Last Resort, previous two weeks

Eight Bells- Cortez is awesome. We can't believe she did that to save her buddy. That would be so hard. Was it right? Nothing about that situation was right. But wow. Hopefully it was just a beej. Anyway, there are lots of cool, competent women on this show. This episode felt like the show stalling and trying to fit an episode. Yeah, they had to get their captured men back, but the on-island action was about a mission that has little to do with the main plot.

Sometimes the submarine stuff gets boring. It's all action, but most of the time you can't see the action. They are just sitting there, looking tense and talking about the action that's happening. Apparently, they aren't writing the submarine portions accurately either. Everyone who has actually been on one in the military is scoffing and wishing this show would hire a better consultant. We don't care at all, because we know nothing about navy subs and we never will. It's entertaining. Sub moves. Sub shakes. Sub fires. That's all we care about.

The navy seal isn't stupid. We liked that he knew right away that Tani had brought him along with her just to tick off her father. Hopefully all the sweet facial expressions between Sam and the French woman and the background music were more about how nice it is that she's helping them and less about how they might have romantic chemistry. We like Sam's wife, and we won't be able to tolerate it if he cheats on her. Poor Red. We get why Josh felt like he should save Cortez though. It makes things more interesting that they killed one. Tragedy can help an otherwise blah episode.
Episode grade: B

Voluntold- Josh has a lot of trouble handling Red's death. We liked the way that subplot turned out, but this show is creeping along at a snail's pace. Sure, it's still entertaining and we are getting to know the characters. We loved Christine's freakout at the reporters. The stuff between Sophie and Julian was good and added an extra layer of conflict. Kylie's going to have to go against her dad. We really like her. We like Cortez even more after this week. Tani and the navy seal need to just bone already.
Episode grade: B-

Grey's Anatomy makes us chuckle again, Scandal tricks us, and Parks and Rec still needs to get everyone back to Pawnee

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Grey's Anatomy- Love the One You're With
Finally, there was a little levity this season. Funny lines in the first half included, "When Hunt appeared to you, was he glowing at all?" Also, the Callie/Alex conversation: "Stop sleeping with your coworkers, it ruins them." "I slept with you." "And now I no longer sleep with men." Then Avery and Meredith won all the comedy awards with their talk about how the chief banged both their moms. This is the Grey's we love. April looks prettier this year. We are ready to like her. Hopefully the show will let us by not making her painfully annoying this year. Aaaand then, right after we type that, April says she's going to be re-virginized. THAT'S NOT A THING. Bone that stupidity out of her, Avery. We don't know about the show having a legal aspect now that they didn't take the settlement. It could be interesting and dramatic though.

This is not Arizona! Bring her real personality back. We liked that Callie's patient made her realize that Arizona needed Callie to be the bad guy, so Callie stood up to her wife. We feel like this storyline is unbelievable as far as the way it's handling Arizona's reaction to losing her leg. This is how Derek, Cristina, and other morose characters would handle this, not Arizona, right? We like Callie's patient's nasty leg. We also like that the new intern is being developed more. For a while, it seemed like cool Bailey was back, but then she started whining about her personal life and lack of life challenges. Maybe it will lead to actual good storylines for her though. We loved the sticky notes. All Cristina needed to smile and bond with her co-workers was Mr. Feeny. Awww. We love him.
Episode grade: A-

Scandal- Hunting Season
Abby and David hooked up! Finally, she's good for something other than being self-righteous. The idea of the government watching us through our laptops is so creepy. You know what they would see a lot of from American citizens, especially guys? Hint: Porn. Okay, we'll just tell you. Masturbation. That's right, teenage boys, Obama is watching you gander and 'bate. The president was a little Edward Cullen-y in this episode, and we didn't like it. Forceful, jealous, possessive, and irrational. We're glad Olivia told him where to stick it. (We're dirty birds today, aren't we?) Artie fooled us as much as he did the Pope team. Mellie is a Disney villain. Blow you away? Ha. We get it show, we're supposed to root for Olivia because Fitz's wife is a politically ambitious shrew. They don't need to go that far with it. We're glad the show has kept the Disney Channel intern of David's around. She's funny. Here's hoping she passes the bar next time she takes it.
Episode grade: B-

