This week’s theme was “sexuality,” so of course Aylin was really excited. Leeard still hates her and would like to give a shout-out to Nellie: You don’t need to have sex to be sexual. We love her for being a virgin. She’s only 19 and that’s appropriate. WORD to Lily saying that Aylin is sexy, she just pushes it too hard. We both think Michael is precious. The fact that he thinks math is sexy makes Leeard think he is sexy. Ern thinks math is terrifying, not sexy. We still can’t believe Abraham is straight and we like his hair black. The challenge song this week was “I Wanna Sex You Up” by Color Me Badd. Ern is proud to say that until this week, she had never heard this song. Leeard is ashamed of Ern. The guest mentor this week was the beautiful Naya River (Santana). As for the song? Well, they sounded fine, but they looked stupid. These are the most embarrassing people on the planet. Less is more
Blake, you’re so freaking hot. We were seriously crying laughing during this
song. It looked like Naya was lauging a little too.
The video this week was a mash-up of "Moves Like Jagger" and "Milkshake". Leeard hates "Moves Like Jagger". Ern hates both those songs. Leeard likes "Milshake", because it brings back good memories of 10th grade (to which Ern asks, “Did your milkshake bring all the boys to the yard in 10th grade?”) In the video, the kids were to have a guys v. girls sexy off. The people running this show just want to make us laugh, don’t they? Absolutely. Lily and Nellie both prove to be sexier than Aylin. Lily owns it. Leeard still doesn’t know if she likes Lily or not, but she liked her this week.
We expected this video to be a piece of s*it because it usually is, but it wasn’t as bad as we thought it was going to be. In the video, the kids start singing and dancing in response to a teacher’s essay prompt: What Sex Means To You. Ern would OWN that essay, and anyone who doesn’t believe that can demand to see such an essay, if they are weird enough to want to read it, haha. It became clear that Nellie was NOT going home this week. She stole the show.
Leeard likes Shanna, Nellie, Michael, and Blake. Ern likes everyone except Ali (because of her helium voice and weird squirrel face and lack of personality), Tyler (for obvious reasons), and Mario (because he’s been a douchelord lately). Leeard cares less about the voices on this show than the person. If they are going to be on Glee, she needs to like them, since Ryan is basing the character on the person. Ern is all about picking the best voices, since downloads and performances are the only reason she’s even still watching Glee. The mash-up didn’t go together that well. It was just too much beat and too much noise. It must have been a rejected idea from Glee.
The bottom three were Charlie (for flirting and trying to direct the shoot), Michael (for choking in the studio), and Tyler (for his usual suckitude). Since this was the third freaking time for Tyler, Ern was shrieking at the screen for him to be gone. FINISH HIM. Leeard was nervous for Michael, who she grew to like over the episode and hoped he would do math on a chalkboard while he sang or something. Anything to turn on that nerd charm and rock it out. But how has Charlie never heard, “I Get a Kick Out of You?!!” YOU CHILDREN. YOU ALL SUCK. Worse was Tyler never having heard “Smile” since it was on Glee.
We really liked Charlie’s voice with "I Get a Kick Out of You". Ern’s favorite version of this is the Patti LuPone version from Anything Goes. Tyler’s song was good for his awkward voice, but it wasn’t enough to win us over. Ryan Murphy had to call him brave like 9,000 times. Tyler is criticism proof because he's transgendered, Ryan? Um, no. That's all he has going for him. You can criticize everything else. Michael gets up and forgets the words to "Lucky", a song he was already sucking at before then, because he wasn’t being upbeat enough. Then he totally saved the performance by making up his own words, which turned into funny ones near the end. “This is my favorite part of the song.” “Lucky my nerves didn’t kick in at all.”
It was so entertaining, but Ryan didn’t get it. He nearly reamed Michael for choking and forgetting "Lucky". Come out of the closet, Michael. Quick! Ern rolled her eyes, muttering, but this show took Dani from us, and that’s all they can really do to Ern for a while. She’s numb to eliminations after that travesty. After the bottom three left the stage, the judges debated. Zach, who is the greatest and true winner of The Glee Project, went to bat for Michael against Ryan. Ryan gravely intoned that this was possibly their hardest decision. Okay, Tyra Banks, it’s NOT HARD. One of them has been in the bottom three times. It's an easy freaking choice. The show finally made the right one. Tyler went home; Ern has been placated. Abraham lost it, crying. We didn’t know they were that close, but it was touching.
Episode grade: B-