How adorable was this movie? Those of you who haven’t seen it yet are in for a real treat. It was just darling. It’s about Queen Elizabeth’s father and his stuttering problem. Despite this stuttering problem, everyone in his horrible family keeps making him give speeches, so he has to fix it. Now, we know a movie about a speech an old king of England makes doesn’t sound interesting, but it is. In fact, an hour into the movie, it felt like we had been watching for about 20 minutes.
There’s aren’t explosions, sex scenes, twists, or special effects in this movie. It’s script, character, story, and acting driven. Normally, we would say to wait and rent this kind of movie, but we think it's perfect for an outing, so see it in theatres. It will leave most of the people in your group smiling, and it's the sort of thing you want to pay attention to. We loved seeing Helena Bonham Carter play someone normal and … dare we say it? ... cute. Everyone else was great too, of course. If you like European history at all (or good movies at all), you don’t want to miss this (not that this is really historically accurate). It isn’t one of those critical darling movies that you aren’t going to like. It may sound like a drag, but it’s not at all. That’s the only surprise of the movie (you’ll predict most of the plot after a few minutes, even if you know nothing about the historical figures involved), and it’s fun to see it unfold.
Movie Grade: A
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Grey's Anatomy - Disarm recap/review
You have to hand it to Grey's Anatomy. After years of plotlines, hype, and offscreen drama, it still knows how to be one of the most entertaining shows on TV, whether you admire it as art or not. Last night, all of the doctors got to work on their issues through saving lives in the aftermath of a campus shooting. It was like a repeat of their own disaster, only this time, they got to save everyone and look at it all more objectively. Because this episode was so much about the doctors, the patients and their speeches and their love lives were left out, and every patient lived.
The opening sequence of the episode showed three couples in bed together, waking up. Meredith and Derek were fighting, because Derek was hanging out with Cristina and cutting former-best-friend Meredith out of the loop. They still had to have sex though, because Meredith was ovulating. (Meredith-“I’m too mad to even look at you.” Derek- “Well then, roll over.”) Then the show cut to a happy, giggling couple that we were astounded to find out was Owen and Cristina. Well, enjoy the giddiness while it lasts, because there is no way these two can stay drama-free for too long. Owen got a page from Teddy and flew out of the bedroom, and Cristina left to explore the city. Then we saw Mark and Lexie in bed together. You know how much we care about Mark and Lexie? We had forgotten that they were back together; that’s how much. Arizona went to Callie’s in the morning, still trying to win Callie back. Callie told her to go back to Africa. Waka Waka.
Owen met Teddy and the patient who needs insurance at the courthouse. Apparently, Teddy needed a witness and she has no other friends other than a married guy that she used to crush on. That’s healthy (sarcasm). Through the TV, we begged Owen to stop Teddy from being crazy, but he didn’t do it. Selfish. He was probably just happy that someone else was making a really juvenile mistake so people would stop getting on HIM for getting married too soon. Look out Cristina and Owen, there is a new insane couple in town, and they are Teddy and … well, she probably doesn’t know his name either.
Cristina was wandering the city. If you have ever been to Seattle (and we know one reader has), then you know it’s not a HUGE city. When one of us visited and wanted to see the space needle, she just looked at it, walked toward it, and got there. So we laughed at the writers when Cristina asked someone where the space needle was. She lives there. She knows the general direction in which to walk. But whatever, she should have been going to Pike Place market anyway. Cristina saw emergency vehicles speeding toward a Seattle college campus and followed. She got there just in time to see EMTs loading a guy onto an ambulance who needed surgery, stat. We cried a little when Cristina finally said, “Someone needs to crack his chest!” We knew that she was back. Awww. Cristina rode with the patient to the hospital and performed a thoracotomy (whatever that is and however you spell it). Teddy and Owen were shocked when she rolled into the drop-off, but they both let her go into the O.R. Teddy also brought Luscious Jackson in, just in case Cristina froze again.
But yes, there had been a campus shooting, and 26 patients were on their way to Seattle Grace, even though the hospital doesn’t have that many operating rooms. April Kepner got to live out a real-life version of Owen’s crazy trauma training where there was just a mosh pit of patients to save and no operating rooms. We knew that was going to come full-circle. Lexie evacuated a blood clot by herself. Bailey screamed at a patient and God, calling God a bastard, and this brought the patient back to life (no kidding, that’s just how awesome the voice of Bailey is).
A 15-year-old genius college student had been shot, and dirty old Stark wanted to cut off her leg when Alex thought they could save it. Arizona, up in the gallery, told Karev, “Body block him!” Alex did. Oh Alex, that’s why we love you. Alex probably knew he wouldn’t get in too much trouble. Separating an attending from his patient in an emergency doesn’t come close to cutting an L-Vad wire, for instance. Arizona asked the chief for privileges and stole Stark’s patient. Callie helped her, telling Stark, “You’re new here, but in this hospital, we take shootings personally.” Stark went to whine to the Chief, but Weber shut him down and told him to go save lives. Callie and Arizona saved the girl and the leg.
After a cop who had seen and taken down the shooter arrived, the identity of the shooter was revealed. It was Cristina and Teddy’s patient. We noted that this patient was, in fact, a ginger. We should have known, because according to the great, wise, and wonderful South Park, gingers have no souls. Jackson freaked out and left the operating room, even after Teddy gave a rousing speech about professional responsibility ("I operated on Iraqi soldiers who blew up dozens of our guys. I didn’t like it, but I did it”). Cristina stayed. Owen came by to check on her, and left as soon as he saw her NOT on the floor, in a fetal position. We’re getting pretty sick of looking at Owen’s “Worry Face.” Can he please smile more? Well, in another episode, maybe. This time, it’s understandable.
A professor who had helped students escape to the roof had fallen from a window as he tried to follow them. His wife was in the waiting room, and Meredith became obsessed with her. She took this day as a chance to whine to Derek about how no one seemed to be giving her enough pity for going through a trauma too. She talked about how hard it was to be the wife in the waiting room and kept leaving to update this woman when Derek needed her. In the end, Meredith was vindicated by Derek’s realization that she had a point, but still. We don’t think this was the right time, Mer, you brat.
Alex had compassion for the shooter, telling Jackson that the shooter had to be mentally ill and hurting to do such a thing. He said, “My brother just had a psychotic break and tried to kill my sister. If he got hurt, even if he got hurt hurting people, I’d want his doctors to save him. No matter what he did he’s still my little brother.” So when Jackson met the shooter’s worried mother, he was kind to her and gave her an update on his condition. A crowd gathered outside the hospital and sang the college’s Alma Mater with candles. Which was sweet, but we hope they didn’t get in the way of things or distract too many people.
After all the patients had been saved, all the main characters gathered in the gallery to watch Teddy and Cristina finish up. They cried and laughed over their victory (except for mean Stark, who was inexplicably shaking his head). The Chief hired Arizona back, but she has to work under Stark. Arizona once again pleaded with Callie for another chance, giving a heartfelt speech. Callie responded with, “You had to fly across the world to get to me, Arizona, because you flew a whole world away without ever looking back. This might be news to you, I think it kind of is, but there are two of us in this relationship. And you came back today, but I didn’t.” Sorry Arizona, you have to come up with a better speech than the one you tried, because Callie has been speech-writing, and she will bust you up. Lexie said, “I love you” to Mark, and Teddy toasted her new “marriage” with her new husband at Joe’s. Actually, Teddy’s new husband pretty much made her toast the marriage, even though Teddy wasn’t in the mood. Good job, Teddy, you married someone pushy AND gushy.
Cristina and Meredith met up at the hospital. We are so glad the show didn’t drag out the reunion and make it dramatic. Cristina asked Meredith to get a drink and Meredith said yes, but “not a real drink, since I’m trying to get pregnant.” Cristina suggested crack cocaine as they walked off, arm-in-arm. Meredith’s voiceover said something mushy that made no sense since we hadn’t been listening to what she said earlier. But we were happy. There was some nice tension to this episode, but it wasn’t much of a downer. (Was it too happy?) It had some character development and resolutions. Most of all, we are thrilled to have Cristina back and better than ever.
Episode grade: A-
You can watch this on hulu.com for the next three days.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Modern Family - Slow Down Your Neighbors recap/review
This episode was pretty funny, but it wasn’t as funny as the Cougar Town premiere that came after it. Check that out. Both of those episodes are up on hulu.com.
Mitchell and Cam spotted a stranger using their hot tub. (“Mitchell, there’s a stranger in our hot tub!” “Who is it?” “You do know what stranger means, don’t you?”) The stranger turned out to be a potential Reiki master/hippie named Barry, and he was played by the super-hot James Marsden. Barry told his new neighbors that he had moved into the upstairs apartment and thought that the hot tub was for all residents. By then, Mitchell and Cam had seen Barry without his shirt on, so they didn’t care anymore. Barry used some Reiki on Cam’s arm, causing Mitchell to think Barry was a nut. Cam got on Mitchell’s case for being too judgmental, and Barry won Mitchell over and used Reiki on Mitchell’s whole body. In the end, the landlady told Cam that the upstairs apartment was empty. Then her husband honked the horn and the landlady said, “You so lucky they not let you get married.” Annoying joke, because it wasn’t that funny, the “my spouse is a pain” joke is so 90s, and we’re sure that the fact that some straight people have unhappy marriages comforts gay people who are treated unequally (sarcasm). Cam discovered that Barry was living in Lily’s princess castle and tried to get him out of it. Barry does not like to be touched, so this turned into a little tousle. Mitchell won and got to hear Cam tell him that he was right.
