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Saturday, October 30, 2010

Weekly Recaps update

So, the weekly recaps were all funky this week, because we changed the shows that get the weeklies. For instance, we dropped Modern Family from it, because there's nothing else to say except, "This show is hilarious." We will post about it every once in a while, or when there is controversy. It wasn't dropped because it was bad at all, because it's awesome. Same goes for Cougar Town. The Vampire Diaries recap is coming.

For now, this is it, and it's always subject to change.
Dexter, Boardwalk Empire, Gossip Girl, The Event, How I Met Your Mother, The Good Wife, Life Unexpected, Glee, America's Next Top Model, The Vampire Diaries, Grey's Anatomy, Bones, The Office, Friday Night Lights

And when they return: Parks and Recreation, Breaking Bad, Southland, Pretty Little Liars, True Blood, The United States of Tara, and V.

We skipped writing The Office recap this week. One of us thought the Halloween episode was pretty lame anyway. Even the Dwight costume disappointed. The decrease in quality of that show really depresses us.


Speaking of Halloween episodes, we are very torn about last week's Community. One of thought it was hilarious, and the other didn't. What are your thoughts?

We re-added Life Unexpected because, while it slumped a bit in the beginning, one of us doesn't want it cancelled. It's struggling, so she want to help it a little. It's good enough that it should be on TV.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Grey's Anatomy - These Arms of Mine review/recap

So far, Grey’s Anatomy has been pretty good this season. There has been nothing crazy, none of the couples are completely wrong (like Gizzie and Callie/George), and the humor seems to be creeping back. This episode changed the Grey’s Anatomy format to make it a little more like MTV’s True Life, and we mean that as a compliment. The episode was a finished documentary about the hospital and the doctors who survived last season’s shooting. Cristina still struggled with her new identity as a hero who can’t step into the O.R. Cristina admitted that being a hero has its price. We can tolerate this storyline, because Shonda Rhimes promised that when Cristina comes back, she will come roaring back. We await this triumphant return. We also saw the side-effects Jackson is experiencing after the shooting. He was in the operating room with Cristina and he also had some friends die, so he freaked out a little in this episode too. Teddy cursed, and it was funny. We like that she can be aggressive when it’s necessary.

In case #1: Derek, Owen, Mark (the Titans) and Callie did a double arm transplant. Callie is the one who saved the whole operation. It was nice to see Amanda Foreman (Felicity) back on TV as the wife of the donee. She and her TV husband had a funny, caring, easy-going dynamic that we enjoyed. It’s nice to see a couple of Grey’s patients who are actually nice and accommodating. We loved their reaction to finding out that there was a tattoo on one of the arms.

In case #2: Mary, played by Mandy Moore, came back to the hospital for a routine surgery done by Bailey. Mary and her husband had just finished travelling, because life is too short to have savings over a good time, right? After surgery, Mary planned to have children. Bailey and Mary embrace and resume their believably close doctor-patient relationship, and the surgery goes fine. However, Mary never woke up and had to be removed from life support from her crushed husband. This was surprising, ironic, and very sad. Good ending. It made the end of the Mary storyline memorably.

In case #3: The most adorable Alex case ever, of all time. Better, even, than him shirtlessly holding babies. Alex worked with Arizona on a pediatrics case involving a little girl named Lily who needed a new trachea. He told the documentary cameras that he would be happy to work in peds, but only because it’s the elite, not because he likes kids. As he describes his apathy for the kids, we see him singing to his young patient over the intercom while she is in an MRI machine where she can’t have her headphones. He went to her show-and-tell, gave her advice, slept on a cot in her room, and carefully watched the growing replacement trachea until it was ready. Sure, Alex, You don’t love kids. Sure. We complained before that Alex seems to be regressing and that he needs to grow up. This case and his interest in pediatrics is a pretty big step.

