Spock Stewart’s Home Crafts, Including Bats and Carved Pumpkins

American Horror Story - "Halloween I"

We get to see Patrick and Chad, the gay couple who lived in the Murder House before the Harmons. Chad is played by Zachary Quinto, and he has gone Full Gay. We will never look at young Spock the same way again. Of course Quinto had to come out of the closet before his American Horror Story role aired. This was extra-convincing and catty. Of course, we should all keep in mind that Eric Stonestreet (Cam on Modern Family) is straight. You never can tell.

Quinto was really good and funny in this episode. He was….dare we say…fabulous. Patrick was played by a guy who looked a lot like a poor man's Eric on True Blood. Chad and Patrick did not kill each other, it turns out. Even though Patrick was cheating on Chad with a young man, they didn’t hate each other or go crazy. It seems they were killed by The Gimp near Halloween 2010.

With the flashback over, we have Marcy letting the Harmons know that they are never going to sell the house unless they get new decorations for the house and make it more inviting. SO the Harmons hire a “fluffer,” a young gay man Marcy knows. This man’s job will be to redecorate and set the house up to receive trick-or-treaters on Halloween. This is not the definition of “fluffer” that we are familiar with. Who shows up to fluff? Chad, bringing Patrick.

Constance is jealous when she finds Travis reading to Addie. Constance tells Addie that she won’t share her boy toy. Addie tells Constance that she wants to be a pretty girl for Halloween. "You'll go as Snoopy again," Constance says, flatly. So Addie goes to Violet and Violet puts makeup on her. Constance freaks and forces Addie to wash it off, but she later buys Addie a rubber mask with hair to put over her head. The mask is of an attractive girl’s face, but of course it’s hella creepy.

Violet and Tate (the characters that Ryan Murphy jokingly called “America’s feel-good Romeo and Juliet couple") hang out in the basement, and Tate puts on the Gimp suit to scare Violet. Does this mean that Tate is the murderous Gimp? Or did he just take the suit out of the trash and the ghost has his own? Is Tate the father of Vivien’s baby? Or something? CONFUSION. For the record, one of us does not at all think that Tate was the Gimp in the pilot.

Ben agrees to see Tate as a patient outside of the Murder House. Tate tells Violet more of the story about the abortion doctor and his wife. The boyfriend of one of the doctor’s patients stole the doctor’s baby and dismembers it. When the cops bring back the remains, the doctor plays Frankenstein with them. Violet doesn’t believe Tate.

Patrick makes a pass at Ben, offering to suck his D, and proving himself as the real fluffer. This is not a family show, is it? On Halloween, Chad insults Vivien and Ben’s costumes and overreacts that Ben didn’t buy the right kind of apples for the bobbing display. Tantrums are thrown and Viv kicks the gay couple out of the house. Then Vivien tells Ben that she saw Hayden’s number on their phone records. Ben nearly smooths things over, but then he gets a call from Hayden’s cell. At that moment, Vivien feels the baby kicking and rushes off to the hospital with Ben.

Violet is told not to answer the door (“But it’s Halloween!”), so when Addie rings the doorbell to show Violet the pretty mask, Violet doesn’t answer. Addie ends up getting hit by a car. Constance pushes the paramedics away in order to get Addie back to the Murder House before she dies. It must be true that if you die on the Murder House property, you can come back as a ghost. Poor Addie.

Moira has a creepy scene where she visits her dying mother and pulls the plug, as it were. The mom’s ghost asks Moira to come with her to the afterlife, but Moira sadly tells her mother that she can’t. At the hospital, the nurse looks at the sonogram and sees that the baby is a LOT bigger than it should be after eight weeks. She takes a closer look and keels over, fainting.

Meanwhile, Larry Harvey shows up, banging on the door and screaming for Ben to come out and give him a thousand dollars. Violet calls her parents, perplexed. Then tell her to keep the door locked and not to call the police. We see the Gimp standing behind Violet. When Ben and Vivien return, Violet is nowhere to be found. The doorbell rings and Ben opens it to find a dirty, pale Hayden.

This show is crazypants. And we are entertained.

Episode grade: A-