Parks and Recreation- Sex Education
"Perd-verts" was a good joke. We think the religious fundamentalist couple is pretty funny too. Kind of cliche to have the husband be a closeted gay, but it's a cliche because the joke works. Though it kind of implies that in order for a man to wait until marriage to have sex, he has to be gay, and that's not true. We couldn't laugh at Tom's plotline too much because we're pretty much just like him as far as tech use goes. April is the best thing about the DC plotline. The plotline that needs to end, now. This episode was better than the premiere, but it wasn't season 2-4 material, and it wasn't better than last week.
Episode grade: B+

The Vampire Diaries- Memorial

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Now THAT'S more like it! People have been moaning that Elena becoming a vampire is "just like Twilight." Whatever. Not really. Stefan teaching Elena in the woods reminded us of Twilight kind of, but then they started getting it on. Then Elena vomited. We last saw the actress playing April Young in the Nine Lives of Chloe King. Her nose looks fake (we could be wrong though). For the record, we prefer big noses or noses with character to the sawed-off Michael Jackson models. And for the record, Kim Kardashian was prettier before she had all her work done too. Now she just looks plastic. It's icky.

That blood sharing between Elena and Damon was hot. That's the first time that's ever been hot to us. This show does that well. When Elena sucked on Matt's neck, that was hot too. We liked Elena vomiting up blood. Gnarly. She's not doing as well as Caroline. Is that because Caroline had many blood bags and a whole human to start off? Or is there something weird about Elena being a doppelganger? Stefan looks like he's related to a Romney. (Did you know Mitt is Romney's middle name? HIS FIRST NAME IS WILLARD. Ern did not know that. God, that's even worse than "Mitt.")

This episode was Original free! Good, we needed a break from them. The show made a great move bringing in new baddies. Last episode, we had Pastor Young. Now we have Jordan Connor, a capable vampire slayer. Sure, he hasn't slayed any vamps yet, but it's only a matter of time. He seems good at it. The best thing about this episode was sassy Damon. He was right where we like him. Rebellious without being homicidal, pragmatic, and hilarious. The joke where he crossed himself and his refusal to shake Jordan's hand were great. This is exactly how we like Damon. If he always acted like this, we'd both ship Delena.

We're glad Matt got something to do in this episode, especially since it might help him with his guilt problem. We wouldn't mind seeing Elena go back to him for a couple of weeks, since she's all confused. It would make sense since she'd be trying to cling to a bit of her humanity. When Caroline helped Elena heal April, we got chills. We were already proud of who Caroline has become, but that just hammered it home even more. The memorial scene was intense and so much fun. That's the kind of action we like. It's also good to bring in a new, female human character.

We teared up at the end, especially when we saw Alaric. Then the show ruined it by having Alaric talk. Dumb. Does that mean he wasn't jut a figment of Damon's imagination? We liked that Damon is bummed that Elena is going to be a killer just like the rest of all vampires. This conflict on how to handle Elena's transition is really working. This show needs to cool it with the cheesy endings though. That's the last time we want to hear about Bonnie's Gram grief. It was forever ago. Jeremy, nice job mentioning Anna and Vicki before you mention Jenna.

Overall, a win for the show and a sign that it hasn't lost its bloody goodness.
Episode grade: A-

Supernatural, Modern Family, Arrow, and Nashville

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Modern Family- The Butler's Escape
Any episode with a heavy focus on Luke is usually good, but the kid seemed off his game last night. The kid's acting needs to improve. Even Lily delivered her lines more convincingly this week. Cam and Mitchell only fought a little! Jay, Gloria, and Manny's story wasn't as forgettable as usual this week. We hope Alex's meanness doesn't resurface. We like that character as she was. Hayley had a good joke. ("Where did you get that? Forever 1921?") Retro is back in, Hayley. The funniest scene was when Cameron was teaching music at the middle school. We need to see more of that. We laughed aloud when the goth girl slow clapped at the end. Those were the sole big laughs, but this episode wasn't annoying or anything.
Episode grade: B-

