True Blood - This Week and Last Week reviews

Here we have one of the most bad ass, awesome episodes of True Blood, followed immediately by one of the lamest. But we still like the action-packed nature of this season.

The baby and evil doll thing did NOT pan out. It seemed like a side plot that had nothing to do with any of the main action or characters. Lafayette got possessed by a women and if it weren’t for the French accent, we wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference between regular Lafayette and Ghost Lafayette. In other news, apparently the actor who plays Lafayette is straight and dating a woman. We’re 100% serious.

The only good thing about the evil doll/ghost/baby plot was that we got to see Brujo Jesus be awesome. When he cast the ghost out of Lafayette, he was a major power player mixed with some sort of loving angel of light. Maybe he can take down Petunia Dursley…We think we're in love.

We didn’t feel bad for Jessica for even a moment during these last two episodes, even though she had her heart broken and Hoyt is being mean and petty, calling her a monster. That’s how lots of people are in breakups though. Show me the person who got dumped and acted with total class, grace, and unselfishness. We don’t believe they exist. We’ve never been dumped ourselves, but we wouldn’t be surprised if we say a few rude things if it ever happens.

Jessica is the cheater and the brainwasher. Hoyt can be as much of a butt as he wants. For a few more episodes, anyway. And Jessica ended this week’s episode by nailing Jason while a Taylor Swift song played in the background, which is one of the best uses of Taylor Swift ever, because it just felt so wrong. We can’t blame Jessica for boning Jason though. He’s more tolerable than ever. As a cop, he now has a purpose on the show and in its action. He’s grown a conscience too.

One of the things we loved about the good episode (Spellbound) was the vampire/witch battle that saw Sookie and Tara on opposite sides, Bill offering peace, and Petunia Dursley casting spells even as she negotiated. It was lame that it all ended with Sookie getting shot (it’s not suspenseful when you know she can’t die), but we enjoyed Eric’s battle-commencing attack. Bill saved Tara from Pam and forbade Pam from killing Tara, ever. Petunia Dursley regained control over Eric.

Alcide carried an unconscious Sookie home. This is bad, because he told Debbie and his new werewolf pack’s leader that he would stay away from the vampire vs. witches war…and Sookie. Speaking of the pack leader, Marcus: How can he be such a cool, laid-back guy with Alcide and such a dick to everyone else? We thought Marcus was going to be threatened by Alcide’s strength and much-hotterness (shut up, that can be a real term). But the two came to an understanding and Marcus suggested that Alcide might fulfill a leadership role. But then Marcus was revealed to be Luna’s ex-husband, and he has a real problem with Luna moving on.

Then the next episode came and it all went to hell. At least it was just a filler episode and not a finale or something, because it wasn’t good. We had the weird Lafayette stealing the baby plot. The healing of Sookie was as easy as two prayers from Bill and Alcide, plus some vampire blood. There was a boring dream with too much gender-equality commentary where Sookie tried to get Bill and Eric to have a threesome or something.

The battle between the vampires and the witches didn’t seem to end in any deaths. We guess they all just ran away after a skirmish in the mist. That was it? Seriously? There was way too much Arlene in the episode too. It WAS pretty funny when Jesus responded to one of Jason’s homophobic questions with, “I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just say that” and then just moved onto the action.

The only cute part was when Sam took Luna and her daughter camping and turned into a bunny rabbit so that Luna’s daughter could pet him. Marcus tried to track Sam down and threaten him, but he ended up finding Tommy, who was pretending to be Sam again. Tommy got beat up. We didn’t mind that. We actually feel a little sorry for him, but we don’t really want him on the show.

Also stupid? Petunia Dursley trapped the yellow-bellied witches (the ones who didn’t want to be in the war anymore) in their meeting building. Tara tried a door handle and burned all the skin off her hand. Then, immediately, the witches said, “Try the back door!” Another witch touched the handle of that other door and….burned all the skin off her hand. Idiots. Use a cloth or something. You just SAW someone get burned by magic. It’s not a leap of logic to guess that Petunia would have cursed BOTH doors.

It was revealed that Jessica likes both Twilight and Taylor Swift. This is sort of endearing, because it’s a reminder of how young Jessica actually was when she died, and how some of her girlish human nature remains, even as her life got a hell of a lot less innocent. Both Andy and Debbie are back on V. Yayyy. Bring on crazy Debbie! But then the show made it confusing as to whether Debbie is trying to help Sookie or betray her to the witches. Debbie might not even know.

Petunia Dursley’s master plan was to compel Eric into killing King Bill at a tolerance rally. Sookie ran into the rally and shouted “RUN!” to Bill, even though just about everyone in the building was already running, as it was clear that witches were attacking. This episode was really dumb, especially after the streak of good episodes we have had. We are also sick of Sookie’s sex dreams. We never thought we would be, but this season has done it. Dear Sookie: Stop getting high on V. Your time of blissful sex is over. Get into the fight. You’ve been playing house with Eric for, like, a whole season now.

Spellbound Episode Grade: A
Let’s Get Out of Here Episode Grade: C+