We love James Marsden, but we thought this character was a little too over-the-top. Too zany and cartoonish. And after the season two Cougar Town premiere with the hippie Jennifer Aniston AND this episode, we are starting to think that ABC has something against new age types. Eckhart Tolle, look out. We know plenty of people are into energy work, and they are nowhere near that crazy, and they have homes. True, there are a few crazies who do that, but most of them are too hastily judged. Besides, Reiki is to energy work as lifting up your friend to crack their back is to chiropractics. Basic, and likely done by people who don’t know a whole lot about even holistic medicine. But having an energy worker who doesn’t like to be touched is funny, because there isn’t a lot of touching involved.
Claire was angry at an unknown driver who was speeding and driving recklessly down their street. She stood on the side of the road with an air horn, ready to yell, “Slow down, you jerk” at the driver when she passed. Phil took the air horn from her, turned to Luke, and said, “Luke, I am your father!!! That’s what I said when you were coming out of your mom’s lady parts.” Oh, Phil, this is why you are Ern’s favorite character on this show. Claire put called the cops, chased the driver, and even put up signs that said, “Slow Down Your Neighbors” with the license plate number of the care in the middle of the phrase. This was a running joke, because the sign was supposed to read like Claire was saying, “Slow down, (sincerely/from) your neighbors,” but instead it looked like a command for neighbors to slow each other down. (Did we really have to explain that? Possibly).
Phil got a new client and a house to sell, and he had to win over the client to keep the job. Sadly, the seller turned out to be the speedy driver. Anxious to beat a competitor and be the number one salesman this quarter, Phil tried to keep his wife away from his client and started taking down Claire’s signs. Claire rode home with Phil’s client and found out the truth. Her face looking at Phil standing on the side of the road as she rode away in the client’s car was classic. Claire felt betrayed, but Phil told us, “I called the florist and ordered on dozen Mylar balloons. Good luck staying mad, honey.”
Manny wanted to ride bikes with a group of cool kids at his school. As he was heading to school on his new bike, Jay spotted a couple of big training wheels. (“You don’t know how to ride a bike?” “I know how to ride this bike.” “Steven Hawking could ride that bike.” – Jay and Manny) He confronted Gloria for never teaching Manny how to ride a bike, and it turned out that Gloria couldn’t ride either. Manny put on lots of padding (he looked like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle), and Jay easily taught him how to ride, despite the fact that Manny is usually so clumsy that he falls on moving airport walkways. Gloria did not take to the bike so well. She was worried about falling, being embarrassed, and people grabbing her. Gloria determined that Jay was too harsh of a teacher, so she sought out someone “gentle, womanly even” to be her new teacher. Naturally, she goes right for Phil, because the “this man is girly” joke never, ever gets old (sarcasm). No wonder kids who watch more TV have gender stereotypes more deeply rooted in their brains. Phil had to work, so Luke stepped in. (“I never taught anyone anything, but my playdate was cancelled, so I was wide open” –Luke) His way of teaching Gloria was to shoot her with a giant squirt-gun until she rode away from him. This worked very well, and it was one of the funniest things about the episode. Gloria DID get grabbed though (by Claire, who needed the bike to chase down the speeder). When everyone realized what a great teacher Luke was, they sicced Luke on his oldest sister who was trying to do her homework.
Episode Grade: B
Mitchell and Cam spotted a stranger using their hot tub. (“Mitchell, there’s a stranger in our hot tub!” “Who is it?” “You do know what stranger means, don’t you?”) The stranger turned out to be a potential Reiki master/hippie named Barry, and he was played by the super-hot James Marsden. Barry told his new neighbors that he had moved into the upstairs apartment and thought that the hot tub was for all residents. By then, Mitchell and Cam had seen Barry without his shirt on, so they didn’t care anymore. Barry used some Reiki on Cam’s arm, causing Mitchell to think Barry was a nut. Cam got on Mitchell’s case for being too judgmental, and Barry won Mitchell over and used Reiki on Mitchell’s whole body. In the end, the landlady told Cam that the upstairs apartment was empty. Then her husband honked the horn and the landlady said, “You so lucky they not let you get married.” Annoying joke, because it wasn’t that funny, the “my spouse is a pain” joke is so 90s, and we’re sure that the fact that some straight people have unhappy marriages comforts gay people who are treated unequally (sarcasm). Cam discovered that Barry was living in Lily’s princess castle and tried to get him out of it. Barry does not like to be touched, so this turned into a little tousle. Mitchell won and got to hear Cam tell him that he was right.
We love James Marsden, but we thought this character was a little too over-the-top. Too zany and cartoonish. And after the season two Cougar Town premiere with the hippie Jennifer Aniston AND this episode, we are starting to think that ABC has something against new age types. Eckhart Tolle, look out. We know plenty of people are into energy work, and they are nowhere near that crazy, and they have homes. True, there are a few crazies who do that, but most of them are too hastily judged. Besides, Reiki is to energy work as lifting up your friend to crack their back is to chiropractics. Basic, and likely done by people who don’t know a whole lot about even holistic medicine. But having an energy worker who doesn’t like to be touched is funny, because there isn’t a lot of touching involved.
Claire was angry at an unknown driver who was speeding and driving recklessly down their street. She stood on the side of the road with an air horn, ready to yell, “Slow down, you jerk” at the driver when she passed. Phil took the air horn from her, turned to Luke, and said, “Luke, I am your father!!! That’s what I said when you were coming out of your mom’s lady parts.” Oh, Phil, this is why you are Ern’s favorite character on this show. Claire put called the cops, chased the driver, and even put up signs that said, “Slow Down Your Neighbors” with the license plate number of the care in the middle of the phrase. This was a running joke, because the sign was supposed to read like Claire was saying, “Slow down, (sincerely/from) your neighbors,” but instead it looked like a command for neighbors to slow each other down. (Did we really have to explain that? Possibly).
Phil got a new client and a house to sell, and he had to win over the client to keep the job. Sadly, the seller turned out to be the speedy driver. Anxious to beat a competitor and be the number one salesman this quarter, Phil tried to keep his wife away from his client and started taking down Claire’s signs. Claire rode home with Phil’s client and found out the truth. Her face looking at Phil standing on the side of the road as she rode away in the client’s car was classic. Claire felt betrayed, but Phil told us, “I called the florist and ordered on dozen Mylar balloons. Good luck staying mad, honey.”
Manny wanted to ride bikes with a group of cool kids at his school. As he was heading to school on his new bike, Jay spotted a couple of big training wheels. (“You don’t know how to ride a bike?” “I know how to ride this bike.” “Steven Hawking could ride that bike.” – Jay and Manny) He confronted Gloria for never teaching Manny how to ride a bike, and it turned out that Gloria couldn’t ride either. Manny put on lots of padding (he looked like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle), and Jay easily taught him how to ride, despite the fact that Manny is usually so clumsy that he falls on moving airport walkways. Gloria did not take to the bike so well. She was worried about falling, being embarrassed, and people grabbing her. Gloria determined that Jay was too harsh of a teacher, so she sought out someone “gentle, womanly even” to be her new teacher. Naturally, she goes right for Phil, because the “this man is girly” joke never, ever gets old (sarcasm). No wonder kids who watch more TV have gender stereotypes more deeply rooted in their brains. Phil had to work, so Luke stepped in. (“I never taught anyone anything, but my playdate was cancelled, so I was wide open” –Luke) His way of teaching Gloria was to shoot her with a giant squirt-gun until she rode away from him. This worked very well, and it was one of the funniest things about the episode. Gloria DID get grabbed though (by Claire, who needed the bike to chase down the speeder). When everyone realized what a great teacher Luke was, they sicced Luke on his oldest sister who was trying to do her homework.
Episode Grade: B
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
V - Red Rain recap/review
Last season, Erica destroyed Anna’s eggs, and Anna flipped, finally developing human emotions. Then Anna turned the sky red, and all of us said, “That’s it?” But the show has gotten a little better already. Stuff happened in the premiere, so if you missed it, be sure to read the black text.
The episode opened with Erica having a disgusting dream where Anna melted Tyler’s face. We knew it didn’t really happen, but it was gross. We actually kind of wish it happened. Tyler’s not our favorite character, by far. Marcus let Anna know that the ship captains were afraid that Anna was weakening because of her reaction to the death of her potential soldier children. She confronted them and made mincemeat out of one, to make an example. Ryan, meanwhile, worried about his lizard daughter, but Anna kept her to experiment on and expelled Ryan to earth. It is Anna’s hope that Ryan join the Fifth Column and that she will be able to control him better now that she has the daughter to hang over his head. Ryan went right back to Erica and the gang.
Chad reported that the red sky caused riots and earthling unease, and Anna refused to say a word about the Visitors’ involvement with the red sky. Chad also went to Father Jack’s church looking for forgiveness and redemption for helping the Visitors trick the humans, using the media. To gain Father Jack’s trust, Chad had to tell him that humans were being tortured on the V ship. To prove it, Chad gave Father Jack recordings of the human test subjects in interviews. Chad has now joined the Fifth Column as a spy. Right as the red sky started raining what looked like blood but probably wasn’t, Erica used her son to get onto the V’s ship and question Anna. Anna put her big face in the sky and told the humans that the red sky and rain would heal the earth, including that pesky global warming problem. Because people are stupid, they believed her at her word. Anna told Lisa to hook up with Tyler, probably to provide Anna with another half human/half lizard.
Anna found out that a human scientist was close to figuring out the real cause and purpose of the red sky, so she sent someone to kill him. Lisa told Erica about the scientist, and Erica went to the university to grab him first. Then we found out that the red rain has lots of phosphorous (Dun dun dunnnnn). No, really, that’s bad, because that makes the humans better vessels for V babies. Erica remembered that she had very high levels of phosphorous in her blood when she was pregnant and wondered if she and Tyler were V test subjects.
Anna killed her remaining babies to stop herself from having emotions. This doesn’t work, because we see her cry a little. Then she went to some weird, dirty cave room to talk to her mother. What’s with Anna’s mother stepping out of her weird cocoon dressed like she is the next drag queen at a Vegas show? Were those fishnet stockings and platform heels?