Arizona won a grant and an opportunity to work on kids in Africa. Arizona planned to go, which upset Callie, but Arizona had decided that it was an opportunity she couldn’t pass up. In the end, Callie decided to go with Arizona. Relax, they will be back. This is just a way to give actress Jessica Capshaw her maternity leave.

This is the first episode of Grey’s in a while that made this blogger tear up. Sweet, sad, interesting, and eventful. Our only beef was a lack of substantial Meredith time, although we did enjoy her supporting Cristina and trying to stick up for her. But we think our former main character needs a big story arc, stat. Just because she's grown up and married now doesn't mean her struggles and stories should be over. Also, Lexie acted like an idiot running through security. She didn’t foresee that it would inconvenience her fellow doctors? Sometimes smart people have no common sense.

Episode Grade: A-

A Small Comment on Project Runway

Ok, we didn't follow this season at all and we only watched the final two episodes. But, based on what we saw of the clothes, we don't think the right person won. If anyone wants to vent or disagree with us who loves the show (and we think we know who that "anyone" is), go ahead. We're going to cover it next season, probably, but we hope Heidi and the crew get better taste before then.

America's Next Top Model - Zac Posen review/recap

Another thing we don’t like about Ann: her voice. It’s about a million decibels lower than it needs to be. We get the feeling that this is from lack of confidence, which is less than attractive.

For this week’s challenge, the girls had to do a runway walk, with professional models, wearing Zac Posen designs. The real models were instructed to be as mean and cutting toward the top model contestants as possible. We knew Ann would crack on the walk. Any minor comment can completely stop her from liking herself. Chris was funny in reaction to the mean models. She just handled it and kept her shell-shocked, “for real?!!” faces for the one-on-one interviews later. The funniest thing about the challenge was Esther’s walk. It looked like she was drunk. We kept wanted to yell, “Close your mouth, Esther,” through the screen. For the whole episode, her mouth just hung open like she thinks that’s sexy. We also decided that Esther kind of looks like a busted version of Megan Fox, especially while filming the commercial (to be discussed later). Kayla had a lot of elegance, but Chelsey wanted it the most. Determined to impress Zac Posen, Chelsey focused and won the challenge. During the judging, Zac Posen made a comment implying that he could rely on Chelsey, so good for her.

We felt a little cheated that there was no photo shoot. Instead, it was a commercial for some beverage that paid to be on America’s Next Top Model, and the girls had to roller skate while speaking and end it with kissing a male model. Kayla had a huge problem with that last bit and started crying before the commercial filming. At first, we rolled our eyes. So what if she’s gay, just do it. Then Kayla revealed to Jay that she is afraid to touch guys because she was sexually assaulted by a guy at the age of 11. Ok, when you hear that a little girl was abused, it takes all the fun out of watching this show. It was sad and awkward. We watch ANTM to laugh at potential models. The thing is, how can Kayla be a professional model if she is afraid to touch guys? Photo spreads, advertisements, and commercials all require it. And then if you want to break into acting, as a lot of models do, most girls in movies exist to be a guy’s romantic interest. In reality, Kayla would have to go to therapy and figure out how to push past this in order to work as a model. But for now, we just wanted Jay to tell her that she didn’t have to do it. We didn’t want to see it, and we didn’t want to see her cry anymore. It was just too sad. Also, Kayla had never told anyone about the abuse. Ladies, you have to share this with someone or you will never heal, which is exactly what Jay said to Kayla. It was a good message for girls watching the show, so we will forgive it for exploiting Kayla by putting her admission on national television.

