Big Brother 14

IT'S BACK! So this season's format is actually kind of interesting. Last year's "twist" with the returning houseguests was kind of interesting (mainly because we missed Jeff and Jordan), but was gone pretty quickly. This season's twist will (presumably) last the entire summer, so that's more than we can usually hope for. One thing we really enjoy about the coach aspect is that there are some houseguests returning (including Leeard's all-time favorite player, Britney - more on that later), but they aren't competing. It's a nice compromise - we get to see them back in the house, but they won't win. Anyway, on to the teams:

Team Janelle - We are definitely glad to have Janelle back. She's one of the best competitors to ever play the game and we're excited to see her in action again.

• Ashley: Not sure what it is about out-spoken blondes, but Leeard is liking Ashley so far.
• Joe: He was pretty much a non-entity in the first episode, but he's a chef, so we hope for the other HG's sakes that he stays around for a bit. Someone needs to make slop tasty.
• Wil: He really grates one of us the wrong way. It's probably the hair. He was a good competitor in the HoH competition, so we'll see.

Team Dan - We caught the end of his season, but we didn't really like him. It doesn't help that he went with Team Boobs when selecting and lost the HoH competition (shocker). Not to offend anyone, but he seriously should've picked at least one guy. There are going to be numerous physical competitions throughout the summer, and guys help in that regard.

• Kara: She's cute, but she hasn't really done or said anything so far, other than that she wants to meet her husband in the house. Good luck with that.
• Danielle: Okay, her accent is precious and she reminds Leeard of one of her cousins, so we're rooting for her (for now).
• Jodi: She actually seemed pretty nice, but unfortunately she was evicted (by her coach) on Day 1. Oh well.

Team Mike Boogie - We didn't watch either of his seasons when they aired, but one of us has since seen them both on youtube. He's a really enjoyable player to watch (and the fact that he's a fan of our alma mater doesn't hurt).

• Frank: He didn't want Britney to pick him. Therefore he is dead to us.
• Ian: He reminds us of Matt from BB12 (for obvious reasons), but we're glad for the nerdiness. And we're glad he hasn't chosen to hide his "genius" from the rest of the house, like Matt did.
• Jenn: She looks really familiar to us. If anyone can figure out why, we'd greatly appreciate it. She seems pretty cool so far.

Team Britney - Leeard loves Britney. Like, almost in a weird way. Throughout the year, she'll text her (one) friend who also watches the show saying "I miss Britney". Not even necessarily in the summer. Leeard just misses her throughout the year. Anyway, when they said Britney's name, Leeard screamed. Obviously this is the team we're rooting for right now.

• JoJo: She's really bugging us so far. Hopefully she'll be the first gone from Britney's team.
• Shane: Well, at least the girls in the house (and audience) will have something to look at while he's on.
• Willie: When we heard that Russel's brother was going to be on this season, we were not excited. But Willie seems pretty normal.

So far, we're rooting for Willie, Danielle and Ashley. Probably Willie the most, because we want Britney to win too.

Pretty Little Liars - That Girl Is Poison

In a welcome-but-curious development, Jenna reveals that she can see just in time for her birthday, so she can throw a party with a Wonderland theme at the Brew. That’s the coffee shop where Toby lives. Nice one, Jenna. This prompts Toby to spend the night of the party at Spencer’s, making out with her. Good choice, bro. Aria is all about going to the party and giving Jenna a second chance (with ulterior motives). Hanna is depressed and (temporarily) unfashionable, since she’s bummed about Caleb leaving her. Ashley Marin uses the opportunity to coerce Hanna into working at a rummage sale. Ashley finds a man there. Woo hoo! He seems nice and normal…for now. It is this show, after all.

Since Maya is dead, Emily goes for second-choice Paige, asking her to go with her to the Katy Perry movie. But Emily has to cancel and also has to work at Jenna’s party as a waitress in a clip-on tie. That would have been a perfect opportunity for a scene where Paige gets a real tie and puts it on Emily, but the show did not seek to please its lesbian fans with what would have been a sweet, simple moment. Instead, the writers bring back Crazy Paige who acts a fool and makes herself completely undesirable. After Emily gives Paige the flask from which she was drinking the night she ended up in the graveyard, Paige ends up drunk and belligerent.

But hey, we still like her better than Maya. The scene where she freaked out on Jenna, broke things, and stuck her fingers in all the cupcakes was the highlight of the night. Honorable mention for the scene where Aria tricked her old photography teacher by ruining her equipment. Now Aria has a new job, as well as evidence against this season’s second Red Herring, Lucas. Good job, Aria. There’s some Ezra stuff where he buys Aria a new camera, is poor, and has a new job, blahblahblah, die Ezra. Why are you still on this show? STILL? Spencer is still acting crazy, stalking Garrett’s hospitalized and comatose mother for information. She finds a message hidden in the mother’s wristband. Garrett has been using his visitation to pass notes to someone else. The note says that the proof is with “April Rose.” Dun dun dunnnn. This was a transitory, normal episode with some fun moments. Not the best though.