This episode would probably get people at least a little interested in this show, so that’s good. The show still needs more action/tension and for the characters to hook our emotions, and we still wonder if making Elizabeth Mitchell the lead was the right choice. But we liked this premiere. At this point, we are still unhooked, but we are still curious. Erica is pretty cool, but none of these characters wring any emotion from us. And Anna needs to be scarier. There needs to be some sort of Big Bad behind her, especially if she is just going to start acting like your typical woman right before her period (remember how 24 used to show us the real scary dude at the end? V should take note). The alien takeover needs to be more horrifying. We need some real tension and a real reason to care.
Episode Grade: B
The episode opened with Erica having a disgusting dream where Anna melted Tyler’s face. We knew it didn’t really happen, but it was gross. We actually kind of wish it happened. Tyler’s not our favorite character, by far. Marcus let Anna know that the ship captains were afraid that Anna was weakening because of her reaction to the death of her potential soldier children. She confronted them and made mincemeat out of one, to make an example. Ryan, meanwhile, worried about his lizard daughter, but Anna kept her to experiment on and expelled Ryan to earth. It is Anna’s hope that Ryan join the Fifth Column and that she will be able to control him better now that she has the daughter to hang over his head. Ryan went right back to Erica and the gang.
Chad reported that the red sky caused riots and earthling unease, and Anna refused to say a word about the Visitors’ involvement with the red sky. Chad also went to Father Jack’s church looking for forgiveness and redemption for helping the Visitors trick the humans, using the media. To gain Father Jack’s trust, Chad had to tell him that humans were being tortured on the V ship. To prove it, Chad gave Father Jack recordings of the human test subjects in interviews. Chad has now joined the Fifth Column as a spy. Right as the red sky started raining what looked like blood but probably wasn’t, Erica used her son to get onto the V’s ship and question Anna. Anna put her big face in the sky and told the humans that the red sky and rain would heal the earth, including that pesky global warming problem. Because people are stupid, they believed her at her word. Anna told Lisa to hook up with Tyler, probably to provide Anna with another half human/half lizard.
Anna found out that a human scientist was close to figuring out the real cause and purpose of the red sky, so she sent someone to kill him. Lisa told Erica about the scientist, and Erica went to the university to grab him first. Then we found out that the red rain has lots of phosphorous (Dun dun dunnnnn). No, really, that’s bad, because that makes the humans better vessels for V babies. Erica remembered that she had very high levels of phosphorous in her blood when she was pregnant and wondered if she and Tyler were V test subjects.
Anna killed her remaining babies to stop herself from having emotions. This doesn’t work, because we see her cry a little. Then she went to some weird, dirty cave room to talk to her mother. What’s with Anna’s mother stepping out of her weird cocoon dressed like she is the next drag queen at a Vegas show? Were those fishnet stockings and platform heels?
This episode would probably get people at least a little interested in this show, so that’s good. The show still needs more action/tension and for the characters to hook our emotions, and we still wonder if making Elizabeth Mitchell the lead was the right choice. But we liked this premiere. At this point, we are still unhooked, but we are still curious. Erica is pretty cool, but none of these characters wring any emotion from us. And Anna needs to be scarier. There needs to be some sort of Big Bad behind her, especially if she is just going to start acting like your typical woman right before her period (remember how 24 used to show us the real scary dude at the end? V should take note). The alien takeover needs to be more horrifying. We need some real tension and a real reason to care.
Episode Grade: B
Southland - Let it Snow recap/review
Yay! Southland is back. It really is a good show. Southland is one of those shows that you have to sit down and watch. You won't get into it if you are surfing the web at the same time or if you just have it on in the background. It is a procedural, but there is a lot of character development. You can jump right into the story, but don’t expect the show to just repeat the same ground like most procedurals.
In the season three premiere, Lydia is still dealing with her new partner, Josie. We think Josie is pretty annoying, and we wish she’d get shot or something and go away. Lydia and Josie investigated a missing person’s case and found the missing woman’s body inside the bathroom ceiling of the office building where she had worked. She had been duct taped and strangled. Yikes. Evidence pointed to the building’s security guard, but all of the victim’s friends were immigrants and didn’t want to talk to the cops (the victim was a cleaning lady, by the way). Lydia and Josie turned to DNA evidence, but before they could get the arrest warrant, the suspect fled to the airport. The two cops followed the suspect’s car and Josie spun the cop car out to get the suspect. Lydia caught the baddie and the DNA came through, but Lydia was angry with Josie for her crazy actions. We kind of like Josie’s recklessness, but her personality is irritating, so we are on Lydia’s side for this one.
Sammy and Nate investigated the deaths of two gang members whose bodies were found under a highway with bullets in their heads. A homeless man let the cops know what type of car the victims were dropped out of. The victims had been investigated for a gang rape, but they got off, because the victim had been drinking. The victim was a gang leader’s daughter, and the gang leader had just the kind of car that had dropped off the victim’s bodies. Even though Nate felt bad for the guy who was just sticking up for his daughter, when blood was found in the trunk, the gang leader was arrested. We felt for the gang leader too.
Chickie, Chickie’s partner, John, and Ben’s job this week was to go to the scene of a bank robbery and help out Sarge, who had been shot. They rescued Sarge, and Ben chased after one of the robbers. The robber shot himself in the head rather than let Ben catch him. In this episode, John was still suffering from back pain and was having trouble getting pills. Ben had to help him to his car at one point. Ben asked John to get help, but John wants to keep handling this solo. Ben, we’ve got this show we think you should watch. It’s called Intervention. “Millions of Americans suffer from addiction. Most need help to stop.”
This was an action-packed, classic Southland episode. It was also decently bloody (the bank robber shooting himself in the head was on-camera). We just wish we weren’t so annoyed with the new character, Josie. That needs to pan out or get less aggravating. Good premiere.
Episode grade: B+
In the season three premiere, Lydia is still dealing with her new partner, Josie. We think Josie is pretty annoying, and we wish she’d get shot or something and go away. Lydia and Josie investigated a missing person’s case and found the missing woman’s body inside the bathroom ceiling of the office building where she had worked. She had been duct taped and strangled. Yikes. Evidence pointed to the building’s security guard, but all of the victim’s friends were immigrants and didn’t want to talk to the cops (the victim was a cleaning lady, by the way). Lydia and Josie turned to DNA evidence, but before they could get the arrest warrant, the suspect fled to the airport. The two cops followed the suspect’s car and Josie spun the cop car out to get the suspect. Lydia caught the baddie and the DNA came through, but Lydia was angry with Josie for her crazy actions. We kind of like Josie’s recklessness, but her personality is irritating, so we are on Lydia’s side for this one.
Sammy and Nate investigated the deaths of two gang members whose bodies were found under a highway with bullets in their heads. A homeless man let the cops know what type of car the victims were dropped out of. The victims had been investigated for a gang rape, but they got off, because the victim had been drinking. The victim was a gang leader’s daughter, and the gang leader had just the kind of car that had dropped off the victim’s bodies. Even though Nate felt bad for the guy who was just sticking up for his daughter, when blood was found in the trunk, the gang leader was arrested. We felt for the gang leader too.
Chickie, Chickie’s partner, John, and Ben’s job this week was to go to the scene of a bank robbery and help out Sarge, who had been shot. They rescued Sarge, and Ben chased after one of the robbers. The robber shot himself in the head rather than let Ben catch him. In this episode, John was still suffering from back pain and was having trouble getting pills. Ben had to help him to his car at one point. Ben asked John to get help, but John wants to keep handling this solo. Ben, we’ve got this show we think you should watch. It’s called Intervention. “Millions of Americans suffer from addiction. Most need help to stop.”
This was an action-packed, classic Southland episode. It was also decently bloody (the bank robber shooting himself in the head was on-camera). We just wish we weren’t so annoyed with the new character, Josie. That needs to pan out or get less aggravating. Good premiere.
Episode grade: B+
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
How I Met Your Mother - Bad News recap/review
This episode was entitled “Bad News” and we even got a countdown to the bad news. The countdown started with the number 50 in the first scene at the doctor’s office and continued until the number 001 on Lily’s cab, just before the bad news. We didn’t like the countdown, because it was sort of cheap and lessened the impact of the bad news. A lot of people didn’t even catch the countdown and didn’t know the name of the episode. It seems like an effort to be clever that didn’t quite pay off. If you care, here are all the numbers you might have missed: http://himymcountdown.tumblr.com/
But let’s go back. Lily and Marshall were worried that they hadn’t conceived yet, so they saw a fertility specialist. The specialist, Dr. Stangel, was Barney’s doppelganger. Marshall and Lily were afraid that it was really Barney messing with them and trying to see up girls’ skirts, so they had the real Barney attend the checkup so they could see both Barneys at once. Lily’s womb was cleared by the doctor, so Marshall started wondering if the problem was in his own junk. Because he only likes to give his father good news, he avoided his father’s phone calls. While he was trying to masturbate into the little cup that he had taken home (for privacy), his parents showed up for a visit. Lily explained to Marshall's parents what was going on.
Barney ended up posing as the doctor to tell Marshall to play laser tag with him, saying that it helps with sperm count, but he got caught. Dr. Stangel (the real one) told Marshall that his swimmers were strong.
Robins started her new job at World Wide News. Robin’s former co-host that no one (especially Ted) could stand, Sandy Rivers, is the host at her new station. Sandy started showing everyone all the funny things that have happened to Robin during her time with the media, including Robin Sparkles and falling in horse poop. Sandy also found a Robin Sparkles Owl Attack video that Ted thought was funny, but we (unfortunately) didn’t get to see. And to top it off, Sandy lied and told everyone that Robin slept with him. To defend Robin, Ted crept by Sandy’s house using some very lame ninja moves, and he got a picture of Sandy without his toupee and about to engage in sex with some … uh … interesting people. We’re pretty sure he’s a furry. Unless it was a real bear ...