Arrow- Honor Thy Father
First half? Snore. It was annoying when Laurel ran into Oliver's arms after they were attacked. Total damsel behavior. Please let this show NOT become a procedural where Oliver threatens a different rich guy every week and uses his stupid Arrow technology to bring the DA's office down on them. Yawn. It's so stupid that anyone would want Oliver in charge of a company, because his two sides are 1) crazy, damaged island boy and 2) drunken party animal with no honor. But yeah, give him authority! The good news is that the show is continuing to show us things that happened on the island. Eventually, we're gonna need the full story to believe it. Also, the yacht was sabotaged. Dun dun dunnnn. The show is still fun, but this episode wasn't as good as last week's. Also, we hate Oliver's little sister.
Episode grade: B

Supernatural- Heartache
It was time for a monster-of-the-week episode, because it's not like the main plot with the prophet and Crowley were as gripping as, say, the apocalypse. We haven't had a procedural week yet this season, so it was welcome. The case turned out interesting, and the interaction with the brothers was good. It was also funny that Dean bought an app. Randa was a decently cool villain and pretty in a different sort of way than we're used to seeing on TV. We like when this show brings up ancient gods. We love that Sam is the sports fan and Dean is the soapy shows fan. We got bored toward the middle of the episode (but that's usual with this show). We wouldn't mind if Sam settled down to have a normal life, occasionally guest starring, leaving Dean to team up with Castiel as a replacement. That would be a much funnier, sexier show. Start writing letters.
Episode grade: B-

Nashville- I Can't Help It (If I'm Still In Love With You)
Scarlett's little Minnie Mouse voice is making us root against her a little. Is that bad? After much mooning and whining, Scarlett and Gunner are a team. It's hard to get invested in the Deacon/Rayna romance, since she's married (to a weak wet blanket, but still) and Deacon bones fetuses. Eleven years is a long time to date someone though. Maybe the show would be better if so much of the plot for the two women wasn't focused on Deacon. This episode wasn't as good as last week's. Not much happened that didn't essentially happen in the pilot. We liked seeing Rayna and Deacon jam at the Bluebird, even if she's only an okay singer and the song wasn't as good as some of the other songs on the show. It's weird to see Juliette doing her stuff and not think of Taylor Swift, even though Swift seems a lot happier than Juliette.  
Episode grade: B

American Horror Story- Welcome to Briarcliff

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Oh Lord, this show. To its credit, it's a lot scarier this year. It didn't completely blow its wad immediately either. One of the things we complained about last year was the constant shock factor with no build-up. Each week was a tiny homage that just threw horror at us. That isn't frightening. This year, there seems to be more focus on the overall story. They do show a lot of things right away, but they seem to have saved a few things for later in the season. Shockingly, the aliens are scary so far. And Ryan Murphy didn't even show them to us yet! They probe too. ICK. 

Adam Levine did a good job. Chloe Sevigny is our favorite so far. As for Sister Jude, we don't get her. She's just mean. The religious conviction doesn't make her behavior justifications believable. There's something undeveloped about it. Hopefully that gets fixed. Lange does a good job and the sexual desires are understandable. Once again, there are very few sympathetic characters on this show, but there are more than there were last year. So far, one of them seems to be the priest, Howard. Others include Lana, the gay reporter who was committed, and Grace. 

We were so sad for Lana when her girlfriend betrayed her. It's always nice to see Clea DuVall though. Dr. Arden is creepy. The show is still bringing the kink, and it wouldn't be AHS without that sexuality, hate it or love it. One criticism we have is that the show jumped around too much. It was a little too packed, rushed, and all over the place. It's hard to accept so much weirdness, but that much weirdness at once? You have to draw things out a little if you want to scare people.

The change of setting and new monsters turned out to be great ideas. The show is also less depressing than last year. The tone is a little more enjoyable, there's no bummer of a crumbling marriage, and there's a little more humor. Okay, it's very very very black humor, but still. Overall, this was a good start to what might be a better season than last year's perfectly entertaining one. If this season can scare us where the last one didn't, it will be a triumph. Because no, last year wasn't scary. It was just weird and disgusting and a guilty pleasure.
Episode grade: B+

Shadow and Bone review

Despite our determination to finish JK Rowling's new book, we haven't been able to get through it yet. We may be done with it next week. We did take a little break to read more young adult fiction. We picked up Shadow and Bone, the first book of a proposed "Grisha Trilogy", by Leigh Bardugo because we heard it was going to be made into a movie and producers thought it could be the next big thing. While it wasn't revolutionary, we enjoyed it a lot.