It was painful for us to watch Kayla do the challenge, but she pulled it off well enough. It has been said by one of our favorite blog readers that Liz has “a stank personality.” We actually think she is nice. She is just unprofessional. It’s an immaturity. She likes to complain, play the victim, laugh, get drunk alone, and be inappropriate. Nigel, who directed the shoot, is completely over Liz, which doesn’t bode well for her, because he is a judge. Chris rocked the commercial, even though some of her moves were a little cheesy. Ann cracked again, acted pathetic, talked in her low voice, and fell on the skates about three times. We laughed. This is why Kayla is our pick for the win. She takes good pictures, she’s classy, she’s elegant, she’s cute, she likes herself more than Ann does, and she is able to pull off a win under pressure. We don’t think Ann could exist in this business and not break down. We like Chelsey too, and Jane is growing on us, even though her speaking voice is shrill and annoying.

During the judging, Liz cried and started talking about her daughter. She really shouldn’t talk when she cries; it makes her voice sound like Ann’s. Thankfully, the judges didn’t make Kayla re-tell her story to defend herself for looking uncomfortable with the guy in her commercial. This time, plenty of the girls did a bad job and could have gone home. Esther was flat and lacking in personality, so she ended up in the bottom two with Ann. We rolled our eyes at the screen, because we knew Ann was staying. She is more entertaining and she takes great pictures. This episode needs a shocking elimination soon. Sure, we agree that all the people the show dropped deserved to go home, but we don’t like to be able to predict it this well. Tyra told Ann that she needed to embrace her awkwardness. This is great advice. You will never change your personality, so take what is good or endearing and work it. One of us wishes she had known this when she was younger.

This episode should get an A just for the many uses of the word “dreckitude,” but we’re going to give it a B for entertainment value.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Glee- The Rocky Horror Glee Show recap/review

Ern is surprised by how much she hated this episode, and Leeard didn't love it. Leeard loves pretty much all Glee episodes, and would give them all an A. This one would get more of a B from Leeard. There has been one good episode this season, and it was “Duets,” the episode before this one. Why? Because it was the one episode that wasn’t a tribute to something outside of Glee (Rocky Horror, Britney) or a boring, preachy mess (the religion one). The premiere was ok too. Why can’t Glee get off the gimmicks and just make a regular episode? The special episodes should be once, maybe twice, a year, not every friggin week.

Sure, the blogger who recaps Glee has never seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show, so she might have missed out on a true appreciation of the episode. But if your enjoyment of an episode relies completely on your knowledge of another, better work of “art,” then how good is it?

The episode started with Emma telling Will that Uncle Jesse (Dentist Carl, hereafter known only by his real name, Uncle Jesse) took her to The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Will also found out that Emma’s mental illness is going away with Uncle Jesse. The horror. Will decided to do The Rocky Horror Picture Show with the Glee club to impress Emma, because he was obviously losing his in with her. He and Emma do a “hot” number (Touch a Touch a Touch a Touch Me). We wondered who was going to be the kid who sang that song with Will in the stage version….ewwwww (probably Rachel, in case any of you were wondering, since she's Janet). He would have done it in those gold shorts too. Will finally admitted that Emma is better with Uncle Jesse for the time being. Uncle Jesse can still sing, by the way.

Finn dealt with his body issues and we found out that Sam has some as well. We enjoyed both with their shirts off though, so what was all the fuss about? Actually, we enjoyed Will with his off as well.

Sue wanted to use the musical as a way to get a local Emmy calling out Will on TV for being inappropriate. Sue was completely right, as usual, and Will finally realized that it wasn’t a good thing to show kids in school and that he was doing it for the wrong reasons. This was a totally hypocritical, weird lesson in light of the Glee photo shoot in GQ. You shouldn’t expose kids to smut? You have a responsibility to society to watch the media? Whatever, we don’t care anymore. The kids performed the show for no audience. It was for themselves, since they are outcasts, just like RHPS started out.

Maybe we would have enjoyed this more if we weren’t so sick of the gimmicky episodes. It was just ok. Average. Meh. A few good moments, fun costumes, and decent renditions of songs. The Time Warp was the best.