Rather than out Sandy for the toupee, which turns out to be the one thing he’s keeping a secret, Robin humbled herself and wore a Robin Sparkles jacket to work. Future Ted let us know that she had a good career there and everything went fine after that, especially once a guy spilled coffee all over himself and became the new punchline.
The episode (and countdown) ended with Lily finding Marshall and telling him that his father died of a heart attack. Lily cried, they hugged, and Marshall said, “I’m not ready for this.” So, so sad. Probably the most serious and tragic moment in How I Met Your Mother history. It doesn't swing from zany comedy to emotion as well or as often as, say, Scrubs. Despite the fact that the end was such a downer, we think it’s good that Marshall and Lily have an issue to work through that doesn’t involve pregnancy now. We already know that she is going to get pregnant. We liked the twist. It was a surprise that the bad news wasn’t about pregnancy, and it was emotional. The episode wasn’t as funny as other episodes though. We need more Barney.
Episode Grade: B
You can watch this one at CBS.com
But let’s go back. Lily and Marshall were worried that they hadn’t conceived yet, so they saw a fertility specialist. The specialist, Dr. Stangel, was Barney’s doppelganger. Marshall and Lily were afraid that it was really Barney messing with them and trying to see up girls’ skirts, so they had the real Barney attend the checkup so they could see both Barneys at once. Lily’s womb was cleared by the doctor, so Marshall started wondering if the problem was in his own junk. Because he only likes to give his father good news, he avoided his father’s phone calls. While he was trying to masturbate into the little cup that he had taken home (for privacy), his parents showed up for a visit. Lily explained to Marshall's parents what was going on.
Barney ended up posing as the doctor to tell Marshall to play laser tag with him, saying that it helps with sperm count, but he got caught. Dr. Stangel (the real one) told Marshall that his swimmers were strong.
Robins started her new job at World Wide News. Robin’s former co-host that no one (especially Ted) could stand, Sandy Rivers, is the host at her new station. Sandy started showing everyone all the funny things that have happened to Robin during her time with the media, including Robin Sparkles and falling in horse poop. Sandy also found a Robin Sparkles Owl Attack video that Ted thought was funny, but we (unfortunately) didn’t get to see. And to top it off, Sandy lied and told everyone that Robin slept with him. To defend Robin, Ted crept by Sandy’s house using some very lame ninja moves, and he got a picture of Sandy without his toupee and about to engage in sex with some … uh … interesting people. We’re pretty sure he’s a furry. Unless it was a real bear ...
Rather than out Sandy for the toupee, which turns out to be the one thing he’s keeping a secret, Robin humbled herself and wore a Robin Sparkles jacket to work. Future Ted let us know that she had a good career there and everything went fine after that, especially once a guy spilled coffee all over himself and became the new punchline.
The episode (and countdown) ended with Lily finding Marshall and telling him that his father died of a heart attack. Lily cried, they hugged, and Marshall said, “I’m not ready for this.” So, so sad. Probably the most serious and tragic moment in How I Met Your Mother history. It doesn't swing from zany comedy to emotion as well or as often as, say, Scrubs. Despite the fact that the end was such a downer, we think it’s good that Marshall and Lily have an issue to work through that doesn’t involve pregnancy now. We already know that she is going to get pregnant. We liked the twist. It was a surprise that the bad news wasn’t about pregnancy, and it was emotional. The episode wasn’t as funny as other episodes though. We need more Barney.
Episode Grade: B
You can watch this one at CBS.com
Ern Absolutely, Completely Agrees With This Article
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and the rest of the Millenium Trilogy is poorly written and boring.
http://shelf-life.ew.com/2011/01/04/i-hate-the-dragon-tattoo-books-new-yorker/
http://shelf-life.ew.com/2011/01/04/i-hate-the-dragon-tattoo-books-new-yorker/
Pretty Little Liars - Moments Later recap/review
When we last left the four Pretty Little Liars, Hanna (Leeard’s favorite character), Aria (our least favorite character), Emily, and Spencer (Ern’s favorite character), drama was pretty high. Hanna had just gotten hit by a car, Hanna’s mom had stolen lots of cash, Aria had just been seen (by a mysterious someone) kissing Mr. Fitz, Emily’s mom saw the pictures of Emily kissing Maya, Toby got arrested, and Spencer saw a carving in a tree trunk that indicated that Alison had a relationship with Ian.
At the start of this episode, Hanna’s mom was informed by a cop that Hanna was hurt. Her mom went to the hospital and questioned the other three girls about what happened and got nothing. Hanna woke up with some broken bones and informed the girls that Noel is A. Our first response was: who the f is Noel? And then we remembered. Noel is the guy crushing on Aria that Hanna tried to set Aria up with. Hanna saw Noel writing “I SEE YOU” on Ezra Fits’ car. Aria confronted him, and he said that he was just at Camp Mona to pull pranks on girls and have fun in the woods. He saw Aria kissing her teacher and wrote the warning (probably out of jealousy). Noel offered to stand up for Aria in front of the principal if Mr. Fitz was forcing Aria to have a romantic relationship. Aww, we like Noel better now. Aria asked Noel not to say anything.
So that means we still don’t know who A is. Ughh. Which is creepy, because he/she snuck into Hanna’s hospital room at night and wrote, “Sorry I lost my temper. My bad. Love, – A” on Hanna’s cast. This freaked all the girls out, but we kinda loved it. If A tried to kill Hanna because she "knew too much" and she doesn't really know who A is, what DOES Hanna know that Hanna is missing?
Lucas (the nerdy guy who is friends with Hanna) came into Hanna’s room at night and gave her a kiss while she pretended to be sleeping. During a daylight hospital visit, Hanna questioned Lucas about it and told her that she just wanted to be friends. Lucas left, upset. Bad move, Hanna. That guy would be so great to you. We were impressed that he wasn't willing to pretend that he's okay with their relationship, though. We love honest people.
Hanna also had a creepy dream about Alison coming as a ghost and giving guidance. Alison said that Hanna should start lying more, that telling the truth is what got Alison killed, and that if the girls put their heads together, they could figure out what happened the night Alison died.
Ian and Spencer’s icky sister eloped. The girls decided that there is more than one A, including Alison’s murderer. Mr. Fitz and Aria had some “sweet” moments. Is anyone else ready for them to get caught by parents? Even if he’s cute, it’s not ok. It's illegal. Emily tried to see Toby to explain that she didn’t turn him in, but Jenna wouldn’t let her. Emily called Jenna out for her creepy relationship with Toby. Emily’s dad came upstairs to question her about Toby, and Emily told her dad that she was gay. Emily’s dad was not happy, but he was willing to accept Emily’s decisions and needs. Emily’s mother wanted to take a harder stance against Emily’s homosexuality, but the dad stood up for Emily, saying that she is alive and healthy, and after what he’s seen in war, that counts for a lot. It was sad to see neither parent take the stance that Emily’s relationship was ok, but the dad telling the mom that it’s “who she is” is acceptable, for now. It's better than a lot of girls would get from their dads after telling them this kind of news.
We liked this premiere and there was good direction, but the show can be better. We're glad to have it back.
Episode Grade: B+
This episode is on hulu
At the start of this episode, Hanna’s mom was informed by a cop that Hanna was hurt. Her mom went to the hospital and questioned the other three girls about what happened and got nothing. Hanna woke up with some broken bones and informed the girls that Noel is A. Our first response was: who the f is Noel? And then we remembered. Noel is the guy crushing on Aria that Hanna tried to set Aria up with. Hanna saw Noel writing “I SEE YOU” on Ezra Fits’ car. Aria confronted him, and he said that he was just at Camp Mona to pull pranks on girls and have fun in the woods. He saw Aria kissing her teacher and wrote the warning (probably out of jealousy). Noel offered to stand up for Aria in front of the principal if Mr. Fitz was forcing Aria to have a romantic relationship. Aww, we like Noel better now. Aria asked Noel not to say anything.
So that means we still don’t know who A is. Ughh. Which is creepy, because he/she snuck into Hanna’s hospital room at night and wrote, “Sorry I lost my temper. My bad. Love, – A” on Hanna’s cast. This freaked all the girls out, but we kinda loved it. If A tried to kill Hanna because she "knew too much" and she doesn't really know who A is, what DOES Hanna know that Hanna is missing?
Lucas (the nerdy guy who is friends with Hanna) came into Hanna’s room at night and gave her a kiss while she pretended to be sleeping. During a daylight hospital visit, Hanna questioned Lucas about it and told her that she just wanted to be friends. Lucas left, upset. Bad move, Hanna. That guy would be so great to you. We were impressed that he wasn't willing to pretend that he's okay with their relationship, though. We love honest people.
Hanna also had a creepy dream about Alison coming as a ghost and giving guidance. Alison said that Hanna should start lying more, that telling the truth is what got Alison killed, and that if the girls put their heads together, they could figure out what happened the night Alison died.
Ian and Spencer’s icky sister eloped. The girls decided that there is more than one A, including Alison’s murderer. Mr. Fitz and Aria had some “sweet” moments. Is anyone else ready for them to get caught by parents? Even if he’s cute, it’s not ok. It's illegal. Emily tried to see Toby to explain that she didn’t turn him in, but Jenna wouldn’t let her. Emily called Jenna out for her creepy relationship with Toby. Emily’s dad came upstairs to question her about Toby, and Emily told her dad that she was gay. Emily’s dad was not happy, but he was willing to accept Emily’s decisions and needs. Emily’s mother wanted to take a harder stance against Emily’s homosexuality, but the dad stood up for Emily, saying that she is alive and healthy, and after what he’s seen in war, that counts for a lot. It was sad to see neither parent take the stance that Emily’s relationship was ok, but the dad telling the mom that it’s “who she is” is acceptable, for now. It's better than a lot of girls would get from their dads after telling them this kind of news.
We liked this premiere and there was good direction, but the show can be better. We're glad to have it back.
