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Saturday, October 8, 2011

X-Factor Top 32

This show is too long. We don’t have this kind of time. Just show us the singers and judging. The promo fluff is ridiculous. Anyone already watching is ALREADY WATCHING. The judges walking in slow motion, drama, and other stuff is just a waste of our valuable time. In a montage of the good singers, it seems like we have a lot of people who don’t suck. And, aww, the little rapper hugged Simon.

Here’s a rundown of who is left after boot camp. The links are to youtube videos of performances (either from boot camp or the main auditions). Our main complaint is that most of the girls’ voices are similar. Lots of thin-toned, second soprano belters with some jazzy riffs. Idol is better with the variety. Simon likes what he likes though.

If you don't want to watch all of the auditions and just want to jump into the top people's journeys, we've got vids for all of them.

Caitlin Koch- Our favorite. What is she always doing with her legs though? Looks like a chicken dance that would fit in on Arrested Development.
Tora Woloshin- She has a decent voice, but we don’t really get her. Yet. Singing starts at 2:07.
Simone Battle- This girl made it through because she dressed slutty and looked good. Her voice is good, but we think her appearance and generic performance made Simon fight for her. Actual singing starts at 3:14, but if you haven't seen her, you should probably watch the whole thing.
Drew Ryniewicz- Runner-up pick. Great tone and only 14.
Rachel Crow- This girl’s voice is just as big as her personality. Definitely a cutie, and only 13. This is her boot camp performance of “If I Were a Boy.” We love her confidence.
Jazzlyn Little- An obvious pick for the top 32.
Melanie Amaro- She nailed every note in the Beyonce song.
Tiah Tolliver- Those lips are majestic. Nicole hates her though, haha.

Brennin Hunt- This guy is like Edward Cullen trying to be Lestat, only it’s the light pop version. Simon just wants to hear the voice. So do we. He sounds like any other guy right now. We might end up liking him though, because he’s not horrible looking.
Brian Bradley- Stop looking at his mom. The kid has rhyming talent and the worst attitude of all time. Sounds like a rapper.
Skyelor Anderson- We’re not really digging his voice, because he has no power, and he has a shallow, nasally tone. But he’s a nice kid who has been cursed with a terrible name and is just trying to make the best of it. Go to 1:46 for the song.
Nick Voss- One of the most unoriginal things we’ve ever seen, but he’s an underdog, and those do well on these shows.
Tim Cifers- Meh
Phillip Lomax- Also not original or as good as the people he is trying to copy. Also, there’s no way a girl could sing this kind of retro music and make it on a show like this.
Marcus Canty- This might be Ern’s favorite of the guys.
Chris Rene- Leeard’s early favorite guy. His first audition was better, so youtube that if you haven’t seen it. But here’s a shorter performance video, in case you just need to see his face as a reminder.

Over 30s:
(First of all, 30 is YOUNG, and this category should be raised to 35.)
Elaine Gibbs- The grandmother wedding singer. Has a gospel-sounding voice.
Tiger Budbill- It was cute to see him and his wife crying at the end of his first audition, but he doesn’t have the strongest pipes or presentation.
LeRoy Bell- Meh.
James Kenney- start at 2:19. We also give him a “meh.”
Josh Krajcik- He’s growing on us.
Christa Collins- Go to 3:55. She has potential.
Dexter Haygood- HOW ON EARTH DID HE MAKE IT? He's got a good story, that's it.
Stacy Francis- Probably the best here, especially when she gets some voice lessons from the show.

Stereo Hogzz- They seem like cool guys who love each other and work hard.
2Squar'd- Nahhhh. Maybe if someone else dresses them.
4 Shore- The bar for groups must be really low.
The Brewer Boys- Pretty cute, good voices.
Illusion / Confusion- They haven’t aired these guys yet, but they are pretty good. They definitely need some polishing though.
The Anser- These guys are pretty good.
Plus two groups comprised of contestants who'd previously competed as soloists

There's no one here that we are absolutely, 100% in love with, but it took a while for us to realize Haley was our girl on Idol last time, so maybe someone will emerge, grow stronger in the competition, and win us over.

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