Episode grade: C

It's up on hulu, if you want to see the hot mess Glee has become.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Gossip Girl- Easy J recap/review

Serena started having sex with the guy stealing her taxis, who turned out to be her professor. Is anyone else sick of seeing this plot in this fall’s shows? She and the professor agreed to take a relationship hiatus until Serena was done taking his class. Nate saw Juliet at the jail, and she lied to him about why she was there. Her brother, Ben, wanted her to break up with Nate, so he beat up Nate’s dad, who is also an inmate. Nate and Juliet broke up at the end, even though she was falling for him. Yawn. Then, TWIST, Serena’s professor turned out to be another of Juliet and Ben’s accomplices to take down Serena. Nice.

Little J came back to the city to meet with Tim Gunn to get a recommendation for fashion school. She asked Blair for a “day pass,” and Blair agreed, if Jenny would not return for Christmas or talk to anyone while in NYC. But Chuck dropped by and stole Jenny’s sketchbook with all her fashions in it. He told her over the phone to come pick it up at the Empire, and Blair’s minions told Blair that Jenny had broken the terms of the day pass.

When Jenny met with Tim, she was foiled by Blair, who had Jenny’s dresses spraypainted with the letters W-H-O-R-E. That spells “whore,” for those of you who missed it. And Jenny IS a whore, but that was completely unfair of Blair to go after Jenny’s career like that. Chuck then invited Jenny to a party that Tim Gunn was attending later so that Jenny could explain things to Gunn.

At the party, Serena showed up wearing something that looked like what Darth Vader would wear if he were a slutty woman. It was all black and boxy, with a big hole in the chest to show her boobs. What happened to Serena’s taste in clothes this season? It was great first and second season! When Jenny spoke with Tim, she made up with him, but Tim told her that Chuck set up everything to hurt Blair. Chuck consoled a nervous Blair, saying that Jenny would never tell everyone that she slept with Chuck.

But Jenny texted Gossip Girl and told everyone, upsetting both Blair and Chuck. Dan went to Jenny and said he was disappointed in her. On her way back out of town, Jenny told Blair that she was not going to fight anymore, because “that would make me you. And I’m better than you.” Dude, you’re not better than Blair. Don't feel bad though, not many people are. She then told Chuck and Blair that they used to be in love, and they were invincible, but now they were going to just destroy each other, and then Jenny would come back and rule the city. Dan was proud of what Jenny said. Aww. The little sister is growing up to be just as judgmental and self-righteous as her big bro.

Chuck went to Blair’s to call a truce and sparks flew, but they ended it still apart, even though they are both still clearly in love. URGH. They chalked the end of their relationship up to fate, saying that it was no one’s fault. Maybe Dorota’s for getting pregnant. FALSE. It was Chuck’s fault for pimping out Blair in the first place and then sleeping with Jenny. Way to take responsibility, dude. Good use of Eminem as they walked away from each other, crying, though.

Some thoughts: We wonder how many people got this episode’s Audrey Hepburn reference or have even seen that movie. Why does Jenny have white, long hair that makes her look like a 90-year-old woman? We like that humble, reasonable Jenny is back though. Blair looked gorgeous at the party. We liked Lily using reverse psychology at the party to get dumb Serena to stay in her professor’s class. We also liked seeing Nate visit his dad. It made us like Nate more. He really IS a nice guy, and he’s not as dull as, say, Dan.

This episode had the twists, the heart, and the return of Little J was way more tolerable than expected.

Episode grade: A-

Plots We Hate

TV Plots we want to omit

Beef: Sometimes, you are watching a TV show, and it’s going well, when all of the sudden if completely jumps the shark with one stupid, outlandish, or just plain boring plotline. It has happened to the best shows. Here are a few plotlines that make us want smack the writers.

Friday Night Lights, the season two murder - Friday Night Light’s is a certain kind of show. It involves small town and family politics, high school issues, marriage, and sports. It should not involve murder. That was stupid.

