Two weeks of Modern Family, Parks and Rec, and newcomer Mockingbird Lane

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Modern Family- Open House of Horrors and Yard Sale
Last year, Modern Family didn't have a Halloween episode. We are of the opinion that every TV show, dramas included, should have a Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas episode. Maybe even a New Years one too. Who can forget the Friends episode where Ross and Monica did The Routine? There's golden stuff there. This Modern Family episode had the most enjoyable Claire material in weeks. THis episode made us wish the show was just about her, Phil, Alex, Luke, and Haley. Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while knows that we are LGBT friendly and not racist, so it's not because of those things that we say the "traditional" family's plots and jokes are just more enjoyable. They are funnier.

Manny is pretty funny too. We wish the show was just that family and Manny was the next door neighbor friend of Luke's. Of course, Gloria chasing the kids was pretty amusing (YOU PUT EGG ON MY HOUSE, I KILL WHAT YOU LOVE), as was Jay's attempt to talk his way out of a ticket. We also thought Lily was more tolerable last week. Last night, the funniest thing was Alex's gay boyfriend. Gloria having (and marrying) a puppet was the runner up. There are still jokes in this show, but they aren't to be found in Cam and Mitchell's bickering, Claire being uptight, or Gloria mispronouncing words. As long as the show stays away from those things, we'll like it.
Episode grades: A- and B-

Parks and Recreation- Halloween Surprise
We should have waited for the director's cut to watch this episode, but we didn't, and it wasn't good enough to watch the whole thing again for four minutes. Still, it was good. We are SO SO glad that April and Ben are done in D.C. and now Leslie and Ben are engaged. That needed to happen for the sake of this season. We didn't think the proposal scene was that great, although it was surprising. It didn't beat Jim and Pam's wordless engagement scene on The Office. Still, it was sweet. The Ron Swanson plot wasn't as funny as it could have been, but we liked when Leslie tried to auction Ann off. She needed to track down that hottie who was bidding. Jerry having a heart attack wasn't that funny, but we're glad that Tom seems to finally have a good business idea. There was no new episode last night.
Episode grade: B+

Mockingbird Lane was a B, but you guys know there's only one episode of that show and it hasn't been picked up, right? That's why the network just wanted to burn it off for Halloween. Still, not bad. Pretty funny. We don't think it would be something we'd want to watch much more of though.

Yesterday's, Today (Supernatural, Arrow, Nashville, American Horror Story )

By Ewen Roberts from San Diego, CA, United States [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Supernatural- Blood Brother
If we were to describe the contents of this episode to you -- Benny's backstory, Dean creatively killing vampires, flashback to Castiel, Dean ditching Sammy for the case-of-the-week, Sam finding out about Benny, Dean being an awesome friend, betrayal, and allusions to Hemingway -- you might be fooled into thinking this was a good week. Not so. Aside from the completely unoriginal episode title, this episode was extremely boring, especially in the first half. It took Benny way to long to tell Dean his story in the car. By the time they got to Benny's maker's house, the episode was more than 20 minutes in. That's right, a phone call and a drive took that long. At least the look on Sam's face right before the credits was hilarious.
Episode grade: C

Arrow- An Innocent Man
Finally, we have an episode that was as fun as the pilot. The last two episodes had us bored and worried, but this one was serviceable entertainment, mostly thanks to its surprising ending. What an idiot! He needs to change BEFORE he goes on illegal killing sprees. Duh. We like Laurel's cop dad. We're starting to root for him. The truth is, in this show, Oliver doesn't seem that necessary. We don't get the sense that the police are incompetent or corrupt, like in Gotham. They've already caught Arrow, right? They can't be that bad, and Detective Lance doesn't seem corrupt. He keeps making us with the next book of The Dresden Files was out already...

We cringe whenever this show deals with legal matters. Having Laurel be an attorney was a poor choice for a show that already walks the line between believable and ridiculous. That judge would have stayed the execution with evidence like that. We finally realized where we'd seen Oliver's sister before. She's Agnes from Gossip Girl, the model who burned Jenny's dress collection. She's so pretty. Those cheekbones. We watch her and then fondle our own cheekbones (okay, fat cheeks) in the mirror, cursing the Lord (not really, we love him). We also saw a familiar face from Doctor Who.
Episode grade: B

Nashville- We Live in Two Different Worlds
Gunnar and Scarlett's music is so impressive that Ern, the blogger who doesn't like country music, has downloaded two of their songs. Rayna and Juliette's songs suck a bag of d***s though. This week was heavy on the drama, but at least it split Rayna and Deacon up for good. Our main complaint with this show right now is that there's no tension for the viewer and little direction. Where are we going with this? What are the stakes? Peggy and Teddy are either boning or involved in bad business together. We hope it has to do with his financial troubles because an affair would be an easy out for Rayna, and the show needs to conflict. We're having trouble tolerating Scarlett's speaking voice. She just seems like such a doormat, wet-blanket, girly-girl, twit. Nut up and dump Avery. He's a douche.
Episode grade: B

American Horror Story- Nor'easter
So, that ending ruined our lives. Ern is rarely scared by entertainment and can count the times fiction scared her on Mickey Mouse's hand. However, Ern must admit that mutilation is a good way to at least disturb. That was horrifying. Still, we've been desensitized by previous mutilation on the screen (The Last King of Scotland). Poor, poor Shelly. We blame that demon in Sister Eunice. Dr. Arden is the most messed-up person in the whole joint, bar none. Talk about Madonna/Whore issues. Talk about issues with women. What we wouldn't give to have a flashback where we meet his mother. Kit, Grace, and Lana should have kept running past the nasties. Sure, there was a storm, but Briarcliff is hell. We'd take hurricane Sandy over that place.
Episode grade: A-

The Vampire Diaries- The Five

Okay, so we're not nuts about how repetitive this show is getting. We feel like we've seen these plots before. We need gamechangers. Maybe for a few characters to leave Mystic Falls again. Maybe a major death or pairings shakeup. Maybe a better new villain. Hopefully this professor can serve that purpose... We don't need him teaching Bonnie to do more magic though. Bonnie can already do pretty much everything. Plus, all the magic gives the show an easy out. The show needs to nix the witches so people have to live with the consequences of death and other things.

