Alcatraz - Kit Nelson

The criminal of the week is Kit Nelson, a child killer. So, a fan favorite, naturally. He goes into a little boy’s bedroom, kidnaps him while he sleeps, and leaves a white chrysanthemum on the kid’s bed. Hurley hears about the kidnapping on his police scanner and recognizes the detail of the flower as part of Kit’s M.O. Hurley alerts his partner and Hauser. Hauser remains unimpressed with Hurley’s skills, especially because of Hurley’s weak stomach. Hurley doesn’t like to see people killed, and a kidnapped child really rubs him the wrong way. Hauser can’t imagine why and wants Hurley off the team. Rebecca resists Hauser on this.

Back in the ‘60s, Kit would kidnap 11-year-old boys on Friday, keep them alive for the weekend, and then return their dead bodies to their homes on Sunday night. Hauser calls off the Amber Alert put out for the boy (Dylan) so that Kit Nelson won’t know the police are onto his eventual plan. That way, Kit will return Dylan’s corpse on Sunday night and Hauser will be able to catch him at the boy’s house. Hurley doesn’t like this plan, because it doesn’t involve saving Dylan, so Hurley makes it his personal mission to find and save Dylan before the weekend is up. We love you, Hurley. You do what Hurley would do, even when you are not Hurley. Even though one of us keeps calling you Hurley in the Alcatraz posts ....

Kit Nelson’s first kill was his little brother, because he was jealous of all the attention his mother gave him. Nelson spent the rest of his free life recreating that crime with other little boys. Nelson’s mother covered for him and said his brother died of scarlet fever, because she was unwilling to lose two children at once. Kit’s father hated him and was grateful for Alcatraz. Daddy Nelson even paid a visit to Alcatraz to tell his son that.

Because Hurley has studied all these prisoners and researched them, he knows that Nelson likes to do things like fishing, mini-golf, and desert-eating with his victims. Hurley ends up finding Nelson and Dylan in a diner, eating cherry pie. He calls Rebecca, but she doesn’t arrive in time. Hurley rashly decides to stall Nelson and Nelson quickly figures out that Hurley is onto him. We seriously loved how hard Hurley was trying to get that boy back. He did NOT want to let Nelson go. Sadly, Nelson got away with Dylan shortly after Rebecca arrived and was able to do nothing.

Hurley and Rebecca dig through Nelson’s items from the 1960s, when he checked into the prison. An item leads them to an old bomb shelter. There, they find Nelson and Dylan. Dylan runs and Nelson almost catches him, but Hauser appears, redeeming himself slightly, and shoots Nelson. Nelson dies. No one is sad. Hauser decides that Hurley is useful because of his expertise, but Hauser cautions Hurley that he needs an adult doctor, not Hurley the 11-year-old boy. That’s when we find out that Hurley himself was kidnapped at that age.

Hauser brings Nelson’s body to the new Alcatraz in the woods. He gives the body to Dr. Beauregard, the doctor who worked in the Alcatraz infirmary and tormented Nelson in the 60s. Beauregard had two kids himself, you see. In the present, Beauregard will be examining the body for clues or something. Just like Lucy, he hasn’t aged a day. Speaking of Lucy: she has not yet woken from her coma.

We are starting to really like this show. It seems we're not the only ones. The show got solid ratings in its second week and we don't think this episode will cause the show to lose many people. Hurley got more to do this time. Now, it’s time to develop Rebecca more.

Episode grade: B

One Upon a Time - 7:15 a.m.

David and Mary Margaret must really love each other, because they have been going to the diner at the same time, every day, in order to run into each other, even though that time is near the crack of dawn. You just know Mary Margaret has to get up an extra hour to do her makeup and pick out her outfit. This sounds awful, unless they are morning people. If they are, that’s further proof that they are meant for each other. Emma kindly points out to Mary that she is stalking a married man. Mary then runs into Catherine at a drugstore where Catherine is buying a pregnancy test! Uh oh!