Episode Grade: B+
This episode is on hulu
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Tangled
Tangled is funny and sweet, and it also succeeds as a story about control and fear. It has songs, dancing, frolicking, a romantic boat ride, sacrificial love, brilliant Disney animals with unrealistically heightened consciousnesses and personalities, a villain (who is more realistic than most Disney villains), a princess, and a better version of a classic story.
Mandy Moore is adorable as the voice of Rapunzel, and Chuck's Zachary Levi takes on the male lead. Disney is trying to appeal more to boys, so they named this Tangled and put the male lead at the center of the advertising campaign. Enjoy this one, because according to news outlets, Disney is pulling the plug on princess movies. Little girls no longer want to be princesses. Studies show that they are more interested in being "hot" and "cool." Yeah, that's a little sad. We enjoyed this old-school Disney fairy tale and its innocent/non-cynical content.
Mandy Moore is adorable as the voice of Rapunzel, and Chuck's Zachary Levi takes on the male lead. Disney is trying to appeal more to boys, so they named this Tangled and put the male lead at the center of the advertising campaign. Enjoy this one, because according to news outlets, Disney is pulling the plug on princess movies. Little girls no longer want to be princesses. Studies show that they are more interested in being "hot" and "cool." Yeah, that's a little sad. We enjoyed this old-school Disney fairy tale and its innocent/non-cynical content.
We went with no kids, and everyone liked it. Everyone in the group (except one guy) teared up. The kids behind us seemed to like it too. Good, clean fun. It’s not as good as some of our favorite recent kids’ movies (Finding Nemo, How to Train Your Dragon), but if you want to see this, you won’t be disappointed.
Movie Grade: A
Devil
We heard that we should see this at home, on DVD, rather than in theatres, so we did. This was great advice, because Devil was not worth paying ten bucks each to see. It is an M. Night Shyamalan horror movie that is rated PG-13, which means it isn’t gory or that scary.
It was mildly entertaining, and there were some interesting parts. It was better than his last couple of movies (Lady in the Water and The Last Airbender). We also liked that M. Night is giving unknown actors opportunities. But, overall, if you miss this one, you shouldn’t worry. If it’s on TV some day and you are doing laundry, watch it.
Leeard's side note: I will never see Devil. I got trapped in an elevator the day after it came out in theaters, and the ONLY thing I could think about was this movie.
Movie Grade: C
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
When Do Your Shows Start?
January 2, Sunday
-ABC: Brothers and Sisters at 10, Desperate Housewives at 9
January 3, Monday
-ABC: The Bachelor at 8, Castle at 10
-CBS: Hawaii Five-O at 10, How I Met Your Mother at 8, Mike and Molly at 9:30, Rules of Engagement at 8:30
-ABC Family: Pretty Little Liars at 8
January 4, Tuesday
-NBC: Parenthood at 10, The Biggest Loser Couples at 8
-ABC: V at 9, Detroit 1-8-7 at 10
-CBS: Paula Abdul's Live to Dance at 8
-TNT: Southland at 10
January 5, Wednesday
ABC: Better with You at 8:30, Cougar Town at 9:30, The Middle at 8, Modern Family at 9
DirecTV 101: Friday Night Lights at 9
FOX: Human Target at 8
NBC: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit at 9
January 6, Thursday
CBS: The Big Bang Theory at 8, CSI at 9, The Mentalist at 10,
ABC: Grey's Anatomy at 9, Private Practice at 10, Wipeout at 8
January 7, Friday
CBS: Blue Bloods at 10, CSI:NY at 9, Medium at 8
SyFy: Merlin at 10
January 9, Sunday
NBC: The Cape at 9
January 10, Monday
FOX: Lie to Me at 9
January 11, Tuesday
CBS: The Good Wife at 10, NCIS at 8, NCIS:Los Angeles at 9
FX: Lights Out at 10
MTV: Teen Mom 2 at 10
January 12, Wednesday
NBC: Chase at 9
CBS: Criminal Minds at 9
ABC: Off the Map at 10
January 16, Sunday
HBO: Big Love at 9
January 17, Monday
NBC: Chuck at 8, Harry's Law at 10
SyFy: Being Human at 9
Fox: House at 8
MTV: Skins at 10
January 18, Tuesday
CW: Life Unexpected at 8
USA: White Collar at 10
January 19, Wednesday
FOX: American Idol at 8
January 20, Thursday
NBC: 30 Rock at 10, Community at 8, The Office at 9, Outsourced at 10:30, Parks and Recreation at 9:30, Perfect Couples at 8:30
Fox: Bones at 8
USA: Fairly Legal at 10, Royal Pains at 9
January 21, Friday
Fox: Fringe at 9
Starz: Spartacus: Gods of the Arena at 10
January 24, Monday
CW: 90210 at 8, Gossip Girl at 9
January 25, Tuesday
CW: Hellcats at 9, One Tree Hill at 8
January 27, Thursday
FX: Archer at 10
CW: Nikita at 9, The Vampire Diaries at 8
January 28, Friday
CW: Smallville at 8, Supernatural at 9
February 4, Friday
CBS: The Defenders at 8
February 6, Sunday
Fox: Glee (after the Superbowl. This show will be on Tuesdays starting the following week)
February 7, Monday
Fox: The Chicago Code at 10, Traffic Light at 9:30
February 8, Tuesday
Fox: Raising Hope at 9
February 20, Sunday
CBS: The Amazing Race at 8
February 23, Wednesday
CW: America's Next Top Model at 8
February 28, Monday
NBC: The Event at 9
March 29, Tuesday
ABC: Body of Proof at 10
Did we miss a show you need? Comment and tell us. Unless it's Two and a Half Men or Family Guy, two shows we intentionally ignore. Be sure to check the "Recent Interesting Links" page to see some commentary on the new shows premiering.
-ABC: Brothers and Sisters at 10, Desperate Housewives at 9
January 3, Monday
-ABC: The Bachelor at 8, Castle at 10
-CBS: Hawaii Five-O at 10, How I Met Your Mother at 8, Mike and Molly at 9:30, Rules of Engagement at 8:30
-ABC Family: Pretty Little Liars at 8
January 4, Tuesday
-NBC: Parenthood at 10, The Biggest Loser Couples at 8
-ABC: V at 9, Detroit 1-8-7 at 10
-CBS: Paula Abdul's Live to Dance at 8
-TNT: Southland at 10
January 5, Wednesday
ABC: Better with You at 8:30, Cougar Town at 9:30, The Middle at 8, Modern Family at 9
DirecTV 101: Friday Night Lights at 9
FOX: Human Target at 8
NBC: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit at 9
January 6, Thursday
CBS: The Big Bang Theory at 8, CSI at 9, The Mentalist at 10,
ABC: Grey's Anatomy at 9, Private Practice at 10, Wipeout at 8
January 7, Friday
CBS: Blue Bloods at 10, CSI:NY at 9, Medium at 8
SyFy: Merlin at 10
January 9, Sunday
NBC: The Cape at 9
January 10, Monday
FOX: Lie to Me at 9
January 11, Tuesday
CBS: The Good Wife at 10, NCIS at 8, NCIS:Los Angeles at 9
FX: Lights Out at 10
MTV: Teen Mom 2 at 10
January 12, Wednesday
NBC: Chase at 9
CBS: Criminal Minds at 9
ABC: Off the Map at 10
January 16, Sunday
HBO: Big Love at 9
January 17, Monday
NBC: Chuck at 8, Harry's Law at 10
SyFy: Being Human at 9
Fox: House at 8
MTV: Skins at 10
January 18, Tuesday
CW: Life Unexpected at 8
USA: White Collar at 10
January 19, Wednesday
FOX: American Idol at 8
January 20, Thursday
NBC: 30 Rock at 10, Community at 8, The Office at 9, Outsourced at 10:30, Parks and Recreation at 9:30, Perfect Couples at 8:30
Fox: Bones at 8
USA: Fairly Legal at 10, Royal Pains at 9
January 21, Friday
Fox: Fringe at 9
Starz: Spartacus: Gods of the Arena at 10
January 24, Monday
CW: 90210 at 8, Gossip Girl at 9
January 25, Tuesday
CW: Hellcats at 9, One Tree Hill at 8
January 27, Thursday
FX: Archer at 10
CW: Nikita at 9, The Vampire Diaries at 8
January 28, Friday
CW: Smallville at 8, Supernatural at 9
February 4, Friday
CBS: The Defenders at 8
February 6, Sunday
Fox: Glee (after the Superbowl. This show will be on Tuesdays starting the following week)
February 7, Monday
Fox: The Chicago Code at 10, Traffic Light at 9:30
February 8, Tuesday
Fox: Raising Hope at 9
February 20, Sunday
CBS: The Amazing Race at 8
February 23, Wednesday
CW: America's Next Top Model at 8
February 28, Monday
NBC: The Event at 9
March 29, Tuesday
ABC: Body of Proof at 10
Did we miss a show you need? Comment and tell us. Unless it's Two and a Half Men or Family Guy, two shows we intentionally ignore. Be sure to check the "Recent Interesting Links" page to see some commentary on the new shows premiering.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Why Ern Hates Twilight - an old rant, edited/re-worked for this blog
Leeard is out of town and unable to get on the internet today. This leaves Ern full reign to trash one of Leeard's favorite books (Leeard's side note: this is NOT one of my favorite books for any other reason than it's mindless and easy to read. In terms of quality, it's not even on my list) on the blog. (Pause for evil laugh.) You may be thinking, "Twilight has been trashed to death...do we really need another blogger trashing it?" The answer is, of course, yes, because it is Twilight, and it cannot be trashed ENOUGH. Now, Leeard AGREES with Ern on most of these points and is certainly smart enough to notice them herself. (You don’t know this, but Leeard is a bona fide genius. It scares me.) We have argued about Twilight before, and Leeard just says that she is able to enjoy it in spite of these things. But I can’t.I read the first book and thought it was among the stupidest, most self-indulgent things ever written. Alice was kind of a cool character, but she was hardly in it!!! Toward the end, when I realized that nothing was going to happen except two pretty people making googly eyes at each other, I threw the book across the room. I shipped it off to some unknown purchaser (via Amazon), along with a scathing letter to them for buying it from me. I read it because it was popular. I trust my fellow man and I want to discuss things with people. People keep comparing them to Harry Potter. This isn’t right. Harry Potter was about courage, love, anti-materialism, equality, anti-prejudice, etc. Twilight is just a bunch of gush. Harry Potter appealed to millions of people of all ages and genders, all over the world, of different religions, cultures, intellects, and interests. It was truly special. Let’s face it, Twilight appears to girls, young women, and sad old women in the West. That’s it. After I finished “shitelight,” to see what happens later without wasting hours of my life, I read the summaries of the next three books on Wikipedia. Now, I like vampires most of the time, because I think when you get immortal beings with unlimited power, youth, good looks, and money, an author can show how miserable that is. They can show how what humans think they want is the opposite of what they are made for. I also like books set in high schools, and, sometimes when it’s good, romance. But this…ergh.
