Girls- Season 2, Episode 3

Bad Friend- The episode starts with Hannah trying to get a freelance writing gig with a website. Her new boss wants her to do a threesome with people she meets on Craigslist. Or coke. And write about it. Heck, we'd read that article. Especially the threesome thing. Jessa is having a yard sale on her front stoop.

Marnie suggests that Hannah visit her downstairs, drug addict neighbor to get some coke for her article. Marnie is the worst friend on TV, ever. She doesn't even try to talk Hannah out of this. She probably thinks that if Hannah dies, she'll never find out about Marnie's two thrusts with Hanna's gay roommate.  Hannah knocks on her neighbor's door. He seems nice, but he's wearing some Rastafarian-looking beanie, something you probably shouldn't do after college, if you're a guy and not a hipster. He mentions that he liked when Hannah named her wireless network "Madame Ovaries." Heh.



THANK YOU. Turtles can be assholes. We've known a few in our time, and oh boy. Hannah comes right out and asks for cocaine after some weird small talk. The junkie neighbor is clean now and advises her to not get into drugs. But then he decides to hook her up with some dealers he knows.

Cut to Marnie at her new pretty people job. An old guy grabs her near the butt/on the hip and calls her "sweetheart." That's about when we'd quit. She runs into this guy she knows, and if we've seen him, we don't remember him. He craps on her new job, saying that she gave up on her passion (art) the first second she had to struggle. She says he's a con man who convinces people to buy bad art, and he asks when she last had sex.

Wait...is this the guy from the very beginning of the first season who kissed Marnie and said that he would sleep with her one day? Because, if so, then YES. We liked him. He was ballsy and everything Marnie's at-the-time boyfriend was not. Did he have a beard when we last saw him? He looks different, if it's even him. He drags her off, saying she's about to have sex with him. It has to be that guy. There aren't that many guys out there in TV land who use those dating tactics.

Back to Hannah and gay roommate. God, we can never remember his name, but we can remember the name of the actor. So we're calling him Andrew until someone says the character's name. They are planning to do the coke and go out together. Andrew picks out Hannah's outfit. They do coke and start writing on the walls.

Marnie and the really forward guy, Booth, go to his office and look at some of his art. He's nice to her. Booth's art is crazy and he rips off Stephen King. We would never sleep with someone who ripped off Stephen King. He locks her in some of his art for an extended period of time, freaking her out and really exposing himself to a nasty lawsuit. He lets her out and hugs her. Marnie says, "You're so f***ing talented" and sounds like she means it.

Hannah and Andrew are at a club. Or was it a rave? We know nothing of these things. Hannah and Andrew are a mess. Hannah changes shirts with a gay guy. Now her shirt is some yellow, sheer fishnet shirt. We know nothing of these shirts. Does coke even make you this crazy and open? We've heard it's not that great. That it just feels like a whole lot of caffeine and everything going fast and just a rush of energy that doesn't even last that long. Hannah and Andrew act like more like they took X. But, again, what do we know? We've never done either. They do more and dance like mad people.

Marnie and Booth are boning, finally. It's weird and doesn't look that pleasant for Marnie. Andrew and Hanna are doing yet more coke. Uh oh. His secret is going to come out. And his name is Elijah! Oops, there it goes. Elijah says, "I f***ed Marnie." Hannah freaks out. It's pretty funny. They then go to a drugstore and argue. Hannah grabs Elijah and kisses him. His response is so perfect: "When did you eat jerky?" The next time someone kisses one of us, we are going to say that.

Hannah sees her neighbor, whose name is LAIRD, in the store. We call that baby name. It's ours, you can't have it. Laird has been protectively following Hannah. Laird starts crying because he's feeling guilty for buying Hannah and himself drugs. Then he gives her "H." That's heroin guys, we're pretty sure. Hannah gets a text from Marnie saying she is with Booth Jonathan, who Hannah calls a "tiny smeedge of an artist."

Marnie and Booth are pretentiously talking about the phase art went through in the 90s, while she holds an actual glass of whine. Allison Williams has the prettiest limbs. We want her arms and legs. Hannah, Laird, and Elijah show up at Booth's apartment/office. There is an amusing confrontation about how Marnie is the bad friend, not Hannah. Marnie cries and admits she's not a good friend. Hannah yells, "I don't even care. We can keep being friends, as long as you admit you're a bad one." Ha. Elijah offers Marnie coke. Hannah tells Elijah that he is moving out. Hannah and Laird leave.

We love Laird. Hannah walks him to his apartment door and starts kissing him over and over. These manic little pecks. We loved this. Hannah tells Laird it's "just for tonight, for work." He is more than okay with that. He thinks Hannah is pretty and unbelievably out of his league. He repeats "Oh God," like he can't believe this is happening. We can't either Laird.

That was the craziest episode of Girls ever, but of course we loved it. Hannah is such a trainwreck. We can't wait to see the aftermath of this behavior and whether she actually gets a good article about it. Too bad she can never show her parents...or anyone else in her life for that matter. Or future employers.

Episode grade: A-