Grey’s Anatomy, George cheats on his hot wife with Izzie, “Gizzie” officially happens, and then they just fizzle - Did ANYONE like this plotline? This was worse than Dead Denny (and we hated that too), because that at least had a good explanation later on, unlike this. It just made no sense. It ruined both characters involved, and it was one of the things that made the George actor want to leave the show. He signed onto Grey’s hoping to play the nice guy, but the writers did things with the character that came out of left-field, namely, this. The actor didn’t understand or believe in the character anymore after this, and neither did we. (Note: We will actually defend the ferryboat accident episodes where Meredith died, if anyone asks us to. Sure, they had a dumb, supernatural element to them on a non-supernatural show, but we enjoyed many parts of those episodes.)

24, Kim goes on some random adventures in season two and wastes everyone’s lives - Even though one of us loves this show, it’s hard to pick just one stupid moment from it. There have been countless lists and articles written about its unrealistic plots and pointless deaths. But we have to go with the season 2 Kim Bauer tangents. Kim Bauer is an idiot. No one liked Kim Bauer. So naturally, the writers spent a third of season two on her getting into trouble. Her kidnapping a kid, fighting off an abusive employee, getting a guy shot, getting caught in a trap for a wild animal, getting taken underground by a paranoid creeper, and escaping police custody all coincidently happen on Jack’s Bauer’s busiest day. First of all, yeah right. Second of all, stop wasting our time, show.

Flashforward, Everything after the pilot - In light of this week’s poll, we just have to mention what a dull, pointless waste of time this show was. Way to waste a good premise.

Alias, Vaughn gets shot like a million times by a machine gun, leaves the show, but then is suddenly alive again - One of us loved when Vaughn died, because she was never a fan of him. The other loved Vaughn, but was annoyed at how he was treated in the final season. First of all, it was completely unbelievable that he survived. The end of Alias was a tacked-on, nonsensical fail too. We waded through four years of mythology (and lame Dixon) for THAT? Sydney’s mom was the Big Bad? But we kind of liked her. UGHH. Ok, we have to mention two other things we hated in that show. 1) Sydney’s half-sister. Useless. 2) The genetic goo that changed people into other people. We couldn’t even try to believe that was possible. Jack Bristow was the best thing about that show. Sydney was ok too.

Arrested Development, the whole weird British/Rita thing - We cringed at Charlize Theron’s mentally retarded character, Rita, through most of her stint on this show. For the most part, we enjoyed AD’s frenetic, silly third season. Because the show knew it was getting cancelled, it could be as crazy as it wanted. But we didn’t laugh during the Rita thing until the last episode where Michael almost married her. That was pretty funny, but it didn’t make up for the fact that the show made us think it had become something other than the show we loved by spending so much time on the weird British Rita stuff.

Bones, Zach is Gormagon’s assistant - We miss Zach. That made no sense. We will always miss Zach. The only things on Bones that we hated more than this plotline are Hannah and that one (nearly unwatchable) dream-sequence finale.

True Blood, nearly the entire third season- What WAS that? Ugh. Get it together next season, please.

The Vampire Diaries - Nothing. The show is flawless.

Sex and the City, Carrie dates Berger - Did anyone like that guy? The only redeeming thing about that was the post-it breakup episode. Second place: Samantha’s foray into lesbianism. It was offensive to lesbians to watch Samantha try this, Samantha is straight, her girlfriend was creepy, and it just wasn’t funny.

Dexter, Lila and what happened to Doakes - Doakes was a pain, but we respected him. What happened to him was completely unfair and just plain sad. Also, Lila was too crazy for us, and we can’t believe Dexter spent so much time with her.

LOST, Jack, Kate, and Sawyer spend way too much time captured by The Others - Way to slow this show down. We get that they had to, because the writers didn’t know how long they had to stretch out the show, and they needed an end date. Also, it helped the show save money, since they were over budget. But the slow start to season three lost the show a lot of viewers.