Things I didn’t like:
• Edward is borderline abusive. His “best” quality is
that he loves Bella obsessively. This shows that many girls don’t care about
who a guy is, just how he makes them feel about themselves or how obsessed with
them a guy is. His abuse manifests itself in little scenes like when he lies to
her, takes the engine from her car so she can’t go visit another man, watches
her when she sleeps, says creepy things like, “You are my life now,” and beats
her to a pulp the first time they have sex (unintentionally, of course). He
apologizes profusely, but she insists it wasn’t that bad and that it was
“perfect.” Lots of people are thinking, “No, no! He’s just protective of Bella
and concerned for her safety!” Nope. In real life, that’s a red flag.
The Domestic Violence Guide lists characteristics of
domestic violence:
1. constantly
criticize you and your abilities as a spouse or partner, parent or employee?
2. behave
in an over-protective manner or become extremely jealous?
3. threaten
to hurt you, your children, pets, family members, friends or himself?
4. prevent
you from seeing family or friends?
5. get
suddenly angry or "lose his temper"?
6. destroy
personal property or throw things around?
7. deny
you access to family assets like bank accounts, credit cards, or the car, or
control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?
8. use
intimidation or manipulation to control you or your children? hit,
punch, slap, kick, shove, choke or bite you?
9. prevent
you from going where you want to, when you want to, and with whomever you want
to?
10. make
you have sex when you don't want to or do things sexually that you don't want
to do?
11. humiliate
or embarrass you in front of other people?
Edward qualifies for 7
out of 11
• The author writes most of her guys as controlling like
this. The other guy after Bella, a werewolf, forces her to kiss him and talks
about suicide if she doesn’t stay with him. Clearly, these guys are both drama
queens who need a healthy dose of Xanax.
• Romeo and Juliet style, in the second book when they
cannot be together, Bella mopes around, acts depressed, and nearly kills
herself by jumping off a bluff (according to Wikipedia). When Edward thinks
Bella is dead, he tries to have some super-bad vampires kill him. This is
pretty much the plot of that whole book.
• Bella is selfish, psychotic and clearly unable to
function without a man.
• He’s 107 and she’s 17. Statutory rape, duh. And why
would an adult want to be with a child?
• He’s a 107-year-old virgin. This is probably because
the author is a Mormon (which is fine, but doesn't make for realistic
non-Mormon character behavior when you project your values on them). 107 and a
virgin. How unlikely is that? This is clearly a deep-seated, stupid fantasy for
this author. Realistically, as a Godless guy, he would have had sex by now.
Mormons can pull that off; vampires usually can’t. Twilight lovers will argue,
“He didn’t have sex because he was afraid of killing the human he sexed up.” So
in 107 years, he didn’t find another vampire?
• One of the main vampire problems is solved because in
this series, vampires can live off animals. This takes the bite completely out
of the topic of vampires. It makes it more friendly, but it conveniently robs
it of conflict and makes vampirism look attractive. It makes vampirism look
attractive a LOT, actually. And usually it isn’t. Usually the lesson is to
accept the life you’ve been given. Not in Twilight. In Twilight, the lesson is
that living forever is the happy ending and that you should totally leave your
family for a guy before you are old enough to drink.
• Half of the first book is just a description of how good-looking the guy is. Take a look at this little gem another blogger pointed out: “He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didn’t sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal.” Yes, that’s in the book. That's some of the better writing in that book too.
• Half of the first book is just a description of how good-looking the guy is. Take a look at this little gem another blogger pointed out: “He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didn’t sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal.” Yes, that’s in the book. That's some of the better writing in that book too.
• The main character’s name is “Bella Swan.” Has anyone
thought about this? Also, Bella is one of those flat, weak, passive girls. She
falls all the time just to give the main guy character an excuse to pick her up
and carry her around. This happens a lot. Bella is not interesting because the
author intends for Bella to have no real faults. She describes herself as
“plain”, but as soon as she arrives at a new school, every guy is after her. So
either she is stupid, afflicted with false modesty, or written so as to not
have a fault like pride that freakin’ everybody has.
• Edward is the main male love interest. He is jealous, flat, obsessive, intense, and not nearly mysterious enough. In the first movie that came out this last year, he was played as if he had Aspergers Syndrome. (I saw it with a friend to laugh and then I realized that I was just giving MORE time to Twilight. Yeah, sometimes I make bad decisions. The movie is long, boring, unintentionally funny, and plotless. All that happens is the two fall in love and look at each other for a long time. They don’t even fall in love for any good reason either. Then there is some violence tacked on at the end.) They are going for dark and brooding, but it comes off as creepersville to lots of people.
• Edward is the main male love interest. He is jealous, flat, obsessive, intense, and not nearly mysterious enough. In the first movie that came out this last year, he was played as if he had Aspergers Syndrome. (I saw it with a friend to laugh and then I realized that I was just giving MORE time to Twilight. Yeah, sometimes I make bad decisions. The movie is long, boring, unintentionally funny, and plotless. All that happens is the two fall in love and look at each other for a long time. They don’t even fall in love for any good reason either. Then there is some violence tacked on at the end.) They are going for dark and brooding, but it comes off as creepersville to lots of people.
• Bella gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby, even
if it might kill her. Because, to Mormons, there is nothing worse than getting
an abortion, except for maybe having sex before marriage. Most rational people,
even pro-life people, think it’s ok to have an abortion when the mother’s life
and health are at-risk. But the author has her own politics to push. There is a
whole gross birthing scene where it’s like half vampire and it shatters her
spinal cord or something. She survives (darn). Someone told me that Edward ate
the placenta. Actually, that’s kind of awesome/hilarious.
• They go to the prom at the end of the first book. Also,
Edward can't go into the sunlight....otherwise he GLITTERS. Gasp! It’s so lame.
• It’s poisoning pre-teen girls’ minds, giving
them ridiculous notions about men and love, give up everything (including their
souls) for a boyfriend, and teaching them to act pathetically for months after
a boyfriend leaves them. Also to cut off family and friends and other interests
for the boyfriend.• It gives girls unrealistic, unhealthy expectations. It’s emotional porn with no other substance. Girls want to be desired and treasured, and that is why these books are so popular. But guys are people too. They are going to have bad days, they are going to dislike things about you sometimes, and they are going to have other interests besides you. Furthermore, they are not going to be obsessed with you right away, to that level, or it’s going to be too weird.
• The books are unoriginal. It’s a complete rip-off of other (better) vampire romance books. Young readers are better off sticking with The Hunger Games, Divergent, Harry Potter, or the Mortal Instruments series.
But this is my main reason---
Even though the main focus of Twilight is that it’s a love story, I would argue that the kind of love Twilight contains isn’t love at all. This quote sums it up. Talking about a song he wrote about struggling to hang onto yourself and your goals while living in a marriage, Switchfoot lead singer Jon Foreman said-- “In our barcode media, love is often portrayed as consumption. As consumers in a commercial driven culture we can begin to view other souls as objects, or potential cures for our deepest fears and insecurities. ‘Perhaps if I found the right lover I would no longer feel this deep existential despair.’ But of course no human soul could be the Constant Other, the face that will never go away. Only the infinite can fill that role. But the silence can be deafening. It's a fearful thing to be alone. Do you love me enough to let me go? ‘I can't live without you’- ‘I would die if you ever left me’- These are not the songs of love, these are the songs of consumption.”
For more Twilight bashing, see these funny videos, where a British recording artist reads the books and adds his commentary. We like his accent: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2L253VLwH3w
True Grit
True Grit is advertised as a serious Cohen Brothers Western, along the lines of No Country for Old Men, only set earlier. True Grit is also advertised as being an action movie. This is not the case.
Anyone seeing True Grit should be aware that they are seeing a dry, talky comedy, with a little action doled out every thirty minutes or so. It IS funny, if that’s your sense of humor, but sometimes it was hard to hear what the characters were saying. The little girl in the movie spoke quickly, and the others had growly accents and didn’t open their mouths very wide.
We DO recommend this movie, but we recommend that you see it at home, with subtitles, because the dialogue is the movie, and you want to understand it.
Anyone seeing True Grit should be aware that they are seeing a dry, talky comedy, with a little action doled out every thirty minutes or so. It IS funny, if that’s your sense of humor, but sometimes it was hard to hear what the characters were saying. The little girl in the movie spoke quickly, and the others had growly accents and didn’t open their mouths very wide.
We DO recommend this movie, but we recommend that you see it at home, with subtitles, because the dialogue is the movie, and you want to understand it.
Movie grade: B
Sunday, December 26, 2010
The Fighter
Checklist (if you check “yes” next to these lines, you should see The Fighter)
-I like Amy Adams, Mark Wahlberg, and/or Christian Bale.
