It’s Not Sex If You Can’t Remember It - Grades for this week's comedies

Shameless - Summer Loving

Sheila makes it out to a fruit stand, getting ever closer to Frank’s bar. Frank reaches a new low when he decides to find someone else to mooch off of and goes to a former bar patron, Dottie, who has health problems. She has a city pension that could go to Frank if he plays his cards right and wins Dottie’s heart before she dies. Dottie has lots of home repairs for Frank to take care of, but she can’t have sex with Frank, because it could kill her. Dottie is known for being a “butterface,” which means that she has a great body…but her face (is ugly). This is an accurate, if horrible, description of Dottie. Frank finds out that he is the male butterface. We don’t think that body is anything to write home about, Frank. Jasmine tries to set Fiona up with a sugar daddy. He turns out to be a nice guy, just along for the ride with a friend. He and Fiona have an honest, cute conversation about how it’s so not happening between them.

There wasn’t enough Fiona this week. Emmy Rossum is possibly the strongest thing about this show, and Fiona is the most developed and sympathetic character. Taking focus off of Fiona and putting it on Frank isn’t a great idea. Veronica breaks the rules at her job in order to take the elderly people at the retirement home on a fun excursion to the park. One man overexerts himself and kicks the bucket. It’s all very sweet, if a little morbid. Lip is upset that Karen seems to be taking her relationship with her new beau seriously. Ian tries gets Mickey a job at the Kash and Grab so Mickey can get redemption. Debbie is starting to show some growing pains this season and craves her own room. Frank shows compassion by lending his bedroom to a pregnant illegal immigrant. Carl moves into the van. This was funny filler. Our favorite part was when Fiona had her old diary read aloud.
Episode grade: B-

How I Met Your Mother - 46 Minutes

Lily and Marshall move to the suburbs, 46 minutes away and Barney becomes “leader of the group.” First destination? A strip club. Final destination? Lily and Marshall’s house where the gang find that it doesn’t matter if they have to travel nearly an hour by train. As long as they end up together, the group is just fine. Kevin and Robin play “relationship chicken,” which is where they both try to appear adventurous and flexible by agreeing to every suggestion. That’s how they end up at a strip club when neither of them wants to go.

Confession: Ern totally does that. Crazy restaurant with gross food? Ern is there! Go-karts even though Ern is a grown-ass woman? Ern is there. Beer festival? Ern is there (and wasted). This episode, while not as funny as we wanted it to be, at least showed Ern that she is not alone in being too agreeable at the beginning of relationships. And, actually, Ern ended up really liking the go-kart thing. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with trying out a guy’s interests for a while. What else is dating for, if not to learn about new people and have experiences?

The episode was briefly funny when Barney and Ted played poker with the Russian mob. The whole thing with Lily’s father trying to “help” Marshall and refusing to move out was not funny. Strip clubs are gross. The best part of this episode was the new intro with Barney as the head of the group. The show gets bonus points for playing a second version of that halfway through the episode. Overall though, the episode was dull and flat.
Episode grade: C+

New Girl - The Story of the 50

Jess prepares a party bus for Schmidt’s 29^th birthday. Schmidt gets drunk and tries to kiss Jess, which is why he had to put a 50 in the douchebag jar. There, see? We told that story a lot quicker than the gang in this episode. Nick has a new girlfriend named Julia who is played by Lizzy Caplan who was also in Party Down, True Blood, and Mean Girls (and Related!!). She was Janis. Yes, Janis is pretty in real life. We love Lizzy Caplan. This episode was mildly amusing. Jess acted intelligently, for the most part, which is a relief to Ern. We also got to see Schmidt as a fat college guy. Awww.
Episode grade: B+

Happy Endings- Makin Changes

Jane convinces Penny not to change herself for guys, but to find a guy to change instead. Penny starts dating Jeff, a 30-year-old who still acts like he is 20, played by Ryan Hansen (who will always be Veronica Mars' Dick Casablancas to one of us). Penny changes Jeff for the better and he goes back to his ex-girlfriend a new-and-improved man. Penny does manage to break her pattern though. Year of Penny! Jane brags about how she changed Brad, so Brad starts acting like he did back in college. Jane realizes that Brad changed her too, so she approaches Brad looking like she did in college (with pink hair). They admit that they grew up together. Alex and Max are addicted to shows like Hoarders and Intervention. They conduct an intervention for Dave to stop him from wearing V-necked t-shirts. All three storylines are funny. We love this show.
Episode grade: A-

Parks and Recreation - Campaign Ad

Paul Rudd is Leslie Knope’s opponent! Brilliant! He is adorable and makes the episode even funnier than it would normally have been. Leslie and Ben fight over whether Leslie’s ad should be positive or negative. Finally, they make a great ad that they both like. April and Andy have multiple doctor appointments so that they don’t have to seek medical attention for at least ten years. At the end of this post, we have included Leslie's full "pro list" because it was impossible to see in the episode.
Episode grade: A-

The Office - Pool Party

This episode was really weird, but it worked for Ern. The opening was one of the funniest Office openings we’ve seen in a while, especially the dog dressed as Dwight. Ern is starting to ship Erin and Dwight, and Leeard thinks that is gross. “Monogamy for my hog in me,” might be one of the best Andy lines ever. Man, weird WORKS for this show. Even Gabe was funny! There were multiple, audible laughs from us during this episode. We all know The Office needs to change in order to have new life, and this type of humor might be a good direction for it to go in. It's not the show it was, but it's a show that's still funny, in a way. 
Episode grade: A