Later, Mary Margaret finds a lost dove separated from his flock. She brings the dove to the pet shelter, where David works. The vet tells her that if the dove doesn’t find its flock before the flock moves on, it will be depressed forever. Mary goes into the woods to look for the flock so that she can release the dove into the flock before a storm hits Storybrooke. She almost falls off a cliff and David, who was following her, saves her. He wanted to make sure she didn’t get caught in the storm. When the storm hits, they break into an empty cabin. They tell each other that they still have feelings for each other. Then Mary’s conscience gets in her way, and she tells David that his wife might be preggers.

The thing is, David only has memories of his feelings for Catherine (which were planted by Regina) and real feelings for Mary. When David goes home, Catherine tells him that she is not pregnant and convinces him to go to marital counseling with Dr. Hopper. David decides to go to Granny’s at a different time so that he can avoid Mary. The trouble is, Mary has the same plan and they still end up running into each other. David tells Mary that his wife isn’t pregnant. Weirdly, this changes everything and they start kissing on the side of the road….right where Regina can see them. And she does see them. We understand that pregnancy might strengthen a man’s commitment, but it shouldn’t be the deciding factor, either way. We don’t know how we feel about David and Mary right now. Mostly we just hate Regina for putting them in this position, which is good, since she's the villain.

Henry goes up to the stranger who came to town last week and talks to him. Regina wants to know his story, so she asks Emma to check the guy out. Emma refuses until Regina says that the stranger was talking to Henry. Emma finds the stranger at Granny’s where he secures a drink with Emma at a future date in exchange for showing her what is in the box he is hauling around. Inside the box is a typewriter, because he’s a writer. Does that mean he will have the power to alter Storybrooke or the fairytale world? Will he be able to re-write parts of the story or help the town inhabitants discover things about themselves? We know there is a reason he’s a writer and we can’t wait to see how it is used.

In the Magical Kingdom, Snow White can’t get Prince James off her mind, even though he is marrying Princess Abigail soon. She is hiding out, alone, in the woods, and even though Red Riding Hood sometimes visits, Snow is going a little crazy from all the solitude. Red Riding Hood tells Snow that Snow could go to Rumpelstiltskin to take care of her love problem. Rumpy takes a piece of Snow’s hair as his price for a potion that would make her forget the prince. We’re pretty sure this is going to come back and bite Snow later… Before Snow can drink the potion, James sends her a message that says something like, “Come to the castle and stop my wedding and I’ll know you love me and I won’t marry the princess.” We don’t remember the exact words. Sue us.

As a Taylor Swift song about stopping a wedding ensconces itself into our heads, Snow rushes to the castle, but a guard throws her into the castle dungeons for trespassing. There, she meets Grumpy and Grumpy’s brother, Stealthy, breaks them both out of jail. In the escape, Stealthy dies. Not stealthy ENOUGH, eh? Apparently there's a reason he wasn't in the Disney version of this story ... Snow saves Grumpy’s life. He gets away and Snow is taken to see the king. The king tells Snow that Snow is going to need to break up with James. If Snow doesn’t tell James that she doesn’t love him, the king will just kill James. Then James will be some sort of martyr and the kingdom will be saved anyway. The king doesn’t want James marrying Abigail and then pining over Snow. That would kill the marriage and Abigail would go tell her daddy that it was the prince’s fault.

Snow obeys the king and James is upset. Snow leaves the castle and meets the seven dwarfs who offer her a place to stay. They are her new family. Grumpy convinces Snow not to take Rumpy’s potion, but to endure the pain of lost love instead. The next day, Grumpy rushes to Snow and tells her that James called the wedding off anyway. He is coming for Snow. Unfortunately, Snow doesn’t know what Grumpy is talking about. She took Rumpy’s potion. Like in that sappy-looking upcoming movie, The Vow (that we are totally going to see and love), James is going to have to make Snow fall in love with him all over again. Since they seem to love each other on sight, that probably won’t be too hard.

We thought the Storybrooke plotline was a little ridiculous. Saving doves doesn’t interest us. Neither do cheaters and false pregnancy tests. The fairy tale world part, however, was worth watching and nicely romantic. We’re excited about the stranger. Despite ourselves, we are excited that David and Mary seem to be unabashedly together, for now. At least until Regina ruins it. It’s time for a Ruby/Red Riding Hood backstory, no?

