Glee: I always thought it would be me, but I secretly hoped it would be you

The PTC (a conservative watchdog group) kind of has a point this time. The PTC has a long history to objecting to the sexual activity of fictional people, but we grudgingly nod our heads to the organization regarding this episode. The sex wasn’t graphic at all. In fact, they really didn’t show anything with either couple, except an adorable shot of Blaine and Kurt with their cute little heads together. The PTC wrote, “The fact that Glee intends to celebrate children having sex is reprehensible. The gender of the high school characters involved is irrelevant.” The PTC also noted that more teenage characters are shown having sex on prime time TV than adults, and that Fox knows Glee is marketed toward teens and preteens. It might normalize high school sex for them, and it’s irresponsible to teach them that this is something they should seriously consider doing.

One of us REALLY hates that everyone has to have sex in high school on TV. Like…you don’t have to. We promise. True, some characters don’t (Angela Chase, Felicity), but most do. TV writers and producers live in the world of Hollywood, where it is all fast-paced and all about sex, all the time. That world is about getting what you want, when you want it. It’s about desire and materialism/the physical. So most of these people making the shows have had lots of sex, and a lot of it was probably casual. They want this to be seen as normal. They don’t want to be judged. So they foist their values onto the world through TV, in the hopes that they can influence the culture to think it’s not a big deal to eschew traditional morality. However, it makes it harder for teens who choose to wait until they are emotionally mature enough to handle it. They become freaks and prudes.

The episode was clear with its rules on sex. There were two very obvious plugs for using protection. Rachel even said, “Every modern girl comes prepared.” Otherwise, the writers say that it’s ok to have sex for the first time “if it feels right” and it’s special. We think high school sex is usually a bad idea, because we have BEEN in high school, and we remember what tards we were. And we were considered the smart kids. Experience is everything. In high school, you don’t know dick about life, let alone love. Hormones are in control, and really do affect the way teens think. You don’t know who you are, and you are still creating that and trying to improve your personality. You are still living with your parents. You also do things for the wrong reasons 99% of the time (to fit in, because you want to grow up fast, to get things over with, to look good, to please your parents, etc). Sex is for adults, not children. If you are in high school, you are a child. In the next four years, you will experience changes beyond anything you can currently imagine.

For the characters themselves, in a fictional world, it was the right time. No one was violating any of their values. They waited until they were in love and in a monogamous relationship, and even then, they didn’t give it up right away. Rachel hasn't been throwing herself around. And sex with Rachel is a step up for Finn, since the last girl he had sex with wasn’t exactly the love of his life. As for Kurt and Blaine? How can you go wrong after Burt Hummel’s amazing sex talk? Ryan Murphy said, “I think what it says to a lot of young gay people who are confused and ashamed is that you can get love and are worthy of love.” We like that. We are happy for these couples, and we like them together. We don't think either couple is a "forever" couple though.

This episode was definitely a return to season 1 form. There were only a few main storylines, and old storylines were revisited (Mike, Beiste). No one did anything absolutely ridiculous, except for Artie telling Rachel and Blaine that they needed to have sex in order to play people in love in their high school musical. As if, Artie. That’s ridiculous. Also, no one should be taking sex advice from Artie since he lost his virginity to Brittany, who had to pick him up out of his wheelchair like he was a lady in order to do it and called him by another name the whole time. The worst thing is that Artie was in love with Tina at the time and regretted losing it to Brittany. After rehearsals, Rachel planned to have sex with Finn.

Right before Finn closed in, Rachel hinted that she was doing it for the musical. This hurt Finn’s little feelings, and so he left the situation. Rachel consults Quinn, Santana, Brittany, and Tina and asks them all (at the same time, in one room) if she should have sex or wait. Santana says no, because she thinks Finn was bad in bed. Quinn says that she regretted losing something that she could never get back, and that it makes things more complicated. Brittany was apparently raped at camp or something, and it's really not that funny of a joke. Tina said that her first time with Mike and his abs was magical and that she has no regrets.

Finn is told by the Ohio State recruiter that his football career is over. Ouch. Finn tells Rachel, and then she has sex with him. Meanwhile, Blaine visits the Warblers, and they sing a horrible version of "Uptown Girls" to him, and it’s really gay. The new guy, Sebastian, takes a shine to Blaine and flirts with him rather aggressively. Blaine lets Sebastian know that he has a boyfriend (good, Blaine), and Sebastian invites them both to Scandals, the gay bar. At Scandals, which is a ridiculous name, Blaine gets drunk and dances with Sebastian the whole night. Kurt hangs out at the bar with Max Karofsky, who transferred to a new school for his senior year and is still in the closet. The encounter between the two is friendly. When Blaine and Kurt leave, Kurt puts Blaine in the back seat. Blaine pulls Kurt on top of him and tries to get some sexy time. Kurt gets angry, because this is clearly not the perfect scenario, and refuses. Later, they make up and have sex at Blaine’s house.

West Side Story is finally over! Yay! Now we can probably hear a song from a different musical. The Ohio State recruiter asks Beiste out on a date, with a little nudging from Artie. Mike Chang fights with his father and tells him that he is not going to be a doctor. He is going to be a professional dancer. The father is all, “You’re no longer my son.” And Mike’s all, “Then I guess I don’t have a dad anymore.” Man, mega harsh. Are Asian parents really that strict? Artie gets really controlling as director and clearly loves bossing people around, as well as giving them complexes about their sex lives. Oh Artie, you’re the worst. However, in a position of power, one of us can totally get the same way. It looks like this is one of Damian’s seven episodes, since he was in it for about a second. Cheap. The number “America” was pretty fun. It was Hispanics and Asians v. Whites and Asians. We want Santana’s red dress.

Leeard's grade: C+

Ern's grade: B

Episode grade: B-