America's Next Top Model - Kyle Hagler recap/review

On the “previously on America’s Next Top Model” beginning of the episode, the camera showed footage of Chris at the last elimination panel getting patted/comforted by another contestant while she cried. During this, the voiceover said, “Who will be eliminated tonight?” WTF? Now we know it is Chris, and it was. Apparently, she was better suited for acting, stand-up, or daytime television. Meh. We agree. In face most of these girls would make better actresses than models. But now all potential ANTM contestants have learned a lesson, “Don’t do an excellent impression of Tyra Banks right to her face, especially when she is helping you with your portfolios.”

This was the go-see episode, and one of the possible go-sees was at Versace, so they all busted their tails to get to that one first. Unfortunately, the Versace guy hated all of them except for Ann. He called many “last season.” How can a GIRL and her particular physical appearance be “last season” or “from the 80s,” like women’s bodies are just trends, like clothes, rather than marvelous, perfect, life-making powerhouses. (Ok, Ern, turn the feminist rant off.) Sorry. The Versace bastard loved the tall and stick-like Ann. “Perfect body. Perfect.” We don’t know why this show is pumping the female personality, saying that models have to be memorable based on their pizzazz. This is VERSACE, and he picked the girl with no confidence, no charisma, no personal power, and who took up as little room on this earth with her flesh as possible. In fact, we have heard that models who walk on the runways are rejected if they have any charisma or grounded-ness, because then people will look at the model and not the clothes. Personality. Psh. Nawww. Unnecessary.

Chelsey won the go-see challenge by booking one of her go-sees and making it to two. She was also one of the three who didn’t get disqualified for arriving back late. Chelsey got a Versace jacket as a prize. Generous…not. Versace has just lost this blogger as a consumer (not that they really ever had either).

The photo shoot was held at a beautiful mansion that looked like Mr. Darcy’s mansion in the new Pride and Prejudice. The idea of the shoot was that they were statues being sculpted by a hot guy, and his hot love literally breathed life into them LIKE GOD. Ha. Eye roll, please. Jane struggled, because she is having an identity crisis. The judges keep telling her that she has no personality. Since your personality is not something you can easily change, disses to the personality can hurt, nasty. The judges had to backtrack in this episode. Jane cried, Nigel viewed that as “personality,” and bottom-two Jane was saved from elimination. The judges are sick of perfect, private Ivy League Jane. Kayla did great and got best photo, but we thought Chelsey was better. Ann looked fine, as usual, but wasn’t showing any emotion. She looks like an object in her photos. Alive, but barely. She will make a fine Versace model.

Episode grade: B