-I like sports movies.
-I like true stories.
-I like boxing movies.
-I like a movie to be entertaining the whole way through.
-I like some comedy in my dramas.
-I want to see Christian Bale elevate an otherwise normal sports movie with a performance we’ve never seen from him before.
-I want to see Christian Bale play an affectionate coke addict.
Basically, if the idea of this movie appeals to you, the movie will appeal to you. We think it’s one to wait and rent on video though. There is no reason to see this on the big screen. Christian Bale’s funny character will come through on DVD just as well as it does in theatres.
Amy Adams is also good, and her character is a real spitfire. She also has some meat on her bones, which is both realistic for the movie and ballsy for the actress. We approve.
Movie Grade: B+
-I like Amy Adams, Mark Wahlberg, and/or Christian Bale.
-I like sports movies.
-I like true stories.
-I like boxing movies.
-I like a movie to be entertaining the whole way through.
-I like some comedy in my dramas.
-I want to see Christian Bale elevate an otherwise normal sports movie with a performance we’ve never seen from him before.
-I want to see Christian Bale play an affectionate coke addict.
Basically, if the idea of this movie appeals to you, the movie will appeal to you. We think it’s one to wait and rent on video though. There is no reason to see this on the big screen. Christian Bale’s funny character will come through on DVD just as well as it does in theatres.
Amy Adams is also good, and her character is a real spitfire. She also has some meat on her bones, which is both realistic for the movie and ballsy for the actress. We approve.
Movie Grade: B+
Freedom by Jonathan Franzen - Mostly spoiler-free review
We just finished the much-lauded Oprah pick Freedom by Jonathan Franzen. We thought the book was smug. There was lots of commentary about the world today, but it didn’t feel like the world we live in. There is some real joy, loyalty, and purpose left, believe us. If our lives were like this, we would kill ourselves. The book was populated by mostly judgmental people with many values, but all the values were shallow, unimportant and based off of being better than other people. The characters were fully-formed, but not relatable; Joey was almost relatable, and he made a wise, redemptive decision before the curtains closed. Patty was the most likeable (even though she would hate US with our flip-flops and headphones.)
We liked a lot of the commentary on the culture, even if it was smug and mostly pessimistic. This book was full of insightful social commentary, politics, and character development, but it felt absolutely spiritually dead. It was trying to be really deep and substantial, and it only reached that level every 100 pages or so. There WERE some brilliant moments, but they got lost in the overall tone and story that made us want to switch books.
We weren’t asking for some sort of religious book by any means, but atheists have a spiritual side too, and these characters were just completely dead, spirit-wise. It’s hard to ask a reader to spend more than 500 pages with them. It was weird that this book ended on a hopeful note, because most people who would make it to the end of this glum, hero-less book probably wouldn’t value a positive finale. Two of the women in this book were absolutely disgusting (Connie and Lalitha) because of the way they worshipped their men so much that they ran their lives into the ground and ended up as nothing but pliant strumpets that made us want to hurl.
There was good writing, nice character background and interesting exposition. We’d like to see what Franzen does with a good story. This story was about a bad marriage/dysfunctional family. You’ve heard it before. You’ve seen it before on countless screens. We suppose all the commentary and the picture of our society was supposed to elevate the story to more than another failed marriage story, but it would have been an amazing book with that commentary and more of a story.
We are wondering if we should read The Corrections. This was a technically good book that plenty of people admire. But we think there are two reasons to read a book: 1) the enjoyment 2) to learn something. This book did not bring us either bounty. The first 187 pages were really good, but then it hits a dull stride until close to the end. It pointed out things that we have already seen, that we are tired of seeing.
You know how there are books that you buy, read 200 pages of, and then never finish? We predict that if you buy this book, it is going to turn out like that for you.
Book quality grade: B
Book enjoyment grade: C-
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The Walking Dead - Season 1
If you’re alive and watching TV, you’ve heard of The Walking Dead, the supposed best new show of the fall season. First of all, this says very little because only a few of the new shows were worth even giving a chance. We’ve now (belatedly) watched all six episodes of season one. Here’s what you need to know:
1) It’s overrated. It’s not as good as everyone says it is. We’ve heard the comic is superior. It’s hard to live up to that kind of hype in six episodes though.
2) It’s still pretty darn good. Completely worth watching.
3) The characters are decent, but some of the acting isn’t.
4) The guy Keira Knightley kissed in Love Actually plays the main character.
5) It’s absolutely disgusting. The gore is at a level rarely seen, even in most zombie movies. Some people like that.
6) The show did a LOT in six episodes. It established its characters and had some exciting moments.
We will be checking back in next year to see season two, no doubt. We can’t wait to see what The Walking Dead does with a full season. It could turn into another obsession for us; it's definitely got the potential. This further establishes AMC as an essential player in TV right now, with Breaking Bad and Mad Men already major hauls for the network. We’re impressed. If you missed it and can’t find it online, the show encores Tuesday, January 18 and Wednesday, January 19 at 8:00 on AMC. If you can take the gore and have any interest at all, you should catch up before the new season (which should take a while to come out).
Season grade: B+
1) It’s overrated. It’s not as good as everyone says it is. We’ve heard the comic is superior. It’s hard to live up to that kind of hype in six episodes though.
2) It’s still pretty darn good. Completely worth watching.
3) The characters are decent, but some of the acting isn’t.
4) The guy Keira Knightley kissed in Love Actually plays the main character.
5) It’s absolutely disgusting. The gore is at a level rarely seen, even in most zombie movies. Some people like that.
6) The show did a LOT in six episodes. It established its characters and had some exciting moments.
We will be checking back in next year to see season two, no doubt. We can’t wait to see what The Walking Dead does with a full season. It could turn into another obsession for us; it's definitely got the potential. This further establishes AMC as an essential player in TV right now, with Breaking Bad and Mad Men already major hauls for the network. We’re impressed. If you missed it and can’t find it online, the show encores Tuesday, January 18 and Wednesday, January 19 at 8:00 on AMC. If you can take the gore and have any interest at all, you should catch up before the new season (which should take a while to come out).
Season grade: B+
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Movies That Were Messed Up, But You Became a Little Obsessed with Them Anyway
Sometimes you see a movie, and there was something pretty weird or disturbing in it, but you liked it anyway. These movies stay with you, because they get you on a visceral, almost fetish-y level. One of our sisters called a blogger and said, “I just watched this movie called The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo. I really liked it, but it was weird at the same time. Can you think of another movie that will freak me out? I like those.” After contacting the other blogger, we have come up with our list of movies that are not for everyone but that we will never forget.
First, we agree with The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - One of us thinks those books are dry, poorly written, and about as boring as a textbook, but no one can deny that the main female character is worth getting to know. The movies bring her dark side, past, and undesirable experiences forth in a way that sticks with you, even though you’re not gonna like it. Plus there’s a rape scene. Yikes.
American History X - That’s at the top of Leeard’s list, in particular. It's about a skinhead who finds redemption.
Quills - This is the first movie that came to mind after the phone call. It takes place in an insane asylum (always a good place to start for this sort of thing), and it is, largely, about sexual desire and expression. It has Kate Winslet, Geoffrey Rush, and Joaquin Phoenix in it, so you know that acting is right on. This one lingered in the brain pan for about a week after we saw it. Hard to watch, and disgusting, but interesting.
The Last King of Scotland - When the Scottish guy goes looking for the young wife after her abortion, close your eyes as he descends some stairs into the basement, or you are going to see the most disturbing image in the history of Ern’s movie viewing. The rest of the movie is no walk in the park either, but this mostly true story is worth looking into.
The Lives of Others - This one isn’t disturbing, but it’s stirring. Maybe it doesn’t go with the rest of the list, but it’s very good, and it stays with you. It’s not necessarily happy.
Sophie Scholl: The Final Days - This is a true story about a college-aged girl who opposed the Nazis, distributed anti-Nazi literature, and totally got caught. But in an age where everyone is trying to be cool and master “the science of cool,” this is a move that will show you what cool really looks like. While you are bawling your eyes out.
United 93 - Ern doesn't do a lot of crying, but she bawled for about three hours after this movie. It's well-done, but do you really want to watch it? For the record, Leeard refuses to watch this movie, for a multitude of reasons.
The Passion of the Christ - We defend this movie because it's good. It's a good movie, for what it was. What were people expecting? It was a movie about a man who died slowly and left a mark on the world that changed history, whether you believe he was God or not. Definitely a memorable, powerful, yet bloody and disturbing experience.
Nothing is Private/Towelhead - Yeah, this one aimed to shock, and so many people are going to hate it. But we loved the way this girl had one neighbor who didn’t stick her head in the sand. If, as a child, you have one capable adult on your side, that’s a powerful thing. Ballsy movie with a mix of good and terrible people.
The Reader - Well, anything where Kate Winslet is a Nazi who sleeps with a teenage boy and then ages badly is going to be on this list. This is a given. This is like putting Saving Private Ryan or Schindler’s List in this entry. It’s like….duh.
Audition - Japanese horror movie. Watch it. Seriously.
The Last House on the Left - It’s debatable whether this movie is GOOD, but, due to its content, it belongs on this list completely. Leeard liked the recent remake, too.
Se7en - A man kills people for committing the seven deadly sins in a manner that points out their deadly sin, and Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman are the detectives after him. The ending will leave you with your mouth hanging open.
Trainspotting - This one is disturbing and fun at the same time. Yeah, that’s a combo. But it’s a really good anti-drug PSA that doesn’t leave you feeling completely pummeled like….
…..Requiem for a Dream - Another Leeard pick for this list. Leeard and Ern have a mutual friend who names this as her all-time favorite movie. (It IS good.) This friend made one of us watch it for the first time, and we looked back at her once the (ominous) credit music pounded down on our heads, and we were like, “Dude, what’s wrong with you.” We are eternally depressed by this movie. But it was good.
