|By Keith McDuffee from Northborough, MA, USA (Glee cast) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons|
But we have to back up first. We realized that we haven't covered this show in the last two weeks. In "Naked," the kids in Ohio put a male eye-candy calendar out in order to get money for the next competition. Rachel was offered a role that required nudity. We were astounded at the direction this episode took...and impressed. We thought it was going to be all about modern self-confidence and promote nudity for art.
Instead, one character said to another, "I think it's cool that there's a part of you that you want to keep private." Even Rachel Berry didn't take her shirt off for the part. We loved her idea to make the crew members take their shirts off too though. That was a good try and might help actors who really want to do it.
We were impressed with the wisdom here. Regardless of how you feel about actors choosing to do nude scenes, we think most of us can agree that if you are under 21, or even 25, you are probably pushing "too young" for that.
Too bad the show had to ruin the episode with the dumb McKinley plot and Love Song, which everyone is sick of after all these years, right? Also, this episode featured a duet between Rachel and Rachel. Eye roll.
We weren't impressed with most of the songs, but Let Me Love You improved on the original to us, mostly because there was actual singing, it was sweet, and it wasn't as bathed in whiny autotune as the original. We still hate songs with lyrics about insecure dumbass bitches who need a man to help them know their own worth though. It was sweet to see the kids encourage Sam and write him a video essay.
Then, last week, there was Diva. Sigh. At least the writers know who Maria Callas is. That makes us hate them less. This was the one where Kurt challenged Rachel to a completely unrealistic sing-off in order to knock her down a peg. Unrealistic because a) who has a secret underground singing fight club, even in Pitch Perfect? It's not believable. And b) because Rachel clearly outsang Kurt. We are huge Les Mis fans, but we always thought that particular song was horribly overrated. Javert's suicide tops it, every time. Unless it's Russell Crowe doing it.
We're glad Rachel's ego is once again under control though. Santana moves in with Kurt and Rachel after butchering Girl on Fire. Not that it's a classic, but Santana's voice lacks any depth, which is what you need for a song that has the singer on full-belt for most of the chorus and bridge. Tina stalks Blaine some more and then wins some inane diva contest.
Finn sees Emma freaking out and inexplicably kisses her, leaving her stunned. We could not care less about Santana trying to make Brittany jealous. We liked "She's Mine" a little though. We didn't download anything from Diva.
And now for this week. It's getting annoying to see characters who are obviously not singing move their mouths. We're talking specifically of Santana in the scene where she and Quinn are going into their hotel room. Can this show pull a Les Mis and have the kids start singing live as they act? Because that would improve everything. Even if the singing wasn't perfect, it would feel more real.
Onto the action. Who gets married on Valentine's Day? Gross people, that's who. Of course Will would get married on the 14th. Emma? Not so much. Shocker number one was that she ditched the wedding after her anxiety got the best of her. It's understandable and forgivable, UNLESS she ditched because of the Finn kiss, which she probably didn't. Moving along. Sue coming down the aisle instead of Emma was a great joke, as were all her wedding antics. She was funny in this episode, for once.
What else? Everyone gets laid! Well, except Jake and Marley, which we kind of liked. She really isn't read, you know, being an idiot and everything. She's adorable, but come on. Still, this couple didn't escape shocker-ville. Marley figures out that all Jake's romantic Valentine's Day ideas were coming from Ryder, and then he says something painfully romantic and kisses her. Team Ryder even though, you know, bro's before ho's. That was weasely and manipulative of Ryder. In real life, he'd be a traitorous devil.
The biggest surprise of the night for us was Santana and Quinn having sex. Yes, you read that right. Quinn experimented and probably did it again. We have always thought Quinn and Rachel would make a good romantic pairing, so we're excited to see Quinn's gay side. We've always wanted that girl with girls. Let's face it...when she gets with guys, things don't go well.
Artie had sex with New Wheelchair Girl from The Glee Project who we always thought was annoying. She, predictably, plays "the mean girl" the producers always saw her as. Was anyone screaming for a thin-voiced love interest for Artie? No. When they finally do a full duet, we're going to want to tear our ears off.
Kurt and Blaine revisited old territory, of course, and then stayed broken up. Kurt and Tina's "confrontation" over her being a Vapo-raping Hag (Ha!) was an episode highlight. Give it up, Blaine.
Finally, Rachel sits and waits for pregnancy test results. Unless it's a positive, there is no reason for the show to fiddle with it, so now we're going to see a Glee character get an abortion for the first time. Please, we all knew it was coming. We just didn't know it would be Rachel.
We won't see this show again until March 7, and we are left with many questions: Is Brody some kind of gigolo or drug dealer? Rachel, what is "airplane belly?" Why are all the characters that annoyed us so much in high school tolerable young adults now? Will there ever be a truly downloadable song again?
"Naked" grade: B-
"Diva" grade: D+
"I Do" grade: B+