Sadie Hawkins- The midseason premiere was the dullest thing. Glee always makes a bigger deal of things than it should. A Sadie Hawkins dance is hardly a symbol for female empowerment in 2013 when asking out guys isn't as uncommon as it was when those dances were first invented. Also, girls like to be pursued and guys like to do the pursuing. Don't scream "gender stereotyping" at us. We usually hate that stuff, but when it comes to courting and mating, there are real differences between the sexes. Rebelling against the romance games because they are sexist is like rebelling against the sky for being blue: well intentioned (the sky would look so much better if it were purple), but pointless.
Tina's character is one of the most unlikable on TV and always has been. She's all over the place. In one episode, she's the sweet girl. In another, she's a liar. Then she's ambitious. Then she's emotionally unstable and in love. In this episode, she's desperate, stupid, and immature. Asking a gay guy to the dance? Can you get lower? Yes, you can. A show choir doing steroids. *Eyes closed. Exhale.* What-freaking-ever. Glee will twist any reality to get the results it wants. The club is back in the competition.
You know, most high school show choirs don't actually compete. They go around the community and perform at nursing homes, for charities, for parties, and for other organizations. Glee is content to keep spinning its wheels and showing us the same stakes, the same contests. They won last year. Do we really care if Marley brings home the trophy? Naw. We wonder if this show will even remember that there was a third singing group at Sectionals who wasn't disqualified. Doesn't that mean THEY will be the group to advance? Not in this world, we think.
Marley and Jake go to the dance together. Kitty and Puck dig each other, since they are both slutty jerks. Blaine is in love with Sam? We guess icy Kurt didn't officially take Blaine back on Christmas. They just had a hang out and a gay ice skating duet. That's fine. It's not like they were married. To tell you the truth, we'd rather see Sam and Blaine together than Brittany and Sam. Sam and Quinn were the cutest thing to ever hit this show though.
Rachel invites that one guy to move in with her shortly after sleeping with him. That's gonna be crowded. Kurt officially moves on without a second break up scene. He asks a hipster out. How do we even describe this guy? Well, he did a cover of someone else's cover of "Baby Got Back." This was no normal cover. Someone put a soft melody to it. It was disgusting to us all. He's waaaay too old looking to be dating Kurt. He's got serious laugh lines. He looks 35. Kurt looks like a fetus. This is going to creep us out.
As for the rest of the songs, I Don't Know How to Love Him always made us feel weird since it's about Jesus, and Tina's voice is unmemorable. So...meh. Tell Him is an annoying song, but the girls did a good job. One thing we like about Marley's voice is its versatility. While she's not as good as Lea Michele, she can do one thing Rachel Berry really can't: rock. Listen to the bridge of Holding Out for a Hero. Melissa Benoist can put on that Pat Benatar, old-fashioned rock girl sound. It sounds mature and natural, not like a kid trying to sound big.
We're already sick of Locked Out of Heaven. We didn't need Unique to ruin it for us more. No Scrubs was fine. We obviously prefer the original. I Only Have Eyes for You could have been nice if we'd actually gotten to hear it in the show. The only thing we really liked about this episode was the return of Lauren Zises. Sure, this show's cast is way too overstuffed, but she's funny and losing her would be a mistake for Glee.
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