This season started out really slow, but it picked up in the third episode. At this point, just about no one is watching Weeds because they enjoy watching Weeds. We all want to see what happens, who dies, and how it all ends. That means all that matters in this season is how they end it, and that ending had better shock or satisfy its audience, otherwise it will have wasted years watching Weeds. At this point, the only ending that will really satisfy US is if Silas crawls through the TV and has sex with us. One at a time, of course. Leeard and Ern are just friends. Like everyone else, we loved seasons 1-3, and then season four sucked a little. We actually liked season 5, which had all the Estaban marriage drama. Season 6 had good moments. The roadtrip thing really worked and ending with Nancy going to jail was brilliant. Season 7 was kind of a dull mess. Season 8 is better.
See Blue and Smell Cheese and Die
Shane knows who the killer is! Yay. We love that Nancy is out of the hospital, but we don’t love that the sister is a) still alive and b) still with Andy. Doug is still on the show too. Does anyone like him? ANYONE? Bueller? Bueller? Nice human centipede reference though. Kids doing roller derby is cute, but a great idea to get broken limbs. Egg! We mean Ann! We love Mae Whitman from Parenthood too. She gets prettier every time we see her too. We like Jill’s daughters with the dreds. “When we lose, we burn your shoes.” It was great how Nancy confronted Tim in the sandwich shop while his boss was telling him how to make a sandwich. Tim has such skinny little arms. Nancy’s botox is out of control. It’s sweet that Nancy wanted to help Tim. We guess her new Gandhi streak will be here for a while. We loved that Shane arrested him even more. Next plotline, please!
Episode grade: B-
Only Judy Can Judge
We were going to completely ignore Doug’s existence and plotlines. As far as this blog would have been concerned, he died a horrible death. But the poop war was funny, and we like that Doug sleep poops. As long as Weeds continues to mock him and use him in this way, Doug can stay. Oh, hey, Nancy’s naked butt, we haven’t seen you in a while! Skinny dipping in someone else’s pool. That’s going on the bucket list. We thought Shane was a sociopath, not a guy who could like being a cop and have a pretty nice girlfriend. Huh. What kind of girl tells a guy’s mother that the guy is “like Christian Grey without the money”? Nobody wants to know that about their kid. Bleck. “I can do mouth to mouth with my dick.” That was funny. We like those guys with the glasses. Those psycho dealer guys. They amuse us. In real life though, we’d have to have them killed. They look like Evil Dietrich Bonheoffers. We like Nancy’s brain farts. It’s cool that the show is giving us some consequences of the shooting. Jill is a bitch. We want to meet the neighbor who let Stevie and Nancy swim in his pool. Also, this episode gets points for dropping the Tim plotline and moving forward with other things.
Episode grade: B
Red in Tooth and Claw
We like affirmative action Nancy style. We hardly even thought about Stevie being half Mexican, but we guess the douchebags on this show would notice right away. Andy’s theory on why he gets so much tail sounds legit. That roller derby girl was gorgeous. Like, “If I could look like one girl, it would be her” gorgeous, but in an edgy way. The soccer was adorable. We’re glad to see the Evil Dietrich Bonheoffers are still on the show. What is with Kiku? We don’t get her. Is that even her name? Just when Jill kicked Andy to the curb, she takes him back. But she has sex with Doug to get revenge on Andy for roller slut. Good, Jill and Doug deserve each other. We are loving Shane with his girlfriend. We also like Nancy’s bathing suit. Yesssss, Nancy’s pool-owning neighbor is the hot rabbi from the hospital who talked to Andy. Good, this show needs some depth. He saved that premiere. We thought he was all gone! We can’t believe Nancy threw out the weed. Is Weeds going to end in the opposite way of Breaking Bad’s inevitable ending? Is Nancy Botwin really redeemable? We were as surprised as Silas that his new friend betrayed him.
Episode grade: B
Allosaurus Crush Castle
Nancy looks great in a suit. Jill is pregnant with Andy’s baby. Oh, wow, we hate that a lot. We wish it could be Doug’s. Aren’t Andy and Nancy supposed to be endgame? Or is that too predictable? Ugh, fine. We like the idea of Nancy and the Rabbi anyway. We want to learn how to stack cups like that crazy guy. Nancy is trying to get back in the business, only legally this time. Oh Nancy, pharmaceuticals are arguable worse than weed. She’s going to be making the marijuana pill. We wish it was that easy for us to get a job. We have to send out dozens of applications, go on interviews, visit offices, and wait by the phone. Nancy just has to go to her kid’s soccer practice. Too cruel. This may be rude to say, but Stevie was cuter last year. His head looks mashed in and his face is funny. Doug is starting a charity. Yawn.
Episode grade: B-
Bear pancakes?!! Hell to the yeah. We don’t really care about Nancy’s attempts to bond with her younger son. She constantly puts herself over her older two children, so we’ve written her off as Mother of the TV Year, no matter what sorts of pancakes she makes. We liked the way Jill announced her pregnancy to the rest of the family: “Well, praise the Lord and pass the stretch mark cream.” Silas looks great in a lab coat. Andy is trying to work for Rabbi David. David, throw him out immediately! Our favorite Nancy moment this season was when she took the muffins back. Andy doesn’t know much about the Torah. That story didn’t necessarily involve children. The word used can refer to 30-year-olds. It was probably a mob of young men threatening Elisha, not just teasing him. (Okay, Ern, save it for the other blog.) It was a funny way to get the kids under control though. Shane graduated from police academy? Wow, already? That’s cool. Doctor Cornish was cool and said some of the things we’ve all been thinking about Nancy’s new job. We’re glad she threw him a bone. Of course Nancy would sleep her way to success.
Episode grade: B+
Five Miles from Yetzer Hara
Nancy is racking up the sales and gets a promotion. Shane’s new job SUCKS, even if it’s lucrative. Angela is having all the fun. It turns out Jill isn’t pregnant; she’s going through menopause. Hallelujah. We’re glad Nancy didn’t sell her generic Adderall to that receptionist. Doug, you are just the worst person. We were hoping Doug would go to prison for fraud, but having to blow the government worker was an alright consequence. We laughed at it. Andy’s reaction to Jill’s lie was fantastic. FINALLY, Nancy hooks up with the Rabbi who got her back on the straight and narrow. We’re mixing our religions again, aren’t we? Andy is set on a baby, so he and Jill discuss adoption while they have sex. But Andy still wants his own. We liked the song they played about weed when the pills were being made. That’s downloadable. Nice use of Regina Spektor too. We don’t feel bad for Jill. Poor Jill, her life is so boring, she is getting a labradoodle. People are dying in Africa, Jill, you twat. Jill and Nancy teaming up to sell the Adderall to the college kids themselves worked for us. We weren’t buying “good Nancy.” That was a cute episode. It made us want to read the Talmund.
Episode grade: B+