Episode grade: B

The Glee Project - Fearlessness

Last week, Mario went home and we were happy about that. We didn’t feel the need for a post on the episode (okay, we were lazy). All Mario did was make excuses and act pretentious. Don’t worry Mario, we won’t remember you as the blind guy they allowed on The Glee Project. We will remember you as the a-hole they let on The Glee Project. Fearlessness is a great theme. Of course Aylin thinks that she’s already fearless bc she’s a flirtatious Muslim. Ugh. That annoyed even Ern. If Aylin mentions her bad-assness again, Ern will hate her as much as Leeard does, even though bragging doesn’t usually bother Ern. If you say it 100 times though, it’s gonna get to anyone. “I don’t know if Asians are supposed to rap well, but I don’t” – Abraham. Oh Abe, we both hate and love that quote.

Poor, awesome Jane Lynch has to be on this farce this week. At least it’s better than actually being on stupid Glee. She is one of the only mentors we’d actually want some one-on-one time with. She seems wise, down-to-earth, sweet, and experienced in show business and hard work. Naturally, after they got rid of all the black people, it’s time to rap! Ali did a shameless Nicki Minaj rip off. They had good energy and the singing sounded good, so this was way less painful than we had anticipated. Some of the guys really sucked at rapping though. We love that Lily beat Aylin. We love that Lily actually IS a bad ass for not whining about having to wear a swimsuit. Nellie, get some therapy. You’re gorgeous and talented.

Does anyone else think Nikki Ander is kind of a power-drunk bitch? Her facial expressions when the kids aren’t singing well are classic though, and we like how she’s honest. Aylin’s reaction to feeling slushie for the first time was funny, but no one liked it. We feel her on the goofing off when things get hard/uncomfortable. In karate, one of us used to try to make jokes while fighting people. Not recommended. You will get punched in the face mid-cackle. OH YEAH, show, throw slushies at the girl who can’t flippin’ walk! She can swim?!! That’s a surprise worthy of the applause she got. There’s no way Ali is going home this week. Darn. Lily sounded the best in the video and seemed like she was having a ton of fun. No way she’s going home either. We couldn’t take our eyes off her.

As usual, the judges picked a bottom three to sing for Ryan Murphy. We’re not feeling Abraham. He’s been boring lately, but he’s safe. We wanted Nellie in the bottom three again so that we could hear another incredible last-chance performance, but we didn’t want her to go home. Charlie is a huge mess and consistently impossible to work with. We felt for him the first time, but this is like the fifth. His persona last week was gag-worthy. Aylin was in the bottom three, and we are both pretty over her, so that’s fine. We like her positivity though. They made the right choices with the bottom three, but we were annoyed at this point that Nellie might get cut for not being Glee enough. LIKE WHEN THEY TOOK DANI.

Poor Aylin had to sing "Take a Bow", a song that was owned by Lea Michele in season one of Glee. The comparisons were inevitable, and Aylin didn’t come across well in light of them, even though the performance was on-key, well-belted, and okay. Ryan is like DON’T LAUGH AT THE SLUSHIE. Slushies are a serious bullying matter on the show! We realized then that Ryan is keeping Aylin. Because she is new and a game changer, because she is a Muslim. She’s a new ornament on Ryan’s multicultural, Very Special Christian tree. Ugh. Charlie was next. Charlie WAS determined to go out fighting. He sounded great, but he went for his crazy antics again which is why he is in the bottom three. We really didn’t know he could sing before.

Ryan complained that Charlie stands out too much, which is never his complaint. You have to stand out, yet be the same as the rest of the group (are you listening, Nellie?) Nellie’s insecurities don’t show in her awesome singing. For a show about high school, nerds, and bullying, you would think an insecure vibe would be welcome, but Ryan is concerned that she’s “not the show.” Zach’s face while she was singing…he was totally tearing up. Ryan’s was like Simon Cowell’s listening to Susan Boyle. Come on, guys! Thank GOD Charlie was sent home. He deserved to go home for his past behavior and multiple chances, not his performance. We liked his voice. Of course, Aylin and Charlie had to end their relationship of convenience/boredom/horniness with a kiss. Bleck.

