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Thursday, September 15, 2011

America's Next Top Model - Nicki Minaj

When this show isn’t on for a while, we forget how crazy Tyra Banks is. So the intro where Tyra imitated past contestants (badly) in dream bubbles was extremely jolting. Tyra, do you not see yourself? Then she described the All-Star cycle to come. Bigger prizes, live judging, and celebrity guests. Hey, this sounds all right. She said that these people were “our” favorites. But we think, for the most part, these are just the girls that were remotely memorable and could come back. Because who really wanted Shannon from season one back? Both bloggers are modestly dressed virgins who love Jesus, and even we were annoyed by her.

But the girls have to make their own music video and co-write a song, make their own perfume, act, and generally be likeable personalities. Kayla for the win! But let’s talk about the other contestants, in the order they came in. 1) Angel a Preston, Cycle 14. Do we remember her? No. (Well, one of us does). Funnily enough, her first words were about how she knows that everyone remembers her, because she was the star of Cycle 14. But we’re blanking completely. Angelea informs us that she’s “classy ghetto.” Ok, this woman is hilarious. We love her so far. (Sidenote: the other blogger loved her in her original season and thinks she got a bad shake.)

2) Laura Kirkpatrick, Cycle 13. Do we remember her? No. She’s a country girl and she actually got a modeling contract after the show. 3) Bianca Golden, Cycle 9. Do we remember her? Vaguely. Her intro on the all-star cycle made her seem like a b*tch. 4) Lisa D’Amato, Cycle 5. Do we remember her? Yes, she’s fun. She peed in a diaper, and one of us actually respects that. It’s ballsy and hilarious. Since season five, she’s recorded a music album. She's also been on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, so ... 5) Bre Scullark, Cycle 5. Do we remember her? No. She tried to surprise Bianca, her best friend who she lived with, but Bianca was angry and greeted her with a “don’t touch me.” 6) Brittany Brower, Cycle 4. Do we remember her? Of course, and we love her. She remembers how things work, as evidenced by her use of the phrase “the next level.”

7) Dominique Reighard, Cycle 10. Do we remember her? Yes, she was draglicious. By some medical miracle, she just had a baby. 8) Sheena Sakai, Cycle 11. Do we remember her? No. But she’s apparently had a lot of work hosting and modeling. 9) Isis King, Cycle 11. Do we remember her? Umm, duh. She has had gender reassignment surgery, and that was a big deal back when she was on the show. 10) Kayla Ferrel, Cycle 15. Do we remember her? Yes, she’s the sweet little lesbian who cried a lot. We like her. She’s adorable, but we seriously miss the bright red hair and bangs.

11) Alison Harvard, Cycle 11. Do we remember her? Yes. Weird is cool. We wish oddballs were in style more, but that would kill it, wouldn’t it? 12) Camille McDonald, Cycle 2. Do we remember her? Yes, and we’re pretty sure she was only brought back for drama. 13) Shannon Steward, Cycle 1. Do we remember her? Ugh, yes. She made a huge deal about skimpy clothes, but then flashed a judge, which everyone thought was a tad hypocritical. She still looks amazing though, after so many years. 14) Alexandria Everett, Cycle 16. Do we remember her? Yup. More people were searching her name on Google than any of the other contestants. We know, because about 500 people got to our blog looking for comments about her. We like her, but she’s a difficult person.

The first photo shoot was appropriate and fun for the first episode. We really hope that the All-Star stuff they have to do won’t get in the way of cool photo shoots, which are what we like about this show in the first place. Shannon is still the same. She won’t wear the lacy underwear they are giving her, even though they are so huge that they are pretty much boy shorts. The bathing suit bottoms she chose were smaller, but at least they weren’t underwear, right? We don’t follow her logic.

Despite our earlier post dissing Nicki Minaj’s new album, we both love her and were really excited to see her be a guest judge. She called Shannon out for the bathing suit bottoms, saying (rather dramatically) that they looked like panties to her. Nicki also changed her accent a lot during the judging, which was annoying, but when she raps, it’s cute. Overall, Nicki was harsh, but right on. Nigel has hair now?!!! We don’t know how we feel about this…except that we’d still like to bone him. Most of the girls got applause from the audience, but Alexandria got some booing and cursing. Poor Alexandria! That’s mean, people. It’s not like she did anything really bad. It made her cry when she talked about it later.

Then the judges interviewed the fans, who apparently get a say. What?!! Ugh. Only if it’s for this cycle. It makes sense in this cycle. But if this becomes a thing in the regular cycles, we won’t approve. Watching the judges deliberate was nice, because they had a good chemistry and interesting/accurate comments. Isis got best photo, but we weren’t digging her face and body language. It should have been Alison. It was down to Brittany and Alexandria to go home. What?!! Predictably, between those two, Alexandria stayed because of her polarity.

We don't know about this All-Star theme yet. It might have been nice just to see a new cycle. Or have a cycle with men and women. We like some of the girls, but some of the choices for a return are perplexing. What about Elyse Sewell, the atheist? She actually has a real career in Asia that she might not want to leave. Same thing with Analeigh Tipton, who was just in Crazy Stupid Love. Does anyone remember polarizing Melrose Bickerstaff? Or Kahlen Rondot, who should have won her season? What about Jade Cole? We could have used another hilarious Jade poem about how great she is. We also would have recommended Natasha Galinka, the mail-order bride who took great pictures, had a sweet heart, but whose language barrier made her clueless. We guess we will take what we can get from this show.

Right now, we are pulling for Kayla or Alison or Lisa or Alexandria (because we love the underdogs), in that order. Who do you want to win? Who would you have liked to see back on the show?

Episode grade: B-


  1. Alison for the win! I love her; she's so beautiful but in a totally unique way.