Modern Family - Little Bo Bleep

There was lots of controversy about Lily saying the F-word, but we thought it was funny and realistic. Who doesn’t remember younger siblings, cousins, or their own children accidentally saying bad words without knowing the implications? The highlight of the episode though was Phil getting autotuned on youtube for talking about how much of a pervert he is for wanting to have sex with his wife. CLASSIC. Stella is the cutest dog in the world and we want her. We are with Jay on this one.
Episode grade: B

LESLIE'S PRO LIST

• More dog parks
• Senior citizens rights
• Safe streets
• Safe sidewalks
• Better schools
• Lower taxes
• Better parks
• Better business climate
• Better Better Business Bureau
• Cleaner streets
• Improve greenways
• More snow plows
• Protecting Pawneeans
• Improving tourism
• More trash cans
• Energy-efficient street lights
• Westside Detoxification and Revitalization Project
• Repaving Grand Avenue
• More teachers
• Fewer libraries
• Improve intergovernmental agency communication
• Clean-up Barefoot Lake
• Passing Pawnee Jobs Bill P-129.4
• Playgrounds in every park
• Playgrounds in every schoolyard
• Playgrounds in every residential block
• Clean energy
• One police officer for every 5 citizens
• One park ranger for every 10,000 raccoons
• Resodding Hilltop Cemetery
• Start talking to Cuba again
• Emergency evacuation drills
• Plow for Charity
• Forming an Ad Hoc Sub-Committee Oversight Committee
• Challenging the norm
• Pawnee Corn Subsidies
• Finally Passing PR-61, formally recognizing South Korea
• Official peace treaty with the Wamapoke Tribe
• Four-way stops at every intersection
• Unionizing ice cream trucks
• Get Europe out of debt
• Free trade with Illinois
• Enact RRP - Raccoon Relocation Project
• Pawnee Community College tuition in exchange for 4 years of public service
• Doubling Pawnee Hospital's emergency room nurse staff
• Legalize Korean
• Lower the obesity level
• Stop global terrorism
• Re-open the toucan exhibit at Pawnee Zoo
• Find Gabe the Toucan
• More community gardens
• Ordinance 11F: To Re-pave City Sidewalks
• Budget reform
• Updated Technologies for Local Schools
• Better retirement benefits for city employees
• Edward Phillips Senior Center Remodeling
• Speed bumps in front of elementary schools
• Unemployment benefits
• Re-instating the Main St. Farmers Market
• No turtles as pets
• New uniforms for youth sports programs
• Free public Wi-Fi
• Updated childcare facilities
• Shutting down the Child Left Behind program
• Handicap parking placards for the obese
• FREE PARKING EVERYWHERE
• Cleaner drinking water
• Regulate heights of trampolines
• Memorial for those lost in the trampoline "incident"
• Control the floods
• Funding for public art commission
• Fencing in correctional facilities
• New police patrol cars
• Funding overtime hours for police
• Rebuilding the PTA
• Prosecuting former PTA president Linda Trifle
• Profitable government organizations
• Shutting down underground shooting ranges
• Making sure city contracts employ local workers
• Providing more economic development grants and micro-loans to small businesses
• Foster partnerships with sister cities
• More buses to speed up morning commutes
• More streets to accommodate additional buses
• Require all city employees check and respond to email
• Working sewers
• More parades
• Grants for scientists to discover new forms of energy
• Leave a lasting impression on all visitors
• Challenge the norm
• Finish the statue of Burt Bacharach
• No more conflict diamonds
• Bulletproof glass everywhere
• Free cookies at every street corner
• One school for every student
• Require flattering mirrors in public restrooms
• Develop a municipal composting operation
• Enforce existing speeding and noise ordinances
• Upgrade existing parks
• Create an anti-graffiti, youth outreach program
• Free cake when it's your birthday
• Reevaluate NAFTA
• Rickshaw Wednesdays
• Making it illegal to refuse a hug
• Make downtown more people-friendly
• Sell candy in government buildings to pay down the debt
• Get Pawnee a licensed pharmacy
• Better screening processes at local adoption agencies
• Finding homes for the adopted children of Day Labor Corp.
• Prop 6A: To Recognize All Five Food Groups
• Replacing all glass with plastic at Pawnee Psychiatric Clinic
• Curfew for minors at The Pawnee Mall
• Stop paying Sweetums the so-called "thank you for being here" tax
• Mini-golf renovations
• Subsidizing educational and eco-friendly businesses
• Removing Zorp from all written laws
• Reducing Federal Government Experiments in town to 10 per year
• Ordinance 8R: A Goat Cannot Own/Inherit a Farm
• Legalize clapping
• New railway
• Prop 14: Religion Is Not a Science
• No longer recognizing the winner of the chili cook-off as a government position
• Stricter testing at Pawnee Blood Bank
• Boarding up unsanctioned "drop off" slot at Pawnee Blood Bank
• Encouraging the FDA to re-analyze our farms
• Funding for better and safer sewage treatment
• Thicker cement for containment of old sewage treatment factory
• Mandatory sexual harassment seminar for government employees
• Starting a dialogue with the people who live in the trees
• Pay off our debt to the Ringling Bros.
• Prove that we can safely host a circus again
• Ordinance 43K: Laws Cannot Be Secrets
• Recall Food N' Stuff branded hand sanitizer
• Disseminate the fund for a Pawnee Military
• Find the stolen cell phone tower
• Reduce obesity by .01% (100 lbs per family)
• Make the Pawnee Cemetery less flammable
• Less nudity on public-access television
• Capping the number of local public-access channels at 50
• Eliminate permit application process for legal ownership of a calculator
• Making Li'l Sebastian Day a legal holiday