An orphaned young woman who was drafted into the army,Alina, discovers she has powers and is whisked off to a palace to be trained. There is a good twist in the middle of the book and it careens toward an action-packed, satisfying ending. We hate cliffhangers when books aren't out yet, so that's good. The book was entertaining all the way through. Sure, there were some things that have become cliche in this genre (insecure misfit girl who doesn't think she's pretty, love triangle), but it avoided being egregiously offensive or stupid.

We liked most of the characters, especially The Darkling and Alina's new friend, Genya. It was cool that the book was set in a fictional version of Imperial Russia (people complaining that it's inaccurate didn't get the memo that it's a made-up version). The story sucked us in and wasn't predictable. We finished this in a day. The romantic parts were good enough to make you care, but it didn't take up the entire plot. It was a subplot. There is more going on here than romance (power struggles, courage), making it more like the Hunger Games than Twilight. Not that it is as good as The Hunger Games. Hardly anything is.

The highest praise we can give any book is that we would (and will, in this case) read its sequels. We will definitely be buying the next one. If you like YA fantasy, you could do worse.

Book grade: A-

Revenge, The Good Wife, 666 Park Avenue

So, the shows we watch Tuesday nights weren't on because of the debates. Mmmmeh. We still have a TV-related post because we're behind on some Sunday shows.

Revenge- Confidence
Declan, student loans suck, but they're better than stealing. Moron. We hope he dies. He's replaced Charlotte, who is totally tolerable when she's far away from Declan it seems, as our least favorite character. It looks like Jack is going to get into trouble being indebted to the rich, "forgiving" robbery victim. Complaint: nearly everyone overacts on this show. This is a total soap opera, except things actually happen in each episode. Victoria and Conrad should just stop having scenes together. They are ridiculous. Conrad sounds like he should follow up everything he says with a "Mr. Andersonnn." (Matrix reference)

We like Aiden, but does Amanda really need yet another love interest? He reminds us a little of Heath Ledger. That could be a far-out thing to say though/maybe it's just us. We're glad this episode ended Jack's relationship with Emily, even though it was a stupid, mean reason for him to end it. We also met Amanda's mother. Yay! Still, it's hard to take this show seriously, especially this week.
Episode grade: B

The Good Wife- Two Girls, One Code
In the dullest episode of the season so far, Kalinda's husband threatens her girlfriend, and we all groan that this plotline (possibly the worst in the show's history) is still going on. The case of the week was okay, and it's nice to see Will doing well, but we weren't on the edge of our seats. Alicia's personal life was the sole bright spot. Well, kind of. We really don't want her back with Peter. We want her to find someone better than both will and Peter. It's okay if she stays with him throughout the campaign, but after that, can she please find someone worthy of her? The best part of the episode was when Diane and Nathan Lane got in a fight. They are equally matched when they raise their voices.
Episode grade: B-

666 Park Avenue- The Dead Don't Stay Dead
Okay show. It's time to stop fooling around and tell a story. Never drive with both feet like Olivia does. Pick one foot. The right one. Everyone knows (or should know) this. The creepy stories of the week are becoming a strength for the show. So is Olivia's backstory.

The sad thing about this show is that we already know all the answers. We know it's about the Devil's apartment building. But we don't know Olivia's deal yet. She has a dead daughter. What is she doing with the Devil and why does she stay with him when she knows who he is? Olivia still retains some mystery, which is something this show sorely needs.

We also know the Devil has plans for Henry. What plans? To steal his soul? That's mundane these days. A problem for this show is if you're going to have the main antagonist be pure evil, you need some pure good guys to root for. In American Horror Story, you rooted for the mom. In Supernatural, you root for white knight Dean.