We kind of figured that somehow Elena would get cured. Now it's a certainly. Oh, how dull. If the show wants to win back our respect, it will make Damon or someone surprising back into a human and keep Elena as a vampire. Of course the season is going to be spent looking for a magical object, just like past seasons have spent time looking for weapons. The show needs to stop making Rebekah pathetic. The show needs to stop it with the Super Compassionate Elena Commentary On Why She's Jesus. She realized that she didn't want to be like Damon in the span of one episode, and that's a problem. She just wants to cry on Stefan's shoulder.

We thought Elena turning into a vampire might make her bad ass, but we guess you can't be a sweet, likable heroine and still take care of yourself/rip off heads, right? The show needs to bring back the emotions. We didn't feel anything this week. We didn't like judge-y Bonnie ruining Elena's fun at the party, but we did like Elena choosing to feed on Roofie Boy. Vampire vigilante? Yes, please. That would be a great place to take the Elena character. We bet it was just for this week though, and she'll just keep mooning over the brothers.

If we were Bonnie, we would've been more concerned that no vampire ever seems able to wipe their mouths after a feeding on this show. You have sleeves, guys. So, Caroline is a genius and "too good" at self-control. We're glad that someone on the show finally mentioned that she should teach Elena. But because wisdom wouldn't interesting to watch, Elena shoots Stefan's idea down. Ugh. Klaus was annoying this week, and we usually like him. At least he'll be in Italy looking for a sword for a while, right? We miss Katherine. And Elijah. We know we saw him in a flashback, but it was all too brief and we want to see him in the present. And where was Caroline this week?

This is one of our favorite shows, and it was unbelievably good for 2.5 years. You're better than this, TVD!!!!
Episode grade: C+

Breaking Swift parody

For caught-up Breaking Bad fans (the only kind of Breaking Bad fans there should be, by the way).

Three Halloween comedies (Mindy, New Girl, Happy Endings), and no Parenthood

The Mindy Project- Halloween
We're still waiting for this show to get good. We give dramas five episodes, but we try to give new comedies longer. That's because comedies take a while to find their best tone most of the time. Examples include Sex and the City, Parks and Recreation, and Awkward. You judge comedies most fairly around episodes 7-10. We like that this episode brought back Josh, but he wasn't that memorable, so it took us a while to place him. We'll remember him now. We can't believe he hasn't seen The Princess Bride. What a reject. Our favorite thing about this episode was the DMV plotline. It's hard to pull of a good molestation joke, but last night did it. This wasn't the worst episode so far. But the show needs to flesh out its supporting characters and tone in the next couple of weeks.
Episode grade: B-

New Girl- Halloween
Jess punching Nick as payback is an example of something that works perfectly on TV, but would never happen in real life. It would be awkward and slightly abusive. Funnily enough, people get punched jumping out at people in haunted houses all the time. Tons of people do karate, which aims to rewire you to react differently when scared or attacked. Namely, the punch. Most karate students drop out before black belt, but it doesn't take long for them to get the punching reaction. Ern's brother punched someone in a haunted house. It's a hazard. We loved Sam in this episode. We are so so so bummed that he didn't want to go out with Jess. Maybe he'll miss her! Maybe there's hope!

That redhead Nick crushed on is so pretty. We've seen her in a lot before. Thank God Winston and Shelby are over. She's not funny. It was good of the episode to give Winston a story and some decent screentime this week. Keep that up, show. We feel bad for Robbie, who is funny. Obviously, CeCe and Schmidt are going to hook up again, and then they will ruin their relationship immediately thereafter. But Robbie is a cool guy. We laughed at all the Abe Lincoln stuff. We do think about him a lot....Probably not every day though. Overall, this was a funny episode. Nick screaming at the clown in the haunted house made our lives. He's a good screamer.
Episode grade: B+

Happy Endings- Sabado Free-Gante
This show gets lower ratings than it deserves. Anything that can redeem Elisha Cuthbert for a former 24 fan (Ern) has to be amazeballs, right? Well, it is. Maybe the episode didn't get watched because of the lame commercial that only showed their pain-in-the-ass-lookin' Halloween costume. Most of the episode didn't feature Halloween or that physical gag, which would have gotten tiring if the show kept it up more than the three minutes it actually did. Jane at the car dealership was gold. Alex and Dave took the silver with their denial ("It's definitely haunted.") For us, Brad and Max got the bronze (worst storyline) trying to get free things on a Saturday. We find Penny a little too cartoonish compared to the rest of the gang, so the show might want to watch that. Other than that, this episode was funny and people should watch this show.
Episode grade: B

Downton Abbey is good, Revolution frustrates, The Good Wife needs to move onto better stories, and 666 Park Avenue just lost us

Revolution- Sex and Drugs
Terrible episode title, even worse episode. It looked like something was about to happen after Danny's arrival at Monroe's camp. Don't get excited. He just met Monroe and hugged his mom. The group got stuck on yet another weekly side adventure. Drexel wasn't nearly as interesting or scary a leader as The Walking Dead's Governor. He was just annoying. We didn't like that Aaron was such a loser in his flashbacks. Yeah, he's not a coward now, but that doesn't make up for what he did to his wife. We knew Charlie wouldn't kill that guy. If she had, well, this would be a better show. We would have been impressed. But she's a pretty little bunny rabbit that this show is trying too hard to make us like. It keeps her from being a believable person. This show needs to speed the heck up before it loses its audience.
Episode grade: C

Downton Abbey- Season three, episode seven
This episode was happier than the last two weeks, which mostly dealt with Sybil's death. It was understandable that the show didn't jump back into light-hearted plot lines though. Branson and Sybil's baby is gorgeous. We've hardly ever seen a prettier baby that young. We're glad Bates is back because that subplot was devoid of tension and we didn't really care anyway. We love Mary with Branson. It's nice to see her sweet side. It's also cool to see her side with Matthew and not her father on running Downton. When you get married, that's what you have to do.

