but it turns out to be CeCe who should worry. Ah, the ticking clock. Girl, preach it. We've been worried about that ever since we realized how awkward and useless we are with the menfolk. No, we're not like those dumb girls on tumblr who are actually beautiful whining that no one will ever love us. We know someone will. But will they realize our weirdness is cool IN TIME? Jess, be our spirit animal for this one. You're pretty weird yourself. Schmidt's bedroom troubles stole the show for us, especially when the lesbian doctor pronounced him a va-genius after he named all his hilarious-sounding moves. We also loved Nick finishing his zombie book and having it be legendarily terrible. We'd still read it. The show ought to actually write and publish it. Very funny, very real episode.
Episode grade: A-

Bathtub- We liked Winston and Jess collaborating to get a bathtub and pretending to rob the apartment. It was zany and childish, but it worked. Poor Schmidt. He almost had her. Since this is TV world, he can't sit down and explain things to her and say that it was a one-time, stupid thing and that doesn't mean that he can't get serious. This isn't real life. One mistake has to ruin things completely. The stripper stuff was too crazy for us. It spiraled out of believable humor's zone. It started out promising though, so we hope when the character keeps coming back, Angie is a little dialed down. Winston and Jess have great friend chemistry, and it needs to be utilized more often.
Episode grade: B

Santa- Sam! Sam! He's back. We are totally in love with him, especially when he doctors children. We know Nick is eventually endgame for Jess, but we hope she and Sam have a good, long run together. We loved Schmidt's grinch-y attitude the entire night after having been ditched by CeCe. We wish we could always do Irish goodbyes. We loved when Winston faked a breakup with Jess. Black santa was hilarious too. Again, Angie the stripper didn't bring laughs so much as some character development for Nick. But that's cool.
Episode grade: B+

The Mindy Project- Season 1, episodes 7-9

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Teen Patient- This episode was kind of crazy and unrealistic. It wasn't the norm for this, or any, show to have a doctor stalk a teen patient to her school and compare love lives or whatever the heck happened here. Still, there were some good jokes, so the trip was worth it. We loved Mindy having trouble relating to the teens, slime, and other jokes about how quickly normal people get out of touch with what's going on in private high schools. We also loved that Mindy didn't try to be cool, owning that she was an adult and launching into hilarious lectures.

Sofia reads Jonathan Franzen for fun, huh? How pretentious. However, we'd rather read Freedom than a novelization of Iron Man. Gross. We hope Sofia comes back though and that she wasn't just a random character for this episode only. She's Mindy's teen neighbor. There's more to be mined there. This episode would have gotten an A but for the lame side plot about Betsy feeling unsexy because she isn't sexually harassed. Dumb.
Episode grade: B

Two to One- In this one, Mindy took off from the office to celebrate "best friends day," leaving Danny and the British guy to run things and keep the midwives from poaching all their clients. This is the episode that really proved that the side characters on this show just aren't working. The only time we enjoy The Mindy Project is when Mindy is around. She steals the show, as she should, since it's her show. But she needs some competent supporting characters.

Everyone thinks Danny is a good character, and we agree, so he and Mindy need to move to a new medical office after this one tanks spectacularly in, say, the season finale. This episode was a dud since it featured the office a lot while Mindy wasn't even in it. It got boring, fast, but we loved the resolution where Mindy proved herself to be a necessary leader to the boys. The midwives were funny, as was Mindy's new best friend.
Episode grade: C-

Josh and Mindy's Christmas Party- Josh is a cheater!!! We knew it had to be too good to be true. Also, we can't have Mindy settling down in the first season of her show. She needs to date many more rejects. Plus, Josh is a lawyer. Male lawyers almost always cheat (sorry, lawyers). We can't believe that dull little gnat who plays Erin on The Office even got that role, let alone this one. We know Mindy is friends with her, and we guess that's enough of a reason to stain the episode with one of our least-favorite working actresses. Ugh. At least this means we'll never have to see her on The Mindy Project again. We can't see Mindy hanging out with Josh's ex-girlfriend. There were funny lines in this episode, and some good moments between Mindy and the only other character we can tolerate (Danny).
Episode grade: B+

We still need this show to get better, but with that Christmas episode, it's bought itself a season one pass. We'll keep watching in the spring.