Episode grade: B

Pretty Little Liars - The Blonde Leading the Blind

If A kills Caleb, we will jump into our TV screens, find A, and kill him/her ourselves. Earlier, we posted a spoiler that said “a beloved character will die” and it won’t be one of the main four. If this “beloved character” is Caleb, we will be really and truly sad. It has to be Ezra! It just has to be! Caleb and Hanna have a real future. Aria and Ezra will have to sneak around for a very long time. It just makes sense from a writing perspective to tragically kill Ezra off so that Aria remembers him as her forbidden Romeo (redundant?) and free up the Aria character to have a different romantic arc.

After Toby falls and breaks his arm (because A is evil) Spencer sees Jenna in the hospital, visiting Toby, and realizes that she needs to re-break up with Toby. Dr. Wren is conveniently there, working on Toby’s case. Spencer gets Emily to tell Toby that Spencer is getting back with Wren. Toby does not take it well, confronts Wren from his hospital bed, and then drives the doctor out with threats of impending punching. Toby leaves a goodbye letter for Spencer. We guess Spencer is the only reason Toby had to stick around. Hell, we know that’s the only reason. The whole town thinks he’s creepy and we’re sure Toby is elated to be miles and miles away from creepy Jenna. In a cast of total weirdos, Jenna is the weirdest.

Speaking of creepy Jenna: Noel Kahn is dating her. Man, you just know that Noel Khan is the key to everything. He’s probably A. Meanwhile, Hanna is freaked out about Caleb’s involvement in the A situation. She refuses to tell him what’s going on and snatches his USB drive right out of his hands. Then she puts it in a blender right in front of his shocked face. Caleb says, “I want to protect you!” and begs to know what’s going on. We collectively swoon. But Hanna is stern-faced and decidedly against Caleb getting more involved. The way she sees it, he’s the one who needs protection, gender stereotypes be damned.

Caleb (obviously) had a back-up of the video Hanna destroyed and he is still going to decrypt the phone files for the other three girls. They will be keeping it a secret from Hanna. Oh Caleb, you are so dead. So, so dead. The hacker, Aria, Emily, and Spencer want there to be enough on the video that A's identity will be revealed and they can finally turn everything over to the police. If we were in this gang, we would have Caleb leave town to work on this project. Heck, we might run away and go with him until it is done and then blast everything to the police over the internet. Our parents would understand and forgive us later. Mona is still upset about being dumped. Hanna, you’re Leeard’s favorite, but you need to learn how to comfort people.

One thing we are sick of is this show playing shocking music and closing in on shocked faces when the revelations just aren’t that shocking. The NAT club was in Alison’s room the night she died, and Ian taped their meeting because Garrett wanted to quit the club and stop being such a freaking creeper?!!? Yawn. Alison was being threatened by A? Well, of course she was. We knew that from Halloween. Now the girls do too. Double yawn.

Aria is the Rachel Berry of this show: Always making things about herself. As soon as Spencer started lamenting about her relationship with Toby, Aria brought up Ezra. What a drone. She calls Ezra up and tells him to meet her in Philly, in front of this clock. Ezra has a lick of sense these days. Maybe he’s dating college girls now instead of high school ones, and they are teaching him the ways of adult women. So Ezra doesn’t even pick up the phone. Aria leaves a message and then goes to town with Holden as her cover. We still don’t know what that boy’s up to, but at least he’s not another A red herring.

Then an undergrad student who wrote a sappy love story convinces that love conquers all for the brave or something, and he runs into town to meet Aria. Of course, it’s raining. They kiss and are back together. Wouldn’t it be amazing if A were Ezra? We know he’s not. But still. This episode was strong on the romance front and weak on the mystery aspects. It’s great to see the show moving along and building toward the revelation of A. The last A scene, where she cut the photos of the girls’ boyfriends, was super creepy. At this point, we think the death is either Ezra or Caleb. For now, Toby is safe.

