Gossip Girl - Juliet Doesn't Live Here Anymore recap/review

The episode started with Serena visiting Blair to whine about Colin, but B shooed her out immediately. Why? Because Chuck Bass was in Blair’s bed with her, under the covers. We think Chuck never looked cuter than when he popped out after Serena left. Serena quickly deduced the truth though, after seeing Blair and Chuck emerge from behind some bushes, looking tousled. Blair and Dan also noticed Serena getting out of Colin’s cab. Serena chastised Blair for falling back into bed with Chuck and demanded that she stop. Blair agreed and decided that a full “Bass-ectomy” was needed. She was going to quit Chuck cold turkey. She told Chuck, and he was amenable to the notion of breaking it off, but his solution was “emergent therapy,” a 24-hour sex binge on Blair. That would never work, Chuck. Blair snacked on macaroons in the bathtub while Dorota stood guard against Chuck. The woman faced down the KGB, after all, so she was well up to the challenge … oh wait. Chuck appeared in Blair’s room, looking the least cute he has ever looked, in the girliest robe we have ever seen. What is this? Glee? There weren’t even any pockets. Where is he going to keep all the condoms?

Dan and Blair convinced Serena that Colin should quit teaching for her, because it’s not as if the successful businessman needs the money. Serena gave him something of an ultimatum, and when he didn’t agree right away, she thought he had rejected her offer. She invited Dan to accompany her to the ballet. Colin, meanwhile, actually went and quit his teaching job, just for Serena.

We found out that Colin doesn’t like Juliet’s brother, because Colin thinks that Ben is a crook who won’t take responsibility for his actions. Colin told Juliet that if she continued to contact her brother, he would cut her off. Dang, that’s cold. It’s her brother. Nate found out that Juliet lied about living in her apartment. Vanessa teamed up with him to break into her real house, while Nate took her to coffee. There, Vanessa found the pictures of Serena kissing her professor. At coffee, Nate’s heart melted when Juliet told him that the reason she didn’t tell him where she really lived was that she didn’t want Nate to know that she was poor. Nate gave her a second chance, and because Juliet is in love with Nate, she told Colin that she would be a good girl, stay away from her brother, and not blow the chance Nate gave her. She went back to her apartment to find Vanessa there. She told Vanessa that the plan to bring Serena down was off, but Vanessa wanted revenge and took a computer chip-y thing with the evidence.

At the ballet, Serena sees Colin and kisses him when she finds out that he quit his job. Dan threw a hissy tantrum and left, feeling used, even though it is never Serena’s fault on this show. Even when she kills a guy (in season one), somehow it is not her fault. (Oh please, that "murder" thing was stupid and not actually her fault. - Other blogger) Vanessa’s revenge attempt also occurred at the ballet. Juliet tried to stop her, but Vanessa turned her to the dark side, and they both told the Dean of Columbia that they had illicit photos of Colin with a student. Before they could hand the chip with the pictures on it to the Dean, Blair grabbed it and dropped it in her drink, took the heat for Serena, and saved the day. Chuck backed her up, and it was hilarious. The Dean was not amused with the tattling and whoredom, and she chewed them out and left to watch the ballet.

Colin cut Juliet off for trying to tattle on him for being with a student. Duh, Juliet, what did you think would happen? What a moron, betraying her benefactor to back up VANESSA. Blair, Nate, Chuck, and Serena ganged up on her for a catty send-off, and Juliet stalked off, beaten. Serena ended up dumping Colin for Dan. She called him and asked him to meet her, but Nate found her at the meeting spot first and poured his heart out to Serena. When Dan showed up, he saw Serena with Nate. Cliffhanger.

Chuck and Blair sat together reminiscing, talking about how wonderful takedowns are, and acting like friends. They agreed that they were finally friends, after all the trouble and drama, and gave each other a nice hug goodbye. We moaned, because Chuck and Blair should not be friends. They should be LOVERS. And the show gave us what we wanted. They suddenly kissed and he carried her up the stairs, where they presumably continued to be lovers. It isn’t even hate sex anymore. It looks like these two are back on. Yay!!! We liked that part, even though we kind of thought it would be amazing if Chuck accidently dropped her as they ascended the staircase.

TWIST: The episode ended with Juliet in her apartment with Vanessa skyping LITTLE J!!! Wait…why would Little J want to take down Serena? Who cares. It’s ON. It’s the triad of girls we hate, teaming up to be b*tches. It is so ON. We already hate Vanessa, so it’s a good idea to make her a backstabber we are supposed to hate. For once, she was useful, interesting, and she had some of the night’s best fashions.

Drama, romance, takedowns, the ballet, Little J, and making Vanessa NOT USELESS? That gets an episode grade of A from us.