Here, we have a slightly boring couple. They aren't powerhouses for good that you want to see purge The Drake of injustice, suffering, and violence. If they died and a new couple were brought in, it would actually be a good thing. No one would bat an eye. We're giving this show two more weeks to grab us. We usually give a show that we think has potential five episodes to get good. Hopefully it isn't cancelled before it it does (if it ever will).
Episode grade: C+

Revolution and Downton Abbey

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Revolution- Soul Train
After Charlie first met Neville (cool first meeting, by the way) and they walked off, the music sounded just like the music on LOST. Also, they had Frank Lapidus play Hutch. We see what they're trying to do here, haha. Kim Raver (Grey's Anatomy, 24, Lipstick Jungle) was another familiar face. This week, they got damn close to getting Danny and missed. It was so entertaining that we aren't frustrated though. We also liked the seeing the flashbacks to Tom Neville's old life. We knew that was his son. It's a little ridiculous how they keep letting Danny have an advantage/always escape. Every week, he ends up right back where he started. Now he's at the main camp, so things should change and move forward.
Episode grade: B

Downton Abbey- Season 3, Episode 5
W.T.F? Sybil is one of our favorite characters, and we can't believe she's gone. She was the sweetest, prettiest character. It was soooo sad. They should have listened to Cora and the doctor with the doubts. They stayed with the family crying and in shock for an uncomfortably long time. We could not even deal with all the emotions. This was a hard episode to watch. Thomas getting overly familiar with the new guy. Ha! Others saw that coming where we didn't, but we liked it. Thomas crying over Sybil was good. It gives the character a well-needed sympathetic layer. We teared up when Mary and Edith decided to love each other for the day.

Daisy needs to stop being mean to that new kitchen maid. We love Isobel so much. She's unashamed of trying to help people, trying to be king, and trying to treat people well. Sometimes she says things that are a little self-righteous and plays savior where she shouldn't, but we can't fault her for it too much. Everyone else is being judgmental. We guess it was the times though. We're going to be depressed all day over this. To make things worse, all the characters might be wearing black for a while. They took Sybil AND the fashion. Ugh.
Episode grade: A-

Once Upon a Time and Homeland

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Once Upon a Time- Lady of the Lake
We love Snow with the longer hair. There's controversy over Lancelot (also seen in Teen Wolf) being black. We are fine with it. It's not like it's really England. It's a fantasy world. It's another version of the stories. Snow couldn't shoot arrows in previous versions. Who cares? If he's right for the part, why shouldn't he be allowed to play a character who was always fictional. We're peeved that they chose Lancelot at all. He's probably our least favorite character in that mythology. Arthur, Merlin, or Morgan would have been better. Did Emma's shade of blonde change? It looks better to us, for some reason. That's probably the only nice thing we'll have to say about Emma for a long time.

This whole thing with Emma and Mary Margaret trying to protect each other at the same time got annoying, even though it was supposed to be sweet. We get it. They are both strong women who want to be the protector. The ogre was okay though. We were worried that the CGI would be laughable. When Charming's mom told Snow to drink the last sip, saying, "That's what parents do. They put their children first. Someday you'll understand," we sniffled a little. It's even cooler that Snow didn't take it. That was the best wedding ever. So sweet. We're glad Emma's not mad at Snow anymore. Snow and Emma being gone is giving David and Henry time to do some of the most adorable grandson/grandfather bonding we've ever seen. This episode was enjoyable and touching.
Episode grade: B+

Homeland- State of Independence
It's nice to see Jessica not suck for once, like in the kitchen scene in the beginning of the episode and at the political function. It would be hard to wing a speech like that. Also we respect Jessica figuring out that he's still hiding something. We were bored with most of the plot where Brody drove the tailor into the woods. We knew it would end in death anyway, because of the preview last week. It felt like kind of a waste of time. It put the Jessica/Brody romance in jeopardy, but that wasn't going well to begin with. It was weird that Jessica calls Brody by his surname. Did we ever get the reason she does that?

It took forever for Saul to get home with the intel. We're glad the scene where it was "taken" was a fake out. This show was postponing the aftermath of that. If Saul had called it in right away, Brody probably wouldn't have accidentally killed that tailor. It was disturbing to watch Carrie down those pills and cups of alcohol. Suicide is so sad, even when it's fictional. We're glad she threw it up. She's a great character. That was a low moment. She's gonna need new meds now too. We got chills in the last scene just watching Carrie's face. Good episode, but we didn't enjoy the subplot in the woods.
Episode grade: B+

Revenge's review is coming tomorrow.