Thomas's homosexuality wasn't treated as a creepy joke in this episode. The show made him seem like a lonely guy who got confused, rather than some villainous predator. It's a good move for the show politically, but since it's gotten us to hate Thomas, it's sad that we can't rejoice at his bad fortune. The aftermath of the event made him too sympathetic. We love to hate him, but the show isn't going to let us hate him. We love City Edith! She's smart, confident, and likable. Hopefully this leads to Edith finding her place in the world. The episode's ending was hilarious. We can't believe there's only one episode left in the season. How will we stand the wait?
Episode grade: B

666 Park Avenue- A Crowd of Demons
Alright, we're bored with this show. It's just a compilation of supernatural incidents with little overarching plots, almost no likable characters, and snoozy pacing. It's been five episodes. That's how many we usually give our new shows. If by some miracle it becomes a hit, we'll catch up and watch it again. Our time is valuable, even though we watch this much TV.
Episode grade: C-

The Good Wife- Waiting for the Knock
So far, this season has been fine, but it isn't as good as last year. All of the episodes have been well made, but nothing has peaked our interest to the point where we are holding our breaths waiting for the next episode. We think it's because there's nothing going on that we care about, even though the episodes are good. This episode continues that streak of disappointing serviceability. Sadly, Kalinda's husband is still around, and he's still taking the show to a stupid place. We don't like Lana either. We ship Kalinda and Cary. No, wait, we don't.

We love Cary and we're not nuts about Kalinda. We ship her and no one. Cary and someone awesome who has not yet been seen on the show. Or Cary and Diane. Yeahhhhhh. We don't care about the girl lying about sleeping with Peter, his campaign, or that story. We don't care about Maddie and Alicia's friendship much either. The only tolerable thing about all that is Eli, who we will never stop loving. Eli and Kalinda? We don't care about the firm. We know it will be saved because there would be no show without it. Only the cases of the week can get us to tear our eyeballs away from our phones. This one wasn't the best, but it was pretty good. Lamond has a cute kid.
Episode grade: B-

Ern reads every Stephen King book. Post 1: Carrie

That is a picture of me and Stephen King. If you follow me on tumblr, you've already seen it. I got to meet him for my high school graduation present. My mom told me I was going to get lame senior pictures professionally done. I was less than enthused...until we got to our destination and Stephen King lived there. (Don't worry, Mom's at-the-time boyfriend knew him; we would never stalk King. He likes his privacy and I can respect that.) Well done, Mom. I know it was a sacrifice for her to not get those senior pics. I was so stunned. I could only mutter, "I really loved the Dark Tower books." He was very nice and humble. Best day ever. I was really grateful. 

This is my first time reading Carrie. From seeing half of the Sissy Spacek movie and hearing the ending, I felt like I knew the story and didn't need to read it. I skimmed it once in the library. But I've been wanting to go over all King's books this year. I've read a lot of them already, and there are some I need to read because they tie into the wonderful Dark Tower series. Carrie, to my knowledge, does not, but it was a good read anyway. You felt sympathy for nearly all the characters, especially Carrie. The writing is good, especially for a fourth (first published) novel. King was ashamed of this book and threw its first scene away, but his wife, Tabitha, wisely dug it out of the garbage.

I can see how it was shocking and progressive for its time. Stephen King has a problem with religious radicals (as do we all). This book has been banned several times, which is a shame because its rawness and tragedy would speak to high school and middle school students. There is talk of sex and lots of rated-R language, but kids hear those things every day in real school. I think it could combat the bullying "epidemic" by making people feel compassion for a mostly unlovable girl. King's ability to write inside the head of a suffering teenage girl is impressive. It's extremely believable. Carrie was based on a combination of two of King's classmates and Cinderella. Cinderella gone wrong. One of King's Carrie-based classmates killed herself as an adult. He was also likely influenced by his time as an English teacher.

This book made me excited for the movie remake. I can see how it can be truly terrifying. Its star compared it to Black Swan and said that sometimes in the movie, we won't know what's real and what's not real. While the old movie is a classic, in this day-and-age, the story can be told better. I'm not sure about Chloe as Carrie because she's very thin. Carrie is supposed to be a pretty girl whose looks are ruined by zits, glasses, and a few extra pounds, as well as a downcast demeanor caused by years of abuse. Why are the movies and TV shows so afraid of casting girls who aren't obese but are also not thing? 30 Rock joked once that there was no place on TV for someone of a normal weight. It's true. At least Chloe has the dirty-blonde hair color, and we love that she's a real teen.

Should you read this book? If you're in middle or high school, absolutely. If you enjoy horror, sure. This isn't my favorite book of his, and the plot isn't terribly strong. But it will get you in the heart, and you'll remember it. I'm going to grade these books in comparison with other Stephen King books, not books in general. King is very good with words, so most of his books are better than everything else in his genre (although he switches genres often). It's boring to give everything an A+. I tend to read a couple Stephen King books a year. I enjoy them and didn't want to use them all up. But it's time to get to them all. 

Book grade: B-

Next is Salem's Lot.

Book Reviews- The Diviners by Libba Bray

When we were younger, we read A Great and Terrible Beauty by this author, and we were underwhelmed. It was alright, but we didn't want to continue reading Bray's work. Everything in that book seemed to fizzle. But we gave this new series a chance, and man are we glad we did. Libba hasn't run out of ideas; she's gotten better ones. She's improved as a writer as well. This book reminded us of Stephen King for young adults. Some of the descriptions, the violence, the scary parts, and the characterization were reminiscent of King's best work. Coming from us, that's a huge compliment. We think he's a prolific writer. Bray's advantage is that her story is a little more interesting than evil clowns or dogs.

This book is long, but it left us wanting more. We read it in three days. We loved all the characters. We respected Bray's refusal to stray from hard topics, such as abortion, euthanasia, and fanaticism. One of the best things about this book was its main character, Evie O'Neill. Evie was not your typical YA heroine. We were getting sick of clumsy, insecure girls with hearts of gold and introverted tendencies. Evie is clever, funny, deceptive, stylish, brave, and troublesome.

She's good looking, and she knows it, thank God. She wants attention. She's BLONDE. She acts selfishly and impulsively. She's the sort of girl other girls are supposed to hate, but she's a breath of fresh air after all the Bella Swan lookalikes in teen fiction. The only annoying thing about her is she overuses certain hip-for-the-time phrases. We could sympathize with Evie's inability to follow the rules and be a "nice girl" who never ruffles feathers. She's not a YA cliche. She's Regina George if Regina had a cool power and wasn't mean to people.

