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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Voice - Blind Auditions Part 3

Let's get right into the performances.

Sarah Golden - We like when they do the shadowy “what do they look like?!!” thing with the audience. In Sarah’s case, the first question was “is it a man or is it a woman?” We decide it’s a man, and then the man says, “Record labels told me that I needed a different look.” Then we decided it was a woman. Record labels let uggo guys sings all the time. With girls, it’s practically unheard of. Decent voice. Not a favorite though. We like her as a person and her demeanor. We don’t know if her folk voice fit Lady Gaga’s power pop though. We really need to hear her sing something else. We will get to, because she advanced to Team Cee Lo.

Elley Duhe - Spell your child’s name right, people. This girl is 19 and quit HIGH SCHOOL. She did it with her parent’s approval to focus on music, even though she a) does not have Lea Michele’s voice and b) does not look like Britney Spears. Those are the only two things that would make dropping out of high school a good idea. She’s not good enough to do that. Fantastic job, parents. Good range, but an unpleasant tone and pitchy notes killed it. She had a good attitude too. She WAS humble and gracious. Her last note WAS good. But in the end, it was not enough and she was sent home.

Pip - Can we get a last name? Pip wears a bowtie to audition, so we like him already. He’s into musical theater, so that explains the wardrobe. All musical theater people are freaking hipsters. He’s adorable, but his voice might be too Broadway. We’d like to see him sing something besides "House of the Rising Sun". His voice could be good with a song that fit it. Really, after Haley Reinhart did "House of the Rising Sun" on Idol, no one should try it again. That version was unbeatable. All four judges turn around, but Adam ends up with Pip.

Erin Willett - Sob story alert! Dying father. We love her relationship with her father though. We also love her attitude about it. “One day he won’t be here; but today’s not that day.” Great voice, but it’s not very unique. One of us hates the song she picked though ("I Want You Back") and we both don’t think she’ll make it far. We got to see the dad tear up a little in happiness. Is this show trying to kill us? Blake picks her, and we are so happy, especially for the dad.

David Grace - College football player and coach?!! Hot. You know what’s not hot? That facial hair. This guy did a boring rendition of "Sweet Home Alabama", but at least he could play guitar. Blake makes a good point that just because they are country doesn’t mean he is going to pick them. They have to be just as good as the mainstream artists. This guy slid up to his notes too much and that hit the judges the wrong way. We agree and are glad he didn’t get picked.

Katrina Parker - Making us watch the audition invitation delivery was lame. She has a sob story too, and it involves mold. She has a little of that ADELE sound, only she is nowhere near as good as ADELE. She slid up to notes too, but Adam liked that she was “different” and turned his chair around, so she will advance on his team. Cee Lo hit on her. We love you Cee Lo, you weird effer.

Geoff McBride - This 51-year-old seems like a cool guy, but maybe that’s just the sunglasses he has to wear. He also used to kickbox and has his own sob story about his dead dad. Also, he has kids, so double whammy for those at home rooting for people over voices. Still, at this point we were getting sick of the sob stories and were waiting for a powerhouse voice or something we would download. You really can’t beat Erin’s cancer dad tonight. Geoff sings and  doesn’t sound very modern (he’s singing Stevie Wonder, so that might have been a factor), but he can sing. Christina pushed her button first. It was at this point we started to hate when the judges would holler at other judges to push their buttons. They think it’s good, but it’s not their taste, so they try to pawn people off on their co-judges. Stop it. If they are good, push your own button. Cee Lo must have heard us muttering at the TV, because he stopped trying to get Adam to turn around and just pushed his own button. This guy does have great energy, Christina. He goes with Christina.

Erin Martin - This is our second “Erin” of the night. “Erin” is a stupid name, haha. She is fantastically gorgeous and used to model. Even the crazy, awful hair she had didn’t ruin her. We were nervous about this one at first. She said that labels have told her that she needs coaching. Also, someone who has only been singing for two or three years makes us question their ability. With singing, you usually start in your teens or as a child, or you just don’t have it. It’s not a talent that hides itself. She gets picked early by Blake Shelton and Cee Lo who are probably delighted to see her. She has a raspy, Macy Grey thing going, but it’s pleasant, unique, on key, cute, and fit her song ("Hey There Delilah") perfectly. It’s like Macy mixed with Regina Spektor. Cee Lo hit on her. You know, she doesn’t have a great, showstopping voice, but it’s weird enough that we like her. She seems really fun. We kind of think she is lying about only singing for two or three years though. She goes with Team Cee Lo.

James Massone - This guy’s job SUCKS. He's from Boston though, so Leeard loves him already. We get yet another sob story. James’ friends were shot in a recording studio or something. He tells us that “you never know when it’s gonna be your last day.” Thanks for the memo, Oprah. He sounds like Zac Efron or something, and not in a good way. He sounds 12 years old. The judges think that equals cash money with the pre-teens, so three of them turn around. We raised our eyebrows. This guy is borderline bad. This is the first time this season that the judges picked a dud, in our opinions. Talk about pitchy. Talk about whiny. Bleck. He joins Cee Lo’s team. We guess we are happy to see him succeed, because he cried and he’s sort of sweet. He’s 23. Man, that voice is never gonna drop is it? Was this boy castrated?

Winter Rae - Parents, if you name your child Winter, she will end up with short, blue hair, cut in the most unattractive style possible. She will also have tattoos and work in a bowling alley. You have been warned. (If you name your kid “Summer,” the opposite will happen and she will be even more unbearable. Probably a blond, generic cheerleader who is mean to you.) She looks scary but she sings R&B, not rock. She’s friends with Perez Hilton. That’s probably how she got on this show. She is white, but she does not sound white. Her tone is thin. Lea Michele’s version of "Take a Bow" was much better. Winter did not get picked, but at least The Voice got a Perez Hilton guest appearance out of this woman. Adam gives Winter a speech about how they all were once rejected and how she should never give up. Blake tells her that her hair is cool. It’s not, Blake. Crazy hair is only cool if it makes you look better.

Chris Cauley - Sorry, bro, but Bruno Mars has the silkiest voice on "Grenade", and yours just didn’t measure up. His version of "Grenade" was also a little too toned-down. We think the comparison and song choice hurt him in the beginning, but two judges finally realized that the voice was good in itself and pushed their buttons. He joins team Adam, but in order for us to like him, he is going to need to bring us something a little less snooze-inducing. It was nice, but we don’t need someone to sing us to sleep like little snug babies. We need someone to knock our socks off. That still hasn’t happened in this episode.

The judges then pick three people who don’t get a chance to sing their whole songs. This is a blessing, considering one of them was an “M.C.” who sang “Let’s Get it Started.” Christina picked him, because she’s insane.

Jordis Unga - This girl has a Swedish mom and Tongan dad and is probably asked, “What race are you?” on a day-to-day basis. Or she would be, if people were way ruder than they are. She gets the last laugh, because she's great-looking. We liked her emotion and her spot-on Christina Aguilera impression, but we weren’t that impressed. She can certainly holler and the first two lines of the song were pretty. She has a great voice underneath her raspy style. She does squats when she sings, which is interesting. She goes with Blake.

We love when Cee Lo is shown holding his cat. We think everyone does.
Christina Millian, you still exist?
Blake: “Even Christina’s smilin’ and she never smiles.” Christina: “**** you!” Haha

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