Episode grade: B

If you want to know the song that was playing while Aria was waiting for Ezra and Spencer was looking out the window, here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekNG8-hqm10

It’s Not Sex If You Can’t Remember It - Grades for this week's comedies

Shameless - Summer Loving

Sheila makes it out to a fruit stand, getting ever closer to Frank’s bar. Frank reaches a new low when he decides to find someone else to mooch off of and goes to a former bar patron, Dottie, who has health problems. She has a city pension that could go to Frank if he plays his cards right and wins Dottie’s heart before she dies. Dottie has lots of home repairs for Frank to take care of, but she can’t have sex with Frank, because it could kill her. Dottie is known for being a “butterface,” which means that she has a great body…but her face (is ugly). This is an accurate, if horrible, description of Dottie. Frank finds out that he is the male butterface. We don’t think that body is anything to write home about, Frank. Jasmine tries to set Fiona up with a sugar daddy. He turns out to be a nice guy, just along for the ride with a friend. He and Fiona have an honest, cute conversation about how it’s so not happening between them.

There wasn’t enough Fiona this week. Emmy Rossum is possibly the strongest thing about this show, and Fiona is the most developed and sympathetic character. Taking focus off of Fiona and putting it on Frank isn’t a great idea. Veronica breaks the rules at her job in order to take the elderly people at the retirement home on a fun excursion to the park. One man overexerts himself and kicks the bucket. It’s all very sweet, if a little morbid. Lip is upset that Karen seems to be taking her relationship with her new beau seriously. Ian tries gets Mickey a job at the Kash and Grab so Mickey can get redemption. Debbie is starting to show some growing pains this season and craves her own room. Frank shows compassion by lending his bedroom to a pregnant illegal immigrant. Carl moves into the van. This was funny filler. Our favorite part was when Fiona had her old diary read aloud.
Episode grade: B-

How I Met Your Mother - 46 Minutes

Lily and Marshall move to the suburbs, 46 minutes away and Barney becomes “leader of the group.” First destination? A strip club. Final destination? Lily and Marshall’s house where the gang find that it doesn’t matter if they have to travel nearly an hour by train. As long as they end up together, the group is just fine. Kevin and Robin play “relationship chicken,” which is where they both try to appear adventurous and flexible by agreeing to every suggestion. That’s how they end up at a strip club when neither of them wants to go.

Confession: Ern totally does that. Crazy restaurant with gross food? Ern is there! Go-karts even though Ern is a grown-ass woman? Ern is there. Beer festival? Ern is there (and wasted). This episode, while not as funny as we wanted it to be, at least showed Ern that she is not alone in being too agreeable at the beginning of relationships. And, actually, Ern ended up really liking the go-kart thing. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with trying out a guy’s interests for a while. What else is dating for, if not to learn about new people and have experiences?

The episode was briefly funny when Barney and Ted played poker with the Russian mob. The whole thing with Lily’s father trying to “help” Marshall and refusing to move out was not funny. Strip clubs are gross. The best part of this episode was the new intro with Barney as the head of the group. The show gets bonus points for playing a second version of that halfway through the episode. Overall though, the episode was dull and flat.
Episode grade: C+

New Girl - The Story of the 50

Jess prepares a party bus for Schmidt’s 29^th birthday. Schmidt gets drunk and tries to kiss Jess, which is why he had to put a 50 in the douchebag jar. There, see? We told that story a lot quicker than the gang in this episode. Nick has a new girlfriend named Julia who is played by Lizzy Caplan who was also in Party Down, True Blood, and Mean Girls (and Related!!). She was Janis. Yes, Janis is pretty in real life. We love Lizzy Caplan. This episode was mildly amusing. Jess acted intelligently, for the most part, which is a relief to Ern. We also got to see Schmidt as a fat college guy. Awww.
Episode grade: B+

Happy Endings- Makin Changes

Jane convinces Penny not to change herself for guys, but to find a guy to change instead. Penny starts dating Jeff, a 30-year-old who still acts like he is 20, played by Ryan Hansen (who will always be Veronica Mars' Dick Casablancas to one of us). Penny changes Jeff for the better and he goes back to his ex-girlfriend a new-and-improved man. Penny does manage to break her pattern though. Year of Penny! Jane brags about how she changed Brad, so Brad starts acting like he did back in college. Jane realizes that Brad changed her too, so she approaches Brad looking like she did in college (with pink hair). They admit that they grew up together. Alex and Max are addicted to shows like Hoarders and Intervention. They conduct an intervention for Dave to stop him from wearing V-necked t-shirts. All three storylines are funny. We love this show.
Episode grade: A-