Parenthood- Season 4, episodes 9-11

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We were annoyed when Pamela Adlon (pictured) showed up to be a poor, complaining neighbor to Crosby, because we're over the irrational b*tch stereotype. It's just this kind of portrayal that women don't need. Marlyse. Ugh. She's a funny actress and we liked her better on Louie, but we guess this is an interesting way to give the recording studio a storyline. Thank God it was over quickly and the good neighbors showed up to support local business. So sweet.

We didn't recognize Glen Hansard as the musician who got towed right away, but we've seen him before in Once. It was a cute cameo and shows that The Luncheonette is doing really well/attracting some big names. Crosby and Jasmine having another baby should be hilarious.

Julia and Joel's marriage troubles are boring us. We've seen the storyline where the workaholic is bored being a stay-at-home parent before, and we feel like this couple deserves better things to do than that. Oh yeah, there's also the plot where Julia isn't very good with the kids, especially Victor. We're so glad she bounced back. Of course it was going to be this hard. Joel and Julia are lucky it isn't harder. We think it's cute that they wanted Syd and Victor to believe in Santa.

Sidenote: Ern never believed in Santa. At the age of two, her mom read her a book about Saint Nicholas, a nice Christian who lived a long time ago, was very generous, and "would be sad to know that he takes attention away from Jesus on Christmas." Ern's mom was very adamant about never lying to her kids. So when every adult asked Baby Ern what Santa Claus was getting her, she would reply, "Oh, you're such an idiot. Santa Claus is dead." Yup, that's how kids are gonna take that.

In the last couple of weeks, we'e been thinking, "Amber and Ryan are going exactly where we thought they would. It starts with Ryan being surly and shutting her out, and will most likely end with a big, violent blow up that breaks them up, at least for a time and possibly forever." It was nice of Amber to try to get Ryan a job. Lots of people don't know this, but it's extremely common and accepted to find a job through someone you know.

People want to hire people that they can trust, and if they have it on good authority that a person is cool, they are more likely to take the chance. Of course, Joel didn't really need anybody and it was a favor, but it's still all well and good. It's not school anymore. In the academic world, it's all about equality and merit (or at least it should be). In the real world, it's networking and "who you know." So make friends, kiddies.

Amber gets more adorable in every episode, by the way. It was painful to watch Ryan suck at construction. It was almost cathartic to watch Amber and Ryan's fight after he came home drunk having damaged her car. We all knew it was coming, and a drunken screaming match was less excruciating than a different scene might have been. Amber made a wise and mature decision, learning from her mom's mistakes. We hope Ryan gets his act together though...and comes back just in time to be part of a triangle?!! Pretty please, show?

The show was really obvious with having Sarah choose Hank's job over the wedding with Mark. We've known for a while that Sarah would be torn between the two, and having this happen is just the step before a few more steps that get her into Hank's bed and in a world of confusion. We were hesitantly Team Hank before, but after Mark called Sarah "a lousy fiancé," we were positive about our choice. Marie from Breaking Bad played Hank's ex, so we knew she was going to be unpleasant and icy.

We were genuinely surprised when Mark showed up at the hotel. His anger level was understandable. His analysis of Sarah's issues was probably right on too. Huh. Maybe Mark has a point. Maybe we want him back. Hank might be too melancholy for Sarah. Still, we loved them hooking up in the Christmas episode, and they seem to like each other for the right reasons. Also, Max needs someone in the family who thinks he is the best Braverman. It was pretty funny when Camille kept her mouth shut about Mark being in the Christmas cards.

We're getting more and more able to tolerate Max. There's something about this season. Maybe it's because he agreed to go to the dance for his mom, which is a huge sacrifice for someone with Aspergers. The noise, the social challenges, the boredom, all the stimulation, the physical awkwardness...yeesh. Poor Max. Kristina bribing Max with candy was hilarious. So let's talk about the video. Obviously that was the biggest tearjerker of all time.

BUT what it means is that Kristina is going to live. The show already had its big emotional payoff that it would get from her dying, so now it would be pointless to kill her. Adam praying for her was adorable, you have to admit, even if you aren't the praying type yourself.

This season is moving at a glacial pace, and it's going to predictable places. This show makes us miss San Francisco and our friend who lives there. :-( But the Christmas episode made up for the slow first half. It was emotional and good. Also, it made us happy that we are not Bravermans this year. Man, what a rough holiday for everyone but Sarah.