Episode grade: B

Ern’s picks for round 2 of Twop’s Tubey Awards

• Best new show- Girls (honorable mention to Homeland)
• Best returning show- Breaking Bad (for the finale alone)
• Best drama- Breaking Bad (but almost picked Game of Thrones)
• Best almost-romantic-but-not-quite relationship- Nick Miller and Jess Day, New Girl (I wanted to pick like ten of these couples)
• Best non-romantic friendship- Abed and Troy, Community (definitely NOT Walter and Jesse, TWOP, but this was a hard category to pick from too)
• Best Family Relationship- George and Tessa, Suburgatory
• Best Guest Star- Carrie Preston, The Good Wife
• Best Musical Moment on a Scripted Show- Teach Me How to Understand Christmas, Community (I thought of this before even reading the categories)
• Best Musical Moment on a Reality Show- Lindsay Pavao’s “Say Aah” on The Voice
• Worst Reality TV Moment- Tyra Banks sucks Tyson Beckford's thumb in her Modelland reenactment (America's Next Top Model). So many of these choices were deserving, but I still have nightmares about that one.
• Favorite actor- Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad. The boy needs more recognition for playing such an unintelligent character so convincingly and so that he’s the heart of the show. He’s like the angry, criminal Forrest Gump. There needs to be a spin-off where Jesse hunts child killers (HM: Matt LeBlanc, Episodes)
• Favorite actress-  Claire Danes, Homeland “My Kingdom for a green pen!”
• Worst Crime Against Fashion- Kurt's midriff baring, one shoulder poncho sweater thing (Glee)
• Most egregious product placement- Disneyland (Modern Family)
• Most Unwelcome New Character- Rory, Glee. Hate to say it. Love you though, Damian.
• Most Welcome New Character- Jessica Tang (Southland). I bet Leeard picks J’aquen Hagar. Level of knowledge that I probably didn’t spell that right = 10/10. Level of interest = 0.
• Most Appalling Reality Star- All of them, but I gave it to Paris Hilton (The World According to Paris), because she wasn’t even entertaining enough to get viewers.
• Most Appealing Reality Star- Out of the choices they gave us, Phillip Phillips (American Idol). They didn’t give us much variety though.
• Worst single episode of a comedy- "Extraordinary Merry Christmas" (Glee). I couldn’t believe that episode.
• Worst Single Episode of a Drama- "This Is The Way The World Ends" (Dexter)
• Supporting Actor/Actress deserving of a starring role- Jewel Staite (The L.A. Complex and Firefly)
• Best Reality Smackdown- Nikki calls Lindsay out on having a fake emotional moment (The Glee Project)
• Most wrongfully underused character- Jaime Lannister (Game of Thrones). But, as someone who has read the first three books, I understand why.
• Most cringeworthy moment- Jim Bob Duggar tries to evangelize to an atheist Scottish street performer (19 Kids and Counting). I saw this on youtube. Sooooo awkward.
• Best on-screen death scene- Gus Fring (Breaking Bad) No freaking contest.
• Most Ludicrous Plotline- Kristina drove three hours to stop her niece of legal age from having consensual sex with an unwed city council candidate (Parenthood). I picked this, because I was the angriest about it. But everything on that list was also valid, especially Sue’s pregnancy.
• Worst Payoff- Mona is A, or is she? (Pretty Little Liars) Sorry, I hated it. The whole reveal, Mona’s acting, the fact that people associated with the show TOLD US it wasn’t going to be Mona, and how predictable it was.

Also, I'm one season through Supernatural. So far, it's cheesy, but everyone assures me it gets better. I liked the finale. I know lots of y'all have been wanting one of us to get into this show for a long time. Dean > Sam.

Bunheads - Better Luck Next Year

We both thought Bunheads was weird this week, in that it felt really disjointed and choppy. There were good individual scenes, particularly the dream sequence where we got to see Sutton Foster do her musical theater thing, but things didn’t flow. The show made the obvious Game of Thrones reference, since the visiting ballet studio was called “Joffrey.” We usually appreciate Game of Thrones being relevant to EVERYTHING, but Bunheads totally spoiled season one! Way to go. Michelle has some balls, trying to seduce all those handymen, but we like that Fanny was the one who got the job done. We liked the floor guy. He seemed sweet. Fanny should get some of that action. We are starting to enjoy Truly on this show. It was funny how she’s such a spineless jellyfish (always going with the majority) and is an expert on what other people need. The joke we liked the best was when Michelle muttered about David Copperfield being a top-notch magician.

It was so sad and stupid of Boo’s mom to leave that cake in the fridge. Sasha showed her nice side again though, which we appreciate. A huge weakness of the episode was that the other two dancers weren’t in it at all. We want to see more of the dancing girls, show. We also need to see some sort of structure emerge. There was so much meandering with all Michelle's stuff, curtain rods, faxes, and weird little arguments. Can Michelle teach at the studio already?!! The high points of this episode mostly involved Boo or Michelle/Fanny talking about Boo. Probably our favorite part was when Fanny kept sending Boo back in wigs so that the audition people would see Boo and her dancing, and not her larger bottom half. It was a sweet moment. Overall, this episode was less boring than last week’s and less forced than the week before, but still not what we want to see from this show.