Parks and Recreation - Campaign Ad

Paul Rudd is Leslie Knope’s opponent! Brilliant! He is adorable and makes the episode even funnier than it would normally have been. Leslie and Ben fight over whether Leslie’s ad should be positive or negative. Finally, they make a great ad that they both like. April and Andy have multiple doctor appointments so that they don’t have to seek medical attention for at least ten years. At the end of this post, we have included Leslie's full "pro list" because it was impossible to see in the episode.
Episode grade: A-

The Office - Pool Party

This episode was really weird, but it worked for Ern. The opening was one of the funniest Office openings we’ve seen in a while, especially the dog dressed as Dwight. Ern is starting to ship Erin and Dwight, and Leeard thinks that is gross. “Monogamy for my hog in me,” might be one of the best Andy lines ever. Man, weird WORKS for this show. Even Gabe was funny! There were multiple, audible laughs from us during this episode. We all know The Office needs to change in order to have new life, and this type of humor might be a good direction for it to go in. It's not the show it was, but it's a show that's still funny, in a way. 
Episode grade: A

Modern Family - Little Bo Bleep

There was lots of controversy about Lily saying the F-word, but we thought it was funny and realistic. Who doesn’t remember younger siblings, cousins, or their own children accidentally saying bad words without knowing the implications? The highlight of the episode though was Phil getting autotuned on youtube for talking about how much of a pervert he is for wanting to have sex with his wife. CLASSIC. Stella is the cutest dog in the world and we want her. We are with Jay on this one.
Episode grade: B