The book is set in the 1920s, and the details of the time period are well-researched and convincing. The story involves supernatural elements and, of course, there are a few love stories, but they are believable and you can get into them. We definitely prefer Jericho to Sam. We like all the characters though. This book has plenty of reveals about each character because they all have secrets. The book didn't give us all the answers though, so we are already drooling for the sequel. There wasn't a wasted sentence in the whole thing. If Bray keeps this quality up, she'll have the next Big Thing in teen fiction, guaranteed.
Book grade: A

Back to blogging: Once Upon a Time, Dexter, Homeland, The Walking Dead, Revenge (x2)

By Keith McDuffee (Michael C. Hall) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Homeland- Q&A
When Breaking Bad ends, this is the show we will tell people is "the best show on TV." So, if you're not watching it, we don't know what you're waiting for. If you're on this blog, you obviously like TV. Get after it. For those of us lucky enough to turn in last night, we were treated to a well-acted, eventful hour. We weren't nuts over Carrie's overt confessions of love. For some reason, we like when that love is angsty, physical, and unspoken. It's kind of a soap-opera, contrived element to have Carrie be in love with this terrorist, her main suspect.

We also didn't like Finn running over the woman and leaving. If he had stopped, his daddy would have just paid the woman's medical bills. But hitting and then running is a big deal. Idiot. Most of the episode took place in the interrogation room. We were salivating during the whole thing. We couldn't believe the show was giving us these moments this soon in the series, let alone the season. Carrie did perfectly, and we were right to like the genius, cutie new guy, Peter Quinn. Can Carrie fall in love with him instead? He's way more deserving. We like that Carrie attempted to turn Brody instead of wear him down. This was another game changer.
Episode grade: A+

Revenge- "Intuition" and "Forgiveness"
In last week's episode, Aiden sneaks off to confront Kara, but she knocks him out and ties him up. It takes him most of the episode to free himself, but he's hot, so that's okay. He gets back to Amanda's just in time to hug her when she's crying, because she's upset. In other news, Nolan isn't gay. What. In this week's episode, Amanda pushes Aiden away, so he conspires with Daniel to oust Conrad and make Daniel the boss. Hopefully this leads to more adorable fighting, rife with sexual tension.
Episode grades: B+ and C+

Once Upon a Time- The Doctor
Whale is revealed! And no one would ever have guessed that it was Dr. Frankenstein, right? Did they just plan that for Halloween? That's not even a fairytale. We don't mind this show dipping from different pools though. It's can't just be all Disney. We already have Disney, and those stories are pretty great. We've got a "man of science, man of magic" dynamic going here? That was more interesting on LOST. It was awesome how Daniel ripped Whale's arm off. Take that, family friendly limitations! It's time for this show to get a little oogier.

This episode wasn't the norm for this show, and we're not sure how we feel about that. We're really liking Hook. He could get to be an interesting grey-area character. He's capable of love, but also evil. Those are the best guys in entertainment. Make him Byronic, show. We don't like that Regina is trying to not use magic at all. Magic is just a tool; it's not evil in itself, even in the universe of this show. What matters is what you do with it.
Episode grade: B

Dexter- Swim Deep
Well, we have another good one. Hannah enjoys murder. Maybe she's the right match for Dexter after all? Unfortunately, she doesn't kill for righteousness, and it looks like she's going to be Dexter's next target. Naw, he'll probably start out hunting her and end up banging her. We could use a season of Dexter trying to reform a fellow serial killer. That's something we haven't yet seen. We like Quinn, but it may be time for him to die. He's sticking his neck into danger and taking money again. This show has too many side cops. We can't believe Dexter landed Isaak behind bars. We love when our main characters act cleverly. Isn't it annoying when characters get themselves into trouble by thinking beneath their expected intelligence level?

Poor LaGuerta should have kept hating and distrusting Deb. Good news for us though...actually, we think it would be cool if the show ended with Dexter getting caught. It was a great moment when Deb emphatically declared Doakes to be a good man. She really knows. The cursing in the elevator was hilarious and so Deb. Her behavior this season has gotten her back in our good books. We're so happy about this season. We can now forget last year ever happened. Nothing important really happened either. If anyone watches it, they can just skip last year.
Episode grade: A

The Walking Dead- The Call from the Governor
Speaking of show comebacks, after two years of stereotypical characters, annoying kids, boring talky episodes, and no direction, this show has become what we want. It's taking steps toward being a genuinely great show. This stuff with the Governor could not be better. He's creepy, evil, power-hungry, possibly complicated and loving (his picture of his family) and he KEEPS FREAKING ZOMBIE HEADS IN AQUARIUMS IN A ROOM. Splitting into two groups is good for the show because when things get too bleak over in the main group, we can go into this totally different, equally interesting storyline with Andrea and Michonne.

We're glad we got an explanation as to why Michonne toted the zombies around. Michonne is still shrouded in mystery, which is good. We hope the backstory is worth the wait. We love her already, even though we know almost nothing about her except that she's bad ass. Soooo Merle's back. He's probably still racist, but he didn't act racist toward his fellow black soldiers and Michonne. He's being charming (for Merle), but we bet he's in for a bloody death this season. This season hasn't had a stinker of an episode yet. We're starting to trust it. We're glad we started watching it again.
Episode grade: A

Late-in-the-week dramas- Grey's, Scandal, Supernatural, TVD, and Arrow. None were Halloween themed. :-(

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Grey's Anatomy- I Saw Her Standing There
Cristina sleeping with her boss made us so sad. Even though there's been an abortion, cheating, choking, and moving far away, we hadn't really accepted that she and Owen were over. We don't like when marriages break up, even if they are fictional. (You should have seen Ern's tumblr after Amy Poehler and Will Arnett broke up.) We still think C/O will get back together after a while. Cristina sticking up for Dr. Feeny and helping him was one of the best things about this episode. We love when she shows her heart and loyalty to her friends. Age discrimination sucks. We understand that continuing education in medicine is important, but he hadn't made a mistake yet. We love them as best friends.