Friends, any major love plotline with Joey, especially the Rachel hookup - Joey was never going to have a serious relationship. All the girls he dates were so temporary and none fit. It was cute when he was helping Rachel with baby Emma, but it was oddly weird when he started liking Rachel. We think it’s because Joey was such an emotional and mental infant. He is sweet, but he should never have a relationship. It’s just awkward to make us watch him try.

Glee, Will’s love life - What a disaster. Why isn’t he with Emma now? We feel like the show changes the reason every time it’s brought up. This is an example of a show annoying us by purposefully dragging something out. His wife faked a pregnancy too, and no one liked that. Dishonorable mention: Jesse St. James dumping Rachel so abruptly and hatefully. He had no reason to hate her that much. It was out of nowhere, and we never got closure on that surprisingly engaging relationship.

Gilmore Girls, Luke’s daughter - This girl broke up Luke and Lorelai and was the source of the most useless Gilmore Girls plots. Lorelai got with Christopher (WRONG) and Luke bummed around in a custody battle, and the whole thing just wasted our lives in the last two seasons. If April had never shown up, the show would have been much stronger for it.

Joan of Arcadia, Adam cheats on Joan with Bonnie - Adam spent the entire first season pining after Joan, and when they finally get together, he cheats on her? Because Joan wouldn't have sex with him? Stupid and (though probably realistic) not what we had come to expect from the otherwise amazing Adam Rove.

Any plots you hate? Tell it to the comments.

How I Met Your Mother- Baby Talk recap/review

Sometimes in life, you have a problem and a piece of media comes along and meets you right where you are. Most of the time, it is a book. For instance, years ago, one of us was disenchanted and bored with religion, then along came “Velvet Elvis” by Rob Bell. One of us was wallowing in self-loathing, feeling like a failure, and then came along the author Tim Keller. You get what we mean. It’s rarely a TV show, but this week, shockingly, How I Met Your Mother was that piece of media.

One of us (Ern or Leeard), let’s call her “EL” has been dealing with the same issue that Robin was. No, we don’t have an annoying co-anchor. But EL was depressed because it seemed like guys only fall for the innocent, needy girls who are little more than babies. This is offensive, because it makes girls think that we have to pretend to be dumb (which is a BAD thing that is beneath us) if we don’t want to be alone. We actually understand why guys like the innocent little girls, and some of it is valid, but where does that leave the girls who just aren't like that?

Story: EL has a friend who is completely na├»ve, unthreatening, and innocent to the point where she should have someone with her at all times to help her navigate the world. This girl has guys falling all over her. While EL is not one to get jealous of her friends, it was still a little depressing to see guys love the little girl act. EL wonders: Will she die alone because she can change her own tire and comes across as direct, not innocent? Very recently, one guy admitted to EL that he liked EL’s friend at a carnival. While EL glared at him for liking a girl way younger than he is, a ride swung around and a carnival-goer sprayed this guy with vomit. There IS a God, and he loves EL.

This episode was about why it is ok for guys to like girls who act like children, but a girl is never attracted to a guy who talks like a little boy. Barney saw this as a challenge (we love how he sees everything sex-related as a challenge) and spent the next few days trying to pick up a girl whilst talking like a little baby boy. He finally found a freak of a woman who was into it. She said, “Who’s your mommy.” Barney cringed at that before, lightbulb!, he realized he could complete the challenge by sleeping with her.

Ted dated Robin’s new co-anchor, Becky, who is such a little girl that she gets stuck in revolving doors and talks like she is eight. Finally, this wore on Ted, but not before he defended the relationship to Robin. He said, “It’s nice to feel needed.” Because Robin never made Ted feel needed and took care of her own business, he felt like less of a man and, possibly, unnecessary in his relationship. This is totally understandable.

