Grey's Anatomy - Disarm recap/review

You have to hand it to Grey's Anatomy. After years of plotlines, hype, and offscreen drama, it still knows how to be one of the most entertaining shows on TV, whether you admire it as art or not. Last night, all of the doctors got to work on their issues through saving lives in the aftermath of a campus shooting. It was like a repeat of their own disaster, only this time, they got to save everyone and look at it all more objectively. Because this episode was so much about the doctors, the patients and their speeches and their love lives were left out, and every patient lived.

The opening sequence of the episode showed three couples in bed together, waking up. Meredith and Derek were fighting, because Derek was hanging out with Cristina and cutting former-best-friend Meredith out of the loop. They still had to have sex though, because Meredith was ovulating. (Meredith-“I’m too mad to even look at you.” Derek- “Well then, roll over.”) Then the show cut to a happy, giggling couple that we were astounded to find out was Owen and Cristina. Well, enjoy the giddiness while it lasts, because there is no way these two can stay drama-free for too long. Owen got a page from Teddy and flew out of the bedroom, and Cristina left to explore the city. Then we saw Mark and Lexie in bed together. You know how much we care about Mark and Lexie? We had forgotten that they were back together; that’s how much. Arizona went to Callie’s in the morning, still trying to win Callie back. Callie told her to go back to Africa. Waka Waka.

Owen met Teddy and the patient who needs insurance at the courthouse. Apparently, Teddy needed a witness and she has no other friends other than a married guy that she used to crush on. That’s healthy (sarcasm). Through the TV, we begged Owen to stop Teddy from being crazy, but he didn’t do it. Selfish. He was probably just happy that someone else was making a really juvenile mistake so people would stop getting on HIM for getting married too soon. Look out Cristina and Owen, there is a new insane couple in town, and they are Teddy and … well, she probably doesn’t know his name either.

Cristina was wandering the city. If you have ever been to Seattle (and we know one reader has), then you know it’s not a HUGE city. When one of us visited and wanted to see the space needle, she just looked at it, walked toward it, and got there. So we laughed at the writers when Cristina asked someone where the space needle was. She lives there. She knows the general direction in which to walk. But whatever, she should have been going to Pike Place market anyway. Cristina saw emergency vehicles speeding toward a Seattle college campus and followed. She got there just in time to see EMTs loading a guy onto an ambulance who needed surgery, stat. We cried a little when Cristina finally said, “Someone needs to crack his chest!” We knew that she was back. Awww. Cristina rode with the patient to the hospital and performed a thoracotomy (whatever that is and however you spell it). Teddy and Owen were shocked when she rolled into the drop-off, but they both let her go into the O.R. Teddy also brought Luscious Jackson in, just in case Cristina froze again.

But yes, there had been a campus shooting, and 26 patients were on their way to Seattle Grace, even though the hospital doesn’t have that many operating rooms. April Kepner got to live out a real-life version of Owen’s crazy trauma training where there was just a mosh pit of patients to save and no operating rooms. We knew that was going to come full-circle. Lexie evacuated a blood clot by herself. Bailey screamed at a patient and God, calling God a bastard, and this brought the patient back to life (no kidding, that’s just how awesome the voice of Bailey is).

A 15-year-old genius college student had been shot, and dirty old Stark wanted to cut off her leg when Alex thought they could save it. Arizona, up in the gallery, told Karev, “Body block him!” Alex did. Oh Alex, that’s why we love you. Alex probably knew he wouldn’t get in too much trouble. Separating an attending from his patient in an emergency doesn’t come close to cutting an L-Vad wire, for instance. Arizona asked the chief for privileges and stole Stark’s patient. Callie helped her, telling Stark, “You’re new here, but in this hospital, we take shootings personally.” Stark went to whine to the Chief, but Weber shut him down and told him to go save lives. Callie and Arizona saved the girl and the leg.

After a cop who had seen and taken down the shooter arrived, the identity of the shooter was revealed. It was Cristina and Teddy’s patient. We noted that this patient was, in fact, a ginger. We should have known, because according to the great, wise, and wonderful South Park, gingers have no souls. Jackson freaked out and left the operating room, even after Teddy gave a rousing speech about professional responsibility ("I operated on Iraqi soldiers who blew up dozens of our guys. I didn’t like it, but I did it”). Cristina stayed. Owen came by to check on her, and left as soon as he saw her NOT on the floor, in a fetal position. We’re getting pretty sick of looking at Owen’s “Worry Face.” Can he please smile more? Well, in another episode, maybe. This time, it’s understandable.

A professor who had helped students escape to the roof had fallen from a window as he tried to follow them. His wife was in the waiting room, and Meredith became obsessed with her. She took this day as a chance to whine to Derek about how no one seemed to be giving her enough pity for going through a trauma too. She talked about how hard it was to be the wife in the waiting room and kept leaving to update this woman when Derek needed her. In the end, Meredith was vindicated by Derek’s realization that she had a point, but still. We don’t think this was the right time, Mer, you brat.

Alex had compassion for the shooter, telling Jackson that the shooter had to be mentally ill and hurting to do such a thing. He said, “My brother just had a psychotic break and tried to kill my sister. If he got hurt, even if he got hurt hurting people, I’d want his doctors to save him. No matter what he did he’s still my little brother.” So when Jackson met the shooter’s worried mother, he was kind to her and gave her an update on his condition. A crowd gathered outside the hospital and sang the college’s Alma Mater with candles. Which was sweet, but we hope they didn’t get in the way of things or distract too many people.

After all the patients had been saved, all the main characters gathered in the gallery to watch Teddy and Cristina finish up. They cried and laughed over their victory (except for mean Stark, who was inexplicably shaking his head). The Chief hired Arizona back, but she has to work under Stark. Arizona once again pleaded with Callie for another chance, giving a heartfelt speech. Callie responded with, “You had to fly across the world to get to me, Arizona, because you flew a whole world away without ever looking back. This might be news to you, I think it kind of is, but there are two of us in this relationship. And you came back today, but I didn’t.” Sorry Arizona, you have to come up with a better speech than the one you tried, because Callie has been speech-writing, and she will bust you up. Lexie said, “I love you” to Mark, and Teddy toasted her new “marriage” with her new husband at Joe’s. Actually, Teddy’s new husband pretty much made her toast the marriage, even though Teddy wasn’t in the mood. Good job, Teddy, you married someone pushy AND gushy.

Cristina and Meredith met up at the hospital. We are so glad the show didn’t drag out the reunion and make it dramatic. Cristina asked Meredith to get a drink and Meredith said yes, but “not a real drink, since I’m trying to get pregnant.” Cristina suggested crack cocaine as they walked off, arm-in-arm. Meredith’s voiceover said something mushy that made no sense since we hadn’t been listening to what she said earlier. But we were happy. There was some nice tension to this episode, but it wasn’t much of a downer. (Was it too happy?) It had some character development and resolutions. Most of all, we are thrilled to have Cristina back and better than ever.

Episode grade: A-

You can watch this on hulu.com for the next three days.