When she leaves the hospital to go back to Seattle Grace (something that MUST happen), can she take Feeny with her? Cristina's time at the Mayo Clinic has been way more entertaining and relevant than we could ever have imagined, but it needs to end eventually. After everything this show has done with penises, we didn't even blink at the nut elephantiasis. Arizona's prosthetics fitter is just the thing she needed. Tough love from someone who is not her wife or Alex is going to be good for her. We hope to see more of him. It's time for her to crawl out of that anger hole she's sitting in. Avery and April are still happening. Owen is in a dark place again. We know this because a) he moved into Derek's trailer and b) he's Owen.
Episode grade: A-

Scandal- Beltway Unbuckled
Ugh. We hated Fitz giving up on Olivia. We, like her, thought it would be a good thing. We've been rooting for him to give Mellie another chance, even though she's horrible. Now, we realized we were wrong. We chuckled when Mellie told the president that he was still having wet dreams about Olivia Pope. Yeah...we'd kick him out of bed too. The Jenny case reminded us of something we've been seeing on tumblr: lack of sympathy over a death when the girl was a slut. Fortunately, people still wanted justice, even though Jenny enjoyed sex with powerful men. Does that mean the only thing people hate more than sluts are foreigner's. Possible.

The storyline where Abby is turning on Olivia, falling in love with David, and helping him with his Beautiful Mind wall is fantastic. It could go anywhere, and it could get rid of a normally useless, judgmental character we hate (Abby). It looks like the baddies are going to be Big Oil. Snooze. How typical. We bet all these writers use oil in their daily lives. Oil companies aren't heroes or anything, but demonizing them is hypocritical. We all profit from that. Huck is five seconds from becoming a full-on Dexter Morgan. He's gonna need to give that six-month chip back. Can this end well?
Episode grade: B-

The Vampire Diaries- The Rager
We love hateful, rage-filled Elena. When she vamped out at Rebekah in the bathroom in the beginning, we were so pleased. Nina has a good monster face. It's still cute, but it gets the job done. We still think Caroline should train Elena, but Damon is the next best choice. Stefan doesn't know what he's doing. He's the worst at handling being a vampire. We'd rather be Damon than a ripper, just sayin'. Stefan can't even lighten up without risking major backsliding. So Tyler cheated on Caroline, huh? Not a surprise. Klaroline shippers, rejoice!

One of us has never liked Tyler. Never ever. Klaus is a much better option. He can take the Caroline character arc to more interesting places. We don't blame Tyler. It would be hard for a guy to pass up Phoebe Tonkin. We hated the fake out where Rebekah pulled Matt's heart out. Why would they make us watch that? Not cool, show. We love hottie Matt. The ships are everywhere this week. Matt and Elena met at their old makeout spot, there was tenderness between Caroline and Stefan, Klaus fed Elena, and Meredith has to end up with someone now that Alaric is dead, right?
Episode grade: B+

Arrow- Lone Gunmen
This show needs to do something more serialized, quick. We aren't digging the superhero revenge procedural. We keep wishing this show were about Oliver's more interesting best friend. We're glad Tommy and Laurel made it official. We meet and then say goodbye to a frenemy, Deadshot, who is also killing evil, rich people, but Oliver doesn't want help. The police bumble around again, finding and doing nothing. Some parents really don't know that kids crave discipline and structure. They may be yelling at you and whining, but deep down inside, they feel safe and loved when you enforce rules. Maybe Thea can stop being an a**hole now. We're not holding our breath. HOW DOES OLIVER SPEAK RUSSIAN?!! The best thing about this episode was Dig finding out Oliver's secret. We were mostly bored during this hour though. We only want to see island stuff if it's going to be more interesting than this week's.
Episode grade: C+

Supernatural- Bitten
The found-footage episode they've been teasing was pretty fun. We liked seeing Sam and Dean as side characters, cropping up randomly and being themselves. We loved the kids spying on the brothers and commenting ("awesome"). They thought Sam and Dean were a couple too, tee hee. This episode reminded us of the excellent, smart, and entertaining movie, Chronicle, which you must see if you haven't. The movie was better than this episode, but this was one of the more entertaining Supernatural episodes in recent memory. We're glad Sam and Dean got to show a little mercy, for once. We call shenanigans on the fact that Brian was perfectly hot and could totally have gotten laid. One of our major pet peeves with TV is that nerds and losers are usually adorable and would be cool in real life. Give us real geeks! We're still liking this season a lot more than the last one.
Episode grade: B

Revenge back on this blog weekly

So, Ern has decided to watch Revenge with Leeard again. We saw the most recent episode, and Ern decided Aiden is really hot, and he has a great chemistry with Amanda that she didn't share with the other guys. Ern wants to see more of this. We'll review two episodes Monday to make up for this week.

Basically, we will watch shows we otherwise hate for hot guys.

This has been proven time and time again.

Here are Nashville and AHS. The other posts and tomorrow's posts might be late....it's Halloween weekend!!

American Horror Story- Tricks and Treats
Well, it's safe to say we can never watch Babe again and look at James Cromwell the same way. The guy is seriously cracked, and we're grateful the prostitute escaped. Adam Levine is gone, after all the buzz about having him on the show. That was quick. Clea DuVall was also murdered by Bloody Face, who clearly isn't Kit, since he was locked up. We are sad to see both of them go, but happy the show isn't opposed to taking important lives in the second episode. We are fans of fast pacing. We rolled our eyes at the episode's kinky ending though. Oh Ryan Murphy, you would.

That exorcism was one of the most unsettling we've ever seen, so bravo. Also, it was great to see that Sister Jude backstory. It definitely sheds light on the way she is and makes her more interesting. Now the demon is in sister Eunice. We finally met Zachary Quinto's human psychologist. We suspect he's in for a dark fate. He's right about most things, but not the exorcism. That possession was legit. We want more background on the nympho, Shelly. Chloe is doing a good job, but when she talks, she reminds us of Velma Kelly in the Chicago musical movie. Not as scary this week, but still entertaining.
Episode grade: B+

Nashville- Someday You'll Call My Name
We want to reiterate: You don't have to be interested in country music to enjoy this show. Singing in a studio can be hard if you're not used to it. Singing live, you focus on power and hitting the notes right the first time. In the studio, it's more about tone and emotion. You don't have to be loud at all. Habit tells you to hit big notes though. Scarlett's problems seemed to be more mental thought. Ugh, we know that Juliette was going through emotional turmoil, but we hate that she stole something from a store. That's the dumbest thing privileged girls do. Just when she gets sympathetic, the show makes her unintelligent again. We have to give this show props for its original music, which is a lot better than the original music on smash. Everything Scarlett and Gunnar sing is pure gold.