Robin was depressed, as EL was, so she went to another ex, Barney, to ask if she made him feel the same way. She did, but Barney thought this was awesome. This was a both a sweet and funny moment. We loved Robin saying “I got this,” both in Ted’s flashbacks and in Barney’s apartment, as she took care of business. This shows that some guys actually do like smart women. (Right???) Maybe one day, EL will find her own Barney. Wait….ew….did we just write that?

Marshall came to the realization that all the women he lusted after in his life were somebody’s daughter. He, hilariously, decides that he wants boys to avoid watching his little girl grow up to be ogled or slutty enough to date Barney. He used old home remedies to ensure the spawning of a male child but then found out that Lily was doing the same thing to get a girl. In the end, they agree to let fate take its course. They still don’t have a proper baby name though.

Beyond the subject of the episode, there were lots of laughs and quotables. Even the tired "trying to make a baby" plot was funny and brought something new. All the storylines worked, and Barney won his challenge (as he always should).

Episode grade: A-

Cancelled shows, Strong shows

The Whole Truth is cancelled. Leeard is sad (but unsurprised); Ern is happy.

Sadly, the sexist, shrill, backwards, (mostly) unfunny, and unoriginal comedy Better with You was picked up for a full season. We are happy to see that No Ordinary Family will have a full season too, though.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Boardwalk Empire- Family Limitation review/recap

When we settled down to watch this episode, we thought, “This show needs to be about the mob, stat.” We are done with the widow. We are done with ho’s getting cut up. We are tired of Jimmy and Al Capone doing NOTHING in Chicago. Fortunately, this episode delivered some mob action, complete with a few whackings. Now that’s the stuff.

As the episode opened, Nucky’s bagman was killed by someone from the D’Alessio mob. Nucky later suspected Lucky Luciano. Jimmy and Al sat down with Sheridan to negotiate territory, but on the way out, they shot all of Sheridan’s men. We guess that they are going to get all the territory now. Good. About time they did something. Also, it impressed another gangster, Johnny Torrio, that we guess they want to get in with. That’s what Sheridan and his men get for cutting up Jimmy’s ho. Jimmy and Al Capone aren’t exactly getting along swimmingly. Jimmy let Al know that he doesn’t believe Al’s World War I stories, and Al Capone’s family problems are affecting his partnership with Jimmy.

Yes, there was some romance drama, but it moved quickly. We saw Nucky and Lucy in bed after sex. Nucky seemed completely not into her, and she was being her usual stupid, chattering self. Then she clawed him and explained, “I’m being a little tiger cub.” Nucky was turned off. Dear Lucy, rough stuff is sometimes acceptable DURING sex, not after when you are acting like a three-year-old. As for Nucky’s second woman, the widow Margaret, Nucky offered her a new place to live, financial security, and his thin, lizardy body whenever he so chooses. Uhhh, good for her? She accepted and moved out of her crummy neighborhood.

After telling Nose-Job Lucy off at the dress shop ("Maybe your cunny isn't quite the draw you think it is."), she quit her job, and we said, “BURN.” Nice one, Margaret. We wanted to see a Lucy freak-out when Lucy found out that Nucky is having sex with Margaret. But it seems like she already knows and is taking it better than we had hoped. She’s just being clingy. Sadly for Margaret, she learned that she lives in a building of other “concubines.” We know that Margaret was a formerly moral woman with a lot of pride, and we don’t think she is going to handle being Nucky’s bought-and-paid-for call girl for long. We are happy about that. Throughout this episode, we were sad that Margaret is the show’s example of a “smart girl” and a classy woman. Why is the TV definition of a strong woman someone who sleeps around? Why is that sexual liberation? Everyone knows, in real life, that most women who sleep around are totally insecure/have daddy issues. But whatever. At least she’s better than Lucy (who we secretly like, because she is great comic relief).