LESLIE'S PRO LIST

• More dog parks
• Senior citizens rights
• Safe streets
• Safe sidewalks
• Better schools
• Lower taxes
• Better parks
• Better business climate
• Better Better Business Bureau
• Cleaner streets
• Improve greenways
• More snow plows
• Protecting Pawneeans
• Improving tourism
• More trash cans
• Energy-efficient street lights
• Westside Detoxification and Revitalization Project
• Repaving Grand Avenue
• More teachers
• Fewer libraries
• Improve intergovernmental agency communication
• Clean-up Barefoot Lake
• Passing Pawnee Jobs Bill P-129.4
• Playgrounds in every park
• Playgrounds in every schoolyard
• Playgrounds in every residential block
• Clean energy
• One police officer for every 5 citizens
• One park ranger for every 10,000 raccoons
• Resodding Hilltop Cemetery
• Start talking to Cuba again
• Emergency evacuation drills
• Plow for Charity
• Forming an Ad Hoc Sub-Committee Oversight Committee
• Challenging the norm
• Pawnee Corn Subsidies
• Finally Passing PR-61, formally recognizing South Korea
• Official peace treaty with the Wamapoke Tribe
• Four-way stops at every intersection
• Unionizing ice cream trucks
• Get Europe out of debt
• Free trade with Illinois
• Enact RRP - Raccoon Relocation Project
• Pawnee Community College tuition in exchange for 4 years of public service
• Doubling Pawnee Hospital's emergency room nurse staff
• Legalize Korean
• Lower the obesity level
• Stop global terrorism
• Re-open the toucan exhibit at Pawnee Zoo
• Find Gabe the Toucan
• More community gardens
• Ordinance 11F: To Re-pave City Sidewalks
• Budget reform
• Updated Technologies for Local Schools
• Better retirement benefits for city employees
• Edward Phillips Senior Center Remodeling
• Speed bumps in front of elementary schools
• Unemployment benefits
• Re-instating the Main St. Farmers Market
• No turtles as pets
• New uniforms for youth sports programs
• Free public Wi-Fi
• Updated childcare facilities
• Shutting down the Child Left Behind program
• Handicap parking placards for the obese
• FREE PARKING EVERYWHERE
• Cleaner drinking water
• Regulate heights of trampolines
• Memorial for those lost in the trampoline "incident"
• Control the floods
• Funding for public art commission
• Fencing in correctional facilities
• New police patrol cars
• Funding overtime hours for police
• Rebuilding the PTA
• Prosecuting former PTA president Linda Trifle
• Profitable government organizations
• Shutting down underground shooting ranges
• Making sure city contracts employ local workers
• Providing more economic development grants and micro-loans to small businesses
• Foster partnerships with sister cities
• More buses to speed up morning commutes
• More streets to accommodate additional buses
• Require all city employees check and respond to email
• Working sewers
• More parades
• Grants for scientists to discover new forms of energy
• Leave a lasting impression on all visitors
• Challenge the norm
• Finish the statue of Burt Bacharach
• No more conflict diamonds
• Bulletproof glass everywhere
• Free cookies at every street corner
• One school for every student
• Require flattering mirrors in public restrooms
• Develop a municipal composting operation
• Enforce existing speeding and noise ordinances
• Upgrade existing parks
• Create an anti-graffiti, youth outreach program
• Free cake when it's your birthday
• Reevaluate NAFTA
• Rickshaw Wednesdays
• Making it illegal to refuse a hug
• Make downtown more people-friendly
• Sell candy in government buildings to pay down the debt
• Get Pawnee a licensed pharmacy
• Better screening processes at local adoption agencies
• Finding homes for the adopted children of Day Labor Corp.
• Prop 6A: To Recognize All Five Food Groups
• Replacing all glass with plastic at Pawnee Psychiatric Clinic
• Curfew for minors at The Pawnee Mall
• Stop paying Sweetums the so-called "thank you for being here" tax
• Mini-golf renovations
• Subsidizing educational and eco-friendly businesses
• Removing Zorp from all written laws
• Reducing Federal Government Experiments in town to 10 per year
• Ordinance 8R: A Goat Cannot Own/Inherit a Farm
• Legalize clapping
• New railway
• Prop 14: Religion Is Not a Science
• No longer recognizing the winner of the chili cook-off as a government position
• Stricter testing at Pawnee Blood Bank
• Boarding up unsanctioned "drop off" slot at Pawnee Blood Bank
• Encouraging the FDA to re-analyze our farms
• Funding for better and safer sewage treatment
• Thicker cement for containment of old sewage treatment factory
• Mandatory sexual harassment seminar for government employees
• Starting a dialogue with the people who live in the trees
• Pay off our debt to the Ringling Bros.
• Prove that we can safely host a circus again
• Ordinance 43K: Laws Cannot Be Secrets
• Recall Food N' Stuff branded hand sanitizer
• Disseminate the fund for a Pawnee Military
• Find the stolen cell phone tower
• Reduce obesity by .01% (100 lbs per family)
• Make the Pawnee Cemetery less flammable
• Less nudity on public-access television
• Capping the number of local public-access channels at 50
• Eliminate permit application process for legal ownership of a calculator
• Making Li'l Sebastian Day a legal holiday

Grey's Anatomy - Hope for the Hopeless (with emphasis on the Hopeless)

Richard: Performed his 10,000^th surgery. Bailey had prepared him a party with a large cake and other festivities, but Richard had to skip it in order to take his wife home. Adele had come into the hospital, crying, convinced that Richard had left her. She watched him perform surgery from the gallery and they sang “Funny Valentine” together. That was their wedding song. We know this was supposed to be heartbreaking, but we didn’t care. We’ve never cared about Adele. We know the actress who plays Adele can sing in real life, but you could hardly tell from this. Disappointing.

Zola: It’s her first birthday. Meredith baked her a sweet little cake (which she ended up giving to Richard) and planned a night party. Nearly all of Seattle Grace was in attendace.

April: Is still annoying. She decides that she and Jackson should move out of Meredith’s house. After all, Meredith and Derek have a child now. They are a “real family” and they need their own space. April later decides that she and Jackson can’t afford a good new place unless Alex moves with them.

Guest stars!: The chief’s surgery is a liver transplant. One sister is giving part of her liver to the other sister. The sisters are played by Peri Gilpin (Roz Doyle on Frasier) and Nia Vardalos (from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, duh). They were pretty funny.

Meredith: She spent the whole episode trying to pick a specialty after some pushing from Owen. She doesn’t want to declare general surgery, because she doesn’t want to end up just like her mother. Cardio is Cristina’s and neuro is off the table since Derek doesn’t trust her at work anymore. Everyone thinks that general surgery is her best pick. The chief assures Meredith that while she has her mother’s gift for general surgery, Meredith will never end up like Ellis, because Meredith has a good heart and Ellis was the freaking devil.