Episode grade: B

True Blood - Let’s Boot and Rally

Oh, that first scene, God love it. Nobody was expecting Sookie’s first sexual encounter with Alcide to involve vomit. It was his own fault for saying something as weak as, “I’ve waited so long for this.” We were like, “Um, yeah, us too, and you two are ruining it by being drunk.” Of course Eric would interrupt it with a one-liner and some trespassing. We liked this scene due to the pure unpredictability and hilarity. Like we said last week, we already had super romantic and gushy with both Bill and Eric (and Eric and Eric and Eric. They boned for like a zillion episodes). Alcide is just a fun bang for Sook. Sookie’s reaction to her situation (“Must be Thursday! Onwards into the jaws of death! Boot and rally”) was funny. We are starting to like Sookie this season. She’s losing it, and it’s about time she had the good lines.

Lafayette decides to call on God, and he does so while looking at a bunch of idols/porcelain figures and waiving sage around. Yeah, the Old Testament Christian God is all about statues. Hilariously, Lafayette says, “I’m good enough. Better than most. So cut me a break.” Um, a former prostitute and druggie is “better than most”? Doubtful. Even if he had a squeaky clean past, it’s doubtful. Lafayette means well and loves his family/friends, but doesn’t everyone? That’s the thing: Everyone thinks they are better than lots of other people. Everyone. But nobody is really better. Until you had the upbringing, past, and psychological material of the exact person you think you’re better than, you don’t know if you would actually make better choices. Why would True Blood show us Jesus’ head like that? It’s bad enough that we miss him. He was the only boyfriend of Lafayette’s we’ve ever liked. Not that he’s had many, but still.

Anyway, we got to see Jason’s parents in a creepy dream. They didn’t look like we’d imagined. They were less attractive. Arlene isn’t so awful this season. We still prefer the actress on The Good Wife. It’s been forever since we’ve seen Tara look attractive. We don’t like the way Rutina Wesley was playing New Vampire Tara in this episode, but we do like Pam getting to slam Tara down every time she has attitude. This is the best thing that could ever have happened to Tara. DOES EVERYONE ON THIS SHOW HAVE TO WHISPER when conversing seriously? No one whispers in real life. We’ve mentioned this before, because it’s one of our pet peeves, and this show is one of the biggest culprits. The Vampire Diaries is the only show that’s allowed to do that.

Holy Ifrit, Terry, no wonder you are traumatized and crazy from war. Obviously, he did the wrong thing, but that’s a tough situation with lots of pressure. There are so many storylines and characters on this show, and we only really care about a few. Right now, we are interested in seeing Sookie and Jessica, but that’s it. Sure, things change from time-to-time, but watching Jason and Andy frolic around being cops and talking about fairies is trying our patience. A storyline for Sam is really happening now, and while we hate him less than lots of people on this show, we’re not anxious for his conflicts with the pact/shifters to start taking up more time. The more time taken up for collateral matters, the less time we get to watch A-plot. This show is all B-plot. Glad to see Luna go though.

Jessica being sweet to Tara was adorable. We’re so glad Tara responded like a nice person. That made us like her for the duration of that scene. If Jessica can convince Tara to love life as a vampire, instead of just sulking, Jessica will be even more awesome than she already is. Then Hoyt shows up, looking ridiculous. We were really bummed when he and Jessica broke up, because they were so cute in their mindless puppy love. Even better than seeing Jessica and Tara almost turn into friends was seeing Jessica rip Tara off of Hoyt. Don’t toy with us, True Blood. We want that pairing back.

Episode grade: B-

Weeds - A Beam of Sunshine

Ouch, those health care bills looked painful. Nancy’s gonna have to deal a lot of weed. This show is obviously pumping how messed-up health care is in the U.S. We are sick of her being a crazy invalid. The doctors need to fix her quick. Nancy’s having a crisis of conscience?!! What?!! Like that’s gonna last…right? We don’t know. She seems sincere about this second chance stuff. Since we’ve lost all sympathy for her (and everyone else on this show) as a person, we don’t care. You have to admire Nancy for being able to confront the clown guy who threatened her, even when she can hardly walk and talking puts her out of breath.

Does Silas have more Mommy issues this season, or is he just having fun having someone else be his bitch for a change? The best character, Andy, is sidelined with that stupid sister we hate. Good on you, Shane, for finding Peter. Good on you. In other news, Doug is still on this show. And he’s still being lecherous. At this point, we are only watching Weeds because it’s only half an hour and we want to see how it all ends. We don’t want to read about it. After all these years, we want to actually see it. Maybe. Unless every episode of season eight is this dull.

Episode grade: C-

Hunger Games fans: Hunter Parrish as Finnick O'Dair? Yea or Nay?