We're surprised that Juliette opened up so much to Deacon. While competing with Rayna and admiring his talent seemed to draw her in, we think she has real feelings for him now. She turned off the vixen charm and got vulnerable. We kind of wish he had said yes to her tour. We welcome the return of the drug-addled mom. It could bring some good drama, and Hayden can sure cry well. Even when she does her "ugly cry face," she doesn't look ugly. Lamar needs to learn to be nicer to people. There's nothing worse than a guy who is bitter toward women (the other way around sucks too). Rayna's little girls are such adorable little singers. We liked their harmony-laden version better than the original. Avery posing as a good boyfriend just to meet Mr. White is going to backfire.
Episode grade: B+

New Girl and Happy Endings bring laughs, Parenthood brings tears (as usual)

New Girl- Models
This episode took on a relatable subject: What happens when friends change and you feel like you don't have much in common anymore? Plotwise, nothing happened, moved forward, or cropped up. There was no new side to any character and no development. However, this episode was hilarious. We loved the jokes about butt drinking and bra stuffing, the Russian monkey cartoon, and Nadia saying "YOLO." Can that die please? Whoever said that's just "carpe diem" for idiots was so right. The Russians are racist toward Romanians! Ha. Jess's physical comedy when she was modeling didn't work for us; we hate when Jess is turned into a stupid incompetent who can't do anything but be cute and clumsy. Idiot Jess hasn't made an appearance in a while. Here's hoping the show learns to retire her and bring Smart, Dorky Jess back around forever. We love all forms of Nick. He was great in this episode.
Episode grade: B+

Parenthood- I'll Be Right Here
THIS IS A HOUSE OF LIES. They didn't tell Haddie about her mom's remaining cancer. Although we get them wanting her to stay in school, they could really use her help with the baby, and it's just a semester. Also, Haddie will find out and trust will be broken. Does this season just exist to make us cry? Amber and her new boy don't have a whole lot of chemistry, but the awkwardness of their first date and its aftermath was realistic and comforting. There's nothing like dating to send a lot of people to the chocolate cake and television (just ask this blogger, who finds the whole thing just painful). Amber was a lot better with that politician, but we're not averse to this new relationship. We like that Ryan was direct, and Amber took it well.

We are so glad that Max won his election. This show has improved since the first season on its treatment of Asperger's. When Max was first diagnosed, his parents mourned like he was dying and talked about how there was something wrong with him. While we know it can't be easy to have a child who doesn't seem to connect with you on the level that a "normal" child does, we sort of cringed at the idea that Max was defective. It takes all types to run a world. In Max's speech, he recognized the things about his personality that work for him. He doesn't like to lie and he's focused. There are aspects of that condition that can be advantages, just like there are things that make it hard in lots of situations. That's why you learn coping skills, not to think of your entire personality as some disorder. We'll get off the soapbox and back to Max now. He expressed happiness at being the way he is. It was perfect. Look out world, here come the vending machines.

We are glad Crosby didn't forget the dinner. We are just now starting to not hate him, and that would have put us over the edge. We feel like Julia and Joel constantly get the shaft on this show. We bet if you took the screen time of all four main siblings and added it up, Julia's screen time would be the least. We don't know how we're feeling about Sarah and Mark lately. Drew is a whiner, so who cares about him right now. We're questioning whether that couple is even good together anymore. What do they even talk about besides spur-of-the-moment plans to co-habitate and/or procreate? Give us more Hank.
Episode grade: A-

Happy Endings- Cazsh Dummy Spillionaires
Ah, Happy Endings. The best show about six friends since Friends. In the premiere, Alex and Dave decide to be exclusive and accept that they are a serious couple, Jane finds out that Brad is secretly working, and Max "misery's" Penny in order to get a date, but she busts him. But this show isn't about plot; it's about the zingers, wordplay, fast jokes, and quirky tone. The dialogue is fast, and the characters are likable. We're glad Penny is out of the half-body cast. That would have gotten old if it went on for more than one episode. Also, the puppet thing is better left to GOB on Arrested Development. Oh, Franklin... The episode was alright. It wasn't as funny as most of this show's efforts, but there was nothing too wrong with it. We thought it was dumb when Brad took his briefcase in the bath though (unless it's waterproof).
Episode grade: B-

No Mindy Project this week.

Pretty Little Liars- This is a Dark Ride

By JJ Duncan http://www.zimbio.com (Ashley Benson) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Even if we could forget that PLL was having its Halloween special this week, we'd be reminded when the blog's stats doubled. Y'all love you some PLL, and we don't blame you. We need to update that summary...We don't know about you guys, but we would totally go out with the guy who pretended to be dead-and-buried Alison. Since the agreement was to dress up as a character from a movie, it's perfectly reasonable for Hanna to think Aria was Daisy from the movie and not the book. Also, Aria doesn't think it's okay to play dress up for her man when it's not Halloween? Wow, you're a lucky man, Ezra. Costumes? Yeah, no, that's too far. What WILL she do then? Teen show, teen show, stop typing. Moving on... They should have known Noel wasn't really choking because he could make noises.

Ashley was lookin' fly in that wig. Maybe short hair is a good option for her? It makes her look younger. The ghosts stuff was annoying. Ghosts aren't in the PLL mythology. It's not that kind of show. Is that even going to lead anywhere or be important? The girl was from the twins story Alison told last Halloween. Aria, this is why you never take your eyes off your drink when you're out. There might be trouble for Ezra from this night, which could be good.

Yeah...because Adam Lambert would get to Rosewood. Whatever. It's even more unrealistic that he would talk to Aria during his break and not one of the 10,000 hot guys on this show. We found out that Byron was talking to Alison the night of her death, and Jenna thinks Garrett killed Alison, but he didn't.  Garrett dies- good riddance. He was no one's favorite character. They finally found Alison's body (probably).

Yeah, Pigskin! Fighting one of the A's off of Spencer was a bamf move. Was it Toby who tried to kill Spencer? That would be so sad. Toby, she was half a virgin when she met you! Caleb makes a much better Phantom of the Opera than Mona, who is a molester of other teen girls now, apparently. Most of the costumes were pretty great. We liked them better than last year's. Spencer's was the only one that disappointed. We wanted her to be nerdier and more creative than that. Who was buried alive at the end of the episode? It could be a flashback to the night of Alison's death and a hint that she's not really dead. We'll find out in January 2013.