Lexie and Derek: These two have a difficult case to work on. It’s an 11-year-old boy with a 5% chance of surviving the tough surgery they are going to perform on his brain. He has a tumor and his mother doesn’t think he knows. His mother tells the boy that he is in the hospital for back problems. However, the boy knows about his tumor, because he heard some doctors talking about it. He tells Lexie that he knows about his health problems, and he asks Lexie not to tell his mother, because “she’s happy when I’m happy.” We can’t believe that mom said he was “a young 11.” This kid is a rock star adult in a child’s body. When Derek and Lexie open the boy up, Derek realizes he can’t do anything for him. Lexie freaks and gets kicked out of the O.R. After the surgery, the boy admits to his mother that he knows he is dying. It’s really sad. Later, at Zola’s birthday party, Derek asks Lexie if she wants out of the more difficult neuro cases. Lexie says that of course she doesn’t want out. Good girl.

Callie, Arizona, Mark: The girls spend all day trying to get Mark to tell Julia that he loves her. Mark finally shuts them down by saying that he doesn’t want to rush the relationship and ruin it too fast, even though he is glad that Callie and Arizona like his new girlfriend. Callie and Arizona need a storyline right about now.

Bailey: Nothing, thank God. We are so sick of her unrealistic, nauseating boyfriend dramas.

Teddy, Cristina, and Owen at the hospital: Teddy is doing better and is getting along with Cristina really well. The target of her wrath is Owen. Owen wants to talk, but Teddy wants to be left alone. Cristina and Teddy got into workaholic mode and worked for days straight, without sleep. Owen smells a potential liability there and tells the two of them to go home. However, Teddy and Cristina couldn’t resist stealing one last difficult surgery before leaving. The way they stole it was genius and really funny. Owen should have let it go just for the pure brilliance of their conniving ways. Owen finds out that Teddy and Cristina are performing the surgery when they are halfway through it. He bursts in and Cristina tells him to get out, because it’s a hard surgery and they should have their fight later. As Owen walks out of the O.R., he hears Teddy and Cristina making fun of the “throbbing vein in his forehead.” Oh, real smart, you guys. He is going to KILL you.

Owen and Cristina at Zola’s party: Owen walks into Meredith’s just in time to see Cristina playing with Zola, telling Zola about her awesome surgery, and speaking in baby-talk. We know this just kills him. They go into the kitchen for what Cristina thinks will be a discussion solely about Teddy. Owen punishes Cristina by telling her that he is taking her off Teddy’s service. Separating the dream team! Cristina replies that this is unacceptable, that he is just feeling guilty for Henry’s death, and that since Henry died on Cristina’s O.R., that means Teddy gets anything she wants from Cristina, forever. That includes Cristina as her student to distract Teddy from grief. Owen starts hollering about how Cristina always gets what she wants and that everything in their lives is all about her, and that she can’t even accept a simple punishment when he could have fired her.

This isn’t the life he wanted for himself, he says. Cristina realizes he’s talking about her abortion. It's realistic that Owen would not be over this and that the show would have to address it again. Cristina is all, “It always comes back to that. Is it too much to ask that we just put that behind us and forget it?” Then he yells, “You killed our baby. You don’t ever forget that!” All of their colleagues are in the other room, listening. After Owen’s devastating line, the camera cuts to Zola, who looks confused. Way to slam it home, show. Meredith’s voiceover asks, “When do you just throw in the towel?” Was this a breakup fight? If so, most awkward breakup ever. We are still sort of rooting for these two to make it though and get past all the crap they’ve had to wade through for three years. Lots of people say this relationship is based completely on lust, but we think there’s something more to it if they’ve held on through all this drama. We still think their season five arc was one of the best romance arcs in Grey's history. There can still be forgiveness and growth, if the writers choose to stick with these two. We think they have a lot of potential to round each other out.

We have to wait two weeks for a new one and that one will be the “what if” episode, so we won’t know this couple’s fate for a while. This was the major cliffhanger of the week. If they break up, we are shipping Cristina/Jackson and Owen/Julia. We like Julia and we want her to stick around. Let’s get Lexie and Mark back together, already. This episode was classic Grey’s.