Rachel Getting Married - Moving family drama, but there’s at least one heartbreaking scene.
Little Children - Anything with a child molester in it is creepy. This is one you actually feel compassion for.
The Green Mile - Stephen King and Frank Darabont returned to the old prison setting (after The Shawshank Redemption, a movie almost everyone likes), and this time, they brought a little of the supernatural with them. Plus some gross executions. Fun for the whole family! (It's not, but we love this movie.)
Hard Candy - A young girl creeped on via the internet takes revenge on a sexual predator. It’s Dateline NBC on crack. She’s got her issues too, and this is the strongest role for Ellen Page, who everyone loves now.
Black Swan might be a contender for this list for a lot of people.
Dogtooth- This is an odd one, but it's really interesting.
Fish Tank- Lots of good acting, but you will be depressed by the messed-up dynamics at work here.
So there you are, sister. A list to unsettle, challenge, and creep you out.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Black Swan
Some people don’t trust movie critics. We’ve heard movie critics called too liberal, elitist, too existentialist, snobby, artsy, and boring. But you have to give them one thing: most of them have seen a lot of movies. Sure, sometimes we think they are wrong, but most critics’ tastes have been refined through lots of exposure. We don’t know that we are as good in that area. One of us only has 1,578 movies rated on Netflix. But we love movies, so we’ll give some commentary a try.
Last night we saw Black Swan, a movie lauded by most professional critics everywhere. Well, they are right this time. If the type of movie is your cup of tea, it’s really good, and all our friends thought so too (if that means anything to you). One of us was always unsure about Natalie Portman’s natural abilities as an actress, but she won us both over in this. She needs to win something for Black Swan. She did most of the dancing, according to cast, crew, and director. We don’t see how that role could have been embodied better. Also, we like that Natalie is smart (she went to Harvard) and secure. She picked her friend Mila Kunis to be in the movie with her. Natalie is gorgeous, but Mila’s face is a little less harsh, so Mila turns out prettier. We like that this didn’t bother Natalie enough to exclude her friend.
If you like horror films in general but feel that most of them are poor quality, this is the movie for you. We wouldn’t call it scary, just intense and creepy. One of us had a bad reaction to Shutter Island (even though we both thought it was pretty good). If sort of left you in a foul mood. We were afraid this would be the case with Black Swan, but we walked out happy and laughing. We don’t like the demonic feel of horror movies to leave the theatre with us, we just want to walk out having enjoyed it and remember feeling scared.
And talk about enjoying it. The movie was long, but it didn’t feel long. It was entertaining and dramatic the whole way through. Darren Aronofsky is one of those directors who likes to make a weird movie, a movie you’ve never seen before (like The Fountain), and that’s what he did here. Remember his Requiem for a Dream? This is comparable to that in tone, only more fast-paced, and it doesn't make you want to blow your head off when it's over like RfaD. The music serves to get you inside the main character’s head and force you to feel some of the tension she was feeling. We think that’s a strong point, because the music was consuming enough to make you feel like you were connected with the movie, rather than detached and laughing at the craziness (Splice, anyone?).
Warning to some: This movie is dark, and it features some girl-on-girl oral sex. Mila Kunis had her dad leave for that scene. Also, the camera work is distracting in the beginning and sort of makes you dizzy. Don’t let that worry you though; it calms down as the movie goes on. Overall, Black Swan is a well-made thriller and a good time at the theatre.
Movie Grade: A
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Dear Rappers: Show, Don't Tell
As we drift into writing a little about movies, books, and music along with TV, one of us must confess an extreme genre bias against rap music. This blogger doesn’t know a lot about it, but why would you want to find out more with the big bunch of shallow babies making it these days? First of all, most of it these days it autotuned and not at all poetic. It’s one thing to like a little Tupac, Eminem, Mr. J. Medeiros, or Kanye. At least those have some honesty, even if two of them are flocking toward self-flagellation lately to show that they are raw. Good rappers are good poets, period.
We’re probably not the first to notice this, because it’s obvious: Most of the time, rappers just rap about how great they are. This isn’t as disgusting to us as you would think, because false humility is pretty gross. But lately every song has these ingredients: 1) I’m awesome, because I have lots of sex with hot people. 2) I can dance/I have some sort of physical prowess. 3) I have lots of money and a cool car. 4) I’m gangster in some way, because I grew up in a neighborhood of unintelligent, violent people. 5) My rapping is really good and no one had better mess with me.
The most recent offender is Nicki Minaj. These bloggers like Nicki Minaj’s rapping style, because it goes from sweet to harsh in about five seconds, it’s interesting, and it’s catchy. But her cd, Pink Friday, is mostly about how much better she is than her competitors. Who? Lil' Kim, according to the news. But Lil' Kim hasn’t been making music lately. Why is Lil' Kim competition? While feuds might be good for the rap industry, because they get attention, this feud seems pretty insignificant. First of all, what are they going to do? Talk nasty. That’s it. Second of all, Lil' Kim has more “street cred” than Nicki anyway, and that should be no question. She was one of Notorious B.I.G.’s people, her raps are more disgusting (that’s a good thing in this genre), and her rap is actually hip/hop. We like Nicki, but she is more pop with a little rap. Like Ke$ha.
As inconsequential as this “competition” for glory is, since only one of them is making music, Nicki Minaj spends almost her entire album talking trash about her peers and maintaining that she is the best. (Other blogger's note: Lil' Kim started this feud, probably because she's become pretty irrelevant these days. Yes, this blogger likes Nicki Minaj)
The first track is called “I’m the Best,” and the chorus goes: “I hope they comin' for me because the top is lonely. What the **** they gon' say. I'm the best bitch doin' it, doin'. I'm the best, best, best, best. I'm the best.”
Ok, maybe so. We can’t really think of a better female M.C. right now. Point taken. But THEN she talks about it again in her song with Eminem ("Roman’s Revenge" - Seriously though,this song is awesome). Then there is a song about how she pooped on the competition ("Did It On ‘Em"). If you listen to the whole deluxe version album, there are only a few songs that don’t completely focus on Nicki Minaj and literally trying to convince us that she’s a good M.C. by talking about how much better she is than the other saddos making this “music.” You’re no Beethoven, sweetheart. And you’re no gangster, unless we are seriously misinformed about your past in The Matrix or something.
Where Nicki shines is where she puts off the posturing. "Dear Old Nicki" talks about the person she was before the fame, "Super Bass" is a funny little song about a crush, and "Last Chance" is cute and positive. Those are our favorite songs. "Roman’s Revenge" would have been good by itself, but in the context of the entire album, the theme just got old, so it killed that song (other blogger's note: no it didn't. That song is awesome).
Nicki, if you were really that great, you would make raps about life, rather than having to tell us how great you are. Spending your entire album trashing competition just makes us think that your competitors really are threats. The reason you are better as a guest star is that, although you sound good, when you make your own music, you have nothing to say.
We’re probably not the first to notice this, because it’s obvious: Most of the time, rappers just rap about how great they are. This isn’t as disgusting to us as you would think, because false humility is pretty gross. But lately every song has these ingredients: 1) I’m awesome, because I have lots of sex with hot people. 2) I can dance/I have some sort of physical prowess. 3) I have lots of money and a cool car. 4) I’m gangster in some way, because I grew up in a neighborhood of unintelligent, violent people. 5) My rapping is really good and no one had better mess with me.
The most recent offender is Nicki Minaj. These bloggers like Nicki Minaj’s rapping style, because it goes from sweet to harsh in about five seconds, it’s interesting, and it’s catchy. But her cd, Pink Friday, is mostly about how much better she is than her competitors. Who? Lil' Kim, according to the news. But Lil' Kim hasn’t been making music lately. Why is Lil' Kim competition? While feuds might be good for the rap industry, because they get attention, this feud seems pretty insignificant. First of all, what are they going to do? Talk nasty. That’s it. Second of all, Lil' Kim has more “street cred” than Nicki anyway, and that should be no question. She was one of Notorious B.I.G.’s people, her raps are more disgusting (that’s a good thing in this genre), and her rap is actually hip/hop. We like Nicki, but she is more pop with a little rap. Like Ke$ha.
As inconsequential as this “competition” for glory is, since only one of them is making music, Nicki Minaj spends almost her entire album talking trash about her peers and maintaining that she is the best. (Other blogger's note: Lil' Kim started this feud, probably because she's become pretty irrelevant these days. Yes, this blogger likes Nicki Minaj)
The first track is called “I’m the Best,” and the chorus goes: “I hope they comin' for me because the top is lonely. What the **** they gon' say. I'm the best bitch doin' it, doin'. I'm the best, best, best, best. I'm the best.”
Ok, maybe so. We can’t really think of a better female M.C. right now. Point taken. But THEN she talks about it again in her song with Eminem ("Roman’s Revenge" - Seriously though,this song is awesome). Then there is a song about how she pooped on the competition ("Did It On ‘Em"). If you listen to the whole deluxe version album, there are only a few songs that don’t completely focus on Nicki Minaj and literally trying to convince us that she’s a good M.C. by talking about how much better she is than the other saddos making this “music.” You’re no Beethoven, sweetheart. And you’re no gangster, unless we are seriously misinformed about your past in The Matrix or something.
Where Nicki shines is where she puts off the posturing. "Dear Old Nicki" talks about the person she was before the fame, "Super Bass" is a funny little song about a crush, and "Last Chance" is cute and positive. Those are our favorite songs. "Roman’s Revenge" would have been good by itself, but in the context of the entire album, the theme just got old, so it killed that song (other blogger's note: no it didn't. That song is awesome).
Nicki, if you were really that great, you would make raps about life, rather than having to tell us how great you are. Spending your entire album trashing competition just makes us think that your competitors really are threats. The reason you are better as a guest star is that, although you sound good, when you make your own music, you have nothing to say.
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