This show is making us want to become an A team and terrorize people this Halloween. Could be a bad idea...we'll think on it. HEY GUYS WHAT IF ADAM LAMBERT IS A. Why does this show keep ignoring our PLL one true pairing, Spencer and Wren? Aria finally being attacked puts a wrench in our "Aria is A theory." They could explain it away though. We're going back to the twin thing as our #1 theory. Aria's hair is growing back from her cute haircut. Nooooo. Please let Ezra be bad please let Ezra be bad please let Ezra be bad....

Episode grade: A- for pure, campy Halloween fun

Season 2 of Don't Trust the B

Not as good as season 1

Downton Abbey and The Good Wife. No Revolution last night :-( But PLL was tonight! :-)

Downton Abbey season three, episode six
Oh, sob, she really is dead. Last week really did happen. This is the worst thing to happen to any of our shows all year. We almost started crying when Branson wanted to name his baby Sybil so that he could "think of her mother every time he looked at her." And of course the baby should be Catholic until she's old enough to decide for herself. Raising a child in a specific faith or no faith at all is a parent's prerogative. We're with Cora; who needs ol' what's his name (the dad) anyway? Matthew could manage the house and money better, he almost cheated on his wife (ew), actually kissing is cheating so he did (double ew), he's mean to Branson, he ratted out Isobel and Ethel, and he killed Sybil. We think we have a new least-favorite character.

We love Mrs. Patmore for trying to help Ethel, and also for telling the whole kitchen, "You're all in love with the wrong people." Bah hahahaha even Violet didn't leave Isobel's dinner after her son came in and acted like an assclown. We love Violet. Branson with the baby? Does this show want us to melt and cry into our ovaries? Bates will be free. Meh. Daisy, take the offer. Oh yeah, the dad's name is Robert. Ha, that's one of our dad's names. When they cried together at the very end, we stopped hating him. A little.
Episode grade: B

The Good Wife- Don't Haze Me, Bro
Alicia messed up. She hardly ever does that. This is why drinking is sometimes a bad idea. If you're wondering whether you should say something to someone, you're not going to be able to make the best judgment call in the moment if you're drunk. Jackie is losing her mind a little? Aw. Maybe that means Alicia will want to live with Peter again to comfort him. We loved the case of the week and wish the show had spent even more time on it. Eli is hilarious. We love when he gets angry and lashes out with his little body. Fortunately, there was no drama with Kalinda and her husband this week, making this episode one of the best of the current season. We haven't seen a bad episode of this show yet, come to think of it.
Episode grade: B+

Guess Which Show Has a Smoke Monster Now? (666 Park Avenue)

By Eva Rinaldi (Rachael Taylor) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

This episode was a small improvement over last week. It was weird at the end when we were rooting for Henry to make nice with the Devil. Once again, too bad the audience knows this guy is the Devil. We're glad Annie was alive in the beginning of the episode. Her story wasn't over. The stuff with Henry's bosses being against Gavin was getting old, so it's good that's over now. We were interested in Nona earlier, and that hasn't changed. She has some mute, catatonic grandmother, a stealing problem, and she's psychic. She's actually sympathetic too, which is what this show needs.

We're glad Henry shows backbone and tries to do the right thing. Now he needs to act honorable in a way that will touch our hearts a little. That's what's going to make us care about him. Hopefully the show writers know that. If we had cared about Annie before she got shot in the face, rather than just thinking she was a dimwitted, annoying liar, that death would have been good. Having some action at that party was a good idea though. It was also nice not to see that awful, weakling playwrite.

Jane needs to realize this place is haunted or at least report the creepy little girl roaming around her apartment. There's no in-between there. Either it's real, you're crazy, or it's haunted. C.S. Lewis's Narnia books taught us that (in completely different words, of course). We found out what's inside the suitcase. A smoke monster that sometimes turns into a man. Is it sad that we loved LOST so much that this actually makes us excited? The guy he morphs into looks appropriately evil too. Good casting.

We don't care about anyone on this show, but it isn't boring, so we're still watching. We're starting to lose hope that it will stay on the air or become one of our favorites though.
Episode grade: B-

We watched Once Upon a Time, Dexter, The Walking Dead, and then Homeland. Revenge shouldn't have had to follow that.

Once Upon a Time- The Crocodile
In the first ten minutes, we knew we were going to like this one, despite its characterization problems. Belle, Rumpy, Rumpy's wife, cute preschool Bae, and guyliner-wearing Captain Hook. It was nice to see Helena Peabody from The L Word. She's so pretty. Her character, Milah, didn't totally gel for us. We liked that she regretted leaving Bae, but we need to know why she married Rumpy in the first place, and we also need a flashback episode with her where she isn't so heartless toward people she's not in lust with. Our confusion at Milah's behavior is nothing compared to our head scratching over Belle's father's antics. You can't just have people act crazy for no reason and have us believe them as characters. We don't think it was cowardly for Rumpy to turn down the duel (even though he's been cowardly in other episodes). It was smart, because if he had lost, who would raise Bae? We're glad Belle finally grew a pair. Librarian is the perfect job for her. This episode was a clever twist on the Captain Hook story, introduced a good new antagonist, and entertained us. If only Moe and Milah had acted like humans.
Episode grade: B

Dexter- Run
We didn't like the romantic feelings between Deb and Dex resurfacing, but seeing Deb bait that criminal until he confessed made us love her again. Deb was being ridiculous about the Rita stuff, and Deb's mostly upset about Dex because his condition means that he might not be able to love her. That forced suicide was so sad, but such a gripping scene. We also loved when Dexter was being chased through the rigged building by Speltzer. We are dying to know more about Hannah. The baddies are closing in. We love that Dexter has grown out of his blood slides, and Deb was "glad" that Dexter killed Speltzer. We are so happy with this show lately. What a comeback.
Episode grade: B+