Agent Van Alden found out that Margaret is living as Nucky’s concubine now. Through immigration records, he also found out that she left Ireland at 16, and she was pregnant and miscarried at the time. We didn’t pick up on this earlier, but now it’s pretty clear that Agent Van Alden has a really creepy crush on Margaret which could make things interesting. He looked at her picture and whipped himself with a knotted belt, and the camera gave us a view of his back covered in old scars. Uhhhh, we’re girls, so we aren’t experts at how guys pleasure themselves, but we are pretty sure Agent Van Alden is doing it wrong. What a serious creeper.

Also, Gillian (Jimmy’s mom) and Lucky Luciano (not to be mistaken with Nucky, haha) were having sex too. Lucky thought it was Jimmy’s wife, but Rothstein corrected that assumption. Out of all the women, we are most impressed with Gillian, whose confidence, brains, and good nature seem to light up every scene she is in. Lucky looked like he was digging a hole with a sledgehammer. That seriously had to be one of the funniest-looking sex scenes we’ve ever seen, and HBO topped it off with a penis shot. Hey, at least they are equal-opportunity nudity show-ers. Girls show you theirs, then guys have to reciprocate. That’s feminism, we guess. When Lucky insulted Gillian, Nucky about had his head off. It seems like Gillian is actually a woman that Nucky genuinely respects. Maybe SHE is Nucky’s true love? Naw, she’s too good for him.

What this show needs now is some honest-to-goodness tension. We want to worry about someone or something. We want something to be at risk. We want a central plot arc that doesn't involve love. This show can't be a must-see unless its story catches up with its acting and filmmaking quality. If they need to stick close to history, then they have to give us some great plot arcs with supporting, made-up characters that we care about/they can take more liberties with.

Episode grade: B+

Dexter- First Blood review/recap

We are getting a little sick of Dexter’s moaning monologue worrying about his son, Harrison, possibly having his own dark passenger. It’s a baby, Dexter. Watch him in a few years. Dexter is highly educated. He should know that it’s too early to tell. We get that it’s cute how overanxious Dexter is, but his voiceovers about his paranoia are getting old.

Dexter went to breakfast with Lumen and tried to get her to leave town and go home, but Lumen wasn’t having any of that. She wanted revenge, so she broke into Boyd’s old house, found information on his old cellmate, and went out to kill him. Dexter also tracked this man down and sloppily ascertained that he wasn’t one of the men who tortured Lumen. Dexter stopped Lumen from shooting this man and gave her a plane ticket back to her family in Minnesota. After being patted down by security, a petrifying experience for someone who didn’t like to be touched that much now in front of men, Lumen left the airport and is still in Miami.

We like Lumen, and we are glad she is still around. We want her to get her revenge. She’s been trustworthy so far. Dexter should be happy she didn’t rat him out and help her kill those guys. Yeah, she’s a little crazy, revenge won’t help, and it will take her to a dark place. But we want to see it happen. She’s not going to stop until she gets some kind of closure anyway.

In Deb Land, Deb is still living at Quinn’s and treating him like crap. Not that we care much. Why should it be different with Quinn? You know a TV couple is a bust when no one anticipates their hook up with relish. This is a ho-hum couple if we ever saw one. Lundy and the ice truck killer seemed to get in the farthest. We want Deb to actually let a guy in, and we want it to be one that Dexter likes. Quinn had Batista and Officer Manzon to work with, since Quinn is on unpaid leave. Deb tracked down the source of a stamp on the suspect and found out that it was from nightclub. Batista suspected LaGuerta of cheating on him when she was really just helping internal affairs on a sting so that internal affairs would drop the investigation into Batista. The LaGuerta/Quinn/Deb asides had better get interesting, or we are going to start hating these characters for wasting our times. We don’t care that Quinn hired someone to investigate Dexter. We want someone to investigate that creepy nanny.

A solid, but uneventful episode. Dexter didn’t even kill someone. He just tried to get Lumen out of Miami. This show's insanely boring supporting storylines this year are making us antsy.

C+, because we’re impatient. Ok, maybe a B-. Somewhere between those.