The Walking Dead- Seed

Last season on The Walking Dead, the show was really boring for the first half, and by the time something happened in the second half, we had stopped caring about the stereotypical, annoying characters. BUT THEN the adultery subplot was wrapped up, intolerable Dale was killed, we caught sight of an interesting-looking new stranger, and the group moved on. Also, there are zombies in this show, guys.

So we're still watching. We've never mentioned before how much we love the opening credits to this show. The music and images are so creepy and perfect.

This prison thing is like the most awesome level of someone's favorite video game. The group sure owned. Now that's teamwork. The singing portion went on too long, especially since those women had a couple of average voices. The five that went in to do hand-to-hand? Those are the show's official bad bitches. Think how hardcore you'd have to be in order to do that, and not even for yourself but for a pregnant woman/the good of the group.

Even if you think this show has pacing problems and each episode could stand to be ten minutes shorter, you have to admit the zombie fight scenes are intense. What's with Carl being all cool now? Who does he think he is, Once Upon a Time's Henry? We still hate him. Maggie's our hero right now. We like the time jump, but were curious as to what happened with Andrea and Michonne. They seem like friends.

Rick is like ice with Lori. It's not her fault, dude. You were "dead." Why does Michonne drag those zombies around? What good do they do? Do they fight? Is it to look threatening? It's hard to impress creatures with no working intellect.

The episode's ending was inspired. Not only were there living humans in the prison, Hershel was bitten. Now, he didn't die (which would have been good since we're afraid he might fill the self-righteous void previously occupied by Dale), but Rick had to cut his leg off many chops at a time. NASTY. Poor guy. This was a good start that got us excited about the season.
Episode grade: A-

Dexter- Buck the System

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All hail the lizard brain! We actually get to see what happens when Dexter doesn't kill. Seeing his slow meltdown and visions of killing everyone around him lets us know that this isn't something Deb can cure. We knew that already, but it's interesting to see the failure in detail. Plus, who wouldn't love to see Masuka get stabbed in the neck by a pen? He's so annoying. Not as annoying as Louis though.

Finally, finally Dexter makes real moves against Louis, getting him dumped and fired. We love Jamie's reaction to Louis cheating on her. It sucks that she has to worry about STIs. This guy is so not worth it. "It's not cheating if you paid for it!" Nice try. Louis is still trouble though. He turned the baddies onto Dexter. At least he's dead now. We hated that guy. We can't believe he turned out to be useful to the plot. Very nice, show.

Yvonne from Chuck! She looks even prettier on this show, if that's possible. There was chemistry between Hanna and Dexter, and we approve, even though there's a lot going on this season already. It could help keep Deb and Dexter from hooking up. Thank God that seems to have been dropped. It's like the show is actually listening to its groaning fans!

The conversations between Dexter and Deb continue to rule. We love that Nadia came clean to Quinn too. That was a surprise. We were sick of seeing him screwed over in the romance department. The show never uses him properly, and giving him a role to play in one of the show's biggest story arcs is inspired.

We are so petrified of getting murdered on a date, so the baddie of the week creeped us out. The end was actually intense. The poor girl not making it went a long way toward convincing Deb that her brother's extracurricular activities are necessary. She hates it, but she gets it. Their sibling relationship has to change, and that's fine with us. We like the honesty much better.

We haven't been bored or irritated at all this season! Is this show back?!! For real? We've hardly ever seen recoveries like this. Usually when a good show starts getting bad, it stays bad. Exceptions include Scrubs (got lame around season six, but turned in a good season eight, which we consider to be the real final season/don't talk to us about the reboot), Grey's Anatomy (recovering from ghost sex, the ferryboat thing, and Gizzie), possibly Glee since this season has been better than the last two so far, and, now, Dexter. We're hoping Supernatural can pull off a similar resurrection.

This episode was tightly plotted, entertaining, fast-paced, and well-acted. It dispensed with the Rehab By Deb plotline, and set up a lot of interesting things. Deb finding out about Dexter was exactly what this show needed.
Episode grade: A