Homeland- New Car Smell
WHOA. This is the action version of The Vampire Diaries. Whenever you think this show is going to drag something out, it hauls out gamechangers in the middle of seasons. This might be the biggest one so far. The previews for next week have us squealing, but let's talk about this week. Carrie is back in the game, hopefully permanently. We love the hot new guy, Peter. He's blunt and upfront, yet sympathetic and perceptive so far. Carrie will not back down, ever. Confronting him against orders was so right-on, and yet such an unwise move. We loved it though. Dana and Finn are perfect. Finally, a Finn we can get behind. This show is not afraid to change itself, move forward, and tell new stories, rather than repeat itself and keep us waiting for big, gripping scenes.
Episode grade: A+

The Walking Dead- Sick
How hilarious was it that the inmates didn't know half the world was wiped out? Hershel's daughters crying over him broke our hearts a little, so we're glad he lived. We're hoping he doesn't mope around, get all depressed about his leg, and drag everything down. It was disgusting when Carol practiced the C-Section on a walker. We guess that makes them useful for something. We're not Lori haters, believe it or not. We're kind of over people calling the AMC wives "bitches" and wishing they were dead. We're glad Rick was nice to her. It's weird to see Carl all independent and capable now, especially since he still speaks with that stilted, annoying tone so prevalent in child actors on TV. This season hasn't been boring yet! Yay!
Episode grade: B+

Revenge
We tried to watch this right after that great Homeland episode and only got 15 minutes into it. We think this show has lost its week-to-week status here. We will still watch it (it's worth watching), but we will do it five episodes at a time/let them pile up, and we'll talk about the season at the end. One of us hates this show and one of us won't blog it weekly alone.

Last Resort, previous two weeks

Eight Bells- Cortez is awesome. We can't believe she did that to save her buddy. That would be so hard. Was it right? Nothing about that situation was right. But wow. Hopefully it was just a beej. Anyway, there are lots of cool, competent women on this show. This episode felt like the show stalling and trying to fit an episode. Yeah, they had to get their captured men back, but the on-island action was about a mission that has little to do with the main plot.

Sometimes the submarine stuff gets boring. It's all action, but most of the time you can't see the action. They are just sitting there, looking tense and talking about the action that's happening. Apparently, they aren't writing the submarine portions accurately either. Everyone who has actually been on one in the military is scoffing and wishing this show would hire a better consultant. We don't care at all, because we know nothing about navy subs and we never will. It's entertaining. Sub moves. Sub shakes. Sub fires. That's all we care about.

The navy seal isn't stupid. We liked that he knew right away that Tani had brought him along with her just to tick off her father. Hopefully all the sweet facial expressions between Sam and the French woman and the background music were more about how nice it is that she's helping them and less about how they might have romantic chemistry. We like Sam's wife, and we won't be able to tolerate it if he cheats on her. Poor Red. We get why Josh felt like he should save Cortez though. It makes things more interesting that they killed one. Tragedy can help an otherwise blah episode.
Episode grade: B

Voluntold- Josh has a lot of trouble handling Red's death. We liked the way that subplot turned out, but this show is creeping along at a snail's pace. Sure, it's still entertaining and we are getting to know the characters. We loved Christine's freakout at the reporters. The stuff between Sophie and Julian was good and added an extra layer of conflict. Kylie's going to have to go against her dad. We really like her. We like Cortez even more after this week. Tani and the navy seal need to just bone already.
Episode grade: B-

Grey's Anatomy makes us chuckle again, Scandal tricks us, and Parks and Rec still needs to get everyone back to Pawnee

By lukeford.net [CC-BY-SA-2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.5)], via Wikimedia Commons

Grey's Anatomy- Love the One You're With
Finally, there was a little levity this season. Funny lines in the first half included, "When Hunt appeared to you, was he glowing at all?" Also, the Callie/Alex conversation: "Stop sleeping with your coworkers, it ruins them." "I slept with you." "And now I no longer sleep with men." Then Avery and Meredith won all the comedy awards with their talk about how the chief banged both their moms. This is the Grey's we love. April looks prettier this year. We are ready to like her. Hopefully the show will let us by not making her painfully annoying this year. Aaaand then, right after we type that, April says she's going to be re-virginized. THAT'S NOT A THING. Bone that stupidity out of her, Avery. We don't know about the show having a legal aspect now that they didn't take the settlement. It could be interesting and dramatic though.

This is not Arizona! Bring her real personality back. We liked that Callie's patient made her realize that Arizona needed Callie to be the bad guy, so Callie stood up to her wife. We feel like this storyline is unbelievable as far as the way it's handling Arizona's reaction to losing her leg. This is how Derek, Cristina, and other morose characters would handle this, not Arizona, right? We like Callie's patient's nasty leg. We also like that the new intern is being developed more. For a while, it seemed like cool Bailey was back, but then she started whining about her personal life and lack of life challenges. Maybe it will lead to actual good storylines for her though. We loved the sticky notes. All Cristina needed to smile and bond with her co-workers was Mr. Feeny. Awww. We love him.
Episode grade: A-

Scandal- Hunting Season
Abby and David hooked up! Finally, she's good for something other than being self-righteous. The idea of the government watching us through our laptops is so creepy. You know what they would see a lot of from American citizens, especially guys? Hint: Porn. Okay, we'll just tell you. Masturbation. That's right, teenage boys, Obama is watching you gander and 'bate. The president was a little Edward Cullen-y in this episode, and we didn't like it. Forceful, jealous, possessive, and irrational. We're glad Olivia told him where to stick it. (We're dirty birds today, aren't we?) Artie fooled us as much as he did the Pope team. Mellie is a Disney villain. Blow you away? Ha. We get it show, we're supposed to root for Olivia because Fitz's wife is a politically ambitious shrew. They don't need to go that far with it. We're glad the show has kept the Disney Channel intern of David's around. She's funny. Here's hoping she passes the bar next time she takes it.
Episode grade: B-

Parks and Recreation- Sex Education
"Perd-verts" was a good joke. We think the religious fundamentalist couple is pretty funny too. Kind of cliche to have the husband be a closeted gay, but it's a cliche because the joke works. Though it kind of implies that in order for a man to wait until marriage to have sex, he has to be gay, and that's not true. We couldn't laugh at Tom's plotline too much because we're pretty much just like him as far as tech use goes. April is the best thing about the DC plotline. The plotline that needs to end, now. This episode was better than the premiere, but it wasn't season 2-4 material, and it wasn't better than last week.
Episode grade: B+