Gossip Girl - The Witches of Bushwick recap/review

Yeah, we are aware that this is the third recap with a picture of Chuck and Blair making out. So sue us. Double Double Toil and Trouble (yeah, we had to say that). The cloaked witches of Gossip Girl were out in full force last night, ready to take out Serena, and for once, they were effective.

Serena’s affair with Colin was leaked to the media, and the Dean of Columbia asked Serena to transfer to another school. Awesome Mom Lily had Serena’s back, acting like she believed her daughter hadn’t had the affair, and the Dean was forced to back off. Jenny appeared back home and warned Lily that Juliet was still out-and-about, with information that could hurt Serena. We didn’t believe Jenny was on Serena’s side for a second, and we were right. It was party of Jenny, Juliet, and Vanessa’s plan for vengeance. Jenny stole Serena’s SIM card out of her cell phone, enabling them to receive her texts and messages and send responses in her name, all without Serena noticing. Vanessa got Dan and Nate to be friends again, and they decided to force Serena to make a choice and lay the issue to rest. Using the phone, Jenny and Vanessa toyed with the boys’ affections.

Chuck and Blair are still doin’ it, and Chuck even said he loved Blair. After a day of pondering, Blair told him that she did too. Sadly, it’s not good for Chuck’s business to be tied down to one girl, and it’s not good for Blair’s reputation to be seen with Chuck. When they are caught together though, it turns out alright with Chuck, but Blair loses an important opportunity. She realized that if she was with Chuck, everyone would see her as Chuck’s girl and not as herself. She told Chuck that she didn’t want to be Hilary Clinton in the White House, she wanted to be “Hilary as Secretary of State, but with better hair.” Chuck assured her that if two people are meant to be together in the end, they will be. It was probably the friendliest breakup of all time. So now Blair is off to make a name for herself and be taken seriously as a powerful woman. Come on. What girl in love would actually pick that? We are slightly impressed, but we are furious that Chuck and Blair are apart again, and we are not sure that it was necessary. Blair could have stood out with Chuck; she just would have had to work harder.

Juliet met with Lily and told her that she knew about a previous affair Serena had with a teacher at boarding school. Everyone is assuming that teacher was Ben, Juliet’s brother, and his relationship with the minor Serena is what got him into jail in the first place. Consensual statutory rape? Wow, we know Serena’s family is rich and powerful, but we think he’d be out of jail by now, realistically. Lily bribed Juliet not to tell and is funding Juliet’s life now that she needs a new benefactor. This caused a rift between Serena and Lily. Why was Serena mad? She had no reason to be.

Chuck had a saints and sinners-themed party, and the outfits were not nearly as fantastic as we wanted them to be. Juliet came to the party dressed as Serena and kissed both Nate and Dan, with a mask on, of course. Why do these people keep having masked balls? It makes the takedowns and backstabbing way easier. The good news is that, for once, Serena’s outfit was great at this party. Juliet got photos of herself kissing both boys and sent them to Gossip Girl. In other sabotage, Vanessa made it look like Serena was gunning for the opportunity Blair lost out on, and Blair got mad at Serena. Oh, and they made it look like Serena exposed Chuck and Blair’s relationship as well.

No one believed that Serena wasn’t responsible for all the chaos, which is so unlikely. Has no one met this girl? She’s so sincere. She could never double-cross like this. Jenny is in town, you idiots. Blair, Nate, Dan, Lily, and Eric are now on the outs with Serena. Juliet drugged Serena, texted Columbia’s Dean with Serena’s “official” resignation, took Serena away, tied her to a bed, and started filling her up with drugs. Man, Serena’s reputation is REALLY about to take a hit.

Lots of drama and plot furtherance here, but there were too many unlikely moments to earn this one an A. And no episode that stops Blair and Chuck from having sex should get an A either.

Episode grade: B+