You Can't Always Get What You Want: B
Trouble In Candyland: B
What to My Wondering Eyes: A

Re-watching LOST: Season five

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Lots of people think this is the best season of LOST. These people are mostly nerds, since this season was all about the time travel. We thought the first half was bogged down by the Oceanic Six trying to get back to the island. It took a while, and it even took a while to convince some of them to go. Desmond helped them, and looked great in a scarf while doing so. Ern's brother dressed up like Desmond and went to school the day after Jughead aired. Only a teacher got it. Ern's brother is awesome.

In this season, we find out how Locke died and that he was really and truly dead. We thought, at the end of season four when we saw his body in the coffin, that he couldn't be dead. There was just no way. But the show surprised us with the ultimate, depressing twists that not only was Locke dead, but he was a confused little man who was never called or special. He told Richard Alpert that he was special, so Alpert set everything up for him. No one called Locke but Locke.

Our favorite episode of this season was The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham. Locke's death scene might be our favorite scene of the entire season. It was so unexpected. Ben seemed to change his mind about wanting Locke to live in the span of two seconds. It was chilling and well-acted. The perfect end to the sad life of Locke. Since we all expected a resurrection though (not a possession), we never got a proper chance to say goodbye or mourn Locke. Lots of people hated him, but Ern always counted him among her top five favorite characters (along with Ben, Hurley, Juliet, and Desmond).

This season had nice fillers (like The Lie) sandwiched between knock-your-socks-off hours. Wait, was The Lie the episode where Hurley threw the hot pocket? Wait, then we take that back. That episode was the tits. Oh, hey, Jin was alive the whole time. While all our friends rejoiced, we rolled our eyes. Does anyone die and stay dead on this show? (Turns out, yes, but that's what we were thinking at the time). Who survives an exploding freighter in the middle of the ocean when they were on the freighter? Ideally, no one. At least Michael didn't come back.

This season introduced one of our favorite couples, Sawyer and Ms. Juliet Burke, who were way less dull than Kate and Sawyer. We were a little bored by main characters joining Dharma and Sayid shooting Ben. All of that spanned way too many episodes, and we felt like our time was wasted when we me the Dharma torturer and then never saw him again. Why make such a big deal out of him and then have almost nothing happen? Whatever Happened, Happened was the best Kate episode of the series.

We said goodbye to Daniel Faraday, and while it was sad that his mother killed him, were weren't that sad to lose him. One of our friends was pretty obsessed with him though, because she thought he was cute. We were like, "Um, do you not see nearly every other guy on this show? Daniel is not the island hottie. He's a hobbit to replace Charlie, that dead hobbit." To each her own root, we guess.

We loved seeing a young, pregnant Rousseau. She was so cute. We're weren't THAT sad when Charlotte died, but it was appropriately creepy when she whispered, "This place is death." Loved that. All the tediousness was followed by the emotional episode Dead Is Dead, where Ben was judged by the island for letting his daughter die. Really, it was the smoke monster making sure Ben was on his team.

The flashbacks of Ben acquiring and caring for Alex really worked for us. That was a father/child relationship worth spending more time on. The one that didn't work for anyone was Miles and his father. If that episode didn't feature a hilarious Hurley and an attempt to write The Empire Strikes Back, we would have given it an F. By then, everyone knew that the Miles character was going nowhere interesting.

The show was going over familiar ground and bringing up new pasts when it should have been wrapping up and moving forward. In short, Miles's daddy issues were unwelcome. No one cared. We already saw Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Claire, Hurley, Sun, Locke, Ben, Daniel, Alex, Penny, and to some extent Jin struggle with their fathers. The natural next step was for one of them to have issues with the Ultimate Father, some form of God...oh wait, Ben did kill Jacob at the end of this season, right? :-)

You know what else was crazy? Jack this season. Him wanting to blow up the island and change the past was insane. Didn't he learn anything from his time on the island? Weren't there good times? How was this going to help his relationship with Kate? He just lost it. We loved the last episode when Jacob visited key characters at important moments in their pasts. That episode was all about Jacob. We were sad when he died. We barely knew him. The heartbreaking cliffhanger ending with Juliet falling down that hole and Sawyer screaming was breathtaking. That was a good finale.

Because You Left: B+, The Lie: C, Jughead: A-, The Little Prince: C+, This Place Is Death: B+, 316: B, The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham: A+, LaFleur: A, Namaste: B+, He's Our You: B-, Whatever Happened Happened: A, Dead Is Dead: A, Some Like It Hoth: C-, The Variable: A, Follow the Leader: B, The Incident: A+