We think we can all agree that the drunk train portions of the evening were the funniest and that we like Quinn. She is played by that amazing Ugly Betty vet, Becki Newton, whose character on that show always brought the laughs and style. Quinn is the same, only she’s smart too! Yay! We didn’t like the twist at the end, but there were a couple of genuinely funny moments, which is more than last episode had.
The episode started with penis jokes. Always a win with the CBS audience. Ba-dum-ching. Barney tells the group that Ted forced him to spend an evening on a double date, so Ted owes him (Barney suggests participation in a laser tag tournament as repayment). Barney’s date was Quinn, a girl who would not sleep with Barney. He tried to convince this girl, Quinn, that he had EPS (Enormous Penis Syndrome).
Quinn plays along and Barney thinks it’s going well until Quinn tells him that she’s suffering from her own condition: I’m Not a Gullible Dumbass Disorder. Nora 2.0 only funnier! Back in the present, Marshall and Lily mention that they have to catch a train back to Long Island before they end up with the last train, which is always full of drunks and sluts. One of us loves late night trains/subways/buses. They're easily the most entertaining.
As soon as Barney hears about this drunk train, he decides Ted should accompany him on a train ride. Lily, Marshall, Kevin, and Robin leave on a Valentine’s weekend couples retreat. Marshall and Lily tell Robin and Kevin that the key to a successful relationship is to never keep score. Of course, Marshall and Lily then spend the whole weekend keeping score and remembering funny/awkward situations where they let each other down and should have owed each other.
We agree with their philosophy that, as long as two people are engaged and trying, you should not keep score in your relationship. This counts with good deeds as well as mistakes. Just because you clean around the house more, that doesn’t mean the person owes you and picks up the slack. Do stuff because you love someone or want to do it, not because you want to be repaid, because you want to feel self-righteous, or because you are trying to get leverage/rack up points.
Kevin and Robin quickly become annoyed with the other couple and retreat to their hotel room where Kevin proposes. Robin tells Kevin that she needs time to think about it. Kevin agrees to give her that time. Points for not freaking out, Kev. Robin tells Lily and Marshall that she’s been keeping something from Kevin. Is she going to tell Kev that she cheated on him with Barney?!!! No, because Robin is, apparently, a complete jerk. Her worry is that Kevin doesn’t know she’s infertile. Umm, we think the cheating thing needs to come out before you marry the guy, Robin, but that’s just us.
Robin tells Kevin she can’t have children and he proposes again. She accepts and they hug. Later though, Kevin suggests adoption and Robin makes it clear that she doesn’t even want children. In yet another conversation, Robin tells Kevin that if he marries her, he needs to be 100% sure that he is ok with never having kids. Kevin un-proposes. Poor Robin, but we’re not really sad about this relationship ending. Kevin never totally fit in and the cheating killed it. We’ve both shipped Barney/Robin, but that might have ended in this episode….
Because, meanwhile, Ted and Barney are riding the drunk train. Their first attempt goes badly. They first fall asleep and then have no luck with the sluts, who keep yelling, “You think you’re betta than me?!” and throwing their drinks on the men. Barney sadly recalls how Quinn summarized his life and then gutted it during the double date. She told him that he usually ends up going to strip clubs, where he is lonely, he always wears a suit, and he is trying to convince himself that his sad life is “legendary.” Barney asks her if she practices the dark arts. No, she’s just made of awesome.
Ted is fed up with his long, unfortunate search for The One. We are too, Ted. We’ve been along for the whole ride and suffered through all the red herrings as well. The next day, Ted and Barney realize that they need to be drunk to enjoy the drunk train. DUH. This works and they nearly pick up two sluts. They don’t take them home though. Barney can’t stop thinking about Quinn. Quinn turns out to be a stripper at Barney’s favorite club. Whoa! Did not see that coming. This girl has layers. How many smart strippers have ever been on TV? The best part? Barney doesn't know Quinn is a stripper yet.
Ted returns to find Robin and listens to her spill about Kevin. Ted tells Robin that missing out on kids wouldn’t matter to him (UM, you have kids in the future, Ted, not that you know that yet), and then he tells Robin that he loves her. Are you serious, show?!! You’re doing this to us AGAIN? If so, the show had better give us something original in order for us to have a reason to a watch a relationship we’ve a) already seen, b) don’t care about, and c) know won’t work out. Love for Becki Newton has made one of us stop hoping Barney and Robin stop being morons and love each other. One of us hopes Quinn is his bride.
Episode grade: B-