Episode grade: B+

The Secret Circle - Witness

The episode opens right where last week’s left off. Cassie and Adam have just kissed and Jake walked in on them. Jake tells the kissers that he led the witch hunters away from Cassie before escaping to come back and share vital information. The witch hunters have a council and that council has a ritual they can use in order to kill witches with dark magic. Jake tells Cassie that 16 years ago, the council killed her father. Adam decides that Jake is a liar and that Jake is just trying to figure out how to really kill Cassie. Cassie trusts Jake, since Jake saved her life last time she saw him.

Jake tells Cassie that he remembers being at the boat on the day of the fire that killed their parents. He was a toddler, but he thinks that Cassie can use her magic to help him uncover his repressed memories so that they can see what happened that night. Unsurprisingly, Cassie is able to perform a spell that transports herself and Jake back in time. Jake is unable to move forward beyond the portion of the boat that he remembers clearly. When he tries, he gets a headache. Apparently the painfulness of the memories are too much for him to bear.

Cassie ditches him in the spell, and Jake wakes up, back in the real world. Cassie is still in a trance. Jake tries to wake her, but can’t, and calls Adam and Diana. Back in time/in the spell, Cassie sees Jake’s parents discussing whether to continue using magic. They think that if they stop, the witch hunters will leave them alone. They talk about how Cassie's father, John Blackwell, betrayed her mother, Amelia. They mention that John Blackwell is on the boat. Just then, witch hunters appear, kill Jake's father, and drag Jake’s mother off into a room with some other women. One of the women has a slit throat. Cassie sees the toddler version of Jake looking upset. A dark-haired woman inside the spell notices Cassie and tells Cassie that she is "not supposed to be here."

Cassie also sees Adam’s dad, Ethan, who had told Adam that he was NOT on the boat the day of the fire. Later, when she tells Adam this, everyone wonders why Ethan lied. We’re sure they will question Ethan later. Back to the spell world. Cassie follows the witch hunters to another portion of the boat. The witch hunters have John Blackwell. JB is hooded, so Cassie can’t see his face. It’s a creepy-ass hood, so we have no trouble believing he is both mysterious and a little evil. The hunters set JB on fire and Cassie starts to choke on the smoke in the room. In the real world, Cassie coughs and her friends are concerned.

Cassie sees her father break free and escape the boat. He’s alive. WE TOLD YOU HE WAS ALIVE. (see the fifth paragraph) We hope no one is surprised by this development. Cassie wakes up from the spell, shares her info, and then goes to the site of the boats remains. There, she finds a silver necklace that her dad dropped. She decides that this is what protected him from the witch hunters’ ritual and now that she has the necklace, she is safe. Jake tells Cassie that her father must be dead, because there is a grave with his name on it in town. Cassie and Jake dig the grave up and find a dog skeleton inside the coffin. Cassie’s dad was a dog?!!! Ha, just kidding. We’re not that dumb. Obviously John Blackwell killed a dog. And he will pay….

Annoyingly, Faye is still hanging out with Lee. She finds out that he and a creeper friend, Callum, dealt some sort of devil weed. It’s a drug with ties to Satan or something. Lee warns Faye that there is a reason he stopped dealing the drug, even though Callum still deals it. Callum gives some of it to Faye at the end of the episode. If we know reckless, curious, fearless Faye, and we do, we know she will try the drug soon. Probably in the next episode.

Charles is still on the outs with Dawn, since Dawn threatened his mother. Charles wants to find out Dawn’s ultimate plans. Dawn goes to Ethan, playing the damsel in distress, and says that Charles choked her. Ethan told Dawn that Charles choked him with water too. Ethan goes to Charles, knocks him out, steals his crystal, chokes him, and runs off. Charles tells Ethan that it was Dawn who killed Henry. Ethan claims to not believe Charles, but when Dawn asks for the crystal later, Ethan doesn’t give it to her. Ethan: smarter than he looks. How does he look? Pretty hot, actually.

We feel like this episode, while long overdue, only told us things we had already known or guessed. The Ethan stuff was the only interesting thing to us. Still, eventful. It moved the show along and thickened the plot.

Episode grade: B