Sarah Golden - We like when they do the shadowy “what do
they look like?!!” thing with the audience. In Sarah’s case, the first question
was “is it a man or is it a woman?” We decide it’s a man, and then the man
says, “Record labels told me that I needed a different look.” Then we decided
it was a woman. Record labels let uggo guys sings all the time. With girls, it’s practically unheard of. Decent voice. Not a favorite though. We like her as a person and
her demeanor. We don’t know if her folk voice fit Lady Gaga’s power pop though.
We really need to hear her sing something else. We will get to, because she advanced to Team Cee Lo.
Elley Duhe - Spell your child’s name right, people. This
girl is 19 and quit HIGH SCHOOL. She did it with her parent’s approval to focus
on music, even though she a) does not have Lea Michele’s voice and b) does not
look like Britney Spears. Those are the only two things that would make
dropping out of high school a good idea. She’s not good enough to do that. Fantastic
job, parents. Good range, but an unpleasant tone and pitchy notes killed it.
She had a good attitude too. She WAS humble and gracious. Her last note WAS
good. But in the end, it was not enough and she was sent home.
Pip - Can we get a last name? Pip wears a bowtie to
audition, so we like him already. He’s into musical theater, so that explains
the wardrobe. All musical theater people are freaking hipsters. He’s adorable,
but his voice might be too Broadway. We’d like to see him sing something
besides "House of the Rising Sun". His voice could be good with a song that fit
it. Really, after Haley Reinhart did "House of the Rising Sun" on Idol, no one
should try it again. That version was unbeatable. All four judges turn around, but Adam ends up with Pip.
Erin Willett - Sob story alert! Dying father. We love her
relationship with her father though. We also love her attitude about it. “One
day he won’t be here; but today’s not that day.” Great voice, but it’s not very
unique. One of us hates the song she picked though ("I Want You Back") and we both don’t think she’ll make it far. We
got to see the dad tear up a little in happiness. Is this show trying to kill
us? Blake picks her, and we are so happy, especially for the dad.
David Grace - College football player and coach?!! Hot.
You know what’s not hot? That facial hair. This guy did a boring rendition of "Sweet Home Alabama", but at least he could play guitar. Blake makes a good point
that just because they are country doesn’t mean he is going to pick them. They
have to be just as good as the mainstream artists. This guy slid up to his
notes too much and that hit the judges the wrong way. We agree and are glad he
didn’t get picked.
Katrina Parker - Making us watch the audition invitation
delivery was lame. She has a sob story too, and it involves mold. She has a
little of that ADELE sound, only she is nowhere near as good as ADELE. She slid
up to notes too, but Adam liked that she was “different” and turned his chair
around, so she will advance on his team. Cee Lo hit on her. We love you Cee Lo,
you weird effer.
Geoff McBride - This 51-year-old seems like a cool guy,
but maybe that’s just the sunglasses he has to wear. He also used to kickbox
and has his own sob story about his dead dad. Also, he has kids, so double
whammy for those at home rooting for people over voices. Still, at this point
we were getting sick of the sob stories and were waiting for a powerhouse voice
or something we would download. You really can’t beat Erin’s cancer dad
tonight. Geoff sings and doesn’t sound
very modern (he’s singing Stevie Wonder, so that might have been a factor), but
he can sing. Christina pushed her button first. It was at this point we started
to hate when the judges would holler at other judges to push their buttons.
They think it’s good, but it’s not their taste, so they try to pawn people off
on their co-judges. Stop it. If they are good, push your own button. Cee Lo
must have heard us muttering at the TV, because he stopped trying to get Adam
to turn around and just pushed his own button. This guy does have great energy, Christina. He goes with Christina.
Erin Martin - This is our second “Erin” of the night. “Erin”
is a stupid name, haha. She is fantastically gorgeous and used to model. Even
the crazy, awful hair she had didn’t ruin her. We were nervous about this one
at first. She said that labels have told her that she needs coaching. Also,
someone who has only been singing for two or three years makes us question
their ability. With singing, you usually start in your teens or as a child, or
you just don’t have it. It’s not a talent that hides itself. She gets picked
early by Blake Shelton and Cee Lo who are probably delighted to see her. She
has a raspy, Macy Grey thing going, but it’s pleasant, unique, on key, cute,
and fit her song ("Hey There Delilah") perfectly. It’s like Macy mixed with
Regina Spektor. Cee Lo hit on her. You know, she doesn’t have a great,
showstopping voice, but it’s weird enough that we like her. She seems really
fun. We kind of think she is lying about only singing for two or three years
though. She goes with Team Cee Lo.
James Massone - This guy’s job SUCKS. He's from Boston though, so Leeard loves him already. We get yet another
sob story. James’ friends were shot in a recording studio or something. He
tells us that “you never know when it’s gonna be your last day.” Thanks for the
memo, Oprah. He sounds like Zac Efron or something, and not in a good way. He sounds
12 years old. The judges think that equals cash money with the pre-teens, so
three of them turn around. We raised our eyebrows. This guy is borderline bad.
This is the first time this season that the judges picked a dud, in our
opinions. Talk about pitchy. Talk about whiny. Bleck. He joins Cee Lo’s team.
We guess we are happy to see him succeed, because he cried and he’s sort of
sweet. He’s 23. Man, that voice is never
gonna drop is it? Was this boy castrated?
Winter Rae - Parents, if you name your child Winter, she
will end up with short, blue hair, cut in the most unattractive style possible.
She will also have tattoos and work in a bowling alley. You have been warned.
(If you name your kid “Summer,” the opposite will happen and she will be even
more unbearable. Probably a blond, generic cheerleader who is mean to you.) She
looks scary but she sings R&B, not rock. She’s friends with Perez Hilton.
That’s probably how she got on this show. She is white, but she does not sound
white. Her tone is thin. Lea Michele’s version of "Take a Bow" was much better.
Winter did not get picked, but at least The Voice got a Perez Hilton guest
appearance out of this woman. Adam gives Winter a speech about how they all
were once rejected and how she should never give up. Blake tells her that her
hair is cool. It’s not, Blake. Crazy hair is only cool if it makes you look
better.
Chris Cauley - Sorry, bro, but Bruno Mars has the silkiest
voice on "Grenade", and yours just didn’t measure up. His version of "Grenade" was
also a little too toned-down. We think the comparison and song choice hurt him
in the beginning, but two judges finally realized that the voice was good in
itself and pushed their buttons. He joins team Adam, but in order for us to
like him, he is going to need to bring us something a little less
snooze-inducing. It was nice, but we don’t need someone to sing us to sleep
like little snug babies. We need someone to knock our socks off. That still
hasn’t happened in this episode.
The judges then pick three people who don’t get a chance
to sing their whole songs. This is a blessing, considering one of them was an “M.C.”
who sang “Let’s Get it Started.” Christina picked him, because she’s insane.
Jordis Unga - This girl has a Swedish mom and Tongan dad
and is probably asked, “What race are you?” on a day-to-day basis. Or she would
be, if people were way ruder than they are. She gets the last laugh, because she's great-looking. We liked her emotion and her
spot-on Christina Aguilera impression, but we weren’t that impressed. She can
certainly holler and the first two lines of the song were pretty. She has a
great voice underneath her raspy style. She does squats when she sings, which
is interesting. She goes with Blake.
We love when Cee Lo is shown holding his cat. We think
everyone does.
Christina Millian, you still exist?
Blake: “Even Christina’s smilin’ and she never smiles.”
Christina: “**** you!” Haha
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